Named characters

Major entities (proper, common)

FAC

90 home/Home
80 here
63 the room/The room
41 the house/The house
30 the street/The street
25 the bathroom/The bathroom
24 the stairs
23 the kitchen/The kitchen
19 there
18 the restaurant/The restaurant

GPE

7 there/There
5 town
2 the town
2 the city
2 here
1 the Champagne district of France
1 a semirural area
1 a global empire
1 a city
1 a city I ’ve always dreamed of visiting . . . alone with him

LOC

37 the world/The world
2 the other side of the world
2 different worlds
2 the hills
2 the earth
2 earth
2 heaven
1 the snake pit
1 a fun place to visit
1 the location

PER

82 the boys/The boys
59 each other
48 everyone/Everyone
32 someone/Someone
31 your mother/Your mother
26 Nobody/nobody
22 this man/This man
22 baby/Baby
20 the kids/The kids
19 a woman/A woman

ORG

6 the company/The company
3 your company
3 a company
2 my company
2 the education board
1 every struggling company in the world
1 this company
1 my own empire
1 the nocturnal company I ’m keeping
1 the most successful media empire

VEH

60 the car/The car
19 my car
12 the elevator/The elevator
8 your car/Your car
5 a limo
4 a plane
4 his car
3 the train
3 a cab/A cab
2 The plane

Text

OTHER TITLES BY T L SWAN The Stopover [Stanton]_70-stanton Adore [Stanton]_70-stanton Unconditional Stanton Completely [Stanton Bliss Marx Girl Gym Junkie Dr. Stanton Dr. Stantons]_{245-stanton bliss marx girl gym junkie dr. stanton dr. stantons} : The Epilogue Find [Me]_0-i Alastar Play Along [Mr. Masters Mr. Spencer]_{71-mr. masters} The Italian

This is a work of fiction . Names , characters , organizations , places , events , and incidents are either products of [the author]_{246-the author} ’s imagination or are used fictitiously . Any resemblance to [actual persons]_{247-actual persons} , living or dead , or actual events is purely coincidental . Text copyright © 2020 by T L Swan All rights reserved . No part of this book may be reproduced , or stored in a retrieval system , or transmitted in any form or by any means , electronic , mechanical , photocopying , recording , or otherwise , without express written permission of [the publisher]_{248-the publisher} . Published by [Montlake]_1-montlake , Seattle www.apub.com Amazon , the Amazon logo , and [Montlake]_1-montlake are trademarks of [Amazon.com]_{73-amazon.com} , Inc. , or [[its]_{73-amazon.com} affiliates]_{249-its affiliates} . ISBN-13 : 9781542017336 ISBN-10 : 1542017335 Cover design by The Brewster Project Cover photography by Wander Aguiar Photography

[I]_0-i would like to dedicate this book to the alphabet , for those twenty - six letters have changed [my]_0-i life . Within those twenty - six letters [I]_0-i have found [myself]_0-i , and now [I]_0-i live [my]_0-i dream . Next time [you]_250-you say the alphabet , remember its power . [I]_0-i do every day .

CONTENTS Chapter 1 [Tristan]_74-tristan Chapter 2 Chapter 3 [Tristan Claire]_75-claire Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 [Tristan]_74-tristan Chapter 8 [Claire]_75-claire Chapter 9 [Tristan]_74-tristan Chapter 10 [Claire]_75-claire Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 [Tristan]_74-tristan Chapter 14 [Claire Tristan]_{76-claire tristan} Chapter 15 [Claire]_75-claire Chapter 16 [Claire]_75-claire Chapter 17 Chapter 18 [Tristan]_74-tristan Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 [Tristan Claire]_75-claire Chapter 22 [Claire]_75-claire Chapter 23 Chapter 24 [Tristan Claire]_75-claire Chapter 25 Claire Tristan ACKNOWLEDGMENTS PREVIEW : [MR . MASTERS]_{71-mr. masters} ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Chapter 1 The phone buzzes on [my]_0-i desk . “ Hello , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i answer . “ Hi , [Tristan Miles]_74-tristan is on line two for [you]_0-i , ”_[77-marley] [Marley]_77-marley replies . “ Tell [him]_74-tristan [I]_77-marley ’m busy . ”_[77-marley] “ [Claire]_75-claire . ”_[77-marley] [She]_77-marley pauses . “ This is the third time [he]_74-tristan ’s called this week . ”_[77-marley] “ So ? ”_[77-marley] “ Pretty soon , [he]_74-tristan ’s going to stop calling . ”_[77-marley] “ And [your]_77-marley point is ? ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i ask . “ [My]_0-i point is [we]_3033-we paid [the staff]_{3034-the staff} out of the overdraft this week . And [I]_0-i know [you]_75-claire do n’t want to admit this , but [we]_251-our are in trouble , [Claire]_75-claire . [You]_75-claire need to hear [him]_0-i out . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i exhale heavily and drag [my]_0-i hand down [my]_0-i face . [I]_0-i know [she]_77-marley ’s right ; [[our]_251-our company]_{252-our company} , [Anderson Media]_{2-anderson media} , is struggling . [We]_251-our ’re down to [[our]_251-our last three hundred staff]_{253-our last three hundred staff} , having downscaled from the original six hundred . [Miles Media]_{78-miles media} and [all of [[our]_251-our competitors]_{255-our competitors}]_{254-all of our competitors} have been circling like wolves for months , watching and waiting for the perfect time to move in for the kill . [Tristan Miles]_74-tristan : [the head of acquisitions]_{256-the head of acquisitions} and [the archenemy of [every struggling company in [the world]_{259-the world}]_{258-every struggling company in the world}]_{257-the archenemy of every struggling company in the world} . Like [a leech]_{260-a leech} , [he]_74-tristan takes over companies when [they]_261-them ’re at [their]_261-them lowest , tears [them]_261-them apart , and then , with [his]_74-tristan never - ending funds , turns [them]_261-them into huge successes . [He]_74-tristan ’s the biggest snake in [the snake pit]_{262-the snake pit} . Preying on weaknesses and getting paid millions of dollars a year for the privilege . [He]_74-tristan ’s [a rich , spoiled bastard with a reputation for being acutely intelligent , hard as nails , and conscience - free]_{263-a rich , spoiled bastard with a reputation for being acutely intelligent , hard as nails , and conscience - free} . [He]_74-tristan ’s everything [I]_0-i hate about business . “ Just listen to what [he]_74-tristan has to say — that ’s all . [You]_0-i never know what [he]_74-tristan might offer , ”_[77-marley] [Marley]_77-marley pleads . “ Oh , come on , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i scoff . “ [We]_3035-we both know what [he]_74-tristan wants . ”_[0-i] “ [Claire]_75-claire , please . [You]_75-claire ca n’t lose [[your]_75-claire family home]_{3036-your family home} . [I]_0-i wo n’t let that happen . ”_[0-i] Sadness rolls over [me]_0-i ; [I]_0-i hate that [I]_0-i ’ve found [myself]_0-i in this position . “ Fine , [I]_0-i ’ll hear [him]_74-tristan out . But that ’s it , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i concede . “ Schedule a meeting . ”_[0-i] “ Okay , great . ”_[0-i] “ Do n’t get excited . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i smirk . “ [I]_0-i ’m just doing this to shut [you]_75-claire up , [you]_75-claire know ? ”_[0-i] “ Good , mouth officially shut from here on out . Cross [my]_0-i heart . ”_[0-i] “ If only . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i smile . “ Will [you]_75-claire come with [me]_0-i ? ”_[0-i] “ Yes , for sure . [We]_265-we ’ll stick [Mr. Fancy Pants]_{79-mr. fancy pants} ’s checkbook where the sun does n’t shine . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i giggle at the idea . “ Okay , deal . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i hang up and go back to [my]_0-i report , wishing it were Friday and [I]_0-i did n’t have to worry about [Anderson Media]_{2-anderson media} and the bills for a few days . Only four days to go . Thursday morning , [Marley]_77-marley and [I]_0-i power down [the street]_{264-the street} on the way to [our]_265-we meeting . “ Why are [we]_265-we meeting here , again ? ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i ask . “ [He]_3037-he wanted to meet somewhere neutral . [He]_3037-he has a table booked at [Bryant Park Grill]_{3-bryant park grill} . ”_[0-i] “ That ’s odd — it ’s not a date , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i huff . “ It ’s probably all part of [his]_3037-he grand plan . ”_[0-i] [She]_77-marley holds [her]_77-marley hands up and does an air rainbow . “ Neutral ground . ”_[77-marley] [She]_77-marley widens [her]_77-marley eyes in jest . “ While [he]_3037-he tries to fuck [us]_265-we up the ass . ”_[77-marley] “ With a smile on [his]_3037-he face . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i smirk . “ [I]_0-i hope it at least feels good . ”_[0-i] [Marley]_77-marley giggles and then falls straight back into [her]_77-marley coaching . “ So remember the strategy , ”_[77-marley] [she]_77-marley instructs [me]_0-i as [we]_266-we walk . “ Yes . ”_[77-marley] “ Tell [me]_77-marley it again . . . so that [I]_77-marley remember it , ”_[77-marley] [she]_77-marley replies . [I]_0-i smile . [Marley]_77-marley is [an idiot]_{267-an idiot} . [A funny idiot]_{268-a funny idiot} nonetheless . “ Stay calm ; do n’t let [him]_{267-an idiot} ruffle [my]_0-i feathers , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i reply . “ Do n’t say an outright no — just keep [him]_{267-an idiot} on ice in the background as an insurance policy . ”_[0-i] “ Yes , that ’s a great plan . ”_{[268-a funny idiot]} “ It should be — [you]_0-i thought of it . ”_[0-i] [We]_266-we arrive at [the restaurant]_{269-the restaurant} and stop around the corner . [I]_0-i take out [my]_0-i compact and reapply [my]_0-i lipstick . [My]_0-i dark hair is twisted up into a loose knot . [I]_0-i ’m wearing a navy pantsuit with a cream silk blouse , closed - toe high - heeled patent pumps , and [my]_0-i pearl earrings . Sensible clothes — [I]_0-i want [him]_270-she to take [me]_0-i seriously . “ Do [I]_0-i look okay ? ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i ask . “ [You]_270-she look hot . ”_[0-i] [My]_0-i face falls . “ [I]_0-i do n’t want to look hot , [Marley]_77-marley . [I]_0-i want to look hard . ”_[0-i] [She]_270-she scowls as [she]_270-she falls into character . “ Totally hard . ”_[270-she] [She]_270-she punches [her]_270-she hand with [her]_270-she fist . “ [Iron maiden]_{3038-iron maiden} snatch style . ”_[270-she] [I]_0-i grin at [[my]_0-i gorgeous friend]_{271-my gorgeous friend} ; [her]_{271-my gorgeous friend} bright - red zany hair is short and punky , and [her]_{271-my gorgeous friend} pink cat - eye glasses are in full splendor [She]_{271-my gorgeous friend} ’s wearing a red dress with a bright - yellow shirt underneath with red stockings and shoes . [She]_{271-my gorgeous friend} ’s so trendy that [she]_{271-my gorgeous friend} ’s actually edgy . [Marley]_77-marley is [[my]_0-i best friend]_{272-my best friend} , [[my]_0-i confidante]_{273-my confidante} , and [the hardest worker in [our]_275-we company]_{274-the hardest worker in our company} . [She]_77-marley has n’t left [my]_0-i side for the last five years ; [her]_77-marley friendship is a gift , and [I]_0-i have no idea where [I]_0-i would be without [her]_77-marley . “ Are [you]_0-i ready ? ”_[77-marley] [she]_77-marley asks . “ Yes . [We]_275-we ’re twenty minutes early — [I]_77-marley wanted to get [here]_3039-here first . Get the upper hand . ”_[77-marley] [Her]_77-marley shoulders slump . “ When [I]_77-marley ask [you]_0-i if [you]_0-i ’re ready , [you]_0-i ’re supposed to answer with , ‘ [I]_77-marley was born ready . ’ ”_[77-marley] [I]_0-i push past [her]_77-marley . “ Let ’s get this over with . ”_[0-i] [We]_275-we drop [our]_275-we shoulders , steel [ourselves]_275-we , and walk into [the foyer]_{276-the foyer} . [The waiter]_{277-the waiter} smiles . “ Hello , [ladies]_3040-ladies . How can [I]_{277-the waiter} help [you]_3040-ladies ? ”_{[277-the waiter]} “ Ah . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i glance at [Marley]_77-marley . “ [We]_275-we are meeting [someone here]_{3041-someone here} . ”_[0-i] “ [Tristan Miles]_74-tristan ? ”_{[277-the waiter]} [he]_{277-the waiter} asks . [I]_0-i frown . How did [he]_{277-the waiter} know that ? “ Yes . . . actually . ”_{[277-the waiter]} “ [He]_74-tristan has [the private dining room]_{3042-the private dining room} booked [upstairs]_{3043-upstairs} . ”_{[277-the waiter]} [He]_{277-the waiter} gestures to the stairs . “ Of course [he]_74-tristan does , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i mutter under [my]_0-i breath . [Marley]_77-marley curls [her]_77-marley lip in disgust , and [we]_278-us make [our]_278-us way up . [The top floor]_{279-the top floor} is empty . [We]_278-us look around , and [I]_0-i see [a man]_{280-a man} out on [the balcony]_{281-the balcony} on [his]_{280-a man} phone . Perfectly fitted navy suit , crisp white shirt , tall and muscular . [His]_{280-a man} hair is longer on top , dark brown with a curl . [He]_{280-a man} looks like [he]_{280-a man} belongs in a modeling shoot , not the snake pit at all . “ Holy fuck . . . [he]_{280-a man} ’s hot , ”_[77-marley] [Marley]_77-marley whispers . “ Shut up , ”_[77-marley] [I]_0-i stammer , in a panic that [he]_{280-a man} will hear [her]_77-marley . “ Act fucking cool , will [you]_77-marley ? ”_[77-marley] “ [I]_77-marley know . ”_[77-marley] [She]_77-marley hits [me]_0-i in the thigh , and [I]_0-i hit [her]_77-marley back . [He]_{280-a man} turns toward [us]_278-us and flashes a broad smile and holds up a finger , gesturing [he]_{280-a man} will be just a moment . [I]_0-i fake a smile ; [he]_{280-a man} turns [his]_{280-a man} back to [us]_278-us to wrap up [his]_{280-a man} call , and [I]_0-i glare at [his]_{280-a man} back as [my]_0-i anger rises . How dare [he]_{280-a man} make [us]_278-us wait . “ Do n’t speak , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i whisper . “ Can [I]_77-marley whistle ? ”_[77-marley] [Marley]_77-marley whispers as [she]_77-marley looks [him]_{280-a man} up and down . “ [I]_77-marley totally want to wolf whistle the fuck out of [this guy]_{3044-this guy} . [Asshole]_3045-asshole or not . ”_[77-marley] [I]_0-i pinch the bridge of [my]_0-i nose — this is a disaster already . “ Please , just do n’t speak , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i remind [her]_77-marley again . “ Okay , okay . ”_[77-marley] [She]_77-marley does a zip - [her]_77-marley - lips - closed gesture . [He]_{280-a man} hangs up [his]_{280-a man} call and walks toward [us]_278-us , confidence personified . Smiling broadly , [he]_{280-a man} holds out [his]_{280-a man} hand . “ Hello , [I]_{280-a man} ’m [Tristan Miles]_74-tristan . ”_{[280-a man]} [He]_{280-a man} ’s all dimples and square jaw and white teeth and . . . [I]_0-i shake [his]_{280-a man} hand . It ’s strong and large , and [I]_0-i ’m immediately made aware of [his]_{280-a man} blazing sexuality . The buzz [he]_{280-a man} gives [me]_0-i makes [me]_0-i take an involuntary step back . [I]_0-i do n’t want [him]_{280-a man} to know that [I]_0-i find [him]_{280-a man} attractive . “ Hello , [I]_0-i ’m [Claire Anderson]_81-claire . Nice to meet [you]_{280-a man} . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i gesture to [Marley]_77-marley . “ This is [Marley Smithson]_77-marley , [[my]_0-i assistant]_{3046-my assistant} . ”_[0-i] “ Hello , [Marley]_77-marley . ”_{[280-a man]} [He]_{280-a man} smiles . “ Nice to meet [you]_0-i . ”_{[280-a man]} [He]_{280-a man} gestures to the table . “ Please take a seat . ”_{[280-a man]} [I]_0-i sit down with [my]_0-i heart in [my]_0-i throat — great . As if [I]_0-i was n’t ruffled already ; [he]_{280-a man} did n’t have to be good looking as well . “ Coffee ? Tea ? ”_{[280-a man]} [He]_{280-a man} gestures to the tray . “ [I]_{280-a man} took the liberty of ordering [us]_282-us morning tea . ”_{[280-a man]} “ Coffee , please , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i reply . “ Just cream . ”_[0-i] “ [Me]_77-marley too , ”_[77-marley] [Marley]_77-marley adds . [He]_{280-a man} carefully pours [us]_282-us [our]_282-us coffees and passes them over with a plate of cakes . [I]_0-i clench [my]_0-i jaw to stop [myself]_0-i from saying something snarky , and finally , [he]_{280-a man} takes a seat opposite [us]_282-us . [He]_{280-a man} undoes [his]_{280-a man} suit jacket with one hand and sits back in [his]_{280-a man} chair . [His]_{280-a man} eyes come to [me]_0-i . “ It ’s nice to finally meet [you]_0-i , [Claire]_81-claire . [I]_{280-a man} ’ve heard so much about [you]_0-i . ”_{[280-a man]} [I]_0-i raise [my]_0-i eyebrow in annoyance ; [I]_0-i hate that [his]_{280-a man} voice is husky and sexual . “ Likewise , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i reply . [I]_0-i glance down and notice the black - onyx - and - gold cuff links and the fancy Rolex watch ; everything about [this guy]_{3044-this guy} screams money . [His]_{280-a man} aftershave wafts between [us]_282-us . [I]_0-i try [my]_0-i hardest not to inhale — it ’s otherworldly . [I]_0-i glance over at [Marley]_77-marley , who is smiling goofily as [she]_77-marley stares at [him]_{280-a man} . . . totally besotted . Great . [He]_{280-a man} sits back , relaxed and confident , cool and calculating . “ How has [your]_{280-a man} week been ? ”_{[280-a man]} “ Fine , thanks , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i reply , [my]_0-i patience being tested . “ Let ’s just cut to the chase , [Mr. Miles]_{82-mr. miles} , shall [we]_282-us ? ”_[0-i] “ [Tristan]_74-tristan , ”_{[280-a man]} [he]_{280-a man} corrects [me]_0-i . “ [Tristan]_74-tristan , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i reply . “ Why do [you]_{280-a man} want to meet with [me]_0-i so badly ? What could possibly warrant [you]_{280-a man} calling [me]_0-i five times a week for the last month ? ”_[0-i] [He]_{280-a man} brushes [his]_{280-a man} pointer finger over [his]_{280-a man} big lips , as if amused , and [his]_{280-a man} eyes hold [mine]_0-i . “ [I]_{280-a man} ’ve been watching [Anderson Media]_{2-anderson media} for some time now . ”_{[280-a man]} [I]_0-i raise [my]_0-i eyebrow again . “ And do tell — what have [you]_{280-a man} learned ? ”_[0-i] “ [You]_{280-a man} are letting [staff]_3047-staff go every month . ”_{[280-a man]} “ [I]_0-i ’m downsizing . ”_[0-i] “ Not by choice . ”_{[280-a man]} Something about [this man]_{284-this man} rubs [me]_0-i the wrong way . “ [I]_0-i ’m not interested in what [you]_{284-this man} ’re offering , [Mr. Miles]_{82-mr. miles} , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i snap . [I]_0-i feel a sharp kick under the table to [my]_0-i ankle , and [I]_0-i wince in pain . Ow . . . that hurt . [I]_0-i glance at [Marley]_77-marley . [She]_77-marley widens [her]_77-marley eyes in a shut - up - now signal . “ How do [you]_0-i know [I]_{284-this man} want to make [you]_0-i an offer ? ”_{[284-this man]} [he]_{284-this man} replies calmly . How many times has [he]_{284-this man} had this conversation ? “ Do n’t [you]_0-i ? ”_{[284-this man]} “ No . ”_{[284-this man]} [He]_{284-this man} sips [his]_{284-this man} coffee . “ [I]_{284-this man} would like to buy [your]_0-i company , but [I]_{284-this man} ’m not offering a free pass . ”_{[284-this man]} “ Free pass , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i scoff . [Marley]_77-marley kicks [me]_0-i again . . . oh shit , that hurt . [I]_0-i throw [her]_77-marley a dirty look , and [she]_77-marley fakes a broad smile . “ Happy , happy , ”_[77-marley] [she]_77-marley mouths . “ And what do [you]_{284-this man} mean by a free pass , [Mr. Miles]_{82-mr. miles} ? ”_[77-marley] “ [Tristan]_74-tristan , ”_{[284-this man]} [he]_{284-this man} corrects [me]_0-i . “ [I]_{284-this man} ’ll call [you]_0-i whatever [I]_{284-this man} want . ”_{[284-this man]} [He]_{284-this man} gives [me]_0-i a slow , sexy smile , as if loving every minute of this . “ [I]_{284-this man} can see [you]_0-i ’re [a passionate woman]_{3048-a passionate woman} , [Claire]_81-claire , and that ’s admirable . . . but come on . Let ’s be serious here . ”_{[284-this man]} [I]_0-i roll [my]_0-i lips , willing [myself]_0-i to stay silent . “ The last three years [[your]_0-i company]_{3049-your company} has run at a massive loss . [You]_0-i ’re losing advertising accounts left , right , and center . ”_[0-i] [He]_{284-this man} steeples [his]_{284-this man} hand on [his]_{284-this man} temple as [he]_{284-this man} stares at [me]_0-i . “ [I]_{284-this man} ’m guessing the financials are a nightmare . ”_{[284-this man]} [I]_0-i swallow the lump in [my]_0-i throat as [we]_285-we stare at [each other]_{286-each other} . “ [I]_0-i can take everything off [your]_0-i hands , and [you]_0-i can take a hard - earned break . ”_[0-i] Anger begins to pump through [my]_0-i blood . “ [You]_0-i would love that , would n’t [you]_0-i ? Play [Mr. Nice Guy]_{83-mr. nice guy} and take everything off [my]_{284-this man} hands . . . come in on [your]_0-i horse and save the day like [a white knight]_{3050-a white knight} . ”_{[284-this man]} [His]_{284-this man} eyes hold [mine]_0-i , and a trace of a smile crosses [his]_{284-this man} face . “ [I]_{284-this man} will hold on to [my]_{284-this man} company if it ’s the last thing [I]_{284-this man} do . ”_{[284-this man]} [I]_0-i again feel a swift kick , and [I]_0-i jump , losing the last of [my]_0-i patience . “ Stop kicking [me]_0-i , [Marley]_77-marley , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i splutter . [Tristan]_74-tristan breaks into a broad smile as [he]_74-tristan looks between [us]_287-us . “ Keep kicking [her]_{3046-my assistant} , [Marley]_77-marley , ”_[74-tristan] [he]_74-tristan says . “ Kick some sense into [her]_{3046-my assistant} . ”_[74-tristan] [I]_0-i roll [my]_0-i eyes , embarrassed that [[my]_0-i assistant]_{3046-my assistant} is kicking the shit out of [my]_0-i ankles . [He]_74-tristan sits forward , [his]_74-tristan purpose renewed . “ [Claire]_81-claire , let ’s get one thing straight . [I]_74-tristan always get what [I]_74-tristan want . And what [I]_74-tristan want is [Anderson Media]_{2-anderson media} . [I]_74-tristan can take it now from [you]_77-marley for a good price that will protect [you]_77-marley . [Or”—he]_{74-tristan[74-tristan]} shrugs casually—“I can wait for six months until [the liquidators]_{3051-the liquidators} move in and get it for next to nothing , and [you]_77-marley can face bankruptcy . ”_[74-tristan] [He]_74-tristan steeples [his]_74-tristan hands on the table in front of [him]_74-tristan . “ [We]_3052-we both know the end is near . ”_[74-tristan] “ [[You]_74-tristan self - conceited prick]_{3053-you self - conceited prick} , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i whisper . [He]_74-tristan tilts [his]_74-tristan chin to the sky and smiles proudly . “ [Nice guys]_{3054-nice guys} come last , [Claire]_81-claire . ”_[74-tristan] [My]_0-i heart begins to beat faster as [my]_0-i anger builds . “ Think about it . ”_[74-tristan] [He]_74-tristan takes out [his]_74-tristan business card and slides it across the table . [TRISTAN]_74-tristan MILES 212 - 555 - 4946 “ [I]_74-tristan know this is not how [you]_81-claire want to sell [[your]_81-claire company]_{3049-your company} . But [you]_81-claire need to be [a realist]_{3056-a realist} , ”_[74-tristan] [he]_74-tristan continues . [I]_0-i stare at [him]_74-tristan , sitting there all cold and heartless , and [I]_0-i feel [my]_0-i emotions bubbling dangerously close to the surface . [Our]_289-our eyes are locked . “ Take the offer , [Claire]_81-claire . [I]_289-our ’ll email [you]_81-claire a figure this afternoon . [You]_81-claire will be taken care of . ”_[289-our] [My]_0-i sanity rubber band snaps , and [I]_0-i sit forward . “ And who will take care of [[my]_0-i late husband]_{3057-my late husband} ’s memory , [Mr. Miles]_{82-mr. miles} ? ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i sneer . “ [Miles]_74-tristan Media sure as hell wo n’t . ”_[0-i] [He]_74-tristan twists [his]_74-tristan lips , uncomfortable for the first time . “ Do [you]_0-i know anything about [me]_74-tristan and [[my]_74-tristan company]_{3058-my company} ? ”_[74-tristan] “ [I]_74-tristan do . ”_[74-tristan] “ Then [you]_0-i ’ll know that [this company]_{3059-this company} was [[my]_74-tristan husband]_{3060-my husband} ’s labor of love . [He]_{3060-my husband} worked for ten years to build it up from the ground . [His]_{3060-my husband} dream was to hand it down to [[his]_{3060-my husband} three sons]_{3061-his three sons} . ”_[74-tristan] [His]_74-tristan eyes hold [mine]_0-i . “ So . . . do n’t [you]_0-i fucking dare”—I_[74-tristan] slam [my]_0-i hand on the table as [my]_0-i eyes fill with tears—“sit there with that smug look on [your]_0-i face and threaten [me]_0-i . Because believe [me]_0-i . . . [Mr. Miles]_{82-mr. miles} , whatever [you]_0-i ’re dishing out is n’t half as bad as losing [him]_{3060-my husband} . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i stand . “ [I]_0-i ’ve already been to hell and back , and [I]_0-i will not have [some rich , spoiled bastard]_{3062-some rich , spoiled bastard} make [me]_0-i feel like shit . ”_[0-i] [He]_74-tristan rolls [his]_74-tristan lips , unimpressed . “ Do n’t call [me]_74-tristan again , ”_[74-tristan] [I]_0-i snap as [I]_0-i push back [my]_0-i chair . “ Think about it , [Claire]_81-claire . ”_[0-i] “ Go to hell . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i begin to storm to the door . “ [She]_77-marley ’s just having a bad day . [We]_3063-we ’ll definitely think about it , ”_[0-i] [Marley]_77-marley splutters in embarrassment . “ Thanks for the cake — it was yummy . ”_[77-marley] [I]_0-i angrily wipe the tears from [my]_0-i face as [I]_0-i run down [the stairs]_{290-the stairs} and out the front doors . [I]_0-i ca n’t believe [I]_0-i was so unprofessional . Tears fill [my]_0-i eyes again . Oh well , at least [I]_0-i stood up to [him]_74-tristan , [I]_0-i guess . [Marley]_77-marley runs to keep up with [me]_0-i . [She]_77-marley wisely stays silent and then looks up and down [the street]_{264-the street} . “ Oh , screw this , [Claire]_81-claire — let ’s not go back to work . Let ’s go get drunk instead . ”_[77-marley]

[Tristan]_74-tristan [I]_0-i stand at the window and stare over [New York]_{5-new york} . [My]_0-i hands are in [my]_0-i suit pockets , and a strange feeling is burning a hole in [my]_0-i stomach . [Claire Anderson]_81-claire . [Beautiful , smart , and proud]_{292-beautiful , smart , and proud} . No matter how many times [I]_0-i ’ve tried to wipe [her]_81-claire out of [my]_0-i mind over the last three days since [our]_293-our meeting , [I]_0-i ca n’t . The way [she]_81-claire looked , the way [she]_81-claire smelled , the curve of [her]_81-claire breasts through [her]_81-claire silk shirt . The fire in [her]_81-claire eyes . [She]_81-claire is [the most beautiful woman [I]_0-i ’ve seen]_{294-the most beautiful woman i ’ve seen} in a long time , and [her]_81-claire heartfelt words are playing on repeat . “ So . . . do n’t [you]_0-i fucking dare sit there with that smug look on [your]_0-i face and threaten [me]_81-claire . Because believe [me]_81-claire . . . [Mr. Miles]_{82-mr. miles} , whatever [you]_0-i ’re dishing out is n’t half as bad as losing [him]_{82-mr. miles} . [I]_81-claire ’ve already been to hell and back , and [I]_81-claire will not have [some rich , spoiled bastard]_{3062-some rich , spoiled bastard} make [me]_81-claire feel like shit . ”_[81-claire] [I]_0-i take a seat at [my]_0-i desk and roll a pen beneath [my]_0-i fingers as [I]_0-i mentally go over what [I]_0-i need to say . [I]_0-i have to call [her]_81-claire and follow up on [our]_295-our meeting , and [I]_0-i ’m dreading it . [I]_0-i exhale heavily and dial [her]_81-claire number . “ [[Claire Anderson]_81-claire ’s office]_{3065-claire anderson ’s office} . ”_[0-i] “ Hello , [Marley]_77-marley . [It]_3066-it ’s [Tristan Miles]_74-tristan . ”_[0-i] “ Oh , hello , [Tristan]_74-tristan , ”_[81-claire] [she]_81-claire replies happily . “ Are [you]_74-tristan after [Claire]_81-claire ? ”_[81-claire] “ Yes , [I]_0-i am . Is [she]_81-claire available ? ”_[0-i] “ [I]_81-claire ’ll put [you]_81-claire straight through . ”_[81-claire] “ Thank [you]_74-tristan . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i wait , and then [she]_81-claire answers . “ Hello , [Claire]_81-claire speaking . ”_[81-claire] [I]_0-i close [my]_0-i eyes at the sound of [her]_81-claire voice . . . sexy , husky . . . enticing . “ Hello , [Claire]_81-claire . It ’s [Tristan]_74-tristan . ”_[81-claire] “ Oh . ”_[81-claire] [She]_81-claire falls silent . Fuck . . . [Marley]_77-marley did n’t tell [her]_81-claire it was [me]_0-i . An unfamiliar feeling begins to seep into [my]_0-i bones . “ [I]_0-i just wanted to see if [you]_0-i were okay after [our]_3067-our meeting . [I]_0-i ’m sorry if [I]_0-i upset [you]_0-i . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i screw up [my]_0-i face . . . what are [you]_81-claire doing ? This is not in the plan . “ [My]_0-i feelings are no concern of [yours]_0-i , [Mr. Miles]_{82-mr. miles} . ”_[0-i] “ [Tristan]_74-tristan , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i correct [her]_81-claire . “ How can [I]_81-claire help [you]_0-i ? ”_[81-claire] [she]_81-claire snaps impatiently . [My]_0-i mind goes blank . . . “ [Tristan]_74-tristan ? ”_[81-claire] [she]_81-claire prompts [me]_0-i . “ [I]_81-claire wanted to see if [you]_74-tristan would like to have dinner with [me]_81-claire on Saturday night . ”_[81-claire] [My]_0-i eyes close in horror . . . what the fuck am [I]_0-i doing right now ? [She]_81-claire stays silent for a moment and then replies in surprise , “ [You]_74-tristan ’re asking [me]_81-claire out on a date ? ”_[81-claire] [I]_0-i screw up [my]_0-i face . “ [I]_81-claire do n’t like the way [we]_3068-we met . [I]_81-claire would like to start again . ”_[81-claire] [She]_81-claire chuckles in a condescending tone . “ [You]_74-tristan have got to be kidding . [I]_81-claire would n’t go out with [you]_74-tristan if [you]_74-tristan were [the last man on earth]_{3069-the last man on earth} . ”_[81-claire] Then [she]_81-claire whispers , “ Money and looks do n’t impress [me]_81-claire , [Mr. Miles]_{82-mr. miles} . ”_[81-claire] [I]_0-i bite [my]_0-i bottom lip . . . ouch . “ [Our]_3068-we meeting was nothing personal , [Claire]_81-claire . ”_[81-claire] “ It was very personal to [me]_81-claire . Go and find [a bimbo]_{3070-a bimbo} to wine and dine , [Tristan]_74-tristan . [I]_81-claire have no interest in dating [a cold , soul - sucking bastard like [you]_74-tristan]_{3071-a cold , soul - sucking bastard like you} . ”_[81-claire] The phone clicks as [she]_81-claire hangs up . [I]_0-i stare at the phone in [my]_0-i hand . Adrenaline is pumping through [my]_0-i system at [her]_81-claire fighting words . [I]_0-i do n’t know whether [I]_0-i ’m shocked or impressed . Perhaps a bit of both . [I]_0-i ’ve never been rejected before and definitely never been spoken to like that . [I]_0-i turn to [my]_0-i computer and type into [Google]_84-google : Who is [Claire Anderson]_81-claire ?

Chapter 2 Six months later [I]_0-i read the invitation in front of [me]_0-i . MASTER [YOUR]_296-your MIND . Oh God , what a crock of crap . [I]_0-i need to get out of this — [I]_0-i honestly ca n’t think of anything worse . “ [I]_77-marley think this is going to be great for [you]_0-i , ”_[77-marley] [Marley]_77-marley says . [I]_0-i look up to [[my]_0-i trusty best friend]_{297-my trusty best friend} as [she]_{297-my trusty best friend} does [her]_{297-my trusty best friend} best sales pitch , trying to push [me]_0-i out of [my]_0-i comfort zone . [I]_0-i know [her]_{297-my trusty best friend} heart is in the right place , but this is just going too far . “ [Marley]_77-marley , [I]_{297-my trusty best friend} can tell [you]_77-marley straight up , right now , that if [you]_77-marley think a motivational conference with [all those crazies]_{3072-all those crazies} is going to help [me]_{297-my trusty best friend} , [you]_77-marley are more insane than [I]_{297-my trusty best friend} ever realized . ”_{[297-my trusty best friend]} “ Stop it ; it ’s gon na be fantastic . [You]_77-marley go away , regroup , and refocus , and [you]_77-marley ’ll come back refreshed , and the company and [your]_77-marley life and everything else is all going to fall into place . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i roll [my]_0-i eyes . “ Come on — can [we]_3073-we at least agree that [you]_0-i need to change [your]_0-i mind - set ? ”_{[297-my trusty best friend]} [she]_{297-my trusty best friend} asks [me]_0-i as [she]_{297-my trusty best friend} sits on [my]_0-i desk . “ Possibly . ”_{[297-my trusty best friend]} [I]_0-i sigh , dejected . “ And it ’s not [your]_77-marley fault [you]_77-marley ’re flat . [You]_77-marley ’ve been through so much : [[your]_77-marley husband]_{3074-your husband} ’s unexpected death , caring for [three boys]_{3075-three boys} , and struggling to keep [the company]_{3076-the company} afloat . It ’s been hell . And realistically [you]_77-marley ’ve been fighting since [Wade]_85-wade ’s death five years ago . ”_[0-i] “ Do [you]_77-marley have to say it out loud ? Sounds even more depressing . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i sigh again . A knock sounds at [[my]_0-i office]_{298-my office} door . “ Come in , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i call . The door opens , and [Gabriel]_86-gabriel smiles broadly . “ Ready for lunch , [Missy]_87-melissa ? ”_[86-gabriel] [His]_86-gabriel eyes flick to [Marley]_77-marley . “ Hey , [Marls]_88-marls . ”_[86-gabriel] “ Hi . ”_[77-marley] [She]_77-marley smiles goofily . [I]_0-i smile as well . “ [Mr. Ferrara]_{89-mr. ferrara} . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i glance at [my]_0-i watch . “ [You]_{89-mr. ferrara} ’re early . Lunch is n’t for an hour . [I]_0-i thought [you]_{89-mr. ferrara} said two ? ”_[0-i] “ [My]_0-i meeting finished early , and [I]_0-i ’m hungry . Let ’s go now . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i look over at the gorgeous Italian , tall , dark , and handsome in [his]_86-gabriel designer suit . [Gabriel Ferrara]_86-gabriel is [a rock star in [New York]_{5-new york}]_{299-a rock star in new york} , but to [me]_0-i [he]_86-gabriel is just [a dear friend]_{300-a dear friend} . [He]_86-gabriel knew [[my]_0-i late husband]_{3057-my late husband} , and although [I]_0-i never met [him]_86-gabriel when [Wade]_85-wade was alive , [he]_86-gabriel got in contact with [me]_0-i not long after [his]_86-gabriel death . [He]_86-gabriel owns [one of the largest media companies in [the world]_{259-the world}]_{302-one of the largest media companies in the world} , and [[his]_86-gabriel building]_{304-his building} is n’t far from here . [He]_86-gabriel gives [me]_0-i advice here and there , and [we]_305-we catch up for lunch when [we]_305-we can . It ’s completely platonic between [us]_305-we — [he]_86-gabriel ’s a rock that [I]_0-i lean on from time to time . “ [Gabe]_86-gabriel , tell [Claire]_81-claire that [she]_81-claire needs to go to this conference . ”_[77-marley] [Marley]_77-marley sighs in exasperation . [He]_86-gabriel frowns as [he]_86-gabriel looks between [us]_305-we . “ All right . . . [Claire]_81-claire , [you]_81-claire need to go to this conference , ”_[86-gabriel] [he]_86-gabriel repeats unenthusiastically . “ Now let ’s eat . [Sushi]_90-sushi awaits . ”_[86-gabriel] [Marley]_77-marley ’s eyes find [mine]_0-i . “ Can [you]_81-claire just have a week off and go to [Paris]_6-paris ? Take some time for [yourself]_81-claire . Get away from [the kids]_{3077-the kids} . [I]_77-marley can look after everything back here at [the office]_{3078-the office} . [We]_3079-we had that cash injection — things are okay around [here]_3039-here for the moment . Use the time to recharge . ”_[77-marley] [I]_0-i exhale heavily . [I]_0-i know [I]_0-i need to pull [myself]_0-i out of this funk . [My]_0-i life is so dull ; [I]_0-i ’ve lost enthusiasm for everything . [My]_0-i life that was once wild and carefree has been replaced with animosity . Sometimes [I]_0-i ’m so furious at [Wade]_85-wade for leaving [me]_0-i with this mess that [I]_0-i tell [him]_85-wade off in [my]_0-i head , as if [he]_85-wade can hear [me]_0-i , and then afterward , [I]_0-i feel so guilty because [I]_0-i know [he]_85-wade would have given anything to see [[his]_85-wade sons]_{306-his sons} grow up and that leaving [me]_0-i would have never been [his]_85-wade choice . Life just is n’t fair sometimes . [They]_307-they say that only [the good]_{308-the good} die young — what about the best ? Why did [he]_85-wade have to go too ? “ Go to the conference , ”_[77-marley] [Marley]_77-marley urges [me]_0-i . “ [You]_0-i are not going to lunch until [you]_0-i agree to this . ”_[77-marley] “ Hurry up , [woman]_3081-woman . Yes . [It]_3082-it ’s agreed ; [she]_3081-woman ’s going . ”_[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]_86-gabriel tries to finish the conversation . When [I]_0-i do n’t move , [he]_85-wade exhales heavily and falls onto the couch . “ [You]_0-i know [I]_0-i do n’t know how to do the motivational mumbo jumbo . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i stand and begin to pack files away . “ The crap that [they]_3083-they go on with is next - level batshit crazy . ”_[0-i] “ [I]_77-marley think [you]_0-i need some batshit crazy , because [batshit broke]_{3084-batshit broke} is n’t [a fun place to visit]_{3085-a fun place to visit} . ”_[77-marley] [Marley]_77-marley sighs again . [I]_0-i smirk . “ This is true . ”_[0-i] [Gabriel]_86-gabriel smiles as [he]_86-gabriel scrolls through [his]_86-gabriel phone . [I]_0-i continue putting things away . This is true . [Batshit broke]_{7-batshit broke} is not somewhere [I]_0-i want to visit at all . [I]_0-i sit back in [my]_0-i chair and stare at [[my]_0-i hopeful friend]_{309-my hopeful friend} . “ Go , recharge . It ’s in [Épernay]_8-épernay in [the Champagne district of [France]_9-france]_{3086-the champagne district of france} , for fuck ’s sake . It does n’t get any more beautiful than this , [Claire]_81-claire . It ’s a tax deduction ; [you]_81-claire either pay for this or pay it in taxes — the choice is [yours]_81-claire . At the very least , [you]_81-claire can get a massage every afternoon and then drink two liters of champagne every night with [your]_81-claire gourmet dinner and fall into bed in a blissful stupor . ”_[0-i] “ Épernay is beautiful , ”_[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]_86-gabriel mutters , distracted . “ [I]_86-gabriel would go just for [the location]_{3087-the location} . ”_[86-gabriel] “ [You]_86-gabriel ’ve been [there]_3088-there ? ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i ask [him]_86-gabriel . “ A few times . [I]_86-gabriel went with [Sophia]_91-sophia last summer , ”_[86-gabriel] [he]_86-gabriel replies . “ [She]_91-sophia loves it there . ”_[86-gabriel] [I]_0-i imagine [myself]_0-i alone in [a luxurious hotel room]_{310-a luxurious hotel room} . It ’s been so long since [I]_0-i ’ve gotten away . Five years , actually . “ Now , a gourmet dinner and champagne . . . that is tempting . ”_[77-marley] “ If the conference part of the trip is boring , just ditch it , and have a week to [yourself]_81-claire in [France]_9-france . [You]_81-claire need this break , ”_[77-marley] [Marley]_77-marley says . [Gabriel]_86-gabriel stands . “ Agreed . [You]_81-claire ’re going . Hurry up ; [I]_86-gabriel ’m ravenous . ”_[86-gabriel] [I]_0-i exhale heavily . “ Will [you]_81-claire just go for [me]_0-i ? ”_[0-i] [Marley]_77-marley takes [my]_0-i hand in [hers]_77-marley . “ Please . ”_[77-marley] [She]_77-marley smiles sweetly and bats [her]_77-marley eyelashes as [she]_77-marley tries to be cute . Oh God , [she]_77-marley ’s not going to let this go . “ Fine . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i sigh . “ [I]_0-i ’ll go . ”_[0-i] [She]_77-marley bounces off [my]_0-i desk and claps [her]_77-marley hands in excitement . “ Yes , this is going to be so good for [you]_0-i , [Claire]_81-claire — just what [you]_0-i need . ”_[77-marley] [She]_77-marley rushes toward the door . “ [I]_77-marley ’m going to book flights now before [you]_0-i change [your]_0-i mind . ”_[77-marley] [I]_0-i roll [my]_0-i eyes as [I]_0-i pick up [my]_0-i handbag . “ [I]_0-i ’m already dreading it . ”_[0-i] “ Eep , [I]_77-marley ’m so excited . ”_[77-marley] [She]_77-marley flaps [her]_77-marley hands around and rushes out of [the office]_{3078-the office} . “ [We]_3089-we going ? ”_[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]_86-gabriel asks . “ Yeah . [I]_86-gabriel ’m not feeling sushi , though . ”_[86-gabriel] “ Fine . ”_[86-gabriel] [He]_86-gabriel holds [his]_86-gabriel hand toward the door . “ [You]_0-i choose , but make it fast . [I]_86-gabriel ’m about to faint . ”_[86-gabriel] “ Okay . Let ’s go over the details , ”_[77-marley] [Marley]_77-marley says as [she]_77-marley sips [her]_77-marley drink . [I]_0-i nod as [I]_0-i take a bite of food . [We]_312-we are in [a restaurant]_{313-a restaurant} having lunch . It ’s the day before [I]_0-i leave for [my]_0-i conference . “ [Your]_0-i bags are packed . ”_[77-marley] [Marley]_77-marley gets out [her]_77-marley diary and begins to read from [her]_77-marley list . “ Uh - huh . ”_[77-marley] [She]_77-marley ticks the first checkbox on [her]_77-marley list . “ Hair done — tick . ”_[77-marley] [She]_77-marley continues going through [her]_77-marley list . “ Appointments cleared , ”_[77-marley] [she]_77-marley mumbles to [herself]_77-marley as [she]_77-marley reads through [her]_77-marley list . [I]_0-i keep eating [my]_0-i lunch , totally unexcited about the next week . “ Oh . ”_[77-marley] [She]_77-marley frowns and looks up at [me]_0-i . “ Did [you]_0-i get laser ? ”_[77-marley] [I]_0-i roll [my]_0-i eyes . “ There are a lot of hot opportunities at these kinds of conferences , [Claire]_81-claire . ”_[0-i] “ Are [you]_77-marley kidding [me]_77-marley ? ”_[77-marley] [I]_0-i stare at [her]_77-marley deadpan . “ [You]_77-marley want [me]_0-i to go to this conference so [I]_0-i can get laid ? ”_[0-i] “ Well . ”_[77-marley] [She]_77-marley shrugs . “ Why not ? ”_[77-marley] “ [Marley]_77-marley . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i drop [my]_0-i knife and fork with a clang . “ Sex is the very last thing [I]_0-i want . [I]_0-i still feel very married to [one man]_{3090-one man} . ”_[0-i] [Her]_77-marley face falls , and [she]_77-marley puts [her]_77-marley pen and paper down . “ But [you]_0-i ’re not , [Claire]_81-claire . ”_[77-marley] [She]_77-marley takes [my]_0-i hand over the table . “ [Wade]_85-wade died , [honey]_3091-honey . Five years ago now . . . and [I]_77-marley know for a fact that [he]_85-wade would n’t want [you]_0-i living alone forever . ”_[77-marley] [My]_0-i eyes drop to the plate of food in front of [me]_0-i . “ [He]_85-wade would want [you]_0-i to be living life to the fullest . . . for both of [you]_0-i . ”_[77-marley] [I]_0-i feel a lump in [my]_0-i throat begin to build . “ [He]_85-wade would want [you]_0-i to be happy and cared for . . . loved . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i twist [my]_0-i fingers together on [my]_0-i lap . “ [I]_0-i just . . . ”_[0-i] [My]_0-i voice trails off . “ [You]_0-i just what ? ”_[0-i] “ [I]_0-i just do n’t think [I]_0-i ’ll ever move on , [Marl]_92-marl , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i say sadly . “ How could [any man]_{3092-any man} ever live up to [Wade Anderson]_85-wade ? ”_[0-i] “ [Nobody]_3093-nobody will ever replace [him]_85-wade , [Claire]_81-claire . [He]_85-wade ’s [[your]_81-claire husband]_{3074-your husband} . ”_[314-i] [She]_314-i smiles softly . “ [I]_314-i ’m just saying go on a few dates . Have some fun . . . that ’s all . ”_[314-i] “ Maybe , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i lie . “ [You]_81-claire need to take [your]_81-claire wedding rings off and put them on the other hand . ”_[0-i] Tears instantly threaten at the very thought . “ [No men]_{3095-no men} are coming near [you]_81-claire because [they]_{3095-no men} think [you]_81-claire ’re married . ”_[0-i] “ [I]_314-i ’m happy with that . ”_[314-i] “ [Wade]_85-wade ’s not . And when [he]_85-wade finds someone that [he]_85-wade thinks is worthy of [you]_81-claire , [he]_85-wade will send [him]_85-wade . But [you]_81-claire need to be ready . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i stare at [[my]_0-i beautiful friend]_{315-my beautiful friend} through tears . “ [He]_85-wade ’s still with [you]_81-claire . [He]_85-wade will always be with [you]_81-claire . Trust [him]_85-wade to watch over [you]_81-claire . [You]_81-claire need to let [him]_85-wade go , [Claire]_81-claire . ”_[0-i] [My]_0-i eyes hold [hers]_{315-my beautiful friend} . “ [You]_81-claire did n’t die in the accident with [him]_85-wade . Live while [you]_81-claire can . ”_{[315-my beautiful friend]} [I]_0-i drop [my]_0-i head and stare at [my]_0-i plate on the table , [my]_0-i appetite suddenly diminished . “ [I]_0-i ’m going to book [you]_81-claire for some laser this afternoon . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i pick up [my]_0-i knife and fork once more . “ [They]_3096-they ’re going to need a machete . [I]_0-i ’ve been rocking the full - bush vibe . ”_[0-i] [She]_{315-my beautiful friend} giggles . “ Yeah , that mess has got to go . ”_{[315-my beautiful friend]} [I]_0-i pull [[my]_0-i car]_{316-my car} up and stare at [the house in front of [me]_0-i]_{317-the house in front of me} . [[Our]_318-we house]_{319-our house} . [The one that [Wade]_85-wade and [I]_0-i built together]_{320-the one that wade and i built together} — [the one [we]_318-we planned on getting old in]_{321-the one we planned on getting old in} . [[Our]_318-we small patch of paradise on [Long Island]_{10-long island}]_{322-our small patch of paradise on long island} . [Wade]_85-wade was adamant that [[his]_85-wade children]_{323-his children} grow up in [a semirural area]_{324-a semirural area} . [He]_85-wade grew up in [New York City]_{11-new york city} [himself]_85-wade , and all [he]_85-wade ever wanted for [[his]_85-wade children]_{323-his children} was [a large patch of land for [them]_{323-his children} to play freely on whenever [they]_{323-his children} wanted]_{326-a large patch of land for them to play freely on whenever they wanted} . [We]_318-we bought [a block of land]_{327-a block of land} and built [[our]_318-we home]_{328-our home} . [It]_{328-our home} ’s not flashy and fancy . [It]_{328-our home} ’s made of weatherboard and has [a large veranda around the edge]_{329-a large veranda around the edge} , [a big garage]_{330-a big garage} , and [a driveway with a basketball hoop]_{331-a driveway with a basketball hoop} . [Four bedrooms]_{332-four bedrooms} , [two living areas]_{333-two living areas} , and [a big rustic kitchen]_{334-a big rustic kitchen} . [It]_{328-our home} ’s so [Wade]_85-wade . At the time [we]_318-we could have afforded much better , but when it came down to it , [he]_85-wade wanted [a country home filled with laughter and [children]_336-children]_{335-a country home filled with laughter and children} . And that ’s what [we]_318-we had . [My]_0-i mind goes back to that early morning when [the police]_{337-the police} knocked on [my]_0-i door . “ Are [you]_0-i [Mrs. Claire Anderson]_81-claire ? ”_{[337-the police]} “ Yes . ”_{[337-the police]} “ [I]_{337-the police} ’m so sorry ; there ’s been an accident . ”_{[337-the police]} The hours that followed were monumental and painful . They are so clear in [my]_0-i mind — the way [I]_0-i felt , the words [I]_0-i said , what [I]_0-i was wearing . The way [my]_0-i heart was breaking . [I]_0-i get a vision of [myself]_0-i crying over [him]_85-wade in [the morgue]_{338-the morgue} and whispering to [his]_85-wade lifeless body , offering [him]_85-wade an eternal promise as [I]_0-i brushed the hair back from [his]_85-wade face . “ [I]_0-i ’ll raise [[our]_3097-our children]_{3098-our children} as [you]_85-wade wanted . [I]_0-i ’ll carry on what [we]_3097-our started . [I]_0-i ’ll keep all [your]_85-wade dreams alive . . . [you]_85-wade have [my]_0-i word . [I]_0-i love [you]_85-wade , [[my]_0-i darling]_{3099-my darling} . ”_[0-i] [My]_0-i face screws up in tears , and [I]_0-i snap [my]_0-i thoughts back to the present . It does n’t do [me]_0-i any good letting that memory linger . If [I]_0-i let [myself]_0-i go back there , it ’s like [I]_0-i lose [him]_339-him all over again . The pain never goes away , but some days it feels like it might just kill [me]_0-i . [I]_0-i ’m an empty shell . [My]_0-i body functions as it should , but [I]_0-i ’m barely breathing . [I]_0-i ’m suffocating in a world of responsibilities . The promises [I]_0-i made [[my]_0-i husband]_{3060-my husband} in the hours after [his]_{3060-my husband} death have come at a heavy cost . [I]_0-i do n’t go out at night , [I]_0-i do n’t socialize anymore , [I]_0-i work [my]_0-i fingers to the bone . . . both at [home]_341-home and in [the office]_{3078-the office} . Devoted to keeping [Wade]_85-wade ’s dreams alive , to keeping [[his]_85-wade children]_{323-his children} loved and protected . To keeping [his]_85-wade company afloat . It ’s hard , and it ’s lonely , and damn it , [I]_0-i just wish [he]_85-wade ’d walk through the fucking door and save [me]_0-i . [Marley]_77-marley ’s words from earlier today run through [my]_0-i mind . “ [He]_85-wade ’s still with [you]_0-i . [He]_85-wade will always be with [you]_0-i . Trust [him]_85-wade to watch over [you]_0-i . [You]_0-i need to let [him]_85-wade go , [Claire]_81-claire . ”_[77-marley] In the pit of [my]_0-i stomach , [I]_0-i know [she]_77-marley ’s right . Like a song hanging in the wind , [her]_77-marley words are lingering with [me]_0-i . Chipping away at [my]_0-i sensibility . [I]_0-i stare into space as an empty sadness surrounds [me]_0-i . . . [he]_344-he ’s not coming back . [He]_344-he ’s never coming back . It ’s time ; [I]_0-i know it ’s time . That does n’t make it any less painful . [I]_0-i could n’t imagine living without [him]_344-he . [I]_0-i do n’t know how [I]_0-i ’m doing it . [I]_0-i do n’t want to have to learn to . [I]_0-i stare down at [my]_0-i wedding rings and grip them with [my]_0-i fingers as [I]_0-i prepare [myself]_0-i to do the unthinkable . [I]_0-i blink through the tears ; a suffocating weight is on [my]_0-i chest , and [I]_0-i slowly pull them off . They catch on [my]_0-i knuckle , and finally they slide free . [I]_0-i close [my]_0-i hand into a fist . It feels light without the weight of [my]_0-i rings , and [I]_0-i stare down at the white band left on [my]_0-i bare finger . The sun ’s reminder of what [I]_0-i have lost . [I]_0-i hate [my]_0-i hand without [his]_345-his ring . [I]_0-i hate [my]_0-i life without [his]_345-his love . Overwhelmed with emotion , [I]_0-i put [my]_0-i head down onto the steering wheel . . . and for the first time in a long time , [I]_0-i allow [myself]_0-i to cry . [I]_0-i throw the last pair of shoes into [my]_0-i suitcase . [I]_0-i leave tomorrow for the conference . “ [I]_0-i think that ’s it . ”_[0-i] “ Did [you]_93-patrick get [your]_93-patrick toothbrush ? ”_[93-patrick] [Patrick]_93-patrick asks as [he]_93-patrick lies on [his]_93-patrick stomach on [my]_0-i bed , beside [my]_0-i suitcase . [[My]_0-i youngest child]_{346-my youngest child} is also [my]_0-i wisest . [He]_{346-my youngest child} never forgets a thing . “ Not yet . [I]_{346-my youngest child} still have to use it . [I]_{346-my youngest child} ’ll pack it in the morning . ”_{[346-my youngest child]} “ Okay . ”_{[346-my youngest child]} “ So [Grandma]_94-grandma will be here when [you]_93-patrick get [home]_341-home from [school]_3101-school , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i remind [him]_93-patrick . “ Yes , yes , [I]_93-patrick know , ”_[93-patrick] [he]_93-patrick says with an eye roll . “ And [I]_93-patrick have to call [you]_0-i the moment [Harry]_141-harry ’s naughty or if [Fletcher]_96-fletcher gets short tempered . ”_[93-patrick] [He]_93-patrick sighs as [he]_93-patrick recites [my]_0-i orders . “ Yes , that ’s right . ”_[93-patrick] Little do [[his]_93-patrick brothers]_{347-his brothers} know , but [Patrick]_93-patrick is also [my]_0-i tattletale . [I]_0-i know what [[his]_93-patrick brothers]_{347-his brothers} have done before [they]_{347-his brothers} even finish doing it . [I]_0-i have [three sons]_{349-three sons} . [Fletcher]_96-fletcher is seventeen and has taken on the unofficial job as [[my]_0-i personal bodyguard]_{350-my personal bodyguard} . [Harry]_141-harry is thirteen , and [I]_0-i swear to [God]_97-god [he]_141-harry ’s either going to end up [a Nobel Prize – winning genius]_{351-a nobel prize – winning genius} or in [jail]_352-jail . [He]_141-harry is [the most mischievous human being]_{353-the most mischievous human being} [I]_0-i know , always getting into some kind of trouble — mostly at [school]_3101-school . And then there ’s [[my]_0-i baby]_{355-my baby} , [Patrick]_93-patrick , just nine years old . [He]_93-patrick ’s sweet and gentle and sensible and everything [[his]_93-patrick brothers]_{347-his brothers} are not . [He]_93-patrick ’s also [my]_0-i biggest worry . [He]_93-patrick was only four when [[his]_93-patrick father]_{357-his father} died , and [he]_93-patrick missed out the most . [He]_93-patrick does n’t even remember [[his]_93-patrick dad]_{358-his dad} . [He]_93-patrick has photos of [him]_93-patrick strewed all over [[his]_93-patrick room]_{359-his room} . [He]_93-patrick hero - worships [him]_93-patrick . [I]_0-i mean , [we]_360-we all do . But [Patrick]_93-patrick ’s obsession is almost over the top . [He]_93-patrick asks [me]_0-i to tell [him]_93-patrick a story about [[his]_93-patrick father]_{357-his father} at least twice a day . [He]_93-patrick smiles and listens intently as [I]_0-i relay past events and tell [him]_93-patrick stories about [Wade]_85-wade . [He]_93-patrick knows all of [Wade]_85-wade ’s favorite meals at [restaurants]_{362-restaurants} and then always wants to order the same . [He]_93-patrick sleeps in one of [[his]_93-patrick dad]_{358-his dad} ’s old T - shirts . [I]_0-i do this too , but [I]_0-i would never let on that [I]_0-i do . To be honest , [I]_0-i kind of dread story time . [We]_364-we all laugh and make jokes over the memory . Then [the children]_{365-the children} go to bed and fall into a blissful slumber , and [my]_0-i mind goes over the scene time after time . Wishing [we]_364-we could do it all over again . [Wade]_85-wade still lives here with [us]_364-we , just not in flesh and blood . [He]_85-wade ’s dead enough that [I]_0-i ’m lonely . . . but alive enough that [I]_0-i ca n’t fathom moving on . [I]_0-i ’m stuck in the middle , halfway between [heaven and hell]_{366-heaven and hell} . Madly in love with [[my]_0-i husband]_{3060-my husband} ’s ghost . “ Okay , read out [my]_0-i list , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i continue . “ Bus . . . ”_[0-i] [Patrick]_93-patrick frowns as [he]_93-patrick reads . “ Bus - in - ess . ”_[93-patrick] “ Business clothes . ”_[93-patrick] “ Yes . ”_[93-patrick] [He]_93-patrick smiles proudly that [he]_93-patrick nearly got it . [I]_0-i mess up [his]_93-patrick dark hair that is curling up at the ends . “ Check . ”_[93-patrick] [He]_93-patrick ticks the word . “ Cas . . . ”_[93-patrick] [He]_93-patrick frowns , as if stuck . “ Casual clothes ? ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i ask . [He]_93-patrick nods . “ Check . ”_[93-patrick] “ Pj ’s . ”_[93-patrick] [He]_93-patrick hunches [his]_93-patrick shoulders in excitement . “ [I]_93-patrick knew that one . ”_[93-patrick] “ [I]_93-patrick know — look at [you]_3102-you all growing up and reading . ”_[93-patrick] [Patrick]_93-patrick has dyslexia , and reading is hard for [him]_93-patrick , but [we]_368-we ’re getting there . [I]_0-i check the suitcase . “ Got them . ”_[93-patrick] [He]_93-patrick ticks and then goes to the next item on the list . “ Shoes ? ”_[93-patrick] “ Check . ”_[0-i] “ Ha . . . ha . . . ”_[93-patrick] [He]_93-patrick frowns , deep in concentration . “ Hair dryer ? ”_[93-patrick] “ Yes . ”_[0-i] “ Got it . ”_[0-i] “ Dresses . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i puff air into [my]_0-i cheeks and look in [my]_0-i wardrobe . “ Hmm , what dresses do [I]_0-i have ? ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i flick through [my]_0-i clothes on the hangers . “ [I]_0-i only have going - out kinds of dresses . These are n’t really work - conference outfits . Hmm . . . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i pull out a black one and hold it up against [my]_0-i body and look in the mirror . “ That ’s a pretty dress . Where did [you]_0-i wear that with [Dad]_98-dad ? ”_[0-i] “ Well . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i frown . [I]_0-i have no idea , but [I]_0-i have to make something up like [I]_0-i always do . “ Um , [we]_3103-we went for pizza , and then [we]_3103-we went dancing . ”_[93-patrick] [He]_93-patrick smiles goofily , and [I]_0-i know [he]_93-patrick ’s imagining what [I]_0-i ’ve just told [him]_93-patrick . “ What kind of pizza did [you]_93-patrick eat ? ”_[93-patrick] “ Pepperoni . ”_[93-patrick] [His]_93-patrick eyes widen . “ Can [we]_3103-we have pizza tonight ? ”_[93-patrick] “ If [you]_93-patrick want . ”_[93-patrick] “ Yes . ”_[93-patrick] [He]_93-patrick punches the air . “ [We]_3103-we can have pizza tonight , ”_[93-patrick] [he]_93-patrick screams to [[his]_93-patrick brothers]_{347-his brothers} as [he]_93-patrick runs from [the room]_{370-the room} . “ [I]_93-patrick ’m having pepperoni , like [Dad]_98-dad . ”_[93-patrick] [I]_0-i smile sadly . [He]_93-patrick would be sorely disappointed if [he]_93-patrick knew [Wade]_85-wade would have had extra - chili - and - anchovy pizza , but [I]_0-i ’ll let [him]_93-patrick have [his]_93-patrick pepperoni pizza with a huge smile on [his]_93-patrick face . [I]_0-i take a few of the dresses and throw them into [my]_0-i suitcase ; they ’ll have to do . [I]_0-i do n’t have time to buy anything else . [I]_0-i stare down at [my]_0-i packed suitcase and put [my]_0-i hands on [my]_0-i hips . “ Okay , [I]_0-i think that ’s it . Conference , here [I]_0-i come . ”_[0-i] [The car]_{371-the car} pulls into [the grand entrance of [the Château de Makua]_{12-the château de makua}]_{372-the grand entrance of the château de makua} . “ Wow , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i whisper as [I]_0-i peer out the window . [I]_0-i ’ve flown almost eight hours , and then [[my]_0-i driver]_{373-my driver} picked [me]_0-i up , and it took [us]_374-us another three hours to drive [here]_3039-here . [I]_0-i ’m dead tired after [my]_0-i early start but suddenly filled with nerves . [The driver]_{376-the driver} takes [my]_0-i suitcase from the trunk , and [I]_0-i tip [him]_{376-the driver} and stare up at [the big building in front of [me]_0-i]_{377-the big building in front of me} . MIND MASTERS Even the name of this conference is ridiculous . [I]_0-i wheel [my]_0-i suitcase in and wait in the line at [reception]_{378-reception} . [The building]_{379-the building} is lovely , old fashioned , and otherworldly . [It]_{379-the building} ’s luxurious and opulent and feels like [I]_0-i have stepped back in time . [The foyer]_{276-the foyer} is grand , and a huge circular staircase is the center feature . “ Next ? ”_{[381-the concierge]} [the concierge]_{381-the concierge} asks as [everyone]_382-everyone shuffles forward . [I]_0-i look around at [the people in front of [me]_0-i in the line]_{383-the people in front of me in the line} . [I]_0-i wonder if [they]_{383-the people in front of me in the line} are attending the conference . There are [two girls who look like Barbie dolls]_{384-two girls who look like barbie dolls} . Huge silicone lips — and how do [they]_{384-two girls who look like barbie dolls} think those ridiculous huge eyelashes look good ? Do n’t [their]_{384-two girls who look like barbie dolls} eyes hurt with something that heavy on [their]_{384-two girls who look like barbie dolls} lids like that ? One has waist - length bleached - blonde hair with extensions that [you]_385-you can see at the roots . Ugh . . . so tacky . [The other one]_{386-the other one} has a dark , curly , thick mane . [They]_{384-two girls who look like barbie dolls} ’re both wearing next to nothing and are done up to the nines . [I]_0-i tighten [my]_0-i ponytail and pull down [my]_0-i linen shirt , feeling extraordinarily uncool . Damn it , [I]_0-i should have worn something a bit swankier . [The blonde]_{387-the blonde} notices [me]_0-i standing behind [her]_{387-the blonde} . “ Oh , hi . Are [you]_0-i attending Mind Masters ? ”_{[387-the blonde]} “ Yes . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i give an awkward smile . “ Are [you]_{387-the blonde} ? ”_[0-i] “ Yes , ”_{[387-the blonde]} [she]_{387-the blonde} shrieks . “ Oh [my]_{387-the blonde} God , [I]_{387-the blonde} ’m so excited . [I]_{387-the blonde} ’m [Ellie]_99-ellie . What do [you]_0-i do ? ”_{[387-the blonde]} “ Um . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i shrug , suddenly feeling very self - conscious . “ [I]_0-i ’m [Claire]_93-patrick . [I]_0-i work for [a company]_{3104-a company} . ”_[0-i] “ [I]_99-ellie ’m running [[my]_99-ellie own empire]_{3105-my own empire} , ”_[99-ellie] [Ellie]_99-ellie says as [she]_99-ellie widens [her]_99-ellie eyes in excitement . “ Empire , ”_[99-ellie] [I]_0-i repeat , amused . “ In what ? ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i ask . “ [I]_0-i ’m [an influencer]_{3106-an influencer} . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i stare at [her]_99-ellie as [my]_0-i brain tries to keep up . Oh God no . . . one of [those twits who gets paid for posting fake crap]_{388-those twits who gets paid for posting fake crap} . “ Really ? Great . ”_{[388-those twits who gets paid for posting fake crap]} “ [I]_99-ellie travel [the world]_{259-the world} and model bikinis . ”_[99-ellie] [She]_99-ellie smiles . “ If [I]_99-ellie post an image of [myself]_99-ellie , [the world]_{259-the world} goes into meltdown . ”_[99-ellie] [I]_0-i bite [my]_0-i bottom lip to hide [my]_0-i smile . Is [she]_99-ellie for real ? “ [I]_{389-the dark - haired girl in front of her} . . . bet [they]_3109-they do . ”_{[389-the dark - haired girl in front of her]} [The dark - haired girl in front of [her]_99-ellie]_{389-the dark - haired girl in front of her} turns toward [us]_390-us and laughs . “ Snap , [girlfriend]_{3110-girlfriend} . ”_{[389-the dark - haired girl in front of her]} “ Oh [my]_99-ellie God . . . [you]_99-ellie too ? ”_[99-ellie] [Ellie]_99-ellie gasps . [They]_390-us both burst into laughter . “ [I]_{391-the dark - haired girl} ’m [Angel]_100-angel , ”_{[391-the dark - haired girl]} [the dark - haired girl]_{391-the dark - haired girl} introduces [herself]_{391-the dark - haired girl} . “ [I]_{391-the dark - haired girl} ’m going to be [an influencer]_{3106-an influencer} too . ”_{[391-the dark - haired girl]} “ [You]_100-angel have n’t started yet ? ”_[99-ellie] [Ellie]_99-ellie asks in a condescending tone . “ Well . ”_[99-ellie] [Angel]_100-angel shrugs . “ Not technically . [I]_100-angel still have a few movies left on [my]_100-angel contract , but as soon as [I]_100-angel finish those , [I]_100-angel ’m totally into it — all systems go . ”_[100-angel] “ Movies ? ”_[99-ellie] [Ellie]_99-ellie gasps . “ What kind of movies ? ”_[99-ellie] “ [I]_99-ellie ’m [a porn actress]_{3112-a porn actress} . [You]_3113-you may have seen [my]_99-ellie latest , Anal Mistress with [Johnny Rocket Cock]_{101-johnny rocket cock} . ”_[99-ellie] [Ellie]_99-ellie ’s eyes widen , “ Oh . [My]_99-ellie . God . ”_[99-ellie] [She]_99-ellie gasps . “ [I]_99-ellie totally recognize [you]_3113-you . ”_[99-ellie] [They]_392-they begin to laugh and bounce on the spot in excitement . Oh hell . [I]_0-i wonder what [Johnny Rocket Cock]_{101-johnny rocket cock} does to [her]_99-ellie ass . Or what [anyone]_393-anyone does to [anyone]_393-anyone ’s ass , actually . It ’s been so long since [I]_0-i ’ve been touched that [I]_0-i ’ve completely forgotten everything , and even when [I]_0-i was , it was never hard - and - fast porn - style sex . It was loving and tender . The kind of sex that [married people]_{395-married people} have . Safe and real , a world away from being [an anal mistress]_{396-an anal mistress} . What the actual fuck has [Marley]_77-marley gotten [me]_0-i into here ? [I]_0-i turn toward [the man behind [me]_0-i]_{397-the man behind me} . Has [he]_{397-the man behind me} heard any of this ? “ Hi . ”_{[397-the man behind me]} [He]_{397-the man behind me} smiles . “ Hello . ”_{[397-the man behind me]} [He]_{397-the man behind me} ’s blond and normal looking . [He]_{397-the man behind me} seems nice . “ Are [you]_0-i here for the conference ? ”_{[397-the man behind me]} [he]_{397-the man behind me} asks . “ Yes . ”_{[397-the man behind me]} “ [Me]_{397-the man behind me} too . ”_{[397-the man behind me]} [He]_{397-the man behind me} holds out [his]_{397-the man behind me} hand to shake [mine]_0-i . “ [I]_{397-the man behind me} ’m [Nelson Barrett]_102-nelson . ”_{[397-the man behind me]} “ [I]_0-i ’m [Claire Anderson]_81-claire . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i smile . “ [I]_0-i ’m [a computer scientist]_{3114-a computer scientist} . ”_[0-i] [He]_{397-the man behind me} looks around at [our]_398-our surroundings . “ [I]_{397-the man behind me} ’m so out of [my]_{397-the man behind me} comfort zone here it ’s not even funny . ”_{[397-the man behind me]} “ [Me]_{399-someone normal} too . ”_{[399-someone normal]} Relief fills [me]_0-i . [Someone normal]_{399-someone normal} . “ [I]_{399-someone normal} work in media . ”_{[399-someone normal]} “ Lovely to meet [you]_0-i , [Claire]_81-claire . ”_{[397-the man behind me]} “ [You]_{399-someone normal} too . ”_[398-our] [We]_398-our both turn to the front and watch the antics of [the girls]_{400-the girls} . [They]_{400-the girls} are loud and animated and so excited to be [here]_3039-here . [I]_0-i smile as [I]_0-i watch [them]_{400-the girls} ; [their]_{400-the girls} enthusiasm is childlike and lovely to watch . [I]_0-i make an idle observation that enthusiasm like that seems to dissipate around the age of twenty - eight . [I]_0-i predict [they]_{400-the girls} have five good years left before life begins to really fuck [them]_{400-the girls} up the ass . Relationship breakdowns and debt — that ’s if [they]_{400-the girls} can find [a decent person to fall in love with]_{402-a decent person to fall in love with} . [I]_0-i shake [my]_0-i head in disgust . Look at [me]_0-i being [a downer]_{403-a downer} . . . maybe [I]_0-i really do need to be [here]_3039-here . [I]_0-i ’ve never been [a negative person]_{405-a negative person} before . [I]_0-i hate this part of [my]_0-i personality that has surfaced in recent times . [I]_0-i do n’t even know [myself]_0-i anymore . The line moves forward , and [people]_406-people begin to pile into [the foyer]_{276-the foyer} behind [us]_408-us . [Men]_409-men and [women]_410-women , [all excited entrepreneurs]_{411-all excited entrepreneurs} . Apart from [Nelson]_102-nelson , [I]_0-i think [I]_0-i ’m the oldest here . “ Oh my God , [we]_408-us have to go out tonight , ”_[100-angel] [Angel]_100-angel says . “ Yes , ”_[99-ellie] [Ellie]_99-ellie says as [she]_99-ellie jumps up and down . “ Oh [my]_99-ellie God , [I]_99-ellie ’m so pumped . ”_[99-ellie] [She]_99-ellie turns to [me]_0-i and [Nelson]_102-nelson . “ [Clara]_103-clara , [you]_103-clara have to come out tonight . ”_[99-ellie] [I]_0-i smile at [her]_99-ellie botching [my]_0-i name . “ [I]_0-i could n’t keep up tonight . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i smile . “ Next time , for sure . ”_[0-i] “ Okay . ”_[99-ellie] [She]_99-ellie turns back to [Angel]_100-angel . “ Where will [we]_3115-we go ? ”_[99-ellie] [I]_0-i turn and force a smile at [Nelson]_102-nelson . “ [I]_102-nelson wonder how many films [they]_3116-they make tonight for free , ”_[102-nelson] [he]_102-nelson whispers . [I]_0-i giggle . “ [I]_102-nelson know . [Lucky boys]_{3117-lucky boys} . [They]_{3117-lucky boys} might not survive it . ”_[102-nelson] “ [I]_102-nelson know for certain that [I]_102-nelson would n’t , ”_[102-nelson] [Nelson]_102-nelson mutters under [his]_102-nelson breath . [We]_412-we both chuckle and shuffle up the line , and [Ellie]_99-ellie begins to check in . [Another four men]_{413-another four men} walk in behind [me]_0-i , all older and quite distinguished looking . Hmm , maybe this is okay after all . [We]_412-we all chat in the line for a while . Turns out [the guys behind [us]_412-we who just arrived]_{414-the guys behind us who just arrived} are app [developers]_{415-developers} . [I]_0-i do n’t feel so silly now . [Normal people]_{416-normal people} seem to be here too . [A woman]_{417-a woman} walks in , and [all the men]_{418-all the men} ’s heads turn . [She]_{417-a woman} ’s blonde and beautiful . Stylish and trendy and aged around late twenties , at a guess . “ Hello , is this the line to check in ? ”_{[417-a woman]} [she]_{417-a woman} asks [me]_0-i . “ Yes . ”_{[417-a woman]} [I]_0-i smile . “ Are [you]_0-i here for the conference ? ”_{[417-a woman]} [she]_{417-a woman} asks . “ Uh - huh . ”_{[417-a woman]} “ [Me]_{417-a woman} too . ”_{[417-a woman]} [She]_{417-a woman} holds [her]_{417-a woman} hand out to shake [mine]_0-i . “ [I]_{417-a woman} ’m [Melissa]_87-melissa . ”_{[417-a woman]} “ Hi , [Melissa]_87-melissa . [I]_{417-a woman} ’m [Claire]_81-claire . ”_{[417-a woman]} “ Nice to meet [you]_0-i . ”_{[417-a woman]} The line shuffles forward again , and then [another two staff members]_{419-another two staff members} come to reception , so [we]_420-we all veer into different lines . [Nelson]_102-nelson comes up behind [me]_0-i . “ See [you]_0-i later . [We]_420-we ’re having dinner in [the restaurant]_{269-the restaurant} [downstairs]_{3119-downstairs} at seven if [you]_0-i want to come , [Claire]_81-claire . ”_[102-nelson] “ Oh . ”_[102-nelson] [I]_0-i turn to [him]_102-nelson , startled . “ Thank [you]_102-nelson , but [I]_0-i have work to do . [I]_0-i ’ll see [you]_102-nelson tomorrow ? ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i ask . “ Yes , for sure . ”_[102-nelson] [He]_102-nelson smiles . “ Have a good night . ”_[102-nelson] [I]_0-i turn back to [the concierge]_{381-the concierge} with a smile . [I]_0-i feel more comfortable than [I]_0-i thought [I]_0-i would . [I]_0-i think this may actually be okay . [I]_0-i sit in [the swanky conference room]_{422-the swanky conference room} with [120 other people]_{423-120 other people} . [The room]_{370-the room} is abuzz with electricity . [They]_{423-120 other people} ’re all chattering and have [their]_{423-120 other people} notepads and other papers with [them]_{423-120 other people} . [Everyone here]_{425-everyone here} is so pumped to try to better [themselves]_{425-everyone here} . [Me]_0-i . . . well , [I]_0-i ’m just here for the champagne and to have an excuse to take a holiday by [myself]_0-i . But anyway , [yay]_426-yay for [the pumped ones]_{427-the pumped ones} , [I]_0-i guess . [A man]_{280-a man} comes onto the stage , and [everyone]_382-everyone claps and cheers . [He]_{280-a man} holds [his]_{280-a man} hands out and smiles broadly . Hmm . . . [I]_0-i wonder who [he]_{280-a man} is . [He]_{280-a man} waits for the cheering to die down , and [he]_{280-a man} smiles broadly again . “ Welcome , ”_{[280-a man]} [he]_{280-a man} says . [He]_{280-a man} has a small microphone attached to [his]_{280-a man} shirt . “ Welcome to [Mind Masters]_{3120-mind masters} . [A place where [you]_0-i will find a better version of [yourself]_0-i]_{3121-a place where you will find a better version of yourself} . ”_{[280-a man]} [His]_{280-a man} voice is loud and echoing , as if [he]_{280-a man} ’s giving a sermon or something . “ Are [you]_0-i ready ? ”_{[280-a man]} [he]_{280-a man} cries . [Everyone]_382-everyone cheers . Oh God . . . so over the top . [I]_0-i clap along with [the room]_{370-the room} as [they]_382-everyone all lose [their]_382-everyone shit . [They]_382-everyone are all standing and laughing as [they]_382-everyone clap . [I]_0-i frown as [I]_0-i look around at [them]_382-everyone . . . honestly , calm down , [everyone]_382-everyone . This is like a fucking cult . [I]_0-i glance down at [my]_0-i phone as [I]_0-i contemplate filming this shit for [Marley]_77-marley . Even [she]_77-marley would n’t believe it . “ And now , [I]_{433-the crowd} would like to introduce [[our]_3122-our opening speaker]_{3123-our opening speaker} . [Someone that [I]_{433-the crowd} know a lot of [you]_3125-you follow on the circuit]_{3124-someone that i know a lot of you follow on the circuit} . [A rock star in the motivational - speaking circuit]_{3126-a rock star in the motivational - speaking circuit} and [the developer of workshops that are changing the lives of [people from all walks of life]_{3128-people from all walks of life}]_{3127-the developer of workshops that are changing the lives of people from all walks of life} . [He]_74-tristan ’s here for one day only , so please , without further ado — with [his]_74-tristan cutting - edge strategy , How to get what [you]_3125-you want — welcome to the stage [Tristan Miles]_74-tristan . ”_{[433-the crowd]} The air leaves [my]_0-i lungs as [the crowd]_{433-the crowd} goes wild . [Tristan Miles]_74-tristan walks out in a navy designer suit and [his]_74-tristan just - fucked dark wavy hair . [He]_74-tristan smiles broadly , holds [his]_74-tristan hands in the air , claps with [the audience]_{434-the audience} , and then takes a bow . [Everyone]_382-everyone is going crazy and yelling and clapping . [My]_0-i eyes nearly bulge from [their]_436-their sockets . . . what the fuck ? [I]_0-i begin to hear [my]_0-i heartbeat in [my]_0-i ears as [everyone else in the room]_{437-everyone else in the room} disappears . [My]_0-i fury begins to pump . [I]_0-i ca n’t even stand the sight of [him]_74-tristan — well , that ’s not completely true . [Damn asshole]_{438-damn asshole} is a double - edged sword : gorgeous to look at , impossible to tolerate . “ Hello , [everyone]_382-everyone , ”_[74-tristan] [he]_74-tristan says in the same echoing voice . “ Congratulations . ”_[74-tristan] [He]_74-tristan smiles as [he]_74-tristan waits for silence . Goose bumps scatter across [my]_0-i skin at the sound of [his]_74-tristan deep voice . [He]_74-tristan has a slight twang of an accent , a little upper - crust English mixed in with New Yorker . [He]_74-tristan sounds distinguished and intelligent — [I]_0-i do n’t know , but whatever it is , it ’s sexy as fuck . Ugh . . . [I]_0-i hate everything about [him]_74-tristan . “ Welcome , and thank [you]_0-i for coming . [You]_0-i have taken a very valuable step in [your]_0-i personal development . ”_[74-tristan] [He]_74-tristan looks around [the room]_{370-the room} at [everyone]_382-everyone as [he]_74-tristan speaks . “ [I]_74-tristan , for one . . . ”_[74-tristan] [Our]_441-our eyes meet , and [he]_74-tristan stops speaking as [he]_74-tristan stares at [me]_0-i and then blinks . Fuck . [He]_74-tristan quickly recovers . “ [I]_74-tristan , for one , am excited for [you]_0-i . ”_[74-tristan] [He]_74-tristan keeps talking , but [I]_0-i ca n’t hear [him]_74-tristan . [I]_0-i can only hear adrenaline screaming through the rapids that are [my]_0-i bloodstream . Last time [we]_441-our spoke , [he]_74-tristan was intent on stealing [Wade]_85-wade ’s company from [[my]_0-i sons]_{442-my sons} . [I]_0-i ’m not sitting here and listening to [this vile bloodsucker]_{443-this vile bloodsucker} give a motivational speech . [He]_74-tristan ruins [family businesses]_{444-family businesses} for fun . How pathetic . Of course [he]_74-tristan ’s presenting at a conference called [Mind Masters]_{104-mind masters} . This is right up [[his]_74-tristan pretentious alley]_{445-his pretentious alley} . [He]_74-tristan thinks [he]_74-tristan is [the mind master]_{446-the mind master} . . . what a joke . [I]_0-i stand . “ Excuse [me]_0-i , ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i whisper to [the person next to [me]_0-i]_{447-the person next to me} . [I]_0-i begin to shuffle past [the people in [my]_0-i row]_{448-the people in my row} as [they]_{448-the people in my row} sit in [their]_{448-the people in my row} seats . “ [Claire Anderson]_81-claire , ”_[74-tristan] [he]_74-tristan calls from [the stage]_{449-the stage} . [My]_0-i horrified eyes meet [his]_74-tristan . “ Sit back down . ”_[74-tristan] “ [I]_0-i . . . ”_[0-i] [I]_0-i take another step toward the exit . “ [Claire]_81-claire , ”_[74-tristan] [he]_74-tristan warns . [I]_0-i glance around at the 120 pairs of eyes fixed firmly on [me]_0-i and then back up at [him]_74-tristan . “ [I]_0-i said sit . Back . Down . ”_[0-i]