Named characters
10942 [NARRATOR]
4902 Tristan (618)/Tris (79)/Tristan Miles (73)/Miles (11)/Tristan fucking Miles (7)/TRISTAN (1)/This Tristan (1)
923 Fletcher (206)/Anderson (10)/Fletcher Anderson (5)
782 Claire (158)/Anderson (44)/Claire Anderson (35)/Mrs. Anderson (6)/Mrs. Claire Anderson (1)/ANDERSON (1)
698 Harry (181)/Harrison (44)/Harrison Anderson (3)/Harry Potter (1)/Anderson (1)
598 Patrick (147)/Claire (120)/Claire Patrick (1)/Paddy (1)/Patrick Anderson (1)
404 Marley (90)/Marley Smithson (1)
197 Jameson (54)/Even Jameson (1)/Jameson Miles (1)
166 Wade (67)/Anderson (8)/Wade Anderson (3)
156 Mr. Masters (22)/Mr. Masters Mr. Spencer (1)/MR . MASTERS (1)
130 Gabriel (43)/Gabriel Ferrara (4)/Gabe (1)
121 Sammia (36)
112 Mom (95)
107 Elliot (46)/Miles (1)/Elliot Miles (1)
100 Emerson (28)/poor Emerson (1)
70 Fletch (37)
55 Mr. Miles (48)/Dear Mr. Miles (1)
54 Emily (19)/Em (3)
47 Samuel (12)/Sam (2)
44 Christopher (29)
40 Ellie (8)/Elizabeth (4)/Lisa (1)
40 Nelson (11)/Nelson Barrett (1)
38 Melina (10)
35 Paul (13)/Pilates (2)/the fuck Pilates Paul (1)/Pilates Paul (1)/Pathetic Pilates Paul (1)
35 Mrs. Henderson (15)
28 God (27)
28 Mary (12)
26 Elouise (10)
25 Pierre (3)
24 Muff (9)/Muff Cat (7)/the Muff Cat (2)/the Muff (1)
22 Saba (6)
21 Anderson (14)/Ms. Anderson (3)
20 Michael (10)
18 Claire (8)/Tristan Claire (3)
18 Nelson (9)/Nelson Mandela (1)/Mandela (1)
18 Avril (5)/Avril Mason (2)
18 Spencer (9)/Spencer Jones (3)
17 Sebastian (11)/Sebastian Garcia (2)/Seb (1)
16 Mrs. Smithers (8)
15 Melanie (3)
15 Woofy (7)
14 Dad (12)
12 Wiz (9)
10 Bob (6)/Uncle Bob (1)
9 Miles Media (6)
9 Angel (4)
9 Tricky (8)
9 Willow (5)
8 Rebecca (3)
8 Justine (3)
8 Jay (4)
7 Anderson Media (5)
7 Belinda (3)/Bella (1)
7 Marcello (6)
7 Mark (5)
6 Nancy (2)
6 Nerves (2)
6 George (4)
6 Mr. Smith (2)
6 Julian Masters (2)/Mrs. Julian Masters (1)
6 T L Swan (1)
5 Melissa (4)/Missy (1)
5 Ariana (2)
5 Calvin (4)
5 Mommy (5)
5 Harriet Boucher (4)
5 Mallory (3)
5 Brielle (4)/Brielle Johnston (1)
4 Grandma (3)
4 Anastacia (2)
4 Siri (4)
4 Mr. Scott (1)
4 Baby (4)
4 Hannah (4)
3 Mr. Ferrara (1)
3 Fuck (2)
3 Jesus (2)/Jesus Christ (1)
3 Poor Mrs. Reynolds (1)/Mrs. Reynolds (1)
3 Alexander (2)
3 Joel (1)
3 Mrs. Parkinson (1)
3 Tick (3)
3 Wizard (3)
3 Maria (1)
3 Mama (3)
3 Barb (3)
3 Hayley (2)
2 Stanton (2)
2 Amazon.com (1)
2 Mr. Fancy Pants (2)
2 Sophia (1)
2 Marl (2)
2 Johnny Rocket Cock (2)
2 Clara (1)
2 Richard (1)
2 Épernay (2)
2 Merci (2)
2 Margarete (2)
2 Alita VanDerCamp (1)
2 Aston Martin (1)/The Aston Martin (1)
2 Brendan (2)
2 Love (2)
Major entities (proper, common)
FAC
6 Anderson Media
3 Miles Media
2 Eiffel Tower/the Eiffel Tower
2 Moulin Rouge/the Moulin Rouge
2 Elm and Second
1 Bryant Park Grill
1 Batshit broke
1 the Château de Makua
1 FOUR SEASONS HOTEL GEORGE V Jeez
1 the Louvre
90 home/Home
80 here
63 the room/The room
41 the house/The house
30 the street/The street
25 the bathroom/The bathroom
24 the stairs
23 the kitchen/The kitchen
19 there
18 the restaurant/The restaurant
GPE
32 Paris/PARIS
30 New York
17 France
12 Long Island
5 London
4 Florida
2 Épernay
2 New York City
2 Hawaii
2 Manhattan
7 there/There
5 town
2 the town
2 the city
2 here
1 the Champagne district of France
1 a semirural area
1 a global empire
1 a city
1 a city I ’ve always dreamed of visiting . . . alone with him
LOC
37 the world/The world
2 the other side of the world
2 different worlds
2 the hills
2 the earth
2 earth
2 heaven
1 the snake pit
1 a fun place to visit
1 the location
PER
790 Tristan/Tris/Tristan Miles/Miles/Tristan fucking Miles/TRISTAN/This Tristan
270 Patrick/Claire/Claire Patrick/Paddy/Patrick Anderson
245 Claire/Anderson/Claire Anderson/Mrs. Anderson/Mrs. Claire Anderson/ANDERSON
230 Harry/Harrison/Harrison Anderson/Harry Potter/Anderson
221 Fletcher/Anderson/Fletcher Anderson
95 Mom
91 Marley/Marley Smithson
78 Wade/Anderson/Wade Anderson
56 Jameson/Even Jameson/Jameson Miles
49 Mr. Miles/Dear Mr. Miles
82 the boys/The boys
59 each other
48 everyone/Everyone
32 someone/Someone
31 your mother/Your mother
26 Nobody/nobody
22 this man/This man
22 baby/Baby
20 the kids/The kids
19 a woman/A woman
ORG
6 Anderson Media
4 Miles Media
2 Ferrara Media
1 Little League
6 the company/The company
3 your company
3 a company
2 my company
2 the education board
1 every struggling company in the world
1 this company
1 my own empire
1 the nocturnal company I ’m keeping
1 the most successful media empire
VEH
3 Aston Martin/the black Aston Martin
1 Range Rover
1 a Porsche
60 the car/The car
19 my car
12 the elevator/The elevator
8 your car/Your car
5 a limo
4 a plane
4 his car
3 the train
3 a cab/A cab
2 The plane
Text
OTHER TITLES BY T L SWAN The Stopover [Stanton]70-stanton Adore [Stanton]70-stanton Unconditional Stanton Completely [Stanton Bliss Marx Girl Gym Junkie Dr. Stanton Dr. Stantons]245-stanton bliss marx girl gym junkie dr. stanton dr. stantons : The Epilogue Find [Me]0-i Alastar Play Along [Mr. Masters Mr. Spencer]71-mr. masters The Italian This is a work of fiction . Names , characters , organizations , places , events , and incidents are either products of [the author]246-the author ’s imagination or are used fictitiously . Any resemblance to [actual persons]247-actual persons , living or dead , or actual events is purely coincidental . Text copyright © 2020 by T L Swan All rights reserved . No part of this book may be reproduced , or stored in a retrieval system , or transmitted in any form or by any means , electronic , mechanical , photocopying , recording , or otherwise , without express written permission of [the publisher]248-the publisher . Published by [Montlake]1-montlake , Seattle www.apub.com Amazon , the Amazon logo , and [Montlake]1-montlake are trademarks of [Amazon.com]73-amazon.com , Inc. , or [[its]73-amazon.com affiliates]249-its affiliates . ISBN-13 : 9781542017336 ISBN-10 : 1542017335 Cover design by The Brewster Project Cover photography by Wander Aguiar Photography [I]0-i would like to dedicate this book to the alphabet , for those twenty - six letters have changed [my]0-i life . Within those twenty - six letters [I]0-i have found [myself]0-i , and now [I]0-i live [my]0-i dream . Next time [you]250-you say the alphabet , remember its power . [I]0-i do every day . CONTENTS Chapter 1 [Tristan]74-tristan Chapter 2 Chapter 3 [Tristan Claire]75-claire Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 [Tristan]74-tristan Chapter 8 [Claire]75-claire Chapter 9 [Tristan]74-tristan Chapter 10 [Claire]75-claire Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 [Tristan]74-tristan Chapter 14 [Claire Tristan]76-claire tristan Chapter 15 [Claire]75-claire Chapter 16 [Claire]75-claire Chapter 17 Chapter 18 [Tristan]74-tristan Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 [Tristan Claire]75-claire Chapter 22 [Claire]75-claire Chapter 23 Chapter 24 [Tristan Claire]75-claire Chapter 25 Claire Tristan ACKNOWLEDGMENTS PREVIEW : [MR . MASTERS]71-mr. masters ABOUT THE AUTHOR Chapter 1 The phone buzzes on [my]0-i desk . “ Hello , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ Hi , [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is on line two for [you]0-i , ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley replies . “ Tell [him]74-tristan [I]77-marley ’m busy . ”[77-marley] “ [Claire]75-claire . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley pauses . “ This is the third time [he]74-tristan ’s called this week . ”[77-marley] “ So ? ”[77-marley] “ Pretty soon , [he]74-tristan ’s going to stop calling . ”[77-marley] “ And [your]77-marley point is ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [My]0-i point is [we]3033-we paid [the staff]3034-the staff out of the overdraft this week . And [I]0-i know [you]75-claire do n’t want to admit this , but [we]251-our are in trouble , [Claire]75-claire . [You]75-claire need to hear [him]0-i out . ”[0-i] [I]0-i exhale heavily and drag [my]0-i hand down [my]0-i face . [I]0-i know [she]77-marley ’s right ; [[our]251-our company]252-our company , [Anderson Media]2-anderson media , is struggling . [We]251-our ’re down to [[our]251-our last three hundred staff]253-our last three hundred staff , having downscaled from the original six hundred . [Miles Media]78-miles media and [all of [[our]251-our competitors]255-our competitors]254-all of our competitors have been circling like wolves for months , watching and waiting for the perfect time to move in for the kill . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan : [the head of acquisitions]256-the head of acquisitions and [the archenemy of [every struggling company in [the world]259-the world]258-every struggling company in the world]257-the archenemy of every struggling company in the world . Like [a leech]260-a leech , [he]74-tristan takes over companies when [they]261-them ’re at [their]261-them lowest , tears [them]261-them apart , and then , with [his]74-tristan never - ending funds , turns [them]261-them into huge successes . [He]74-tristan ’s the biggest snake in [the snake pit]262-the snake pit . Preying on weaknesses and getting paid millions of dollars a year for the privilege . [He]74-tristan ’s [a rich , spoiled bastard with a reputation for being acutely intelligent , hard as nails , and conscience - free]263-a rich , spoiled bastard with a reputation for being acutely intelligent , hard as nails , and conscience - free . [He]74-tristan ’s everything [I]0-i hate about business . “ Just listen to what [he]74-tristan has to say — that ’s all . [You]0-i never know what [he]74-tristan might offer , ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley pleads . “ Oh , come on , ”[0-i] [I]0-i scoff . “ [We]3035-we both know what [he]74-tristan wants . ”[0-i] “ [Claire]75-claire , please . [You]75-claire ca n’t lose [[your]75-claire family home]3036-your family home . [I]0-i wo n’t let that happen . ”[0-i] Sadness rolls over [me]0-i ; [I]0-i hate that [I]0-i ’ve found [myself]0-i in this position . “ Fine , [I]0-i ’ll hear [him]74-tristan out . But that ’s it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i concede . “ Schedule a meeting . ”[0-i] “ Okay , great . ”[0-i] “ Do n’t get excited . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk . “ [I]0-i ’m just doing this to shut [you]75-claire up , [you]75-claire know ? ”[0-i] “ Good , mouth officially shut from here on out . Cross [my]0-i heart . ”[0-i] “ If only . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ Will [you]75-claire come with [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , for sure . [We]265-we ’ll stick [Mr. Fancy Pants]79-mr. fancy pants ’s checkbook where the sun does n’t shine . ”[0-i] [I]0-i giggle at the idea . “ Okay , deal . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hang up and go back to [my]0-i report , wishing it were Friday and [I]0-i did n’t have to worry about [Anderson Media]2-anderson media and the bills for a few days . Only four days to go . Thursday morning , [Marley]77-marley and [I]0-i power down [the street]264-the street on the way to [our]265-we meeting . “ Why are [we]265-we meeting here , again ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [He]3037-he wanted to meet somewhere neutral . [He]3037-he has a table booked at [Bryant Park Grill]3-bryant park grill . ”[0-i] “ That ’s odd — it ’s not a date , ”[0-i] [I]0-i huff . “ It ’s probably all part of [his]3037-he grand plan . ”[0-i] [She]77-marley holds [her]77-marley hands up and does an air rainbow . “ Neutral ground . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley widens [her]77-marley eyes in jest . “ While [he]3037-he tries to fuck [us]265-we up the ass . ”[77-marley] “ With a smile on [his]3037-he face . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk . “ [I]0-i hope it at least feels good . ”[0-i] [Marley]77-marley giggles and then falls straight back into [her]77-marley coaching . “ So remember the strategy , ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley instructs [me]0-i as [we]266-we walk . “ Yes . ”[77-marley] “ Tell [me]77-marley it again . . . so that [I]77-marley remember it , ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley replies . [I]0-i smile . [Marley]77-marley is [an idiot]267-an idiot . [A funny idiot]268-a funny idiot nonetheless . “ Stay calm ; do n’t let [him]267-an idiot ruffle [my]0-i feathers , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ Do n’t say an outright no — just keep [him]267-an idiot on ice in the background as an insurance policy . ”[0-i] “ Yes , that ’s a great plan . ”[268-a funny idiot] “ It should be — [you]0-i thought of it . ”[0-i] [We]266-we arrive at [the restaurant]269-the restaurant and stop around the corner . [I]0-i take out [my]0-i compact and reapply [my]0-i lipstick . [My]0-i dark hair is twisted up into a loose knot . [I]0-i ’m wearing a navy pantsuit with a cream silk blouse , closed - toe high - heeled patent pumps , and [my]0-i pearl earrings . Sensible clothes — [I]0-i want [him]270-she to take [me]0-i seriously . “ Do [I]0-i look okay ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [You]270-she look hot . ”[0-i] [My]0-i face falls . “ [I]0-i do n’t want to look hot , [Marley]77-marley . [I]0-i want to look hard . ”[0-i] [She]270-she scowls as [she]270-she falls into character . “ Totally hard . ”[270-she] [She]270-she punches [her]270-she hand with [her]270-she fist . “ [Iron maiden]3038-iron maiden snatch style . ”[270-she] [I]0-i grin at [[my]0-i gorgeous friend]271-my gorgeous friend ; [her]271-my gorgeous friend bright - red zany hair is short and punky , and [her]271-my gorgeous friend pink cat - eye glasses are in full splendor [She]271-my gorgeous friend ’s wearing a red dress with a bright - yellow shirt underneath with red stockings and shoes . [She]271-my gorgeous friend ’s so trendy that [she]271-my gorgeous friend ’s actually edgy . [Marley]77-marley is [[my]0-i best friend]272-my best friend , [[my]0-i confidante]273-my confidante , and [the hardest worker in [our]275-we company]274-the hardest worker in our company . [She]77-marley has n’t left [my]0-i side for the last five years ; [her]77-marley friendship is a gift , and [I]0-i have no idea where [I]0-i would be without [her]77-marley . “ Are [you]0-i ready ? ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley asks . “ Yes . [We]275-we ’re twenty minutes early — [I]77-marley wanted to get [here]3039-here first . Get the upper hand . ”[77-marley] [Her]77-marley shoulders slump . “ When [I]77-marley ask [you]0-i if [you]0-i ’re ready , [you]0-i ’re supposed to answer with , ‘ [I]77-marley was born ready . ’ ”[77-marley] [I]0-i push past [her]77-marley . “ Let ’s get this over with . ”[0-i] [We]275-we drop [our]275-we shoulders , steel [ourselves]275-we , and walk into [the foyer]276-the foyer . [The waiter]277-the waiter smiles . “ Hello , [ladies]3040-ladies . How can [I]277-the waiter help [you]3040-ladies ? ”[277-the waiter] “ Ah . ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance at [Marley]77-marley . “ [We]275-we are meeting [someone here]3041-someone here . ”[0-i] “ [Tristan Miles]74-tristan ? ”[277-the waiter] [he]277-the waiter asks . [I]0-i frown . How did [he]277-the waiter know that ? “ Yes . . . actually . ”[277-the waiter] “ [He]74-tristan has [the private dining room]3042-the private dining room booked [upstairs]3043-upstairs . ”[277-the waiter] [He]277-the waiter gestures to the stairs . “ Of course [he]74-tristan does , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter under [my]0-i breath . [Marley]77-marley curls [her]77-marley lip in disgust , and [we]278-us make [our]278-us way up . [The top floor]279-the top floor is empty . [We]278-us look around , and [I]0-i see [a man]280-a man out on [the balcony]281-the balcony on [his]280-a man phone . Perfectly fitted navy suit , crisp white shirt , tall and muscular . [His]280-a man hair is longer on top , dark brown with a curl . [He]280-a man looks like [he]280-a man belongs in a modeling shoot , not the snake pit at all . “ Holy fuck . . . [he]280-a man ’s hot , ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley whispers . “ Shut up , ”[77-marley] [I]0-i stammer , in a panic that [he]280-a man will hear [her]77-marley . “ Act fucking cool , will [you]77-marley ? ”[77-marley] “ [I]77-marley know . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley hits [me]0-i in the thigh , and [I]0-i hit [her]77-marley back . [He]280-a man turns toward [us]278-us and flashes a broad smile and holds up a finger , gesturing [he]280-a man will be just a moment . [I]0-i fake a smile ; [he]280-a man turns [his]280-a man back to [us]278-us to wrap up [his]280-a man call , and [I]0-i glare at [his]280-a man back as [my]0-i anger rises . How dare [he]280-a man make [us]278-us wait . “ Do n’t speak , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Can [I]77-marley whistle ? ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley whispers as [she]77-marley looks [him]280-a man up and down . “ [I]77-marley totally want to wolf whistle the fuck out of [this guy]3044-this guy . [Asshole]3045-asshole or not . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i pinch the bridge of [my]0-i nose — this is a disaster already . “ Please , just do n’t speak , ”[0-i] [I]0-i remind [her]77-marley again . “ Okay , okay . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley does a zip - [her]77-marley - lips - closed gesture . [He]280-a man hangs up [his]280-a man call and walks toward [us]278-us , confidence personified . Smiling broadly , [he]280-a man holds out [his]280-a man hand . “ Hello , [I]280-a man ’m [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . ”[280-a man] [He]280-a man ’s all dimples and square jaw and white teeth and . . . [I]0-i shake [his]280-a man hand . It ’s strong and large , and [I]0-i ’m immediately made aware of [his]280-a man blazing sexuality . The buzz [he]280-a man gives [me]0-i makes [me]0-i take an involuntary step back . [I]0-i do n’t want [him]280-a man to know that [I]0-i find [him]280-a man attractive . “ Hello , [I]0-i ’m [Claire Anderson]81-claire . Nice to meet [you]280-a man . ”[0-i] [I]0-i gesture to [Marley]77-marley . “ This is [Marley Smithson]77-marley , [[my]0-i assistant]3046-my assistant . ”[0-i] “ Hello , [Marley]77-marley . ”[280-a man] [He]280-a man smiles . “ Nice to meet [you]0-i . ”[280-a man] [He]280-a man gestures to the table . “ Please take a seat . ”[280-a man] [I]0-i sit down with [my]0-i heart in [my]0-i throat — great . As if [I]0-i was n’t ruffled already ; [he]280-a man did n’t have to be good looking as well . “ Coffee ? Tea ? ”[280-a man] [He]280-a man gestures to the tray . “ [I]280-a man took the liberty of ordering [us]282-us morning tea . ”[280-a man] “ Coffee , please , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ Just cream . ”[0-i] “ [Me]77-marley too , ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley adds . [He]280-a man carefully pours [us]282-us [our]282-us coffees and passes them over with a plate of cakes . [I]0-i clench [my]0-i jaw to stop [myself]0-i from saying something snarky , and finally , [he]280-a man takes a seat opposite [us]282-us . [He]280-a man undoes [his]280-a man suit jacket with one hand and sits back in [his]280-a man chair . [His]280-a man eyes come to [me]0-i . “ It ’s nice to finally meet [you]0-i , [Claire]81-claire . [I]280-a man ’ve heard so much about [you]0-i . ”[280-a man] [I]0-i raise [my]0-i eyebrow in annoyance ; [I]0-i hate that [his]280-a man voice is husky and sexual . “ Likewise , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . [I]0-i glance down and notice the black - onyx - and - gold cuff links and the fancy Rolex watch ; everything about [this guy]3044-this guy screams money . [His]280-a man aftershave wafts between [us]282-us . [I]0-i try [my]0-i hardest not to inhale — it ’s otherworldly . [I]0-i glance over at [Marley]77-marley , who is smiling goofily as [she]77-marley stares at [him]280-a man . . . totally besotted . Great . [He]280-a man sits back , relaxed and confident , cool and calculating . “ How has [your]280-a man week been ? ”[280-a man] “ Fine , thanks , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply , [my]0-i patience being tested . “ Let ’s just cut to the chase , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles , shall [we]282-us ? ”[0-i] “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[280-a man] [he]280-a man corrects [me]0-i . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ Why do [you]280-a man want to meet with [me]0-i so badly ? What could possibly warrant [you]280-a man calling [me]0-i five times a week for the last month ? ”[0-i] [He]280-a man brushes [his]280-a man pointer finger over [his]280-a man big lips , as if amused , and [his]280-a man eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ [I]280-a man ’ve been watching [Anderson Media]2-anderson media for some time now . ”[280-a man] [I]0-i raise [my]0-i eyebrow again . “ And do tell — what have [you]280-a man learned ? ”[0-i] “ [You]280-a man are letting [staff]3047-staff go every month . ”[280-a man] “ [I]0-i ’m downsizing . ”[0-i] “ Not by choice . ”[280-a man] Something about [this man]284-this man rubs [me]0-i the wrong way . “ [I]0-i ’m not interested in what [you]284-this man ’re offering , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . [I]0-i feel a sharp kick under the table to [my]0-i ankle , and [I]0-i wince in pain . Ow . . . that hurt . [I]0-i glance at [Marley]77-marley . [She]77-marley widens [her]77-marley eyes in a shut - up - now signal . “ How do [you]0-i know [I]284-this man want to make [you]0-i an offer ? ”[284-this man] [he]284-this man replies calmly . How many times has [he]284-this man had this conversation ? “ Do n’t [you]0-i ? ”[284-this man] “ No . ”[284-this man] [He]284-this man sips [his]284-this man coffee . “ [I]284-this man would like to buy [your]0-i company , but [I]284-this man ’m not offering a free pass . ”[284-this man] “ Free pass , ”[0-i] [I]0-i scoff . [Marley]77-marley kicks [me]0-i again . . . oh shit , that hurt . [I]0-i throw [her]77-marley a dirty look , and [she]77-marley fakes a broad smile . “ Happy , happy , ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley mouths . “ And what do [you]284-this man mean by a free pass , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles ? ”[77-marley] “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[284-this man] [he]284-this man corrects [me]0-i . “ [I]284-this man ’ll call [you]0-i whatever [I]284-this man want . ”[284-this man] [He]284-this man gives [me]0-i a slow , sexy smile , as if loving every minute of this . “ [I]284-this man can see [you]0-i ’re [a passionate woman]3048-a passionate woman , [Claire]81-claire , and that ’s admirable . . . but come on . Let ’s be serious here . ”[284-this man] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i lips , willing [myself]0-i to stay silent . “ The last three years [[your]0-i company]3049-your company has run at a massive loss . [You]0-i ’re losing advertising accounts left , right , and center . ”[0-i] [He]284-this man steeples [his]284-this man hand on [his]284-this man temple as [he]284-this man stares at [me]0-i . “ [I]284-this man ’m guessing the financials are a nightmare . ”[284-this man] [I]0-i swallow the lump in [my]0-i throat as [we]285-we stare at [each other]286-each other . “ [I]0-i can take everything off [your]0-i hands , and [you]0-i can take a hard - earned break . ”[0-i] Anger begins to pump through [my]0-i blood . “ [You]0-i would love that , would n’t [you]0-i ? Play [Mr. Nice Guy]83-mr. nice guy and take everything off [my]284-this man hands . . . come in on [your]0-i horse and save the day like [a white knight]3050-a white knight . ”[284-this man] [His]284-this man eyes hold [mine]0-i , and a trace of a smile crosses [his]284-this man face . “ [I]284-this man will hold on to [my]284-this man company if it ’s the last thing [I]284-this man do . ”[284-this man] [I]0-i again feel a swift kick , and [I]0-i jump , losing the last of [my]0-i patience . “ Stop kicking [me]0-i , [Marley]77-marley , ”[0-i] [I]0-i splutter . [Tristan]74-tristan breaks into a broad smile as [he]74-tristan looks between [us]287-us . “ Keep kicking [her]3046-my assistant , [Marley]77-marley , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says . “ Kick some sense into [her]3046-my assistant . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes , embarrassed that [[my]0-i assistant]3046-my assistant is kicking the shit out of [my]0-i ankles . [He]74-tristan sits forward , [his]74-tristan purpose renewed . “ [Claire]81-claire , let ’s get one thing straight . [I]74-tristan always get what [I]74-tristan want . And what [I]74-tristan want is [Anderson Media]2-anderson media . [I]74-tristan can take it now from [you]77-marley for a good price that will protect [you]77-marley . [Or”—he]74-tristan[74-tristan] shrugs casually—“I can wait for six months until [the liquidators]3051-the liquidators move in and get it for next to nothing , and [you]77-marley can face bankruptcy . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan steeples [his]74-tristan hands on the table in front of [him]74-tristan . “ [We]3052-we both know the end is near . ”[74-tristan] “ [[You]74-tristan self - conceited prick]3053-you self - conceited prick , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [He]74-tristan tilts [his]74-tristan chin to the sky and smiles proudly . “ [Nice guys]3054-nice guys come last , [Claire]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i heart begins to beat faster as [my]0-i anger builds . “ Think about it . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan takes out [his]74-tristan business card and slides it across the table . [TRISTAN]74-tristan MILES 212 - 555 - 4946 “ [I]74-tristan know this is not how [you]81-claire want to sell [[your]81-claire company]3049-your company . But [you]81-claire need to be [a realist]3056-a realist , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan continues . [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan , sitting there all cold and heartless , and [I]0-i feel [my]0-i emotions bubbling dangerously close to the surface . [Our]289-our eyes are locked . “ Take the offer , [Claire]81-claire . [I]289-our ’ll email [you]81-claire a figure this afternoon . [You]81-claire will be taken care of . ”[289-our] [My]0-i sanity rubber band snaps , and [I]0-i sit forward . “ And who will take care of [[my]0-i late husband]3057-my late husband ’s memory , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i sneer . “ [Miles]74-tristan Media sure as hell wo n’t . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan twists [his]74-tristan lips , uncomfortable for the first time . “ Do [you]0-i know anything about [me]74-tristan and [[my]74-tristan company]3058-my company ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan do . ”[74-tristan] “ Then [you]0-i ’ll know that [this company]3059-this company was [[my]74-tristan husband]3060-my husband ’s labor of love . [He]3060-my husband worked for ten years to build it up from the ground . [His]3060-my husband dream was to hand it down to [[his]3060-my husband three sons]3061-his three sons . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ So . . . do n’t [you]0-i fucking dare”—I[74-tristan] slam [my]0-i hand on the table as [my]0-i eyes fill with tears—“sit there with that smug look on [your]0-i face and threaten [me]0-i . Because believe [me]0-i . . . [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles , whatever [you]0-i ’re dishing out is n’t half as bad as losing [him]3060-my husband . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stand . “ [I]0-i ’ve already been to hell and back , and [I]0-i will not have [some rich , spoiled bastard]3062-some rich , spoiled bastard make [me]0-i feel like shit . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan rolls [his]74-tristan lips , unimpressed . “ Do n’t call [me]74-tristan again , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i snap as [I]0-i push back [my]0-i chair . “ Think about it , [Claire]81-claire . ”[0-i] “ Go to hell . ”[0-i] [I]0-i begin to storm to the door . “ [She]77-marley ’s just having a bad day . [We]3063-we ’ll definitely think about it , ”[0-i] [Marley]77-marley splutters in embarrassment . “ Thanks for the cake — it was yummy . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i angrily wipe the tears from [my]0-i face as [I]0-i run down [the stairs]290-the stairs and out the front doors . [I]0-i ca n’t believe [I]0-i was so unprofessional . Tears fill [my]0-i eyes again . Oh well , at least [I]0-i stood up to [him]74-tristan , [I]0-i guess . [Marley]77-marley runs to keep up with [me]0-i . [She]77-marley wisely stays silent and then looks up and down [the street]264-the street . “ Oh , screw this , [Claire]81-claire — let ’s not go back to work . Let ’s go get drunk instead . ”[77-marley] [Tristan]74-tristan [I]0-i stand at the window and stare over [New York]5-new york . [My]0-i hands are in [my]0-i suit pockets , and a strange feeling is burning a hole in [my]0-i stomach . [Claire Anderson]81-claire . [Beautiful , smart , and proud]292-beautiful , smart , and proud . No matter how many times [I]0-i ’ve tried to wipe [her]81-claire out of [my]0-i mind over the last three days since [our]293-our meeting , [I]0-i ca n’t . The way [she]81-claire looked , the way [she]81-claire smelled , the curve of [her]81-claire breasts through [her]81-claire silk shirt . The fire in [her]81-claire eyes . [She]81-claire is [the most beautiful woman [I]0-i ’ve seen]294-the most beautiful woman i ’ve seen in a long time , and [her]81-claire heartfelt words are playing on repeat . “ So . . . do n’t [you]0-i fucking dare sit there with that smug look on [your]0-i face and threaten [me]81-claire . Because believe [me]81-claire . . . [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles , whatever [you]0-i ’re dishing out is n’t half as bad as losing [him]82-mr. miles . [I]81-claire ’ve already been to hell and back , and [I]81-claire will not have [some rich , spoiled bastard]3062-some rich , spoiled bastard make [me]81-claire feel like shit . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i take a seat at [my]0-i desk and roll a pen beneath [my]0-i fingers as [I]0-i mentally go over what [I]0-i need to say . [I]0-i have to call [her]81-claire and follow up on [our]295-our meeting , and [I]0-i ’m dreading it . [I]0-i exhale heavily and dial [her]81-claire number . “ [[Claire Anderson]81-claire ’s office]3065-claire anderson ’s office . ”[0-i] “ Hello , [Marley]77-marley . [It]3066-it ’s [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . ”[0-i] “ Oh , hello , [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire replies happily . “ Are [you]74-tristan after [Claire]81-claire ? ”[81-claire] “ Yes , [I]0-i am . Is [she]81-claire available ? ”[0-i] “ [I]81-claire ’ll put [you]81-claire straight through . ”[81-claire] “ Thank [you]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wait , and then [she]81-claire answers . “ Hello , [Claire]81-claire speaking . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes at the sound of [her]81-claire voice . . . sexy , husky . . . enticing . “ Hello , [Claire]81-claire . It ’s [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[81-claire] “ Oh . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire falls silent . Fuck . . . [Marley]77-marley did n’t tell [her]81-claire it was [me]0-i . An unfamiliar feeling begins to seep into [my]0-i bones . “ [I]0-i just wanted to see if [you]0-i were okay after [our]3067-our meeting . [I]0-i ’m sorry if [I]0-i upset [you]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face . . . what are [you]81-claire doing ? This is not in the plan . “ [My]0-i feelings are no concern of [yours]0-i , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[0-i] “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i correct [her]81-claire . “ How can [I]81-claire help [you]0-i ? ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire snaps impatiently . [My]0-i mind goes blank . . . “ [Tristan]74-tristan ? ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire prompts [me]0-i . “ [I]81-claire wanted to see if [you]74-tristan would like to have dinner with [me]81-claire on Saturday night . ”[81-claire] [My]0-i eyes close in horror . . . what the fuck am [I]0-i doing right now ? [She]81-claire stays silent for a moment and then replies in surprise , “ [You]74-tristan ’re asking [me]81-claire out on a date ? ”[81-claire] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face . “ [I]81-claire do n’t like the way [we]3068-we met . [I]81-claire would like to start again . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire chuckles in a condescending tone . “ [You]74-tristan have got to be kidding . [I]81-claire would n’t go out with [you]74-tristan if [you]74-tristan were [the last man on earth]3069-the last man on earth . ”[81-claire] Then [she]81-claire whispers , “ Money and looks do n’t impress [me]81-claire , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i bite [my]0-i bottom lip . . . ouch . “ [Our]3068-we meeting was nothing personal , [Claire]81-claire . ”[81-claire] “ It was very personal to [me]81-claire . Go and find [a bimbo]3070-a bimbo to wine and dine , [Tristan]74-tristan . [I]81-claire have no interest in dating [a cold , soul - sucking bastard like [you]74-tristan]3071-a cold , soul - sucking bastard like you . ”[81-claire] The phone clicks as [she]81-claire hangs up . [I]0-i stare at the phone in [my]0-i hand . Adrenaline is pumping through [my]0-i system at [her]81-claire fighting words . [I]0-i do n’t know whether [I]0-i ’m shocked or impressed . Perhaps a bit of both . [I]0-i ’ve never been rejected before and definitely never been spoken to like that . [I]0-i turn to [my]0-i computer and type into [Google]84-google : Who is [Claire Anderson]81-claire ? Chapter 2 Six months later [I]0-i read the invitation in front of [me]0-i . MASTER [YOUR]296-your MIND . Oh God , what a crock of crap . [I]0-i need to get out of this — [I]0-i honestly ca n’t think of anything worse . “ [I]77-marley think this is going to be great for [you]0-i , ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley says . [I]0-i look up to [[my]0-i trusty best friend]297-my trusty best friend as [she]297-my trusty best friend does [her]297-my trusty best friend best sales pitch , trying to push [me]0-i out of [my]0-i comfort zone . [I]0-i know [her]297-my trusty best friend heart is in the right place , but this is just going too far . “ [Marley]77-marley , [I]297-my trusty best friend can tell [you]77-marley straight up , right now , that if [you]77-marley think a motivational conference with [all those crazies]3072-all those crazies is going to help [me]297-my trusty best friend , [you]77-marley are more insane than [I]297-my trusty best friend ever realized . ”[297-my trusty best friend] “ Stop it ; it ’s gon na be fantastic . [You]77-marley go away , regroup , and refocus , and [you]77-marley ’ll come back refreshed , and the company and [your]77-marley life and everything else is all going to fall into place . ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Come on — can [we]3073-we at least agree that [you]0-i need to change [your]0-i mind - set ? ”[297-my trusty best friend] [she]297-my trusty best friend asks [me]0-i as [she]297-my trusty best friend sits on [my]0-i desk . “ Possibly . ”[297-my trusty best friend] [I]0-i sigh , dejected . “ And it ’s not [your]77-marley fault [you]77-marley ’re flat . [You]77-marley ’ve been through so much : [[your]77-marley husband]3074-your husband ’s unexpected death , caring for [three boys]3075-three boys , and struggling to keep [the company]3076-the company afloat . It ’s been hell . And realistically [you]77-marley ’ve been fighting since [Wade]85-wade ’s death five years ago . ”[0-i] “ Do [you]77-marley have to say it out loud ? Sounds even more depressing . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh again . A knock sounds at [[my]0-i office]298-my office door . “ Come in , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . The door opens , and [Gabriel]86-gabriel smiles broadly . “ Ready for lunch , [Missy]87-melissa ? ”[86-gabriel] [His]86-gabriel eyes flick to [Marley]77-marley . “ Hey , [Marls]88-marls . ”[86-gabriel] “ Hi . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley smiles goofily . [I]0-i smile as well . “ [Mr. Ferrara]89-mr. ferrara . ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance at [my]0-i watch . “ [You]89-mr. ferrara ’re early . Lunch is n’t for an hour . [I]0-i thought [you]89-mr. ferrara said two ? ”[0-i] “ [My]0-i meeting finished early , and [I]0-i ’m hungry . Let ’s go now . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look over at the gorgeous Italian , tall , dark , and handsome in [his]86-gabriel designer suit . [Gabriel Ferrara]86-gabriel is [a rock star in [New York]5-new york]299-a rock star in new york , but to [me]0-i [he]86-gabriel is just [a dear friend]300-a dear friend . [He]86-gabriel knew [[my]0-i late husband]3057-my late husband , and although [I]0-i never met [him]86-gabriel when [Wade]85-wade was alive , [he]86-gabriel got in contact with [me]0-i not long after [his]86-gabriel death . [He]86-gabriel owns [one of the largest media companies in [the world]259-the world]302-one of the largest media companies in the world , and [[his]86-gabriel building]304-his building is n’t far from here . [He]86-gabriel gives [me]0-i advice here and there , and [we]305-we catch up for lunch when [we]305-we can . It ’s completely platonic between [us]305-we — [he]86-gabriel ’s a rock that [I]0-i lean on from time to time . “ [Gabe]86-gabriel , tell [Claire]81-claire that [she]81-claire needs to go to this conference . ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley sighs in exasperation . [He]86-gabriel frowns as [he]86-gabriel looks between [us]305-we . “ All right . . . [Claire]81-claire , [you]81-claire need to go to this conference , ”[86-gabriel] [he]86-gabriel repeats unenthusiastically . “ Now let ’s eat . [Sushi]90-sushi awaits . ”[86-gabriel] [Marley]77-marley ’s eyes find [mine]0-i . “ Can [you]81-claire just have a week off and go to [Paris]6-paris ? Take some time for [yourself]81-claire . Get away from [the kids]3077-the kids . [I]77-marley can look after everything back here at [the office]3078-the office . [We]3079-we had that cash injection — things are okay around [here]3039-here for the moment . Use the time to recharge . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i exhale heavily . [I]0-i know [I]0-i need to pull [myself]0-i out of this funk . [My]0-i life is so dull ; [I]0-i ’ve lost enthusiasm for everything . [My]0-i life that was once wild and carefree has been replaced with animosity . Sometimes [I]0-i ’m so furious at [Wade]85-wade for leaving [me]0-i with this mess that [I]0-i tell [him]85-wade off in [my]0-i head , as if [he]85-wade can hear [me]0-i , and then afterward , [I]0-i feel so guilty because [I]0-i know [he]85-wade would have given anything to see [[his]85-wade sons]306-his sons grow up and that leaving [me]0-i would have never been [his]85-wade choice . Life just is n’t fair sometimes . [They]307-they say that only [the good]308-the good die young — what about the best ? Why did [he]85-wade have to go too ? “ Go to the conference , ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley urges [me]0-i . “ [You]0-i are not going to lunch until [you]0-i agree to this . ”[77-marley] “ Hurry up , [woman]3081-woman . Yes . [It]3082-it ’s agreed ; [she]3081-woman ’s going . ”[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]86-gabriel tries to finish the conversation . When [I]0-i do n’t move , [he]85-wade exhales heavily and falls onto the couch . “ [You]0-i know [I]0-i do n’t know how to do the motivational mumbo jumbo . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stand and begin to pack files away . “ The crap that [they]3083-they go on with is next - level batshit crazy . ”[0-i] “ [I]77-marley think [you]0-i need some batshit crazy , because [batshit broke]3084-batshit broke is n’t [a fun place to visit]3085-a fun place to visit . ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley sighs again . [I]0-i smirk . “ This is true . ”[0-i] [Gabriel]86-gabriel smiles as [he]86-gabriel scrolls through [his]86-gabriel phone . [I]0-i continue putting things away . This is true . [Batshit broke]7-batshit broke is not somewhere [I]0-i want to visit at all . [I]0-i sit back in [my]0-i chair and stare at [[my]0-i hopeful friend]309-my hopeful friend . “ Go , recharge . It ’s in [Épernay]8-épernay in [the Champagne district of [France]9-france]3086-the champagne district of france , for fuck ’s sake . It does n’t get any more beautiful than this , [Claire]81-claire . It ’s a tax deduction ; [you]81-claire either pay for this or pay it in taxes — the choice is [yours]81-claire . At the very least , [you]81-claire can get a massage every afternoon and then drink two liters of champagne every night with [your]81-claire gourmet dinner and fall into bed in a blissful stupor . ”[0-i] “ Épernay is beautiful , ”[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]86-gabriel mutters , distracted . “ [I]86-gabriel would go just for [the location]3087-the location . ”[86-gabriel] “ [You]86-gabriel ’ve been [there]3088-there ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask [him]86-gabriel . “ A few times . [I]86-gabriel went with [Sophia]91-sophia last summer , ”[86-gabriel] [he]86-gabriel replies . “ [She]91-sophia loves it there . ”[86-gabriel] [I]0-i imagine [myself]0-i alone in [a luxurious hotel room]310-a luxurious hotel room . It ’s been so long since [I]0-i ’ve gotten away . Five years , actually . “ Now , a gourmet dinner and champagne . . . that is tempting . ”[77-marley] “ If the conference part of the trip is boring , just ditch it , and have a week to [yourself]81-claire in [France]9-france . [You]81-claire need this break , ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley says . [Gabriel]86-gabriel stands . “ Agreed . [You]81-claire ’re going . Hurry up ; [I]86-gabriel ’m ravenous . ”[86-gabriel] [I]0-i exhale heavily . “ Will [you]81-claire just go for [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [Marley]77-marley takes [my]0-i hand in [hers]77-marley . “ Please . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley smiles sweetly and bats [her]77-marley eyelashes as [she]77-marley tries to be cute . Oh God , [she]77-marley ’s not going to let this go . “ Fine . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ [I]0-i ’ll go . ”[0-i] [She]77-marley bounces off [my]0-i desk and claps [her]77-marley hands in excitement . “ Yes , this is going to be so good for [you]0-i , [Claire]81-claire — just what [you]0-i need . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley rushes toward the door . “ [I]77-marley ’m going to book flights now before [you]0-i change [your]0-i mind . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes as [I]0-i pick up [my]0-i handbag . “ [I]0-i ’m already dreading it . ”[0-i] “ Eep , [I]77-marley ’m so excited . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley flaps [her]77-marley hands around and rushes out of [the office]3078-the office . “ [We]3089-we going ? ”[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]86-gabriel asks . “ Yeah . [I]86-gabriel ’m not feeling sushi , though . ”[86-gabriel] “ Fine . ”[86-gabriel] [He]86-gabriel holds [his]86-gabriel hand toward the door . “ [You]0-i choose , but make it fast . [I]86-gabriel ’m about to faint . ”[86-gabriel] “ Okay . Let ’s go over the details , ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley says as [she]77-marley sips [her]77-marley drink . [I]0-i nod as [I]0-i take a bite of food . [We]312-we are in [a restaurant]313-a restaurant having lunch . It ’s the day before [I]0-i leave for [my]0-i conference . “ [Your]0-i bags are packed . ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley gets out [her]77-marley diary and begins to read from [her]77-marley list . “ Uh - huh . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley ticks the first checkbox on [her]77-marley list . “ Hair done — tick . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley continues going through [her]77-marley list . “ Appointments cleared , ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley mumbles to [herself]77-marley as [she]77-marley reads through [her]77-marley list . [I]0-i keep eating [my]0-i lunch , totally unexcited about the next week . “ Oh . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley frowns and looks up at [me]0-i . “ Did [you]0-i get laser ? ”[77-marley] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ There are a lot of hot opportunities at these kinds of conferences , [Claire]81-claire . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]77-marley kidding [me]77-marley ? ”[77-marley] [I]0-i stare at [her]77-marley deadpan . “ [You]77-marley want [me]0-i to go to this conference so [I]0-i can get laid ? ”[0-i] “ Well . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley shrugs . “ Why not ? ”[77-marley] “ [Marley]77-marley . ”[0-i] [I]0-i drop [my]0-i knife and fork with a clang . “ Sex is the very last thing [I]0-i want . [I]0-i still feel very married to [one man]3090-one man . ”[0-i] [Her]77-marley face falls , and [she]77-marley puts [her]77-marley pen and paper down . “ But [you]0-i ’re not , [Claire]81-claire . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley takes [my]0-i hand over the table . “ [Wade]85-wade died , [honey]3091-honey . Five years ago now . . . and [I]77-marley know for a fact that [he]85-wade would n’t want [you]0-i living alone forever . ”[77-marley] [My]0-i eyes drop to the plate of food in front of [me]0-i . “ [He]85-wade would want [you]0-i to be living life to the fullest . . . for both of [you]0-i . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i feel a lump in [my]0-i throat begin to build . “ [He]85-wade would want [you]0-i to be happy and cared for . . . loved . ”[0-i] [I]0-i twist [my]0-i fingers together on [my]0-i lap . “ [I]0-i just . . . ”[0-i] [My]0-i voice trails off . “ [You]0-i just what ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i just do n’t think [I]0-i ’ll ever move on , [Marl]92-marl , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say sadly . “ How could [any man]3092-any man ever live up to [Wade Anderson]85-wade ? ”[0-i] “ [Nobody]3093-nobody will ever replace [him]85-wade , [Claire]81-claire . [He]85-wade ’s [[your]81-claire husband]3074-your husband . ”[314-i] [She]314-i smiles softly . “ [I]314-i ’m just saying go on a few dates . Have some fun . . . that ’s all . ”[314-i] “ Maybe , ”[0-i] [I]0-i lie . “ [You]81-claire need to take [your]81-claire wedding rings off and put them on the other hand . ”[0-i] Tears instantly threaten at the very thought . “ [No men]3095-no men are coming near [you]81-claire because [they]3095-no men think [you]81-claire ’re married . ”[0-i] “ [I]314-i ’m happy with that . ”[314-i] “ [Wade]85-wade ’s not . And when [he]85-wade finds someone that [he]85-wade thinks is worthy of [you]81-claire , [he]85-wade will send [him]85-wade . But [you]81-claire need to be ready . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare at [[my]0-i beautiful friend]315-my beautiful friend through tears . “ [He]85-wade ’s still with [you]81-claire . [He]85-wade will always be with [you]81-claire . Trust [him]85-wade to watch over [you]81-claire . [You]81-claire need to let [him]85-wade go , [Claire]81-claire . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes hold [hers]315-my beautiful friend . “ [You]81-claire did n’t die in the accident with [him]85-wade . Live while [you]81-claire can . ”[315-my beautiful friend] [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head and stare at [my]0-i plate on the table , [my]0-i appetite suddenly diminished . “ [I]0-i ’m going to book [you]81-claire for some laser this afternoon . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pick up [my]0-i knife and fork once more . “ [They]3096-they ’re going to need a machete . [I]0-i ’ve been rocking the full - bush vibe . ”[0-i] [She]315-my beautiful friend giggles . “ Yeah , that mess has got to go . ”[315-my beautiful friend] [I]0-i pull [[my]0-i car]316-my car up and stare at [the house in front of [me]0-i]317-the house in front of me . [[Our]318-we house]319-our house . [The one that [Wade]85-wade and [I]0-i built together]320-the one that wade and i built together — [the one [we]318-we planned on getting old in]321-the one we planned on getting old in . [[Our]318-we small patch of paradise on [Long Island]10-long island]322-our small patch of paradise on long island . [Wade]85-wade was adamant that [[his]85-wade children]323-his children grow up in [a semirural area]324-a semirural area . [He]85-wade grew up in [New York City]11-new york city [himself]85-wade , and all [he]85-wade ever wanted for [[his]85-wade children]323-his children was [a large patch of land for [them]323-his children to play freely on whenever [they]323-his children wanted]326-a large patch of land for them to play freely on whenever they wanted . [We]318-we bought [a block of land]327-a block of land and built [[our]318-we home]328-our home . [It]328-our home ’s not flashy and fancy . [It]328-our home ’s made of weatherboard and has [a large veranda around the edge]329-a large veranda around the edge , [a big garage]330-a big garage , and [a driveway with a basketball hoop]331-a driveway with a basketball hoop . [Four bedrooms]332-four bedrooms , [two living areas]333-two living areas , and [a big rustic kitchen]334-a big rustic kitchen . [It]328-our home ’s so [Wade]85-wade . At the time [we]318-we could have afforded much better , but when it came down to it , [he]85-wade wanted [a country home filled with laughter and [children]336-children]335-a country home filled with laughter and children . And that ’s what [we]318-we had . [My]0-i mind goes back to that early morning when [the police]337-the police knocked on [my]0-i door . “ Are [you]0-i [Mrs. Claire Anderson]81-claire ? ”[337-the police] “ Yes . ”[337-the police] “ [I]337-the police ’m so sorry ; there ’s been an accident . ”[337-the police] The hours that followed were monumental and painful . They are so clear in [my]0-i mind — the way [I]0-i felt , the words [I]0-i said , what [I]0-i was wearing . The way [my]0-i heart was breaking . [I]0-i get a vision of [myself]0-i crying over [him]85-wade in [the morgue]338-the morgue and whispering to [his]85-wade lifeless body , offering [him]85-wade an eternal promise as [I]0-i brushed the hair back from [his]85-wade face . “ [I]0-i ’ll raise [[our]3097-our children]3098-our children as [you]85-wade wanted . [I]0-i ’ll carry on what [we]3097-our started . [I]0-i ’ll keep all [your]85-wade dreams alive . . . [you]85-wade have [my]0-i word . [I]0-i love [you]85-wade , [[my]0-i darling]3099-my darling . ”[0-i] [My]0-i face screws up in tears , and [I]0-i snap [my]0-i thoughts back to the present . It does n’t do [me]0-i any good letting that memory linger . If [I]0-i let [myself]0-i go back there , it ’s like [I]0-i lose [him]339-him all over again . The pain never goes away , but some days it feels like it might just kill [me]0-i . [I]0-i ’m an empty shell . [My]0-i body functions as it should , but [I]0-i ’m barely breathing . [I]0-i ’m suffocating in a world of responsibilities . The promises [I]0-i made [[my]0-i husband]3060-my husband in the hours after [his]3060-my husband death have come at a heavy cost . [I]0-i do n’t go out at night , [I]0-i do n’t socialize anymore , [I]0-i work [my]0-i fingers to the bone . . . both at [home]341-home and in [the office]3078-the office . Devoted to keeping [Wade]85-wade ’s dreams alive , to keeping [[his]85-wade children]323-his children loved and protected . To keeping [his]85-wade company afloat . It ’s hard , and it ’s lonely , and damn it , [I]0-i just wish [he]85-wade ’d walk through the fucking door and save [me]0-i . [Marley]77-marley ’s words from earlier today run through [my]0-i mind . “ [He]85-wade ’s still with [you]0-i . [He]85-wade will always be with [you]0-i . Trust [him]85-wade to watch over [you]0-i . [You]0-i need to let [him]85-wade go , [Claire]81-claire . ”[77-marley] In the pit of [my]0-i stomach , [I]0-i know [she]77-marley ’s right . Like a song hanging in the wind , [her]77-marley words are lingering with [me]0-i . Chipping away at [my]0-i sensibility . [I]0-i stare into space as an empty sadness surrounds [me]0-i . . . [he]344-he ’s not coming back . [He]344-he ’s never coming back . It ’s time ; [I]0-i know it ’s time . That does n’t make it any less painful . [I]0-i could n’t imagine living without [him]344-he . [I]0-i do n’t know how [I]0-i ’m doing it . [I]0-i do n’t want to have to learn to . [I]0-i stare down at [my]0-i wedding rings and grip them with [my]0-i fingers as [I]0-i prepare [myself]0-i to do the unthinkable . [I]0-i blink through the tears ; a suffocating weight is on [my]0-i chest , and [I]0-i slowly pull them off . They catch on [my]0-i knuckle , and finally they slide free . [I]0-i close [my]0-i hand into a fist . It feels light without the weight of [my]0-i rings , and [I]0-i stare down at the white band left on [my]0-i bare finger . The sun ’s reminder of what [I]0-i have lost . [I]0-i hate [my]0-i hand without [his]345-his ring . [I]0-i hate [my]0-i life without [his]345-his love . Overwhelmed with emotion , [I]0-i put [my]0-i head down onto the steering wheel . . . and for the first time in a long time , [I]0-i allow [myself]0-i to cry . [I]0-i throw the last pair of shoes into [my]0-i suitcase . [I]0-i leave tomorrow for the conference . “ [I]0-i think that ’s it . ”[0-i] “ Did [you]93-patrick get [your]93-patrick toothbrush ? ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick asks as [he]93-patrick lies on [his]93-patrick stomach on [my]0-i bed , beside [my]0-i suitcase . [[My]0-i youngest child]346-my youngest child is also [my]0-i wisest . [He]346-my youngest child never forgets a thing . “ Not yet . [I]346-my youngest child still have to use it . [I]346-my youngest child ’ll pack it in the morning . ”[346-my youngest child] “ Okay . ”[346-my youngest child] “ So [Grandma]94-grandma will be here when [you]93-patrick get [home]341-home from [school]3101-school , ”[0-i] [I]0-i remind [him]93-patrick . “ Yes , yes , [I]93-patrick know , ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick says with an eye roll . “ And [I]93-patrick have to call [you]0-i the moment [Harry]141-harry ’s naughty or if [Fletcher]96-fletcher gets short tempered . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick sighs as [he]93-patrick recites [my]0-i orders . “ Yes , that ’s right . ”[93-patrick] Little do [[his]93-patrick brothers]347-his brothers know , but [Patrick]93-patrick is also [my]0-i tattletale . [I]0-i know what [[his]93-patrick brothers]347-his brothers have done before [they]347-his brothers even finish doing it . [I]0-i have [three sons]349-three sons . [Fletcher]96-fletcher is seventeen and has taken on the unofficial job as [[my]0-i personal bodyguard]350-my personal bodyguard . [Harry]141-harry is thirteen , and [I]0-i swear to [God]97-god [he]141-harry ’s either going to end up [a Nobel Prize – winning genius]351-a nobel prize – winning genius or in [jail]352-jail . [He]141-harry is [the most mischievous human being]353-the most mischievous human being [I]0-i know , always getting into some kind of trouble — mostly at [school]3101-school . And then there ’s [[my]0-i baby]355-my baby , [Patrick]93-patrick , just nine years old . [He]93-patrick ’s sweet and gentle and sensible and everything [[his]93-patrick brothers]347-his brothers are not . [He]93-patrick ’s also [my]0-i biggest worry . [He]93-patrick was only four when [[his]93-patrick father]357-his father died , and [he]93-patrick missed out the most . [He]93-patrick does n’t even remember [[his]93-patrick dad]358-his dad . [He]93-patrick has photos of [him]93-patrick strewed all over [[his]93-patrick room]359-his room . [He]93-patrick hero - worships [him]93-patrick . [I]0-i mean , [we]360-we all do . But [Patrick]93-patrick ’s obsession is almost over the top . [He]93-patrick asks [me]0-i to tell [him]93-patrick a story about [[his]93-patrick father]357-his father at least twice a day . [He]93-patrick smiles and listens intently as [I]0-i relay past events and tell [him]93-patrick stories about [Wade]85-wade . [He]93-patrick knows all of [Wade]85-wade ’s favorite meals at [restaurants]362-restaurants and then always wants to order the same . [He]93-patrick sleeps in one of [[his]93-patrick dad]358-his dad ’s old T - shirts . [I]0-i do this too , but [I]0-i would never let on that [I]0-i do . To be honest , [I]0-i kind of dread story time . [We]364-we all laugh and make jokes over the memory . Then [the children]365-the children go to bed and fall into a blissful slumber , and [my]0-i mind goes over the scene time after time . Wishing [we]364-we could do it all over again . [Wade]85-wade still lives here with [us]364-we , just not in flesh and blood . [He]85-wade ’s dead enough that [I]0-i ’m lonely . . . but alive enough that [I]0-i ca n’t fathom moving on . [I]0-i ’m stuck in the middle , halfway between [heaven and hell]366-heaven and hell . Madly in love with [[my]0-i husband]3060-my husband ’s ghost . “ Okay , read out [my]0-i list , ”[0-i] [I]0-i continue . “ Bus . . . ”[0-i] [Patrick]93-patrick frowns as [he]93-patrick reads . “ Bus - in - ess . ”[93-patrick] “ Business clothes . ”[93-patrick] “ Yes . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick smiles proudly that [he]93-patrick nearly got it . [I]0-i mess up [his]93-patrick dark hair that is curling up at the ends . “ Check . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick ticks the word . “ Cas . . . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick frowns , as if stuck . “ Casual clothes ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]93-patrick nods . “ Check . ”[93-patrick] “ Pj ’s . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick hunches [his]93-patrick shoulders in excitement . “ [I]93-patrick knew that one . ”[93-patrick] “ [I]93-patrick know — look at [you]3102-you all growing up and reading . ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick has dyslexia , and reading is hard for [him]93-patrick , but [we]368-we ’re getting there . [I]0-i check the suitcase . “ Got them . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick ticks and then goes to the next item on the list . “ Shoes ? ”[93-patrick] “ Check . ”[0-i] “ Ha . . . ha . . . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick frowns , deep in concentration . “ Hair dryer ? ”[93-patrick] “ Yes . ”[0-i] “ Got it . ”[0-i] “ Dresses . ”[0-i] [I]0-i puff air into [my]0-i cheeks and look in [my]0-i wardrobe . “ Hmm , what dresses do [I]0-i have ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i flick through [my]0-i clothes on the hangers . “ [I]0-i only have going - out kinds of dresses . These are n’t really work - conference outfits . Hmm . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pull out a black one and hold it up against [my]0-i body and look in the mirror . “ That ’s a pretty dress . Where did [you]0-i wear that with [Dad]98-dad ? ”[0-i] “ Well . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . [I]0-i have no idea , but [I]0-i have to make something up like [I]0-i always do . “ Um , [we]3103-we went for pizza , and then [we]3103-we went dancing . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick smiles goofily , and [I]0-i know [he]93-patrick ’s imagining what [I]0-i ’ve just told [him]93-patrick . “ What kind of pizza did [you]93-patrick eat ? ”[93-patrick] “ Pepperoni . ”[93-patrick] [His]93-patrick eyes widen . “ Can [we]3103-we have pizza tonight ? ”[93-patrick] “ If [you]93-patrick want . ”[93-patrick] “ Yes . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick punches the air . “ [We]3103-we can have pizza tonight , ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick screams to [[his]93-patrick brothers]347-his brothers as [he]93-patrick runs from [the room]370-the room . “ [I]93-patrick ’m having pepperoni , like [Dad]98-dad . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i smile sadly . [He]93-patrick would be sorely disappointed if [he]93-patrick knew [Wade]85-wade would have had extra - chili - and - anchovy pizza , but [I]0-i ’ll let [him]93-patrick have [his]93-patrick pepperoni pizza with a huge smile on [his]93-patrick face . [I]0-i take a few of the dresses and throw them into [my]0-i suitcase ; they ’ll have to do . [I]0-i do n’t have time to buy anything else . [I]0-i stare down at [my]0-i packed suitcase and put [my]0-i hands on [my]0-i hips . “ Okay , [I]0-i think that ’s it . Conference , here [I]0-i come . ”[0-i] [The car]371-the car pulls into [the grand entrance of [the Château de Makua]12-the château de makua]372-the grand entrance of the château de makua . “ Wow , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i peer out the window . [I]0-i ’ve flown almost eight hours , and then [[my]0-i driver]373-my driver picked [me]0-i up , and it took [us]374-us another three hours to drive [here]3039-here . [I]0-i ’m dead tired after [my]0-i early start but suddenly filled with nerves . [The driver]376-the driver takes [my]0-i suitcase from the trunk , and [I]0-i tip [him]376-the driver and stare up at [the big building in front of [me]0-i]377-the big building in front of me . MIND MASTERS Even the name of this conference is ridiculous . [I]0-i wheel [my]0-i suitcase in and wait in the line at [reception]378-reception . [The building]379-the building is lovely , old fashioned , and otherworldly . [It]379-the building ’s luxurious and opulent and feels like [I]0-i have stepped back in time . [The foyer]276-the foyer is grand , and a huge circular staircase is the center feature . “ Next ? ”[381-the concierge] [the concierge]381-the concierge asks as [everyone]382-everyone shuffles forward . [I]0-i look around at [the people in front of [me]0-i in the line]383-the people in front of me in the line . [I]0-i wonder if [they]383-the people in front of me in the line are attending the conference . There are [two girls who look like Barbie dolls]384-two girls who look like barbie dolls . Huge silicone lips — and how do [they]384-two girls who look like barbie dolls think those ridiculous huge eyelashes look good ? Do n’t [their]384-two girls who look like barbie dolls eyes hurt with something that heavy on [their]384-two girls who look like barbie dolls lids like that ? One has waist - length bleached - blonde hair with extensions that [you]385-you can see at the roots . Ugh . . . so tacky . [The other one]386-the other one has a dark , curly , thick mane . [They]384-two girls who look like barbie dolls ’re both wearing next to nothing and are done up to the nines . [I]0-i tighten [my]0-i ponytail and pull down [my]0-i linen shirt , feeling extraordinarily uncool . Damn it , [I]0-i should have worn something a bit swankier . [The blonde]387-the blonde notices [me]0-i standing behind [her]387-the blonde . “ Oh , hi . Are [you]0-i attending Mind Masters ? ”[387-the blonde] “ Yes . ”[0-i] [I]0-i give an awkward smile . “ Are [you]387-the blonde ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , ”[387-the blonde] [she]387-the blonde shrieks . “ Oh [my]387-the blonde God , [I]387-the blonde ’m so excited . [I]387-the blonde ’m [Ellie]99-ellie . What do [you]0-i do ? ”[387-the blonde] “ Um . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug , suddenly feeling very self - conscious . “ [I]0-i ’m [Claire]93-patrick . [I]0-i work for [a company]3104-a company . ”[0-i] “ [I]99-ellie ’m running [[my]99-ellie own empire]3105-my own empire , ”[99-ellie] [Ellie]99-ellie says as [she]99-ellie widens [her]99-ellie eyes in excitement . “ Empire , ”[99-ellie] [I]0-i repeat , amused . “ In what ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]0-i ’m [an influencer]3106-an influencer . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare at [her]99-ellie as [my]0-i brain tries to keep up . Oh God no . . . one of [those twits who gets paid for posting fake crap]388-those twits who gets paid for posting fake crap . “ Really ? Great . ”[388-those twits who gets paid for posting fake crap] “ [I]99-ellie travel [the world]259-the world and model bikinis . ”[99-ellie] [She]99-ellie smiles . “ If [I]99-ellie post an image of [myself]99-ellie , [the world]259-the world goes into meltdown . ”[99-ellie] [I]0-i bite [my]0-i bottom lip to hide [my]0-i smile . Is [she]99-ellie for real ? “ [I]389-the dark - haired girl in front of her . . . bet [they]3109-they do . ”[389-the dark - haired girl in front of her] [The dark - haired girl in front of [her]99-ellie]389-the dark - haired girl in front of her turns toward [us]390-us and laughs . “ Snap , [girlfriend]3110-girlfriend . ”[389-the dark - haired girl in front of her] “ Oh [my]99-ellie God . . . [you]99-ellie too ? ”[99-ellie] [Ellie]99-ellie gasps . [They]390-us both burst into laughter . “ [I]391-the dark - haired girl ’m [Angel]100-angel , ”[391-the dark - haired girl] [the dark - haired girl]391-the dark - haired girl introduces [herself]391-the dark - haired girl . “ [I]391-the dark - haired girl ’m going to be [an influencer]3106-an influencer too . ”[391-the dark - haired girl] “ [You]100-angel have n’t started yet ? ”[99-ellie] [Ellie]99-ellie asks in a condescending tone . “ Well . ”[99-ellie] [Angel]100-angel shrugs . “ Not technically . [I]100-angel still have a few movies left on [my]100-angel contract , but as soon as [I]100-angel finish those , [I]100-angel ’m totally into it — all systems go . ”[100-angel] “ Movies ? ”[99-ellie] [Ellie]99-ellie gasps . “ What kind of movies ? ”[99-ellie] “ [I]99-ellie ’m [a porn actress]3112-a porn actress . [You]3113-you may have seen [my]99-ellie latest , Anal Mistress with [Johnny Rocket Cock]101-johnny rocket cock . ”[99-ellie] [Ellie]99-ellie ’s eyes widen , “ Oh . [My]99-ellie . God . ”[99-ellie] [She]99-ellie gasps . “ [I]99-ellie totally recognize [you]3113-you . ”[99-ellie] [They]392-they begin to laugh and bounce on the spot in excitement . Oh hell . [I]0-i wonder what [Johnny Rocket Cock]101-johnny rocket cock does to [her]99-ellie ass . Or what [anyone]393-anyone does to [anyone]393-anyone ’s ass , actually . It ’s been so long since [I]0-i ’ve been touched that [I]0-i ’ve completely forgotten everything , and even when [I]0-i was , it was never hard - and - fast porn - style sex . It was loving and tender . The kind of sex that [married people]395-married people have . Safe and real , a world away from being [an anal mistress]396-an anal mistress . What the actual fuck has [Marley]77-marley gotten [me]0-i into here ? [I]0-i turn toward [the man behind [me]0-i]397-the man behind me . Has [he]397-the man behind me heard any of this ? “ Hi . ”[397-the man behind me] [He]397-the man behind me smiles . “ Hello . ”[397-the man behind me] [He]397-the man behind me ’s blond and normal looking . [He]397-the man behind me seems nice . “ Are [you]0-i here for the conference ? ”[397-the man behind me] [he]397-the man behind me asks . “ Yes . ”[397-the man behind me] “ [Me]397-the man behind me too . ”[397-the man behind me] [He]397-the man behind me holds out [his]397-the man behind me hand to shake [mine]0-i . “ [I]397-the man behind me ’m [Nelson Barrett]102-nelson . ”[397-the man behind me] “ [I]0-i ’m [Claire Anderson]81-claire . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ [I]0-i ’m [a computer scientist]3114-a computer scientist . ”[0-i] [He]397-the man behind me looks around at [our]398-our surroundings . “ [I]397-the man behind me ’m so out of [my]397-the man behind me comfort zone here it ’s not even funny . ”[397-the man behind me] “ [Me]399-someone normal too . ”[399-someone normal] Relief fills [me]0-i . [Someone normal]399-someone normal . “ [I]399-someone normal work in media . ”[399-someone normal] “ Lovely to meet [you]0-i , [Claire]81-claire . ”[397-the man behind me] “ [You]399-someone normal too . ”[398-our] [We]398-our both turn to the front and watch the antics of [the girls]400-the girls . [They]400-the girls are loud and animated and so excited to be [here]3039-here . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i watch [them]400-the girls ; [their]400-the girls enthusiasm is childlike and lovely to watch . [I]0-i make an idle observation that enthusiasm like that seems to dissipate around the age of twenty - eight . [I]0-i predict [they]400-the girls have five good years left before life begins to really fuck [them]400-the girls up the ass . Relationship breakdowns and debt — that ’s if [they]400-the girls can find [a decent person to fall in love with]402-a decent person to fall in love with . [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head in disgust . Look at [me]0-i being [a downer]403-a downer . . . maybe [I]0-i really do need to be [here]3039-here . [I]0-i ’ve never been [a negative person]405-a negative person before . [I]0-i hate this part of [my]0-i personality that has surfaced in recent times . [I]0-i do n’t even know [myself]0-i anymore . The line moves forward , and [people]406-people begin to pile into [the foyer]276-the foyer behind [us]408-us . [Men]409-men and [women]410-women , [all excited entrepreneurs]411-all excited entrepreneurs . Apart from [Nelson]102-nelson , [I]0-i think [I]0-i ’m the oldest here . “ Oh my God , [we]408-us have to go out tonight , ”[100-angel] [Angel]100-angel says . “ Yes , ”[99-ellie] [Ellie]99-ellie says as [she]99-ellie jumps up and down . “ Oh [my]99-ellie God , [I]99-ellie ’m so pumped . ”[99-ellie] [She]99-ellie turns to [me]0-i and [Nelson]102-nelson . “ [Clara]103-clara , [you]103-clara have to come out tonight . ”[99-ellie] [I]0-i smile at [her]99-ellie botching [my]0-i name . “ [I]0-i could n’t keep up tonight . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ Next time , for sure . ”[0-i] “ Okay . ”[99-ellie] [She]99-ellie turns back to [Angel]100-angel . “ Where will [we]3115-we go ? ”[99-ellie] [I]0-i turn and force a smile at [Nelson]102-nelson . “ [I]102-nelson wonder how many films [they]3116-they make tonight for free , ”[102-nelson] [he]102-nelson whispers . [I]0-i giggle . “ [I]102-nelson know . [Lucky boys]3117-lucky boys . [They]3117-lucky boys might not survive it . ”[102-nelson] “ [I]102-nelson know for certain that [I]102-nelson would n’t , ”[102-nelson] [Nelson]102-nelson mutters under [his]102-nelson breath . [We]412-we both chuckle and shuffle up the line , and [Ellie]99-ellie begins to check in . [Another four men]413-another four men walk in behind [me]0-i , all older and quite distinguished looking . Hmm , maybe this is okay after all . [We]412-we all chat in the line for a while . Turns out [the guys behind [us]412-we who just arrived]414-the guys behind us who just arrived are app [developers]415-developers . [I]0-i do n’t feel so silly now . [Normal people]416-normal people seem to be here too . [A woman]417-a woman walks in , and [all the men]418-all the men ’s heads turn . [She]417-a woman ’s blonde and beautiful . Stylish and trendy and aged around late twenties , at a guess . “ Hello , is this the line to check in ? ”[417-a woman] [she]417-a woman asks [me]0-i . “ Yes . ”[417-a woman] [I]0-i smile . “ Are [you]0-i here for the conference ? ”[417-a woman] [she]417-a woman asks . “ Uh - huh . ”[417-a woman] “ [Me]417-a woman too . ”[417-a woman] [She]417-a woman holds [her]417-a woman hand out to shake [mine]0-i . “ [I]417-a woman ’m [Melissa]87-melissa . ”[417-a woman] “ Hi , [Melissa]87-melissa . [I]417-a woman ’m [Claire]81-claire . ”[417-a woman] “ Nice to meet [you]0-i . ”[417-a woman] The line shuffles forward again , and then [another two staff members]419-another two staff members come to reception , so [we]420-we all veer into different lines . [Nelson]102-nelson comes up behind [me]0-i . “ See [you]0-i later . [We]420-we ’re having dinner in [the restaurant]269-the restaurant [downstairs]3119-downstairs at seven if [you]0-i want to come , [Claire]81-claire . ”[102-nelson] “ Oh . ”[102-nelson] [I]0-i turn to [him]102-nelson , startled . “ Thank [you]102-nelson , but [I]0-i have work to do . [I]0-i ’ll see [you]102-nelson tomorrow ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Yes , for sure . ”[102-nelson] [He]102-nelson smiles . “ Have a good night . ”[102-nelson] [I]0-i turn back to [the concierge]381-the concierge with a smile . [I]0-i feel more comfortable than [I]0-i thought [I]0-i would . [I]0-i think this may actually be okay . [I]0-i sit in [the swanky conference room]422-the swanky conference room with [120 other people]423-120 other people . [The room]370-the room is abuzz with electricity . [They]423-120 other people ’re all chattering and have [their]423-120 other people notepads and other papers with [them]423-120 other people . [Everyone here]425-everyone here is so pumped to try to better [themselves]425-everyone here . [Me]0-i . . . well , [I]0-i ’m just here for the champagne and to have an excuse to take a holiday by [myself]0-i . But anyway , [yay]426-yay for [the pumped ones]427-the pumped ones , [I]0-i guess . [A man]280-a man comes onto the stage , and [everyone]382-everyone claps and cheers . [He]280-a man holds [his]280-a man hands out and smiles broadly . Hmm . . . [I]0-i wonder who [he]280-a man is . [He]280-a man waits for the cheering to die down , and [he]280-a man smiles broadly again . “ Welcome , ”[280-a man] [he]280-a man says . [He]280-a man has a small microphone attached to [his]280-a man shirt . “ Welcome to [Mind Masters]3120-mind masters . [A place where [you]0-i will find a better version of [yourself]0-i]3121-a place where you will find a better version of yourself . ”[280-a man] [His]280-a man voice is loud and echoing , as if [he]280-a man ’s giving a sermon or something . “ Are [you]0-i ready ? ”[280-a man] [he]280-a man cries . [Everyone]382-everyone cheers . Oh God . . . so over the top . [I]0-i clap along with [the room]370-the room as [they]382-everyone all lose [their]382-everyone shit . [They]382-everyone are all standing and laughing as [they]382-everyone clap . [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i look around at [them]382-everyone . . . honestly , calm down , [everyone]382-everyone . This is like a fucking cult . [I]0-i glance down at [my]0-i phone as [I]0-i contemplate filming this shit for [Marley]77-marley . Even [she]77-marley would n’t believe it . “ And now , [I]433-the crowd would like to introduce [[our]3122-our opening speaker]3123-our opening speaker . [Someone that [I]433-the crowd know a lot of [you]3125-you follow on the circuit]3124-someone that i know a lot of you follow on the circuit . [A rock star in the motivational - speaking circuit]3126-a rock star in the motivational - speaking circuit and [the developer of workshops that are changing the lives of [people from all walks of life]3128-people from all walks of life]3127-the developer of workshops that are changing the lives of people from all walks of life . [He]74-tristan ’s here for one day only , so please , without further ado — with [his]74-tristan cutting - edge strategy , How to get what [you]3125-you want — welcome to the stage [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . ”[433-the crowd] The air leaves [my]0-i lungs as [the crowd]433-the crowd goes wild . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan walks out in a navy designer suit and [his]74-tristan just - fucked dark wavy hair . [He]74-tristan smiles broadly , holds [his]74-tristan hands in the air , claps with [the audience]434-the audience , and then takes a bow . [Everyone]382-everyone is going crazy and yelling and clapping . [My]0-i eyes nearly bulge from [their]436-their sockets . . . what the fuck ? [I]0-i begin to hear [my]0-i heartbeat in [my]0-i ears as [everyone else in the room]437-everyone else in the room disappears . [My]0-i fury begins to pump . [I]0-i ca n’t even stand the sight of [him]74-tristan — well , that ’s not completely true . [Damn asshole]438-damn asshole is a double - edged sword : gorgeous to look at , impossible to tolerate . “ Hello , [everyone]382-everyone , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says in the same echoing voice . “ Congratulations . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles as [he]74-tristan waits for silence . Goose bumps scatter across [my]0-i skin at the sound of [his]74-tristan deep voice . [He]74-tristan has a slight twang of an accent , a little upper - crust English mixed in with New Yorker . [He]74-tristan sounds distinguished and intelligent — [I]0-i do n’t know , but whatever it is , it ’s sexy as fuck . Ugh . . . [I]0-i hate everything about [him]74-tristan . “ Welcome , and thank [you]0-i for coming . [You]0-i have taken a very valuable step in [your]0-i personal development . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan looks around [the room]370-the room at [everyone]382-everyone as [he]74-tristan speaks . “ [I]74-tristan , for one . . . ”[74-tristan] [Our]441-our eyes meet , and [he]74-tristan stops speaking as [he]74-tristan stares at [me]0-i and then blinks . Fuck . [He]74-tristan quickly recovers . “ [I]74-tristan , for one , am excited for [you]0-i . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan keeps talking , but [I]0-i ca n’t hear [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i can only hear adrenaline screaming through the rapids that are [my]0-i bloodstream . Last time [we]441-our spoke , [he]74-tristan was intent on stealing [Wade]85-wade ’s company from [[my]0-i sons]442-my sons . [I]0-i ’m not sitting here and listening to [this vile bloodsucker]443-this vile bloodsucker give a motivational speech . [He]74-tristan ruins [family businesses]444-family businesses for fun . How pathetic . Of course [he]74-tristan ’s presenting at a conference called [Mind Masters]104-mind masters . This is right up [[his]74-tristan pretentious alley]445-his pretentious alley . [He]74-tristan thinks [he]74-tristan is [the mind master]446-the mind master . . . what a joke . [I]0-i stand . “ Excuse [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper to [the person next to [me]0-i]447-the person next to me . [I]0-i begin to shuffle past [the people in [my]0-i row]448-the people in my row as [they]448-the people in my row sit in [their]448-the people in my row seats . “ [Claire Anderson]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan calls from [the stage]449-the stage . [My]0-i horrified eyes meet [his]74-tristan . “ Sit back down . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]0-i . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take another step toward the exit . “ [Claire]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan warns . [I]0-i glance around at the 120 pairs of eyes fixed firmly on [me]0-i and then back up at [him]74-tristan . “ [I]0-i said sit . Back . Down . ”[0-i] Chapter 3 Fuck . [I]0-i fake a smile . Who in the hell does [this asshole]450-this asshole think [he]74-tristan is ? “ [I]0-i said sit . Back . Down . ”[0-i] Well , [I]0-i say go fuck [yourself]74-tristan , [[you]74-tristan giant condescending twat]451-you giant condescending twat . [I]0-i raise an eyebrow as [he]74-tristan glares at [me]0-i , and [I]0-i smile sweetly . Then , with deliberation , [I]0-i walk toward the door . [He]74-tristan narrows [his]74-tristan eyes and then recovers and goes back to [his]74-tristan speech . “ As [I]74-tristan was saying , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan continues . [I]0-i go into [the corridor that leads out of [the room]370-the room]452-the corridor that leads out of the room , just out of [his]74-tristan sight , and listen to [his]74-tristan speech . For ten minutes , [I]0-i fume in silence , unable to concentrate on anything [he]74-tristan ’s saying . Just the sight of [this man]284-this man brings out a temper in [me]0-i that [I]0-i never even knew [I]0-i had . [I]0-i peek around the corner and watch [him]74-tristan walk back and forth on the stage . [His]74-tristan voice is deep and commanding . One hand is in the pocket of [his]74-tristan expensive suit trouser pocket ; the other [he]74-tristan moves around in the air with animation as [he]74-tristan talks . [He]74-tristan ’s handsome and has this powerful edge to [his]74-tristan personality . [He]74-tristan ’s comfortable taking center stage ; in fact , [he]74-tristan ’s probably comfortable on [every stage]455-every stage . [The crowd]433-the crowd is silent as [they]433-the crowd all hang on [his]74-tristan every word . [They]433-the crowd take notes and laugh on cue . [The women]457-the women all look up at [him]74-tristan in awe , wanting [him]74-tristan , and [the men]458-the men all want to be [him]74-tristan . [Me]0-i . . . [I]0-i just want to punch [him]74-tristan in [his]74-tristan pretty - boy face . [I]0-i hate that everything comes easy for [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan was born into [this entitled family]459-this entitled family . Wealthy beyond measure and charismatic as all hell . It ’s just not fair that [he]74-tristan is ridiculously handsome to add to the mix . [I]0-i get a vision of [him]74-tristan and [the girls [he]74-tristan must have falling at [his]74-tristan feet]460-the girls he must have falling at his feet . [He]74-tristan must be [a real player]461-a real player — probably has [five girls on the go]462-five girls on the go at a time . [I]0-i go over [our]463-our last conversation that [we]463-our had over the phone . “ [I]74-tristan wanted to see if [you]0-i would like to have dinner with [me]74-tristan on Saturday night , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asked . “ [You]0-i ’re asking [me]74-tristan out on a date ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan do n’t like the way [we]463-our met . [I]74-tristan would like to start again . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]0-i have got to be kidding . [I]464-he would n’t go out with [you]0-i if [you]0-i were [the last man on earth]3069-the last man on earth . Money and looks do n’t impress [me]464-he , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[464-he] “ [Our]463-our meeting was nothing personal , [Claire]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] “ It was very personal to [me]74-tristan . Go and find [a bimbo to wine and dine]3131-a bimbo to wine and dine , [Tristan]74-tristan . [I]74-tristan have no interest in dating [a cold , soul - sucking bastard like [you]464-he]3071-a cold , soul - sucking bastard like you . ”[74-tristan] That was so cool . [I]0-i find [myself]0-i smiling goofily into space . [He]464-he asked [me]0-i out . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan asked [me]0-i out , and [I]0-i know it was just so that [he]464-he could try to schmooze [his]464-he way under [my]0-i radar , but damn it felt good knocking [him]464-he back . “ [Claire Anderson]81-claire . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hear a voice from the stage . Huh ? [I]0-i look up to [the stage]449-the stage in horror . Wait . . . did [he]464-he ask [me]0-i something ? How can [he]464-he see [me]0-i ? [He]464-he ’s moved and is now on [another stage]466-another stage and in [my]0-i line of sight . Shit . [He]464-he holds [his]464-he hand in the air , palm up . “ Please share . ”[464-he] “ [I]0-i beg [your]464-he pardon . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ [I]0-i did n’t hear the question . ”[0-i] A trace of a smile crosses [his]464-he face as [his]464-he eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ [I]464-he asked [everyone]382-everyone to recall a time when [they]382-everyone felt satisfied . A time when [they]382-everyone were really proud of [themselves]382-everyone . ”[464-he] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes widen . “ And , judging by [your]464-he grin , [I]0-i ’m assuming [you]464-he recalled something amazing . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare at [him]464-he . “ Please . ”[464-he] [He]464-he rolls [his]464-he hand out in an overexerted way . “ Let [us]3134-us share in [your]464-he pride . ”[464-he] Asshole . [I]0-i glare at [him]464-he . Is [he]464-he for real ? [He]464-he puts both hands into [his]464-he suit pockets and begins to pace . “ [We]3134-us ’re waiting , [Claire]81-claire , ”[464-he] [he]464-he says in a condescending tone . [I]0-i feel [my]0-i underarms heat with perspiration as [everyone in the room]467-everyone in the room waits for [my]0-i answer . Holy shit , [this man]284-this man is infuriating . “ The last time [I]0-i felt really satisfied was when [I]0-i refused a date with [a cold , soul - sucking bastard]3135-a cold , soul - sucking bastard . Even if [he]3135-a cold , soul - sucking bastard was [the last man on earth]3069-the last man on earth , ”[0-i] [I]0-i announce . [Our]469-our eyes lock , and [he]464-he raises an eyebrow . Game on , [asshole]3045-asshole . . . do n’t fuck with [me]0-i . “ Ah . . . but , [Claire]81-claire , how sad that the best thing [you]81-claire recall about [your]81-claire own life experiences is one that revolved around another . [I]464-he think that says a lot more about [you]81-claire than it does [him]464-he . [I]464-he want a real answer this afternoon . Reflect on it until then . ”[464-he] [He]464-he smiles out at [the audience]434-the audience , completely unfazed . [I]0-i step back , infuriated . What in the actual fuck does [he]464-he think [I]0-i ’m going to learn from reflecting on what kind of person [I]0-i am ? [I]0-i know who [I]0-i am , and [I]0-i ’m completely happy with [her]472-her . [Jerkoff]105-jerkoff . This conference is just so typically [him]464-he . “ And besides . ”[464-he] [He]464-he gives [me]0-i a slow , sexy smile as [he]464-he continues to pace back and forth across [the stage]449-the stage . “ [You]0-i ’ll probably be begging [that soul - sucking bastard]3137-that soul - sucking bastard to ask [you]0-i back out one day . . . not that [he]3137-that soul - sucking bastard ever would . ”[464-he] [The crowd]433-the crowd laughs , and [he]464-he moves on to [[his]464-he next victim]475-his next victim . “ [You]0-i , [the girl with the long blonde hair]3138-the girl with the long blonde hair . What is [your]0-i proudest memory ? And [I]464-he want [you]0-i to really dig deep on the answer . ”[464-he] [I]0-i feel [my]0-i blood pressure rise . Perspiration begins to bead on [my]0-i forehead , and [I]0-i want to march down and kick [Mr. Fancy Pants]79-mr. fancy pants straight up the ass and knock [him]464-he off the stage . Damn [him]464-he . . . can [I]0-i not have one fucking week away from life and forget who [I]0-i am ? Why the hell is [he]464-he here ? Over the next hour , [Tristan Miles]74-tristan holds [the audience]434-the audience captive , and [I]0-i stare into space as [I]0-i imagine [myself]0-i torturing [him]464-he to a grizzly death . [I]0-i should have stayed in [my]0-i seat . Not only do [I]0-i have to listen to [his]464-he crap — [I]0-i now have to stand up for it . [I]0-i ’ll just look stupid if [I]0-i walk out now . Wind it up already . [He]464-he ’s only here today , and then [he]464-he goes back to [New York]5-new york , [I]0-i remind [myself]0-i . [I]0-i ’m so annoyed with [myself]0-i that [I]0-i gave [him]464-he the satisfaction of saying [he]464-he would n’t ask [me]0-i out again anyway . How uncool can [a person]477-a person be ? [God]97-god , [he]477-a person ’s probably happily married by now . . . to [a supermodel]478-a supermodel or [an Instagrammer]479-an instagrammer . Ugh , [I]0-i hate [this guy]3044-this guy . [He]3044-this guy turns [me]0-i into [an idiot]267-an idiot . “ There will be a short recess now . Morning tea is catered in [the lounge]3139-the lounge , and then [we]3140-we will go into [our]3140-we goal workshops . [We]3140-we set [our]3140-we goals on the first day and then again on day five to see how much [you]3141-you ’ve grown . ”[3044-this guy] [He]3044-this guy looks at [his]3044-this guy watch . “ See [you]0-i in [the Boronia Room]3142-the boronia room in half an hour from now . ”[3044-this guy] [I]0-i exhale heavily and make [my]0-i way down to [the lounge]3139-the lounge for morning tea . [Everyone]382-everyone is chatting and happy . [I]0-i make [myself]0-i a coffee , grab a slice of chocolate cake , and then stand in the corner and take out [my]0-i phone . [I]0-i google [massage parlors in [this area]485-this area]484-massage parlors in this area . Screw this ; [I]0-i ’m out of here . [My]0-i only goal for today is to get a massage and drink two liters of champagne . [I]0-i sip [my]0-i coffee and click on the list that comes up . [Tristan]74-tristan walks into [the room]370-the room , and all heads turn . [He]74-tristan has this powerful aura that surrounds [him]74-tristan ; [you]487-you ca n’t help but look [his]74-tristan way . [His]74-tristan dark - brown hair is short on the back and sides , with a bit of length to it on the top . It has that perfect just - fucked look . [His]74-tristan posture is straight , and [his]74-tristan jaw is square and strong . [He]74-tristan has the biggest brown eyes [I]0-i have ever seen . [His]74-tristan eyes find [mine]0-i across [the room]370-the room , and [he]74-tristan holds [me]0-i to attention . [His]74-tristan stare is potent ; [I]0-i can feel the heat of it on [my]0-i skin . Electricity bounces between [us]489-us , and [I]0-i snap [my]0-i eyes away angrily . Damn [him]74-tristan for being good looking . “ Hello . ”[490-the man i met at reception yesterday] A male voice comes from beside [me]0-i . “ Mind if [I]490-the man i met at reception yesterday join [you]0-i ? ”[490-the man i met at reception yesterday] Oh , it ’s [the man [I]0-i met at reception yesterday]490-the man i met at reception yesterday . What was [his]490-the man i met at reception yesterday name again ? “ Not at all . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ Please . ”[0-i] “ [I]490-the man i met at reception yesterday ’m [Nelson]102-nelson . [We]489-us met yesterday . ”[490-the man i met at reception yesterday] “ Yes . [I]0-i remember . Hi , [Nelson]102-nelson . [I]0-i ’m [Claire]81-claire . ”[0-i] “ Yes , of course . [I]74-tristan ’ll say . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan chuckles . “ [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles picked on [you]0-i a bit in there . ”[74-tristan] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i coffee , wishing the earth would swallow [me]0-i up whole . “ Did [he]74-tristan ? [I]0-i did n’t notice . ”[0-i] [I]0-i try to act casual . “ [I]74-tristan mean , [I]74-tristan ’m not one to openly fawn over [someone]3143-someone , but , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan gushes , “ have [you]0-i read [his]74-tristan portfolio ? ”[74-tristan] “ No . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i coffee and glance up , straight into the gaze of [Tristan]74-tristan . [Our]491-our eyes lock for a few seconds , and then [one of [the five women]493-the five women clambering around [him]74-tristan]492-one of the five women clambering around him says something , pulling [his]74-tristan gaze from [me]0-i , and [I]0-i snap [my]0-i eyes away . “ [He]74-tristan ’s got six degrees and speaks five languages , ”[102-nelson] [Nelson]102-nelson continues . “ Has an IQ of one hundred and seventy . That ’s even higher than [a genius]3144-a genius ; that ’s like [a mentalist]3145-a mentalist . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan nods , as if [he]74-tristan is relaying some life - changing information . “ Wow . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i fake a smile . Oh please , give [me]0-i a break . [I]0-i widen [my]0-i eyes . . . big fucking deal . Go away , [Nelson]102-nelson ; [you]102-nelson ’re annoying , and [I]0-i want to google massages . [I]0-i ’ve got better things to do than talk about [mental smart assholes]494-mental smart assholes . Get drunk , for one . “ [I]0-i ’m not actually feeling well , ”[0-i] [I]0-i lie . “ Oh really ? ”[0-i] [Nelson]102-nelson ’s face falls . “ Are [you]102-nelson okay ? ”[102-nelson] “ [I]0-i have a migraine . ”[0-i] “ Oh no . ”[102-nelson] “ Yes , [I]102-nelson always get them when [I]102-nelson fly . It ’s so annoying . [I]102-nelson ’ll be fine , but [I]102-nelson might have to lie down , so if [I]102-nelson go missing this afternoon , [you]102-nelson ’ll know where [I]102-nelson am . [I]102-nelson ’ll be fine tomorrow . ”[102-nelson] “ Of course , yes . ”[102-nelson] [He]102-nelson thinks for a moment . “ [I]102-nelson ’ll let [them]3146-them know . ”[102-nelson] Three hours later , the strong hands go up the center of [my]0-i spine and then slowly slide down around [my]0-i naked hips . [The room]370-the room is darkened , the relaxing music has a deep sensual beat , and the smell of [the masseur]496-the masseur ’s aftershave is doing things to [my]0-i lady parts . [Pierre]106-pierre ’s hands slide up [my]0-i back . [He]106-pierre drizzles hot oil , and it gives [me]0-i a thrill as [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes . Now . . . this . . . is more like it . “ Is this all right ? ”[106-pierre] [he]106-pierre asks in [his]106-pierre strong French accent . “ Perfect , ”[106-pierre] [I]0-i breathe . Oh man , this is more than perfect ; this is spectacular . [I]0-i ’m doing this every day . Screw the conference . [His]106-pierre hands roam down [my]0-i back , and [I]0-i smile into the table . [My]0-i phone rings in [my]0-i bag . It ’s loud and would be annoying to people in [the other rooms]497-the other rooms . “ Oh , sorry . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wince . “ It will stop in a minute . ”[0-i] It rings all the way out and then starts to ring again . Shit . “ Sorry . ”[498-we] [We]498-we wait for it to stop , and it starts again . Damn it , what if something ’s wrong back [home]341-home ? “ [I]106-pierre ’m sorry ; can [you]106-pierre pass [me]106-pierre [my]106-pierre bag , please ? ”[106-pierre] [He]106-pierre picks up [my]0-i bag and passes it to [me]0-i , and [I]0-i dig around for [my]0-i phone . [I]0-i do n’t recognize the number . “ Hello . ”[0-i] [I]0-i lie back down . “ Where are [you]106-pierre ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan barks . “ [You]106-pierre are missing the workshops . ”[74-tristan] Oh shit . “ Umm . . . ”[74-tristan] “ And do n’t even think about lying to [me]106-pierre , [Claire]81-claire . [I]106-pierre know [you]106-pierre ’re not in [[your]106-pierre hotel room]3147-your hotel room . ”[106-pierre] [I]0-i frown at [his]106-pierre tone . Who the fuck does [this guy]3044-this guy think [he]3044-this guy is ? “ Excuse [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ Where are [you]106-pierre ? ”[106-pierre] [he]106-pierre sneers . “ [I]106-pierre ’m getting a massage , actually . ”[106-pierre] “ What ? ”[106-pierre] [he]106-pierre gasps . “ [Your]0-i lecture was intolerable and completely boring . [I]106-pierre have better things to do . Goodbye , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[106-pierre] “ [Claire Anderson]81-claire , ”[106-pierre] [he]106-pierre begins to scold [me]0-i , and [I]0-i press “ End Call . ”[106-pierre] [I]0-i turn [my]0-i phone on silent and throw it onto the chair in the corner . “ Sorry about that . Where were [we]3148-we ? ”[0-i] [Pierre]106-pierre ’s strong hands go down over [my]0-i ribs and then lower to [my]0-i hip bones , and [I]0-i feel a twinge of arousal sweep through [me]0-i . [I]0-i smile with [my]0-i eyes closed . Hmm . . . it really is fun being [a bitch]501-a bitch . [Pierre]106-pierre ’s hands roam over [my]0-i stomach . Now this . . . is relaxing . [Tristan]74-tristan [I]0-i stand near the bar with [my]0-i drink in hand . “ So then [I]0-i got another fifty thousand followers from that boost alone , ”[0-i] [Saba]107-saba says . “ Wow , that ’s fantastic , ”[107-saba] [Melanie]108-melanie replies . [I]0-i ’m standing with [four beautiful women]502-four beautiful women , but [I]0-i ’m bored as hell . [I]0-i fly out first thing in the morning . [My]0-i eyes scan [the room]370-the room . Where is [she]107-saba ? “ So , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles , are [you]82-mr. miles married ? ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes snap back to [the blonde in front of [me]0-i]504-the blonde in front of me . “ Please , call [me]0-i [Tristan]74-tristan . And no , not married . ”[0-i] “ [A girlfriend]3149-a girlfriend , perhaps ? ”[107-saba] [Saba]107-saba asks . “ No . ”[107-saba] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i drink . “ Very single . ”[107-saba] “ Really ? ”[107-saba] [Saba]107-saba says in a sexy voice . “ [Me]107-saba too . Talk about great timing . ”[107-saba] [I]0-i fake a smile . “ It ’s always a great time to be single , is n’t it ? ”[0-i] [The girls]400-the girls all laugh on cue , and [I]0-i look around [the room]370-the room . If [she]107-saba does n’t come tonight , [I]0-i ’m going to be pissed . “ [I]108-melanie just broke off [my]108-melanie engagement , ”[108-melanie] [Melanie]108-melanie replies . [I]0-i look [her]108-melanie over . [She]108-melanie ’s blonde and beautiful — [my]0-i usual type — and [I]0-i make [myself]0-i nod as [I]0-i act interested . “ [I]108-melanie just really want to focus on [my]108-melanie goals right now , and [[my]108-melanie ex]3150-my ex just was n’t moving in the right circles — [you]0-i know what [I]108-melanie mean ? [He]3150-my ex wanted [a house in [the suburbs]3152-the suburbs with [three kids]3153-three kids]3151-a house in the suburbs with three kids , and [I]108-melanie want more from life than that , ”[108-melanie] [she]108-melanie continues . “ [I]108-melanie want [a global empire]3154-a global empire . ”[108-melanie] “ Oh , totally , ”[400-the girls] [the girls]400-the girls all agree . “ [I]508-one of the other girls had that too with [[my]508-one of the other girls ex]3150-my ex . Why do n’t [they]400-the girls get it ? ”[508-one of the other girls] [one of [the other girls]509-the other girls]508-one of the other girls says . Oh fuck . . . get [me]0-i out of here . [I]0-i wave at [a colleague]510-a colleague . “ [I]0-i ’m going to see [[my]0-i friend]3156-my friend . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn to walk off . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [Saba]107-saba calls . [I]0-i turn back to [her]107-saba . “ Maybe [we]3157-we could do some revision of the notes [I]0-i took today . ”[0-i] [She]107-saba smiles sexily . “ Later , in [[my]107-saba room]3158-my room . ”[107-saba] “ Ahh . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look between [the women]457-the women . “ [I]107-saba mean . . . ”[107-saba] [She]107-saba shrugs . “ [We]3157-we could all go over [our]3157-we notes together . ”[107-saba] [She]107-saba pulls [her]107-saba fingers through [her]107-saba hair . “ [The four of [us]3157-we girls]3159-the four of us girls and [you]0-i . Like a group thing . ”[107-saba] [The girls]400-the girls all smile sexily . “ Could make for a great night , ”[108-melanie] [Melanie]108-melanie whispers . “ [I]108-melanie have no doubt . ”[108-melanie] [I]0-i smirk as [I]0-i look among [them]400-the girls . “ Let ’s see how the night goes , shall [we]3157-we ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn and walk over to one of [the other lecturers]513-the other lecturers as [I]0-i hear [them]400-the girls giggle behind [me]0-i . “ Hey , ”[400-the girls] [Elouise]109-elouise says . “ Hi . ”[109-elouise] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i drink . “ Let [me]109-elouise guess ; [they]400-the girls ’re all throwing [themselves]400-the girls at [you]0-i ? ”[109-elouise] “ No . ”[0-i] [I]0-i keep a straight face . “ What makes [you]109-elouise say that ? ”[0-i] “ Because [I]109-elouise ’ve never seen [a man]280-a man so hit on in [my]109-elouise life . ”[109-elouise] [She]109-elouise grins wryly . “ [The women [you]0-i attract]3161-the women you attract are shameless . ”[109-elouise] [I]0-i chuckle into [my]0-i drink . [Elouise]109-elouise is [a psychologist , perhaps fifty to fifty - five years old]514-a psychologist , perhaps fifty to fifty - five years old . [She]109-elouise ’s at a lot of conferences [I]0-i go to , as [she]109-elouise does the personality - trait testing . [She]109-elouise sees a lot on the circuit . “ Trust [me]109-elouise , [Elouise]109-elouise ; it gets very boring after a while . ”[109-elouise] [I]0-i glance around again and see [Claire]81-claire in the corner , talking with [a group of men]515-a group of men . [She]81-claire ’s here . [I]0-i watch [her]81-claire as [she]81-claire talks . [Her]81-claire shoulder - length dark hair is full , and [she]81-claire ’s wearing a black dress . It ’s not showy or sexy . [She]81-claire ’s understated . Sensible and undeniably alluring . So very different from [the women [I]0-i ’m used to]516-the women i ’m used to . [My]0-i eyes roam up and down [her]81-claire body . [She]81-claire ’s older than [me]0-i , but [I]0-i ’m not sure by how much . Maybe a couple of years ? [Elouise]109-elouise and [I]0-i continue to talk , but [my]0-i eyes stay fixed on [Claire Anderson]81-claire across [the room]370-the room . [She]81-claire ’s talking and laughing with [a man]280-a man . Who is [he]280-a man ? Hmm . . . [I]0-i ’m going to go and talk to [her]81-claire . “ Back in a moment , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i head off in [her]81-claire direction . Just as [I]0-i approach [her]81-claire , [someone]3143-someone calls [me]0-i . “ [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[3143-someone] [I]0-i turn and see [an attractive blonde]520-an attractive blonde . [She]520-an attractive blonde already hit on [me]0-i at lunch . “ Oh , hello , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply , feeling uncomfortable being in earshot of [Claire]81-claire . “ [Melissa]87-melissa , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire says . “ [We]3162-we met at lunch . ”[81-claire] “ Yes , [I]0-i remember , [Melissa]87-melissa . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . [The man who was standing with [Claire]81-claire]521-the man who was standing with claire walks to the bar , and [she]81-claire glances up , clearly hearing [the woman]522-the woman and [me]0-i . “ What are [you]0-i doing later ? ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire asks . “ Can [we]3162-we meet up for a drink ? ”[81-claire] [Claire]81-claire rolls [her]81-claire eyes and turns [her]81-claire back to [us]523-us . [Fuck]110-fuck . . . “ No , [I]110-fuck do n’t mix business and pleasure . ”[110-fuck] [I]0-i fake a smile and keep walking to [Claire]81-claire . “ Hello . ”[0-i] [She]81-claire looks up at [me]0-i deadpan , having heard what was just said . “ Hi . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire sips [her]81-claire drink , unimpressed , and turns [her]81-claire gaze straight ahead . “ How was [your]81-claire massage ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Great . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire sips [her]81-claire drink . [God]97-god . . . [she]81-claire ’s so rude . “ Are [you]81-claire going to look at [me]0-i while [I]0-i speak to [you]81-claire ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [Her]81-claire eyes rise to meet [mine]0-i , and [my]0-i stomach unexpectedly flutters . “ What do [you]81-claire want , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles ? ”[81-claire] [I]0-i stare at [her]81-claire , confused as to what [my]0-i stomach is doing . “ [Tristan]74-tristan . Call [me]0-i [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] “ No , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire replies flatly . “ Calling [you]0-i [Tristan]74-tristan would mean that [I]81-claire want to be on a first - name basis with [you]0-i . ”[81-claire] [Her]81-claire tongue swipes over [her]81-claire bottom lip , and [I]0-i feel it in [my]0-i crotch . “ And [I]81-claire do n’t . ”[81-claire] “ [Claire]81-claire . ”[81-claire] “ Call [me]81-claire [Mrs. Anderson]81-claire . ”[81-claire] “ Why are [you]0-i being so rude ? ”[81-claire] “ [I]81-claire ’m not being rude ; [I]81-claire ’m being honest . Would [you]0-i prefer that [I]81-claire lie ? ”[81-claire] Well . . . blow [me]0-i down . “ Maybe , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ It ’s so lovely to see [you]0-i , [Tris]74-tristan . Let ’s hang out and sing ‘ [Kumbaya]111-kumbaya ’ around a campfire . [I]81-claire ’ve missed [your]0-i good looks and witty charm , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire replies without missing a beat . [She]81-claire smiles sweetly and bats [her]81-claire eyelashes for effect . [I]0-i smirk and clink [my]0-i glass with [hers]81-claire . “ Cheers . That ’s more like it . Glad [you]0-i ’re getting into the spirit . ”[0-i] [She]81-claire moves [her]81-claire chin in a come - here gesture , and [I]0-i lean in , waiting for what [she]81-claire has to tell [me]0-i . “ Go away , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire whispers . [I]0-i chuckle , excited for the first time in a very long time . “ No . ”[0-i] [Her]81-claire gaze goes in front of [her]81-claire again . “ [I]81-claire see [you]0-i ’re still as annoying as ever . ”[81-claire] “ And [I]81-claire see [you]0-i ’re still taking those bitch pills . ”[81-claire] “ Ah , yes . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire sighs . “ Let ’s blame [my]81-claire distaste for [you]0-i on meds , shall [we]3163-we ? There could n’t possibly be another reason why [you]0-i repulse [me]81-claire , could there now ? ”[81-claire] [My]0-i eyebrows rise in surprise . [Women]410-women just do n’t speak to [me]0-i like this . “ Repulse is a rather strong word , is n’t it ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i join [her]81-claire in staring straight ahead . “ [I]0-i think the word [you]0-i meant to use is fascinate . ”[0-i] [Her]81-claire mouth curls up at the corners , and [I]0-i know [she]81-claire ’s struggling not to smile . “ Go away , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire repeats . “ Do [I]81-claire fascinate [you]0-i , [Claire]81-claire ? ”[81-claire] “ Call [me]81-claire [Mrs. Anderson]81-claire , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire whispers . “ And [you]0-i do n’t have what it takes to fascinate [me]81-claire . ”[81-claire] [Our]525-our eyes lock , and for the second time tonight [my]0-i stomach flutters . [She]81-claire has this aura surrounding [her]81-claire , elusive and enticing . [Controlling]112-controlling . [I]0-i bet [she]81-claire ’d be fucking wild in bed . [I]0-i get a vision of [us]525-our together , naked , and [I]0-i feel the throb of arousal between [my]0-i legs . [I]0-i purse [my]0-i lips to hide [my]0-i delight . “ Goodbye . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire walks off through [the crowd]433-the crowd , and [I]0-i stare after [her]81-claire . All right . . . [I]0-i ’ll admit it . [That woman]527-that woman is insanely fucking hot . [I]0-i watch [her]81-claire walk across [the room]370-the room as [I]0-i troll [my]0-i mind for a plan . This is possibly [the only place [I]0-i am going to see [her]81-claire]529-the only place i am going to see her . Hmm . . . what to do . [I]0-i take out [my]0-i phone and call [[my]0-i brother]530-my brother . [He]530-my brother answers after the first ring . “ Hello , [Tris]74-tristan . ”[530-my brother] “ [Jameson]113-jameson , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i watch [her]81-claire strike up a conversation with [another man]531-another man . “ Change of plans . ”[81-claire] “ How so ? ”[530-my brother] “ [I]530-my brother was only going to stay at the conference for the opening day . ”[530-my brother] “ Yes . ”[81-claire] “ [I]0-i ’ve decided that [I]0-i ’m staying on for the week . There is an . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause as [I]0-i search for the right wording . “ Opportunity . . . that [I]0-i would like to investigate further . ”[0-i] “ Okay , when will [you]0-i be back ? ”[81-claire] “ Monday , next week . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , of course . Listen , [I]81-claire ’m in a meeting . [I]81-claire ’ll call [you]0-i later . ”[81-claire] “ Okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hang up and put [my]0-i phone back into [my]0-i pocket , and [my]0-i eyes rise to watch [Claire Anderson]81-claire across [the room]370-the room once more . This conference just got interesting . [Claire]81-claire “ [I]102-nelson ’m just going to get a drink , ”[102-nelson] [Nelson]102-nelson says . “ Do [you]0-i want another ? ”[102-nelson] “ Okay , thank [you]0-i . ”[81-claire] “ [I]102-nelson ’ll be back shortly , ”[102-nelson] [he]102-nelson replies , and [I]0-i watch [him]102-nelson as [he]102-nelson walks over to [the bar]533-the bar . [He]102-nelson ’s [a nice guy]534-a nice guy . [I]0-i ’m surprised — this has actually been a great night . [We]535-we had dinner , and then there was dancing . [I]0-i ’ve been chatting with [everyone]382-everyone , being sociable . [Marley]77-marley would be so proud of [me]0-i . “ Ahh , alone at last . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i hear a voice . [I]0-i glance over to see [Tristan Miles]74-tristan standing beside [me]0-i . Great . [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Where did [[your]0-i disciple]3164-your disciple go ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks as [he]74-tristan sips [his]74-tristan drink . “ Who ’s that ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i frown . “ The boring Goody Two - shoes . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i bite the inside of [my]0-i cheek so that [I]0-i do n’t smile . [He]74-tristan hit the nail on the head . “ [I]74-tristan do n’t know who [you]74-tristan ’re talking about . ”[74-tristan] “ [Nelson Mandela]114-nelson or whatever [his]114-nelson name is . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan waves [his]74-tristan glass in the air toward [Nelson]114-nelson . Unable to help it , [I]0-i smile . “ [I]0-i have no idea what [his]114-nelson surname is , but [I]0-i ’m pretty sure it ’s not [Mandela]114-nelson , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[0-i] “ [I]74-tristan told [you]74-tristan to call [me]74-tristan [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ And [I]0-i told [you]74-tristan to go away . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i know . . . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pauses , as if getting the wording right . “ If [I]74-tristan was n’t at a work conference and being professional , [I]74-tristan ’d have a lot to ask [you]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ Such as ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i question . “ [I]74-tristan ’m working , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says as [he]74-tristan straightens [his]74-tristan tie . Eager to know what [he]74-tristan wants to say , [I]0-i reply , “ Consider [yourself]74-tristan off the clock . Anything [you]74-tristan say to [me]0-i will be considered a private matter . ”[0-i] “ Why do [you]74-tristan hate [me]74-tristan so much ? ”[74-tristan] “ Well , there ’s a lot to dislike . ”[0-i] “ Such as ? ”[0-i] “ [You]74-tristan want [my]74-tristan company , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[74-tristan] “ No . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sips [his]74-tristan drink . [His]74-tristan tone makes [me]0-i think [he]74-tristan ’s annoyed . “ [I]74-tristan made an honest offer for [your]74-tristan company , and [you]74-tristan rejected it . End of story . [I]74-tristan have n’t approached [you]74-tristan since , and [I]74-tristan have respected [your]74-tristan wishes . ”[74-tristan] [Our]537-our eyes are locked . [I]0-i can feel the energy , and it bounces between [us]537-our . It ’s almost as if [our]537-our bodies are speaking to each other without words . [I]0-i can pretend not to notice it all [I]0-i want , but the truth is [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is a sensory overload . Feeling foolish for [my]0-i over - the - top hatred , [I]0-i reply , “ If [you]74-tristan must know , [I]0-i find [you]74-tristan rather annoying . ”[0-i] [His]74-tristan mouth falls open as [he]74-tristan fakes shock . “ Are [you]74-tristan always so coldhearted , [Claire]81-claire ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ [I]0-i think [we]537-our both know who is coldhearted out of [the two of [us]537-our]3165-the two of us . ”[0-i] [His]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i , and then [he]74-tristan raises [his]74-tristan eyebrow . “ What about [your]74-tristan blood ? ”[74-tristan] “ What about [my]74-tristan blood ? ”[74-tristan] “ Does [your]74-tristan blood run hot ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan ’s so naughty . Hmm . . . [I]0-i hate to admit it , but there is definitely something about [this guy]3044-this guy . [I]0-i smile broadly at [his]74-tristan audacity . “ [I]0-i do n’t think [you]74-tristan need to know about the temperature of [my]0-i blood . ”[0-i] “ Oh , but [a man]280-a man does wonder . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sips [his]74-tristan drink with [his]74-tristan eyes locked on [mine]0-i . The air swirls between [us]539-us . “ Perhaps [we]539-us should talk about it . . . outside . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a slow , sexy smile and then raises [his]74-tristan eyebrow . “ Off the clock , of course . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan want to go outside and talk about the temperature of [my]74-tristan blood , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles ? ”[74-tristan] “ Yes , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers as [his]74-tristan eyes drop to [my]0-i lips . [I]0-i lean in . “ [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Yes . ”[0-i] “ [I]74-tristan ’m not attracted to [you]0-i , on or off the clock . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan lips to [my]0-i ear . “ Liar . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan breath tickles [my]0-i skin and sends goose bumps scattering down [my]0-i arms . “ Will [you]74-tristan stop it ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i look around , uncomfortable with [my]0-i body ’s reaction to [him]74-tristan . [Traitor]115-traitor . [His]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ Call [me]74-tristan [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ No . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i drink . [God]97-god , [I]0-i wish [I]0-i could tip [my]0-i head back and drain the glass . “ [Claire]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan leans in to whisper in [my]0-i ear again . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] “ Do n’t be scared of calling [me]0-i [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Because one day very soon , [I]0-i predict that [you]74-tristan ’re going to be moaning it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk . “ Are [you]74-tristan always this delusional ? ”[0-i] “ Just saying . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan gives a casual shrug and then turns and walks off , and [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan walk through [the crowd]433-the crowd . [Nelson]114-nelson appears . “ Here ’s [your]0-i drink . ”[114-nelson] “ Thanks . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take it from [him]114-nelson and look across [the room]370-the room to see [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles arrive at [a group of women]542-a group of women . [They]542-a group of women all gush and smile , and then [he]74-tristan turns toward [me]0-i . [His]74-tristan dark eyes meet [mine]0-i , and [he]74-tristan gives [me]0-i another slow , sexy smile before holding [his]74-tristan glass in the air toward [me]0-i , as if to signify the opening of the Olympic Games . [I]0-i swallow the lump in [my]0-i throat . Jesus , what the fuck does that mean ? Chapter 4 It ’s late , just past two o’clock in the morning , and [I]0-i do n’t know how the hell [I]0-i ’m still [here]3039-here . The night has flown . It feels good not having to rush [home]341-home to homework and dinner and responsibilities . [I]0-i think [all 120 people from the conference]545-all 120 people from the conference are still [here]3039-here . The mood is light and jovial . [I]0-i ’m standing at the back of [the room]370-the room near [the bar]533-the bar . There are ten of [us]549-we standing in [a group]550-a group . [They]551-they ’re telling stories , and [we]549-we ’re laughing and having fun , and every now and then [I]0-i look across [the room]370-the room and into the stare of [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan ’s watching [me]0-i . . . [he]74-tristan ’s been watching [me]0-i all night . The heat of [his]74-tristan gaze on [my]0-i skin is warm like the sun . It makes [me]0-i wonder if [he]74-tristan ’s this intense in bed . Because right now , [he]74-tristan ’s not just undressing [me]0-i with [his]74-tristan eyes ; [he]74-tristan ’s fucking [me]0-i with them . Arousal heats [my]0-i blood , and [I]0-i find [myself]0-i imagining what [we]549-we ’d be like together naked . Like a well - oiled machine , [he]74-tristan ’s working [the room]370-the room . [Everyone]382-everyone wants to talk to [him]74-tristan ; [everyone]382-everyone wants to be near [him]74-tristan . And [I]0-i ’m pretty damn sure that [every woman here]556-every woman here is fantasizing about taking [him]74-tristan [home]341-home . [I]0-i know [I]0-i am . [I]0-i never would , of course . God no . But [his]74-tristan unapologetic flirty way is definitely appealing . . . even to those who are n’t interested . [I]0-i let [my]0-i mind wander for a moment . What would it be like to have wild and carefree sex with [a man like [him]74-tristan]558-a man like him ? To know that there is absolutely no chance of a tomorrow ? To live completely in the moment . [I]0-i stare down at [my]0-i straw as [I]0-i circle it in [my]0-i drink . [My]0-i mind begins to tick as it tries to reconcile [my]0-i thoughts . It ’s been a long time since [I]0-i had a thought like that . Sex has n’t crossed [my]0-i mind since [Wade]85-wade died . Five years next month . [I]0-i was thirty - three when [I]0-i lost [[my]0-i husband]3060-my husband , just coming into [my]0-i sexual prime . [I]0-i lost a lot that day — and not just [him]74-tristan . . . a major part of who [I]0-i was . [Wade]85-wade and [I]0-i met in college . [We]560-we dated for two years , and then the unthinkable happened . [I]0-i became pregnant on the pill at the tender age of twenty . [Wade]85-wade was ecstatic . [I]0-i mean , [he]85-wade never had any doubts that [we]560-we were going to be together . [He]85-wade told [me]0-i on [our]560-we fourth date that [he]85-wade was going to marry [me]0-i . [He]85-wade was three years older than [me]0-i and thought [he]85-wade knew everything . [I]0-i smile wistfully — looking back , [I]0-i see that [he]85-wade did . [I]0-i get a flashback of [us]560-we kissing and laughing . . . rolling around in bed , making love . And [my]0-i heart hurts . [I]0-i do n’t just miss [him]85-wade . . . [I]0-i miss everything that [we]560-we did together . The way [he]85-wade made [me]0-i feel like [a woman]417-a woman every time [he]85-wade looked at [me]0-i . Arousal . The rush of an orgasm . [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes in disgust . Oh God . . . Here [we]560-we go . [I]0-i need to stop drinking . [I]0-i remember now — [I]0-i remember why [I]0-i do n’t drink . It makes [me]0-i sad , like a big dark blanket that comes to rest over [my]0-i shoulders . One that ’s heavy and laden with responsibilities . [I]0-i put [my]0-i drink down on the bar . “ [I]0-i ’m going to get going , ”[0-i] [I]0-i announce as [I]0-i wave . “ See [you]562-three women all tomorrow . ”[0-i] [I]0-i head over toward the exit and catch sight of [Tristan]74-tristan talking to [three women]562-three women — [the same three women who have been hanging off [him]74-tristan all night]563-the same three women who have been hanging off him all night . [He]74-tristan sees [me]0-i coming and pushes [himself]74-tristan off the wall . “ [Claire]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan calls as [he]74-tristan steps into [my]0-i path . [I]0-i ca n’t be rude in front of [the girls]400-the girls . “ Hi . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile over [his]74-tristan shoulder to [[his]74-tristan groupies]565-his groupies as [they]565-his groupies look on . “ Are [you]81-claire ready ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks . [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan , confused . “ Huh ? ”[0-i] “ [You]81-claire know . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan widens [his]74-tristan eyes . “ To study . ”[74-tristan] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . [He]74-tristan must be trying to get rid of [these women]566-these women . “ Yes , of course . ”[74-tristan] “ Lead the way . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan gestures to the door . Oh jeez . [I]0-i take off toward the door . “ But — ”[567-one of the girls] [one of [the girls]400-the girls]567-one of the girls says from behind [us]569-we . “ Sorry , [girls]3167-girls , rain check , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan calls as [he]74-tristan runs to catch up with [me]0-i . [We]569-we walk out into [the foyer]276-the foyer and over to [the elevator]571-the elevator . “ Thanks . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sighs . [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ [I]0-i ’m not [[your]74-tristan scapegoat]3168-your scapegoat , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[0-i] “ [I]74-tristan know . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan links [his]74-tristan arm through [mine]0-i . “ [We]569-we really are going to study ; did n’t [I]74-tristan tell [you]0-i ? ”[74-tristan] “ Does this over - the - top - flirty thing often work ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as the elevator doors open , and [we]569-we hop in . [He]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a cheeky grin as the door closes behind [us]569-we . “ Always . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head as [I]0-i smile at the ground ; [his]74-tristan heavenly aftershave wafts around [me]0-i . “ Are [we]569-we drinking coffee or champagne ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks playfully . “ [I]74-tristan ’m going to have a cup of tea . ”[74-tristan] “ Tea ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan scrunches up [his]74-tristan nose in disgust . “ Like English granny tea . ”[74-tristan] “ Yes . Like English granny tea . ”[74-tristan] “ Oh . ”[74-tristan] The doors open , and [I]0-i step out of [the elevator]571-the elevator . So does [he]74-tristan . [We]569-we walk down [the corridor]573-the corridor . Where is [[his]74-tristan room]359-his room ? [He]74-tristan does n’t really think [he]74-tristan ’s coming with [me]0-i . . . does [he]74-tristan ? “ [I]74-tristan suppose [I]74-tristan can try it , just this once , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan replies . “ Try what ? ”[74-tristan] “ Tea . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan are not coming with [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i scoff . [His]74-tristan face falls . “ Why not ? ”[74-tristan] “ Because [I]0-i ’m not like that , because [I]0-i ’m too old for [you]0-i , and because , well . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause as [I]0-i think of the right wording . “ [I]0-i vowed to hate [you]74-tristan for all of eternity . ”[0-i] [We]575-we get to [my]0-i door , and [I]0-i turn to [him]74-tristan . “ This is [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan hands into [his]74-tristan trouser pockets . “ Come on , [Claire]81-claire ; it ’s tea . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan mischievous eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ It ’s not like [I]74-tristan ’m going to fuck [you]81-claire into next week or anything . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan , shocked that [he]74-tristan ’s just said that out loud . [I]0-i ’m not used to [men]409-men talking to [me]0-i like this . [His]74-tristan crude words penetrate into the dark corner of [my]0-i sexuality . [I]0-i feel something dormant wake up deep inside . Five years is a long time . The air crackles between [us]577-us . “ It ’s not like [I]74-tristan ’m going to make [you]81-claire come so fucking hard or anything . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a slow , sexy smile . “ It ’s not like it would be the best sex of [your]81-claire life or anything . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i have no words . . . [he]74-tristan ’s stolen them . “ Admit it , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says softly as [his]74-tristan gaze drops to [my]0-i lips . “ [You]0-i have n’t wondered what [I]74-tristan ’d be like in bed ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ No , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i lie . It ’s the only thing [I]0-i can think about . “ Not once . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i have n’t wondered how big [my]74-tristan dick is ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan breathes as [he]74-tristan tucks a piece of [my]0-i hair behind [my]0-i ear and steps toward [me]0-i . Jesus , [he]74-tristan ’s hung . Only [a big man]578-a big man would bring attention to the size of [his]74-tristan dick . Not helping . [I]0-i swallow the lump in [my]0-i throat as [I]0-i get a vision of [him]74-tristan naked . “ No . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan leans in and puts [his]74-tristan mouth to [my]0-i ear . “ Confession . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes . Oh man , this is a bad . . . situation . With [a bad man]579-a bad man . [My]0-i heart begins to beat deep and slow , in time with [his]74-tristan , as [I]0-i imagine doing bad things to [him]74-tristan . “ [You]0-i ’ve been on [my]74-tristan mind . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan deep , hushed voice on [my]0-i neck begins to send shock waves through [my]0-i system . “ Why ’s that ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper , but [I]0-i do n’t know why [I]0-i ’m asking — [I]0-i already know the answer . [He]74-tristan presses [his]74-tristan hips forward and pins [me]0-i to the wall . [He]74-tristan ’s hard and ready . [My]0-i insides begin to melt . Oh fuck . . . [he]74-tristan feels good . “ Through three lectures and one workshop , all [I]74-tristan ’ve done is imagined [you]0-i riding [my]74-tristan cock , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers darkly . [I]0-i instantly get a vision of [me]0-i on top of [him]74-tristan , naked , [our]580-our bodies wet with perspiration . [His]74-tristan erection big and deep . “ God . . . , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan breathes as [he]74-tristan takes a handful of [my]0-i hair and grips it hard . “ [We]580-our ’d be so fucking hot together , [Anderson]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] The elevator door pings , and [Nelson]114-nelson walks out . [My]0-i temporary brain snap dissipates , and [I]0-i push back from [Tristan]74-tristan . “ Stop it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [Nelson]114-nelson looks between [us]580-our from the other end of [the corridor]573-the corridor and frowns . “ Hello . ”[114-nelson] [Tristan]74-tristan rolls [his]74-tristan eyes and runs [his]74-tristan hand through [his]74-tristan hair in frustration . “ Hi , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mutters dryly . [I]0-i turn the key and open [my]0-i door in a rush , taking the momentary distraction as [a godsend]582-a godsend . “ Good night , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[0-i] “ [Anderson]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [I]0-i close the door in [his]74-tristan face and click the lock . [I]0-i fall against the back of it and close [my]0-i eyes . [I]0-i ’m panting , and [my]0-i body is still reeling from the feeling of [him]74-tristan so close . [My]0-i phone beeps with a text . Come on ? [I]0-i ’m leaving tomorrow . [His]74-tristan words repeat in [my]0-i mind . “ [We]3169-we ’d be so fucking hot together . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i put the chain on , and [I]0-i peek through the peephole to see [him]74-tristan roll [his]74-tristan eyes and shake [his]74-tristan head . [He]74-tristan ’s pissed off . [He]74-tristan knew [he]74-tristan nearly had [me]0-i . Oh crap . . . that was close . Another text beeps through . [Claire]81-claire , come on . [You]81-claire ’re killing [me]0-i here . There are no prizes for being [a good girl]583-a good girl . [You]81-claire only live once . “ Fucking hell , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter . [I]0-i turn [my]0-i phone on silent , put it on the charger , and storm into [the bathroom]584-the bathroom , and then [I]0-i lock that door too . [I]0-i need to get some distance between [me]0-i and [him]74-tristan . [God]97-god , wake up , [Claire]81-claire . The very last thing [I]0-i ’m about to do is have sex with [that soul - sucking bastard]3137-that soul - sucking bastard . And besides , [I]0-i would n’t even know what to do with [him]3137-that soul - sucking bastard . [I]0-i ’m positive the kind of sex that [I]0-i ’ve had would n’t be the same type of sex that [he]3137-that soul - sucking bastard has . [I]0-i ’m into tender loving care , and [he]3137-that soul - sucking bastard ’s probably [a world - renowned anal master]586-a world - renowned anal master . [I]0-i shiver at the thought of appearing vulnerable and sexually inexperienced to [him]3137-that soul - sucking bastard . [I]0-i imagine [him]3137-that soul - sucking bastard guiding [me]0-i as to how [he]3137-that soul - sucking bastard likes it , and [my]0-i blood boils . No way in hell am [I]0-i giving [him]3137-that soul - sucking bastard one inch of power over [me]0-i . “ That ’s it . No more , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper angrily . “ Cold shower . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn the water on with force . “ [That man]3170-that man is [the devil]3171-the devil . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sit and stare into space in the truth circle . One by one [we]587-we are being asked a question about [ourselves]587-we that only [we]587-we would know . Something that apparently burns a hole in [our]587-we existence . “ Tell [me]109-elouise , [Ariana]116-ariana , what is the one thing that makes [you]116-ariana angry ? ”[109-elouise] [Elouise]109-elouise asks . [Ariana]116-ariana frowns as [she]116-ariana contemplates [her]116-ariana answer , and [we]587-we sit in silence as [we]587-we wait . All of [our]587-we questions are different , based on [our]587-we psychological testing . [Elouise]109-elouise , [the psychologist who is running this part of [the workshop]589-the workshop]588-the psychologist who is running this part of the workshop , has tailored the session to what [we]587-we did yesterday morning . [We]587-we ’ve broken up into [small groups of fifteen]590-small groups of fifteen and are sitting and listening to [everyone in [our]587-we group]591-everyone in our group . Once again , [I]0-i zone out into space . [I]0-i ’m flat today . Down on [myself]0-i , for many reasons . [I]0-i hate that [I]0-i ’m physically attracted to someone [I]0-i do n’t like . [I]0-i hate that [I]0-i let [him]592-him get under [my]0-i skin . [I]0-i hate that [I]0-i wanted [him]592-him , and , most of all , [I]0-i hate that the opportunity to have a wild and carefree night with [him]592-him is gone . [He]592-him ’s gone back to [New York]5-new york now . [Tristan fucking Miles]74-tristan . The reason [I]0-i have n’t slept , the reason [I]0-i had to get [myself]0-i off while watching [YouPorn]117-youporn last night . And the reason [I]0-i feel so fucking sexless today that [I]0-i just want to cry . It was nice being hit on . . . being made to feel desirable . To feel like [a woman]417-a woman again . And it ’s not [him]592-him ; it ’s not about [him]592-him . It ’s what [he]592-him represents . A carefree time in [my]0-i life that ’s gone . [I]0-i ’ve been thinking about it . . . long and hard — all night , actually . And if there was ever [a man whom [I]0-i should have slept with as a get - back - into - the - dating - game kind of thing]594-a man whom i should have slept with as a get - back - into - the - dating - game kind of thing , it should have been [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . [He]592-him is uncomplicated and unavailable , [the kind of man [you]596-you have thoughtless sex with]595-the kind of man you have thoughtless sex with . [I]0-i was physically attracted to [him]592-him , and yet there was absolutely no chance that [I]0-i could have developed feelings for [him]592-him . [He]592-him ’s not [the kind of man [I]0-i could ever fall in love with]597-the kind of man i could ever fall in love with . It was the perfect opportunity . . . and [I]0-i let it go . Fucking great . “ [Claire]81-claire ? ”[109-elouise] a voice asks . [I]0-i look up , dazed . “ [I]0-i beg [your]109-elouise pardon ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Let ’s talk about the hardest thing in [your]0-i life , ”[109-elouise] [Elouise]109-elouise says . [I]0-i frown . “ What is the hardest thing that [you]109-elouise have had to do ? ”[109-elouise] [I]0-i stare at [her]109-elouise for a moment . “ Little League . ”[0-i] [Elouise]109-elouise ’s face falls , and [everyone]382-everyone listens intently . “ Explain that to [me]109-elouise . ”[109-elouise] “ Um . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take a nervous , deep breath . “ [[My]0-i husband]3060-my husband . . . um . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause midsentence . “ Start at the beginning . ”[0-i] [Elouise]109-elouise smiles . “ Five years ago , [[my]109-elouise husband]3060-my husband was riding [a bike]3174-a bike early one morning . ”[109-elouise] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i remember [Wade]85-wade in [his]85-wade full riding kit . “ [He]3060-my husband was training for a triathlon . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause . “ Go on . ”[0-i] “ [He]3060-my husband was . . . hit by [a drunk driver at five fifty - two a.m. ”]3175-a drunk driver at five fifty - two a.m. ”[382-everyone] [Everyone]382-everyone watches [me]0-i . “ [He]3060-my husband died at the scene . [He]3060-my husband was thirty - six . ”[0-i] [I]0-i twist [my]0-i fingers together on [my]0-i lap . “ And [I]0-i thought that was going to be [my]0-i worst day . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i try to make sense of what [I]0-i ’m about to say . “ But [I]0-i was wrong . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stay silent for a moment . After a while , [she]600-she prompts [me]0-i , “ Go on , [Claire]81-claire . ”[600-she] “ Watching [[my]600-she three sons]3176-my three sons grow up without [a father]3177-a father , day in and day out , is far worse . ”[600-she] [My]0-i eyes fill with tears . “ Every Saturday , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper , hardly able to push the words past [my]0-i lips . “ Every Saturday . . . [we]3178-we go to [their]3176-my three sons games . And when [they]3176-my three sons do something good , [they]3176-my three sons look up into the stands to see [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare straight ahead as [I]0-i pause . “ Take [your]600-she time , [dear]3179-dear . ”[0-i] “ [They]3176-my three sons ’re so proud , and then [I]109-elouise watch [their]3176-my three sons little faces fall when [they]3176-my three sons remember that [[their]3176-my three sons dad]3180-their dad ’s not here to see it . ”[109-elouise] [Elouise]109-elouise nods quietly . “ So yeah . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ [Little League]13-little league is the hardest thing about [my]0-i life . ”[0-i] [The group]601-the group remains silent , and [I]0-i glance up to see [Tristan]74-tristan standing to the side of the circle . [His]74-tristan hands are in [his]74-tristan pockets , and [his]74-tristan haunted eyes hold [mine]0-i . [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head , wishing [I]0-i could take the personal words back . [I]0-i do n’t want [Tristan Miles]74-tristan to know [me]0-i , to know anything about [me]0-i or [[my]0-i children]602-my children and [our]603-our daily struggles . [I]0-i ’m keeping [my]0-i distance . [My]0-i attraction to [him]74-tristan is just that — a physical attraction . It means nothing . “ Okay , moving along . [Richard]118-richard . Tell [me]74-tristan about [your]118-richard childhood . ”[74-tristan] It ’s just around ten o’clock at night when [we]603-our are walking back from [the restaurant]269-the restaurant . [The group]601-the group is sleepy and subdued . Unlike last night , [everyone]382-everyone is tired . Today was a hard day and — [I]0-i hate to admit it — a little cathartic . [I]0-i had a lot of soul - searching moments and listened to a lot of [the others]607-the others have them too . An unexpected bond has formed between [me]0-i and [[my]0-i little group]608-my little group . [I]0-i ’m feeling deep and emotional and somewhat raw . It was unexpected , if [I]0-i ’m honest . [Tristan]74-tristan was at dinner but was sitting at another table with [the other lecturers]513-the other lecturers . [He]74-tristan was chatting and talking and deep in conversation with [another man]531-another man . [He]74-tristan has n’t been annoying [me]0-i today , or flirting . In fact , [he]74-tristan has n’t come near [me]0-i since [he]74-tristan heard [my]0-i little truth bomb this morning . It ’s all a bit real for [him]74-tristan , [I]0-i think . Even for [me]0-i , sometimes . [We]611-we arrive at [the hotel]612-the hotel , and [I]0-i see [a convenience store up ahead]613-a convenience store up ahead . [I]0-i might get some chocolate . A cup of tea and something sweet will end the day on a high . “ [I]0-i ’m just going to grab something from [the store]3181-the store . See [you]614-my group all in the morning , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ See [you]614-my group , ”[0-i] [[my]0-i group]614-my group calls as [they]614-my group disappear into [the hotel]612-the hotel . [I]0-i cross [the street]264-the street and grab [my]0-i chocolate and look through the books [they]614-my group have . Hmm . What can [I]0-i read ? [I]0-i do n’t read romance anymore , and horror is scary when [[my]0-i kids]617-my kids are on [the other side of [the world]259-the world]618-the other side of the world . Nope . . . nothing interests [me]0-i . Oh well , it was a nice thought . [I]0-i pay [the cashier]620-the cashier and head back over to [the hotel]612-the hotel . “ [Claire]81-claire ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i hear from [the side street next to [the hotel]612-the hotel]622-the side street next to the hotel . [I]0-i glance over and see [Tristan]74-tristan standing in the dark . “ Hi . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i clutch [my]0-i chocolate tightly in [my]0-i hand . “ [I]74-tristan just wanted to see how [you]0-i were , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says . See how [I]0-i am . . . like [a victim]624-a victim ? [My]0-i face falls , and an unexpected surge of anger rises in [my]0-i stomach . [I]0-i hate that [he]74-tristan heard [my]0-i admission of weakness this morning . “ [I]74-tristan ’m fine . ”[74-tristan] “ Do [you]0-i want to go and get some granny tea ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan gestures up [the street]264-the street to [a café]626-a café . [He]74-tristan ’s not using it as a code for sex ; [he]74-tristan really means tea tonight . Suddenly , [I]0-i ’m angry at [his]74-tristan change of direction with [me]0-i . [I]0-i can handle flirty and fun . This . . . [I]0-i can not . “ No , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [I]0-i do not . ”[0-i] Infuriated , [I]0-i storm off , and then , unable to help it , [I]0-i turn back to [him]74-tristan . “ [You]74-tristan know what ? Fuck [you]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ What ? ”[0-i] “ Do n’t [you]74-tristan give [me]0-i that look , [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . ”[0-i] “ What look ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan gasps . “ That pathetic look of sympathy , ”[0-i] [I]0-i sneer . “ [You]74-tristan can look at [me]0-i sexy ; [you]74-tristan can look at [me]0-i with distaste . But do n’t [you]74-tristan fucking dare feel sorry for [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan stares at [me]0-i . “ [The one person in [the world]259-the world that [I]74-tristan do n’t want pity from]3182-the one person in the world that i do n’t want pity from is [you]3182-the one person in the world that i do n’t want pity from . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan steps forward . “ What do [you]0-i want ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]0-i just want to be treated normal , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ Not like [poor [Claire Anderson]81-claire [the widow]3185-the widow]3184-poor claire anderson the widow . ”[0-i] [I]0-i throw [my]0-i hands up in the air . “ Like [a normal woman who [you]74-tristan do n’t know]3186-a normal woman who you do n’t know . ”[0-i] [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i ’m about to explode , and [I]0-i suck in deep breaths to try to calm [myself]0-i down . [My]0-i eyes search [his]74-tristan . “ At least when [you]74-tristan ’re [an asshole]3187-an asshole , [I]74-tristan know what to expect . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan rushes [me]0-i and grabs [my]0-i face in [his]74-tristan hands and kisses [me]0-i . [His]74-tristan tongue swipes through [my]0-i lips , and [he]74-tristan pushes [me]0-i up against the wall . “ Believe [me]74-tristan , [Claire Anderson]81-claire . . . the last thing [I]74-tristan feel when [I]74-tristan look at [you]81-claire . . . is pity . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan tongue dances against [mine]0-i , and [his]74-tristan grip on [my]0-i face is near painful . [I]0-i ’m forced forward as [he]74-tristan pulls [me]0-i onto [his]74-tristan cock . [I]0-i can feel it as it hardens . [My]0-i insides begin to liquefy . . . oh God . Something snaps inside of [me]0-i , and [I]0-i begin to kiss [him]74-tristan back . [I]0-i kiss [him]74-tristan with everything [I]0-i have , and God it feels good . Deep , erotic . . . and so long awaited . [He]74-tristan pulls back and looks at [me]0-i as [he]74-tristan holds [my]0-i face in [his]74-tristan hands . [His]74-tristan breathing is labored . “ What is that kiss , [Anderson]81-claire ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i stare up at [him]74-tristan as [my]0-i chest rises and falls . “ That ’s not a granny - tea kiss . ”[0-i] [His]74-tristan hands grip [my]0-i face harder , and [he]74-tristan licks [my]0-i open lips . [My]0-i insides clench at the dominance of [his]74-tristan action . “ That ’s a hungry kiss , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers darkly and then licks [my]0-i lips again . The way [he]74-tristan ’s licking [my]0-i open lips with no regard for what [my]0-i tongue is doing is making [me]0-i want [him]74-tristan to lick [me]0-i somewhere else . Every muscle deep inside of [me]0-i clenches as [I]0-i imagine [his]74-tristan head between [my]0-i legs . “ Are [you]0-i hungry , [Claire]81-claire ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan breathes . Fucking starving . [I]0-i put [my]0-i hand on the back of [his]74-tristan head and pull [him]74-tristan down to [me]0-i . [I]0-i kiss [him]74-tristan again . Harder this time , more urgent , and it ’s as if some kind of sexual rubber band has been stretched beyond repair and has finally snapped in a spectacular fashion . All bets are off . [I]0-i do n’t want to be [a sad widow]627-a sad widow anymore . . . just for tonight , [I]0-i want to be [a woman]417-a woman . [His]74-tristan hand goes to [my]0-i breast , and [my]0-i concentration returns . The arousal fog temporarily dissipates . Reality sets in . Wait . . . what ? What the hell am [I]0-i doing ? [I]0-i step back from [him]74-tristan in a rush . “ What ’s wrong ? ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan frowns as [he]74-tristan pants . [I]0-i hold [my]0-i temple as [I]0-i try to get a hold on [my]0-i arousal . “ Will [you]74-tristan just stop it ? ”[0-i] “ Stop what ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]0-i ’m not interested in [you]74-tristan , [Tristan]74-tristan . [I]0-i will never be interested in [you]74-tristan . Back off , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper angrily . [He]74-tristan screws up [his]74-tristan face in disbelief . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan heard [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan can feel [your]74-tristan attraction to [me]74-tristan . Stop lying . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan ’re delusional , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [You]74-tristan want [me]0-i ; admit it . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan reaches for [me]0-i again , and [I]0-i step back farther , out of [his]74-tristan reach . “ Leave [me]0-i the hell alone , [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] “ Get back here , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan orders . “ Go to hell . ”[74-tristan] Get back here . . . [I]0-i wish . Three words never sounded so hot and so wrong , and fuck [me]0-i , [my]0-i body desperately wants to do as [he]74-tristan commands . But [I]0-i wo n’t let [her]629-her . . . because [she]629-her ’s just horny , and [he]74-tristan ’s [a cad]630-a cad . And [I]0-i want to be able to live with [myself]0-i tomorrow . [I]0-i march in through [the hotel foyer]631-the hotel foyer on a mission . Get the hell away from [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . [That man]3170-that man is the devil and as tempting as sin . Chapter 5 [I]0-i sit in [the crowded auditorium]633-the crowded auditorium in a detached state . [The people]634-the people are all listening to the lecture on mind - sets and are journaling and actively working on the set tasks . But not [me]0-i , because [I]0-i ca n’t concentrate at all . [I]0-i ’m in the middle of a sensory overload . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is circling [the room]370-the room . Like a graceful panther on the prowl , [he]74-tristan ’s walking in and out of the aisles of [the audience]434-the audience , helping [people]406-people when [they]406-people ask for [his]74-tristan input and encouraging [them]406-people as [they]406-people think out loud . [I]0-i have no idea what ’s come over [me]0-i or why the thoughts in [my]0-i head have suddenly appeared . That kiss last night opened something up inside of [me]0-i . . . and [I]0-i have questions . Carnal questions . [He]74-tristan ’s wearing a perfect - fitting navy suit and a cream shirt with a yellow - and - gray - checkered tie . [He]74-tristan just took [his]74-tristan jacket off and slung it over a chair , and every muscle in [my]0-i body sighed . [His]74-tristan cream shirt is rolled up at the sleeves , revealing [his]74-tristan muscular forearms and broad chest . [I]0-i have a full view of [his]74-tristan behind now too . . . it ’s tight and firm , and [his]74-tristan thigh muscles are thick and sculpted . [His]74-tristan hair is dark and wavy , and [his]74-tristan skin . . . good God [his]74-tristan skin — it ’s bronzed and olive from the sun , and it matches [his]74-tristan big brown eyes . [I]0-i should n’t even be looking at [this man]284-this man , let alone staring . But [I]0-i ca n’t help it , and [I]0-i ca n’t stop [myself]0-i , and [I]0-i ’m not quite sure that [I]0-i want to . . . every cell in [my]0-i body is begging for [him]74-tristan , and [Marley]77-marley ’s words from the first time [she]77-marley saw [him]74-tristan about wolf whistling the fuck out of [this guy]3044-this guy are taunting [me]0-i as a dare . [A perfect male specimen]640-a perfect male specimen . Complete wolf - whistling material . . . whore - bag material too . [I]0-i ’m pretty sure that [Tristan Miles]74-tristan could talk [anyone]393-anyone onto [their]393-anyone back and have [them]393-anyone begging to open [their]393-anyone legs for [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i get a vision of [him]74-tristan taking [his]74-tristan shirt off at the end of the bed , and [my]0-i stomach flutters . Cheers to [the lucky bitches who are able to act on it]642-the lucky bitches who are able to act on it and drink [him]74-tristan down like chocolate . [I]0-i smirk at [my]0-i spot - on analogy as [I]0-i drop [my]0-i eyes to the floor . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is chocolate . Rich , delicious , and dreamy , [he]74-tristan offers a high . . . but in the end , [he]74-tristan is detrimental to [your]643-your health and bad to the bone . [He]74-tristan slowly approaches up the aisle behind [me]0-i , and a waft of [his]74-tristan aftershave surrounds [me]0-i as [he]74-tristan gets closer . As if sensing [his]74-tristan arrival , [my]0-i entire body breathes in . [I]0-i hold [my]0-i pen midair as [I]0-i stare straight ahead and try to focus . As [he]74-tristan nears , goose bumps scatter up [my]0-i arms at [his]74-tristan close proximity . [I]0-i ’ve never had a sexual attraction to [someone like this]644-someone like this before . It ’s strange . [I]0-i ’ve thought about [him]74-tristan all night — and not the “ Oh , [he]74-tristan ’s [a nice guy]534-a nice guy ”[74-tristan] kind of thoughts . Thoughts about [him]74-tristan throwing [me]0-i on the bed and giving it to [me]0-i good . [I]0-i do n’t like [him]74-tristan , and yet . . . all [I]0-i can think about is getting naked with [him]74-tristan . This is n’t who [I]0-i am ; [I]0-i ’m not [the kind of woman who thinks with [her]645-the kind of woman who thinks with her vagina vagina]645-the kind of woman who thinks with her vagina . But something about being wild and carefree with [a man like [him]74-tristan]558-a man like him is so damn inviting . In slow motion , [he]74-tristan crouches down beside [me]0-i . “ Do [you]0-i need any help , [Claire]81-claire ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [My]0-i breath catches as [I]0-i stare into [his]74-tristan big brown eyes . Fuck yes , [I]0-i do . “ [I]0-i ’m okay , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Thanks . ”[0-i] [We]647-we stare at [each other]286-each other for a beat longer than needed ; the undercurrent of arousal is flowing between [us]647-we . It ’s there every time [we]647-we are close to [each other]286-each other . Does [he]74-tristan feel it too . . . or do [all women]650-all women react to [him]74-tristan this way ? “ Are [you]0-i coming to the wine tour this afternoon ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [I]0-i nod , unable to push a word through [my]0-i lips . [He]74-tristan smiles softly . “ [I]74-tristan ’ll see [you]0-i then . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan stands gracefully and , with [his]74-tristan perfect posture , keeps walking ; [his]74-tristan aftershave lingers in the distance behind [him]74-tristan . An unexpected thrill runs through [me]0-i , and [I]0-i look down at [my]0-i notepad , rattled by [my]0-i body ’s reaction . What will [I]0-i wear ? [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head , disgusted that [I]0-i just had that thought . No . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is off limits . Stop it . . . whatever [you]651-you are thinking , stop it right now . [My]0-i cheeks hurt from laughing , and the heat of the alcohol haze warms [my]0-i face . This is [[our]652-we sixth winery]653-our sixth winery , the final destination of [our]652-we tour , and it ’s just ten o’clock at night . With [each winery]654-each winery , [we]652-we ’ve gotten sillier and sillier . [The bus]655-the bus pulled up out front here , and [we]652-we all nearly fell out of it as [we]652-we laughed out loud . [We]652-we ’ve had such a fun day . Who knew this conference would be fun ? [I]0-i most certainly was n’t expecting it . [My]0-i eyes go to [the man sitting alone at the bar]656-the man sitting alone at the bar . [Tristan]74-tristan . [We]652-we ’ve only spoken in [a group]550-a group today , and although [our]652-we eyes lingered on [each other]286-each other across the circle , not a word has been said about [our]652-we kiss last night . “ Let ’s keep going for dessert and port , ”[119-jada] [Jada]119-jada says . “ [We]652-we ’ll go to [the brewery]3189-the brewery . ”[119-jada] [The group]601-the group laughs and starts chattering as [they]601-the group make plans to move on , but [my]0-i eyes stay firmly fixed on [him]656-the man sitting alone at the bar as [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar sits alone . Screw it . . . just go talk to [him]656-the man sitting alone at the bar . There ’s no harm in talking to [him]656-the man sitting alone at the bar , and besides , [I]0-i ’ve come to the conclusion that perhaps [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar has a different side than what [I]0-i first perceived . Although , that could just be the wine talking . [The group]601-the group continues to chatter and laugh , and [I]0-i take a deep breath and walk over to [him]656-the man sitting alone at the bar at the bar . “ Is this seat taken ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [His]656-the man sitting alone at the bar eyes come to [me]0-i , and a trace of a smile crosses [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar lips . “ Be [[my]656-the man sitting alone at the bar guest]3190-my guest . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [I]0-i sit down on the stool beside [him]656-the man sitting alone at the bar at the bar , and [the waiter]277-the waiter approaches [me]0-i . “ What will it be ? ”[277-the waiter] “ [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar ’ll have another glass of champagne , please . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] “ Sure . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [His]656-the man sitting alone at the bar eyes flick to [Tristan]74-tristan . “ Another scotch ? ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] “ Please . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan stares straight ahead , with [his]74-tristan hands clasped in front of [him]74-tristan . “ Took [your]0-i time , [Anderson]81-claire , ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar says . “ What does that mean ? ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [He]656-the man sitting alone at the bar glances at [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar fancy watch . “ It ’s ten p.m. ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] “ Well , if it ’s too late to talk , [I]0-i ’ll leave , ”[0-i] [I]0-i tease . [I]0-i go to stand . “ Sit . Down . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [He]656-the man sitting alone at the bar smirks . “ [You]0-i ’re lucky it ’s a quiet night . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [The bartender]662-the bartender puts the champagne down in front of [me]0-i , and [I]0-i pick it up as [I]0-i try to hide [my]0-i smile . “ Who ’s lucky ? ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [He]656-the man sitting alone at the bar chuckles and taps [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar glass on [mine]0-i . “ To [Épernay]8-épernay . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] “ To [Épernay]8-épernay , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [Our]663-our eyes lock , and [I]0-i sip [my]0-i champagne . It ’s cold and bubbly and starts a fire inside of [me]0-i . With [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar eyes fixed firmly on [mine]0-i , [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar licks the scotch from [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar lips . “ [You]0-i should probably stop looking at [me]656-the man sitting alone at the bar like that . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] Electricity buzzes between [us]663-our as [everyone else in [the room]370-the room]437-everyone else in the room disappears . “ Like what ? ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] “ Like [you]656-the man sitting alone at the bar want to fucking eat [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [My]0-i stomach flutters . “ That ’s very presumptuous , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[0-i] “ Call [me]0-i [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i bite the inside of [my]0-i cheek to stop [myself]0-i from smiling . [I]0-i like this game . “ [I]0-i ’ll call [you]656-the man sitting alone at the bar whatever [I]0-i like , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mouth . [He]656-the man sitting alone at the bar inhales sharply and rearranges [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar crotch . Watching [him]656-the man sitting alone at the bar touch [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar dick does something to [my]0-i insides , and [my]0-i sex begins to throb . “ What makes [you]656-the man sitting alone at the bar think that [I]0-i want to eat [you]656-the man sitting alone at the bar ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [His]656-the man sitting alone at the bar eyes drop to [my]0-i lips . “ Because [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar want to eat [you]0-i , and it ’s manners to reciprocate . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [I]0-i giggle at [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar audacity . “ [I]0-i do n’t have very good manners , [I]0-i ’m afraid . ”[0-i] In slow motion , [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar picks up [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar chunky crystal glass and smiles as [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar puts it to [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar lips . “ So . . . this martyr thing works for [you]656-the man sitting alone at the bar ? ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] “ How am [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar [a martyr]3191-a martyr ? ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] “ Well . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [He]656-the man sitting alone at the bar shrugs casually . “ [You]0-i keep telling [me]656-the man sitting alone at the bar that [you]0-i ’re not attracted to [me]656-the man sitting alone at the bar , and yet . . . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] “ And yet what ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ And yet [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar can feel it , ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar murmurs . “ [Your]0-i body is calling for mine . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [Our]666-our eyes lock as the air leaves [my]0-i lungs . “ Every time [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar ’m close to [you]0-i , [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar can sense [our]666-our bodies talking to [each other]286-each other . Do n’t tell [me]656-the man sitting alone at the bar [you]0-i ca n’t feel it , because [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar know [you]0-i can , ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar whispers . [We]666-our stare at [each other]286-each other for an extended moment , the air swirling between [us]666-our . “ Are [you]0-i going to give [her]3193-her what [she]3193-her needs ? ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar asks as [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar lifts [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar glass to [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar lips . [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head , rattled by [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar sixth sense . “ [I]0-i ’m afraid [I]0-i ca n’t . ”[0-i] “ Why not ? ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] “ Because [you]0-i ’re not someone [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar . . . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] “ Like ? ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar asks , amused . [I]0-i hold [my]0-i tongue , not wanting to be rude . “ Relax , [Anderson]81-claire ; [you]0-i ’re [not someone that [I]0-i would like either]3194-not someone that i would like either . Do n’t get ahead of [yourself]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile , relieved . “ But . . . what happens on tour stays on tour , ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar adds . [My]0-i stomach flutters at the prospect of having secret sex with [this man]284-this man . [His]656-the man sitting alone at the bar focus moves to straight in front of [him]656-the man sitting alone at the bar , as if [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar ’s pondering something , and then [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar smiles darkly and takes a sip of [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar drink . “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Well , [you]656-the man sitting alone at the bar do know that one day , [we]3195-we are inevitability going to . . . fuck . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare at [him]656-the man sitting alone at the bar as a million pornographic pictures come to mind . “ An attraction like this does n’t go away , [Anderson]81-claire . ”[0-i] Goose bumps scatter up [my]0-i arms ; [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar does feel it too . “ So , as [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar see it . . . [we]3195-we can use the time away to [our]3195-we advantage . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] “ Or ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [His]656-the man sitting alone at the bar dark eyes meet [mine]0-i . “ Or [we]3195-we can go back to [New York]5-new york until [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar eventually wear [you]656-the man sitting alone at the bar down — for then [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar will fuck [you]656-the man sitting alone at the bar on [your]656-the man sitting alone at the bar desk . It will be hard and wet and messy , and who knows who might walk in on [us]3195-we . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [I]0-i blink , shocked . What the hell ? “ [You]656-the man sitting alone at the bar ’re so sure of [yourself]656-the man sitting alone at the bar . ”[0-i] “ [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar always get what [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar want . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [He]656-the man sitting alone at the bar gives [me]0-i a slow , sexy smile . “ And what [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar want is [you]656-the man sitting alone at the bar . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [My]0-i stomach flutters with nerves . “ Why ? ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] “ [You]656-the man sitting alone at the bar see . . . [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar could pretend that [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar like [you]656-the man sitting alone at the bar and that [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar want to explore [our]3195-we friendship or some fucking bullshit . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [He]656-the man sitting alone at the bar sips [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar drink . “ Or [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar could just tell [you]0-i the truth . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] “ Which is ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i breathe . [Our]669-our eyes are locked . “ The idea of [you]0-i hating [me]656-the man sitting alone at the bar while [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar lick [you]0-i up is a fucking turn - on , ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [he]656-the man sitting alone at the bar whispers . [I]0-i begin to hear [my]0-i pulse in [my]0-i ears . [He]656-the man sitting alone at the bar leans in and whispers in [my]0-i ear . “ [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar want to hear [you]0-i fucking moan , [Anderson]81-claire . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] [His]656-the man sitting alone at the bar breath tickles [my]0-i ear , and goose bumps scatter . “ It ’s all [I]656-the man sitting alone at the bar can think about ; [my]656-the man sitting alone at the bar cock has been weeping for [you]0-i all day . ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] Jesus . “ [You]656-the man sitting alone at the bar do n’t expect [me]0-i to like [you]656-the man sitting alone at the bar ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , fascinated by [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar request . “ As [a friend]3196-a friend . . . who [you]656-the man sitting alone at the bar can trust to take care of [you]0-i sexually , of course . ”[0-i] “ Anything more ? ”[656-the man sitting alone at the bar] “ Absolutely not . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i champagne as [I]0-i process [his]656-the man sitting alone at the bar words . “ [I]0-i ’m not the kind of woman who does this sort of thing , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ And [I]0-i ’m [the kind of man that does]3197-the kind of man that does . [You]656-the man sitting alone at the bar do n’t even have to talk ; [I]0-i ’ll do all the work . ”[0-i] The air buzzes between [us]670-us like electricity . This is it , the defining moment — an offer to possibly find [the woman inside of [me]0-i whom [I]0-i ’ve lost]671-the woman inside of me whom i ’ve lost . [I]0-i know that [I]0-i have two choices . [I]0-i can go [home]341-home alone and always regret this moment , or [I]0-i can have honest sex with [a man with whom it ’s impossible to form an emotional attachment]673-a man with whom it ’s impossible to form an emotional attachment . “ [We]670-us ’re going to [the cellar]3198-the cellar , ”[114-nelson] [Nelson]114-nelson says jovially from behind [us]670-us , breaking the spell . “ [[You]670-us guys]3199-you guys coming ? ”[114-nelson] [I]0-i look over at [the group]601-the group as [they]601-the group all stand by the door , waiting for [everyone]382-everyone , and [I]0-i know [I]0-i need to make a decision . “ Um . . . no . [I]0-i ’m going to call it a night and go to bed . ”[0-i] “ Oh , okay . ”[114-nelson] [Nelson]114-nelson turns to [Tristan]74-tristan . “ [You]74-tristan coming ? ”[114-nelson] “ No , [I]114-nelson ’m meeting [a friend here at [the bar]533-the bar]3200-a friend here at the bar . [She]3200-a friend here at the bar has n’t arrived yet , ”[114-nelson] [he]114-nelson lies without a beat . [Nelson]114-nelson smiles . “ [Lucky bastard]3202-lucky bastard . Have fun for [me]114-nelson . ”[114-nelson] [He]114-nelson slaps [him]74-tristan hard on the back and smiles at [the two of [us]3165-the two of us]3165-the two of us . “ Good night , then . See [you]3165-the two of us tomorrow . ”[114-nelson] “ Good night . ”[601-the group] [The group]601-the group waves to [us]3165-the two of us , and with a loud chatter among [them]601-the group , [they]601-the group leave [the bar]533-the bar . [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes come to [me]0-i . “ [[Your]0-i room]3203-your room or [mine]0-i ? ”[74-tristan] “ [Mine]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i unlock the door to [[my]0-i room]3158-my room as [he]74-tristan stands behind [me]0-i . [I]0-i can feel [his]74-tristan breath on the back of [my]0-i neck , and [I]0-i may pass out at any moment . . . or orgasm . Both options are n’t ideal or particularly cool . [He]74-tristan kicks the door shut and , without a word , takes [my]0-i face in [his]74-tristan hands and kisses [me]0-i as [he]74-tristan walks [me]0-i backward toward [my]0-i bed . [His]74-tristan tongue dives deep into [my]0-i mouth as [he]74-tristan holds [me]0-i close , and goose bumps scatter up [my]0-i spine . No matter what happens from here . . . [the man]680-the man can kiss . So . . . well . [Our]681-our tongues dance together , and [I]0-i ca n’t even open [my]0-i eyes to look at [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i ’m so in the moment that it ’s just ridiculous . “ Jesus , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan murmurs against [my]0-i lips . [I]0-i giggle . “ Hurry up . Fuck . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan begins to undo the buttons of [his]74-tristan shirt with urgency . “ What ’s the rush ? ”[74-tristan] “ The rush is [I]0-i want [you]0-i naked , and [I]0-i ca n’t get [you]0-i naked until [I]0-i ’m naked . It ’s the naked law . ”[0-i] “ There ’s a naked law ? ”[74-tristan] “ [Everyone]382-everyone knows that . Fuck . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan rolls [his]74-tristan eyes . “ [I]74-tristan told [you]74-tristan not to talk , remember ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i laugh . Oh man . [He]74-tristan ’s fun . [He]74-tristan tears [his]74-tristan shirt over [his]74-tristan shoulders , and [my]0-i breath catches . Broad and muscular , with a scattering of dark hair . [He]74-tristan has a rippled abdomen and a V of muscles that disappears into [his]74-tristan pants . Holy shit . Suddenly , [I]0-i ’m nervous . [Nobody]3093-nobody has seen [me]0-i naked in a very long time . . . oh jeez . Abort mission . [He]74-tristan takes [my]0-i fingers and puts them on [his]74-tristan zipper . [He]74-tristan smiles , with [his]74-tristan eyes fixed on [mine]0-i . “ Take it all off , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mouths . [My]0-i heart somersaults in [my]0-i chest , and [I]0-i slowly slide the zipper of [his]74-tristan trousers down . The tip of [his]74-tristan cock sits above the waistband of [his]74-tristan briefs . Preejaculate is beading on the end of it , and [my]0-i stomach clenches hard . In fear and anticipation and horror . . . oh hell , so much to clench about . [He]74-tristan holds [his]74-tristan hands out wide and smiles down at [me]0-i . “ Do it , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says . [I]0-i slide [his]74-tristan trousers down and then [his]74-tristan briefs . [His]74-tristan cock is large and broad , and it hangs heavily between [his]74-tristan legs . Oh . . . shit . [I]0-i inhale deeply as [I]0-i stare down at [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan ’s [a beautiful man]683-a beautiful man . Handsome , built , and well endowed . [I]0-i have no words as [my]0-i eyes drink [him]74-tristan in . . . just wow . [He]74-tristan smiles darkly . “ [My]74-tristan turn . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i puff air into [my]0-i cheeks . “ [I]74-tristan . . . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan lips drop to [my]0-i neck , and [I]0-i look up to the ceiling . [He]74-tristan begins to undo the buttons on [my]0-i silk shirt , and [I]0-i wince and slightly pull away from [him]74-tristan . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan . . . have n’t . . . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan stares at [me]0-i , waiting . “ [I]74-tristan . . . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]0-i what ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i softly , as if to prompt [me]0-i to speak . “ [I]74-tristan have n’t had sex in a really long time . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan face falls as [he]74-tristan connects the dots . “ Since ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ [Jesus]121-jesus , [Anderson]81-claire . . . no pressure . ”[74-tristan] “ Why would that make [you]74-tristan feel pressured ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . [He]74-tristan throws [his]74-tristan hands up in the air . “ Because , like . . . fuck . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan goes back to work on [my]0-i blouse and throws it to the side and then stops and smiles as [he]74-tristan looks down at [me]0-i . [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes , so nervous that [I]0-i ca n’t even look at [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan slides [my]0-i skirt off , and [I]0-i stand before [him]74-tristan in [my]0-i panties and bra . [He]74-tristan unhooks [my]0-i bra , and then [his]74-tristan lips drop to [my]0-i nipples as [he]74-tristan slowly slides [my]0-i panties down and throws them to the side . [His]74-tristan eyes drop down [my]0-i body and then up to [my]0-i face , and [he]74-tristan smiles softly . “ Do n’t , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i whisper , embarrassed . “ [I]0-i must be a world away from [the women [you]74-tristan normally sleep with]3205-the women you normally sleep with . ”[0-i] “ Why is that ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers as [he]74-tristan kisses [my]0-i lips . “ [I]74-tristan ’m . . . ”[74-tristan] “ Oh , [you]74-tristan mean this ? ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan hands run over [my]0-i thighs . “ A little cellulite , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [His]74-tristan fingertips dust over [my]0-i stomach . “ A few stretch marks . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan grabs the little pouch of fat on [my]0-i stomach and gives it a tug , and [I]0-i smile against [his]74-tristan lips . “ C - section scar . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan runs [his]74-tristan finger over the large scar on [my]0-i lower stomach . [His]74-tristan hands go to [my]0-i breasts , slightly saggy and not full like they used to be before [the kids]3077-the kids . [He]74-tristan tweaks [my]0-i nipples , which are large from breastfeeding . [My]0-i heart races as [he]74-tristan touches all [my]0-i insecurities . [He]74-tristan holds [his]74-tristan hands out wide . “ Do [I]74-tristan look like [a man who does n’t like what [he]74-tristan sees]3206-a man who does n’t like what he sees ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [My]0-i eyes lower to [his]74-tristan large erection , and then [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head . “ [Claire]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan finger under [my]0-i chin and brings [my]0-i face up to meet [his]74-tristan . “ [You]0-i ’re beautiful , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers as [he]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i . “ So fucking beautiful . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i again , and it ’s soft and tender and caring and not at all what [I]0-i expected . “ [You]0-i wear [your]0-i insecurities here . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pinches the bottom of [my]0-i stomach . “ [Mine]0-i are on the inside , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ Just because [you]0-i ca n’t see them does n’t mean they are n’t there . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]0-i knew it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile against [his]74-tristan lips . [He]74-tristan grabs [my]0-i hips and throws [me]0-i on the bed and then crawls over [me]0-i . “ Be gentle , please , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan teases . “ Do n’t hurt [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i burst out laughing , because that is the most ridiculous thing [I]0-i ’ve ever heard . “ [[You]0-i idiot]3207-you idiot . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan reaches down and swipes [his]74-tristan fingers through [my]0-i sex . [His]74-tristan eyes flicker with arousal . “ Hmm . . . so wet . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan bends and takes [my]0-i nipple into [his]74-tristan mouth and gives it a hard suck as [he]74-tristan slides two fingers in deep . “ Oh . . . God . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i back arches off the bed as [he]74-tristan begins to pump [me]0-i . “ Spread them . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i open [my]0-i legs back to the mattress , and [he]74-tristan goes slow at first to let [me]0-i acclimatize . Then [he]74-tristan picks up the pace . [He]74-tristan really begins to ride [me]0-i hard with [his]74-tristan fingers . This feels so foreign and new , and [I]0-i push the fearful thoughts out of [my]0-i mind . It ’s one time . . . just enjoy this . [My]0-i entire body jerks up and down on the mattress from the pressure . Fuck yes . . . [I]0-i need this . . . [I]0-i so need this . The sound of [my]0-i wet arousal sucking [him]74-tristan in is loud in [the room]370-the room , and the look of triumph in [his]74-tristan eyes is so fucking hot . “ Clench , [baby]3208-baby , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ Give [me]74-tristan a taste of what [I]74-tristan ’m about to get . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i clench hard , and [his]74-tristan eyes roll back in [his]74-tristan head . [He]74-tristan pumps [me]0-i harder , and [I]0-i scream out as [I]0-i come hard . [I]0-i shudder , and [my]0-i convulsion lifts [me]0-i off the bed . [He]74-tristan screws up [his]74-tristan face as [he]74-tristan pumps [me]0-i through [my]0-i body ’s rippling around [his]74-tristan fingers . [He]74-tristan climbs over [me]0-i with urgency . “ Condom , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i stammer through [my]0-i fog . “ Shit . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan bounces up and grabs [his]74-tristan trousers and fumbles around in the pocket for [his]74-tristan wallet , and then [his]74-tristan face falls in horror . “ Fuck it . [I]74-tristan only have one . How do [I]74-tristan only have one ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan opens it and rolls it on . [I]0-i look up , surprised . “ What kind of player are [you]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] “ Unprepared , obviously . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan lies back down over [me]0-i and brings [my]0-i legs up around [his]74-tristan hips , and in one sharp movement [he]74-tristan slides home deep . [His]74-tristan eyelids flutter . “ Fucking hell , [Anderson]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan pants as [he]74-tristan slowly slides out . [I]0-i smile up at [him]74-tristan in wonder . “ Happy to report . . . the vagina is a perfect specimen , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan pushes out through gritted teeth . “ No insecurities here . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i burst out laughing . “ Shut up , [[you]81-claire fool]3209-you fool , and fuck [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan widens [his]74-tristan knees and slides in deep , and [we]686-we find a rhythm . [He]74-tristan does a circular thing , and it drives [me]0-i wild . [I]0-i begin to thrash beneath [him]74-tristan . [His]74-tristan eyes are rolled back in [his]74-tristan head . “ [You]74-tristan have an ugly sex face , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . [He]74-tristan bursts out laughing . “ [I]74-tristan told [you]0-i , no talking . ”[74-tristan] [We]686-we both laugh , and then [he]74-tristan falls serious and watches [me]0-i for a moment as [he]74-tristan pumps [me]0-i deep . This just feels so raw and real . “ [You]0-i need to come . [You]0-i need to come , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan stammers . “ [I]74-tristan ca n’t stop it . [You]0-i need to come , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan begins to chant . “ [Anderson]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan screws [his]74-tristan face up , as if in pain . “ No , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [I]0-i ’m not ready . ”[0-i] [I]0-i ride [his]74-tristan beautiful deep pumps . . . so good . “ Oh . . . fuck it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i feel the telling jerk of [his]74-tristan cock , and [he]74-tristan moans , deep and loud , and then goes into a frenzy of deep pumps to completely empty [himself]74-tristan . God , [I]0-i want to do this all night . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ What the fuck . . . too quick ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i tease . If [I]0-i ’m honest , [I]0-i love that [he]74-tristan could n’t hold it . [I]0-i love that [he]74-tristan was so turned on that [he]74-tristan had no control . This is n’t about orgasms for [me]0-i . It ’s about a connection that [I]0-i ’ve been missing , but [I]0-i ’ll never let [him]74-tristan in on [my]0-i little secret . “ It ’s not [my]74-tristan fault , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan stammers in an outrage . “ [You]0-i should n’t feel so fucking good . That never happens to [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ One condom , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Are [you]74-tristan serious ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i pant . “ [I]0-i have another way to fuck [you]74-tristan that wo n’t result in pregnancy . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan smiles darkly down at [me]0-i . [I]0-i giggle up at [him]74-tristan . Oh , [he]74-tristan ’s fun , all right . “ Forget it , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . [You]82-mr. miles only got one go . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i roll over and feel a hand on [my]0-i naked hip bone , and [I]0-i frown . Huh ? Oh shit . [My]0-i eyes snap open . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is in [my]0-i bed . [We]687-we had sex . [I]0-i had sex with [Tristan]74-tristan fucking [Miles]74-tristan . Shit . . . [[you]74-tristan idiot]3207-you idiot . [I]0-i shake [him]74-tristan . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [I]0-i shake [him]74-tristan again . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , wake up . ”[0-i] “ Huh ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan frowns and props up on [his]74-tristan elbow . “ What ’s wrong ? ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan need to go , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [I]0-i do n’t know why [I]0-i ’m whispering ; [nobody]3093-nobody can hear [us]687-we . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan looks around in confusion . “ Why ? ”[74-tristan] “ Because it ’s five a.m. , and [everyone]382-everyone is going to be up soon , and [I]74-tristan do n’t want anyone seeing [you]74-tristan leave [[my]74-tristan room]3158-my room . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan frowns over at [me]0-i . “ Why not ? ”[74-tristan] “ Because then [I]74-tristan ’ll be [the groupie who fucked [the lecturer at the conference]3213-the lecturer at the conference]3212-the groupie who fucked the lecturer at the conference . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan lies down and pinches the bridge of [his]74-tristan nose . “ [You]74-tristan are [the groupie who fucked [the lecturer at the conference]3213-the lecturer at the conference]3212-the groupie who fucked the lecturer at the conference . ”[74-tristan] “ This is n’t funny , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Quick . Get out . ”[0-i] “ [You]74-tristan ’re hurting [my]74-tristan feelings , [Anderson]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smirks as [he]74-tristan climbs out of bed . “ Kicking [me]74-tristan out of bed in the middle of the night . [I]74-tristan ’ve never heard of such coldheartedness . ”[74-tristan] “ Shut up , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Go . ”[0-i] [I]0-i point to the door . “ Get out . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan smiles and pulls [his]74-tristan trousers up . “ How dare [you]74-tristan use [my]74-tristan body in this manner ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i flop back down on the bed . “ [You]0-i ’re such [an idiot]267-an idiot . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan leans over the bed and smiles down at [me]0-i . “ And [you]0-i ’re fucking hot . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i . “ Good night , [Anderson]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile up at [him]74-tristan . “ It ’s morning . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan stands and puts [his]74-tristan jacket on and turns toward the door . “ [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan turns back toward [me]0-i . “ [I]0-i believe it was [you]74-tristan that moaned [my]0-i name first , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say sweetly . [He]74-tristan rolls [his]74-tristan eyes . “ That ’s debatable . ”[74-tristan] The door clicks closed behind [him]74-tristan , and [I]0-i smile goofily up at the ceiling . That was . . . surprisingly fun . Chapter 6 [I]0-i wake with a jump and notice it ’s light — too light for early morning . Huh ? [I]0-i scramble for [my]0-i phone on the nightstand : 8:45 a.m. What the hell ? [We]690-we started at eight o’clock this morning . [My]0-i eyes widen in horror . Oh [my]0-i God . [I]0-i dive out of bed and run to the shower . Shit . And [my]0-i clothes need ironing — oh , this is a disaster . Why am [I]0-i not more organized ? [I]0-i shower in record time , grab [my]0-i clothes , and run around like [a lunatic dressing]691-a lunatic dressing . [I]0-i hop around , putting [my]0-i makeup on while looking for [my]0-i shoes . [Tristan]74-tristan ’s briefs are in the middle of the floor , and [I]0-i scoop them up and shove them in [my]0-i suitcase . [I]0-i look around for [my]0-i room key . Where is it ? Oh , damn it , [I]0-i ’ll get another one from reception this afternoon . [I]0-i grab [my]0-i handbag and run . Ten minutes later [I]0-i rush into [the conference room]692-the conference room to find [everyone]382-everyone sitting and listening to [a woman]417-a woman speak . [I]0-i ’m puffing and panting , and [everyone in [the room]370-the room]467-everyone in the room turns to look at [me]0-i . “ Hi , ”[0-i] [I]0-i huff . “ [I]0-i do n’t know . . . [my]0-i alarm did n’t go off . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ [I]697-the lecturer ’m sorry [I]697-the lecturer ’m so late . ”[697-the lecturer] [The lecturer]697-the lecturer gestures to a chair . “ That ’s quite all right , [dear]3179-dear . Please take a seat . ”[697-the lecturer] [I]0-i walk through the chairs and slink into a chair in the back row . Damn it . [I]0-i want the earth to swallow [me]0-i up . [I]0-i look so unprofessional . [I]0-i glance over to see [Tristan]74-tristan biting [his]74-tristan bottom lip to stop [himself]74-tristan from smiling as [he]74-tristan listens intently to the lecture . [His]74-tristan eyes do n’t come to [me]0-i at all . Completely cool , calm , and collected , as usual . Wearing a dark - gray suit , [he]74-tristan looks like [he]74-tristan ’s just stepped off a modeling shoot . Clean shaven , perfectly put together . [His]74-tristan dark wavy hair is well kept , with not a hair out of place . [I]0-i bite the inside of [my]0-i cheek to stop [myself]0-i from smiling like [a loon]698-a loon . [I]0-i know what ’s under [his]74-tristan suit , and it ’s pretty fucking delicious . [We]699-we sit at [the café]700-the café and drink [our]699-we coffee during the afternoon tea break . [Tristan]74-tristan is sitting with [[his]74-tristan three groupies]701-his three groupies , and [I]0-i ’m talking to [Nelson]114-nelson and [Peter]122-peter , [one of [the other guys]703-the other guys]702-one of the other guys . [Tristan]74-tristan has n’t acknowledged last night at all , and [I]0-i ’m beginning to wonder if [I]0-i imagined the entire thing . Mind [you]704-you , [we]699-we have n’t been alone at all , but still . Not even a glance [my]0-i way . “ So , [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[107-saba] [Saba]107-saba says in [her]107-saba sexiest voice . “ Are [we]699-we on for tonight ? [You]74-tristan ’ve been promising to party with [[us]699-we girls]3218-us girls . ”[107-saba] [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes flick guiltily to [me]0-i . “ No . [I]107-saba ca n’t . [I]107-saba ’m sorry . [I]107-saba ’m busy . ”[107-saba] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i coffee as [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan navigate this . It ’s fun watching [him]74-tristan squirm . “ Doing what ? ”[107-saba] [Saba]107-saba frowns . “ [I]107-saba have a project to finish with [Claire]81-claire . [We]3218-us girls started it last night , and it still needs work . ”[107-saba] [The girls]400-the girls ’ faces fall in disappointment . “ No , that ’s fine , [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i interrupt . “ [I]0-i finished the job [myself]0-i after [you]74-tristan left . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan blinks in disbelief and then narrows [his]74-tristan eyes . “ Is that so ? ”[74-tristan] “ Uh - huh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i coffee , acting innocent . [He]74-tristan glares at [me]0-i . “ Yeah , that ’s probably why [I]74-tristan slept so well . Felt so good to finally get the project done , [you]0-i know ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan would have done it better , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan replies flatly . “ Oh , well , [you]74-tristan did n’t . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile sweetly . “ [I]0-i saved [you]74-tristan the job . [You]74-tristan should go party with [the girls]400-the girls . [I]0-i ’m sure [they]400-the girls ’re going to be great fun . ”[0-i] “ Yes . ”[400-the girls] [The girls]400-the girls all giggle on cue , and [he]74-tristan looks at [me]0-i deadpan . The bell rings for [us]707-us to return , and [everyone]382-everyone stands and leaves [us]707-us alone . “ Finished the job , did [you]0-i ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [I]0-i shrug casually . “ It had to be done . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan stands and does [his]74-tristan suit jacket up with one hand , unimpressed . “ [You]0-i ’re a smart - ass , [Anderson]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] “ Have fun with [the girls]400-the girls tonight , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Although , [I]0-i really do n’t know how [you]74-tristan would handle three ? ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i ’re going to fucking get it . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan marches off toward [the conference room]692-the conference room , clearly annoyed , and [I]0-i smile after [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i feel a flutter in [my]0-i psyche ; it ’s as if the playful part of [my]0-i personality is waking up from [her]710-her deep sleep . The long - forgotten piece of [me]0-i . [Tristan]74-tristan makes [me]0-i remember who [I]0-i was . . . before . [The room]370-the room is steamy and hot , and [I]0-i smile sleepily as [my]0-i head rests on the side of the bathtub . It ’s just around ten o’clock , and [I]0-i ’m so relaxed that [I]0-i ’m nearly asleep . [I]0-i hear the lock on [my]0-i door click , and [I]0-i frown . Huh ? Maybe it ’s housekeeping . The door shuts . “ Hello ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . “ Hi , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says as [he]74-tristan walks into [the bathroom]584-the bathroom . [He]74-tristan takes off [his]74-tristan suit jacket and throws it over the chair in the corner . “ What are [you]74-tristan doing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]74-tristan continues to undress . “ How did [you]74-tristan get in [here]3039-here ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i frown . “ A key ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kicks off [his]74-tristan shoes . “ How did [you]74-tristan get a key ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan unzips [his]74-tristan pants . “ [I]74-tristan did what [any self - respecting man who ’s kicked out of bed in the middle of the night]3222-any self - respecting man who ’s kicked out of bed in the middle of the night does . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan takes off [his]74-tristan shirt . “ [I]74-tristan took [yours]3223-yours . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i eyes widen . “ [You]74-tristan stole [my]0-i key ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i gasp . “ Borrowed it , and relax , [we]3224-we swap body fluids . What ’s [yours]3223-yours is [mine]3223-yours . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan slides down [his]74-tristan trousers and briefs . “ Move over . [I]74-tristan ’m getting in . ”[74-tristan] “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan steps into [the bath]713-the bath , between [my]0-i legs , and sits down . The water sloshes over the side . “ It ’s too hot . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan winces as [he]74-tristan goes to turn the cold water on . “ Do n’t even think about it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter . [He]74-tristan smiles and then slides down and closes [his]74-tristan eyes . The water sloshes over the sides again . [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan for a moment . “ How was [your]74-tristan date ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ It was n’t a date . ”[0-i] “ Okay , [[your]74-tristan foursome]3225-your foursome . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i ’d like that , would n’t [you]0-i ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mumbles . “ A reason to tease [me]74-tristan for all of eternity . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan hair is all messed up , and [his]74-tristan boyish charm is at an all - time high . [I]0-i smile , surprised by who [he]74-tristan ’s turning out to be . [I]0-i never once pegged [him]74-tristan as fun to be around . [He]74-tristan opens one eye to look at [me]0-i . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan really are [a very good - looking man]3226-a very good - looking man , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smirks . “ Is that [you]74-tristan giving [me]74-tristan a compliment , [Anderson]81-claire ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i nod in slow motion with a big smile . [He]74-tristan runs [his]74-tristan hand up [my]0-i leg . “ Did [you]74-tristan really finish [yourself]74-tristan off last night ? ”[74-tristan] “ Would it bother [you]74-tristan if [I]74-tristan did ? ”[74-tristan] “ Yes . It would , actually . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pick up [his]74-tristan foot and kiss it and then put it back down between [my]0-i breasts . “ No , [Tristan]74-tristan , [I]0-i did n’t . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan stares at [me]0-i for a moment , as if processing a thought . [He]74-tristan massages [my]0-i breast with [his]74-tristan foot . “ Are [you]74-tristan lying ? ”[74-tristan] “ Why would [I]74-tristan ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan do n’t know . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan thinks on it for a moment . “ [You]74-tristan ’re [a very different species of woman]3227-a very different species of woman to what [I]74-tristan ’m used to , [Claire]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] “ How so ? ”[74-tristan] “ It did n’t bother [you]74-tristan one bit that [I]0-i went out with [three women]562-three women tonight ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . If [we]714-we were different , [I]0-i would no doubt be raging mad , but knowing that [Tristan]74-tristan is just for fun and that it could never be like that between [us]714-we , [I]0-i ’m surprisingly good . “ No . Why ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i lift [his]74-tristan foot and kiss it again . “ Should it ? ”[0-i] “ [I]74-tristan do n’t know . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan frowns as [he]74-tristan contemplates [his]74-tristan response . “ Do [you]74-tristan want [me]0-i to act jealous ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a lopsided smile . “ Perhaps a little . Could n’t hurt , could it ? ”[74-tristan] “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i fall into role - play . “ Yes . ”[0-i] “ [I]74-tristan thought [we]3229-we had something special . How could [you]74-tristan do this to [me]74-tristan ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan bites [his]74-tristan lip to hide [his]74-tristan smile . “ That ’s more like it . ”[74-tristan] “ After all [we]3229-we ’ve been through , [I]0-i thought [I]0-i was [the one]3230-the one , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [He]74-tristan smiles broadly . [He]74-tristan likes this game . [I]0-i slide across and lie on top of [him]74-tristan . [His]74-tristan big arms come around [me]0-i , and [my]0-i lips take [his]74-tristan . “ [I]74-tristan kind of like [you]0-i being jealous , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [I]0-i smile against [his]74-tristan lips as [I]0-i circle [my]0-i sex over [his]74-tristan hardened erection . “ Did [you]0-i go to [the pharmacy]3231-the pharmacy today ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan chuckles . “ [I]74-tristan bought in bulk . ”[74-tristan] The glimmer of perspiration dusts [his]74-tristan skin , and [he]74-tristan looks up at [me]0-i with dark eyes . [Tristan]74-tristan . [Tristan]74-tristan fucking [Miles]74-tristan . Sex - god extraordinaire . [I]0-i do n’t know if this is [the same man [I]0-i slept with last night]715-the same man i slept with last night . [The man with [me]0-i tonight]716-the man with me tonight is an absolute rock star between the sheets . [I]0-i ’m in awe . [We]717-we ’ve been fucking for hours . Like animals , [we]717-we ca n’t get enough . [We]717-we finish and talk for a little while , and then [he]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i , and the entire process begins again . It ’s like the ultimate marathon . [We]717-we ’re both wet with perspiration , and [I]0-i ’ve never had sex like this before . “ Come on , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [He]74-tristan wants it harder and tighter . [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes and clench . [He]74-tristan has [my]0-i two hip bones in [his]74-tristan hands , and [he]74-tristan ’s guiding [me]0-i over [his]74-tristan cock and positioning [me]0-i where [he]74-tristan wants [me]0-i . [His]74-tristan pumps get harder . . . deeper . “ Yes , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan moans . “ Fuck yes . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan grip becomes tighter . [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes as [I]0-i begin to moan . Fuck . . . how many times can [the female body]718-the female body come in one night ? This is insane . “ [Anderson]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan growls as [I]0-i lose focus . “ Fuck [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ Ohh , ”[0-i] [I]0-i murmur as [I]0-i stare down at [the gorgeous man beneath [me]0-i]719-the gorgeous man beneath me . [His]74-tristan hair is hanging messily over [his]74-tristan forehead , [his]74-tristan eyes are dark , and [his]74-tristan face is alive with satisfaction . This is [his]74-tristan element . Sex is [his]74-tristan thing . There ’s a reason the name [Tristan fucking Miles]74-tristan came to [me]0-i . It was a premonition . The fucking was n’t silent ; it was a verb . [He]74-tristan flips [us]720-us so that [I]0-i am on [my]0-i back . [He]74-tristan lifts [my]0-i legs and puts them over [his]74-tristan shoulders and then comes face to face with [me]0-i . And [we]720-us stop still as [we]720-us stare at [each other]286-each other . [His]74-tristan body is deep inside of [mine]0-i ; the burn of [his]74-tristan rough possession holds [me]0-i captive . [He]74-tristan smiles softly , and [my]0-i stomach flutters . Do n’t look at [me]0-i like that . “ Kiss [me]74-tristan , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan breathes . “ [I]74-tristan need [you]0-i to kiss [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes to block [him]74-tristan out , because damn . This is n’t what this is about . [I]0-i need some distance between [us]720-us — this is too much . Too intense , too personal . Too . . . intimate . “ Open [your]0-i eyes , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan commands . [I]0-i drag them open . “ Kiss [me]74-tristan , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ [Tris]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper , close to the edge of insanity . “ It ’s all right , [baby]3208-baby . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pushes the hair back from [my]0-i forehead . “ [I]74-tristan ’ve got [you]0-i . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i eyes search [his]74-tristan . [I]0-i feel [my]0-i resistance leave , and as if [he]74-tristan senses the exact moment that [I]0-i hand over [my]0-i power , [his]74-tristan lips take [mine]0-i . [We]722-we kiss for a long time . [His]74-tristan tongue swipes through [my]0-i mouth , mirroring the thrusts of [his]74-tristan hips . [He]74-tristan begins to moan — long , satisfied deep breaths — and [my]0-i head is thrown back into the pillow . “ Fuck , [Claire]81-claire . . . this is so fucking good . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i mouth falls open , and [I]0-i shudder hard as a freight train of an orgasm rips through [me]0-i . [His]74-tristan eyes roll back in [his]74-tristan head , and then [he]74-tristan straightens [his]74-tristan arms and widens [his]74-tristan legs and slams in deep . [He]74-tristan tips [his]74-tristan head back and cries out . [I]0-i feel the telling jerk of [his]74-tristan cock as [he]74-tristan comes again . [I]0-i turn [my]0-i head to the side to get away . Damn it , [he]74-tristan ’s under [my]0-i skin , and [I]0-i need to get [him]74-tristan off . “ Hey , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says . [I]0-i keep [my]0-i face to the side as [I]0-i pant . Tears threaten . [I]0-i ’m completely overwhelmed . “ [Anderson]81-claire . ”[0-i] [I]0-i drag [my]0-i eyes back to [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i like it when [he]74-tristan calls [me]0-i that ; it ’s playful and mindless . . . not deep and emotional , like how [I]0-i ’m feeling . [His]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i for a moment , and as if reading [my]0-i mind and knowing exactly what [I]0-i need in this moment , [he]74-tristan says , “ [You]0-i fuck all right for an old duck . ”[74-tristan] That was the most unexpected thing [I]0-i have ever heard . [I]0-i smirk , then smile , and then break into a chuckle . Oh Lord . [This man]284-this man kills [me]0-i . [I]0-i laugh out loud as [I]0-i stare up at the ceiling . “ Only [you]0-i . ”[74-tristan] Unable to hold [himself]74-tristan up any longer , [he]74-tristan falls on top of [me]0-i , and [he]74-tristan laughs too . [He]74-tristan pulls out of [me]0-i and kisses [me]0-i once more and then hops up and goes to [the bathroom]584-the bathroom . [My]0-i body is still throbbing from the pounding [he]74-tristan has just given it , and [I]0-i still feel like [I]0-i ’m teetering on the edge of insanity . [I]0-i lie in the dark , still panting , as a myriad of emotions run through [me]0-i . [I]0-i ’m sated and full and lethargic , and a strange twinge of fear loiters in the dark corner of [my]0-i mind . [I]0-i push it away as fast as [I]0-i can . [He]74-tristan reappears from the kitchenette in [[my]0-i room]3158-my room and hands [me]0-i a glass of water . “ Here [you]0-i are . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i sit up on [my]0-i elbow and take it . “ Thanks . ”[74-tristan] “ Well , [your]0-i voice is hoarse from moaning ‘ [Tristan]74-tristan ’ all night . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan shrugs casually . “ It ’s the least [I]74-tristan could do . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i giggle . “ Feeling proud of [yourself]0-i ? ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan hands on [his]74-tristan hips and puffs [his]74-tristan chest out . [He]74-tristan ’s soft now and completely natural , but just as beautiful . “ Ten feet tall , actually . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile up at [him]74-tristan and tap the bed next to [me]0-i . [This man]284-this man is so unexpected ; it ’s like [he]284-this man ’s [two different people]727-two different people . [He]284-this man ’s hard on the exterior for [the world]259-the world to see , but as soon as [he]284-this man got naked with [me]0-i , it was like a different side of [him]284-this man appeared . [This Tristan]74-tristan is a lot more appealing , and [I]0-i wonder how many [people]406-people get to see this part of [his]284-this man personality . “ [You]0-i should be ; [I]74-tristan ’m very impressed . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan gets into bed beside [me]0-i and pulls [me]0-i into [his]74-tristan arms , and [I]0-i put [my]0-i head on [his]74-tristan chest . “ And before [you]0-i kick [me]74-tristan out in two hours , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says , “ [I]74-tristan have the morning off , so [I]74-tristan ’m staying in this bed until [everyone]382-everyone has already left for the conference , and then [I]74-tristan will leave . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [my]0-i temple . “ But if [you]74-tristan ’re still [here]3039-here , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i whisper , “ how will [I]74-tristan sneak in [[my]74-tristan other conference lover]3235-my other conference lover for a prebreakfast nooky ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan reaches down and twists [my]0-i nipple hard . “ Shut up , or [I]74-tristan ’m going to fuck [you]0-i into a coma . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i burst out laughing as [I]0-i try to escape [his]74-tristan grip . “ [You]74-tristan already did that . ”[0-i] “ [I]601-the group ’m going to do it again . ”[601-the group] [The group]601-the group laughs at something [the lecturer]697-the lecturer says as [he]697-the lecturer walks around [the room]370-the room . It ’s three o’clock in the afternoon , and [I]0-i hate to admit it , but [Marley]77-marley was right : this conference was exactly what [I]0-i needed . [I]0-i feel refreshed and energized , and of course , that could have a lot to do with [the nocturnal company [I]0-i ’m keeping]733-the nocturnal company i ’m keeping , but whatever it is , it ’s worked . [I]0-i ’ve achieved what [we]601-the group set out to find — a clean and uncluttered mind . Ready to focus and tackle the next six months . [I]0-i ’m even considering signing up for next year ’s conference as an early bird to get the pricing discount . “ Hello . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan ’s voice comes from the side of [the room]370-the room . In surprise [we]601-the group all turn toward [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan ’s wearing a light - blue suit , a white shirt with a paisley tie , and expensive brown shoes , and [his]74-tristan hair is perfectly styled . [I]0-i want to beam a big smile at [him]74-tristan , but [I]0-i pretend not to care . “ [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles , ”[697-the lecturer] [the lecturer]697-the lecturer says in greeting . “ Sorry to interrupt ; [I]74-tristan just came to say goodbye , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan replies , addressing [the group]601-the group . [I]0-i glance toward the door and see [his]74-tristan black leather suitcase and suit bag waiting for [him]74-tristan . What ? [He]74-tristan ’s leaving ? [He]74-tristan walks to the center of [the room]370-the room . “ [I]74-tristan have an unexpected meeting in [Paris]6-paris that [I]74-tristan have to attend , so this is it from [me]74-tristan . [[My]74-tristan flight]3236-my flight leaves in a few hours . [I]74-tristan ’m on [my]74-tristan way to [the airport]3237-the airport . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles as [he]74-tristan looks around at [everyone]382-everyone . What ? “ Congratulations on what [you]382-everyone have all achieved this week , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan continues . “ [You]382-everyone should be very proud of [yourself]382-everyone for putting [yourself]382-everyone out there and attending this conference . Success does n’t just happen ; it is a mind - set . And [I]74-tristan urge [you]382-everyone to put into practice what [you]382-everyone have learned and stop and take the time to celebrate the small victories along the way . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan hands in [his]74-tristan suit pockets , and [he]74-tristan walks across [the stage]449-the stage . “ [You]382-everyone only get one life . So [you]382-everyone need to grab it with both hands . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan eyes scan [everyone in [the room]370-the room]467-everyone in the room as [he]74-tristan addresses [us]742-us , and [I]0-i wait for [them]467-everyone in the room to come [my]0-i way . Look at [me]0-i . “ Put [your]382-everyone hands together for [Tristan Miles]74-tristan , ”[697-the lecturer] [the lecturer]697-the lecturer says . “ [He]74-tristan ’s [a very busy man]3238-a very busy man , and for [him]74-tristan to donate a week of [his]74-tristan time is almost unheard of in [the corporate world]3239-the corporate world . Thank [you]382-everyone , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[697-the lecturer] [Everyone]382-everyone claps , and [he]74-tristan does a demure bow . [My]0-i heart begins to race into a panic . [He]74-tristan ’s going . Look at [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan holds [his]74-tristan hands up and claps with [the crowd]433-the crowd and then turns toward the door and takes [his]74-tristan suitcase . After one last wave , [he]74-tristan leaves without looking back . [I]0-i stare at the door [he]74-tristan has just left through . Not even a goodbye ? [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head . [Fuck]110-fuck . [I]0-i know that [I]0-i should have expected this from [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i knew [he]74-tristan was [a cold , soul - sucking jerk]746-a cold , soul - sucking jerk , and yet somehow [I]0-i ’d convinced [myself]0-i that [I]0-i was wrong about [him]74-tristan . Seems not . “ Let ’s discuss the theory that was bought up this morning , shall [we]3240-we ? ”[697-the lecturer] [the lecturer]697-the lecturer calls . [I]0-i want to run out there and tell [him]74-tristan off for being so insensitive . But [I]0-i wo n’t . [My]0-i dignity will not allow it . Like a slap in the face , [I]0-i ’m instantly reminded of who [Tristan]74-tristan really is and why [I]0-i ’ve kept [him]74-tristan at arm ’s length . [I]0-i knew this about [him]74-tristan ; [I]0-i knew all along [he]74-tristan was [a cold womanizer]748-a cold womanizer , but for some reason [my]0-i mind did n’t reconcile it with [the man [I]0-i ’ve slept with]749-the man i ’ve slept with . It does n’t make [me]0-i feel any better about last night . [I]0-i turn [my]0-i attention to the window and stare outside at the trees blowing in the wind . [I]0-i feel . . . like a number , decidedly cheap . It ’s ten o’clock before [I]0-i head back to [[my]0-i room]3158-my room . [I]0-i trudge up [the corridor]573-the corridor . [My]0-i feet are sore , and [I]0-i am looking forward to a long hot shower . [We]752-we went for a drink after the day ’s events , and that turned into dinner . [They]753-they ’re all still going , but [I]0-i ’m not really in the mood . Welcome to the world of casual sex , [Claire]81-claire , where the only rule is there are no rules . [I]0-i swipe [my]0-i key and walk into [[my]0-i room]3158-my room and frown . A huge bunch of red roses sits on the table , a small white card carefully pinned on the red ribbon . [ANDERSON]81-claire [My]0-i heart races as [I]0-i read — it ’s from [him]755-him . [I]0-i nervously open the card . [WE]752-we HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS . COME TO [PARIS]6-paris FOR THE WEEKEND . xoxoxox “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [I]0-i plop down on the bed and stare at the card in [my]0-i hand . This is not what [I]0-i was expecting at all . After mentally throwing daggers at [him]755-him all day , this is a huge surprise . [I]0-i read the card again as [I]0-i consider [his]755-him proposal . [I]0-i ca n’t go to fucking [Paris]6-paris . [I]0-i have to get [home]341-home to [the kids]3077-the kids . [I]0-i get a vision of spending three days in [[a city]758-a city [I]0-i ’ve always dreamed of visiting . . . alone with [him]755-him]759-a city i ’ve always dreamed of visiting . . . alone with him . . . it could be so fun . Damn it . . . [I]0-i want to go . [I]0-i just ca n’t . Stop it , [Claire]81-claire ; it is what it is . [I]0-i exhale heavily and make [myself]0-i a cup of tea . [My]0-i phone beeps with a text . It ’s from [Tristan]74-tristan . Are [you]74-tristan back in [[your]74-tristan room]3203-your room yet ? [I]0-i smile softly and put the phone down on the coffee table . [He]74-tristan ’s expecting [me]0-i to call [him]74-tristan to say thank [you]74-tristan . [I]0-i go to the flowers and stare at them . [I]0-i touch the petals — the flowers have huge heads and a strong perfume . French roses . [I]0-i inhale the beautiful scent . So unexpected . Well played , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . Well played . [I]0-i decide to check on [the kids]3077-the kids , and [I]0-i call [[my]0-i mother]762-my mother . “ Hello , [dear]3179-dear . ”[762-my mother] [I]0-i can hear [her]762-my mother smile down the phone . “ Hi , [Mom]123-mom . How are [you]0-i surviving ? ”[762-my mother] “ Oh , [we]3242-we ’re having a great time . How are [you]0-i ? ”[762-my mother] “ Good . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pace back and forth . [I]0-i am filled with nervous energy . “ Are [the kids]3077-the kids [home]341-home ? ”[0-i] “ No , [they]3077-the kids ’re all at sports training . [They]3077-the kids ’ve been [angels]3245-angels . ”[762-my mother] “ Listen , [Mom]123-mom . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes close . What the hell am [I]0-i doing ? “ [I]0-i ’ve been offered an extension conference in [Paris]6-paris for the weekend . ”[0-i] [I]0-i scrunch [my]0-i hand up in [my]0-i hair . “ But [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i ’ll go , ”[0-i] [I]0-i add . “ Why not ? ”[0-i] “ It ’s a bit much to ask of [you]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Oh no . Go , [honey]3091-honey . [The boys]3247-the boys and [I]0-i are having a great time . It ’s no difference to [me]0-i when [you]3091-honey get [home]341-home . ”[0-i] “ Really ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Yes , [I]0-i ’m loving the quality time [I]0-i ’m getting with [the boys]3247-the boys . Let off some steam and have some fun , [Claire]81-claire . If [anyone]393-anyone deserves it , it ’s [you]3091-honey . ”[0-i] “ But what about [Patrick]93-patrick ? [He]93-patrick ’ll be fretting . ”[0-i] “ [He]93-patrick ’s fine and happy , [Claire]93-patrick , and , [I]0-i hate to say it , not missing [you]93-patrick at all . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile as hope blooms in [my]0-i chest . “ Are [you]93-patrick sure ? ”[0-i] “ Positive . ”[0-i] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause as [my]0-i mind wanders off on a million tangents . “ [I]0-i ’ll think about it . [I]0-i ’ll let [you]93-patrick know tomorrow ; is that okay ? ”[0-i] “ Of course . It must be late there . Get some sleep , and call [me]0-i tomorrow . But [I]0-i say go for it . [Paris]6-paris is beautiful , and [you]93-patrick ’ve never been . ”[0-i] “ Maybe . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ Goodbye . ”[0-i] [She]763-she hangs up . In a daze [I]0-i walk into [the bathroom]584-the bathroom and run the hot water . [I]0-i need a hot bath to think about this . An hour later [I]0-i sit forward and turn the tap off once more . [I]0-i fill the bath up , let it cool down , let some water out , and repeat the process . [My]0-i mind is ticking at a million miles per minute . [Tristan]74-tristan is [a soul - sucking bastard who left without even a goodbye]765-a soul - sucking bastard who left without even a goodbye . But then . . . [he]74-tristan sent roses . But [I]0-i do n’t want roses , because that ’s not who [we]766-we are . . . but maybe [he]74-tristan was just being nice because [he]74-tristan could n’t say goodbye properly ? [He]74-tristan ’s [a bastard]767-a bastard . . . but [he]74-tristan ’s [a fun bastard]768-a fun bastard . Or maybe that was just an act , and [I]0-i fell for it hook , line , and sinker . Oh God , [I]0-i ’m so confused . If [I]0-i go to [Paris]6-paris , [I]0-i ’m guaranteed laughter and fun . If [I]0-i do n’t go , there ’s no chance of [me]0-i getting attached to [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan ’s [a player]769-a player . [He]74-tristan probably has [ten girlfriends]770-ten girlfriends . [He]74-tristan is not [the kind of man [you]772-you get attached to]771-the kind of man you get attached to . But [he]74-tristan ’s so fun . Over the last two nights [we]773-we have laughed and laughed , and it felt good , even if [I]0-i knew it was only temporary — just in that moment , it felt really good . There ’s absolutely no chance of a future or anything ; [I]0-i already know that . [We]773-we ’re from two different worlds . Am [I]0-i okay to spend a weekend with [someone]3143-someone knowing that ? [I]0-i think on it for a moment . [I]0-i ’ve had enough heartache . Maybe it ’s time to throw caution to the wind . Maybe it ’s time to just . . . no , it ’s just safer not to go . [I]0-i mean , what ’s the point ? Why prolong what was only a one - night thing ? [We]773-we already extended it to two nights . That ’s enough . [My]0-i phone rings , and the name [Tristan]74-tristan lights up the screen . Oh fuck . [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes and answer . “ Hello . ”[0-i] “ [Anderson]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] A broad smile crosses [my]0-i face just at the sound of [his]74-tristan voice . “ What do [you]74-tristan want ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i tease . [He]74-tristan chuckles . “ [I]74-tristan ’m calling to see if [you]0-i got [my]74-tristan gift in [[your]0-i room]3203-your room . ”[74-tristan] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk . “ [I]0-i have n’t ; [I]0-i ’m in [[Nelson]114-nelson ’s room]3252-nelson ’s room . ”[0-i] “ What the fuck ? [You]0-i better not be . ”[74-tristan] It ’s loud where [he]74-tristan is , like [a bar]775-a bar or something . [I]0-i giggle . “ They ’re lovely . ”[0-i] “ So ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks . “ So what ? ”[74-tristan] “ Come to [Paris]6-paris . Spend the weekend with [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stay silent . “ It ’s [one of [[my]0-i favorite cities]3254-my favorite cities]3253-one of my favorite cities . [I]0-i can show [you]74-tristan around . [We]3255-we can go sightseeing . ”[0-i] “ [I]74-tristan thought [you]74-tristan were working ? ”[74-tristan] “ Only tomorrow morning . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hear ice tumble into a glass . “ Where are [you]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ At [the hotel bar]3256-the hotel bar . ”[0-i] “ Trolling for [[your]74-tristan next victim]3257-your next victim ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i tease . “ [Nobody here]3258-nobody here has what [I]0-i want . ”[0-i] [I]0-i bite [my]0-i lip as [I]0-i listen to [him]776-you . “ [You]776-you have what [I]776-you want , [Claire]81-claire . ”[776-you] “ [You]776-you ’re not going to get all sentimental and needy on [me]776-you , are [you]776-you ? ”[776-you] “ [I]776-you do n’t do sentimental and needy . ”[776-you] [He]776-you chuckles . “ Down and dirty is more [my]776-you thing . ”[776-you] [I]0-i smile goofily . “ [I]0-i do n’t know if [I]0-i can change [my]0-i flights . ”[0-i] “ [I]776-you ’ll organize [[our]3259-our jet]3260-our jet to pick [you]776-you up . ”[776-you] “ [You]776-you have [a plane]3261-a plane ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Company plane . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stay silent as [I]0-i think . “ Well ? ”[0-i] “ Thank [you]777-he for the roses , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper to change the subject . “ That ’s okay . [They]3262-they were being thrown out from reception , and [I]0-i did n’t want to waste them . [My]0-i good deed for the day . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile at [his]777-he appalling lie . “ Come on , [Anderson]81-claire ; do n’t make [me]0-i beg . ”[0-i] “ Fine . ”[0-i] “ Fine . . . as in it ’s a chore ? ”[777-he] [He]777-he scoffs . “ At least act enthusiastic . ”[777-he] “ [I]777-he ca n’t wait to spend the weekend underneath [you]0-i , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[777-he] [He]777-he laughs out loud . “ That [a girl]3263-a girl . [I]777-he ’ll call [you]0-i tomorrow with the flight times . ”[777-he] “ Okay . ”[0-i] “ Oh . . . and , [Claire]81-claire , ”[777-he] [he]777-he says , as if it ’s an afterthought . “ Yes . ”[777-he] “ Do [your]0-i Kegel exercises tonight . [I]0-i want that pussy nice and tight . ”[0-i] [I]0-i burst out laughing . “ [You]0-i are [an idiot]267-an idiot . ”[0-i] “ Takes one to know one . ”[777-he] “ Goodbye , [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . The phone goes dead . [I]0-i throw [my]0-i phone onto the stack of towels and put [my]0-i hands over [my]0-i mouth . [I]0-i was supposed to say no . Oh jeez , that did not go to plan . Chapter 7 [The plane]778-the plane pulls up to a slow halt on the tarmac at [the Paris airport]779-the paris airport , and [my]0-i nerves are at an all - time high . [I]0-i already know that this is the stupidest thing [I]0-i have ever done , and [I]0-i have n’t even done it yet . [Anastacia]124-anastacia , [the flight attendant]780-the flight attendant , smiles warmly . “ [I]124-anastacia hope [you]74-tristan had a good flight ? ”[124-anastacia] “ Yes . [I]0-i did , thank [you]124-anastacia . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look around to see if [I]0-i ’ve left anything . [The plane]778-the plane is , in one word , ridiculous . Luxurious on all fronts , and if [I]0-i had forgotten for one moment who [Tristan]74-tristan is , [I]0-i have been promptly reminded . A Miles . [Heir to [the most successful media empire]783-the most successful media empire and from [one of the wealthiest families in [the world]259-the world]784-one of the wealthiest families in the world]782-heir to the most successful media empire and from one of the wealthiest families in the world . And a week ago . . . [I]0-i hated [his]74-tristan guts . . . and maybe [I]0-i still do . But there ’s something about [him]74-tristan that makes [me]0-i want more . [I]0-i feel foolish being here . All it took was a few jokes and a little pity , and [I]0-i fell into [his]74-tristan arms and did the unthinkable . If [I]0-i wanted a future with [him]74-tristan , [I]0-i would leave and play a little hard to get . But [I]0-i do n’t . [I]0-i know what this is — one weekend away from routine , a sleazy conference encounter . And that ’s okay with [me]0-i . The reality of the situation is actually more than fine . It ’s a relief . [I]0-i do n’t have to impress [him]74-tristan , [I]0-i do n’t have to believe anything [he]74-tristan says , and [I]0-i most definitely do n’t have to pretend to be [someone [I]0-i ’m not]786-someone i ’m not . [He]74-tristan ’s fun and comfortable , and surprisingly [he]74-tristan fits like an old shoe . [His]74-tristan sexual prowess is just an added bonus . [My]0-i stomach drops as a wave of guilt runs through [me]0-i for being [here]3039-here , for being sexually active with [another man]531-another man . For loving every hard inch of [him]74-tristan and then craving more . It was supposed to be just one night . [I]0-i think back to what [Marley]77-marley said to [me]0-i before [I]0-i left . Should n’t [I]0-i be living life for [Wade]85-wade and [me]0-i ? If it were [me]0-i who ’d died , [I]0-i would never want [Wade]85-wade to be untouched and unhappy . [I]0-i would want [him]85-wade to be happy and fulfilled as [a man]280-a man . After [we]790-we go [home]341-home to [New York]5-new york on Sunday night , [Tristan]74-tristan and [I]0-i will never see [each other]286-each other again , and [I]0-i can go [home]341-home reinvigorated with enough sex in the tank to last [me]0-i another five years . To be honest , [I]0-i ’m kind of proud that [I]0-i ’m doing something for [myself]0-i for once . This is so unlike [me]0-i . “ [The car]371-the car is waiting for [you]0-i , [Mrs. Anderson]81-claire , ”[124-anastacia] [Anastacia]124-anastacia says . “ Thank [you]0-i . ”[124-anastacia] [I]0-i walk down [the stairs]290-the stairs and out onto [the tarmac]795-the tarmac . [A black car]796-a black car is waiting . [The driver]376-the driver smiles and opens the car door . “ [Merci]125-merci , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i get in . [He]376-the driver goes around to [the driver]376-the driver ’s side , gets in , and pulls out . [Tristan]74-tristan called earlier , and [he]74-tristan could n’t pick [me]0-i up because [his]74-tristan meeting ran late . [He]74-tristan ’s meeting [me]0-i at [the hotel]612-the hotel . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i think back to taking [his]74-tristan call when [I]0-i was sitting with [[his]74-tristan groupies]565-his groupies , and [none of [them]565-his groupies]801-none of them had any idea that [he]74-tristan and [I]0-i had hooked up . It all feels so naughty . So not who [I]0-i am . [I]0-i clutch [my]0-i handbag on [my]0-i lap with white - knuckle force . [My]0-i breath quivers as [I]0-i try to calm [myself]0-i down . This is the craziest , most spontaneous thing [I]0-i ’ve ever done . Half an hour later [we]802-we pull into [the hotel]612-the hotel , and [I]0-i peer out the window at the sign . [FOUR SEASONS HOTEL GEORGE V Jeez]14-four seasons hotel george v jeez , looks fancy . “ Arrived safely . ”[376-the driver] [The driver]376-the driver smiles over at [me]0-i . [I]0-i take [my]0-i purse from [my]0-i bag . “ No , no , it ’s all taken care of , ”[376-the driver] [he]376-the driver says as [he]376-the driver gets out of [the car]371-the car . [He]376-the driver retrieves [my]0-i suitcase from the trunk and wheels it up to [the doorman]806-the doorman . [He]376-the driver introduces [me]0-i . “ [Mrs. Anderson]81-claire . ”[376-the driver] [The man in a white doorman uniform]807-the man in a white doorman uniform smiles and nods . “ This way , [Mrs. Anderson]81-claire , ”[376-the driver] [he]376-the driver says . “ [Merci]125-merci , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say to [[my]0-i driver]373-my driver as [he]376-the driver returns to [[his]376-the driver car]809-his car . “ Au revoir , ”[376-the driver] [he]376-the driver calls . [The man]680-the man leads [me]0-i to the reception desk , and [I]0-i look around . Everything is beige marble , and big exotic artwork lines the walls . Huge vases of pink fresh flowers are everywhere , and [I]0-i mean everywhere . It looks like [an over - the - top wedding venue]811-an over - the - top wedding venue . “ May [I]812-the lady at reception help [you]0-i ? ”[812-the lady at reception] [the lady at reception]812-the lady at reception asks . “ Yes . [I]812-the lady at reception ’m here to see [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . ”[812-the lady at reception] [I]0-i clutch [my]0-i bag . [She]812-the lady at reception types into [her]812-the lady at reception computer . “ [Your]0-i name , please ? ”[812-the lady at reception] “ [Claire Anderson]81-claire . ”[812-the lady at reception] “ Yes , ”[812-the lady at reception] [she]812-the lady at reception replies . “ [He]74-tristan ’s expecting [you]0-i . Do [you]0-i have identification , please ? ”[812-the lady at reception] [I]0-i pass over [my]0-i license , and [she]812-the lady at reception studies it and types [my]0-i license number into the computer . [She]812-the lady at reception passes [me]0-i a key . “ [You]0-i are in [the Eiffel Tower Suite]3266-the eiffel tower suite on level seven , ”[812-the lady at reception] [she]812-the lady at reception says . “ [We]3267-we can take [you]0-i up if [you]0-i would like ? ”[812-the lady at reception] “ No , that ’s okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ [I]0-i can go [myself]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take [the elevator]571-the elevator to [level seven]814-level seven . Frigging hell , [this hotel]815-this hotel is next level . Even [the damn elevator]816-the damn elevator is fancy . [I]0-i let out a low , deep breath . [I]0-i ’m suddenly nervous . [I]0-i fix [my]0-i hair in the mirror , and the doors slide open . Holy hell . Lush carpet , chandeliers , and insane luxury . . . and this is just [the corridor]573-the corridor . [I]0-i walk down until [I]0-i get to the room number on the key . Do [I]0-i knock ? No . Just go in . [I]0-i swipe [my]0-i key and am hit in the face with a visual sensation . [I]0-i feel the blood drain from [my]0-i face . It ’s huge — not [a room]818-a room at all . [A whole apartment of over - the - top wealth]819-a whole apartment of over - the - top wealth . [A perfectly decorated beautiful space of creams and whites]820-a perfectly decorated beautiful space of creams and whites , with french doors going out onto [a terrace that overlooks [the Eiffel Tower]822-the eiffel tower]821-a terrace that overlooks the eiffel tower . It ’s like a movie , only better . Holy . . . hell . Huge silver - gilded mirrors hang on the walls , and there are white lounges . . . white ? How the heck do [they]823-they keep white lounges clean ? [I]0-i look around nervously . “ Hello ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . [I]0-i can hear talking out on [the terrace]824-the terrace , so [I]0-i put [my]0-i handbag down and walk to the door . White overlong drapes hang on the french doors . “ Nous devons obtenir une réponse à ce sujet puis - je advancer a ce sujet cette semaine , ”[0-i] [I]0-i hear . [I]0-i peer out . [Tristan]74-tristan is on the phone out on [the balcony]281-the balcony . . . speaking French . What the heck ? Well , [I]0-i guess French is among the five languages [he]74-tristan supposedly speaks . [He]74-tristan glances up and catches sight of [me]0-i and gives [me]0-i a breathtaking smile . [He]74-tristan holds one finger up to signify [he]74-tristan will be just a minute . [I]0-i get a flashback of the first day [I]0-i met [him]74-tristan , looking perfect in [his]74-tristan expensive suit and pacing with [his]74-tristan hand in [his]74-tristan trouser pocket as [he]74-tristan speaks on the phone . Déjà vu . [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head as [I]0-i remember that [I]0-i do n’t like who [he]74-tristan is and what [he]74-tristan does for a living . God , [Claire]81-claire . . . what are [you]81-claire doing ? Could n’t [you]81-claire have found [somebody else]826-somebody else to get back in the game with ? “ Je dois conclure , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says to whomever [he]74-tristan ’s speaking to . [He]74-tristan smiles as [he]74-tristan watches [me]0-i and gives [me]0-i a sexy wink . “ One moment , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mouths . [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes as [I]0-i act impatient , but [I]0-i ’m not really . [I]0-i could listen to [him]74-tristan speak French all day . “ Come on , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mouth back . “ [Malade]126-malade , je vais vous envoyer un message dans la matinée . Je vais avoir besoin du rapport d’ici lundi s’il vous plait , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says in [his]74-tristan deep sexy voice . “ Hurry , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i mouth to tease [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan bites [his]74-tristan bottom lip to stop [his]74-tristan smile and holds up [his]74-tristan hand to signify that [he]74-tristan ’s going to smack [me]0-i . “ Promises , promises , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mouth back . [He]74-tristan walks past [me]0-i into [the apartment]827-the apartment . “ Oui , s’il vous plait , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says . [He]74-tristan reappears with an ice bucket and a bottle of champagne with two champagne flutes . [He]74-tristan holds the phone to [his]74-tristan ear with [his]74-tristan shoulder as [he]74-tristan pops the cork and fills the two glasses . [He]74-tristan leans in and kisses [me]0-i softly and then hands [me]0-i a glass of champagne . “ Thank [you]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mouth . [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i again , as if unable to stop , and [I]0-i can hear [the other person]828-the other person , [a woman]417-a woman , speaking a million miles a minute to [him]74-tristan in French . “ Who is it ? ”[417-a woman] [I]0-i frown . “ [[My]74-tristan PA]3268-my pa , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mouths . [He]74-tristan moves [his]74-tristan head from side to side , as if [she]417-a woman is taking too long to say what [she]417-a woman ’s saying . “ Oui , [oui]3269-oui , nous en parlerons lundi . Je dois y aller . Au revoir , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan replies . [He]74-tristan listens as [she]417-a woman keeps speaking , and [he]74-tristan rolls [his]74-tristan eyes impatiently . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i sip [my]0-i champagne . The cool , crisp taste dances on [my]0-i tongue . Oh yeah . [I]0-i eye the glass of bubbles — this is the good stuff . “ Okay , je dois y aller . Passer un bon week - end , au revoir , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says . [He]74-tristan hangs up and then turns [his]74-tristan phone off and turns toward [me]0-i . “ About time . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk . [He]74-tristan takes [me]0-i into [his]74-tristan arms . “ [Anderson]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles down at [me]0-i as [he]74-tristan pumps [my]0-i hips into [his]74-tristan . “ Fancy seeing [you]0-i [here]3039-here . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile goofily up at [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan towers above [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan must be six foot three at least . [His]74-tristan dark hair is messed to perfection , and [his]74-tristan lips are a perfect shade of come fuck [me]0-i . “ Well , [I]0-i felt sorry for [you]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ This is a pity date . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look around at [the grand apartment]830-the grand apartment . “ Not sure if [I]74-tristan can spend the whole weekend in [this dump]3271-this dump , though . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan chuckles . “ [I]74-tristan do love [your]0-i smart - ass mouth . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pumps [me]0-i with [his]74-tristan hips once more . “ [I]74-tristan may have to fuck it later . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i giggle as [he]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i again . This one has a little tongue , and it ’s as if [he]74-tristan ’s licking [me]0-i there . . . [my]0-i entire insides clench in appreciation . [He]74-tristan steps back and holds out [his]74-tristan hand to [the Eiffel Tower]822-the eiffel tower . “ Welcome to [Paris]6-paris . ”[74-tristan] “ Oui , oui . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . [He]74-tristan pulls out a chair and sits at the table . [He]74-tristan refills [my]0-i glass . “ How was [your]74-tristan flight ? ”[74-tristan] “ Good . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown as a thought runs through [my]0-i mind . “ [You]74-tristan have [a French PA]3272-a french pa ? ”[0-i] “ Yes . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan shrugs casually . “ [I]74-tristan spend a lot of time [here]3039-here . ”[74-tristan] “ How much ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan scratches [his]74-tristan head as [he]74-tristan thinks . “ Maybe four or five months a year , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan replies casually , as if this is no big deal . “ [You]74-tristan live [here]3039-here for a third of the year ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i ask in surprise . “ Yeah . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sips [his]74-tristan champagne . “ [[My]74-tristan brothers]3275-my brothers [Elliot]127-elliot and [Christopher]128-christopher and [I]74-tristan share the operations of [the French , English , and [German offices]3277-german offices]3276-the french , english , and german offices . [We]3275-my brothers take turns so that one of [us]3275-my brothers is always at [each place]3278-each place . ”[74-tristan] “ Why do n’t [you]74-tristan just take [one office each]3279-one office each ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Because then”—he[74-tristan] sips [his]74-tristan wine—“we would all live alone on [the other side of [the world]259-the world]618-the other side of the world from [one another]3282-one another . This way , [we]3275-my brothers ’re all doing the same job and sharing the responsibilities and see [each other]286-each other and talk all the time . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan ’re close to [[your]74-tristan brothers]3284-your brothers ? ”[74-tristan] “ Yes . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan frowns , as if that ’s a weird question . “ [They]3284-your brothers ’re [[my]74-tristan best friends]3285-my best friends . [We]3275-my brothers ’ve been alone together for a long time . ”[74-tristan] “ Alone ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i repeat . “ [I]0-i thought [[your]74-tristan parents]3286-your parents were still alive ? ”[0-i] “ Oh , [they]3286-your parents are . But [I]74-tristan mean . . . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pauses , as if contemplating [his]74-tristan answer . “ [We]3275-my brothers went to [boarding school together overseas]3287-boarding school together overseas from a young age . [We]3275-my brothers shared [a room]818-a room , and it has mostly always been just [the four of [us]3275-my brothers]3289-the four of us . ”[74-tristan] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i wine , and [I]0-i find [myself]0-i wanting to ask a million questions about [his]74-tristan formative years . “ How come [you]74-tristan went to [boarding school]3290-boarding school ? ”[0-i] “ For the languages . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan shrugs . “ Among other things . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan are all multilingual ? ”[0-i] “ Yes . [We]3275-my brothers need to be in this business . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan exhales deeply as [he]74-tristan stares out over the view . “ [We]3275-my brothers ’ve always been in training to take over [Miles Media]78-miles media . There was never a time when [we]3275-my brothers were . . . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan voice trails off , as if [he]74-tristan ’s cut [himself]74-tristan short . [He]74-tristan seems uncomfortable with the topic . “ Well , that makes sense , then , ”[0-i] [I]0-i interrupt . “ What does ? ”[0-i] “ Why [you]74-tristan ’re such [a dirty - talking cad]3291-a dirty - talking cad . [You]74-tristan had no discipline as [a child]3292-a child . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles . “ [I]74-tristan bet [you]74-tristan were all fucking [[your]74-tristan governesses]3293-your governesses in [boarding school]3290-boarding school . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan head back and laughs out loud . “ [Jameson]113-jameson was , actually , come to think of it . ”[74-tristan] “ Really ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i gasp . [Jameson]113-jameson is [[his]74-tristan older brother]832-his older brother and [the CEO of [Miles Media]78-miles media]833-the ceo of miles media . [We]834-we both laugh , and [his]74-tristan eyes linger on [my]0-i face . “ So now that [you]74-tristan have [me]0-i here , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles , what are [you]74-tristan going to do with [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Hmm . ”[0-i] [His]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ The possibilities are endless , really . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ [You]74-tristan have three options , [Anderson]81-claire . ”[0-i] “ Yes . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan can get [your]74-tristan smart - ass mouth fucked . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . That sounds pretty good , actually . “ Or [you]74-tristan can bend over , and [I]0-i ’ll give [my]0-i own version of the [Eiffel Tower]17-eiffel tower . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . [He]74-tristan ’s so ridiculous . Where does [he]74-tristan come up with this stuff ? “ Or”—he[74-tristan] sips [his]74-tristan drink and casually shrugs—“I suppose [I]74-tristan could take [you]74-tristan out for dinner and dancing or something equally boring . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile over at [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan raises a sexy eyebrow . “ Well ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i narrow [my]0-i eyes as [I]0-i fake concentration . “ [I]74-tristan ’ll take dinner and dancing , thank [you]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan rolls [his]74-tristan eyes . “ Ugh , [I]74-tristan knew [you]74-tristan were going to pick that one . [You]74-tristan ’re boring . Why would [you]74-tristan want to dance when [you]74-tristan have the opportunity to suck [my]74-tristan dick ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i laugh , loud and free . The conversations [I]0-i have with [this man]284-this man kill [me]0-i . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smirks . [I]0-i stare at [his]74-tristan beautiful face for a moment . “ [Tristan Miles]74-tristan , [I]0-i have never met anyone quite like [you]74-tristan . ”[0-i] “ Ditto . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan holds [his]74-tristan glass up . “ A toast . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i take a big gulp of [my]0-i champagne and touch [my]0-i glass with [his]74-tristan . “ To swallowing [semen]3295-semen , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says . What the hell ? [I]0-i snort and spit [my]0-i drink out , and it spurts all over the table as [I]0-i laugh out loud . “ [You]0-i ’re head obsessed today . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sits back in [his]74-tristan chair ; [his]74-tristan eyes are alight with mischief . “ That ’s because [I]74-tristan ca n’t stop thinking about it . ”[74-tristan] “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i lean forward in [my]0-i chair . [He]74-tristan leans forward , too , mimicking [me]0-i . “ Yes , [Claire]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] “ Be [a good boy]3296-a good boy , and [you]81-claire might get what [you]81-claire want . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles darkly . “ Or be [a bad boy]3297-a bad boy , and take it anyway . ”[74-tristan] The air crackles between [us]836-we ; [our]836-we eyes are locked , and nerves flutter deep in [my]0-i stomach . [I]0-i think those two lines just summed up the entirety of [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . [I]0-i can kid [myself]0-i all [I]0-i want about being in charge . [We]836-we both know [I]0-i ’m not . [Tristan]74-tristan [We]836-we ’re in [a busy and bustling restaurant]837-a busy and bustling restaurant . It ’s late , after one o’clock in the morning , and [we]836-we are sitting side by side at the bar . The mood of [the place]838-the place is loud and jovial , and music is piped throughout [the space]839-the space . [We]836-we ’ve had dinner , and [I]0-i have n’t laughed this much since [I]0-i do n’t know when . [Claire Anderson]81-claire is fucking hilarious . [She]81-claire ’s tipsy and relaxing more and more by the minute . [I]0-i like [her]81-claire like this . [I]0-i mean , [I]0-i like [her]81-claire anyway , but [she]81-claire is at [her]81-claire best when [her]81-claire defenses are down . [She]81-claire ’s wearing a fitted black dress with spaghetti straps and stilettoes . [Her]81-claire thick shoulder - length dark hair is down , and [she]81-claire ’s wearing minimal makeup . [She]81-claire has no idea how fucking sexy [she]81-claire is . It ’s the weirdest thing — [she]81-claire ’s everything that [I]0-i ’ve never found attractive before . And [I]0-i do n’t even know what it is about [her]81-claire , but [I]0-i find [myself]0-i hanging on [her]81-claire every word . “ Tell [me]81-claire . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire smiles as [she]81-claire takes [my]0-i hand in [hers]81-claire . “ How are [you]81-claire still single ? ”[81-claire] [I]0-i smile and pick up [our]840-our hands and bring them to [my]0-i mouth . [I]0-i kiss [hers]81-claire and then shrug . “ How old are [you]81-claire ? ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire frowns . “ How old do [you]81-claire want [me]81-claire to be ? ”[81-claire] “ [You]81-claire only say that if [you]81-claire ’re [a prostitute]3298-a prostitute . ”[0-i] [I]0-i widen [my]0-i eyes . “ How do [you]81-claire know [I]0-i ’m not ? How do [you]81-claire know that [Marley]77-marley has n’t paid [me]0-i to seduce [you]81-claire ? ”[0-i] [Her]81-claire lips twist as [she]81-claire fights a smile . “ How much is [she]77-marley paying [you]0-i ? ”[81-claire] “ There is n’t enough money in [the world]259-the world . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk into [my]0-i glass as [I]0-i take a sip . “ Keeping [you]81-claire satisfied is a dirty job . [I]0-i bit off more than [I]0-i can chew . [I]0-i ’m demanding a pay raise . ”[0-i] [The woman at the bar beside [us]842-us]841-the woman at the bar beside us looks at [me]0-i and then turns to [the bar]533-the bar , as if revolted . [My]0-i eyes widen . [She]841-the woman at the bar beside us heard [me]0-i . [Claire]81-claire tips [her]81-claire head back and laughs out loud . [I]0-i tap [the woman]522-the woman on the arm . “ [She]841-the woman at the bar beside us ’s not paying [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [I]0-i ’m seducing [her]841-the woman at the bar beside us for free . ”[0-i] [I]0-i cross [my]0-i fingers on [my]0-i chest . “ And [I]0-i ’m not chewing . It ’s all licking . ”[0-i] [Claire]81-claire really loses it and laughs hard , and [I]0-i find [myself]0-i laughing too . [I]0-i fall serious and watch [her]81-claire laugh for a moment , because what [I]0-i told [the woman]522-the woman is not even true . [Claire Anderson]81-claire is seducing [me]0-i . “ Answer [my]81-claire question , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire says . “ [I]81-claire ’m thirty - four . ”[81-claire] “ And [you]0-i ’re still single ? ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire frowns as [she]81-claire contemplates [my]0-i age . “ How is that possible ? ”[81-claire] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i drink . “ [I]0-i do n’t know . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ [I]0-i ’ve had four serious relationships over the course of time . ”[0-i] “ And [they]3300-they did n’t work out ? ”[81-claire] “ Nope . ”[0-i] “ Why not ? ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i ’re very nosy , [Anderson]81-claire . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire giggles . “ [I]81-claire know . [You]81-claire ask [me]81-claire a question next . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i smile and clink [my]0-i glass with [hers]81-claire . “ [I]0-i ’ll start thinking of one now . ”[0-i] [I]0-i narrow [my]0-i eyes , as if concentrating . “ Well ? ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire prompts [me]0-i . “ Answer [my]81-claire question first . ”[81-claire] How do [I]0-i say this . . . [I]0-i ’m fucked up , and something is wrong with [me]0-i ? That [I]0-i ’ve been searching for something for years , but [I]0-i have no idea what it actually is ? Just tell [her]81-claire the easy version . “ [I]81-claire do n’t know , to be honest . [The girls [I]81-claire went out with]3301-the girls i went out with were all beautiful — perfect , actually . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire watches [me]0-i intently . “ But when push came to shove , [I]81-claire did n’t want to fight for it . ”[81-claire] “ Meaning what ? ”[81-claire] “ Well , as history repeats , [I]0-i seem to have a time limit for relationships . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile at [her]81-claire fascination . “ Like a use - by date . ”[0-i] “ A use - by date , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire scoffs . “ What does that mean ? How many times [you]0-i have sex with [them]3301-the girls i went out with ? ”[81-claire] [I]0-i laugh at the double meaning . “ No , not that . . . for God ’s sake . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire puts [her]81-claire hand on [my]0-i thigh . “ [I]81-claire seem to meet [someone]3143-someone , and then [we]3303-we fall into a routine and . . . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i pause . “ What ? ”[81-claire] “ [She]81-claire falls in love with [me]81-claire and wants to move in and have marriage and [babies]3304-babies , and [I]81-claire , for some reason , find something wrong with [her]81-claire and begin to back off . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire listens intently . “ [I]81-claire do n’t know what it is . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i drink . “ [I]81-claire do n’t know why [I]81-claire ’m like this . [The second girlfriend [I]81-claire had]3305-the second girlfriend i had was probably the one . [I]81-claire adored [her]81-claire . Was sad for years when [we]3306-we broke up . ”[81-claire] “ But [you]81-claire did n’t love [her]81-claire ? ”[81-claire] “ [I]0-i do n’t know . ”[0-i] [I]0-i put [my]0-i hand on top of [hers]81-claire on [my]0-i leg . “ So [she]81-claire left [you]81-claire ? ”[0-i] “ No . [I]81-claire left [her]81-claire . ”[81-claire] “ But if [you]81-claire were sad for years about it , why did n’t [you]81-claire just go back to [her]81-claire ? ”[0-i] “ [I]81-claire did n’t want to . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire frowns as [she]81-claire watches [me]0-i . “ [I]81-claire mean , what is love ? ”[81-claire] [I]0-i bite [my]0-i bottom lip as [I]0-i think ; how did [we]846-we get onto this deep subject ? “ [I]0-i mean , define being in love with [someone]3143-someone , [Anderson]81-claire . Because [I]0-i ca n’t ; for the life of [me]0-i [I]0-i ca n’t . ”[0-i] “ Well . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire thinks for a moment . “ [I]81-claire think it ’s just like having [a best friend who [you]0-i want to fuck]3308-a best friend who you want to fuck . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i smirk . “ That sounds pervy . ”[0-i] “ It is a bit . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire giggles . [I]0-i watch [her]81-claire for a moment . “ What was [[your]81-claire husband]3074-your husband like ? ”[0-i] [Her]81-claire shoulders instantly slump . “ [He]3074-your husband was . . . ”[81-claire] [Her]81-claire demeanor becomes sad . “ [He]3074-your husband was [a great man]3310-a great man . [Proud]129-proud . ”[81-claire] [Her]81-claire focus shifts from [me]0-i to a spot over [the bar]533-the bar . “ [I]0-i miss [him]3074-your husband every day . ”[0-i] [I]0-i squeeze [her]81-claire hand in [mine]0-i . “ What kind of wife were [you]81-claire ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [She]81-claire smiles at [my]0-i change of the subject . “ [I]81-claire was [a great wife]3311-a great wife . ”[81-claire] “ Really ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i fake shock . “ [I]81-claire find that hard to believe . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire laughs . “ Maybe just [an all right wife]3312-an all right wife . ”[81-claire] “ And [you]81-claire have [kids]3313-kids ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Uh - huh , [three boys]3075-three boys . ”[0-i] [I]0-i scrunch up [my]0-i nose . “ [I]0-i ca n’t actually believe that . ”[0-i] “ Why not ? ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire scoffs . “ [I]81-claire ’ve never been with anyone who has [kids]3313-kids before . ”[81-claire] “ What ? Never ? ”[0-i] “ Nope . ”[0-i] “ Why not ? ”[81-claire] “ [I]81-claire do n’t know . It ’s weird , come to think of it . [I]81-claire have [a very specific type of woman that [I]81-claire ’m attracted to]3316-a very specific type of woman that i ’m attracted to . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire laughs and holds [her]81-claire hands up in the air . “ Wait , let [me]81-claire guess . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i chuckle as [I]0-i hold [my]0-i hand up for another round of drinks . [I]0-i ’m feeling very inebriated . “ Please do . ”[0-i] “ Hot body . ”[0-i] [I]0-i tip [my]0-i glass in agreement . “ Young . ”[0-i] “ Affirmative . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire narrows [her]81-claire eyes at [me]0-i as [she]81-claire thinks . “ [I]81-claire ’m saying blonde . ”[81-claire] “ [You]81-claire ’re nailing [me]0-i here . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ Every time . ”[0-i] [Her]81-claire eyes dance with delight . “ So [she]81-claire has to be [a natural blonde with a hot body]3317-a natural blonde with a hot body and younger than [you]0-i . ”[81-claire] “ Pretty much . ”[81-claire] “ What else does [she]81-claire have to have ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i lips as [I]0-i think . “ [I]0-i like [trendy girls]3318-trendy girls . ”[0-i] “ [Trendy girls]3318-trendy girls , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire scoffs . “ What does that mean ? ”[81-claire] “ [I]0-i do n’t know why , but [I]0-i like [girls who are into fashion]3320-girls who are into fashion . ”[0-i] “ Like . . . [models]3321-models ? ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire frowns . “ No , not necessarily [models]3321-models , but girls who are into dressing nice and look after [themselves]3320-girls who are into fashion . ”[81-claire] “ Handbags . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk with a shrug . “ [You]0-i like [girls who look good on [your]0-i arm]3323-girls who look good on your arm . ”[0-i] “ Possibly . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle at [her]81-claire analogy . “ Why , what do [you]0-i like in [men]409-men ? ”[0-i] [She]81-claire raises [her]81-claire eyebrows as [she]81-claire thinks . “ [I]81-claire do n’t know . ”[81-claire] “ What do [you]0-i mean ? ”[81-claire] “ [I]0-i do n’t know what [I]0-i like . [I]0-i only had [two boyfriends]3325-two boyfriends before [Wade]85-wade and then . . . [you]81-claire . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile over at [her]81-claire . [I]0-i like that there ’s not many . “ And what did [you]0-i like about [me]81-claire ? ”[81-claire] “ Well . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire falls serious . “ [I]81-claire wanted to turn [you]0-i . ”[81-claire] “ Turn [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i take a big gulp of [my]0-i drink . “ Into what ? ”[0-i] “ [A motherfucker]3326-a motherfucker . ”[0-i] [I]0-i snort , and [my]0-i drink dribbles onto [my]0-i chin . “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i splutter . “ [I]0-i want to go down in the history books as [the woman who officially turned [Tristan Miles]74-tristan]3327-the woman who officially turned tristan miles into [a motherfucker]3326-a motherfucker . ”[0-i] [I]0-i laugh out loud as [I]0-i take a napkin and wipe [my]0-i face . [This woman]848-this woman is hilarious . [I]0-i grab [her]848-this woman in a headlock and nearly pull [her]848-this woman off [her]848-this woman chair . People around [us]849-us all watch [our]849-us drunken behavior . “ If [I]0-i had known how fun it was to fuck around with [an aged duck]3329-an aged duck , [I]0-i would have been doing it long ago , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper in [her]848-this woman ear . [She]848-this woman laughs and punches [me]0-i under [my]0-i coat and pulls out of [my]0-i grip . [She]848-this woman fixes [her]848-this woman hair in an overexaggerated way . “ [I]848-this woman ’ll have [you]0-i know [I]848-this woman ’m not even old , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[848-this woman] “ How old are [you]848-this woman ? ”[848-this woman] “ [I]0-i ’m thirty - eight . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ Only four years older than [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Why , how old did [you]848-this woman think [I]848-this woman was ? ”[848-this woman] “ At least”—I[0-i] smirk as [I]0-i think of a number—“sixty . ”[0-i] “ [Tristan]74-tristan ! ”[848-this woman] [she]848-this woman cries . [I]0-i grab the back of [her]848-this woman head and drag [her]848-this woman in to kiss [me]0-i . [She]848-this woman smiles against [my]0-i lips . “ Do n’t try and sweeten the last comment with those magic lips , ”[848-this woman] [she]848-this woman whispers . [I]0-i put [my]0-i mouth to [her]848-this woman ear so that [nobody else]850-nobody else can hear [me]0-i . “ What about [my]848-this woman magic tongue ? ”[848-this woman] [She]848-this woman smirks . “ Did [you]0-i know [I]848-this woman ’m good with [my]848-this woman tongue ? ”[848-this woman] [I]0-i nibble on [her]848-this woman ear , and [she]848-this woman giggles as [she]848-this woman tries to escape [me]0-i . What must [we]851-we look like to [other people]852-other people ? Carrying on like [teenagers]853-teenagers . “ [I]0-i am well aware of [your]848-this woman strengths , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hold [her]848-this woman face and kiss [her]848-this woman . [I]0-i completely lose focus on where [we]851-we are , and [my]0-i eyes close in pleasure . Oh , [this woman]848-this woman . . . [she]848-this woman makes [me]0-i forget everything and [everyone]382-everyone . When [I]0-i open [my]0-i eyes again , [I]0-i see [her]848-this woman smiling dreamily up at [me]0-i . “ What ’s that look for ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [She]848-this woman becomes thoughtful and cups [my]0-i face in [her]848-this woman hands . “ In all seriousness , [Tris]74-tristan , thank [you]74-tristan . ”[848-this woman] “ For what ? ”[848-this woman] “ For making [me]0-i remember what it feels like to laugh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile softly , and [we]851-we stare at [each other]286-each other for a moment . Suddenly [I]0-i ’m hit with an urgency to be alone with [her]848-this woman . “ Are [you]74-tristan ready to go [home]341-home , [Anderson]85-wade ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , [I]0-i am , [motherfucker]3331-motherfucker . ”[0-i] [I]0-i laugh out loud and pull [her]848-this woman from the stool . “ And just by chance , [you]74-tristan ’re [a mother]3332-a mother . How convenient . ”[0-i] Chapter 8 It ’s late , and [we]851-we ’ve been at it for hours . The arch of [Claire]81-claire ’s back as [she]81-claire lies beneath [me]0-i tells [me]0-i [she]81-claire ’s close . [I]0-i ’m wet with perspiration and holding [myself]0-i up on straight arms as [I]0-i drive [her]848-this woman into the mattress . [She]848-this woman whimpers beneath [me]0-i , and [I]0-i tip [my]0-i head back and close [my]0-i eyes in ecstasy . [Her]848-this woman wet body is rippling around [mine]0-i , sucking [me]0-i in , and the sound of skin slapping is echoing through [the room]370-the room . This is when [she]848-this woman ’s at [her]848-this woman best ; this is when [she]848-this woman has [me]0-i in the palm of [her]848-this woman hand . On an orgasm high , worn down , and unable to filter what [she]848-this woman says . Vulnerable and soft . “ [Tris]74-tristan , ”[848-this woman] [she]848-this woman whispers as [she]848-this woman reaches out to pull [me]0-i down to [her]848-this woman . “ [I]848-this woman need [you]74-tristan . ”[848-this woman] [Our]858-our lips crash together , and it ’s not just [my]0-i balls that are about to explode . It ’s [my]0-i fucking head — [this woman]848-this woman fries [my]0-i brain . [She]848-this woman clenches hard , and [we]858-our both moan as the wave of an orgasm crashes between [us]858-our . [She]848-this woman clings to [me]0-i as [we]858-our pant and half laugh ; [our]858-our heart rates race together . [I]0-i go to pull out , and [she]848-this woman clings to [me]0-i . “ No , [Tris]74-tristan , ”[848-this woman] [she]848-this woman whispers . “ Stay inside of [me]848-this woman . ”[848-this woman] “ Just let [me]0-i roll [you]848-this woman over , [baby]3208-baby . ”[0-i] [I]0-i kiss [her]848-this woman softly . “ [I]0-i ca n’t hold [myself]0-i up any longer . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pull out and roll [her]848-this woman onto [her]848-this woman side away from [me]0-i and lift [her]848-this woman leg and slide back in . [I]0-i wrap [her]848-this woman tightly in [my]0-i arms . [She]848-this woman smiles sleepily as [I]0-i kiss [her]848-this woman temple . “ That ’s better , ”[848-this woman] [she]848-this woman whispers . [I]0-i kiss [her]848-this woman neck as [I]0-i hold [her]848-this woman tight . [We]860-we fell asleep like this last night , too , [our]860-we bodies joined . As one . [Claire Anderson]81-claire . The high of the orgasm [she]848-this woman gives [me]0-i is n’t half as good as the high after it . When [I]0-i ’m holding [her]848-this woman in [my]0-i arms like this , intimacy is running between [us]860-we like a river , and just for a moment . . . [She]848-this woman is [mine]0-i . [Claire]81-claire [I]0-i wake with a huge stretch and a smile . God . It ’s been years since [I]0-i ’ve slept this well . [I]0-i roll over to see [Tristan]74-tristan on [his]74-tristan back . One arm is behind [his]74-tristan head , and the other is scrolling through [his]74-tristan phone . The white sheet is pooled around [his]74-tristan groin , and [his]74-tristan rippled stomach is on display . What a sight to wake up to . “ Good morning . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles and leans over to kiss [me]0-i . “ Morning . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan hand lingers on [my]0-i jaw as [he]74-tristan smiles sexily over at [me]0-i . “ Why are [you]74-tristan awake so early ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Been up for hours . Could n’t sleep , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mutters as [he]74-tristan returns to [his]74-tristan phone and keeps scrolling . “ Why not ? ”[74-tristan] “ All [your]0-i snoring . It ’s like sleeping with a boar cuddling [your]0-i back . It gives a new meaning to a wild night . ”[0-i] [I]0-i giggle and rub [my]0-i eyes as [I]0-i try to wake [myself]0-i up . “ What ’s [your]0-i name on Instagram ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks as [he]74-tristan concentrates on [his]74-tristan phone . “ Huh ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i glance over at [him]74-tristan . “ [I]0-i ’ve been looking for [you]74-tristan for a good hour . What ’s [your]74-tristan name ? ”[0-i] “ [You]74-tristan woke up early to stalk [my]0-i Instagram ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Name , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan replies flatly as [he]74-tristan continues to stare at [his]74-tristan screen . “ [I]74-tristan have a private account . ”[74-tristan] “ And ? ”[74-tristan] “ And . . . it ’s private . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan eyes flick over to [me]0-i . “ [You]74-tristan ’re not going to give it to [me]74-tristan ? ”[74-tristan] “ No . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ [I]74-tristan have like [fifty followers]3334-fifty followers , and [they]3334-fifty followers are mostly [family]3335-family . It ’s [me]74-tristan and [[my]74-tristan kids]617-my kids , personal stuff . Nothing exciting , [I]74-tristan can assure [you]0-i . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sits up on [his]74-tristan elbow . “ What ? And [I]74-tristan ca n’t see it ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile at [his]74-tristan outrage . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , why would [you]74-tristan want to ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i sit up and climb out of bed . “ It ’s just [my]0-i kid stuff . Sports , birthdays , pets . . . crap like that . ”[0-i] “ Well . . . maybe because [I]0-i spent half the night inside [your]74-tristan body , [I]0-i assumed [I]0-i would be able to see what [[your]74-tristan kids]3337-your kids look like . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile at [his]74-tristan annoyance . “ No . [You]74-tristan ca n’t , actually . ”[0-i] [I]0-i throw [my]0-i robe on around [my]0-i shoulders . “ [[My]0-i kids]617-my kids are off limits and not up for discussion with [you]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i walk into [the bathroom]584-the bathroom and close the door . “ Trust [me]0-i , [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call through the door . “ It ’s not like all [[your]74-tristan girlfriends]3339-your girlfriends ’ Instagram accounts . Stalk [them]3339-your girlfriends instead . ”[0-i] [I]0-i go to [the bathroom]584-the bathroom and come back out to find [him]74-tristan still on [his]74-tristan phone . [He]74-tristan ’s glaring at it , as if [he]74-tristan ’s annoyed . “ What are [we]3340-we doing today ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Hmm , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan grunts , unimpressed . “ [I]74-tristan ’m going to steal [your]0-i phone , take a shot of [my]74-tristan cock , and post it on [your”—he]74-tristan[74-tristan] holds [his]74-tristan fingers up to air quote—“‘private Instagram ’ with the heading [Paris]6-paris , hashtag loving - the - cock . ”[0-i] [I]0-i giggle . “ That ’s a great hashtag . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan throws [his]74-tristan phone to the side and rolls [me]0-i over onto [my]0-i back . “ [You]0-i wound [me]74-tristan , [Anderson]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i . “ Why ca n’t [I]74-tristan see [[your]74-tristan kids]3337-your kids ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i run [my]0-i fingers through [his]74-tristan dark stubble . “ [You]74-tristan know why . ”[0-i] [I]0-i kiss [him]74-tristan softly . “ [We]3342-we are n’t like that . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan stares down at [me]0-i for a moment and then blinks , as if processing [my]0-i words . “ Well ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ What are [we]3342-we doing today ? ”[0-i] “ Stuff , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mutters dryly as [he]74-tristan rolls off [me]0-i onto [his]74-tristan back . “ Lots of stuff . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan . “ What puts [you]74-tristan in this mood today ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Nothing . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan puts the back of [his]74-tristan forearm over [his]74-tristan eyes . “ [Tris]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i pull [his]74-tristan arm off [his]74-tristan face . [His]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ Look at [you]74-tristan getting all needy . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan am not getting all needy , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan snaps , insulted . “ What ’s this , then ? ”[74-tristan] “ This is . . . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan frowns as [he]74-tristan tries to articulate [himself]74-tristan . “ [I]74-tristan ’m not fucking needy , [Claire]81-claire . [I]74-tristan ’ve never been needy in [my]74-tristan entire life . ”[74-tristan] “ If [you]74-tristan say so . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile and kiss [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i run [my]0-i fingers through [his]74-tristan hair to try to calm [him]74-tristan . “ Take [me]74-tristan sightseeing , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . Show [me]74-tristan [Paris]6-paris through [your]0-i eyes . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan regains [his]74-tristan composure and rolls [me]0-i onto [my]0-i back and holds [my]0-i hands above [my]0-i head . “ The only way [you]0-i ’re going to be seeing [Paris]6-paris is on the end of [my]0-i dick . ”[0-i] [I]0-i giggle . “ [You]0-i ’re [a sex maniac]3343-a sex maniac . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan bites [my]0-i bottom lip and stretches it out . “ [We]863-we already established this . ”[74-tristan] The candlelight flickers on [our]863-we faces . [We]863-we are in [[Tristan]74-tristan ’s favorite restaurant in [Paris]6-paris]864-tristan ’s favorite restaurant in paris . [He]74-tristan ’s ordered for [us]863-we , and [I]0-i swear every time [he]74-tristan talks to [someone in French]865-someone in french , [I]0-i lose a little more of [my]0-i mind . What a dreamy day . [We]863-we went to [the Louvre]18-the louvre and then to [the Eiffel Tower]17-eiffel tower . Then [we]863-we strolled down [the Champs - Élysées]866-the champs - élysées , [a strip of [gorgeous shops]868-gorgeous shops]867-a strip of gorgeous shops . [We]863-we visited [the Arc de Triomphe]20-the arc de triomphe and then went to [the ruins of [Notre Dame]21-notre dame]869-the ruins of notre dame . At one point , [I]0-i thought [Tristan]74-tristan was going to burst into tears . [He]74-tristan loves [that chapel]870-that chapel and had been [there]3088-there many times before [it]3088-there burned down . [I]0-i take [his]74-tristan hand over the table . “ Thank [you]74-tristan , [Tris]74-tristan . [I]0-i ’ve had the best day . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan smiles warmly over at [me]0-i . “ Seriously , like one of [my]74-tristan favorite days ever in [my]74-tristan entire life . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan eyes glow with tenderness as [he]74-tristan squeezes [my]0-i hand . “ [I]74-tristan ’m glad . [It]3344-it ’s [a beautiful city]3345-a beautiful city . ”[74-tristan] “ Oh . . . it really is , ”[0-i] [I]0-i gush . “ [The Eiffel Tower]822-the eiffel tower and , oh , [the Louvre]3347-the louvre . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head as [I]0-i go over the day . “ [I]74-tristan ca n’t believe [I]74-tristan ’m even [here]3039-here , [you]74-tristan know ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sips [his]74-tristan red wine as [he]74-tristan smiles over at [me]0-i . “ And it ’s not over yet . [I]74-tristan got [you]0-i a surprise . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan did ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ Tickets to [Moulin Rouge]22-moulin rouge tonight . ”[0-i] [My]0-i mouth falls open . “ Are [you]74-tristan serious ? ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i ca n’t come here and not see it . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles sexily . “ Oh , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i gush over at [him]74-tristan . “ [You]74-tristan are the best tour guide ever . [You]74-tristan know so much about [this place]3349-this place . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’ve spent a lot of time [here]3039-here . ”[0-i] “ Do [you]74-tristan always stay at [the same hotel]3351-the same hotel ? ”[0-i] “ Always , and [the same room]3352-the same room . ”[0-i] “ [You]74-tristan always stay in [the same room]3352-the same room ? ”[0-i] “ Yes . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan chuckles . “ Makes [me]74-tristan feel more at [home]341-home if [I]74-tristan have familiar surroundings . ”[74-tristan] “ What ’s it like ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ What ’s it like traveling [the world]259-the world on [your]74-tristan own ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m not alone . [I]0-i have [friends]3356-friends everywhere [I]0-i go . [I]0-i just pick up where [I]0-i left off with [them]3356-friends last time [I]0-i was [here]3039-here . ”[0-i] [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan for a moment . “ Do [you]74-tristan have [a lady friend]3358-a lady friend [here]3039-here ? ”[0-i] “ [No one]3360-no one steady . ”[0-i] That should n’t make [me]0-i as happy as [it]872-it does . “ Where do [you]74-tristan live in [New York]5-new york ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]0-i have [a penthouse in [Tribeca]23-tribeca]3361-a penthouse in tribeca . ”[0-i] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Where do [you]74-tristan live ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks . “ [I]74-tristan have [a house in [Long Island]10-long island]3362-a house in long island . ”[74-tristan] “ [Long Island]10-long island ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan gasps . “ [You]74-tristan commute every day ? ”[74-tristan] “ Yeah . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ [We]3363-we wanted [the kids]3077-the kids to have [a house]3365-a house with [a yard growing up]3366-a yard growing up . ”[0-i] “ Hmm . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan thinks on [my]0-i answer for a moment and rests [his]74-tristan chin on [his]74-tristan hand with [his]74-tristan elbow on the table . “ [I]0-i do n’t know if [I]0-i want to go to [Moulin Rouge]22-moulin rouge with [you]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , deep in thought . “ Why not ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug bashfully . “ [All those beautiful young girls with [their]3367-all those beautiful young girls with their boobs hanging out boobs hanging out]3367-all those beautiful young girls with their boobs hanging out . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan smiles over at [me]0-i . “ [I]74-tristan might get jealous . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i sip [my]0-i wine . “ [You]74-tristan must date [some beautiful women]3368-some beautiful women . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sips [his]74-tristan wine but does n’t reply . The question hangs in the air between [us]873-us . “ What was [your]0-i favorite thing [you]0-i saw today ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan changes the subject . “ Honestly ? ”[74-tristan] “ Of course . ”[74-tristan] “ It was [you]0-i . ”[873-us] [Our]873-us eyes lock . “ [You]0-i were the most beautiful thing [I]873-us saw today , [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . ”[873-us] The air swirls between [us]873-us , and [he]74-tristan takes [my]0-i hand again over the table . “ Do [you]0-i know how [you]0-i can really impress [me]74-tristan , [Anderson]81-claire ? ”[74-tristan] “ How ? ”[74-tristan] “ [You]0-i can strip down to a G - string , go topless , and get onstage tonight at [the Moulin Rouge]3369-the moulin rouge and dance for [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i giggle as [I]0-i imagine the horror . “ [I]0-i do n’t want to evacuate [the establishment]3370-the establishment . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan drops [his]74-tristan chin back onto [his]74-tristan hand and gives [me]0-i a slow , sexy smile . “ [The other women]3371-the other women would all pale to [your]0-i beauty . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smirk at [his]74-tristan ridiculous statement . “ On any stage , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers as [his]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i . An unwelcome flutter happens in [my]0-i stomach . The air between [us]874-we is electric , and [I]0-i know that [I]0-i should n’t be feeling this . . . whatever this is . . . but when [he]74-tristan says sweet things , [I]0-i ca n’t help but feel something in [my]0-i chest . All day [we]874-we have laughed and held hands and carried on like [kids]3313-kids in love . [I]0-i ’m not sure that [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is as hard as [I]0-i once thought [he]74-tristan was . “ And the answer was no , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says softly . “ To what ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i ’m confused as to what [he]74-tristan ’s talking about . “ [I]74-tristan do n’t remember if [I]74-tristan dated [any beautiful women]3372-any beautiful women . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i frown . “ Because , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers as [his]74-tristan eyes drop to [my]0-i lips , “ at this moment , all [I]74-tristan can think about . . . is [you]0-i . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i heart beats faster as [we]874-we stare at [each other]286-each other , and [I]0-i want to go around to [his]74-tristan side of the table and take [him]74-tristan into [my]0-i arms and kiss [him]74-tristan . But [I]0-i ca n’t . [I]0-i ca n’t imagine that this is more than it is , that [his]74-tristan pretty words are more than just pretty words . Because [he]74-tristan ’s [a fantasy man]877-a fantasy man , and [we]874-we ca n’t be anything more than a weekend away . [Our]874-we lives are too different — [we]874-we . . . are too different . [I]0-i know that . “ What ’s going to happen tonight when [everyone]382-everyone sees [me]0-i naked on the stage at [the Moulin Rouge]22-moulin rouge ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]74-tristan ’ll be fighting [the men]458-the men off . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan chuckles . “ Probably [the women]457-the women too . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i giggle and pick up [my]0-i wine . [I]0-i hold [my]0-i glass out and clink it with [his]74-tristan . “ To naked brawling , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [His]74-tristan eyes twinkle with a certain something . “ Naked anything , where [you]0-i ’re concerned . ”[74-tristan] [This poor , deluded man]878-this poor , deluded man . Since when did cellulite and stretch marks become hot ? [I]0-i bet [he]74-tristan never thought [he]74-tristan would see the day . [I]0-i giggle . “ [You]74-tristan must be sick of seeing [me]0-i naked , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[0-i] “ [Anderson]81-claire , [I]879-we ’m just getting started . ”[879-we] [We]879-we walk out through [the departure lounge of [the private part of [the airport]3237-the airport]881-the private part of the airport]880-the departure lounge of the private part of the airport . [Tristan]74-tristan is wheeling both of [our]879-we suitcases behind [him]74-tristan , and [we]879-we walk in through large glass doors from [the tarmac]795-the tarmac . [One lone lady]884-one lone lady is checking and stamping passports to let [us]879-we into [the country]885-the country . “ Hello , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[884-one lone lady] [She]884-one lone lady smiles . Jeez , [he]74-tristan flies so much that [the staff]3034-the staff all know [him]74-tristan . “ Hello , [Margarete]130-margarete , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says . “ Where ’s [Boris]131-boris ? ”[74-tristan] “ On day shift today . ”[884-one lone lady] [She]884-one lone lady opens [his]74-tristan passport . “ How was [Paris]6-paris ? ”[884-one lone lady] “ [Parfaite]26-parfaite . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles . [She]884-one lone lady giggles on cue , and [I]0-i smirk over at [him]74-tristan . [Flirt]132-flirt . [She]884-one lone lady stamps [our]879-we passports , and [we]879-we look into the eye - scanner thingy . This is so much more civilized than standing in the queue for an hour . “ Goodbye , [Margarete]130-margarete , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says as [he]74-tristan pulls [our]879-we two suitcases through another huge door . When [we]879-we walk out , [I]0-i look around , disoriented . Oh , [we]879-we are in [the foyer of [the airport]3237-the airport]887-the foyer of the airport . [I]0-i never knew that these doors into [this private part of [the airport]3237-the airport]889-this private part of the airport were even here . “ Where are [you]74-tristan parked ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan asks . “ Over in long term , level one . ”[74-tristan] “ Okay , [I]74-tristan ’ll just drop [my]74-tristan bag at [the car]371-the car and walk [you]74-tristan up . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan do n’t have to . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan want to . ”[74-tristan] [We]879-we walk out through the front doors , and [he]74-tristan walks to the left with [our]879-we two suitcases and stops at [a black limo]891-a black limo . [The driver]376-the driver gets out . “ Hey , [Tris]74-tristan , ”[376-the driver] [he]376-the driver says . [I]0-i stop on the spot , shocked . [He]74-tristan has [a limo]893-a limo . . . what the heck ? “ This is [Claire]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says to introduce [me]0-i . “ This is [Calvin]133-calvin . ”[74-tristan] “ Hello . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles . [I]0-i give a weak wave . [Calvin]133-calvin grabs [his]133-calvin suitcase , and [Tristan]74-tristan takes [my]0-i hand . [We]879-we walk toward level one . “ [I]74-tristan can wheel [my]74-tristan suitcase . ”[74-tristan] “ Let [me]74-tristan act like [a gentleman]3377-a gentleman , please , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says as [he]74-tristan walks . “ [You]74-tristan have [a limo]893-a limo ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i frown . [He]74-tristan shrugs , as if it ’s no big deal . “ [Miles Media]78-miles media has [limos]3379-limos . [It]3380-it ’s not personally mine . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i ’m suddenly reminded of who [he]74-tristan is . A [Miles]74-tristan . [We]879-we walk for a while , and [I]0-i feel anxious . [I]0-i do n’t want to let [him]74-tristan go , but [I]0-i know [I]0-i have to . [I]0-i went to [France]9-france to fill [my]0-i well — [I]0-i got [the ocean]894-the ocean instead . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is beautiful , smart , and witty , and [he]74-tristan makes [me]0-i laugh , which is not an easy feat , and that ’s just on top of the amazing sex . But more than that , [he]74-tristan makes [me]0-i feel like [I]0-i ’m [the most beautiful woman in [the world]259-the world]895-the most beautiful woman in the world . Never once , not even for a second , did [I]0-i feel insecure about [my]0-i body . [He]74-tristan constantly had [his]74-tristan arm around [me]0-i or was holding [my]0-i hand , kissing [me]0-i . Listening to everything [I]0-i said and giving [me]0-i great conversation . [I]0-i think [we]897-we talked the entire weekend ; never once did it feel forced or uncomfortable . [He]74-tristan ’s going . [I]0-i exhale as reality begins to seep through [my]0-i bones . [The man [I]0-i was away with]898-the man i was away with does n’t really exist . [He]74-tristan is a very small piece of who [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is . Sadly , [my]0-i first instincts are in fact [his]74-tristan reality , and even though [we]897-we ’ve had an amazing time together . . . It ends here . [I]0-i ca n’t even fathom being with [someone like [him]74-tristan]899-someone like him long term . [We]897-we take [the elevator]571-the elevator to [level one]901-level one , and [he]74-tristan ’s quiet too . “ This is [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile as [we]897-we get to [[my]0-i car]316-my car . [I]0-i pop the trunk , and [he]74-tristan puts [my]0-i suitcase in and turns to [me]0-i . Now it ’s awkward . . . now it feels forced . “ Thank [you]74-tristan so much for a great weekend . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . [He]74-tristan takes [me]0-i into [his]74-tristan arms . “ Are [you]0-i sure [you]0-i ca n’t stay at [[my]74-tristan house]3381-my house tonight ? It is late . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i give [him]74-tristan a sad smile . “ [I]0-i have to get [home]341-home to [the boys]3247-the boys . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan nods and inhales sharply . [We]903-we stare at [each other]286-each other , and it ’s as if [we]903-we both have something to say but are holding [our]903-we tongues . “ Goodbye . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i , long and deep . [Our]903-we eyes close at the contact . [He]74-tristan holds [my]0-i face in [his]74-tristan hands , and [my]0-i feet float from the floor . “ Call [me]74-tristan when [you]0-i get [home]341-home so [I]74-tristan know [you]0-i got [there]3088-there safe ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pushes [my]0-i hair behind [my]0-i shoulders . “ Okay . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile up at [him]74-tristan . With one last big hug and another kiss , [he]74-tristan lets [me]0-i go , and [I]0-i climb into [[my]0-i car]316-my car . [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan hands into [his]74-tristan jeans pockets as [I]0-i pull out , and with one last sad wave , [I]0-i drive off . [My]0-i eyes watch [him]74-tristan in the rearview mirror as [I]0-i drive toward [the exit of [the parking lot]907-the parking lot]906-the exit of the parking lot . [He]74-tristan ’s standing still and watching [[my]0-i car]316-my car disappear . “ Goodbye , [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . All good things come to an end . . . damn it . Why do [you]909-you have to be [him]74-tristan ? An hour later [I]0-i pull into [the driveway]910-the driveway at [home]341-home . [I]0-i sit and stare at it for a while . There ’s a bike on [the porch]912-the porch and a basketball left on the ground near the hoop . Shoes are scattered everywhere , and no matter how many times [I]0-i tell [them]913-them to pack [their]913-them crap away , it always looks like this . [I]0-i smile at the familiarity . [I]0-i ’m [home]341-home . [I]0-i pick up [my]0-i phone and text [Tristan]74-tristan . Arrived [home]341-home , safe and sound . xoxox [I]0-i climb out of [the car]371-the car , and the front door flies open . [Patrick]93-patrick and [Harry]141-harry come flying out . “ Hello . ”[0-i] [I]0-i laugh . [They]913-them both nearly tackle [me]0-i to the ground as [they]913-them wrap [their]913-them arms around [me]0-i . “ Hello , [[my]913-them darlings]3386-my darlings . [I]913-them missed [you]3386-my darlings . ”[913-them] [I]0-i cuddle [them]913-them both and squeeze [them]913-them tight . “ Did [you]0-i bring [us]913-them presents ? ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick asks . “ Yes , hello , [Mom]123-mom , ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i correct [him]93-patrick . “ Hello , [Mom]123-mom , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick repeats . “ [Mom]123-mom , [Fletcher]96-fletcher is out of control , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry says . “ [He]96-fletcher did n’t rinse the dishes before [he]96-fletcher put them in the dishwasher , and now it ’s clogged . ”[141-harry] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i pop the trunk . “ [Him]96-fletcher and [Grandma]94-grandma are trying to fix it now . ”[0-i] “ That does n’t sound good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter as [I]0-i grab [my]0-i suitcase . [Harry]141-harry takes it from [me]0-i and starts to pull it up [the driveway]910-the driveway . “ Let [me]93-patrick do it , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick says . “ No , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry snaps . “ [You]0-i ’re too little . ”[141-harry] “ [I]93-patrick am not too little , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick yells at the top of [his]93-patrick voice as [he]93-patrick swings a punch at [[his]93-patrick brother]918-his brother . [Harry]141-harry pushes [Patrick]93-patrick , and [he]93-patrick falls over . “ Oww . [Mom]3387-mom , [he]141-harry pushed [me]141-harry ! ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry yells . [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . Ugh . [I]0-i have n’t missed [their]919-their bickering . “ Shh , it ’s late , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Keep [your]93-patrick voice down . [Poor Mrs. Reynolds]134-poor mrs. reynolds will wake up . ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance up at the window next door . If the truth be known , [Mrs. Reynolds]134-poor mrs. reynolds is already watching [us]920-we . [She]134-poor mrs. reynolds knows what happens in [the street]264-the street before it actually happens . [We]920-we walk up to [the front porch]922-the front porch . “ Why are [everyone]382-everyone ’s shoes everywhere ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [The shoebox]3389-the shoebox is for shoes . ”[0-i] For [God]97-god ’s sake . [I]0-i stop and throw all the shoes into the shoebox as [the boys]3247-the boys continue dragging [my]0-i suitcase into [the house]924-the house . [We]920-we must look like slobs to the rest of [the street]264-the street . Every day , fifteen pairs of shoes are scattered everywhere . Every single night , [I]0-i put them all back into the shoebox . Yeesh . [I]0-i walk into [the house]924-the house and through [the living area]927-the living area out to [the kitchen]928-the kitchen and frown as [I]0-i take in the sight . The dishwasher is pulled out from the wall , and [Fletcher]96-fletcher is on [his]96-fletcher back underneath it . There are tools scattered all over the kitchen floor , and [he]96-fletcher is shining the flashlight on [his]96-fletcher phone up into it . “ Hi , [Mom]123-mom , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher calls . “ [I]96-fletcher ’m fixing the dishwasher . ”[96-fletcher] “ Great . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown at [[my]0-i mother]762-my mother . “ Does [he]96-fletcher know what [he]96-fletcher ’s doing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i mouth . “ No . ”[0-i] [She]762-my mother widens [her]762-my mother eyes and shrugs . “ [He]96-fletcher does n’t . ”[762-my mother] [God]97-god . “ How was it , love ? ”[762-my mother] [Mom]123-mom smiles as [she]762-my mother pulls [me]0-i into a hug . “ It was wonderful . Thank [you]0-i so much for watching [the kids]3077-the kids . ”[762-my mother] [Woofy]135-woofy , [our]930-our dog , comes flying around the corner with a huge cone on [his]135-woofy head . “ What the heck happened to [Woofy]135-woofy ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Oh , [he]135-woofy chased a squirrel under a metal fence and cut [his]135-woofy back , ”[123-mom] [Mom]123-mom says . “ Oh no . Is [he]135-woofy okay ? ”[123-mom] [I]0-i bend and pull [[my]0-i faithful friend]931-my faithful friend ’s face to [mine]0-i . “ Are [you]931-my faithful friend okay ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask [him]931-my faithful friend . “ Yes , but [he]135-woofy got stitches , and now [he]135-woofy needs to wear a cone so that [he]135-woofy ca n’t chew them out . ”[0-i] “ Ugh , why did n’t [you]931-my faithful friend tell [me]0-i over the phone ? ”[0-i] “ Because [we]3391-we wanted [you]931-my faithful friend to relax . [I]123-mom ’m going to take a shower , and then [I]123-mom want to hear everything . ”[123-mom] [She]123-mom disappears [upstairs]3043-upstairs . “ Okay . ”[123-mom] [I]0-i exhale heavily as [I]0-i look around at the chaos . “ Where are [my]93-patrick presents ? ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick asks . “ They ’re wrapped up . [You]931-my faithful friend can have them tomorrow . [I]0-i have to unpack [my]0-i entire suitcase to find them , and it ’s too late now , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Aww . ”[0-i] [He]931-my faithful friend frowns as [he]931-my faithful friend puts [his]931-my faithful friend hands on [his]931-my faithful friend hips in disgust . “ [I]931-my faithful friend ’ve been waiting up for this . ”[931-my faithful friend] “ [I]0-i thought [you]931-my faithful friend were waiting up for [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk as [I]0-i tickle [him]931-my faithful friend and pull [him]931-my faithful friend into a hug . “ [I]931-my faithful friend was , really — [I]931-my faithful friend was just pretending . ”[931-my faithful friend] [He]931-my faithful friend corrects [himself]931-my faithful friend for being insensitive . [I]0-i glance over and see [Harry]141-harry sitting on the couch . [He]141-harry never demands [my]0-i attention but needs it more than [anyone]393-anyone . [I]0-i go and sit beside [him]141-harry , and [Patrick]93-patrick flops on [my]0-i lap . “ What have [I]0-i missed , [Harry]141-harry ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Everything , ”[931-my faithful friend] [he]931-my faithful friend says , clearly unimpressed . “ [You]0-i ’ve been gone too long , and [I]931-my faithful friend do n’t want [you]0-i going away again . [I]931-my faithful friend was getting out of control at [school]3101-school with [you]0-i not [here]3039-here . ”[931-my faithful friend] [I]0-i smile and mess up [his]931-my faithful friend hair . “ Okay , no more trips . ”[0-i] “ Do [you]0-i promise ? ”[931-my faithful friend] [he]931-my faithful friend asks . “ [I]931-my faithful friend promise . ”[931-my faithful friend] [Fletcher]96-fletcher climbs up from underneath the dishwasher and turns it on . “ [I]931-my faithful friend fixed it , [Mom]123-mom , ”[931-my faithful friend] [he]931-my faithful friend announces . [I]0-i smile . [Fletcher]96-fletcher likes to fix things . [I]0-i think [he]96-fletcher thinks that ’s what [he]96-fletcher should do as [the man of [the house]924-the house]934-the man of the house . “ Thanks , [buddy]3394-buddy . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hold [my]0-i arms out for [him]96-fletcher , and [he]96-fletcher comes and hugs [me]0-i . “ [I]96-fletcher missed [you]96-fletcher . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i squeeze [him]96-fletcher tight . “ Thanks for taking care of [everyone]382-everyone . ”[0-i] [I]0-i ’m not joking ; [I]0-i ’m really not going away again . [I]0-i missed [them]936-them desperately . The dishwasher begins to churn , and [Fletcher]96-fletcher smiles proudly . “ Told [you]0-i [I]96-fletcher fixed it . ”[96-fletcher] “ [I]0-i never had any doubts . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ [Harry]141-harry and [Patrick]93-patrick , [upstairs]3043-upstairs to clean [your]936-them teeth . [I]0-i ’ll come up in a moment . [You]936-them have school tomorrow . ”[0-i] [They]936-them moan and walk [upstairs]3043-upstairs . [Fletcher]96-fletcher packs up all the tools into the toolbox . “ [I]96-fletcher ’m taking them out to [the garage]3397-the garage . ”[96-fletcher] “ Thanks , [buddy]3394-buddy . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher disappears outside . [I]0-i go to [the bathroom]584-the bathroom and then turn the television channel . [I]0-i ’m walking over to the fridge when [I]0-i feel something wet on [my]0-i foot . Huh ? [I]0-i glance down , and [my]0-i eyes widen in horror . Water is flying out of the bottom of the dishwasher ; the entire floor is flooded , and it is running into [the next room]939-the next room . “ Ahh ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i yell . “ [Fletcher]96-fletcher . Turn the water off . ”[0-i] [He]96-fletcher does n’t reply , and [I]0-i run to [the linen closet]940-the linen closet and grab whatever [I]0-i can to stop [the house]924-the house from flooding . “ [Fletcher]96-fletcher ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i scream as [I]0-i throw blankets onto the floor . “ Quick . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher appears , and [his]96-fletcher face falls in horror as [he]96-fletcher sees the flooding . “ Do n’t just stand there ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i yell . “ Turn the water off . ”[0-i] [He]96-fletcher runs outside . The water is spurting out of the bottom of the dishwasher now like a fire hose . [The kitchen]928-the kitchen is four inches deep , and the living area carpet is all wet too . What the fuck did [he]96-fletcher do ? “ Ahh , ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry as [I]0-i try to make a dam so it wo n’t go farther . The water turns off , and [I]0-i pant as [I]0-i work fast to try to stop the carnage . [Fletcher]96-fletcher comes running back in . “ What do [I]96-fletcher do ? ”[96-fletcher] “ Get some towels ; help [me]96-fletcher mop this up , [honey]3091-honey . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher runs off , and [we]943-we get to work . “ What the hell happened ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i hear [Mom]123-mom cry . [I]0-i look to the top of [the stairs]290-the stairs and see [[my]0-i mother]762-my mother sopping wet and wrapped in a towel with a headful of shampoo . “ [I]762-my mother ca n’t rinse off the shampoo . The water stopped . What am [I]762-my mother supposed to do now ? ”[762-my mother] [she]762-my mother cries . For fuck ’s sake . [I]0-i pinch the bridge of [my]0-i nose . Back to reality . It ’s Monday morning , and [I]0-i walk into [the office]3078-the office . [I]0-i can hardly wipe the satisfied grin from [my]0-i face . “ Well , hello there . ”[0-i] [Marley]77-marley smirks as [she]77-marley looks [me]0-i up and down . “ Look at [you]0-i , all glowy and shit ? ”[77-marley] [I]0-i pull [her]77-marley into a hug . “ Thank [you]77-marley for forcing [me]0-i to go . [You]77-marley were right ; [I]0-i really needed it . ”[0-i] “ [You]77-marley liked it ? ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley frowns in surprise . “ [I]77-marley loved it . [I]77-marley even booked in for next year . ”[77-marley] “ Yes . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley pumps [her]77-marley fist . “ [I]77-marley fucking knew [you]0-i would love that motivational shit . ”[77-marley] “ Who knew ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile and walk past [her]77-marley into [[my]0-i office]298-my office and take a seat . “ Do [you]0-i want a coffee ? ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley calls . “ Umm . . . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i dig [my]0-i phone out of [my]0-i bag . “ [You]0-i ’re going to need it . [You]0-i have like a thousand emails to answer . ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Yeah , okay , thanks . ”[0-i] [I]0-i plug [my]0-i phone in to charge , and the screen lights up . Five missed calls , [Tristan]74-tristan . Shit , when did [he]74-tristan call [me]0-i ? [I]0-i scroll through to the missed calls . Last night . Hmm . [I]0-i was so exhausted after [I]0-i mopped up the lake - size flood in [the house]924-the house , and by the time [the emergency plumber]949-the emergency plumber left , [I]0-i did n’t even check [my]0-i phone . Oh well . [I]0-i turn it on silent , put it down , and boot up [my]0-i computer . [I]0-i smile broadly . [I]0-i honestly feel like [I]0-i have n’t been [here]3039-here for a month . So rejuvenated . [My]0-i stomach growls , and [I]0-i glance at [my]0-i watch . Eleven thirty . [Marley]77-marley was right ; [I]0-i have n’t even come up for air this morning . A knock sounds at the door , and [I]0-i glance up at [it]951-it . Where ’s [Marley]77-marley ? “ Come in , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . [I]0-i keep reading an email , then glance up to see [Tristan]74-tristan standing there . Navy suit , pale - pink shirt , and crimson tie — looking as gorgeous as can be . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . “ What are [you]74-tristan doing [here]3039-here ? ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a slow , sexy smile . “ Well , [you]0-i ’re not answering [my]74-tristan calls , so [I]74-tristan had no choice . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan walks over to [me]0-i and bends and kisses [my]0-i lips . [I]0-i jerk back from [him]74-tristan . “ What are [you]74-tristan doing ? ”[0-i] “ Kissing [you]74-tristan hello . ”[74-tristan] “ Do n’t . ”[0-i] “ Why not ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan frowns . “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan for a moment . [He]74-tristan ca n’t be serious . “ The dirty weekend was just that . One weekend . [I]74-tristan do n’t want anything with [you]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] Chapter 9 [He]74-tristan screws up [his]74-tristan face . “ What are [you]0-i talking about , [Anderson]96-fletcher ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan scoffs . “ Get [your]0-i stuff . [We]3401-we ’re going to lunch . ”[74-tristan] What ? “ Are [you]74-tristan listening to [me]0-i , [Tris]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i stand up . “ No . [I]0-i ’m not . [You]0-i ’re talking shit . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan hands on [my]0-i hips and smirks down at [me]0-i . “ Why would n’t [we]952-we see [each other]286-each other when [we]952-we get on so well ? That ’s the most ridiculous thing that ’s ever come out of [your]74-tristan mouth . ”[74-tristan] The door opens , and [we]952-we both turn suddenly . [Marley]77-marley ’s eyes widen in horror as [she]77-marley sees [me]0-i in [Tristan]74-tristan ’s arms . “ Oh . . . sorry . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley winces . Shit . [Tristan]74-tristan steps back from [me]0-i , clearly annoyed at the interruption . “ That ’s okay . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i force a smile . “ What is it , [Marley]77-marley ? ”[0-i] “ [I]77-marley was going to see if [you]77-marley wanted lunch , but . . . ”[77-marley] “ No , [she]77-marley ’s having lunch with [me]74-tristan , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan asserts . [My]0-i eyes flick to [him]74-tristan . “ [I]74-tristan ’m fine for the moment , [Marley]77-marley . Thank [you]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [Marley]77-marley ’s wide eyes dart between [Tristan]74-tristan and [me]0-i , and [I]0-i can almost hear [her]77-marley brain ticking . . . just great . How the heck do [I]0-i explain this ? [Tristan]74-tristan glares at [Marley]77-marley and raises an impatient eyebrow . “ Oh , ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley stammers , all flustered . “ [I]77-marley ’ll just be at reception . ”[77-marley] [Tristan]74-tristan ’s nostrils flare in annoyance . “ Okay . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley points outside with [her]77-marley thumb . “ If [you]74-tristan need [me]77-marley — ”[77-marley] “ Thank [you]77-marley , [Marley]77-marley , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan interrupts [her]77-marley . [She]77-marley smiles broadly and closes the door , and [his]74-tristan eyes come back to [me]0-i . “ Where were [we]3403-we ? ”[77-marley] [I]0-i smile and rub [my]0-i hand down [his]74-tristan arm . “ [Tris]74-tristan . [We]3403-we ca n’t see [each other]286-each other anymore . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan brushes [my]0-i hand off . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] “ [We]3403-we ca n’t see [each other]286-each other . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan ’re dumping [me]74-tristan ? ”[74-tristan] “ [Nobody]3093-nobody is dumping [anybody]3407-anybody , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say softly . “ [I]0-i really , really like [you]74-tristan . [The guy [I]0-i went away with]3408-the guy i went away with was perfect . ”[0-i] “ So why ca n’t [we]3403-we see [each other]286-each other ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan scoffs . “ Because of the obvious . ”[74-tristan] “ Like what ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan snaps . [His]74-tristan anger is building . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , because [you]74-tristan are [Tristan Miles]74-tristan , and [I]74-tristan ’m too old for [you]74-tristan . [I]74-tristan have [children]336-children and responsibilities , and [you]74-tristan like [young blondes who are into fashion]3411-young blondes who are into fashion . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan narrows [his]74-tristan eyes . “ Do n’t be fucking funny , [Anderson]96-fletcher . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan ’m not . [You]74-tristan told [me]74-tristan that [yourself]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i take [his]74-tristan hand in [mine]0-i . “ [Tris]74-tristan , if circumstances were different and [you]74-tristan were . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause as [I]0-i try to articulate what [I]0-i want to say . “ If [you]74-tristan were older than [me]0-i and say . . . had been divorced and had [a few kids]3412-a few kids , [we]3413-we could maybe try and see [each other]286-each other . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan snaps again . “ [You]74-tristan wo n’t see [me]74-tristan because [I]74-tristan do n’t have [children]336-children ? That ’s fucking ridiculous , [Anderson]96-fletcher . Can [you]74-tristan hear [yourself]74-tristan right now ? ”[74-tristan] “ Do n’t raise [your]74-tristan voice at [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i warn [him]74-tristan . “ Shut up , and come to lunch with [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan takes [me]0-i into [his]74-tristan arms , and [his]74-tristan lips drop to [my]0-i neck . Is [he]74-tristan for real ? “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . Jeez . “ Stop it . ”[0-i] “ Do n’t tell [me]74-tristan [you]74-tristan do n’t like [me]74-tristan , because [I]74-tristan know [you]74-tristan do . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan do . [I]74-tristan ’m not denying it . [I]74-tristan adore [you]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ So ? ”[0-i] “ [I]74-tristan do n’t like [you]74-tristan . . . like that . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan stares at [me]0-i , as if trying to process [my]0-i words . “ Like what ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i ’m just going to have to come out with it . “ [Tris]74-tristan , [you]74-tristan are n’t exactly boyfriend material for [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ What ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan snaps in an outrage . [He]74-tristan points to [his]74-tristan chest . “ [I]74-tristan ’m . . . not [boyfriend material]3416-boyfriend material ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ [I]74-tristan ’m great fucking [boyfriend material]3416-boyfriend material , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i exhale . . . here [we]953-we go . [He]74-tristan ’s angry now . “ No . [You]74-tristan ’re not . ”[74-tristan] “ If [anyone around here]3418-anyone around here is not [partner material]3419-partner material , it ’s [you]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i cross [my]0-i arms and watch [him]74-tristan as [he]74-tristan begins to pace , furious at [my]0-i rejection . “ [You]74-tristan , [Claire Anderson]81-claire . . . are too old for [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan know . ”[74-tristan] “ And [you”—he]74-tristan[74-tristan] points at [me—“have]74-tristan [too many children]3420-too many children . ”[74-tristan] “ Precisely . ”[74-tristan] “ And [I]0-i ’m not into [kids]3313-kids . Especially when [they]3313-kids are n’t [mine]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hold [my]0-i hands out wide . “ Like [I]0-i said . ”[0-i] “ And [I]74-tristan do n’t want to be with someone who ca n’t be spontaneous , anyway . ”[74-tristan] “ Good . [You]74-tristan should n’t . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ Do n’t be fucking condescending , [Anderson]81-claire . ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Are [you]954-he finished ? ”[0-i] “ No . [I]954-he ’m not , ”[954-he] [he]954-he growls . “ [You]81-claire piss [me]954-he off . ”[954-he] “ [I]0-i gathered that . ”[0-i] “ Stop it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pull [him]954-he into [my]0-i arms and run [my]0-i fingers through [his]954-he dark hair . [His]954-he big beautiful brown eyes search [mine]0-i , and [he]954-he puts [his]954-he hands on [my]0-i hips . “ [You]954-he really are [a beautiful man]683-a beautiful man , [Tris]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [He]954-he pulls [me]0-i closer . “ [You]0-i deserve the best . ”[954-he] [I]0-i kiss [his]954-he lips as [I]0-i run [my]0-i fingers through [his]954-he stubble . “ [I]0-i ’m not [her]3423-her ; [I]0-i ’m sorry . [I]0-i wish [I]0-i was . [I]0-i really do . [We]3424-we are at different stages of [our]3424-we lives . [You]0-i are just about to settle down and start [a family]3425-a family , and [I]0-i am finishing with [mine]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Stop talking . ”[0-i] “ [We]3424-we both know that this is n’t going anywhere . [I]954-he ’m not [a casual - sex kind of person]3426-a casual - sex kind of person , and [you]0-i are . ”[954-he] “ Shut the fuck up , [Anderson]81-claire . ”[954-he] [He]954-he kisses [me]0-i softly and with just the right amount of tongue . [My]0-i stomach flutters . “ One last time ? ”[954-he] [he]954-he whispers against [my]0-i lips . God , it ’s so tempting . . . “ No . ”[954-he] [He]954-he pushes [me]0-i up against the wall and slides [his]954-he hand up [my]0-i skirt . “ Let [me]954-he fuck [you]0-i on [your]0-i desk . ”[954-he] [His]954-he mouth drops to [my]0-i neck , and [I]0-i giggle as [I]0-i look up at the ceiling . “ [I]0-i told [you]954-he [I]0-i was going to do it . Right here , right now . ”[0-i] “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i laugh as [I]0-i push [him]954-he off [me]0-i . “ [You]954-he gave [me]0-i an option : [France]9-france or [my]0-i desk . [I]0-i took [France]9-france . [You]954-he do n’t get the desk . Now [you]954-he need to go . ”[0-i] [He]954-he stares at [me]0-i for a moment . “ [You]954-he ’re actually serious about this ? ”[954-he] “ Yes . ”[0-i] “ [You]954-he do n’t want to see [me]954-he ever again ? ”[954-he] [He]954-he frowns . “ No . ”[954-he] [His]954-he mouth falls open . [He]954-he really is shocked . “ But [we]3427-we had the best weekend . ”[954-he] “ [I]0-i know . It completely sucks that [you]954-he ’re [a soul - sucking bastard player]3428-a soul - sucking bastard player . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn [him]954-he and push [him]954-he toward the door . “ Now , [I]0-i need to work . ”[0-i] [He]954-he chuckles , amused at [my]0-i description . “ This is the stupidest thing [you]0-i ’ve ever done . ”[954-he] [He]954-he smirks . [I]0-i laugh and keep pushing [him]954-he toward the door . “ [You]954-he ’re missing out on some magical dick . ”[954-he] [He]954-he grabs [his]954-he crotch . “ Undoubtedly . ”[954-he] [We]955-we get to the door , and [he]954-he turns toward [me]0-i . [We]955-we stare at [each other]286-each other for a moment , and [he]954-he steps forward and pins [me]0-i to the door . [He]954-he grabs [my]0-i face in [his]954-he hands , and [his]954-he tongue swipes through [my]0-i open lips . [My]0-i knees weaken , and [he]954-he grinds [his]954-he hard cock up against [me]0-i . [He]954-he turns [my]0-i head and puts [his]954-he mouth to [my]0-i ear . “ Guess what , [Anderson]81-claire ? ”[954-he] [he]954-he whispers . “ What ? ”[954-he] [I]0-i smile . “ [We]3429-we ’re not over . . . till . . . [I]954-he say [we]3429-we ’re over . ”[954-he] [He]954-he pulls off [me]0-i and leaves . The door clicks , and [my]0-i chest rises and falls as [I]0-i stare at the back of it . A broad smile crosses [my]0-i face . [Tristan fucking Miles]74-tristan . [I]0-i sit back down at [my]0-i desk and get back to work , and five minutes later [my]0-i door bursts open . “ Are [you]0-i serious ? ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley gasps as [she]77-marley closes it behind [her]77-marley . “ What the fuck did [I]77-marley just see ? ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley whispers . “ Nothing . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i open [my]0-i email . “ Forget [you]77-marley saw it . ”[0-i] “ [Claire Anderson]81-claire . [I]77-marley demand to know what the hell is going on with [that god]3430-that god . ”[77-marley] “ [He]957-he ’s not [a god]3431-a god . [He]957-he ’s just [a random guy]3432-a random guy . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hit [my]0-i keyboard with force . Who am [I]0-i kidding ? [He]957-he ’s totally [a god]3431-a god . “ And so how did it go from hating [his]957-he guts to [him]957-he groping [you]959-she in [[your]959-she office]3433-your office ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i continue typing . [I]0-i ca n’t even look at [her]959-she . “ [He]957-he may have been in [France]9-france . ”[0-i] “ No way , ”[959-she] [she]959-she says . “ [We]3434-we may have . . . hooked up . ”[959-she] “ Holy hell . ”[959-she] [She]959-she puts both of [her]959-she hands in [her]959-she hair . “ A little bit . ”[959-she] “ Ahh . . . get the fuck out of here , ”[959-she] [she]959-she cries . “ Are [you]959-she frigging kidding [me]959-she ? ”[959-she] “ [I]959-she wish [I]959-she was . ”[959-she] “ What happened ? ”[959-she] [she]959-she whispers as [she]959-she leans in . “ [I]959-she need all the details . ”[959-she] There ’s a knock at the door . “ Yes ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . [An employee named [Alexander]136-alexander]960-an employee named alexander pokes [his]136-alexander head around . “ Do n’t forget [we]3435-we have that meeting in five minutes . ”[136-alexander] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [My]0-i face falls . [I]0-i completely forgot all about it . “ Yes , of course . See [you]77-marley in [the conference room]692-the conference room . ”[136-alexander] [Alexander]136-alexander closes the door , and [I]0-i turn to [Marley]77-marley , who is waiting patiently for the details . “ [I]77-marley do n’t want to talk about it here . Let ’s finish work early today and go to [a bar]775-a bar for a staff meeting . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley smiles mischievously . “ Yes . [We]3435-we need to discuss [Miles]74-tristan Media in great detail . ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley sits down at the bench table and puts [my]0-i glass of wine in front of [me]0-i . [The bar]533-the bar is crowded and bustling with a four - o’clock rush . It seems [everyone]382-everyone wants a drink before [they]382-everyone head [home]341-home . [I]0-i sip [my]0-i wine , and [Marley]77-marley stares at [me]0-i . “ And ? ”[77-marley] “ And what ? ”[77-marley] “ Do n’t [you]77-marley hold out on [me]0-i , [Claire Anderson]81-claire . [I]0-i need all the fucking details . ”[0-i] [I]0-i drag [my]0-i hand down [my]0-i face . “ God , [Marley]77-marley , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ It was like a movie . ”[0-i] [She]77-marley listens intently . “ [I]77-marley got to the conference , and [he]3438-he was [the opening speaker]3439-the opening speaker . [I]77-marley went to walk out , and [he]3438-he said , ‘ [Claire Anderson]81-claire , sit back down . ’ ”[77-marley] [Her]77-marley eyes widen . “ Then [we]3440-we had banter for a few days , and [I]77-marley was still hating [him]3438-he . But surprisingly , [he]3438-he ’s witty and funny . ”[77-marley] “ [I]77-marley knew [he]3438-he would be , ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley interrupts . “ [Smart guys]3441-smart guys are always witty . ”[77-marley] “ Anyway , one night on the way back from dinner , [he]3438-he kissed [me]77-marley . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley holds [her]77-marley hands up and dances on [her]77-marley chair . “ [He]3438-he wanted to come back to [[my]77-marley room]3158-my room , and [I]77-marley said no and locked [him]3438-he out . ”[77-marley] “ [[You]0-i idiot]3207-you idiot , ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley gasps . “ Are [you]0-i fucking crazy ? Have [you]0-i seen the level of hotness of [that guy]3444-that guy ? ”[77-marley] [I]0-i raise [my]0-i eyebrows and smirk . [Her]77-marley mouth falls open . “ Do n’t tell [me]77-marley . ”[77-marley] “ Yep . ”[77-marley] “ And ? ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley gasps . “ Off - the - hook hot , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [She]77-marley grabs [my]0-i arm and squeezes it hard . “ [You]0-i had sex . . . with [Tristan fucking Miles]74-tristan ? ”[77-marley] “ Shh , keep [your]77-marley voice down , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i look around at [the people surrounding [us]965-us]964-the people surrounding us . “ Yes . A lot of sex . In fact , [I]0-i fucked [his]74-tristan brains out . ”[0-i] [She]77-marley puts both hands over [her]77-marley mouth in shock . “ What the hell , [Claire]81-claire ? ”[77-marley] “ [I]0-i know . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i wine . “ But then [he]74-tristan came into the conference and said that [he]74-tristan had to leave unexpectedly and said goodbye to [the group]601-the group and did n’t say goodbye to [me]77-marley . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley frowns . “ What ? [I]77-marley ’m confused . . . ”[77-marley] “ But then [I]77-marley got back to [[my]77-marley room]3158-my room , and there were red roses and a card asking [me]77-marley to go to [Paris]6-paris for the weekend with [him]74-tristan . ”[77-marley] [Her]77-marley eyes widen . “ Fuck , this story is just getting better and better . Did [you]0-i go ? ”[77-marley] “ Yes . ”[77-marley] [Her]77-marley eyes nearly pop from their sockets . “ And ? ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley cries . [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head , unable to believe this story [myself]0-i . “ It was incredible . [We]3447-we had the best time . ”[0-i] “ Oh [my]77-marley God , this is . . . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley shakes [her]77-marley head as [she]77-marley tries to reconcile what ’s happened . “ But today , [he]74-tristan showed up unexpectedly , and [I]77-marley ended it . ”[77-marley] “ What ? ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley screws up [her]77-marley face . “ Why ? ”[77-marley] “ Oh , come on , [Marley]77-marley . [We]3447-we both know it ’s not going anywhere . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley stares at [me]0-i . “ [He]74-tristan ’s young and handsome and [a player]769-a player . [I]77-marley ’m in bed at nine o clock on Saturday night , dead tired . [He]74-tristan does n’t do long term , and [I]77-marley ca n’t really do anything else . ”[77-marley] “ So ? ”[77-marley] “ No . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile sadly . “ [He]74-tristan ’s beautiful , but [he]74-tristan ’s at a stage where [he]74-tristan is going to want to settle down soon , and [I]0-i ’m not [the person]3449-the person . [We]3447-we are at different stages of [our]3447-we life . ”[0-i] “ Why ca n’t [you]0-i just fuck [him]74-tristan for fun , [Claire]81-claire ? ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley mutters flatly . “ Because . . . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i think on [my]0-i answer for a while . “ [You]77-marley know , [I]0-i realized something about [myself]0-i this weekend . ”[0-i] “ What ’s that ? ”[0-i] “ [I]77-marley quite liked having [someone there]3450-someone there , [you]0-i know . Talking , laughing , having sex . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley smiles sadly as [she]77-marley listens . “ And [I]77-marley might want to pursue dating again . ”[77-marley] “ Why ca n’t [you]0-i just date [Tristan]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] “ [Tristan]74-tristan does n’t date . All [he]74-tristan would do is tie [me]0-i up so [I]0-i do n’t meet [anyone else]3451-anyone else . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i remember [him]966-him dancing naked at the end of the bed . “ Perhaps if [he]74-tristan were older and had [a few kids]3412-a few kids with [another woman]3453-another woman , [I]77-marley would follow it up . But [we]3454-we are at different stages of life , and [I]77-marley ’m not holding [him]74-tristan or [myself]77-marley back by pursuing something that will never go anywhere . Trust [me]77-marley ; this is shitty for [me]77-marley , too , but [he]74-tristan is n’t someone [I]77-marley want to date long term . ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley exhales heavily . “ Yeah , [I]77-marley guess [you]0-i ’re right . Fair enough . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i take [her]77-marley hand in [mine]0-i and smile sadly . “ One weekend was enough , and [you]77-marley know what ? It did the trick . [I]0-i feel like a weight has been lifted from [my]0-i shoulders , and for the first time in a long time , [I]0-i ’m kind of looking forward to what the future may bring . Thank [you]77-marley so much for making [me]0-i go . Honestly it was so needed . ”[0-i] [We]967-we sit in silence for a moment , and [her]77-marley eyes come to [mine]0-i . “ Put [me]77-marley out of [my]77-marley misery ; was it good ? ”[77-marley] “ Ridiculously so . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ [He]0-i has a body built to please [a woman]417-a woman . [I]0-i did n’t know that [virile men like [him]0-i]3456-virile men like him existed in real life . ”[0-i] [Marley]77-marley tips [her]77-marley head back to the ceiling . “ [God]97-god , [he]0-i ’s so hot . . . [I]77-marley ca n’t stand it , ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley moans . “ [I]77-marley know . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i sigh . “ [He]0-i really is . And fun , so fun . Honestly [I]0-i ’ve never been with [a man who is so fun]3457-a man who is so fun . [I]0-i was in an orgasm high the entire weekend . ”[0-i] [Marley]77-marley sips [her]77-marley drink , deep in thought . “ Maybe [he]0-i could just fuck [me]77-marley for a while to take [his]0-i mind off [you]0-i . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i throw [my]0-i head back and laugh out loud . “ [I]77-marley ’m not joking , [Claire]81-claire . [I]77-marley need some fucking fun in [my]77-marley life , ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley mutters dryly . “ [I]77-marley ’m having a fun famine . It ’s depressing , actually . ”[77-marley] “ [Tristan]74-tristan is off limits . ”[0-i] [I]0-i clink [my]0-i glass with [hers]77-marley . [She]77-marley rolls [her]77-marley eyes . “ [You]0-i ’re such a spoilsport . [He]74-tristan was totally into [me]77-marley . ”[77-marley] “ [I]0-i do n’t doubt it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i giggle . “ [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is into [everybody]3458-everybody . ”[0-i] The drive [home]341-home from work is long , but for once , it does n’t seem it . Every day this week [I]0-i have daydreamed about [Tristan Miles]74-tristan the entire way [home]341-home . Thinking of the funny things [he]74-tristan said , the places [he]74-tristan took [me]0-i in [Paris]6-paris , [him]74-tristan speaking French , the way [he]74-tristan touched [me]0-i . The way [I]0-i touched [him]74-tristan . . . [our]970-we laughter . God , so much to think about where [he]74-tristan is concerned . Since [I]0-i saw [him]74-tristan on Monday , [I]0-i ’ve had trouble focusing . [I]0-i ’m just grateful that [we]970-we had that week together . [I]0-i wonder what kind of woman [he]74-tristan will end up with . [I]0-i smile sadly . [Lucky bitch]971-lucky bitch , whoever [she]971-lucky bitch is . [I]0-i think about [my]0-i life and how blessed [I]0-i am now that [Mom]123-mom and [Dad]98-dad have moved to be closer to [us]970-we and help [me]0-i with [the kids]3077-the kids . [Wade]85-wade and [I]0-i relocated here when [he]85-wade started [Anderson Media]2-anderson media . Neither of [us]970-we had [family]3335-family close . And now because of work [I]0-i ca n’t move . [We]970-we are effectively here alone for good . It took a long while for [Mom]123-mom and [Dad]98-dad to realize that [I]0-i was staying put . [I]0-i think [they]974-they were secretly hoping [I]0-i would pack up and move back to [Florida]27-florida , but when [they]974-they realized [I]0-i was n’t , [they]974-they sold [[their]974-they [Florida]27-florida home]975-their florida home and bought [a house not far from [mine]0-i]976-a house not far from mine . [I]0-i pull into [the driveway]910-the driveway and stare at [the house]924-the house . [I]0-i exhale heavily . It ’s extra messy today . [It]924-the house looks like [a junkyard]979-a junkyard . Bikes and skateboards and shoes everywhere . [Frigging kids]980-frigging kids . Ugh . [I]0-i grab all of [my]0-i things and walk into [the house]924-the house , and [Fletcher]96-fletcher comes marching out from [the kitchen]928-the kitchen . “ What is this ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher cries as [he]96-fletcher holds [his]96-fletcher hand up in the air . “ Huh ? ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i glance over at [Harry]141-harry and [Patrick]93-patrick . [They]983-they both look scared for [their]983-they lives . What in [the world]259-the world ? “ What are these ? ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher bellows . [I]0-i can see [he]96-fletcher has something in [his]96-fletcher hand , but [I]0-i have no idea what . “ What are [you]96-fletcher talking about , [Fletcher]96-fletcher ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Whose jocks are these that [I]96-fletcher found in [your]0-i suitcase ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher yells as [he]96-fletcher spins [Tristan]74-tristan ’s briefs on [his]96-fletcher finger . [My]0-i eyes widen . Oh shit . “ Yes , [Mom]123-mom . Who left [their]3459-their damn underwear in [your]0-i suitcase , and what exactly were [you]0-i doing in fucking [France]9-france ? ”[0-i] [My]0-i mouth falls open . “ Do not use that language with [me]0-i , [young man]3460-young man . How dare [you]3460-young man ? What were [you]3460-young man doing looking through [my]0-i suitcase ? [You]3460-young man ’re grounded . ”[0-i] “ [You]3460-young man ’re grounded , [Mom]3387-mom , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher cries . “ What the hell were [you]3460-young man doing in [France]9-france ? ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i narrow [my]0-i eyes and go to snatch the underwear from [him]96-fletcher , and [he]96-fletcher snatches it away . “ Did [you]3460-young man even go to [France]9-france , or was that a lie too ? ”[96-fletcher] [My]0-i mouth falls open . “ [You]3460-young man self - centered little . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stop [myself]0-i before [I]0-i call [him]96-fletcher a name . “ How dare [you]96-fletcher . ”[0-i] “ Oh , [I]96-fletcher dare , all right . Who is [he]96-fletcher ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher yells . “ [I]96-fletcher ’m going to kill [him]96-fletcher with [my]96-fletcher bare hands . ”[96-fletcher] Fuck ’s sake . [I]0-i march into [the kitchen]928-the kitchen with [him]96-fletcher hot on [my]0-i heels . [I]0-i pour [myself]0-i a glass of wine as [Fletcher]96-fletcher carries on and waves the underwear around like [a lunatic]986-a lunatic . “ [I]96-fletcher mean it , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher yells . “ [I]96-fletcher want [his]96-fletcher name . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i pinch the bridge of [my]0-i nose . . . God . . . [I]0-i do not need this shit . [Tristan]74-tristan [I]0-i pull [the car]371-the car up and frown as [I]0-i peer at [the house]924-the house . This ca n’t be it . [I]0-i search for [the address that [Sammia]137-sammia found for [me]0-i]989-the address that sammia found for me , and [I]0-i frown . This is the right address . Huh ? There are bikes and shit all over [the front yard]990-the front yard . [I]0-i sit in [the car]371-the car for a moment and stare at [the junkyard]992-the junkyard . There ’s no way [she]137-sammia would live [here]3039-here . [I]0-i ’m not giving up this easily . [We]994-we are not over until [I]0-i say [we]994-we are over . Oh well , guess there ’s only one way to find out . [I]0-i get out of [the car]371-the car and walk up to the front steps . [Five bikes]996-five bikes are strewed across [the front yard]990-the front yard , along with basketballs and [catcher]998-catcher ’s mitts . [I]0-i look around at all the shoes . Does a fucking centipede live [here]3039-here or something ? How many [children]336-children does [she]137-sammia have ? [I]0-i peer in through the screen door . [I]0-i can hear yelling coming from [the kitchen]928-the kitchen . That ’s weird . [I]0-i knock on the door . “ Hello ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . [I]0-i hear [Claire]93-patrick ’s voice . “ That is enough , [Fletcher]96-fletcher , ”[137-sammia] [she]137-sammia snaps . “ [I]137-sammia ’m not having this conversation with [you]96-fletcher . ”[137-sammia] Huh ? “ Hello ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i call again . “ Hello , ”[1002-a boy] [a boy]1002-a boy says as [he]1002-a boy appears in front of [me]0-i . [I]0-i stare down at [him]1002-a boy . [He]1002-a boy ’s little and has dark hair . “ Is this [the Anderson house]3462-the anderson house ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Yes . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . What the fuck — [she]137-sammia does live [here]3039-here ? “ Is . . . [Claire Anderson]81-claire [here]3039-here ? ”[137-sammia] “ Yes . That ’s [[my]1002-a boy mom]3464-my mom . ”[1002-a boy] [He]1002-a boy swings [his]1002-a boy arms from side to side as [he]1002-a boy looks up at [me]0-i , totally clueless . [I]0-i wait for [him]1002-a boy to go and get [her]137-sammia . When [he]1002-a boy does n’t , [I]0-i ask , “ Um . . . can [you]1002-a boy get [her]137-sammia for [me]0-i , please ? ”[0-i] What the hell , [kid]1004-kid ? “ Yeah , okay . ”[1002-a boy] [He]1002-a boy walks off , and [I]0-i stand at the door . . . uneasiness fills [me]0-i . This was a bad idea . [Another kid]1005-another kid comes to the door . [He]1005-another kid has curly light hair , and [he]1005-another kid glares at [me]0-i through the screen . “ Who are [you]1005-another kid ? ”[1005-another kid] “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ What do [you]1005-another kid want ? ”[0-i] Jeez . [I]0-i frown . . . [these kids]1006-these kids are rude . “ [I]0-i ’m here to see [[your]1005-another kid mother]3465-your mother . ”[0-i] “ Go away . ”[1005-another kid] [He]1005-another kid closes the door in [my]0-i face . [I]0-i frown and step back . . . what ? [I]0-i wait for [him]1005-another kid to open it back up . [He]1005-another kid does n’t . Okay . . . what just happened ? “ [Harry]141-harry . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i hear [Claire]81-claire ’s voice . “ Do n’t be rude . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire opens the door in a rush , and [her]81-claire eyes widen as [she]81-claire sees [me]0-i . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire whispers as [she]81-claire steps out onto [the porch]912-the porch and quietly closes the door behind [her]81-claire . “ This is a really bad time . [You]74-tristan need to go , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire whispers . [I]0-i can sense something is wrong with [her]81-claire . “ What ? Why ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper back . The front door opens up in a rush . “ Is this [him]1008-a big teenage kid ? ”[1008-a big teenage kid] [a big teenage kid]1008-a big teenage kid yells . [Claire]81-claire ’s face falls , and [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i look between [them]1009-them . “ Huh ? ”[0-i] “ That means yes , ”[1008-a big teenage kid] [he]1008-a big teenage kid growls . [He]1008-a big teenage kid turns [his]1008-a big teenage kid attention to [me]0-i . “ [You]0-i ! ”[1008-a big teenage kid] [the huge kid]1010-the huge kid screams . The veins are sticking out of [his]1010-the huge kid neck in anger . What the hell ? [He]1010-the huge kid looks like [the Hulk]1011-the hulk . “ [You]0-i ! ”[1008-a big teenage kid] [he]1008-a big teenage kid yells again at the top of [his]1008-a big teenage kid voice . “ [I]1008-a big teenage kid ’m going to kill [you]0-i with [my]1008-a big teenage kid bare hands . ”[1008-a big teenage kid] [My]0-i eyes widen in horror , and [I]0-i step back and stand on something — a skateboard . It rolls out from underneath [me]0-i , and [my]0-i ankle turns , and [I]0-i step back as [I]0-i fall . Then [I]0-i tumble down the six stairs . “ Ahh ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry as [I]0-i hit the ground with a thud . [Claire]81-claire runs down [the stairs]290-the stairs . “ Oh [my]81-claire God , [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[81-claire] Ouch . . . a searing pain rips through [my]0-i ankle . [The huge kid]1010-the huge kid comes running down [the stairs]290-the stairs and starts whipping [me]0-i with something across the head . “ Stay the hell away from [her]81-claire . ”[1010-the huge kid] [He]1010-the huge kid continues to hit [me]0-i . “ Stay . The . Hell . Away . ”[1010-the huge kid] [He]1010-the huge kid whips [me]0-i again and again . “ What are [you]1010-the huge kid doing ? ”[1010-the huge kid] [I]0-i cry as [I]0-i try to shield [myself]0-i from [his]1010-the huge kid onslaught . “ [Fletcher]96-fletcher ! ”[81-claire] [Claire]81-claire screams . “ Go inside [the house]924-the house . Now . ”[81-claire] [He]1010-the huge kid holds something up to [my]0-i face . “ Are these [your]0-i underpants ? ”[1010-the huge kid] [he]1010-the huge kid sneers . [My]0-i eyes widen . . . oh , hell on a cracker . This is the fucking twilight zone . “ Are [they]3467-they ? ”[1010-the huge kid] [he]1010-the huge kid cries . [He]1010-the huge kid holds them up to [my]0-i face , and when [I]0-i do n’t answer [him]1010-the huge kid , [he]1010-the huge kid gets infuriated and begins to suffocate [me]0-i with them as [he]1010-the huge kid tries to stick them in [my]0-i mouth . [I]0-i thrash on the ground as [I]0-i fight for survival . “ [Claire]81-claire ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i scream . “ What the actual fuck ? ”[0-i] “ [Fletcher]96-fletcher . Get into [the house]924-the house ! ”[1015-she] [she]1015-she screams as [she]1015-she pushes [him]1010-the huge kid off [me]0-i . [The crazed lunatic]1016-the crazed lunatic is panting , gasping for air as [he]1010-the huge kid glares at [me]0-i . “ Do n’t push [me]1010-the huge kid . . . [pretty boy]3469-pretty boy . ”[1010-the huge kid] [He]1010-the huge kid pegs the underpants as [I]0-i cover [my]0-i head with [my]0-i forearms to shield [myself]0-i from another attack , and [he]1010-the huge kid storms inside . The screen door bangs hard . [The second - oldest boy]1017-the second - oldest boy disappears into [the house]924-the house as well , and [Claire]81-claire and [the little one]1019-the little one kneel down beside [me]0-i . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , [I]81-claire am so sorry , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire whispers . “ [He]1010-the huge kid ’s in so much trouble [you]74-tristan wo n’t even believe it . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i stare at [her]81-claire as [I]0-i pant . . . what the actual fuck just happened right now ? [I]0-i go to stand up , and [my]0-i ankle gives way , and [I]0-i nearly fall . “ Oh [my]81-claire God , [you]74-tristan ’re hurt , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire whispers . [I]0-i stare at [her]81-claire deadpan . “ [I]0-i wonder why . ”[0-i] “ Because [Fletcher]96-fletcher tried to put underpants in [your]74-tristan mouth so [you]74-tristan would choke , ”[1020-the little kid] [the little kid]1020-the little kid says . “ Choke to death , ”[1020-the little kid] [he]1020-the little kid adds . “ Enough , [Patrick]93-patrick , ”[93-patrick] [Claire]93-patrick says to [him]1020-the little kid . [They]1021-they help [me]0-i up , and [I]0-i ca n’t put any weight on [my]0-i ankle . “ Come inside , and let [me]93-patrick get some ice , ”[93-patrick] [Claire]93-patrick says . “ [You]81-claire have to be kidding , ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i snap as [I]0-i pull [my]0-i arm from [her]81-claire grip . “ [I]0-i am not going in [that house]3470-that house . [That kid]3471-that kid is deranged . [He]3471-that kid almost killed [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [He]3471-that kid has anger - management issues , ”[1020-the little kid] [the little kid]1020-the little kid says . “ [Tris]74-tristan , come on . [You]74-tristan ca n’t drive anywhere like this , ”[93-patrick] [Claire]93-patrick urges . Eventually [I]0-i hop up the stairs , and [they]1023-they both help [me]0-i in and lead [me]0-i , and [I]0-i fall onto the couch . [Claire]93-patrick moves the ottoman over to [me]0-i and puts [my]0-i foot up and takes [my]0-i shoe and sock off . “ What is [he]3471-that kid doing in [[my]1024-the hulk kid house]3381-my house ? ”[1024-the hulk kid] [the Hulk kid]1024-the hulk kid says as [he]1024-the hulk kid comes storming into [the room]370-the room . “ [He]3471-that kid is [[my]93-patrick guest]3190-my guest . Go to [[your]1024-the hulk kid room]3203-your room , ”[93-patrick] [Claire]93-patrick growls . “ But — ”[93-patrick] “ So help [me]1026-i , [Fletcher]96-fletcher , [I]1026-i have never been so angry with [you]1024-the hulk kid . Go to [[your]1024-the hulk kid room]3203-your room now ! ”[1026-i] [she]1026-i screams . [He]1024-the hulk kid gives [me]0-i one last death stare and stomps up [the stairs]290-the stairs . “ [I]93-patrick ’ll get some ice , ”[93-patrick] [Claire]93-patrick says . “ [I]1026-i have to go out to [the garage freezer]3476-the garage freezer . Back in a moment . ”[1026-i] [She]1026-i disappears , and [the youngest kid]1028-the youngest kid comes and sits beside [me]0-i . So close that [he]1028-the youngest kid ’s nearly sitting on top of [me]0-i . [I]0-i edge [myself]0-i away from [him]1028-the youngest kid . [I]0-i look around [the house]924-the house in horror . The furniture is all moved to the side , and there are [huge - ass fans]1030-huge - ass fans going , facing down to the floor . The carpet has huge wet patches . . . what happened there ? Are [they]1031-they washing out a bloodstain ? The television is blaring a really loud game show , and there is some kind of art project sprawled over the coffee table . It ’s messy and chaotic . . . not what [I]0-i expected at all . Pain sears through [my]0-i ankle , and [I]0-i wince . A cat jumps up on the couch . It ’s big and ugly , and it comes over and tries to sit on [me]0-i . Eww . [I]0-i lean away from it . “ [Muff]138-muff . Get down , ”[1032-the kid] [the kid]1032-the kid says . [I]0-i look at [him]1032-the kid . “ [Your]1032-the kid cat is called [Muff]138-muff ? ”[0-i] [He]1032-the kid smiles and nods proudly . “ [He]138-muff ’s naughty . [He]138-muff pees on things . ”[1032-the kid] The cat jumps onto the ottoman and begins to lick [my]0-i foot . [I]0-i jerk it away . Ugh . [I]0-i pinch the bridge of [my]0-i nose . Good grief . [The middle kid]1033-the middle kid comes out and stands in front of [us]1034-us . “ [I]1033-the middle kid ’m watching [you]0-i , ”[1033-the middle kid] [he]1033-the middle kid whispers . [He]1033-the middle kid slices [his]1033-the middle kid finger across [his]1033-the middle kid neck as [he]1033-the middle kid narrows [his]1033-the middle kid eyes . Huh ? Fuck ’s sake . . . [she]1035-she ’s breeding [serial killers]1036-serial killers [here]3039-here . [I]0-i begin to feel faint . “ [My]1020-the little kid name is [Patrick]93-patrick , ”[1020-the little kid] [the little kid]1020-the little kid says . “ Hi , [Patrick]93-patrick , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply as [I]0-i keep [my]0-i eye on [the serial - killer kid]1039-the serial - killer kid , and [I]0-i gesture to [him]1039-the serial - killer kid . “ What ’s [your]1039-the serial - killer kid name ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [Your]0-i worst nightmare , ”[1039-the serial - killer kid] [he]1039-the serial - killer kid whispers darkly in a monster voice . [I]0-i frown . . . what the hell is up with [this kid]1040-this kid ? “ What a stupid name , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper back . “ [His]141-harry name is [Harry]141-harry , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick says . “ Yeah , well , [Harry]141-harry is psychotic , ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i reply with [my]0-i eyes locked on [Harry]141-harry . [I]0-i tap [my]0-i temple . “ Weirdo , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mouth . [Harry]141-harry makes crazy eyes and puts [his]141-harry hands around [his]141-harry own throat and begins to choke [himself]141-harry as [I]0-i watch . [He]141-harry makes choking noises and falls to the floor and then plays dead . What the . . . ? [I]0-i stare at [his]141-harry lifeless body on the floor . [I]0-i ’m not even joking ; [this kid]1040-this kid is fucking deranged . [Claire]93-patrick comes rushing in from [a room at the back]1042-a room at the back . “ Oh [my]93-patrick God , [Tris]74-tristan . [I]93-patrick did n’t have any ice , so [we]3477-we will have to use a bag of peas . ”[93-patrick] [She]1043-she places them on [my]0-i foot . [My]0-i ankle is now the size of a football and throbbing like a bitch . “ Get up , [Harry]141-harry , ”[93-patrick] [Claire]93-patrick says as [she]1043-she tends to [me]0-i . [He]141-harry gets up and runs out of [the room]370-the room , and [I]0-i stare after [him]141-harry . [I]0-i do n’t trust [that kid]3471-that kid . Something is seriously off here . [I]0-i need to keep [my]0-i wits about [me]0-i in [this house]1046-this house . . . the end is near . The corner of the bag of peas is open , and they spill all over the floor . A dog comes running through [the house]924-the house with a bucket tied to its head and begins to eat the frozen peas off the floor . “ Woofy , ”[93-patrick] [Claire]93-patrick calls . “ No , [boy]3478-boy . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i watch in horror . What is [this godforsaken place]1048-this godforsaken place ? [Savages]139-savages . . . [The middle child]1049-the middle child — what ’s [his]1049-the middle child name , [Harry?—comes]140-harry?—comes back into [the room]370-the room with what looks like a dressing gown cord and a teddy bear . [He]1049-the middle child sits opposite [me]0-i , and [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i watch [him]1049-the middle child . What the hell is [he]1049-the middle child doing now ? “ [I]93-patrick ’ll drive [you]3478-boy [home]341-home , [Tris]74-tristan , ”[93-patrick] [Claire]93-patrick says . [My]0-i eyes are locked on [the evil kid]1051-the evil kid . [He]1049-the middle child ties the cord around the teddy bear ’s neck . “ [You]3478-boy ’ll have to leave [[your]3478-boy car]3480-your car [here]3039-here , ”[93-patrick] [Claire]93-patrick continues . [The kid]1032-the kid stands on the couch across from [me]0-i and lets the bear drop . It hangs by the noose . “ Broken neck . . . [he]1032-the kid ’s dead , ”[1032-the kid] [he]1032-the kid whispers . Get out . . . get out . . . get out of [the fucking house]1053-the fucking house . [I]0-i stand in a rush and trip over the dog , who is eating the peas . “ Fuck , ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry in pain . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , [you]74-tristan ca n’t drive , ”[93-patrick] [Claire]93-patrick gasps . “ Well , [I]0-i ’m not fucking staying [here]3039-here , ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . [I]0-i hop out the front door and take one last look around . [I]0-i never knew what hell looked like . Now [I]0-i do . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , come back . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hop out onto [the porch]912-the porch . “ Goodbye , [Claire]93-patrick , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . It was nice knowing [you]93-patrick . Chapter 10 [I]0-i lie on the couch with [my]0-i foot raised . [I]0-i have an ice pack on it , and it ’s throbbing and swollen . This is just great . How in the hell am [I]0-i supposed to work when [I]0-i ca n’t even get a shoe on ? The swelling had better go down overnight . [I]0-i ’m sure it ’ll be fine . [I]0-i rearrange the ice pack and lie back down . [My]0-i mind goes over this afternoon and what [I]0-i saw at [[Claire]93-patrick ’s house]1055-claire ’s house . [I]0-i have no words . None that will make [me]0-i less shocked , anyway . When [she]1056-she said [she]1056-she had [three sons]349-three sons , [I]0-i was picturing [cute little kids who play with LEGOs]1058-cute little kids who play with legos . How wrong could [I]0-i be ? [[Her]1056-she children]1059-her children are nearly [grown men]1060-grown men — [angry grown men]1061-angry grown men . . . [ones who hate [me]0-i]1062-ones who hate me . [I]0-i get a vision of [the house]924-the house and the pets and [the psychotic kids]1064-the psychotic kids , and [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head in disgust . [She]1056-she said [we]1065-we were at different stages of [our]1065-we lives , and [I]0-i really did n’t understand what [she]1056-she meant . [I]0-i get it now . [We]1065-we have nothing in common . . . apart from [our]1065-we sense of humor , of course — but as a whole . . . it ’s not enough , and to be honest , it pisses [me]0-i off . [We]1065-we could have had something . [We]1065-we could have had something fucking great . [Claire Anderson]81-claire is near perfect . However , the life [she]81-claire has . . . is not , and [I]0-i do n’t want to be around [those feral kids]1066-those feral kids for even ten minutes . [I]0-i hate that [she]81-claire has to deal with [them]1066-those feral kids alone . [She]81-claire has so much weight on [her]81-claire shoulders , and [I]0-i do n’t know how [she]81-claire bears it . What must it be like to be [her]81-claire ? It ’s not [your]1067-your problem . [I]0-i get a shiver as [I]0-i picture [the middle child]1049-the middle child , and [I]0-i hate to admit it , but [the violent oldest one]1069-the violent oldest one seemed almost normal compared to [that serial killer in the making]1070-that serial killer in the making . [I]0-i get a vision of [him]1069-the violent oldest one hanging the teddy bear . What the hell was that about ? Did [I]0-i imagine it ? [My]0-i phone dances across the coffee table , and [I]0-i pick it up to see the name [Claire]81-claire . Shit . “ Hello , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ Hi , [Tris]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [My]0-i face falls into a sad smile at the sound of [her]81-claire voice . Fuck it . . . why does [she]81-claire have [kids]3313-kids . . . animals — whatever the hell [they]3313-kids are ? “ [I]81-claire called to see if [you]0-i ’re okay , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire says . “ Yeah , [I]81-claire ’m fine . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i sigh . “ Oh [my]0-i gosh , [Tristan]74-tristan , [I]0-i am so sorry . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stay silent . “ [He]1072-he ’s just super protective over [me]81-claire and had just found underpants in [my]81-claire luggage . [They]3483-they must have gotten mixed up when [I]81-claire had [my]81-claire laundry done , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire lies , and [I]0-i know [he]1072-he must be listening . “ [He]1072-he had a momentary slipup with [his]1072-he temper . ”[1072-he] “ Yeah , [I]1072-he was there , [Claire]81-claire . [I]1072-he saw it , remember ? Firsthand , actually . Have the ankle to prove it . ”[1072-he] “ Anyway , [he]1072-he wants to speak to [you]0-i , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire says . “ No , that ’s . . . ”[81-claire] “ Hello , ”[1072-he] [he]1072-he says . [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Hello , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . [He]1072-he exhales heavily , and [I]0-i get a vision of [Claire]81-claire standing over [him]1072-he , making [him]1072-he do this . “ [I]1072-he ’m sorry . [I]1072-he was out of line this afternoon , ”[1072-he] [he]1072-he says . “ [I]1072-he do n’t know what came over [me]1072-he . ”[1072-he] “ [I]0-i could have [you]1072-he charged with assault , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . [He]1072-he stays silent . “ [I]1072-he ’m just [[[your]0-i mother]3465-your mother ’s friend from work]3485-your mother ’s friend from work . [You]0-i jumped to the wrong conclusion . It was completely out of line . ”[1072-he] No answer . “ Anything else ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap in frustration . “ Nope . ”[0-i] “ So that ’s [your]0-i apology ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Yep . ”[0-i] “ Is [[your]1072-he mother]3465-your mother there making [you]1072-he call [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ Yep . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]1072-he really sorry ? ”[0-i] “ No . ”[0-i] [I]0-i narrow [my]0-i eyes . . . what [I]0-i really want to blurt out is [I]0-i screwed [[your]1073-your mother]3465-your mother every which way , and [she]3465-your mother fucking loved every inch of [my]0-i cock , [you]1073-your little shit . But [I]0-i wo n’t . [I]0-i ’ll be [the adult]1075-the adult [here]3039-here . “ Do [you]0-i want to speak to [Mom]123-mom again ? ”[0-i] [he]0-i asks . [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i contemplate the question , and [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes in regret . Eventually [I]0-i reply , “ No , that ’s okay . Thanks for calling . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hang up . [I]0-i stare at the phone in [my]0-i hands for a moment . [I]0-i get a vision of [Claire]81-claire on the other end . Did [she]81-claire want to speak to [me]0-i ? [My]0-i mind goes over how much [she]81-claire has on [her]81-claire plate : work , financial difficulties — and that ’s aside from bringing up on [her]81-claire own three boys who have obvious troubles . [I]0-i feel for [her]81-claire . [I]0-i throw [my]0-i phone onto the couch and drag [myself]0-i up . [I]0-i put [my]0-i foot down to test it , and a shooting pain sears through [me]0-i . Fuck ’s sake , [stupid kid]1077-stupid kid . It ’s eleven o’clock the next morning when [I]0-i hobble in to work on crutches . [Jameson]113-jameson is standing in reception . [His]113-jameson face falls when [he]113-jameson sees [me]0-i , and [he]113-jameson follows [me]0-i into [[my]0-i office]298-my office . “ What happened to [you]0-i ? ”[113-jameson] “ Do n’t ask . ”[0-i] [I]0-i fall into [my]0-i seat , annoyed . “ What have [you]0-i done ? ”[0-i] “ Torn ligaments . Pulled a piece of bone off when it snapped . ”[113-jameson] [He]113-jameson winces . “ Ouch . How did [you]0-i do that ? ”[113-jameson] [I]0-i drag [my]0-i hand down [my]0-i face . “ [A kid]3487-a kid beat [me]113-jameson up with underpants . ”[113-jameson] “ [He]3487-a kid what ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile and pinch the bridge of [my]0-i nose . “ [I]0-i went to the twilight zone yesterday , [Jameson]113-jameson . ”[0-i] “ How so ? ”[113-jameson] “ Let [me]113-jameson set the tone of [the kind of people [I]113-jameson ’m dealing with [here]3039-here]3488-the kind of people i ’m dealing with here . ”[113-jameson] [He]113-jameson frowns in question . “ [They]3488-the kind of people i ’m dealing with here have a cat called [Muff]138-muff , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . [He]113-jameson stares at [me]0-i flatly . “ What kind of [deranged , sick , fucked - up , twisted person]3490-deranged , sick , fucked - up , twisted person calls [a family pussy]3491-a family pussy . . . [Muff]138-muff ? ”[113-jameson] “ What are [you]0-i talking about ? ”[113-jameson] [He]113-jameson frowns . “ So [I]113-jameson met [this chick]3492-this chick at the conference in [France]9-france . ”[113-jameson] [I]0-i exhale heavily . “ [She]3492-this chick was perfect . ”[0-i] [He]113-jameson rolls [his]113-jameson eyes . “ Here [we]3493-we go , ”[113-jameson] [he]113-jameson mutters dryly . “ Ticked boxes that [I]113-jameson did n’t even know existed . Smart and funny . Hot as fuck . ”[113-jameson] [I]0-i turn [my]0-i computer on . “ Small problem , though — [she]3492-this chick has [three kids]3153-three kids . ”[0-i] [He]113-jameson winces . “ So [we]3493-we get back [here]3039-here . [She]3492-this chick tells [me]113-jameson [she]3492-this chick ’s ending it because of [[her]3492-this chick kids]3496-her kids . Saying that [we]3493-we come from [different worlds]3497-different worlds , blah , blah , blah . ”[113-jameson] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . [Jameson]113-jameson smiles and takes a seat at [my]0-i desk , [his]113-jameson interest piqued . “ [I]113-jameson do n’t believe [her]3492-this chick reasoning , so [I]113-jameson followed [her]3492-this chick [home]341-home from work yesterday . ”[113-jameson] “ What ? [You]113-jameson followed [her]3492-this chick [home]341-home ? ”[113-jameson] [He]113-jameson frowns . [I]0-i shrug . “ Little bit . Well , [Sammia]137-sammia found [her]3492-this chick address , actually . Anyway , [I]0-i get to [[her]3492-this chick house]3500-her house . It ’s like [a junkyard]979-a junkyard ; there ’s shit everywhere . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wave [my]0-i hands around as [I]0-i try to explain the enormity of the mess . “ Shoes and bikes and fuck . . . everything under the sun . ”[0-i] [He]113-jameson frowns as [he]113-jameson listens intently . “ So [[her]3492-this chick kid]3502-her kid comes rushing out , but [he]3502-her kid is n’t [a kid]3487-a kid . ”[113-jameson] [My]0-i eyes widen . “ [He]3502-her kid ’s [a fucking man - child]3504-a fucking man - child . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hold [my]0-i hands up to show [him]113-jameson how tall . “ [He]3502-her kid starts whipping [me]0-i with a pair of underpants that [I]0-i left in [her]3492-this chick suitcase . ”[0-i] [Jameson]113-jameson ’s eyes widen , and [he]113-jameson smiles . “ So [I]113-jameson step back in shock , tread on a skateboard , and go flying down [the stairs]290-the stairs . ”[113-jameson] [Jameson]113-jameson chuckles . “ Only to have [that crazy motherfucking kid]3506-that crazy motherfucking kid jump on [me]113-jameson and try to shove [my]113-jameson own underpants in [my]113-jameson mouth . ”[113-jameson] [Jameson]113-jameson tips [his]113-jameson head back and laughs out loud . “ There ’s more , ”[113-jameson] [I]0-i stammer . “ That ’s not even the worst part . ”[0-i] [Jameson]113-jameson is laughing hard now . “ [They]3507-they take [me]113-jameson inside . [She]3492-this chick sends [that child]3508-that child to [[his]3508-that child room]359-his room , and then [she]3492-this chick goes to get ice , and then [another kid]1005-another kid comes out . ”[113-jameson] [I]0-i picture [his]113-jameson face , and [my]0-i eyes widen . “ [This kid]1040-this kid . . . is fucking evil , [man]3512-man , [I]113-jameson ’m telling [you]3512-man . ”[113-jameson] “ What ’s [his]1040-this kid name ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i try to remember it . “ Same as [that nerdy wizard kid]3513-that nerdy wizard kid . . . [the one with glasses]3514-the one with glasses . ”[0-i] [I]0-i click [my]0-i fingers as [I]0-i try to think . “ Who ? [Harry Potter]141-harry ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , that ’s it . [His]1040-this kid name is [Harry]141-harry . ”[113-jameson] [Jameson]113-jameson smiles broadly . “ [He]1040-this kid starts slicing [his]1040-this kid neck with [his]1040-this kid finger . ”[113-jameson] [Jameson]113-jameson stops laughing , shocked . “ Then [he]1040-this kid puts [his]1040-this kid hands around [his]1040-this kid throat and begins to choke [himself]1040-this kid until [he]1040-this kid fakes [his]1040-this kid death , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ What ? ”[0-i] [Jameson]113-jameson screws up [his]113-jameson face . “ That is weird . ”[113-jameson] “ Oh , [you]113-jameson think ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . “ Then [he]1040-this kid runs away and comes back with a tie thing and a teddy bear , and [I]0-i watch as [he]1040-this kid ties a noose around [its]1040-this kid neck and then hangs it . ”[0-i] [Jameson]113-jameson ’s eyes hold [mine]0-i for an extended time . [He]113-jameson ’s as confused as [I]0-i am . “ [He]1040-this kid did what ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i cross [my]0-i fingers over [my]0-i chest . “ As [God]97-god is [[my]0-i witness]3515-my witness . This shit really happened . ”[0-i] [Jameson]113-jameson laughs out loud in shock . “ And the dog , ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry . “ [The poor fucking dog]3516-the poor fucking dog . ”[0-i] “ What ’s wrong with the dog ? ”[0-i] “ [They]3517-they have a fucking bucket thing tied to its head . ”[113-jameson] “ What for ? ”[0-i] “ To torture it . . . why else ? ”[113-jameson] [His]113-jameson face falls , and [he]113-jameson stares at [me]0-i . “ What ? ”[113-jameson] “ [I]113-jameson ’m not even joking . . . [I]113-jameson got out to [the car]371-the car and considered going back in on a mercy mission and stealing [the poor bastard]3519-the poor bastard to save [it]3519-the poor bastard . [He]3519-the poor bastard was eating peas , [Jameson]113-jameson . Fucking peas , [I]113-jameson tell [you]113-jameson . ”[113-jameson] [Jameson]113-jameson tips [his]113-jameson head back and laughs hard . [I]0-i put [my]0-i head into [my]0-i hands . “ [I]0-i ’m sorry , [Woofy]135-woofy . ”[0-i] “ [His]3519-the poor bastard name is [Woofy]135-woofy ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod sadly . [He]113-jameson howls with laughter as [he]113-jameson really loses control . “ What did [you]113-jameson do ? ”[113-jameson] [I]0-i exhale heavily . “ [I]0-i did what [any self - respecting man]3520-any self - respecting man does when [his]3520-any self - respecting man life is in danger . ”[0-i] “ What ’s that ? ”[113-jameson] “ [I]0-i got the fuck out of [there]3088-there . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i drove [home]341-home with that ankle ? ”[113-jameson] [he]113-jameson asks in surprise . “ Sped the entire way . ”[113-jameson] [Jameson]113-jameson laughs hard . “ No more [MILFs]142-milfs for [me]113-jameson . ”[113-jameson] [I]0-i hold [my]0-i hands in the air . “ [I]0-i ’m done . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn to [my]0-i computer . “ In fact , [I]0-i do n’t even think [I]0-i want [kids]3313-kids now . [I]0-i ’m scarred for life . ”[0-i] A melancholy comes over [me]0-i . “ [You]0-i know , [I]113-jameson knew [she]3524-she was [a widow]3525-a widow and had it tough , but [I]113-jameson never imagined it was this bad . ”[113-jameson] [Jameson]113-jameson watches [me]0-i . “ [She]3524-she was probably thinking of [you]0-i when [she]3524-she ended it . ”[113-jameson] “ Yeah , [I]0-i guess . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ Anyway , in another life [she]3524-she ’s [the perfect woman]3526-the perfect woman . It ’s [her]3524-she circumstances that have fucked it . ”[0-i] It ’s ten o’clock on Thursday morning , and [someone]3143-someone knocks on [[my]0-i office]298-my office door . “ Come in . ”[3143-someone] [Sammia]137-sammia walks in , and [I]0-i smile . [Sammia]137-sammia is [[[my]0-i brother]530-my brother ’s PA]1082-my brother ’s pa and [the sunshine of [[our]1084-our office]1085-our office]1083-the sunshine of our office . [She]137-sammia works out at reception and keeps [us]1084-our all in order . “ [Tris]74-tristan , [your]74-tristan intern interviews are here . ”[0-i] [I]0-i keep typing . “ Okay , what number did [we]1084-our narrow it down to ? ”[0-i] “ With all the testing and the two interviews [they]3527-they have already done down on level forty , there are [three final candidates]3528-three final candidates . ”[137-sammia] “ Yes , okay , which one do [you]137-sammia like ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]137-sammia like [Rebecca]143-rebecca , ”[137-sammia] [she]137-sammia says . “ [I]137-sammia think [she]143-rebecca has what it takes . ”[137-sammia] “ Well , to get this far , [they]3527-they all have what it takes , but let ’s see who interviews the best . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take out the intern - interview file . Every year [we]1084-our take just one on in the management level . It ’s the opportunity of a lifetime . [Kids]3313-kids travel across [the States]1087-the states to be taken under [our]1084-our wing . All [[our]1084-our past kids]1088-our past kids have gone on to great success , and most of [them]1088-our past kids are in managerial positions . “ To be honest [I]0-i have n’t even had time to go through any of the interview notes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i admit . “ That ’s okay . ”[0-i] [Sammia]137-sammia smiles . “ It ’s not like it ’s [your]0-i first rodeo . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ Send [the first one]3529-the first one in . ”[0-i] “ Okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i open the file and take out the relevant questions that [I]0-i need to ask . [I]0-i ready [my]0-i notepad and pen . A light knock sounds at the door . “ Come in . ”[1089-you] The door opens , and [I]0-i glance up . [My]0-i face falls . It ’s [him]1089-you . [The underpants attacker]1090-the underpants attacker . [Our]1091-our mouths fall open in shock at the same time . “ [You]1089-you ’re . . . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan ? ”[1089-you] [he]1089-you gasps , horrified . “ Are [you]1089-you kidding [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [I]0-i ca n’t even fucking walk because of [you]1089-you , and now [you]1089-you turn up here looking for a damn job ? ”[0-i] “ Trust [me]1089-you . [I]1089-you did n’t know it was [you]0-i , ”[1089-you] [he]1089-you snaps back . “ Or [you]1089-you would n’t have attacked [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i gasp . “ No , [I]0-i would have still attacked [you]1089-you ; [I]0-i would n’t have come today . ”[0-i] [I]0-i throw [my]0-i head back in disgust . “ Are [you]0-i kidding [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [He]1089-you folds [his]1089-you arms and narrows [his]1089-you eyes . “ So . . . [you]0-i were lying . ”[1089-you] “ About what ? ”[1089-you] “ [You]1089-you do n’t know [[my]1089-you mother]762-my mother from work at all . ”[1089-you] “ Yes , [I]1089-you do , and why the hell are [we]3531-we talking about [[your]1089-you mother]3465-your mother now ? ”[1089-you] “ Why did [you]1089-you come to [[my]1089-you house]3381-my house to see [her]3465-your mother ? Why did n’t [you]1089-you just see [her]3465-your mother at [[her]3465-your mother office]3534-her office ? ”[1089-you] “ First of all . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i point to the chair . “ Sit down , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap as [I]0-i grab [my]0-i crutches and move them out of [his]1092-he way . [He]1092-he falls into [his]1092-he seat . “ Second of all , last time [I]1092-he looked , it ’s [[[your]1089-you mother]3465-your mother ’s house]3536-your mother ’s house . And thirdly , it ’s none of [your]1089-you business why [I]1092-he wanted to talk to [her]3465-your mother . [My]1092-he ankle is completely fucked , by the way ; thank [you]0-i for asking . ”[1092-he] [He]1092-he smirks . “ [You]0-i think this is funny ? ”[1092-he] “ No , [I]0-i think [you]1092-he ’re [a lying jerk]3537-a lying jerk . [They]3538-they were totally [your]1092-he underpants , and [you]1092-he can stick [your]1092-he job up [your]1092-he entitled ass . [I]0-i do n’t want it anyway . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . Why am [I]0-i not surprised by [his]1092-he attitude ? “ [I]1093-i will . ”[1093-i] [We]1093-i glare at [each other]286-each other . “ Do n’t tell [[my]1093-i mom]3464-my mom that [I]1093-i came [here]3039-here today . ”[1093-i] [I]0-i frown . “ [She]3464-my mom does n’t know ? ”[0-i] “ No , and [I]1092-he would appreciate it if [she]3464-my mom did n’t find out . ”[1092-he] “ Why did n’t [you]1092-he tell [her]3464-my mom ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i was going to surprise [her]3464-my mom if [I]0-i got the job . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare at [him]1092-he as [I]0-i process [his]1092-he words . “ Why would n’t [you]1092-he tell [her]3464-my mom [you]1092-he were going for this ? Applications have been going on for months . ”[1092-he] [His]1092-he eyes drop to the carpet . “ [I]1092-he did n’t want [her]3464-my mom to be disappointed when [I]1092-he did n’t get it . ”[1092-he] “ [She]3464-my mom would n’t be disappointed if [you]1092-he did n’t get the job . [I]1092-he know that for a fact . ”[1092-he] [His]1092-he jaw clenches as [he]1092-he stares at the carpet in front of [us]1095-us . “ Why would [you]1092-he want this job ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]1092-he want to learn what to do and take over [Anderson Media]2-anderson media . ”[1092-he] [He]1092-he pauses . “ So [she]3464-my mom does n’t have to work so hard . ”[1092-he] [I]0-i stare at [him]1092-he . “ [She]3464-my mom does enough . ”[1092-he] [He]1092-he scuffs [his]1092-he shoe on the carpet . “ [I]1092-he do n’t want [her]3464-my mom to have to worry anymore . ”[1092-he] [My]0-i heart drops . “ [You]1092-he think [you]1092-he have to protect [[your]1092-he mother]3465-your mother ? ”[1092-he] “ [I]1092-he do n’t think it ; [I]1092-he know it . ”[1092-he] [He]1092-he stands . “ It ’s okay . ”[1092-he] [He]1092-he exhales deeply . “ [I]1092-he wo n’t waste [your]0-i time . ”[1092-he] [He]1092-he ’s right ; [he]1092-he does have to protect [her]1096-her . [She]1096-her ’s worth protecting . [I]0-i watch [him]1092-he for a moment , and [I]0-i hate to admit it , but [I]0-i ’m strangely impressed by [his]1092-he loyalty to [Claire]81-claire . “ Sorry about [your]0-i ankle , ”[1092-he] [he]1092-he says . “ Are [you]0-i really ? ”[1092-he] “ Nope . ”[1092-he] [He]1092-he stares at [me]0-i . “ Do n’t tell [me]1092-he [you]0-i would n’t do the same if [you]0-i found [someone]3143-someone ’s underwear in [[your]0-i mother]3465-your mother ’s bag . ”[1092-he] “ No , actually , [I]0-i would n’t , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter dryly . “ Because . . . [I]0-i ’m not psychotic . ”[0-i] [He]1092-he rolls [his]1092-he eyes . “ Whatever . ”[1092-he] [He]1092-he walks toward the door . “ [Intern interviewees]3544-intern interviewees usually shake [my]0-i hand , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call after [him]1092-he . “ Not this one . ”[0-i] [He]1092-he turns and leaves . The door clicks quietly behind [him]1092-he . [I]0-i stare at the door [he]1092-he just left through for a moment , and then finally [I]0-i push the intercom . “ [Sammia]137-sammia , send in the second interview , please . ”[0-i] “ Sure thing . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes drop to look at the interview - rating - system sheet in front of [me]0-i , and [I]0-i exhale heavily . How the fuck do [I]0-i even rate that ? [I]0-i stare at [my]0-i computer screen . It ’s been five days since [I]0-i interviewed [the three finalists]1097-the three finalists . Five days of [me]0-i fighting [myself]0-i over who [I]0-i want to hire . [Rebecca]143-rebecca is fantastic . [She]143-rebecca would be an asset to any business , and [I]0-i will be offering [her]143-rebecca a position regardless of whether [she]143-rebecca gets this role . [Joel]144-joel , [the other candidate]1098-the other candidate , was perfect on paper . [His]144-joel psychometric testing was spot on , and [he]144-joel blitzed every question with a practiced perfection . Then there was [Fletcher Anderson]96-fletcher . [He]96-fletcher did n’t even want to do the interview . [He]96-fletcher would n’t shake [my]0-i hand and near fucking killed [me]0-i with barely an apology . [He]96-fletcher ’s crazy and wild and everything [I]0-i do n’t have the time or energy to train . [He]96-fletcher also had more passion in [his]96-fletcher little finger than [the other two]1099-the other two had combined . No matter how hard [I]0-i try to talk [myself]0-i out of it , [he]96-fletcher ’s the one [I]0-i keep going back to . [He]96-fletcher ’s the one with loyalty to [family]3335-family , albeit . . . mishandled . Media is in [his]96-fletcher blood , and [he]96-fletcher has a real opportunity to take over [Anderson Media]2-anderson media one day as [the CEO]1101-the ceo . . . that ’s if [the company]3076-the company holds out that long . [I]0-i know it will . [Claire]81-claire ’s got this . With [his]96-fletcher passion and temper and the right training , [we]1103-we could make [him]96-fletcher [the best damn CEO in [New York]5-new york]1104-the best damn ceo in new york . [I]0-i exhale heavily as [I]0-i go over the pros and cons of [each candidate]1105-each candidate again , hoping by some miracle to find something good about [the other two]1099-the other two — and there is , but there ’s just an untapped quality that [Fletcher]96-fletcher has . But then [he]96-fletcher has major anger issues , and [I]0-i will perhaps be forced to fire [him]96-fletcher down the track anyway . Two steps forward , one step back . [I]0-i even tried to call [Rebecca]143-rebecca to offer [her]143-rebecca the position yesterday , but when it came to making the call , [I]0-i could n’t do it . [My]0-i head says [he]96-fletcher ’s too hard and to let it go ; [my]0-i gut is telling [me]0-i [he]96-fletcher ’s [the one]3230-the one . Decisions , decisions . [Claire Patrick]93-patrick lies on [my]0-i bed as [I]0-i fold the washing and stack it all around [him]96-fletcher in piles . “ Read that line again , [Paddy]93-patrick , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [The house]924-the house was in the ha . . . ha . . . ha . . . ”[0-i] [He]96-fletcher frowns as [he]96-fletcher concentrates . “ Sound it out , ”[0-i] [I]0-i remind [him]96-fletcher . “ Ham - p - tons . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher accentuates the s at the end . “ Yes , [you]0-i got it . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher smiles proudly and keeps going . [Patrick]93-patrick has just this year been diagnosed with dyslexia . And to be honest , once [we]1108-we got that diagnosis , it was a huge relief for [me]0-i . [[His]93-patrick teachers]1109-his teachers and [I]0-i could n’t work out why [he]93-patrick could n’t read and why some tasks at [school]3101-school were so hard for [him]93-patrick when [he]93-patrick ’s obviously so bright . In the end , [I]0-i took [him]93-patrick to [a therapist]1111-a therapist , and [she]1111-a therapist discovered it . “ All al . . . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick frowns . “ Long , ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick continues . [Fletcher]96-fletcher walks into [the room]370-the room . [He]96-fletcher ’s fighting a smile . “ What ? ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i keep folding . “ [I]96-fletcher ’ve decided that [I]96-fletcher ’m deferring university . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i throw a newly folded towel onto the pile . “ Well , that ’s not happening . ”[0-i] “ Yes , it is . [I]96-fletcher ’m eighteen next month , [Mom]123-mom . [I]96-fletcher can do what [I]96-fletcher like . ”[96-fletcher] “ [Fletcher Anderson]96-fletcher , [you]96-fletcher are way too smart to have a year off doing nothing . [I]0-i ’m not even discussing this with [you]96-fletcher . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i got an internship . ”[0-i] [My]0-i face falls . “ What do [you]96-fletcher mean ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i applied six months ago and made it to the final three . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i stare at [him]96-fletcher . “ Why did n’t [you]96-fletcher tell [me]96-fletcher ? ”[96-fletcher] “ [I]0-i did n’t want [you]96-fletcher to get [your]96-fletcher hopes up . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile and take [his]96-fletcher face in [my]0-i hands . “ [Fletch]145-fletch , when are [you]96-fletcher going to stop worrying about [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i fold another towel . “ So when is the final interview ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i already had it . ”[0-i] [My]0-i face falls again . “ What ? When ? ”[0-i] “ Wednesday , in [New York]5-new york . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i stare at [him]96-fletcher . “ How did [you]96-fletcher do this without [me]96-fletcher knowing ? ”[96-fletcher] “ Caught [the train]3546-the train . Anyway , [I]0-i did n’t think [I]0-i had a chance after Monday and the way [we]3547-we met . ”[0-i] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face in confusion . “ What do [you]96-fletcher mean ? ”[0-i] “ It ’s with [Miles Media]78-miles media . ”[96-fletcher] “ [You]96-fletcher got an internship with [Miles Media]78-miles media ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i gasp . “ Yep . ”[0-i] [He]96-fletcher smiles proudly . “ [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is [[my]96-fletcher new boss]3548-my new boss . ”[96-fletcher] [My]0-i eyes widen in horror . “ What ? No , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [You]96-fletcher ca n’t work with [him]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i throw the next towel on the pile with force . “ Forget it . ”[0-i] “ [Mom]123-mom , [they]78-miles media ’re [the best media company in [the world]259-the world]3549-the best media company in the world . It ’s a big deal for [me]0-i to get this . [They]78-miles media had over [four thousand applicants]3551-four thousand applicants . ”[0-i] “ [You]96-fletcher tried to shove underpants in [his]96-fletcher mouth , [Fletcher]96-fletcher , ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry . “ How can [you]96-fletcher walk into [that office]3552-that office and not be ashamed of [yourself]96-fletcher ? ”[0-i] “ It ’s okay . [I]0-i apologized , remember ? ”[0-i] “ No , it ’s not okay . It will never be okay . It ’s the most embarrassing thing [I]0-i ’ve ever witnessed . [You]96-fletcher ca n’t work [there]3088-there ; [I]0-i forbid it . ”[0-i] [Fletcher]96-fletcher ’s a firecracker . [I]0-i do n’t want [him]96-fletcher embarrassing [me]0-i further . [I]0-i get a vision of [him]96-fletcher losing [his]96-fletcher temper at work , and [I]0-i shiver in mortification . This is [my]0-i worst nightmare . “ [I]96-fletcher am , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher snaps . “ [You]0-i ca n’t stop [me]96-fletcher . ”[96-fletcher] “ [I]0-i can and [I]0-i will , ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry . “ [I]0-i want to learn from the best . [I]0-i want to run [Anderson Media]2-anderson media one day ; [they]2-anderson media can teach [me]0-i how . ”[0-i] “ All [they]2-anderson media are going to teach [you]96-fletcher , [Fletcher]96-fletcher , is how to be ruthless . ”[96-fletcher] “ And that ’s exactly what [I]0-i want to learn . ”[0-i] [I]0-i glare at [him]96-fletcher . “ [You]96-fletcher call [Tristan Miles]74-tristan back and tell [him]74-tristan to stick [his]74-tristan job where the sun does n’t shine . ”[0-i] [I]0-i ’m so angry with [that man]3170-that man for going behind [my]0-i back on this that [I]0-i ca n’t even stand it . [He]3170-that man should have called [me]0-i to tell [me]0-i about the interview . Ever since [he]3170-that man met [[my]0-i kids]617-my kids , [I]0-i have n’t heard from [him]3170-that man . Not that [I]0-i wanted to , but anyway , it ’s the principle of the situation . And now , for [him]3170-that man to not call [me]0-i but to offer [[my]0-i son]1115-my son a job as some kind of poor excuse for [him]3170-that man being [a wimp who hates [kids]3313-kids]1116-a wimp who hates kids ? [He]3170-that man was so hot for [me]0-i and came to [[my]0-i house]3381-my house , and after one meeting with [[my]0-i children]602-my children . . . boom . Cold as ice . [I]0-i should have known to expect it — actually , who am [I]0-i kidding ? [I]0-i did . [The beautiful man [I]0-i met in [France]9-france]1120-the beautiful man i met in france is n’t [the cold man who lives in [New York]5-new york]1121-the cold man who lives in new york . [They]1122-they are worlds apart . [The man in [France]9-france [I]0-i adore]1123-the man in france i adore ; [the man in [New York]5-new york]1124-the man in new york [I]0-i despise . [I]0-i do n’t want [him]1124-the man in new york near [Fletcher]96-fletcher , and [I]0-i most definitely do n’t want [Fletcher]96-fletcher to learn business ethics from [him]1124-the man in new york . The notion is preposterous . [I]0-i fold [my]0-i towels with force . [I]0-i do n’t care about [Tristan Miles]74-tristan anyway . It ’s not like [I]0-i wanted anything , but [he]74-tristan definitely put a dent in [my]0-i ego . [I]0-i know [he]74-tristan ’s brilliant , and [I]0-i know that [Wade]85-wade would be supporting this . But [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is cold and calculating in the business world . [I]0-i do n’t want [Fletcher]96-fletcher ’s first position to be with [him]74-tristan . [He]96-fletcher ’s so impressionable , and [I]0-i do n’t want [him]96-fletcher thinking that the cutthroat [Miles Media]78-miles media ’s focus is normal . It ’s a disaster waiting to happen . “ [I]96-fletcher start on Monday , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher snaps . “ Over [my]96-fletcher dead body . ”[96-fletcher] Chapter 11 [I]0-i straighten [Fletcher]96-fletcher ’s tie . “ Now remember , ask for help if [you]96-fletcher do n’t know what to do . ”[0-i] “ Yes , [Mom]3387-mom . ”[0-i] [I]0-i dust [his]96-fletcher shoulders off . After a weekend of tantrums and tears , [I]0-i have conceded . [Fletcher]96-fletcher is starting work with [Tristan]74-tristan this morning , and [I]0-i have never felt so sick in [my]0-i life . “ And make sure [you]96-fletcher drink lots of water . If [you]96-fletcher get dehydrated , [you]96-fletcher wo n’t be able to concentrate . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher rolls [his]96-fletcher eyes . “ Now , [I]96-fletcher ’ve packed [you]96-fletcher a lunch . Do n’t get into the habit of buying it . [You]96-fletcher will waste a fortune . ”[96-fletcher] “ [Mom]123-mom . ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher gives a subtle shake of [his]96-fletcher head . “ Because . . . [you]96-fletcher know ? What [you]96-fletcher start doing in this first job will lay the foundation for [your]96-fletcher entire working career . [I]96-fletcher want [you]96-fletcher to build good habits . This is an opportunity to learn , [Fletch]145-fletch . Watch and learn , but always remember that [you]96-fletcher are [an Anderson]3555-an anderson . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i pull [my]0-i fingers through [his]96-fletcher hair . [He]96-fletcher smiles down at [me]0-i . “ [I]96-fletcher will . ”[96-fletcher] “ Being smart in business does n’t mean [you]96-fletcher have to be cutthroat , ”[0-i] [I]0-i remind [him]96-fletcher . “ [I]0-i know ; [we]3556-we talked about this . ”[0-i] [He]96-fletcher sighs . “ [[Your]0-i father]3557-your father was such [a good man]3558-a good man , [Fletch]145-fletch , with the highest of morals . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher smiles broadly . It ’s [my]0-i greatest fear that [Tristan]74-tristan is going to rub off on [this young and impressionable boy]1125-this young and impressionable boy . [My]0-i eyes fill with tears at the mere prospect . “ [Mom]123-mom . Stop . ”[0-i] [I]0-i put [my]0-i hands over [my]0-i mouth as [I]0-i stare up at [[my]0-i handsome son]1126-my handsome son . “ [I]0-i ’m sorry , [honey]3091-honey . [I]0-i ’m just so nervous for [you]3091-honey . ”[0-i] “ Why ? ”[0-i] “ Because this is a big deal , and [I]0-i do n’t want [you]3091-honey to mess it up . ”[0-i] “ [Mom]123-mom . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher sighs . “ [I]96-fletcher stuffed underpants in [the boss]3560-the boss ’s mouth before [I]96-fletcher even got the job . [I]96-fletcher ’m pretty sure [I]96-fletcher ’ve already messed it up as much as physically possible . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i hold [my]0-i forehead as [I]0-i stare at [him]96-fletcher . “ God , please do n’t remind [me]0-i . That will forever be the most mortifying moment of [my]0-i life . ”[0-i] [I]0-i go back to fiddling with [his]96-fletcher tie to distract [myself]0-i . “ Worked out . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ What does that mean ? ”[0-i] “ Well , [he]96-fletcher never came back . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher smirks . “ [We]3561-we were just [friends]3356-friends , [Fletcher]96-fletcher . [He]96-fletcher was never coming back anyway . . . long before [you]96-fletcher did that . Do n’t flatter [yourself]96-fletcher . If [he]96-fletcher and [I]96-fletcher were actually a thing , do [you]96-fletcher really think that would deter [him]96-fletcher ? ”[96-fletcher] “ Hmm . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher shrugs , not believing [me]0-i . [I]0-i ’ll never admit the truth — that [he]96-fletcher ’s right , and just as [he]96-fletcher planned , it really did work . [Tristan]74-tristan never contacted [me]0-i again after that fateful day . [He]74-tristan went from coming to [[my]0-i house]3381-my house to pursue [me]0-i . . . to never calling again . It says a lot about [him]74-tristan and the gumption [he]74-tristan has — or lack of it . Anyway , who cares ? Good riddance . [I]0-i ’m actually grateful that [Fletcher]96-fletcher scared [him]74-tristan off . Saved [me]0-i the job and stopped things from dragging out . “ Just remember to be professional , ”[0-i] [I]0-i remind [him]96-fletcher . “ [I]0-i know . ”[0-i] “ And use [your]0-i manners . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher rolls [his]96-fletcher eyes . “ And if [you]0-i get into trouble , what do [you]0-i do ? ”[96-fletcher] “ Go to [the bathroom]584-the bathroom , and count to ten to calm down . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher sighs . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i fix [his]96-fletcher hair . “ That ’s it , [Fletch]145-fletch . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile up at [him]96-fletcher . “ [You]96-fletcher ’re going to be great . ”[0-i] [I]0-i keep straightening [his]96-fletcher hair , and [he]96-fletcher swats [me]0-i away . “ That ’s enough already , [Mom]123-mom . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i grab [his]96-fletcher face hard in [my]0-i hands and bring [his]96-fletcher eyes to [mine]0-i . “ Do [you]96-fletcher know how proud [[your]96-fletcher father]3557-your father and [I]96-fletcher are of [you]96-fletcher ? ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher shrugs sadly . “ Thanks . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i smile . “ And call [me]0-i on [your]96-fletcher lunch break . ”[0-i] “ Oh [my]96-fletcher God . Stop nagging [me]96-fletcher . [I]96-fletcher ’m not going to have time . ”[96-fletcher] “ One minute — [you]96-fletcher have one minute . ”[96-fletcher] With one last eye roll [he]96-fletcher walks [downstairs]3119-downstairs , and [I]0-i follow and grab [my]0-i keys . “ Let ’s go . ”[0-i] This is the longest day of [my]0-i entire life . [I]0-i pick up [my]0-i phone and check it again . “ It ’s one thirty p.m. Why has n’t [he]96-fletcher called ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ [He]96-fletcher probably forgot , ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley replies . “ What if [they]3565-they did n’t give [him]96-fletcher lunch ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [He]96-fletcher ca n’t handle not eating . [He]96-fletcher might faint . ”[0-i] [Marley]77-marley rolls [her]77-marley eyes . “ It will be fine , and it is n’t [a prison camp]3566-a prison camp . [Miles Media]78-miles media has one of the best reputations for treating [[their]78-miles media staff]3567-their staff well . ”[77-marley] “ Will [you]77-marley stop telling [me]0-i that everything is going to be okay ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ Because [I]0-i have a reason to be concerned , and [I]0-i ’m really worried about [him]96-fletcher . ”[0-i] “ Oh [my]77-marley God , [you]77-marley ’re driving [yourself]77-marley crazy — and [me]77-marley , for that matter . ”[77-marley] “ When [you]77-marley have [a child who is going to work for the biggest bastard in [the world]259-the world]3568-a child who is going to work for the biggest bastard in the world , [you]77-marley let [me]77-marley know how [you]77-marley go . ”[77-marley] “ Okay , fine . ”[1129-she] [She]1129-she smiles [my]0-i way . “ This would n’t have anything to do with the fact that [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles has n’t called [you]0-i , would it ? ”[1129-she] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face in disgust . “ What , as if [I]77-marley ’m annoyed that [he]96-fletcher has n’t call [me]77-marley ? [I]77-marley had already broken it off with [him]96-fletcher — not that [we]3570-we actually had anything to break off . It was just one week , [Marley]77-marley , and besides , [Tristan Miles]74-tristan means nothing to [me]77-marley . But [I]77-marley have serious suspicions as to why [he]96-fletcher would ’ve hired [Fletcher]96-fletcher in the first place . Something feels off . [Fletcher]96-fletcher tried to bash [him]96-fletcher with [his]96-fletcher own underpants , for [God]97-god ’s sake . ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley giggles . “ Oh Lord , how [I]77-marley wish [I]77-marley was there to see that . [I]77-marley bet [Tristan Miles]74-tristan has never had that before . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i remember that momentous day . [I]0-i ’ve never been so horrified and yet so amused at the same time . Not that [I]0-i would ever admit that to [anybody]3407-anybody , not even [Marley]77-marley . “ [I]0-i ’m just gon na text [him]284-this man . [I]0-i ca n’t be going crazy like this for any longer . ”[0-i] [I]0-i type . Hi [Fletch]145-fletch , how ’s it going buddy ? A reply bounces straight back . [I]0-i hate this job . [I]0-i hate [this man]284-this man , [I]0-i ’m not coming back tomorrow . [My]0-i eyes widen in horror . “ Oh no , [Marley]77-marley . This is going to be worse than [him]284-this man not even starting . [I]0-i can just see it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i text back . Why what ’s happening ? [He]284-this man texts back . Talk to [you]0-i tonight [I]0-i ’ve got five minutes left for lunch . [I]0-i look up at [Marley]77-marley , [my]0-i stomach sinking . “ What ’s happening over there ? [I]0-i do n’t believe this . ”[0-i] [Marley]77-marley rolls [her]77-marley eyes . “ [I]77-marley do , actually . Let ’s face it , [Claire]93-patrick . [Fletcher]96-fletcher does n’t exactly take orders well . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i blow out a big deep breath . “ Hopefully [his]96-fletcher afternoon will be better . ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley smiles . “ It will be . Do n’t [you]93-patrick remember what it was like to start a new job ? [Everybody]3458-everybody ’s first day at a new job is bad , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i shrug . “ [I]0-i guess [you]77-marley ’re right . ”[0-i] “ Everything is going to be fine . Relax , and let [him]96-fletcher go . [He]96-fletcher ’s nearly [a man]280-a man . [He]96-fletcher needs to find [his]96-fletcher own way . ”[77-marley] “ Yeah , [I]0-i know . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . [I]0-i pick up [my]0-i pen and try to get back to work . Nightmare images of [[my]0-i poor little baby all alone in [that big cranky corporate office]1133-that big cranky corporate office]1132-my poor little baby all alone in that big cranky corporate office are flying through [my]0-i mind . Why could n’t [he]1132-my poor little baby all alone in that big cranky corporate office just go to [university]1134-university ? [I]0-i stir the cheese into the large pot of spaghetti bolognese . [I]0-i finished early today , and although [I]0-i wanted to pick [Fletcher]96-fletcher up from work , [I]0-i let [him]1132-my poor little baby all alone in that big cranky corporate office catch [the train]3546-the train [home]341-home . [I]0-i ’m really trying [my]0-i hardest to give [him]1132-my poor little baby all alone in that big cranky corporate office a little tough love . [He]1132-my poor little baby all alone in that big cranky corporate office wants to be [a big boy]1137-a big boy and work ; [he]1132-my poor little baby all alone in that big cranky corporate office needs to learn how to be self - sufficient . [I]0-i look at the clock . Where is [he]1132-my poor little baby all alone in that big cranky corporate office ? [I]0-i glance up at [[my]0-i other two sons]1138-my other two sons , who are sitting at the kitchen counter . “ How did it go at [school]3101-school today , [Harry]141-harry ? ”[0-i] “ Okay . ”[0-i] “ How was [Mrs. Parkinson]146-mrs. parkinson ? ”[0-i] “ [A witch]3574-a witch , as usual . ”[1132-my poor little baby all alone in that big cranky corporate office] [He]1132-my poor little baby all alone in that big cranky corporate office sighs . “ [I]1132-my poor little baby all alone in that big cranky corporate office do n’t think it ’s very nice to be calling [[your]0-i teacher]3575-your teacher [a witch]3574-a witch . ”[1132-my poor little baby all alone in that big cranky corporate office] “ Yeah , well , if [she]146-mrs. parkinson stopped acting like one , [I]0-i would n’t have to call [her]146-mrs. parkinson one . ”[0-i] “ Just stay out of trouble , please , [Harry]141-harry . [You]141-harry ’re on [your]141-harry last warning at [that school]3577-that school . [I]141-harry need [you]141-harry to behave . [You]141-harry need to show [everyone]382-everyone how smart and charming [you]141-harry really are . ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry rolls [his]141-harry eyes . [Patrick]93-patrick smiles goofily up at [me]0-i . “ Now let ’s be nice when [Fletch]145-fletch gets [home]341-home . [He]145-fletch ’s had a really bad day . And [I]93-patrick want [[you]141-harry boys]3580-you boys to try and make [him]145-fletch feel better . ”[93-patrick] “ And how are [we]3580-you boys supposed to do that ? ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry asks with an eye roll . “ Just talk about things and take [his]145-fletch mind off it . Make [him]145-fletch laugh . Try and make [him]145-fletch see that things are n’t as bad as [he]145-fletch thinks . ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry smiles . “ [I]141-harry think they are as bad as [he]145-fletch thinks . Imagine working with [that pompous donkey]3581-that pompous donkey . ”[141-harry] “ [You]141-harry do n’t even know [him]145-fletch , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [You]141-harry ca n’t say that ; [he]145-fletch ’s [a nice man]3582-a nice man . And [he]145-fletch ’s [[Fletch]145-fletch ’s new boss]3583-fletch ’s new boss , so [you]141-harry show [him]145-fletch some respect . ”[0-i] [We]1139-we hear the front door bang , and [Fletcher]96-fletcher comes into view . [His]96-fletcher hair is messed , [his]96-fletcher tie is askew , [his]96-fletcher jacket is off , [his]96-fletcher shoelaces are undone . [He]96-fletcher looks like [he]96-fletcher ’s been to hell and back . [I]0-i bite [my]0-i lip to stifle [my]0-i smile as [I]0-i give [him]96-fletcher a hug . “ How is [[my]0-i big working boy]3584-my big working boy ? ”[0-i] “ It was literal hell . ”[0-i] [My]0-i face falls . “ Why ? What happened ? ”[0-i] “ Basically , [I]0-i ruined everything [I]0-i touched . ”[0-i] “ That ’s okay . [You]3584-my big working boy ’re only new ; [they]3585-they ca n’t expect [you]3584-my big working boy to know everything . [Nobody]3093-nobody knows everything on the first day . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i watch [him]96-fletcher . “ What was the last thing that [he]96-fletcher said to [you]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ Do n’t [you]96-fletcher dare be late tomorrow . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Did n’t [he]96-fletcher say ‘ Thanks for [your]0-i first day ’ ? ”[0-i] “ No , [Mom]123-mom . [I]0-i told [you]123-mom [he]96-fletcher ’s [an asshole]3187-an asshole . ”[0-i] “ Hmm . Well , let ’s just see how tomorrow goes . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m not going back . ”[0-i] “ Yes , [you]96-fletcher are , [Fletcher]96-fletcher , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [You]96-fletcher ’re going to work two weeks [there]3088-there . [I]0-i will not have [you]96-fletcher embarrassing [me]0-i . If [you]96-fletcher do n’t like it after two weeks , [you]96-fletcher can stop , but [you]96-fletcher will ride it out and at least give it a chance . ”[0-i] [Fletcher]96-fletcher rolls [his]96-fletcher eyes and sits at the table , and [I]0-i put [his]96-fletcher spaghetti bolognese down in front of [him]96-fletcher . “ [I]0-i made [your]96-fletcher favorite . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m too tired to eat it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i fake a smile and run [my]0-i fingers through [his]96-fletcher hair . “ [I]0-i know , [baby]3208-baby , [me]0-i too . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sit at the table and wait for [Fletcher]96-fletcher to arrive [home]341-home from work . Honestly , who knew having [a child start work]1141-a child start work would be so stressful ? [I]0-i ca n’t think , [I]0-i ca n’t sleep , and [I]0-i ’ve been leaving work early every day so that [I]0-i can get [home]341-home well before [he]96-fletcher does and cook [his]96-fletcher favorite meals . [Tristan]74-tristan is giving [him]96-fletcher hell , and [I]0-i know that [he]96-fletcher may need it . But [the mother in [me]0-i]1143-the mother in me is worried that [Tristan]74-tristan is just trying to teach [him]96-fletcher a lesson over the way [they]1144-they met . [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes in horror . [I]0-i ca n’t even think of that day without cringing . Whipping [him]96-fletcher with underpants and then trying to stuff them in [his]96-fletcher mouth . . . oh , the horror . What on earth was [Fletcher]96-fletcher thinking ? But [you]1145-you know what ? [I]0-i ’m proud of [Fletch]145-fletch . [I]0-i ’m proud of [him]96-fletcher for making it above [all those other candidates]1146-all those other candidates , for taking the job in the first place , and then for having the courage to stick with the job and go back day after day . The door bangs open , and [I]0-i smile and pick up the chocolate cake [I]0-i just made [him]96-fletcher . [He]96-fletcher comes around the corner , and [I]0-i force a smile , even though [I]0-i feel like bursting into tears at the sight of [his]96-fletcher sad face . “ Hi , [Fletch]145-fletch . ”[96-fletcher] “ Hi . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher yanks off [his]96-fletcher tie aggressively . “ [I]96-fletcher made [you]145-fletch chocolate cake . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i hold it toward [him]96-fletcher . “ [Your]96-fletcher favorite . ”[0-i] “ Thanks . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher sighs . [He]96-fletcher sticks [his]96-fletcher finger out and swipes it through the frosting and shoves it in [his]96-fletcher mouth . [I]0-i brace [myself]0-i to ask the dreaded question . “ How was [your]96-fletcher day ? ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher slumps into a chair . “ Hell . ”[96-fletcher] “ Really ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . Damn it . [I]0-i really want this to work out . “ Why ? What happened today ? ”[0-i] “ [I]96-fletcher ’m just not very good at it , [Mom]123-mom . ”[96-fletcher] “ Honey , [you]96-fletcher ’re not supposed to be very good at it . [You]96-fletcher ’re just new . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher exhales heavily and swipes [his]96-fletcher finger through the icing once more . “ What ’s [Tristan]74-tristan like ? ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i ask . “ Mean . ”[96-fletcher] “ Mean ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Like how ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i watch [him]96-fletcher for a moment . “ Give [me]0-i an example . ”[0-i] [He]96-fletcher puffs air into [his]96-fletcher cheeks . [I]0-i ’ve never seen [him]96-fletcher so deflated . “ Well . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher pauses as [he]96-fletcher gets it right in [his]96-fletcher head . “ [We]3590-we do this thing where [he]96-fletcher goes and visits [all the managers on [each floor]3592-each floor]3591-all the managers on each floor , and [I]96-fletcher follow [him]96-fletcher around like a puppy and take notes . Today there was a meeting of [everyone]382-everyone together . ”[96-fletcher] “ Yes , okay , that ’s standard . ”[96-fletcher] “ Well , today [we]3590-we got down to the fortieth floor and into the meeting , and [I]96-fletcher realized that [I]96-fletcher left [my]96-fletcher pen up on [my]96-fletcher desk . ”[96-fletcher] “ Yes . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i listen to [him]96-fletcher . “ Go on . ”[96-fletcher] “ There were n’t any other pens there , so [I]0-i just sat and listened to [him]96-fletcher talk along with [everyone else]3594-everyone else . ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod as [I]0-i listen . “ Halfway through the meeting [he]96-fletcher noticed [I]0-i was n’t taking notes and asked why . [I]0-i told [him]96-fletcher [I]0-i left [my]0-i pen behind , and [he]96-fletcher completely lost [his]96-fletcher shit , screamed at [me]0-i in front of [everyone]382-everyone , and kicked [me]0-i out of the management meeting . ”[0-i] “ What ? [He]96-fletcher was screaming at [you]96-fletcher ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Like [a madman]3596-a madman . Saying that [he]96-fletcher wo n’t put up with [my]0-i laziness or sloppiness , and if [I]0-i have no desire to learn , then [I]0-i may as well leave [Miles Media]78-miles media right now . ”[0-i] [My]0-i mouth falls open in surprise . “ What ? Over a pen ? ”[0-i] “ [Mom]123-mom , that ’s not even the half of it . [He]96-fletcher yells at [me]0-i the entire day . Everything [I]0-i do is wrong . ”[0-i] Anger simmers in [my]0-i stomach . “ [He]96-fletcher yells at [you]96-fletcher ? ”[0-i] “ Screams [the fucking place]3597-the fucking place down . [Even Jameson]113-jameson , [the CEO]1101-the ceo , had to come and rescue [me]1147-me today . [He]113-jameson told [him]96-fletcher to settle down . ”[1147-me] [His]1147-me eyes widen . “ And [Jameson Miles]113-jameson is known for screaming at [everyone]382-everyone all the time , [Mom]123-mom , so [I]1147-me know [Tristan]74-tristan must n’t scream at [anyone else]3451-anyone else like [he]96-fletcher does [me]1147-me . ”[1147-me] [He]1147-me throws [his]1147-me hands up in the air . “ [Sammia]137-sammia , [[Jameson]113-jameson ’s PA]3601-jameson ’s pa , even bought [me]1147-me a cupcake today . [She]137-sammia feels sorry for [me]1147-me too . [She]137-sammia told [me]1147-me not to worry about [him]1147-me — that [I]1147-me was doing a good job . ”[1147-me] [His]1147-me shoulders slump . “ [He]1147-me just hates [me]1147-me . ”[1147-me] [My]0-i eyes narrow as [I]0-i feel anger twist in [my]0-i gut . “ Just ignore [him]1147-me , [buddy]3394-buddy . ”[0-i] [I]0-i fake a smile . “ [He]1147-me ’ll settle down . ”[0-i] Or else . “ Just keep [your]1147-me head down , and do [your]1147-me job . ”[0-i] [I]0-i cut [him]1147-me a piece of cake and hand it over . “ Cake before dinner ? ”[1147-me] [He]1147-me frowns . “ Cake for dinner , if [you]0-i want . ”[1147-me] [I]0-i watch [him]1147-me eat it and stare into space as adrenaline surges through [my]0-i body . [Tristan fucking Miles]74-tristan . . . do n’t push [me]0-i . “ What do [you]1148-she think , [Marley]77-marley ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Should [I]0-i be worried ? ”[0-i] “ Hmm , it ’s a tough one . ”[1148-she] [She]1148-she sips [her]1148-she Coke . [We]1149-we are at [a restaurant]313-a restaurant eating lunch . “ On one hand , [you]1148-she want [Fletch]145-fletch to be taught the right way . ”[1148-she] “ Yes , but [he]145-fletch ’s screaming at [him]145-fletch , [Marl]92-marl . In what job is that okay ? ”[0-i] “ It ’s not ; [I]1148-she agree . ”[1148-she] [She]1148-she shrugs . “ It ’s so not okay in [any workplace]3603-any workplace . ”[1148-she] “ [God]97-god , [I]0-i ’m going crazy over this . What if [he]145-fletch just hired [him]145-fletch to put [him]145-fletch through hell for the way [they]3604-they met ? What if [he]145-fletch ’s purposely being nasty to teach [me]0-i a lesson for ending it ? ”[0-i] “ It ’s completely possible . ”[1148-she] [She]1148-she shrugs again . “ But this job will set [Fletch]145-fletch up for life , so more fool [him]145-fletch , [you]0-i know ? ”[1148-she] “ But at what point is it enough ? Like how far do [I]0-i let it go ? ”[0-i] A text comes in . It ’s from [Fletcher]96-fletcher . Hi . [I]0-i smile . “ [Fletch]145-fletch is on [his]145-fletch lunch break . ”[0-i] [I]0-i text back . Can [I]0-i call [you]96-fletcher ? [He]96-fletcher texts back . Yeah . [I]0-i dial [his]96-fletcher number , and [he]96-fletcher answers on the first ring . “ Hi , [Fletch]145-fletch . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ How ’s it going ? ”[0-i] “ Pretty shit . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher sighs . “ Why ? ”[96-fletcher] “ Well , apparently now [I]0-i ’m stupid . ”[0-i] [My]0-i hackles rise . “ [He]96-fletcher called [you]0-i stupid ? ”[0-i] “ Yep . ”[96-fletcher] “ That ’s it . ”[0-i] [My]0-i anger explodes . “ Do n’t go back after lunch . ”[0-i] “ [Mom]123-mom . ”[96-fletcher] “ [I]0-i mean it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [He]96-fletcher ca n’t call [you]0-i fucking stupid , [Fletcher]96-fletcher ; that is unacceptable . ”[0-i] [Marley]77-marley ’s eyes widen in horror as [she]77-marley listens . “ What ? ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley mouths . “ [He]96-fletcher called [him]96-fletcher stupid ? ”[77-marley] “ No job is worth [your]0-i self - respect , [Fletcher]96-fletcher . Do not go back . ”[0-i] “ [Mom]123-mom , shut up . [You]0-i ’re making it worse . [I]77-marley should n’t have even told [you]123-mom . ”[77-marley] “ [Fletcher]96-fletcher . ”[1151-he] [He]1151-he hangs up . “ That ’s it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [He]96-fletcher ’s gone too far this time . ”[0-i] [I]0-i down [my]0-i drink and slam [my]0-i empty glass on the table and stand . “ Meet [you]77-marley back at work . [I]0-i have an appointment with [Tristan fucking Miles]74-tristan . ”[0-i] “ Oh shit . Good luck . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley winces . [I]0-i punch [my]0-i fist . “ Bail [me]0-i out of [jail]352-jail , will [you]77-marley ? ”[0-i] [She]77-marley giggles and raises [her]77-marley glass at [me]0-i . “ Yes , okay , what account do [I]77-marley take the bail money out of ? ”[77-marley] “ [You]0-i ’ll have to rob [a bank]3606-a bank . ”[77-marley] “ Roger that . ”[0-i] [I]0-i storm out of [the restaurant]269-the restaurant on a mission . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is looking for a fight , and [he]74-tristan just found one . [Nobody]3093-nobody calls [[my]0-i son]1115-my son stupid and gets away with it . [I]0-i march up to the reception desk in [the Miles Media building]1155-the miles media building . “ Hello , may [I]0-i help [you]0-i ? ”[0-i] [The young girl]1156-the young girl smiles . “ [I]0-i ’d like to see [Tristan Miles]74-tristan , please . ”[0-i] “ Did [you]1156-the young girl have an appointment ? ”[1156-the young girl] “ No . ”[1156-the young girl] “ [I]0-i ’m sorry ; that will be impossible . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i tell [him]74-tristan [Claire Anderson]81-claire is here to see [him]74-tristan . ”[1156-the young girl] “ [I]1156-the young girl ’m sorry — ”[1156-the young girl] [she]1156-the young girl continues . “ Tell [him]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i interrupt [her]1156-the young girl . “ [I]1156-the young girl ’m not leaving until [I]1156-the young girl see [him]74-tristan . ”[1156-the young girl] [She]1156-the young girl and [the other receptionist]1157-the other receptionist exchange glances , and [she]1156-the young girl dials a number . “ Hi , [Sammia]137-sammia . [I]1156-the young girl have a [Claire Anderson]81-claire to see [Tristan Miles]74-tristan in reception . ”[1156-the young girl] [She]1156-the young girl listens and then holds the phone down . “ [She]81-claire ’s just checking . ”[1156-the young girl] [I]0-i can hear [my]0-i pulse as it pumps boiling blood around [my]0-i body . Boom . . . boom . . . boom . “ Okay , thank [you]0-i . ”[1156-the young girl] [She]1156-the young girl types something and hands over a security card on a lanyard . “ [You]0-i can go up . [Hector]147-hector will accompany [you]0-i . ”[1156-the young girl] “ [I]0-i can find it [myself]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [Nobody]3093-nobody goes to [the top floor]279-the top floor without [a security guard]3609-a security guard . ”[0-i] [He]1158-he ’s going to need one . “ Fine . ”[1156-the young girl] [She]1156-the young girl waves over [a security guard]3609-a security guard , and [he]1158-he comes over . “ Can [you]0-i please escort [Mrs. Anderson]81-claire to see [Tristan Miles]74-tristan , please ? ”[1156-the young girl] “ Sure thing . ”[1158-he] [He]1158-he smiles at [me]0-i . “ This way , please . ”[1158-he] [He]1158-he gestures to [the elevator]571-the elevator , and [I]0-i bite the inside of [my]0-i cheek to stop [myself]0-i from speaking . [I]0-i ’m so mad that [I]0-i ca n’t put two words together . [I]0-i glare straight ahead at the doors as [I]0-i go over in [my]0-i head what [I]0-i ’m going to say . The doors open , and [I]0-i storm out . [My]0-i step falters as [I]0-i see the floor . What the fuck ? Expansive views all over [New York]5-new york . White marble . Contemporary luxury at its finest . Of course [[his]1158-he office]1161-his office looks like this . . . it only boils [my]0-i blood more . [The pretty receptionist]1162-the pretty receptionist smiles . “ Hello , [I]1162-the pretty receptionist ’m [Sammia]137-sammia . [You]1162-the pretty receptionist ’re here to see [Tristan]74-tristan ? ”[1162-the pretty receptionist] “ Yes , please . ”[0-i] [I]0-i remember [my]0-i manners and force a smile . “ Hello , [I]0-i ’m [Claire Anderson]81-claire . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]0-i . . . ”[1162-the pretty receptionist] [Her]1162-the pretty receptionist voice trails off . “ Yes , [I]1162-the pretty receptionist ’m [[Fletcher]96-fletcher ’s mother]3610-fletcher ’s mother . ”[1162-the pretty receptionist] [I]0-i see the exact moment that [she]1162-the pretty receptionist realizes why [I]0-i ’m here — [her]1162-the pretty receptionist eyes widen . “ Oh , [I]1162-the pretty receptionist see . ”[1162-the pretty receptionist] [She]1162-the pretty receptionist stands and puts [her]1162-the pretty receptionist hand out . “ This way , please . ”[1162-the pretty receptionist] [We]1163-we turn left and go down [a wide corridor]1164-a wide corridor . [I]0-i can see [the sprawling [New York]5-new york skyline]1165-the sprawling new york skyline at the end , and [offices]1166-offices are all to the left . “ [[His]96-fletcher office]1161-his office is at the end , ”[1162-the pretty receptionist] [she]1162-the pretty receptionist says . [I]0-i keep following [her]1162-the pretty receptionist , and [we]1163-we get to [a large room]1167-a large room , [another reception area]1168-another reception area , and [I]0-i see [Fletcher]96-fletcher sitting at a desk . [Two girls]1169-two girls are at desks beside [him]96-fletcher : [one]1170-one looks younger . [Fletcher]96-fletcher ’s face falls when [he]96-fletcher sees [me]0-i . “ [Mom]123-mom , what are [you]0-i doing [here]3039-here ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher stammers in a panic . “ Just visiting [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i fake a smile . “ Thanks , [Sammia]137-sammia . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i barge open [Tristan]74-tristan ’s door and close it behind [me]0-i . [I]0-i find [him]96-fletcher sitting at [his]96-fletcher desk . [He]96-fletcher looks up and runs [his]96-fletcher tongue over [his]96-fletcher bottom lip and sits back in [his]96-fletcher chair , as if amused . [Arrogance personified]1171-arrogance personified . “ [Claire Anderson]81-claire . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher smiles . [I]0-i narrow [my]0-i eyes . “ And to what do [I]96-fletcher owe this pleasure ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher says , pen in hand . “ Oh , [I]96-fletcher think [you]96-fletcher know , ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i sneer . [He]96-fletcher raises an eyebrow . “ No . Actually , [I]96-fletcher do n’t . ”[96-fletcher] “ What the hell are [you]96-fletcher doing to [Fletcher]96-fletcher ? ”[96-fletcher] “ What do [you]96-fletcher mean ? ”[96-fletcher] “ [I]0-i mean , ”[0-i] [I]0-i bark , “ how dare [you]96-fletcher call [him]96-fletcher stupid ? How dare [you]96-fletcher scream at [him]96-fletcher in front of [other staff]3613-other staff ? Or at all , for that matter . ”[0-i] [He]96-fletcher tilts [his]96-fletcher chin to the sky defiantly . “ Did [he]96-fletcher run to [Mommy]148-mommy , did [he]96-fletcher ? ”[96-fletcher] “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper angrily . “ [I]0-i understand that [you]74-tristan met in terrible circumstances , but it ’s clearly obvious that [you]74-tristan only hired [him]96-fletcher to make a fool of [him]96-fletcher . And [I]0-i wo n’t have it . ”[0-i] [He]96-fletcher narrows [his]96-fletcher eyes and sits back in [his]96-fletcher chair . “ Is that what [you]0-i think ? ”[96-fletcher] “ That ’s what [I]96-fletcher know . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher stands and comes around in front of [me]0-i . “ [I]96-fletcher ’ll tell [you]0-i what [I]96-fletcher ’m doing with [Fletcher Anderson]96-fletcher . [I]96-fletcher ’m teaching [him]96-fletcher work ethic . [He]96-fletcher ’s lazy and needs discipline . ”[96-fletcher] “ [You]96-fletcher are not training [him]96-fletcher ; [you]96-fletcher are belittling [him]96-fletcher , ”[0-i] [I]0-i fire back . “ [I]96-fletcher ’m teaching [him]96-fletcher to have some respect , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher replies calmly . “ Something that [he]96-fletcher quite obviously has n’t learned at [home]341-home . ”[96-fletcher] “ Why on earth would [he]96-fletcher respect [a jerk like [you]96-fletcher]3615-a jerk like you ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper angrily . “ Because [I]96-fletcher ’m [[his]96-fletcher boss]3616-his boss , [Claire]81-claire , and [I]96-fletcher am not putting up with [his]96-fletcher excuses , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher replies . “ By calling [him]96-fletcher stupid , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [I]0-i did not call [him]96-fletcher stupid . [I]0-i told [him]96-fletcher to stop acting stupid . There ’s a big difference . [He]96-fletcher ’s intelligent , [Claire]81-claire , a lot more than [you]81-claire give [him]96-fletcher credit for . [He]96-fletcher does n’t have anger issues ; [he]96-fletcher has a fucking attitude issue , and [I]0-i ’m getting rid of it . ”[0-i] “ By making a fool of [him]96-fletcher ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i gasp . “ By making [him]96-fletcher learn from [his]96-fletcher mistakes . If [he]96-fletcher is not punished as [he]96-fletcher does [them]3617-them , [he]96-fletcher will keep doing it . [You]81-claire do n’t learn a lesson unless it makes [you]81-claire uncomfortable . ”[0-i] “ [You]81-claire yelled at [him]96-fletcher for forgetting a pen , for Christ ’s sake , ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . [His]1172-his face contorts in anger . “ How many [CEOs]3618-ceos do [you]0-i know that do n’t take a pen to a meeting , [Claire]81-claire ? ”[1172-his] [he]1172-his sneers . “ Rule number one . ”[1172-his] [He]1172-his holds [his]1172-his finger up to accentuate [his]1172-his point . “ Be prepared . Do not turn up to a meeting unprepared . ”[1172-his] The door opens , and [Fletcher]96-fletcher comes into view . [He]96-fletcher closes it behind [him]96-fletcher . [Tristan]74-tristan glares at [him]96-fletcher . “ [You]96-fletcher run to [Mommy]148-mommy when [you]96-fletcher get into trouble ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks . [Fletcher]96-fletcher stares at [him]74-tristan . “ [You]96-fletcher going to run to [Mommy]148-mommy when [someone]3143-someone steals [your]96-fletcher business or [[your]96-fletcher girlfriend]3620-your girlfriend ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks . “ Is that what [a man]280-a man does ? Run to [Mommy]148-mommy ? ”[74-tristan] “ How dare [you]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper angrily . “ Get [your]96-fletcher things , [Fletcher]96-fletcher ; [we]1173-we ’re leaving . [You]96-fletcher do n’t have to put up with this . ”[0-i] “ Get back to [your]96-fletcher desk , [Fletcher]96-fletcher , and finish that report , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan snaps . [Fletcher]96-fletcher looks between [us]1173-we , unsure what to do . “ [Fletcher Anderson]96-fletcher , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan asserts . [His]74-tristan voice rises along with [his]74-tristan anger . “ That report is to be on [my]74-tristan desk before [you]96-fletcher leave today . [I]74-tristan do n’t care if [we]1173-we do n’t get out of here until midnight . ”[74-tristan] “ [He]74-tristan ’s coming with [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ Stick [your]96-fletcher report up [your]96-fletcher ass . ”[0-i] “ [Mom]123-mom , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher interrupts . “ Do n’t . ”[96-fletcher] “ [Fletcher]96-fletcher , let ’s go , ”[0-i] [I]0-i urge . “ Do [you]0-i want to know why [I]74-tristan ’m riding [this kid]1040-this kid so hard , [Claire]81-claire ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan asks . [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan . “ Because [Fletcher Anderson]96-fletcher has more potential than [I]0-i ’ve seen in a very long time . [He]96-fletcher ’s super intelligent . ”[0-i] [Fletcher]96-fletcher ’s chest rises as [he]96-fletcher fights a crooked smile . “ But [he]96-fletcher ’s also a little shit , and [he]96-fletcher ’s lazy and lacks discipline , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan adds . [I]0-i continue to stare at [Tristan]74-tristan . “ [I]0-i can give [him]96-fletcher the tools that [he]96-fletcher needs , but [they]3623-they do n’t come easy . There are no shortcuts to this , [Claire]81-claire . [I]0-i ’m the only person who can give [him]96-fletcher the tool kit . So do n’t [you]81-claire barge in here and ruin everything for [him]96-fletcher . [You]81-claire are killing [this kid]1040-this kid with kindness , [Claire]81-claire . [He]96-fletcher ’s not [a child]3292-a child . [He]96-fletcher ’s [a man]280-a man . [He]96-fletcher needs to grow the fuck up and take responsibility for [his]96-fletcher own shortcomings . ”[0-i] [Fletcher]96-fletcher drops [his]96-fletcher head . “ Why the hell are [you]96-fletcher still standing here , [Fletcher]96-fletcher ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher bellows . “ Go and finish the report . ”[96-fletcher] “ See [you]81-claire at [home]341-home , [Mom]123-mom , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher says . [He]96-fletcher turns and scurries from [the office]3078-the office , and [Tristan]74-tristan goes back to sit behind [his]74-tristan desk . [We]1175-we glare at [each other]286-each other for an extended time . The air between [us]1175-we is electric — only this time it ’s fueled by anger . “ [I]0-i ’m watching [you]284-this man , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [I]0-i ’ll tell [you]284-this man who to watch : [that middle child of yours]3628-that middle child of yours . [The wizard]3629-the wizard . ”[0-i] “ [The middle child of [mine]0-i]3630-the middle child of mine is none of [your]284-this man concern , ”[0-i] [I]0-i sneer . The nerve of [this man]284-this man . This is exactly why [I]0-i do n’t want [him]284-this man anywhere near [[my]0-i kids]617-my kids ; [he]284-this man ’s cold and judgmental and lacks any type of empathy . [A fucking asshole]1179-a fucking asshole . “ Goodbye , [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[284-this man] [He]284-this man raises an eyebrow in a silent question . “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ Is that it ? ”[0-i] [He]284-this man holds the pen in [his]284-this man hand . “ Is that all [you]0-i want to say to [me]284-this man ? ”[284-this man] [I]0-i narrow [my]0-i eyes . Any minute [I]0-i ’m about to explode . “ [I]284-this man ’ve got nothing more to say to [you]0-i . ”[284-this man] [He]284-this man gives [me]0-i a sarcastic smile . “ Liar . ”[284-this man] Fucking hell . [This man]284-this man makes [me]0-i thermonuclear . [I]0-i want to dive over the desk and punch that sarcastic smile off [his]284-this man face . Before [I]0-i lose [my]0-i temper , [I]0-i turn and storm from [the office]3078-the office with [my]0-i blood boiling in [my]0-i veins . [I]0-i ca n’t believe [I]0-i was actually attracted to [that jerk]1182-that jerk . What a fucking joke . The television drones on in the background . [The children]365-the children are squabbling among [themselves]365-the children as [they]365-the children sit on the floor doing a jigsaw puzzle . [Woofy]135-woofy is chasing [Muff]138-muff around [the house]924-the house , and [I]0-i ’m curled up on the couch , pretending to read . [My]0-i mind is n’t here , though . It ’s in [Paris]6-paris . . . with [him]284-this man . [I]0-i hate that [I]0-i ’m thinking about [such an asshole]1185-such an asshole . What ’s worse is [I]0-i can pretend that [I]0-i do n’t like [him]284-this man . [I]0-i can lie to [his]284-this man face about [my]0-i wants . [I]0-i can act like being in [his]284-this man arms for six days did n’t mean a thing . Because if [nobody]3093-nobody knows [my]0-i inner fears , then [they]1187-they ca n’t come true . [I]0-i turn the page of [my]0-i book on autopilot . [I]0-i have n’t read a word , but the habit of pretending is strong and down to [my]0-i bones . [I]0-i picture the roses that [he]284-this man left [me]0-i in [Épernay]8-épernay and the card that [I]0-i have safely tucked in [my]0-i purse . [WE]1188-we HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS . COME TO [PARIS]6-paris FOR THE WEEKEND . [I]0-i exhale heavily . [We]1188-we did the business , fair and square . Fucked it to hell and back , actually . So why does it still feel unfinished ? [I]0-i have this haunting feeling that it is n’t over . But then [I]0-i know it is . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is lingering in [my]0-i soul . . . and [the bastard wo n’t leave]1189-the bastard wo n’t leave . [He]74-tristan was supposed to be [my]0-i get - out - of - grief card , [my]0-i comeback into society . What [he]74-tristan was , was an intoxicating drug and an addiction that [I]0-i do n’t need . So now , instead of [one man]3090-one man lingering , [I]0-i have two . [[My]0-i beautiful husband]1191-my beautiful husband , [Wade]85-wade , the one [I]0-i planned a life with . . . [the one whose wishes [I]0-i ’m honoring]1192-the one whose wishes i ’m honoring . And then there ’s [Tristan]74-tristan , [the gorgeous soul - sucking bastard from [New York]5-new york]1193-the gorgeous soul - sucking bastard from new york . . . who has a fun , tender side underneath . But does [he]74-tristan really ? Does [he]74-tristan have a tender side , or is that just who [he]74-tristan pretends to be when [he]74-tristan ’s alone with [a woman]417-a woman ? Was that all a plot to get under [my]0-i guard ? It worked , if it was . [The man [I]0-i spent time with]1195-the man i spent time with was beautiful . [I]0-i drag [my]0-i hand down [my]0-i face . [I]0-i ’m sick of this . Why the hell am [I]0-i always the one who suffers ? If the truth be known , [Tristan]74-tristan is probably in bed with [another woman]3453-another woman right now . [She]3453-another woman ’d be blonde and beautiful and would be able to be spontaneous and fun . “ Give it back , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry snaps , interrupting [my]0-i thoughts as [he]141-harry snatches a puzzle piece from [Fletcher]96-fletcher . [I]0-i look around at [my]0-i chaotic surroundings , and [I]0-i know that [Tristan]74-tristan does n’t belong here in [[my]0-i world]1197-my world . [He]74-tristan will never belong here . This is as far from [his]74-tristan reality as [he]74-tristan could possibly be . [My]0-i stomach twists at the thought . [I]0-i get a vision of the two of [us]1198-we rolling around in the sheets , laughing and making love . The tenderness between [us]1198-we felt so real and intimate . Did it mean anything to [him]74-tristan at all ? [I]0-i turn the page of [my]0-i book . . . obviously not . “ [I]149-michael think that just about wraps it up , ”[149-michael] [Michael]149-michael , [[our]1198-we lead accountant]1199-our lead accountant , says as [he]149-michael looks up from [his]149-michael spreadsheets . [I]0-i smile , optimistic for the first time in a while . “ That ’s great ; thank [you]149-michael . ”[0-i] “ As long as [we]1198-we keep gaining traction on the advertising , [we]1198-we should be able to pull out of this . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i agree . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look around at [the board members]1200-the board members . “ Thank [you]1200-the board members all so much for pulling together and working through the issues . [Your]149-michael advice is so appreciated . ”[0-i] “ [We]1198-we ’ll get through this . ”[149-michael] [Michael]149-michael smiles . “ It ’s just a rough patch . ”[149-michael] “ [I]0-i know . ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod . “ Thanks again . ”[0-i] [The group of ten]1201-the group of ten stands , and [we]1198-we chatter as [we]1198-we leave . [They]1201-the group of ten wait for [me]0-i to lock up [[our]1198-we office]1085-our office , and [we]1198-we make [our]1198-we way [downstairs]3119-downstairs in [the elevator]571-the elevator together . It ’s late — nine o’clock on Thursday — and [we]1198-we ’ve had [our]1198-we monthly board meeting . [The figures]1205-the figures are finally turning around . [I]0-i do n’t have to let [anyone]393-anyone go this month , and [I]0-i think [we]1198-we ’re actually going to be okay . “ [I]0-i ’ll see [you]3631-you next month ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ For sure . Bye . ”[0-i] “ See [you]3631-you . Do [you]3631-you need a lift ? ”[0-i] “ No , [I]0-i ’m fine . Thanks anyway . ”[0-i] [I]0-i always stay in [a hotel here in [New York]5-new york]1207-a hotel here in new york on the nights [we]1198-we have a meeting . By the time [I]0-i got [home]341-home , [I]0-i ’d have to turn around and come straight back . It ’s not worth the two - hour drive . [My]0-i phone rings , and the name [Gabriel]86-gabriel lights up the screen . “ Hi , just finished , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ [I]0-i ’m across [the street]264-the street in [Luciano ’s]28-luciano ’s . ”[0-i] “ Fancy finding [Gabriel Ferrara]86-gabriel in [an Italian restaurant]3633-an italian restaurant , ”[0-i] [I]0-i tease . “ Shocking , is n’t it , ”[86-gabriel] [he]86-gabriel mutters dryly . “ [I]86-gabriel ’m coming out now . ”[86-gabriel] “ On [my]0-i way . ”[0-i] [I]0-i cross [the street]264-the street and begin making [my]0-i way down to [[my]0-i trusty friend]1210-my trusty friend . [Gabriel]86-gabriel always meets [me]0-i for drinks on the nights [I]0-i stay in [New York]5-new york . [We]1211-we do n’t paint [the town]1212-the town red or anything like that , but [we]1211-we have a good time just the same . [I]0-i see [him]86-gabriel walking down toward [me]0-i , and [I]0-i smile and kiss [his]86-gabriel cheek . “ Hello , [Bella]150-belinda . ”[86-gabriel] [He]86-gabriel smiles . “ Hello . ”[86-gabriel] [He]86-gabriel holds [his]86-gabriel arm out , and [I]0-i link it with [mine]0-i . “ The usual ? ”[86-gabriel] “ Uh - huh , sounds good . ”[1211-we] [We]1211-we walk the two blocks to [[our]1211-we favorite bar]1213-our favorite bar . “ Oh , did [I]1211-we tell [you]150-belinda that [Fletcher]96-fletcher started an internship ? ”[1211-we] “ No , [you]150-belinda called and told [me]86-gabriel [he]96-fletcher wanted to , but [I]86-gabriel have n’t seen [you]150-belinda since . ”[86-gabriel] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ In the end , [I]0-i could n’t talk [him]96-fletcher out of it . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i know , [I]1214-he think it will be good for [him]96-fletcher , ”[1214-he] [he]1214-he says as [we]1211-we walk arm in arm down [the street]264-the street . “ Hmm , yes , [I]1214-he think so too . Time will tell . [I]1214-he still think [he]96-fletcher ’s too young to be in [an office environment]3634-an office environment . ”[1214-he] “ [He]96-fletcher ’s eighteen , [Claire]81-claire . ”[1214-he] “ [I]1214-he know [he]96-fletcher is . [I]1214-he guess [he]96-fletcher will always be [a baby to [me]1214-he]3635-a baby to me . ”[1214-he] [He]1214-he rolls [his]1214-he eyes as [we]1211-we continue walking . [He]1214-he does n’t know [[my]0-i children]602-my children personally — only through what [I]0-i tell [him]1214-he . [I]0-i purposely have n’t told [Gabriel]86-gabriel where [Fletch]145-fletch is working . It ’s no secret how much [he]1214-he hates [Miles Media]78-miles media . [Ferrara Media]29-ferrara media and [Miles Media]78-miles media are [archenemies]1217-archenemies , and [their]1217-archenemies power struggle is played out in the media . If [he]1214-he knew that [I]0-i spent that week with [Tristan]74-tristan , [he]1214-he would lose [his]1214-he living shit . Oh well . . . it does n’t matter anyway , [I]0-i guess . [We]1218-we walk into [the bar]533-the bar . [It]1220-it ’s busy and bustling with [people in suits who have come straight from work]1221-people in suits who have come straight from work . “ [You]0-i grab a table , and [I]86-gabriel ’ll get some drinks , ”[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]86-gabriel says . “ The usual ? ”[86-gabriel] “ Yes , please . ”[86-gabriel] [He]86-gabriel walks off , and [I]0-i find a bench seat near the window . [I]0-i perch up onto the stool and quickly text [[my]0-i mom]3464-my mom . Hi , Everything okay with [[you]1223-you guys]3199-you guys ? A reply bounces straight back . Yes love , [Kids]3313-kids are all in bed . Goodnight , xoxox [I]0-i text back . Thanks [Mom]123-mom , What would [I]0-i do without [you]123-mom ? Love [you]123-mom xox [[My]0-i mom]3464-my mom is [a godsend]582-a godsend . [I]0-i do n’t know what [I]0-i would do without [parents]1228-parents . [I]0-i hear a loud burst of laughter from the other side of [the bar]533-the bar , and [I]0-i glance over to see [a group of men]515-a group of men , and [my]0-i eyes widen . [A man]280-a man has [his]280-a man back to [me]0-i and is being animated as [he]280-a man tells a story . [Everyone]382-everyone is listening and laughing as [he]280-a man speaks . Fuck . . . [I]0-i ’d know the back of [that man]3170-that man anywhere . Expensive designer suit , wavy dark hair , broad shoulders , and perfect posture . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . And [I]0-i ’m here with [Gabriel]86-gabriel . Double fuck . [I]0-i glance over to [the bar]533-the bar to see that [Gabriel]86-gabriel has just ordered , and [the bartender]662-the bartender is making [our]1236-our drinks . Oh no . . . too late to leave . [I]0-i shuffle [my]0-i stool around so that [my]0-i back is to [Tristan]74-tristan . Hopefully [he]74-tristan wo n’t see [me]0-i . [We]1236-our ’ll have one quick drink , and then [I]0-i ’ll sneak out of [here]3039-here . [Eight million people]1238-eight million people live in [New York City]11-new york city ; what are the damn chances of being in [the same bar]1239-the same bar as [him]74-tristan ? [I]0-i hear the loud burst of laughter again , and [I]0-i peer over to see [Tristan]74-tristan laughing out loud with [the other men]1240-the other men . [I]0-i do not need this shit tonight ; ca n’t [I]0-i just have a relaxing night with [[my]0-i friend]3156-my friend without [him]74-tristan turning up ? [Gabriel]86-gabriel returns to the table and passes [my]0-i glass of wine over . “ Thanks . ”[86-gabriel] [I]0-i take it from [him]86-gabriel a little too eagerly . [I]0-i ’m suddenly thirsty like a camel . “ How was [your]0-i meeting ? ”[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]86-gabriel asks . “ Good . ”[86-gabriel] [I]0-i smile , grateful to take [my]0-i mind off the gorgeous elephant in [the room]370-the room . “ The advertising has picked up , and the figures this month were good . Hopefully it will continue . ”[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]86-gabriel ’s eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ [You]0-i know , [I]86-gabriel ’ve been thinking . ”[86-gabriel] “ Did it hurt ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk into [my]0-i wineglass . “ Why do n’t [you]86-gabriel let [me]0-i help [you]86-gabriel ? ”[0-i] “ And how would [you]86-gabriel do that ? ”[86-gabriel] “ [I]86-gabriel could buy fifty percent of [Anderson Media]2-anderson media and take over half the debt . [We]3636-we could work together . [I]86-gabriel could even be [a silent partner]3637-a silent partner , if that ’s what [you]86-gabriel prefer . ”[86-gabriel] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . This is the first time [he]86-gabriel ’s ever mentioned anything like this . “ [I]86-gabriel ’m serious . [I]86-gabriel have the contacts , and [we]3636-we could really build it up for [the boys]3247-the boys . ”[86-gabriel] [I]0-i stare at [him]86-gabriel . “ And then”—he[86-gabriel] sips [his]86-gabriel drink casually—“when [you]0-i got back on [your]0-i feet , [you]0-i could buy [my]86-gabriel portion back from [me]86-gabriel . ”[86-gabriel] “ [You]86-gabriel ’d do that ? ”[86-gabriel] “ Of course , anything for [you]0-i . [You]0-i know that . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown and sip [my]0-i drink . “ [Claire Anderson]81-claire , ”[0-i] the familiar voice says from behind [my]0-i back . Fucking hell . [I]0-i turn and see [Tristan]74-tristan standing beside the table . “ Oh , hi , ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . [I]0-i look between [Gabriel]86-gabriel and [Tristan]74-tristan as [they]1243-they glare at [each other]286-each other . “ Drinking on a school night ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks . “ [She]81-claire ’s on a date with [me]86-gabriel , ”[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]86-gabriel snaps . [Tristan]74-tristan smiles sarcastically and pulls up a stool , as if undertaking a silent dare . “ Is that so ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sits down and turns [his]74-tristan attention to [me]0-i . The blood begins to drain from [my]0-i face . . . get [me]0-i out of here . “ Ah , [Tristan]74-tristan , do [you]74-tristan know [Gabriel]86-gabriel ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask nervously . [Tristan]74-tristan smiles and puts [his]74-tristan hand out to shake [Gabriel]86-gabriel ’s hand . “ Hello , [I]74-tristan ’m [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [Gabriel]86-gabriel glares at [him]74-tristan but does n’t shake [his]86-gabriel hand . “ [I]86-gabriel know who [you]74-tristan are . ”[86-gabriel] [Tristan]74-tristan smiles broadly and winks at [him]74-tristan . “ No handshake ? ”[74-tristan] Arrogance personified . Fuck . [He]74-tristan ’s [[[my]0-i son]1115-my son ’s boss]1246-my son ’s boss . [I]0-i have to be civil , and [he]74-tristan knows it . [Bastard]1247-bastard . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , if [you]74-tristan do n’t mind . . . [we]3639-we are in the middle of a business meeting , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ [I]74-tristan thought [you]74-tristan were on a date ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan replies calmly . “ [She]3640-she is . [We]3639-we are , ”[74-tristan] [Gabriel]86-gabriel fires back . [Tristan]74-tristan steeples [his]74-tristan hands in front of [him]74-tristan , as if amused . [His]74-tristan eyes are alight with troublemaking mischief . “ What do [you]74-tristan want , [Tristan]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [I]0-i need to talk to [you]74-tristan , [Claire]81-claire . ”[0-i] “ About ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sips [his]74-tristan drink , clearly amused at [his]74-tristan bastardly arrogance . “ [Fletcher]96-fletcher . ”[74-tristan] “ What the fuck do [you]74-tristan want to talk about [Fletcher]96-fletcher for ? ”[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]86-gabriel snaps . [Tristan]74-tristan turns [his]74-tristan attention back to [Gabriel]86-gabriel . “ Do [you]86-gabriel mind with the coarse language ? [Fletcher]96-fletcher is [[my]74-tristan intern]3641-my intern , and [I]74-tristan need to speak to [[his]96-fletcher mother]3642-his mother . So if [you]86-gabriel do n’t mind . . . ”[74-tristan] “ [Fletcher]96-fletcher is . . . ? ”[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]86-gabriel ’s face falls . “ [Fletcher]96-fletcher is working for [Miles]74-tristan ? Why , [Claire]81-claire ? ”[86-gabriel] [he]86-gabriel gasps . “ [He]96-fletcher wanted to work for the best . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan smiles sweetly . [His]74-tristan eyes hold [Gabriel]86-gabriel ’s in a silent dare . [I]0-i have n’t seen [Tristan Miles]74-tristan in full swing yet . [He]74-tristan ’s so arrogant that it ’s a joke , and [I]0-i hate to admit it . It ’s fucking hot . “ [You]86-gabriel want to talk to [me]0-i now ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Yes . Now . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan looks over at [Gabriel]86-gabriel . “ [Goodbye]151-goodbye . This particular meeting is of a private nature . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]86-gabriel ’m not going anywhere , ”[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]86-gabriel snaps . [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes come back to [mine]0-i . “ [I]74-tristan could always come to see [you]86-gabriel in [[your]86-gabriel office]3433-your office tomorrow , [Claire]81-claire . . . on [your]86-gabriel desk . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan mean at [her]81-claire desk , ”[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]86-gabriel replies . [Tristan]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a slow , sexy smile . “ [I]74-tristan know what [I]74-tristan meant . ”[74-tristan] Oh . . . fuck a duck . [I]0-i feel the blood drain from [my]0-i face . [He]74-tristan ’s going to let [Gabriel]86-gabriel know that [we]1248-we ’ve been together . Shit . [I]0-i need to diffuse this situation right now before there ’s an all - out fight . “ [Gabriel]86-gabriel , just give [me]1249-me ten minutes to speak to [Tristan]74-tristan about [Fletcher]96-fletcher . Why do n’t [you]86-gabriel go and order [us]1248-we some more drinks ? ”[1249-me] [They]1249-me glare at [each other]286-each other for what feels like forever , and finally [Gabriel]86-gabriel stands . “ [You]74-tristan have five minutes , ”[86-gabriel] [he]86-gabriel warns [him]74-tristan . [Tristan]74-tristan smiles , unfazed by the threat , and then [he]74-tristan turns [his]74-tristan attention to [me]0-i . [His]74-tristan face drops , and [he]74-tristan stares at [me]0-i flatly . “ What are [you]74-tristan doing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]74-tristan sits forward , unable to hide [his]74-tristan anger . “ What are [you]74-tristan doing ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan ’m having a drink with [a friend]3196-a friend . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan ’re friends with [Gabriel Ferrara]86-gabriel ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan scoffs . “ Yes , [I]74-tristan am , actually , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i fire back . [He]74-tristan sips [his]74-tristan drink as [he]74-tristan glares at [me]0-i . “ What kind of [friend]3645-friend , [Claire]81-claire ? ”[74-tristan] “ That ’s none of [your]74-tristan business . ”[74-tristan] “ So let [me]0-i get this straight : [you]74-tristan do n’t want to see [me]0-i because of what [I]0-i do for a living . . . but [you]74-tristan are — ”[0-i] [I]0-i cut [him]74-tristan off . “ [I]0-i do n’t want to see [you]74-tristan because [you]74-tristan ’re [a coward]3646-a coward . ”[0-i] “ How the fuck am [I]0-i coward ? ”[0-i] “ One meeting with [[my]0-i children]602-my children , and [you]74-tristan run for [the hills]3648-the hills , ”[0-i] [I]0-i blurt out before [I]0-i put [my]0-i brain - to - mouth filter on . [He]74-tristan clenches [his]74-tristan fists , barely able to control [his]74-tristan anger . “ [You]0-i told [me]74-tristan [you]0-i did n’t want to see [me]74-tristan before [I]74-tristan even met [[your]0-i children]3649-your children . Do not fucking lie to [me]74-tristan , [Claire]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan growls . [I]0-i sit back , affronted . [I]0-i hate that [he]74-tristan can see through [me]0-i . “ [I]74-tristan know who [the coward]3650-the coward is here , [Claire]81-claire , and it is n’t fucking [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ [[You]74-tristan arrogant prick]3651-you arrogant prick . Have [you]0-i ever considered that maybe [I]74-tristan just do n’t like [you]0-i ? ”[74-tristan] “ No . [I]0-i have n’t . Because [I]0-i know [you]74-tristan do . ”[0-i] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face in disgust . “ [I]0-i know that [you]74-tristan think that [every woman in [the world]259-the world]3652-every woman in the world is in love with [you]74-tristan , but [I]0-i can assure [you]74-tristan , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles , [I]0-i am not . ”[0-i] [His]1251-he eyes hold [mine]0-i , and [he]1251-he gives [me]0-i a slow , sexy smile , as if [he]1251-he knows a secret . “ What ? ”[1251-he] [He]1251-he leans in so that only [I]0-i can hear [him]1251-he . “ [I]1251-he know for a fact that if [I]1251-he wanted to take [you]0-i [home]341-home , [I]1251-he could have [you]0-i riding [my]1251-he cock all night . ”[1251-he] [I]0-i get a vision of [myself]0-i naked and on top of [him]1251-he , [his]1251-he thick body deep inside of [mine]0-i , and [my]0-i body clenches in appreciation . “ The hell [you]1251-he could , ”[0-i] [I]0-i sneer . [He]1251-he leans closer and puts [his]1251-he lips to [my]0-i ear . [His]1251-he breath sends goose bumps down [my]0-i spine . “ It would n’t bother [you]0-i that [I]1251-he did n’t like [[your]0-i children]3649-your children if [you]0-i did n’t want [me]1251-he . ”[1251-he] [I]0-i clench [my]0-i jaw , annoyed with [myself]0-i for saying that out loud . “ Fuck [you]0-i . ”[1251-he] [He]1251-he smiles darkly . “ Admit it , [Anderson]81-claire ; [you]81-claire think about [me]1251-he . . . just as much as [I]1251-he think about [you]81-claire . ”[1251-he] Shocked by [his]1251-he admission , [I]0-i swallow the lump in [my]0-i throat . “ [You]1251-he think about [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ All the fucking time . [You]1251-he ’re driving [me]0-i insane . ”[0-i] Electricity buzzes between [us]1252-us . . . and [I]0-i hate that it does . “ On that note”—he[0-i] stands—“I’ll let [you]81-claire get back to [your]81-claire date . ”[0-i] Do n’t go . “ It ’s not a date . [He]1251-he ’s just [a friend]3196-a friend , ”[0-i] [I]0-i blurt out . [Our]1252-us eyes lock . “ Prove it . ”[1252-us] The air between [us]1252-us is heavy with anger and want ; it ’s a heady combination . “ Call [me]1251-he in two hours , ”[1251-he] [he]1251-he replies . “ Why would [I]1251-he do that ? ”[1251-he] [His]1251-he dark eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ Because [I]1251-he ’ve never needed to please [a woman]417-a woman as much as [I]1251-he crave to please [you]0-i . . . let [me]1251-he . ”[1251-he] [I]0-i get a vision of [his]1251-he head between [my]0-i legs , [his]1251-he thick tongue taking what it needs from [me]0-i , and arousal begins to heat [my]0-i blood . [I]0-i do n’t want to want [him]1251-he . . . but [God]97-god , [I]0-i really do . This is n’t good . Without another word , [he]1251-he turns and walks off , back to [[his]1251-he friends on the other side of [the bar]533-the bar]1253-his friends on the other side of the bar . [I]0-i stare into [the space [he]1251-he just left]1255-the space he just left . Every cell in [my]0-i body is tingling , every inch of [me]0-i craving what [he]1251-he has to give . Good God , [the devil]3171-the devil really does wear Prada . [I]0-i ’m totally fucking screwed . Chapter 12 [I]0-i take deep breaths as [I]0-i try to ignore the feelings that [Tristan Miles]74-tristan arouses in [me]0-i . Maybe that ’s it — it ’s just a bad - boy thing . Yes , [all women]650-all women experience this at least once in [their]650-all women lives . [I]0-i ’m just doing it a little later than most . Of course . That is totally it . Why did n’t [I]0-i realize this before ? [I]0-i know [I]0-i should n’t want [him]1251-he , and so therefore [I]0-i do . Maybe if [he]1251-he were [the perfect model citizen]1258-the perfect model citizen , [I]0-i would n’t even want [him]1251-he at all . [I]0-i sip [my]0-i wine in celebration about [my]0-i epiphany . [God]97-god . . . and [I]0-i thought [I]0-i really liked [him]1251-he . [Stupid idiot]1259-stupid idiot . This is actually a relief . [My]0-i phone vibrates on the table as it receives a text . [Tristan]74-tristan . Here [we]1260-we go . Let [me]0-i guess , [Gabriel Ferrara]86-gabriel is offering to help [you]74-tristan financially ? [I]0-i frown . What ? Angered , [I]0-i text back . [Gabriel]86-gabriel is [a good friend]1261-a good friend . [I]0-i ’m offended . Stop texting [me]0-i before [I]0-i block [you]74-tristan . A reply bounces back . If [you]74-tristan block [me]0-i , who ’s going to nail [you]74-tristan through the mattress tonight ? [I]0-i bite [my]0-i lip to stop [myself]0-i from smiling . [I]0-i write back . [I]0-i am on a date with [another man]531-another man . [I]0-i would n’t get too cocky if [I]0-i were [you]74-tristan . An answer bounces back . [You]74-tristan do n’t like [him]531-another man , [I]0-i know [you]74-tristan do n’t . [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes ; the arrogance of [this man]284-this man is next level . Okay [Siri]152-siri , if [you]74-tristan say so . [I]0-i smirk as [I]0-i hit send . [Siri]152-siri ? [I]0-i glance over to see [him]284-this man sitting on a stool , smirking back as [he]284-this man texts [me]0-i . [Bastard]1247-bastard . [I]0-i like this game , and [I]0-i really should n’t . [I]0-i reply . Well [you]74-tristan seem to know everything , so [I]0-i assume [you]74-tristan moonlight as [Siri]152-siri . [I]0-i look over to see [him]284-this man smile broadly as [he]284-this man reads [my]0-i text . [I]0-i bite the inside of [my]0-i cheek as [I]0-i act uninterested . Lose [the prick]1265-the prick and come buy [me]0-i a drink . [I]0-i giggle before [I]0-i can stop [myself]0-i . Of all the nerve . [I]0-i do n’t buy [random men]1266-random men drinks . Jealous ? [I]0-i glance over to see [him]284-this man smiling as [he]284-this man texts back . Of [him]284-this man ? [You]74-tristan must be joking . And [you]74-tristan will do whatever [I]0-i say . Make it Scotch . [My]0-i eyes glance over to the bar at [Gabriel]86-gabriel as [he]284-this man waits . This is insane . [I]0-i feel so naughty . [I]0-i write back . [You]74-tristan are delusional and strange . When [I]0-i ’m delusional [I]0-i just imagine [I]0-i ’m in [Hawaii]30-hawaii drinking [Mimosas]31-mimosas . Scotch is not a dream drink . [Gabriel]86-gabriel walks back through [the crowd]433-the crowd with [our]1268-we two drinks and places them on the table . “ Here [you]0-i go . ”[86-gabriel] “ Thanks . ”[86-gabriel] [He]86-gabriel takes a seat . “ Are [you]86-gabriel serious ? ”[86-gabriel] “ [Gabriel]86-gabriel . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . Here [we]1268-we go — an hour - long lecture . “ [Fletcher]96-fletcher wanted to work for [them]3658-them . ”[0-i] “ Why would n’t [he]96-fletcher come and work for [me]86-gabriel ? ”[86-gabriel] [he]86-gabriel snaps . “ [I]86-gabriel ’m offended . [Ferrara Media]29-ferrara media is where [he]96-fletcher should be . ”[86-gabriel] “ [He]96-fletcher applied without [me]0-i even knowing . [I]0-i have to let [him]96-fletcher choose [his]96-fletcher path . ”[0-i] “ With [him]96-fletcher ? ”[86-gabriel] [he]86-gabriel snaps again . [My]0-i phone beeps with a text . [I]0-i glance at the screen . That ’s a great idea , let ’s go to [Hawaii]30-hawaii for the weekend . [We]1268-we can practice tantric sex . A stupid grin crosses [my]0-i face before [I]0-i can cover it up . Stop it . [I]0-i bring [my]0-i focus back to [Gabriel]86-gabriel . “ Look , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say guiltily . “ It ’s only twelve months , and [I]0-i know that it is n’t ideal , but it will be good for [him]96-fletcher to get out of [his]96-fletcher comfort zone . And besides , [he]96-fletcher ’s giving [them]3659-them a run for [their]3659-them money , so [he]96-fletcher might not even last without being fired . ”[0-i] “ Why did n’t [you]86-gabriel tell [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ Because [I]0-i knew [you]86-gabriel would react like this . ”[0-i] A text bounces in , and [I]0-i pick up [my]0-i phone off the table to shield it from [Gabriel]86-gabriel ’s eyes . It ’s a cartoon Kama Sutra image of [people in a sexual position with the heading ROCK - A - BYE BOOTY]1269-people in a sexual position with the heading rock - a - bye booty . [I]0-i glance over and see [Tristan]74-tristan ’s shoulders bouncing as [he]86-gabriel laughs and watches [me]0-i . Oh hell . “ [I]86-gabriel ’m not impressed at all , [Claire]81-claire . [I]86-gabriel do n’t like [him]96-fletcher being around [them]1269-people in a sexual position with the heading rock - a - bye booty , ”[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]86-gabriel continues , completely distracted . “ [You]86-gabriel know as well as [I]0-i do [they]1269-people in a sexual position with the heading rock - a - bye booty are [good businesspeople]3660-good businesspeople , ”[0-i] [I]0-i argue . “ [I]0-i was n’t impressed at first , but the more [I]0-i thought about it , the more it made sense . ”[0-i] [My]0-i phone beeps with a text , and [I]0-i open it discreetly on [my]0-i lap . It ’s another cartoon Kama Sutra drawing of [a woman]417-a woman crouched between [a man]280-a man ’s legs , [his]280-a man dick in [her]417-a woman mouth . The heading is THE MOTHERLOAD . What the hell ? [I]0-i burst out laughing . [I]0-i glance up , and [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes are alight with mischief as [he]74-tristan chuckles . “ What is so funny ? ”[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]86-gabriel snaps . “ Oh , [Marley]77-marley is having boyfriend trouble . [She]77-marley ’s just relaying [their]3661-their latest tiff , ”[0-i] [I]0-i lie . “ No wonder , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mutters into [his]74-tristan drink . “ [That woman]527-that woman is [a nutjob]3663-a nutjob . ”[74-tristan] [A waitress]1272-a waitress arrives at [our]1273-us table . “ Here [you]86-gabriel go — two mimosas . ”[1272-a waitress] [She]1272-a waitress carefully puts the two drinks down in front of [us]1273-us . “ What are these ? ”[86-gabriel] [Gabriel]86-gabriel frowns . “ On [the house]924-the house , ”[1274-the waitress] [the waitress]1274-the waitress replies . “ Enjoy . ”[1272-a waitress] [She]1272-a waitress walks off , and [I]0-i stare at the drinks in front of [us]1273-us . Do n’t look over at [him]74-tristan . . . do n’t look at [him]74-tristan . . . do n’t look at [him]74-tristan . That ’s what [he]74-tristan wants . [I]0-i can not believe the gall of [this man]284-this man . [Most men]1276-most men would be rattled seeing [a woman]417-a woman out with [another man]531-another man . [Most men]1276-most men are n’t [Tristen Miles]153-tristen miles . [He]74-tristan ’s unrattle - able . . . is that even a word ? And [I]0-i hate to admit it , but confidence in [a man]280-a man is very fucking appealing . [Gabriel]86-gabriel picks up [his]86-gabriel mimosa and takes a sip . “ Hmm , not bad . ”[86-gabriel] [He]86-gabriel shrugs . [I]0-i smirk as [I]0-i stare at [[my]0-i clueless friend]1281-my clueless friend . If [he]1281-my clueless friend knew who bought that drink , [he]1281-my clueless friend would be choking on it . “ [I]0-i ’m just going to go to [the bathroom]584-the bathroom , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . [I]0-i get up and make [my]0-i way through [the bar]533-the bar and into [the ladies ’ bathroom]1283-the ladies ’ bathroom . [I]0-i take [my]0-i time and mentally prepare [myself]0-i to ignore [Tristan]74-tristan for good . [I]0-i need to stop this flirty game [we]1284-we have going on . But [he]1281-my clueless friend ’s so fun . No . . . enough is enough . [I]0-i open the door , and before [I]0-i know it , [someone]3143-someone grabs [my]0-i hand and pulls [me]0-i around the corner and pins [me]0-i to the wall . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [His]74-tristan lips drop to [my]0-i neck . “ Hello , [Anderson]81-claire , fancy meeting [you]0-i here . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles against [my]0-i skin as [his]74-tristan teeth skim [my]0-i neck . “ What are [you]74-tristan doing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as goose bumps scatter up [my]0-i arms . “ Accosting [you]74-tristan in [the hallway]3666-the hallway — what does it look like ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan bites [me]0-i hard , and [I]0-i tingle to [my]0-i toes . “ What if [I]0-i really was here with [Gabriel]86-gabriel ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . “ Then [I]0-i ’m about to steal [[his]86-gabriel girl]3667-his girl . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan smiles as [he]74-tristan takes [my]0-i face in [his]74-tristan hands . [My]0-i God , [he]74-tristan ’s so naughty . “ Stop it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i breathe . “ No . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i , soft and slow . [His]74-tristan tongue gently coaxes [mine]0-i to come out and play . [My]0-i eyes close in pleasure . Damn it , why does [he]74-tristan have to kiss so well ? “ [Tris]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i breathe as [I]0-i feel [my]0-i resistance begin to wane . “ One last time . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sucks on [my]0-i tongue , and [I]0-i go weak at the knees . “ [We]3668-we should n’t , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whimper as [my]0-i hands go to [his]74-tristan muscular behind . “ [We]3668-we totally fucking should . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pins [me]0-i to the wall , and [I]0-i feel [his]74-tristan rock - hard erection up against [my]0-i stomach . [My]0-i insides begin to liquefy . . . fucking hell , [he]74-tristan ’s so damn hot that [I]0-i ca n’t stand it . Burning inferno . “ Go out there , and tell [him]74-tristan [you]0-i ’re going [home]341-home . ”[0-i] “ Why would [I]74-tristan do that ? ”[74-tristan] “ Because [you]74-tristan are going [home]341-home . With [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] “ Or [I]74-tristan can come and drag [you]74-tristan from the table . It ’s [your]74-tristan choice . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan shrugs casually . “ [I]74-tristan need [you]0-i . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan grabs [my]0-i hip bones and drags [my]0-i body over [his]74-tristan hardened cock . [He]74-tristan does need [me]0-i ; every cell in [his]74-tristan body needs [me]0-i . [I]0-i can feel it . [His]74-tristan hands are in [my]0-i hair , and [our]1286-we kisses become frantic . Deep , long , and passionate . Oh hell . . . [I]0-i need [you]1287-you too . “ Last time , ”[0-i] [I]0-i pant against [his]74-tristan open lips . “ For real . ”[0-i] [His]74-tristan eyes are closed in pleasure . What must [we]1286-we look like ? [He]74-tristan ’s fighting this too . [He]74-tristan knows [we]1286-we are wrong for each other , but the physical attraction between [us]1286-we is just too strong . One time . . . one time wo n’t hurt . . . will it ? The damage is already done . One more time wo n’t hurt , surely ? “ Go out there , and tell [him]74-tristan [you]0-i ’re leaving , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says as [he]74-tristan straightens [my]0-i skirt and tucks in [my]0-i blouse . “ [I]74-tristan ’m finishing [my]74-tristan drink , and then [I]74-tristan will . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i tenderly ; [his]74-tristan lips linger over [mine]0-i . “ Stay at [[my]74-tristan house]3381-my house . ”[74-tristan] “ No , [I]74-tristan have [a room]818-a room booked . ”[74-tristan] “ Where ? ”[74-tristan] “ [The Edison at [Times Square]32-times square]3673-the edison at times square . ”[74-tristan] “ Meet [you]0-i [there]3088-there . Tell [the desk]3675-the desk that [[your]0-i husband]3074-your husband is picking up a key . ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod , unable to verbally agree to this lunacy . [My]0-i voice box must know that this is a bad idea . [He]74-tristan tucks a piece of hair behind [my]0-i ear , smiles , and kisses [me]0-i once more . [He]74-tristan really is [a gorgeous man]1288-a gorgeous man — there ’s no denying it . “ It ’s good to see [you]0-i , [Anderson]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [I]0-i smile softly up at the forbidden fruit . . . it ’s so good to see [you]74-tristan . [His]74-tristan dark eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ [I]74-tristan ca n’t fucking wait to get [you]0-i naked . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan turns and , without another word , walks back out into [the bar]533-the bar as if nothing has happened . [I]0-i stare after [him]74-tristan . [My]0-i hair is messed up , and [my]0-i body is tingling from head to toe . [My]0-i chest rises and falls as [I]0-i try to regain [my]0-i composure . Jesus , what did [I]0-i just agree to ? [Tristan]74-tristan fucking [Miles]74-tristan . [I]0-i switch the channel on the television and glance at the clock . Where is [he]74-tristan ? It ’s been over an hour . [I]0-i raced back to [[my]0-i hotel room]1290-my hotel room , showered , and got all irresistible , and now [he]74-tristan has n’t even come . . . what if [he]74-tristan does n’t show up ? [My]0-i eyes widen in horror as a possibility comes to mind . What if [he]74-tristan was just pulling a power play to prove that [he]74-tristan can have [me]0-i if [he]74-tristan wants [me]0-i ? No . . . [he]74-tristan would n’t . Oh [my]0-i God , [he]74-tristan totally would . . . it ’s [Tristan]74-tristan . What did [I]0-i expect ? [I]0-i hear the door click , and [I]0-i quickly rearrange [myself]0-i in the bed . [He]74-tristan ’s lucky . The door opens , and [he]74-tristan closes it behind [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan turns , and then [his]74-tristan eyes float over [my]0-i naked body . [He]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a slow , sexy smile . “ [Anderson]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i ’m lying on the bed , naked , [my]0-i legs slightly parted . If [I]0-i ’m going to do this whore - bag thing , [I]0-i ’m going hard core . Do n’t mess with [me]0-i tonight , [fucker]1291-fucker ; [you]1291-fucker have something [I]0-i need . [You]1291-fucker ’re going down . . . literally . [His]74-tristan eyes fix on [mine]0-i . “ Playing hard to get , [I]74-tristan see ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan jerks [his]74-tristan tie hard as [he]74-tristan undoes it . “ [I]74-tristan am hard to get . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i tap the bed beside [me]0-i . “ But tonight , [I]0-i ’m easy to fuck . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan chuckles as [he]74-tristan sits beside [me]0-i . “ How convenient . [I]74-tristan happen to be in [the fucking market]3677-the fucking market [myself]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan bends and kisses [me]0-i , and [I]0-i smile against [his]74-tristan lips . [His]74-tristan hand runs up the inside of [my]0-i inner thigh and then swipes down and through [my]0-i wet sex . . . this all feels so natural . Too natural . As if [he]74-tristan was always meant to touch [me]0-i . . . as if [he]74-tristan always has . No . Not tonight . [I]0-i want some power in this exchange . [He]74-tristan ’s doing what [I]0-i want . [He]74-tristan ’s pleasing [me]0-i . [I]0-i arch [my]0-i back and spread [my]0-i legs . “ Feeling hungry ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [His]74-tristan eyes flicker with arousal , and [he]74-tristan smiles darkly . “ Fucking oath [I]74-tristan am . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan stands and tears [his]74-tristan jacket over [his]74-tristan shoulders and throws it to the side with urgency . “ Starving , actually . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan grabs a paper bag from the inside pocket and then pulls out a box of condoms . “ Do [you]74-tristan know how many fucking pharmacies [I]0-i just went to to find these ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle . “ [I]0-i could n’t find one . [I]0-i even contemplated going into the brothel on the corner and offering [them]3678-them a hundred dollars for a box . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m not going to ask [you]74-tristan how [you]74-tristan know that there ’s a brothel on [the corner]3679-the corner . ”[0-i] [I]0-i raise [my]0-i eyebrow . [He]74-tristan frowns , realizing what [he]74-tristan ’s just revealed . “ Shut up , [Siri]152-siri . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan unzips [his]74-tristan trousers and pushes them down , revealing [his]74-tristan hard , thick cock . [My]0-i stomach flutters , and [I]0-i giggle in excitement . It ’s like Christmas morning , and [I]0-i ’m watching [my]0-i presents being unwrapped . This time with [him]74-tristan is different . [I]0-i ’m not nervous or scared . [I]0-i ’m excited , because [I]0-i know how good this night is going to be . [He]74-tristan drops to [his]74-tristan knees beside the bed and pulls [me]0-i over to [him]74-tristan and then spreads [my]0-i legs and studies [me]0-i there . [My]0-i breath catches as [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan . This is strangely intimate . . . but it ’s okay , because it ’s [him]74-tristan . And [I]0-i know how much [he]74-tristan loves [my]0-i body . [I]0-i do n’t have one insecurity when [I]0-i ’m naked with [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan would n’t let [me]0-i even if [I]0-i did . “ Ohh , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers darkly . “ [I]74-tristan missed this pretty pussy . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i there with an open mouth , and [I]0-i reach down and put [my]0-i fingers in [his]74-tristan hair . [His]74-tristan thick tongue swipes through [my]0-i flesh , and [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan does n’t go down on [women]410-women for [them]410-women . . . [he]74-tristan does it for [himself]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan loves it . It ’s [his]74-tristan favorite thing ; [he]74-tristan could do it for an hour , and [I]0-i would still have to drag [him]74-tristan up to [me]0-i . [My]0-i back arches in pleasure , and [I]0-i whimper . [His]74-tristan licks are hard and slow , measured for the perfect pressure . [We]1293-our get into a rhythm , and [my]0-i body begins to shudder . [He]74-tristan smiles into [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan links [our]1293-our fingers on [my]0-i thigh . [Our]1293-our eyes are locked and . . . oh God . [He]74-tristan ’s perfect . The way [he]74-tristan holds [my]0-i hand as [he]74-tristan eats [me]0-i . The way [he]74-tristan looks at [me]0-i . The way [he]74-tristan enjoys it . No wonder [I]0-i ’m addicted to [this man]284-this man ; [he]284-this man ’s [[the world]259-the world ’s greatest lover]1296-the world ’s greatest lover . [He]74-tristan begins to flick [his]74-tristan tongue in a practiced move , and [I]0-i convulse . Shit . [I]0-i have no defense against [him]74-tristan when [he]74-tristan does that . [I]0-i begin to moan . [He]74-tristan spreads [my]0-i legs farther apart , [his]74-tristan hands on [my]0-i inner thighs . [His]74-tristan entire face is wet with [my]0-i arousal now , and [I]0-i begin to writhe under [him]74-tristan . It hits [me]0-i like [a freight train]1297-a freight train , and [I]0-i scream out in wonder . [He]74-tristan smiles into [me]0-i as [his]74-tristan eyes close in pleasure once more . The shock waves of [the world]259-the world ’s strongest orgasm shudder through [me]0-i , and then [he]74-tristan picks [me]0-i up and throws [me]0-i over onto [my]0-i knees . [I]0-i hear the telling rip of the condom packet , and then [he]74-tristan twists [my]0-i ponytail around [his]74-tristan hand and pulls [me]0-i back onto [his]74-tristan cock . Oh God . . . [he]74-tristan ’s in that mood . . . [he]74-tristan ’s going to ride [me]0-i [home]341-home . . . literally . [He]74-tristan hisses as [he]74-tristan slides in deep , and [my]0-i body shakes , still too sensitive from [his]74-tristan tongue . [I]0-i drop [my]0-i shoulders into the mattress , unable to hold [myself]0-i up , and [he]74-tristan jerks [me]0-i back up onto [his]74-tristan cock by the hair and slaps [my]0-i behind . “ Up , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan commands in a growl . [I]0-i smile . Oh , [I]0-i love [him]74-tristan like this . [He]74-tristan slowly slides in . . . and then slides out . In and then out . [He]74-tristan gives [his]74-tristan cock a delicious deep circle , taking [his]74-tristan time to stretch [me]0-i . No matter how turned on [he]74-tristan is , [he]74-tristan ’s always careful to prepare [my]0-i body . [He]74-tristan knows [he]74-tristan ’s [a big man]578-a big man , and [his]74-tristan experience shows . “ [You]0-i all right ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan breathes . [I]0-i nod . “ Answer [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whimper . But [I]0-i ’m not all right ; sex with [Tristan]74-tristan is not all right . . . it ’s a blinding light . So much more than all right . It ’s everything . [He]74-tristan slides out , and the sound of [my]0-i wet arousal sucks in the air . “ It ’s time for [you]0-i to learn a lesson , [Anderson]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [I]0-i smile . “ Siri to [you]0-i . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan chuckles and slams in hard , and [I]0-i cry out . Ouch . [He]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a few hard pumps . “ What ’s the lesson ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i whimper , [his]74-tristan grip on [my]0-i hair near painful . “ [You]81-claire do n’t get to break up with [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pumps [me]0-i hard , and [I]0-i nearly bounce headfirst into the wall . “ [We]3680-we do n’t end . . . until [we]3680-we both decide . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan slams [me]0-i hard again , and it ’s so good that [my]0-i body begins to ripple around [him]74-tristan once more . [He]74-tristan jerks [me]0-i by the hair , and [I]0-i smile up at the ceiling , [his]74-tristan cock riding [me]0-i in hard , measured strokes . “ Do [you]0-i understand [me]74-tristan ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan pants . “ No . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i giggle . Slap . [His]74-tristan hand comes down on [my]0-i behind . “ Ouch , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i whimper . [His]74-tristan hips pick up the pace . “ [We]3681-we do n’t end . . . until [we]3681-we fucking end . ”[74-tristan] The bed begins to hit the wall with force . [His]74-tristan grip is painful . “ Tell [me]74-tristan [you]0-i fucking understand , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan moans . Butterflies flutter deep in [my]0-i stomach . Hearing the arousal in [his]74-tristan voice does things to [me]0-i . “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i pant . “ Yes what ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan growls . “ [I]74-tristan understand . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan lets go and really lets [me]0-i have it , and it ’s beautiful and blinding , and [I]0-i ’m sure [the concierge]381-the concierge is going to be knocking on the door any moment because the bed is hitting the wall so hard that [I]0-i ’m positive [we]1302-we ’re causing structural damage . “ Fuck , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan moans , [his]74-tristan voice deep and guttural . “ [Anderson]81-claire . . . fuck [me]74-tristan , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan growls , losing control . “ Fuck [me]74-tristan harder . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan grip tightens , [his]74-tristan pumps get harder , and God , this is next - level incredible . [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face as [I]0-i try to hold it , and [he]74-tristan slaps [my]0-i behind again . [I]0-i scream out , and [I]0-i clench as [I]0-i come in a rush . [He]74-tristan holds [himself]74-tristan deep , and [I]0-i feel [his]74-tristan cock jerk hard inside of [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan lets [me]0-i go , lays [me]0-i down , rolls [me]0-i onto [my]0-i back , and then slides back into [my]0-i body . [His]74-tristan lips take [mine]0-i with a tenderness [I]0-i ’ve never known . [We]1303-we stare at [each other]286-each other for a prolonged moment , and [I]0-i can feel [his]74-tristan cock gently pulsating inside of [me]0-i as it tries to completely empty itself . “ [I]74-tristan missed [you]0-i , [Anderson]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers as [he]74-tristan brushes the hair back from [my]0-i face . [I]0-i stare up at [him]74-tristan , shocked . An unwelcome emotion overwhelms [me]0-i , and [I]0-i blink to stop the tears . This is n’t how this is supposed to go . [I]0-i expected a booty call , but this feels special and intimate . [We]1303-we kiss , and [I]0-i feel [my]0-i heart constrict in [my]0-i chest . This was a bad idea . [I]0-i want to go [home]341-home . Chapter 13 [I]0-i wake to the feeling of gentle kisses dusting [my]0-i shoulder , and [I]0-i smile sleepily . [He]74-tristan ’s here . There ’s no mistaking waking up next to [Tristan]74-tristan . [His]74-tristan cheek comes to [mine]0-i from behind . “ Morning . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile . “ [Anderson]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan purrs . [I]0-i chuckle and turn toward [him]74-tristan so [he]74-tristan can kiss the side of [my]0-i face again . What a night . Ecstasy does n’t come close to where [this man]284-this man takes [me]0-i . [His]74-tristan touch is otherworldly . “ [I]74-tristan ’ve got to go , [babe]3682-babe , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan murmurs . “ [I]74-tristan have a meeting in like half an hour on [the other side of [town]3684-town]3683-the other side of town . ”[74-tristan] “ Okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . [I]0-i roll over to face [him]74-tristan , and [we]1307-we stare at [each other]286-each other for a moment . [I]0-i bring [my]0-i hand up and run it through [his]74-tristan dark stubble . “ When will [I]74-tristan see [you]0-i ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks . [My]0-i heart drops . [I]0-i know this is n’t going anywhere , and [I]0-i have to rip off the Band - Aid . “ [You]0-i wo n’t . This ca n’t go on , [Tris]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i , and a frown crosses [his]74-tristan brow , but [he]74-tristan stays silent . “ [I]0-i wish things were different , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say softly as [I]0-i lean in and kiss [his]74-tristan lips . “ [I]0-i really do . ”[0-i] [I]0-i concentrate on [my]0-i fingers in [his]74-tristan stubble . [They]1309-they distract [me]0-i from [my]0-i heart telling [me]0-i to stop talking . “ [I]74-tristan have [[my]74-tristan kids]617-my kids , and [I]74-tristan do n’t do casual , and [I]74-tristan ca n’t do a relationship . And even if [I]74-tristan could , it ’s not the life [you]0-i want . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan exhales deeply , knowing [I]0-i ’m right . [His]74-tristan eyes drop away from [mine]0-i . “ [We]3686-we ’re so good together , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i pull [his]74-tristan face back to [me]0-i . “ In . . . in another life , [we]3686-we could have been great . Just not this one . ”[0-i] [His]74-tristan eyes search [mine]0-i , and [I]0-i feel like [he]74-tristan has so much to say but is choosing to remain silent . “ Promise [me]74-tristan something . ”[74-tristan] “ What ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sighs , unimpressed . “ Promise [me]74-tristan . . . that sometimes . . . [you]74-tristan ’ll think of [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [Our]1310-our eyes are locked . “ No , [I]74-tristan ca n’t do that , [Anderson]81-claire . . . if [I]74-tristan ca n’t have [you]81-claire , [I]74-tristan do n’t want to think about [you]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile sadly and lean in and kiss [him]74-tristan . [Our]1310-our faces screw up together . This is goodbye . [We]1310-our stare at [each other]286-each other , and [he]74-tristan runs [his]74-tristan fingers over [my]0-i face , as if memorizing every inch . “ [I]74-tristan wish things were different , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ [Me]74-tristan too . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan frowns , and [I]0-i know [he]74-tristan wants one last time . [He]74-tristan goes to lie over [me]0-i . “ [I]74-tristan ca n’t , [Tris]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head , emotional overload threatening . “ [I]0-i just ca n’t . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan clenches [his]74-tristan jaw and gets out of bed in a rush . [He]74-tristan dresses in silence as [I]0-i lie and watch [him]74-tristan . “ [You]74-tristan know [I]0-i ’m right , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [He]74-tristan does [his]74-tristan tie , refusing to look at [me]0-i . “ Are [you]74-tristan going to say anything ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i ask . “ Nope . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pulls [his]74-tristan jacket over [his]74-tristan shoulders and retrieves [his]74-tristan expensive watch from [the bathroom]584-the bathroom and pats [his]74-tristan pockets as [he]74-tristan makes sure [he]74-tristan has everything . [He]74-tristan goes to the door , and [I]0-i hold [my]0-i breath as [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan . “ [Tris]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan turns back to [me]0-i . “ Can . . . can [you]0-i say something , please ? ”[74-tristan] “ What do [you]0-i want [me]74-tristan to say , [Claire]81-claire ? ”[74-tristan] Tears threaten . “ Anything ? ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i for a beat , and finally [he]74-tristan speaks . “ Goodbye . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i swallow the lump in [my]0-i throat . . . not that . [He]74-tristan turns and leaves . The door clicks closed , and [I]0-i stare at the back of it . [He]74-tristan would have fought [me]0-i if [he]74-tristan wanted it . [He]74-tristan did n’t . And now [I]0-i know . [I]0-i stand under the hot water and let it stream over [my]0-i head . [I]0-i ’ve had the worst week . Busy at work , and [I]0-i ’ve been moping around about [Tristan]74-tristan , and [I]0-i do n’t know why . [I]0-i did the right thing . [We]1313-we were never going anywhere , and [I]0-i knew that , but it still stung . [I]0-i just wish [he]74-tristan was n’t so perfect . Maybe with [kids]3313-kids [I]0-i ’ll just never meet [someone]3143-someone , and [I]0-i get it . [I]0-i ’m a lot to take on — [any single mother]1316-any single mother is . Maybe [my]0-i happiness wo n’t come until [they]3313-kids all move out . . . [I]0-i just have to be patient . [My]0-i phone dances around on the bathroom vanity , and [I]0-i peer out to see the name [Marley]77-marley light up the screen . [I]0-i jump out and answer it . Something must be wrong . “ Hello . ”[0-i] “ Hi , oh [my]0-i God . [You]0-i will never guess who [I]0-i am looking at right now . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Who ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m in [Portabella ’s]33-portabella ’s , [the Italian restaurant [we]3688-we ’ve been wanting to come to]3687-the italian restaurant we ’ve been wanting to come to . ”[0-i] “ Who with ? ”[0-i] “ [[My]0-i aunt]3689-my aunt . Guess who ’s here ? ”[0-i] “ Who ? ”[0-i] “ [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Guess who [he]74-tristan ’s here with ? ”[0-i] “ Who ? ”[0-i] Do n’t tell [me]0-i — [I]0-i really do n’t want to know . “ [Avril Mason]154-avril . ”[0-i] “ [The fashion editor]3690-the fashion editor ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Yes , [they]3688-we ’re on a date . [She]154-avril grabbed [his]74-tristan hand over the table before . ”[0-i] [My]0-i heart drops . “ Oh well , [I]0-i do n’t care . ”[0-i] [I]0-i act brave . “ Yeah , [I]0-i know . Just thought [you]0-i would want to know . ”[0-i] “ Not really . ”[0-i] [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes as the walls close in . “ [I]0-i ’m in the shower . [I]0-i ’ll see [you]0-i tomorrow ? Thanks for the update . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , sure thing . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hang up and get back under the shower and exhale heavily . Well , that ’s it . [He]1317-he ’s moved on . Did n’t take much . [I]0-i should have gone out on a date with a less dangerous option . [A man [I]0-i could n’t fall for]1318-a man i could n’t fall for . Oh well , it is what it is . [Tristan]74-tristan “ Well ? ”[1319-she] [She]1319-she smiles sexily . “ Tell [me]1319-she . ”[1319-she] [She]1319-she sucks on [her]1319-she finger seductively . “ How many times a day do [you]0-i think about [me]1319-she ? ”[1319-she] [I]0-i stare at [the woman sitting across the table]1320-the woman sitting across the table from [me]0-i . [Avril Mason]154-avril : [she]154-avril ’s beautiful , ticks all the right boxes . [Natural blonde , killer body , twenty - eight]1321-natural blonde , killer body , twenty - eight , [a successful fashion editor]1322-a successful fashion editor — [she]154-avril has been on [my]0-i radar for years , but [we]1323-we have never been single at the same time . [I]0-i went on one date with [her]154-avril before [I]0-i went to [France]9-france for the conference . After that [I]0-i thought [we]1323-we were going somewhere . Not so much now . [I]0-i should be obsessed with [her]154-avril ; [I]0-i should be chasing [her]154-avril around [New York]5-new york and falling hopelessly in love . What [I]0-i ’m doing is neither of those things . [I]0-i ’m dreaming of [a fiery brunette]1324-a fiery brunette . [That woman]527-that woman has gotten under [my]0-i skin . [I]0-i ca n’t get [Claire]81-claire fucking [Anderson]81-claire out of [my]0-i head . This is [my]0-i third date with [Avril]154-avril , and every damn time [I]0-i ’ve spent the entire evening dreaming of [Claire]81-claire . It ’s getting to where [I]0-i have to either step up and do the deed with [Avril]154-avril or stop seeing [her]154-avril . This is not [my]0-i style . [I]0-i fuck whomever [I]0-i want , whenever [I]0-i want . Doing the deed is never an issue . Especially with [someone [I]0-i know [I]0-i want]1326-someone i know i want . Usually , [I]0-i close the deal on the first night or , at the least , the second . This is [my]0-i third date with [Avril]154-avril , and as [she]154-avril sits across from [me]0-i — and as usual — [I]0-i find [myself]0-i wondering what [Claire]81-claire is doing . What is it about [her]81-claire that has [me]0-i captivated ? [She]81-claire ’s wrong for [me]0-i . . . in every sense . There is nothing that [we]1327-we have in common , and [she]81-claire ’s right — [we]1327-we live different lives in [different worlds]3497-different worlds . [Avril]154-avril picks [her]154-avril phone up and pouts and takes a selfie . [She]154-avril instantly posts it on [her]154-avril Instagram and tags [the restaurant]269-the restaurant . [I]0-i watch [her]81-claire in a strange detached state . Why is [she]81-claire so unattractive to [me]0-i , when [I]0-i know for a fact that [she]81-claire ’s beautiful ? What did that fucking [Claire Anderson]81-claire do to [my]0-i sex drive ? [My]0-i dick may as well have shriveled up and died . [He]1330-he does n’t want [anybody]3407-anybody but [her]81-claire . And [I]0-i do n’t get it , because [I]0-i ’ve dated [some beautiful women]3368-some beautiful women over the years and yet have never had this happen before . [I]0-i ’ve always had to try to reign in [my]0-i sex drive , control it to be loyal . It ’s been a conscious decision . But now , [nobody]3093-nobody seems to be good enough to make [him]1330-he even think about wanting to come out and party . Now [my]0-i traitorous body has only [one woman on its mind]1334-one woman on its mind . [I]0-i sip [my]0-i red wine , annoyed with [myself]0-i . Snap the fuck out of this . [Claire Anderson]81-claire is no good for [you]1335-you . Stop thinking about [her]81-claire . [Witch]155-witch . If [I]0-i had [my]0-i time again with [Claire]81-claire , [I]0-i ’d give it to [her]81-claire good . [I]0-i ’d break [her]81-claire in half . [I]0-i get a vision of [her]81-claire riding [my]0-i cock the other night , and [I]0-i clench in appreciation . . . so fucking hot . What am [I]0-i doing here ? “ Well ? ”[154-avril] [Avril]154-avril asks . Huh ? [I]0-i glance up from [my]0-i daydream . Did [she]81-claire say something ? “ [I]0-i ’m sorry ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]81-claire said , let ’s go back to [[my]81-claire place]3691-my place , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire whispers . “ [I]81-claire ’ve made [you]0-i wait long enough ; it ’s time . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i smirk , amused that [she]81-claire thinks [she]81-claire ’s made [me]0-i wait . [Poor deluded woman]1336-poor deluded woman . [I]0-i do n’t want this . “ [I]0-i have to be up early tomorrow . . . rain check ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Are [you]81-claire serious ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i hesitate , hardly able to believe it [myself]0-i . “ Yeah , [I]0-i am . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . [Her]81-claire eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ [You]81-claire ’re just not into [me]81-claire , are [you]81-claire ? ”[81-claire] [I]0-i puff air into [my]0-i cheeks , feeling guilty . “ It ’s not [you]81-claire . It ’s [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ [I]0-i ’m sorry . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ [I]0-i have no excuse , because [you]81-claire ’re perfect . ”[0-i] [She]81-claire gives [me]0-i a lopsided smile . “ Do [you]81-claire want to talk about it in bed ? ”[81-claire] [I]0-i chuckle and sip [my]0-i red wine . “ As tempting as that is . . . no . ”[0-i] “ So this is [our]3692-our last date ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i wince . “ [I]0-i think so . ”[0-i] “ [I]81-claire really thought [we]3692-our had something . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire pulls a whiny face , and as [I]0-i stare at [her]81-claire , [I]0-i remember [Claire]81-claire teasing [me]0-i with that exact line , as if [she]81-claire knew [I]0-i heard it often . And [I]0-i do . . . but [I]0-i never knew how it felt to hear it from [someone [I]0-i cared about]1337-someone i cared about . It sucks . [I]0-i read the report as [Fletcher]96-fletcher stands in front of [me]0-i , nervously waiting for [my]0-i opinion . A smile crosses [my]0-i face . [He]96-fletcher ’s worked hard on this ; [I]0-i can tell . “ This is good , [Fletch]145-fletch . ”[96-fletcher] “ Really ? ”[96-fletcher] “ [I]0-i like it . [I]0-i would have perhaps added a little more information on projected earnings for the first quarter . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look up at [him]96-fletcher . “ But it ’s good . [You]145-fletch did well this week . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher smiles . “ Thanks . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher turns to walk out , and [I]0-i notice it ’s dark outside . [I]0-i kept [him]96-fletcher later than usual . “ How are [you]96-fletcher getting [home]341-home ? ”[0-i] “ Subway , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher says . “ [I]96-fletcher can give [you]145-fletch a lift if [you]145-fletch want . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher frowns . “ [You]96-fletcher want to drive [me]96-fletcher [home]341-home ? ”[96-fletcher] “ No . [I]0-i ’m offering [you]96-fletcher a lift because it ’s Friday night , and [I]0-i know [you]96-fletcher ’ve missed [[your]96-fletcher usual train]3695-your usual train . And besides , [[your]96-fletcher mother]3465-your mother will have a conniption if something were to happen to [you]96-fletcher . ”[0-i] “ Ah . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher thinks about it . “ Contrary to what [you]96-fletcher believe , [Fletcher]96-fletcher , [I]96-fletcher ’m not [the devil]3171-the devil . [I]96-fletcher have no plans to kill [you]96-fletcher and bury [you]96-fletcher in a ditch on [a deserted road]3698-a deserted road . ”[96-fletcher] And besides , [I]0-i want to see [[your]1338-your mother]3465-your mother . “ See , the fact that [you]0-i said that . . . is just creepy , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher mutters dryly . [I]0-i chuckle . “ Was a little . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn off [my]0-i computer . “ Okay , let [’s]1340-’s go . ”[0-i] Twenty minutes later [we]1340-’s arrive at [[my]0-i parking space]1341-my parking space , and [Fletcher]96-fletcher ’s eyes nearly pop out of [his]96-fletcher head . “ This is [[your]0-i car]3480-your car ? ”[96-fletcher] “ Nice , huh ? ”[96-fletcher] The lights blink as [I]0-i unlock it . [He]96-fletcher whistles as [he]96-fletcher walks around [it]1341-my parking space . “ A brand - new [Aston Martin]34-aston martin . ”[96-fletcher] “ Uh - huh . ”[0-i] “ In sapphire black . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher gasps in awe . “ [You]0-i got it . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i smile . “ [You]96-fletcher like [these cars]3700-these cars ? ”[96-fletcher] “ [I]0-i love [these cars]3700-these cars . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ Maybe if [you]96-fletcher get [your]96-fletcher license , [you]96-fletcher can have a drive of it . ”[0-i] “ Really ? ”[96-fletcher] [His]96-fletcher eyes widen in excitement . [I]0-i shrug . “ Sure , why not ? ”[0-i] [Fletcher]96-fletcher has grown on [me]0-i . [He]96-fletcher ’s not [a bad kid]1342-a bad kid after all . Smart and funny , like [[his]96-fletcher mom]1343-his mom . [He]96-fletcher flashes [me]0-i a broad smile and climbs into the passenger seat . [I]0-i pull out of [the parking lot]907-the parking lot with speed , and [he]96-fletcher smiles goofily through the windshield . [She]1343-his mom better be [home]341-home . A long hour later [we]1346-we pull into [[his]96-fletcher street]1347-his street . “ Just up here on the left , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher says . “ [I]0-i have been [here]3039-here before , remember ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk . [He]96-fletcher gives a subtle shake of [his]96-fletcher head , embarrassed . [My]0-i eyes flick over to [him]96-fletcher . “ [You]96-fletcher know , [I]96-fletcher hate to admit it , but [you]96-fletcher impressed [me]96-fletcher that day . ”[96-fletcher] “ Why would that impress [you]96-fletcher ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ [I]96-fletcher like the way [you]96-fletcher look after [[your]96-fletcher mom]3703-your mom . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher smiles . “ Yeah , well , [she]1348-she ’s pretty amazing . ”[96-fletcher] [She]1348-she sure is . [I]0-i pull up out front and park [the car]371-the car . “ [I]0-i might just pop in to say hello to [her]1348-she — clear the air , so to speak ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . [I]0-i think quickly on [my]0-i feet . “ [We]1350-we were angry with [each other]286-each other last time [we]1350-we saw [one another]3282-one another in [[my]0-i office]298-my office . ”[0-i] [He]96-fletcher looks at [me]0-i for a bit , as if carefully considering [my]0-i request . “ Yeah , okay , [I]96-fletcher suppose . ”[96-fletcher] [We]1350-we get out of [the car]371-the car and walk up to [the house]924-the house . [I]0-i notice that there is no crap everywhere , unlike last time . The door opens in a rush , and [Claire]81-claire stands there , as if not realizing [we]1350-we were on the other side . [She]81-claire ’s wearing a black dress , and [her]81-claire hair is up . [She]81-claire looks beautiful . “ Oh . [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[81-claire] [Her]81-claire face falls when [she]81-claire sees [me]0-i , and [she]81-claire stares at [me]0-i for a beat . “ Hello , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire forces out . “ Hi . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i smile . Nerves dance in [my]0-i stomach . “ What are [you]0-i doing here ? ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire asks . “ [I]81-claire drove [Fletch]145-fletch [home]341-home . ”[81-claire] [Her]81-claire eyes flick between [me]0-i and [Fletcher]96-fletcher . “ Did [you]0-i forget about tonight , [Fletch]145-fletch ? ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire asks . [She]81-claire seems nervous . “ What ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher says . “ Remember ? ”[96-fletcher] [Her]81-claire eyes widen . “ [I]81-claire ’m going out , and [you]96-fletcher ’re babysitting [Patrick]93-patrick for [me]81-claire . ”[81-claire] “ Oh , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher replies . “ Yes , [I]96-fletcher did . With [Paul]156-paul from Pilates . Sorry [I]96-fletcher ’m late . ”[96-fletcher] What ? “ That ’s [me]81-claire , ”[81-claire] a voice says from behind [us]1353-us . [We]1353-us all turn to see [some blond dude walking up [the path]1355-the path toward [the house]924-the house]1354-some blond dude walking up the path toward the house . [He]1354-some blond dude walking up the path toward the house ’s all dressed up . [I]0-i stare at [him]1354-some blond dude walking up the path toward the house as [my]0-i brain misfires . Huh ? “ Hello . ”[1354-some blond dude walking up the path toward the house] [He]1354-some blond dude walking up the path toward the house smiles . “ [I]1354-some blond dude walking up the path toward the house ’m [Paul]156-paul . ”[1354-some blond dude walking up the path toward the house] “ This is [Tristan]74-tristan , [[Fletcher]96-fletcher ’s boss]3708-fletcher ’s boss , ”[93-patrick] [Claire]93-patrick interrupts before [I]0-i get a chance to say something . “ Hello , ”[0-i] [I]0-i bark . [I]0-i shake [his]1354-some blond dude walking up the path toward the house hand and then turn to [Fletcher]96-fletcher and widen [my]0-i eyes . Are [you]96-fletcher just going to stand there ? [Fletcher]96-fletcher smirks and kisses [[his]96-fletcher mother]3642-his mother on the cheek . “ Have fun , [Mom]123-mom . ”[96-fletcher] “ Thanks , [darling]3709-darling . ”[3642-his mother] [She]3642-his mother turns to [Paul]156-paul . “ Are [you]156-paul ready ? ”[3642-his mother] “ Sure am . ”[156-paul] [Paul]156-paul puts [his]156-paul arm out , and [she]3642-his mother links it with [hers]3642-his mother . [I]0-i put [my]0-i hands on [my]0-i hips in disgust . What the actual fuck is going on here ? [She]3642-his mother ’s dating [someone else]1358-someone else ? Are [you]96-fletcher fucking kidding [me]0-i ? Do n’t cause a scene in front of [Fletcher]96-fletcher . . . do n’t cause a scene in front of fucking [Fletcher]96-fletcher . [You]96-fletcher are not dating [her]3642-his mother . . . [you]96-fletcher should n’t be pissed . [I]0-i am . [I]0-i want to cause a fucking scene . “ Wo n’t be late , [sweetie]3710-sweetie . Bye , [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[3642-his mother] [She]3642-his mother forces a nervous smile , and [I]0-i glare at [her]3642-his mother . [I]0-i watch as [they]1359-they walk out , get into [[his]96-fletcher car]809-his car , and drive away . [I]0-i turn to [Fletcher]96-fletcher . “ What are [you]96-fletcher going to do about this ? ”[0-i] “ Nothing . Why ? ”[0-i] “ Why are n’t [you]96-fletcher attacking [him]96-fletcher with underpants ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap , annoyed . “ What good are [you]96-fletcher if [you]96-fletcher ’re not going to be consistent ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i hit [his]96-fletcher chest with the backs of [my]0-i fingers . “ Consistency is key , [Fletcher]96-fletcher . If [[your]96-fletcher mother]3465-your mother is n’t allowed to date , [she]1362-she is n’t allowed to date [anyone]393-anyone . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher shrugs , uninterested . “ [You]96-fletcher coming in ? ”[96-fletcher] “ Yes , [I]0-i am , actually . ”[0-i] [I]0-i walk into [the house]924-the house , angered that [I]0-i ’ve been discriminated against so abysmally . [She]1362-she ’s on a fucking date . . . of all the nerve . [I]0-i raise [my]0-i chin in defiance . “ [I]0-i did n’t get a chance to talk to [her]1362-she yet . [I]0-i better wait for [her]1362-she to get [home]341-home . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look around [the house]924-the house . “ Where does [[your]1364-the little dark - haired boy mother]3465-your mother keep [her]3465-your mother wine ? ”[0-i] “ Hi . ”[1364-the little dark - haired boy] [The little dark - haired boy]1364-the little dark - haired boy smiles up at [me]0-i . “ [You]0-i came back . ”[1364-the little dark - haired boy] “ Yes , [I]0-i did . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk . [This kid]1040-this kid is [my]0-i favorite — cute and innocent . “ What ’s [your]1364-the little dark - haired boy name again ? ”[1364-the little dark - haired boy] [He]1364-the little dark - haired boy frowns . “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[1364-the little dark - haired boy] [I]0-i smile . “ [I]0-i remember [your]1364-the little dark - haired boy name . ”[0-i] [He]1364-the little dark - haired boy bites [his]1364-the little dark - haired boy bottom lip . “ What is it ? ”[1364-the little dark - haired boy] “ [Patrick]93-patrick . ”[1364-the little dark - haired boy] [His]1364-the little dark - haired boy eyes widen in excitement . “ It is . ”[1364-the little dark - haired boy] [He]1364-the little dark - haired boy smiles proudly . [I]0-i look around nervously . “ Where ’s [that other brother of [yours]0-i]3715-that other brother of yours ? ”[0-i] “ Who ? ”[1364-the little dark - haired boy] [He]1364-the little dark - haired boy frowns . “ [The Harry Potter one]3716-the harry potter one . ”[1364-the little dark - haired boy] “ Oh , [he]3716-the harry potter one ’s at [school camp]3717-school camp . [He]3716-the harry potter one gets back in the morning , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick replies . “ Great . ”[93-patrick] [One less crazy fucker to worry about]1366-one less crazy fucker to worry about . “ No way , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher gasps as [he]96-fletcher looks at [his]96-fletcher phone . “ What ? ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i frown . “ Oh [my]1364-the little dark - haired boy God . ”[1364-the little dark - haired boy] [He]1364-the little dark - haired boy puts [his]1364-the little dark - haired boy hand over [his]1364-the little dark - haired boy mouth . “ [Alita VanDerCamp]157-alita vandercamp just messaged [me]1364-the little dark - haired boy . ”[1364-the little dark - haired boy] “ And ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ [She]157-alita vandercamp ’s [the hottest girl in school]3718-the hottest girl in school . ”[0-i] [His]1364-the little dark - haired boy eyes are wide with disbelief . “ Hmm , okay . ”[1364-the little dark - haired boy] [I]0-i shrug as [I]0-i open a kitchen cupboard . [I]0-i need a fucking drink . “ Where are the wineglasses , and who the hell is [Paul]156-paul from Pilates ? [He]156-paul looks like a real tool . ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick smiles goofily up at [me]0-i as [he]93-patrick climbs onto a stool at the counter . “ Hey , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher says as [he]96-fletcher types . “ That ’s it ? ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i pour a glass of wine , having found what [I]0-i was looking for . “ That ’s what [you]1040-this kid ’re going to write ? [You]1040-this kid ca n’t write hey . ”[0-i] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face . [This kid]1040-this kid must be stupid . “ Why not ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Do n’t tell [me]0-i [you]1040-this kid are clueless with [women]410-women too . ”[0-i] “ Well , what would [you]0-i write ? ”[1040-this kid] [he]1040-this kid asks . “ [I]1040-this kid would n’t text [a girl]3263-a girl back unless [I]1040-this kid had a plan . ”[1040-this kid] “ A plan . ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher frowns . “ What the hell does that mean ? ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i swear , [I]0-i need to drink out of the bottle in [this house]1046-this house . Do [they]1369-they have any tequila ? “ If [a girl]3263-a girl texts [you]1040-this kid , [she]3263-a girl ’s looking for more than a fucking hey . ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick ’s mouth drops open . Oh shit . [I]0-i point at [him]1040-this kid . “ [I]0-i swear sometimes . Do n’t tell [[your]1040-this kid mother]3465-your mother . ”[0-i] “ Okay . ”[1040-this kid] [He]1040-this kid shrugs . “ [Harry]141-harry swears too . ”[1040-this kid] Hmm , [I]0-i bet [he]1040-this kid does . “ So ? ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher frowns in fascination . “ Like . . . what kind of plan ? ”[96-fletcher] “ Like , do [you]1040-this kid want to get something to eat , do [you]1040-this kid want to go to the movies . . . something like that . Strike while the iron ’s hot . If [she]3263-a girl texted [you]1040-this kid first , [she]3263-a girl ’s into [you]1040-this kid . Move fast , before [she]3263-a girl changes [her]3263-a girl mind . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i wine . “ [Girls]3167-girls are changeable , [man]3512-man . One day [they]3167-girls like [you]1040-this kid ; the next day [they]3167-girls do n’t . ”[0-i] “ Oh . ”[1040-this kid] [His]1040-this kid face falls . “ So [I]1040-this kid ’ll call [her]3263-a girl tomorrow , then ? ”[1040-this kid] “ No , are n’t [you]1040-this kid listening ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Call [her]3263-a girl now . ”[0-i] “ But [I]1040-this kid ca n’t do anything tonight . ”[1040-this kid] “ Why not ? ”[1040-this kid] “ Because [I]0-i ’m minding [Patrick]93-patrick . ”[0-i] “ On the off chance [she]3263-a girl says yes , [I]0-i ’ll stay with [him]93-patrick . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pour the wine so fast into [my]0-i glass that it sloshes over the sides . [Fletcher]96-fletcher looks between [Patrick]93-patrick and [me]0-i . “ [I]96-fletcher ’m waiting here for [[your]93-patrick mother]3465-your mother anyway . [I]96-fletcher do n’t mind . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i give [Patrick]93-patrick a playful soft punch in the arm . [He]93-patrick smiles and punches [me]0-i back as hard as [he]93-patrick can in the thigh . It nearly knocks [me]0-i over , and [I]0-i double over in pain . Ahh , fuck ’s sake . . . dead leg . “ Ow , ease up . ”[1006-these kids] [These kids]1006-these kids are so violent . “ [You]0-i got a good hook on [you]0-i , [kid]1004-kid . ”[1006-these kids] “ [I]93-patrick know ; [I]93-patrick made [Harry]141-harry cry the other day , ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick announces proudly . “ [I]93-patrick pulled [his]93-patrick hair and punched [him]93-patrick in the neck . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i smirk . This one is definitely [my]0-i favorite . “ Hmm , not sure if that ’s okay , but . . . well done . ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher begins to pace . “ So . . . [I]96-fletcher say hi . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher waves [his]96-fletcher hands around in the air as [he]96-fletcher thinks . “ And then . . . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher turns back to [me]0-i . “ What do [I]96-fletcher say then ? ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i wine . “ Hello , [my]0-i name is [Fletcher]96-fletcher , and [I]0-i do n’t know where [I]0-i keep [my]0-i balls , so call [someone else]1358-someone else , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter dryly . [Fletcher]96-fletcher throws [his]96-fletcher phone onto the bench . “ [I]96-fletcher ca n’t do it . [I]96-fletcher ’m not calling [her]1358-someone else . ”[96-fletcher] “ Call [her]1358-someone else . ”[0-i] “ No . [I]96-fletcher do n’t know what to say . ”[96-fletcher] “ Call [her]1358-someone else , ”[0-i] [I]0-i demand as [I]0-i point to [his]96-fletcher phone with [my]0-i wineglass . “ [I]0-i ca n’t . ”[0-i] “ Yes , [you]96-fletcher can . ”[0-i] [I]0-i grab [Patrick]93-patrick ’s shoulder and lead [him]93-patrick into [the living room]1371-the living room . “ [We]3728-we ’re going out here . Do it now . ”[0-i] “ What if [she]1358-someone else says no ? ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick stammers in a panic . “ Who cares ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ [The world]259-the world is full of [hot girls]3730-hot girls , [Fletcher]96-fletcher . ”[0-i] “ Not as hot as [her]1358-someone else . ”[0-i] “ So why are [you]96-fletcher wasting time talking crap to [us]3728-we , then ? ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher ’s eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ Okay , [I]96-fletcher ’m going to do it . ”[96-fletcher] “ Good . ”[0-i] “ [I]96-fletcher ’m going to call [her]1358-someone else right now . ”[96-fletcher] “ Less talking , more action , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . “ Okay . ”[0-i] [He]96-fletcher begins to pace again , and [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . [Heaven]158-heaven help [him]96-fletcher if [he]96-fletcher actually gets the chance to do the deed . . . [he]96-fletcher ’s as green as a fucking tree . Hell , [I]0-i was fucking [twenty - five - year - olds at [his]96-fletcher age]1372-twenty - five - year - olds at his age . What in [the world]259-the world has [this kid]1040-this kid been doing all this time ? [I]0-i sit on the couch next to [Patrick]93-patrick . “ Do [you]0-i want to watch a movie while [we]3731-we wait for pizza ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher asks . “ There ’s pizza coming ? ”[96-fletcher] “ Uh - huh . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher smiles and picks up the remote and begins to flick through the movies . [I]0-i glance at [my]0-i watch . “ What time did [[your]96-fletcher mother]3465-your mother say [she]3465-your mother was coming [home]341-home ? ”[0-i] “ [She]3465-your mother ’s just having dinner . Not late . ”[0-i] “ Has [she]3465-your mother been out with [Paul]156-paul from Pilates before ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Yes , but [she]3465-your mother has to hide from [Harry]141-harry . [She]3465-your mother can only go out when [he]1375-that evil fucker ’s not [home]341-home , because [he]1375-that evil fucker ’s very rude and embarrassing . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i wine as [I]0-i act uninterested . [That evil fucker]1375-that evil fucker is good for something after all . Who knew ? This is n’t [their]1376-their first date ? What the fuck ? How long has [she]1377-she been seeing [him]1375-that evil fucker ? [I]0-i begin to see red . [Fletcher]96-fletcher comes rushing back into [the room]370-the room . “ [She]1377-she said yes . ”[96-fletcher] “ [She]1377-she did ? ”[1377-she] “ [We]1376-their ’re going to get food . ”[96-fletcher] “ [You]96-fletcher are ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ’m as shocked as [he]96-fletcher is . “ Great . ”[96-fletcher] [His]96-fletcher eyes widen in fear . “ What will [I]96-fletcher wear ? ”[96-fletcher] “ Oh Jesus . ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes , and [Patrick]93-patrick slaps [his]93-patrick forehead . “ Just wear something nice . And have a shower . [Girls]3167-girls like [dudes who smell nice . ”]3736-dudes who smell nice . ”[93-patrick] [Fletcher]96-fletcher stares at [me]0-i , as if [I]0-i am [an alien]1379-an alien . “ Since when ? ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face in disgust . “ What does [[your]96-fletcher mother]3465-your mother actually teach [you]96-fletcher about [girls]3167-girls ? ”[0-i] “ Nothing . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher widens [his]96-fletcher eyes . “ [She]3465-your mother thinks [I]96-fletcher ’m too young to date . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i tip [my]0-i head back to the sky in disgust . “ And anyway , how come [you]96-fletcher did n’t attack [Paul]156-paul from [Pilates]156-paul ? Why is [she]3465-your mother allowed to go out with [him]156-paul ? ”[0-i] “ Oh . ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher shrugs . “ [He]156-paul ’s gay . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i narrow [my]0-i eyes in delight . “ Oh , [he]156-paul is . . . is [he]156-paul ? ”[0-i] “ Well , [I]96-fletcher do n’t actually know that for sure . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher shrugs casually . “ But [he]156-paul is n’t [Mom]123-mom ’s type , so . . . ”[96-fletcher] “ Why is n’t [he]156-paul [[your]0-i mother]3465-your mother ’s type ? ”[0-i] “ Because [she]3465-your mother does Pilates with [him]156-paul . [Nobody]3093-nobody does Pilates with [a guy [they]3093-nobody like]3741-a guy they like . . . do [they]3093-nobody ? And besides , [he]156-paul wears a pink sweatband around [his]156-paul head . [He]156-paul ’s odd . Weird , even . ”[0-i] “ Hmm . ”[0-i] [I]0-i think on this as [I]0-i tap [my]0-i chin . “ That ’s a very good point , [Fletcher]96-fletcher . [Nobody]3093-nobody does date [a guy who wears a pink sweatband around [their]3093-nobody head at Pilates]3743-a guy who wears a pink sweatband around their head at pilates , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , thinking out loud . “ Precisely . ”[0-i] [Fletcher]96-fletcher turns to go take a shower . “ Oh . . . and , [Fletch]145-fletch ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i call after [him]96-fletcher . “ Yeah . ”[0-i] “ Spank the pony in the shower . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher sticks [his]96-fletcher head back around the corner . “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod . “ Do that . . . [you]96-fletcher know , the thing . ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher frowns . “ What for ? ”[96-fletcher] “ Do [you]96-fletcher want [the whole restaurant]3744-the whole restaurant to know how happy [you]96-fletcher are ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i widen [my]0-i eyes and look at [his]96-fletcher crotch . “ [You]96-fletcher want to appear as least . . . excitable . . . as possible . ”[0-i] [He]96-fletcher frowns in horror . “ This is a thing ? ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick frowns . “ Wait , what ? There ’s a pony in the shower ? ”[93-patrick] “ It ’s a song , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter , distracted . “ This is the thing , [Fletch]145-fletch . [Nobody]3093-nobody goes on a date without listening to ‘ Spanking the Pony ’ before [they]3093-nobody go . [Everybody]3458-everybody knows that . It ’s the dating rule number one . ”[0-i] Except [me]0-i , of course , the first time with [Claire]93-patrick . . . damn it . [I]0-i got sloppy and did n’t even remember the basic rules . “ Are [you]145-fletch serious right now ? ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher frowns . [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Trust [me]0-i on this one . ”[0-i] [He]96-fletcher shakes [his]96-fletcher head and mutters to [himself]96-fletcher as [he]96-fletcher walks up [the stairs]290-the stairs . [I]0-i turn to [Patrick]93-patrick . “ What do [you]93-patrick want to watch ? ”[0-i] “ Godzilla ? ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick asks . “ Yeah , that ’s a good one . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i nestle back into the couch . “ [I]0-i hope the pizza hurries up . [I]0-i ’m starving . ”[0-i] [Patrick]93-patrick smiles up at [me]0-i like this is the best night of [his]93-patrick life . “ [Me]93-patrick too . ”[93-patrick] Where the fuck is [she]1381-she ? [I]0-i get a vision of [her]1381-she laughing at dinner with [him]93-patrick , and [my]0-i blood boils . Finally [I]0-i hear [the car]371-the car pull up , and [I]0-i glance at [my]0-i watch : 10:45 p.m. What time do [you]1383-you call this ? [I]0-i slide out from underneath [Patrick]93-patrick ’s legs as [he]93-patrick sleeps , and [I]0-i walk over to the window and peer through the side of the drapes . [They]1384-they ’re talking in [the car]371-the car . If [you]1383-you kiss [him]93-patrick , [you]1383-you ’re in deep shit , [woman]3081-woman . [He]93-patrick ’s leaning [his]93-patrick arm on the steering wheel and looking over at [her]1381-she while [they]1384-they chat . [He]93-patrick ’s not gay . No way in hell would [he]93-patrick be looking at [her]1381-she like that if [he]93-patrick were gay . [Damn [Fletcher]96-fletcher ’s gaydar]1387-damn fletcher ’s gaydar is off , way off . Get the fuck out of [[his]93-patrick car]809-his car , [Claire]93-patrick . Right . Now . Do n’t fucking push [me]0-i . [She]1381-she climbs out of [the car]371-the car and closes the door . . . no kiss . [I]0-i dive back onto the couch and put a sleeping [Patrick]93-patrick ’s legs back over [mine]0-i . Moments later , the door opens , and [Claire]93-patrick walks in and around the corner . Then [her]1381-she face falls when [she]1381-she sees [me]0-i . “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[1381-she] [My]0-i anger is bubbling dangerously close to the surface , and [I]0-i glare at [her]1381-she , unable to hide it . [She]1381-she looks down at [Patrick]93-patrick sprawled all over [me]0-i , asleep . “ What are [you]0-i doing here ? ”[1381-she] [She]1381-she seems pissed . Well , [she]1381-she ’s got nothing on [me]0-i . [I]0-i ’m fucking fuming . “ [I]0-i babysat for [you]1381-she tonight . [I]0-i believe [you]1381-she owe [me]0-i a thank - you , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say through gritted teeth . “ What ? ”[1381-she] [she]1381-she snaps . “ [Fletcher]96-fletcher had to go out . ”[1381-she] “ To where ? ”[1381-she] “ [That VanDerCamp girl that [he]96-fletcher likes]3747-that vandercamp girl that he likes texted [him]96-fletcher , and [I]1381-she said [I]1381-she would stay with [Patrick]93-patrick . [Fletcher]96-fletcher is [home]341-home now , though , asleep in bed . [He]96-fletcher was n’t gone for long at all . [I]1381-she ’m assuming the date did n’t go well . ”[1381-she] “ Are [you]0-i kidding [me]1381-she ? [He]96-fletcher left [you]0-i here alone with [Patrick]93-patrick ? ”[1381-she] [she]1381-she whispers angrily . “ Oh , [Fletcher]96-fletcher is in so much trouble [you]0-i would n’t believe . ”[1381-she] “ [I]0-i told [him]96-fletcher to go , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ [I]0-i do n’t mind . Do [you]1381-she mind telling [me]0-i who [the fuck Pilates Paul]156-paul is ? ”[0-i] “ None of [your]0-i business . ”[1381-she] [She]1381-she gestures to the door . “ Now . . . good night . ”[1381-she] “ Well , that ’s not a very nice way to treat [[your]0-i babysitter]3749-your babysitter , is it ? ”[1381-she] [Her]1381-she mouth falls open . “ [You]0-i are not [[my]1381-she babysitter]3750-my babysitter , ”[1381-she] [she]1381-she whispers . “ [You]0-i ’re a pain in [my]1381-she ass . ”[1381-she] “ [Me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i scoff as [I]0-i point to [my]0-i chest . “ What did [I]0-i do ? ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i annoy [me]1381-she , ”[1381-she] [she]1381-she snaps as [she]1381-she storms into [the kitchen]928-the kitchen . [I]0-i carefully move [Patrick]93-patrick and then jump up and follow [her]1381-she . “ And why do [I]0-i annoy [you]1381-she ? ”[0-i] “ Go back to [your]0-i carefree dates , [Tristan]74-tristan . Stay the hell away from [[my]1381-she kids]617-my kids . ”[1381-she] Oh . . . this is about [me]0-i dating [other women]1391-other women . [She]1381-she opens the refrigerator with force and then pulls out the nearly empty wine bottle and holds it up . [Her]1381-she eyes flicker with rage . “ It was nice . . . actually . Went with the pizza and all that . ”[1381-she] [She]1381-she looks at [me]0-i deadpan . “ [You]0-i drank [my]1381-she wine ? ”[1381-she] “ Do n’t change the subject . Why does [me]1381-she dating [other women]1391-other women annoy [you]0-i ? ”[1381-she] “ It does n’t , ”[1381-she] [she]1381-she snaps angrily . “ [I]1381-she do n’t have time for [your]0-i shit tonight . Go [home]341-home . ”[1381-she] [I]0-i put [my]0-i hands onto [my]0-i hips . “ [I]0-i ca n’t drive . [I]0-i ’ve been drinking . ”[0-i] “ [My]1381-she wine , ”[1381-she] [she]1381-she growls . [I]0-i cross [my]0-i arms and look [her]1381-she up and down with a smile . “ [You]1381-she ’re in a very bad mood . Am [I]0-i right in assuming [Paul]156-paul from [Pilates]156-paul is responsible ? ”[0-i] “ No , [you]1381-she ’re not , actually . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is responsible . ”[1381-she] [She]1381-she storms out of [the room]370-the room . [My]0-i mouth falls open . Of all the nerve . [I]0-i rush in behind [her]1381-she . [She]1381-she goes to [Patrick]93-patrick on the couch . [She]1381-she bends to pick [him]93-patrick up in [her]1381-she arms . “ [I]1381-she ’ll do it . ”[1381-she] “ No . ”[1381-she] [She]1381-she slaps [me]0-i out of the way . “ [I]1381-she do n’t want [you]0-i anywhere near [[my]1381-she devil children]3754-my devil children . ”[1381-she] “ Oh . ”[1381-she] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes as [she]1381-she struggles to pick [Patrick]93-patrick up . “ This is about what [I]1381-she said about [the wizard]3629-the wizard . ”[1381-she] “ [His]3629-the wizard name is [Harry]141-harry , and yes , [I]1381-she do take offense to [some pompous , spoiled asshole]3756-some pompous , spoiled asshole telling [me]1381-she that [[my]1381-she children]602-my children are misbehaved when [he]3629-the wizard knows nothing about what [they]602-my children have been through , ”[1381-she] [she]1381-she whispers angrily . “ Get out of [my]1381-she way , ”[1381-she] [she]1381-she says as [she]1381-she struggles with [Patrick]93-patrick ’s weight . [I]0-i step to the side . “ [You]1381-she ’re especially bitchy tonight . ”[0-i] [She]1381-she brushes past [me]0-i and walks [upstairs]3043-upstairs , and [I]0-i follow [her]1381-she . “ What are [you]0-i doing ? ”[1381-she] [she]1381-she whispers . “ Following [you]0-i . What does it look like ? ”[1381-she] “ [I]1381-she swear to [God]97-god , [Tristan]74-tristan , [I]1381-she ’m going to push [you]74-tristan down [the stairs]290-the stairs in a moment . Go [home]341-home . ”[1381-she] “ [I]1381-she see where [they]3760-they get it , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[1381-she] [She]1381-she turns back to [me]0-i . “ Get what ? ”[1381-she] “ This violent streak [you]0-i have is very unbecoming . ”[1381-she] [She]1381-she stops where [she]1381-she is and walks back down a step toward [me]0-i , and [I]0-i shrink back from [her]1381-she . “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[1381-she] “ Yes , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[1381-she] “ Shut [your]0-i mouth . ”[1381-she] “ Or what ? ”[1381-she] “ Or [I]1381-she ’m going to shut it for [you]0-i . ”[1381-she] “ Violent , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mouth as [I]0-i follow [her]1381-she [upstairs]3043-upstairs and watch from the doorway as [she]1381-she lays [Patrick]93-patrick down in bed and takes [his]93-patrick shoes off . [She]1381-she brushes [his]93-patrick hair back from [his]93-patrick forehead and kisses [him]93-patrick good night . [She]1381-she then turns the light off , and [we]1395-we walk back out into [the hallway]3666-the hallway . “ Where ’s [[your]1381-she bedroom]3761-your bedroom ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [A place that [you]0-i ’ll never get to . Go [downstairs]3119-downstairs]3762-a place that you ’ll never get to . go downstairs . ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ [I]0-i do n’t want to go [there]3088-there anyway , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[0-i] [Her]1381-she eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ Good . ”[1381-she] “ Yes , good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i blurt back . “ [We]1395-we ’re over , remember ? ”[0-i] “ Exactly , so why bother coming [here]3039-here ? ”[1395-we] [We]1395-we stare at [each other]286-each other , and that feeling comes over [me]0-i , the one where [I]0-i want to push [her]1381-she up against the wall and kiss [her]1381-she senseless . [Her]1381-she eyes drop to [my]0-i lips , and [I]0-i know [she]1381-she can feel it too . “ Well , where am [I]0-i going to sleep ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]0-i ca n’t drive . ”[0-i] “ Call [[your]0-i limo driver]3766-your limo driver . ”[1381-she] “ [He]3766-your limo driver ’s off tonight . ”[1381-she] “ Why not call an Uber ? ”[0-i] “ [They]3767-they ran out of [cars]3768-cars . ”[1381-she] [She]1381-she narrows [her]1381-she eyes . “ [I]1381-she know what [you]0-i ’re doing . ”[1381-she] “ What ’s that ? ”[0-i] “ Do n’t play dumb with [me]1381-she , [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[1381-she] [She]1381-she brushes past [me]0-i and rushes back down the stairs as [I]0-i stay hot on [her]1381-she heels . “ So where will [I]0-i sleep ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . With [you]1381-she ? “ [I]0-i suppose [you]1381-she can have [Woofy]135-woofy ’s bed , and [he]135-woofy can sleep with [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [My]0-i face falls in horror . “ [You]1381-she would rather sleep with the dog than with [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ [I]1381-she would , actually . ”[1381-she] “ What happened to the fun , hot Claire who fucks [me]1381-she senseless ? ”[1381-she] [Her]1381-she eyes meet [mine]0-i , and the look on [her]1381-she face is murderous . “ [She]1381-she woke up to [herself]1381-she , ”[1381-she] [she]1381-she whispers . “ When [she]1381-she realized what a fucktard [you]0-i are . ”[1381-she] [My]0-i mouth drops open as [I]0-i feign shock . [She]1381-she walks forward toward [me]0-i , and [I]0-i walk backward . “ [You]0-i barge into [[my]1381-she home]3769-my home , uninvited , and then drink [my]1381-she fucking wine . Not to mention — ”[1381-she] [She]1381-she cuts [herself]1381-she off . [I]0-i shrug as [I]0-i nearly trip over the couch behind [me]0-i . “ Well . . . apart from those things . ”[0-i] “ Go [home]341-home , [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[1381-she] “ Is this about [me]1381-she going out with [that other woman]3771-that other woman ? ”[1381-she] “ [I]0-i do n’t care who [you]1381-she date . ”[0-i] “ Is that a lie , [Claire]93-patrick ? Because [you]1381-she seem to care . ”[1381-she] “ Go [home]341-home , ”[1381-she] [she]1381-she snaps . “ [I]1381-she ca n’t . [I]1381-she ’m over the limit . ”[1381-she] “ Fine , [you]1381-she ’re on the couch . ”[1381-she] “ Can [we]3773-we talk about this ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ No . ”[0-i] [She]1381-she goes to a cupboard and retrieves a blanket and pillow and throws them at [me]0-i with force . [I]0-i catch them midair . “ [You]1381-she ’re not very hospitable , [Claire]93-patrick , ”[0-i] [I]0-i huff . “ [You]1381-she really should work on this . ”[1381-she] [She]1381-she rolls [her]1381-she eyes and goes to the stairs . “ [I]1381-she hope [Muff]138-muff pees on [your]0-i head . ”[1381-she] [She]1381-she stomps up [the stairs]290-the stairs . [My]0-i face falls as [I]0-i process [her]1381-she words . “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i look around and catch sight of the mangy cat sitting on the couch . [We]1399-we lock eyes . “ Is that a possibility ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . Silence . “ [Claire]93-patrick ? ”[0-i] Silence . “ [I]0-i ’m allergic to cats , [Claire]93-patrick . [I]0-i need to sleep with [you]93-patrick , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . “ In [your]93-patrick bed . ”[0-i] [Her]1381-she bedroom door slams . [I]0-i scratch [my]0-i head as [I]0-i stare at the cat . [He]1381-she stares back . [I]0-i point at [him]1381-she . “ [You]1381-she come near [me]0-i while [I]0-i sleep , [Muff Cat]138-muff , [I]0-i ’m putting [you]1381-she outside , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [You]1381-she ’ll be bear food . ”[0-i] [I]0-i spread [my]0-i blankets out on the couch and put the pillow down . Damn this . [I]0-i want to go [home]341-home , but [I]0-i want to speak to [Claire]93-patrick in the morning more . [I]0-i climb in and wriggle around as [I]0-i try to get comfortable . Fuck , [this couch]1401-this couch is made of concrete . Two hours later Tick , tick , tick , tick , tick , tick . “ What the hell ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i glare at the clock on the wall . What kind of sick fuck has a clock that ticks this loud ? No wonder [everyone]382-everyone ’s crazy around here . Tick , tick , tick , tick , tick , tick . [I]0-i ca n’t take it anymore . . . [I]0-i ’m at a breaking point . “ That ’s it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i throw the blankets off and sit up in a rush . [I]0-i stand on the couch and take the clock off the wall . “ [You]0-i ’re going in the trash , [motherfucker]3331-motherfucker . ”[0-i] [I]0-i storm out to [the kitchen]928-the kitchen , clock under [my]0-i arm , and look around in the dark . “ [I]0-i ca n’t see shit . ”[0-i] [I]0-i flick on the light and walk over to the back door and open it in a rush . It ’s pitch black and eerily quiet . [I]0-i peer out . “ Where ’s the trash can ? ”[0-i] Hmm . [I]0-i hear a noise and then a bang , and [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i look out into [the backyard]1404-the backyard . “ Who ’s there ? ”[0-i] Silence . Shit . . . this is fucking creepy . [I]0-i close the door and go back into [the house]924-the house . [I]0-i ’m not risking [my]0-i life for a ticking time bomb — no chance . Tick , tick , tick , tick , tick . Although . . . “ Shut up , shut up , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i shake it . [I]0-i stare down at the stupid clock as it taunts [me]0-i . [I]0-i imagine [myself]0-i throwing it hard against the wall and it smashing into a thousand pieces . Tick , tick , tick , tick . That ’s it . [I]0-i ca n’t take it anymore . [I]0-i look around [the kitchen]928-the kitchen for somewhere quiet , somewhere that will shut this thing up , and [I]0-i see the perfect plan . Diabolical . [I]0-i open the freezer and stuff the clock in there and slam the door . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i dust [my]0-i hands together . “ That ’s taken care of [you]1408-her . ”[0-i] [I]0-i walk out into [the living room]1371-the living room and stand at the bottom of the stairs . [I]0-i wonder what [she]1408-her would do if [I]0-i just sneaked up there for a little bit of spooning . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i imagine [myself]0-i slipping into [her]1408-her bed . [I]0-i ’m missing [her]1408-her . [I]0-i come back to earth with a thud , and [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . [I]0-i know that ’s not going to happen . [I]0-i lie back down on the couch and nestle in as [I]0-i try to get comfortable . One hour later “ Meow . ”[0-i] [I]0-i scrunch [my]0-i eyes shut . . . no , make it stop . Purr . . . purr . . . purr . “ [Meow]3775-meow . ”[0-i] [I]0-i try to block it out . “ [Meow]3775-meow . ”[0-i] Oh hell , a night in [this godforsaken place]1048-this godforsaken place is worse than being on [Survivor]159-survivor . “ Meeeooowww . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper angrily as [I]0-i sit up in a rush . “ What the fuck do [you]1410-you want , [Muff Cat]138-muff ? ”[0-i] Purr , purr , purr . The cat jumps on top of [me]0-i , and [I]0-i wince . [It]1410-you crawls onto [my]0-i lap and sits there . “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . The cat looks up at [me]0-i . “ There are n’t a thousand other places to sit in [this house]1046-this house ? [You]1410-you have to fucking sit on [me]1410-you ? ”[1410-you] “ Meow . ”[0-i] “ Shut the fuck up . ”[0-i] [I]0-i push it off [me]0-i and lie back down and turn [my]0-i back to it . “ Meow . ”[0-i] [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes tight , and [I]0-i feel something hitting [my]0-i face . [I]0-i open [my]0-i eyes to see the cat tapping [me]0-i with its paw . “ Are [you]3629-the wizard serious ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Fuck off , [Muff Cat]138-muff . ”[0-i] “ Meow . ”[0-i] Oh hell , [the wizard]3629-the wizard is probably sleeping pretty at [camp]1412-camp . [My]0-i eyes snap open as [I]0-i have a realization . [His]3629-the wizard bed is empty . Yes , [I]0-i ’ll sneak up there and sleep in [his]3629-the wizard bed . Great idea . [I]0-i gather [my]0-i blankets and pillows and make [my]0-i way [upstairs]3043-upstairs and creep down [the hall]1414-the hall with the flashlight on [my]0-i phone . Must be [this room]1415-this room , the only one with the door open . [I]0-i shine [my]0-i torch in , and an empty single bed comes into view . Perfect . [I]0-i close the door and climb into bed . It ’s comfortable and warm . [I]0-i find [myself]0-i instantly relaxing and slowly drifting off to sleep . [I]0-i hear a scratch at the door . “ [Meow]160-meow . ”[0-i] [I]0-i put [my]0-i pillow over [my]0-i head . “ Shut . Up . ”[0-i] This is unbearable . [I]0-i roll over and inhale deeply . Finally [I]0-i ’m relaxed . Sleep is a wonderful thing . It ’s morning , but [I]0-i do n’t care . [I]0-i ’m too exhausted . [I]0-i think [I]0-i got two hours at the most . [I]0-i snuggle back in , and [I]0-i get a strange feeling that [someone]3143-someone ’s watching [me]0-i . [I]0-i open one eye . [The wizard]3629-the wizard is standing over [me]0-i ; the look on [his]3629-the wizard face is murderous . “ What the hell are [you]0-i doing in [my]3629-the wizard bed ? ”[3629-the wizard] [he]3629-the wizard growls . Chapter 14 [I]0-i sit up with a start and flinch . “ What are [you]3629-the wizard doing [here]3039-here ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ This is [[my]3629-the wizard room]3158-my room , ”[3629-the wizard] [he]3629-the wizard barks . [I]0-i lie back down and pull the blankets over [myself]0-i . “ Well , [I]0-i ’m sleeping here . Get out . ”[0-i] “ Why , [you]3629-the wizard — ”[3629-the wizard] [I]0-i sit up like the devil [himself]3629-the wizard . “ Listen , [kid]1004-kid , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper through gritted teeth . “ [I]0-i ’ve had a really bad fucking night , and if [I]0-i get up now , [I]0-i ’m probably chucking [you]1004-kid out the window . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]0-i going to make [me]3629-the wizard cry ? ”[3629-the wizard] [he]3629-the wizard whispers in a baby voice . “ [Mommy]148-mommy does n’t like [big scary men]3780-big scary men picking on [me]3629-the wizard . ”[3629-the wizard] [I]0-i narrow [my]0-i eyes . Why , [you]3629-the wizard conniving little shit . “ [You]1004-kid cry to [[your]1004-kid mother]3465-your mother , and see what happens to [you]1004-kid , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper angrily . “ Do n’t push [me]0-i , [kid]1004-kid . ”[0-i] “ Do n’t push [me]3629-the wizard , ”[3629-the wizard] [he]3629-the wizard growls . “ Get out , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ This is [[my]0-i room]3158-my room . [You]3629-the wizard get out . ”[0-i] [I]0-i glare at [him]3629-the wizard . “ [I]0-i ’m not moving . ”[0-i] [Our]1418-our eyes are locked , and then , as if having an epiphany , [he]3629-the wizard smiles darkly , turns , and storms out . [I]0-i lie back down and stare at the ceiling for a moment . . . what was that evil smile for ? What is [he]3629-the wizard up to ? [Claire]93-patrick . [I]0-i sit up in a rush and nearly run down [the hall]1414-the hall to [[her]1420-her room]1421-her room . The door is shut , and [I]0-i put [my]0-i ear to it and listen . Is [he]3629-the wizard in [there]3088-there ? [I]0-i swear , if [he]3629-the wizard tells on [me]0-i . . . [he]3629-the wizard ’s dead meat . [I]0-i ca n’t hear anything . [I]0-i look left , and [I]0-i look right . [Nobody]3093-nobody ’s around . [I]0-i slowly open the door , and [I]0-i find [Claire]93-patrick fast asleep . [I]0-i slip in and close the door behind [me]0-i and flick the lock . [I]0-i creep toward the bed . [Claire]93-patrick is sleeping on [her]1424-her back , [her]1424-her hands above [her]1424-her head . [I]0-i find [myself]0-i smiling as [I]0-i watch [her]1424-her . [She]1424-her ’s like [an angel]1425-an angel . [She]1424-her ’s so beautiful . [I]0-i look around [the room]370-the room . [Her]1424-her presence is so strong in here . [God]97-god . . . [I]0-i just want to take [her]1424-her in [my]0-i arms and kiss [her]1424-her . But [I]0-i ca n’t . . . can [I]0-i ? [I]0-i raise an eyebrow as [I]0-i watch [her]1424-her . Maybe ? [I]0-i slink into [her]1424-her bed and lie on [my]0-i side , facing [her]1424-her . [I]0-i watch how [her]1424-her lips part as [she]1424-her inhales . [Her]1424-her dark hair is messed up , and [her]1424-her eyelashes flutter . [My]0-i eyes drop lower , down over [her]1424-her neck , [her]1424-her perfect décolletage . . . down lower to [her]1424-her floral nightdress and the tiny patch of white skin that disappears beneath it . [I]0-i ’ve never known [a woman]417-a woman as beautiful as [she]1424-her is . [She]1424-her ’s perfect — everything about [her]1424-her is perfect . [Her]1424-her eyes flutter open , and [she]1424-her frowns at [me]0-i , as if trying to focus . “ Hey , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [I]0-i pick up [her]1424-her hand , and [I]0-i kiss [her]1424-her fingertips . [She]1424-her watches [me]0-i in some kind of dazed state . “ How did [you]0-i sleep ? ”[1424-her] “ [Tris]74-tristan . ”[1424-her] [She]1424-her frowns . [I]0-i smile . [She]1424-her ’s back ; [[my]0-i soft girl]1428-my soft girl is back . “ Yes , [baby]3208-baby , [I]1424-her ’m here . ”[1424-her] [I]0-i lean closer to [her]1424-her . [I]0-i hear a bang , bang , bang on the door . “ What are [you]1424-her doing in there ? ”[3629-the wizard] [the wizard]3629-the wizard screams through the door . [She]1424-her jerks back from [me]0-i and seemingly comes to [her]1424-her senses . “ Oh my God . ”[1424-her] [She]1424-her looks around with wide eyes . “ What are [you]1424-her doing ? ”[1424-her] [she]1424-her stammers . “ What am [I]1424-her doing ? ”[1424-her] [I]0-i snap . “ Should n’t [you]1424-her be asking what the fuck [he]3629-the wizard is doing ? ”[0-i] Bang , bang , bang sounds on the door as [he]3629-the wizard pounds it with [his]3629-the wizard fist . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[1424-her] [she]1424-her whispers . “ [I]1424-her nearly died last night , [Claire]93-patrick , between the cement couch , the clock , the cat , and now [the fucking crazy nut outside]3785-the fucking crazy nut outside . ”[1424-her] [She]1424-her jumps out of bed . “ But it was all worth it . . . just to see [you]1424-her wake up , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . [She]1424-her stops . [Her]1424-her eyes meet [mine]0-i , and [I]0-i smile softly . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[1424-her] [she]1424-her whispers . “ What are [you]74-tristan doing [here]3039-here ? ”[1424-her] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head , lost for words because [I]0-i do n’t even know . “ [We]3787-we need to talk . ”[0-i] “ [I]3629-the wizard ’m going to rip [you]74-tristan apart with [my]3629-the wizard bare hands , ”[3629-the wizard] [the wizard]3629-the wizard yells . Oh [my]0-i God . . . [this kid]1040-this kid is cramping [my]0-i style . “ [You]74-tristan have to go , ”[1424-her] [she]1424-her whispers . “ This is not the time , [Tris]74-tristan . ”[1424-her] Bang , bang , bang echoes through the solid door . For fuck ’s sake . “ That ’s it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i get up and storm to the door and open it in a rush . [He]1040-this kid falls in because [he]1040-this kid was leaning on it . “ What are [you]1040-this kid doing , [you]1040-this kid psychopath ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i bark . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [Claire]93-patrick warns [me]0-i . “ What are [you]74-tristan doing in here ? ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry yells . “ Getting [my]141-harry keys . ”[141-harry] [I]0-i look around . “ Nope , ca n’t find them . Not in here . ”[0-i] [I]0-i march out and down [the stairs]290-the stairs , away from [Claire]93-patrick . [That kid]3471-that kid is [a fucking cockblock]1434-a fucking cockblock . [I]0-i go down and snatch the overnight bag [I]0-i ’d brought in from [[my]0-i car]316-my car and walk toward [the bathroom]584-the bathroom . [The wizard]3629-the wizard steps in [my]0-i way . “ [I]3629-the wizard ’m warning [you]0-i , ”[3629-the wizard] [he]3629-the wizard sneers , “ stay away from [[my]3629-the wizard mother]762-my mother . ”[3629-the wizard] [I]0-i glare at [the self - righteous little shit in front of [me]0-i]1438-the self - righteous little shit in front of me . “ [I]0-i ’ve got two words for [you]3629-the wizard . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hold up two fingers . “ What are they ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i lean in real close . “ Boarding . School . ”[0-i] [He]3629-the wizard narrows [his]3629-the wizard eyes . “ [You]3629-the wizard ’re going down , [pretty boy]3469-pretty boy . ”[3629-the wizard] [I]0-i grit [my]0-i teeth . “ Bring it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i storm into [the bathroom]584-the bathroom . [I]0-i have no idea how to handle this little shit . [I]0-i ’m going to have to try to talk to [Claire]93-patrick when [I]0-i can get [her]1440-her on [her]1440-her own . There ’s no point staying here with [him]3629-the wizard carrying on like this . If [I]0-i lose [my]0-i shit with [him]3629-the wizard , that ’s it — [I]0-i can kiss [her]1440-her goodbye for good . Although , kissing [Claire]93-patrick and [[her]1440-her house of horrors]1441-her house of horrors goodbye would be the much smarter option right now . What the fuck am [I]0-i even doing [here]3039-here ? [I]0-i clench [my]0-i hands together as [I]0-i imagine [myself]0-i wringing [the little fucker]1443-the little fucker ’s neck . Finally [I]0-i throw on some clothes and walk back out to find [Claire]93-patrick in [her]1440-her dressing gown . [She]1440-her has the kettle boiling and is standing in [the kitchen]928-the kitchen . Calmness sweeps over [me]0-i , and [I]0-i smile . “ What are [you]1440-her doing today ? ”[1440-her] [I]0-i ask [her]1440-her . “ Mom stuff , ”[3629-the wizard] [the wizard]3629-the wizard snaps from behind [me]0-i . “ That ’s enough , [Harrison]141-harry , ”[93-patrick] [Claire]93-patrick snaps back . Fuck this . “ [I]0-i ’m going to get going . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . [This pit bull of a kid]1446-this pit bull of a kid is chasing [me]0-i out . “ Okay . ”[1440-her] [She]1440-her forces a smile . “ Are [you]1440-her sure [you]1440-her ca n’t escape for a lunch date ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [We]3790-we ’re very busy today , [Mom]123-mom , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry interrupts . [I]0-i clench [my]0-i jaw . [I]0-i was n’t joking — [boarding school]3290-boarding school could be in [this kid]1040-this kid ’s very near future . [She]1440-her smirks . “ Does it look like [I]1440-her can do lunch today , [Tris]74-tristan ? ”[1440-her] [I]0-i stare at [her]1440-her deadpan . “ Fine . . . [I]0-i ’ll see [you]141-harry later ? ”[0-i] “ Okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i slowly walk to the door , and [she]1440-her follows [me]0-i . [I]0-i turn toward [her]1440-her , and [we]1449-we stare at [each other]286-each other for a moment . So much [I]0-i would like to say . . . to do . [Harry]141-harry steps between [us]1449-we , forcing [me]0-i back from [her]1440-her . “ Do [you]141-harry mind ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Not at all , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry snaps . [I]0-i glare at [him]141-harry . “ If [you]141-harry want to do something useful , keep [Paul]156-paul from Pilates off [the property]3791-the property and away from [[your]141-harry mother]3465-your mother . [He]156-paul ’s no good , [that guy]3444-that guy . ”[0-i] [Claire]93-patrick tries to hide [her]1440-her smile and fails abysmally . “ Goodbye , [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[1440-her] [Harry]141-harry ’s eyes widen in horror . “ Who ’s [Paul]156-paul from Pilates ? ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry says as [he]141-harry looks between [us]1451-us . [I]0-i smile at [Claire]93-patrick and give [her]1440-her a wink . [She]1440-her narrows [her]1440-her eyes in return . “ Nobody that [you]0-i need to worry about , ”[1440-her] [she]1440-her says . “ [Tristan]74-tristan is delusional . ”[1440-her] “ Goodbye , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , feeling pleased with [myself]0-i . “ Oh , [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry calls , and [I]0-i turn back toward [them]1452-them . “ [Tick]161-tick . Tock . ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry smiles darkly , as if [he]141-harry has a secret . [I]0-i narrow [my]0-i eyes . . . what the fuck does that mean ? [I]0-i shake it off . “ Goodbye , [Claire]93-patrick . Goodbye , [Wizard]162-wizard . ”[0-i] [I]0-i walk out to [[my]0-i car]316-my car , and [I]0-i hear a little voice call , “ [Tristan]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn and see [Patrick]93-patrick running out after [me]0-i . [He]93-patrick ’s all messed up and just woken up . [His]93-patrick hair is standing on end . “ Hey , [buddy]3394-buddy . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . [His]93-patrick face falls . “ Where are [you]0-i going ? ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick asks . “ [I]93-patrick have to go [home]341-home . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick catches [his]93-patrick lip with [his]93-patrick teeth , as if worried . “ Well , are [you]0-i coming back ? ”[93-patrick] “ Of course [I]93-patrick am . ”[93-patrick] “ When ? ”[93-patrick] “ Um . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i glance up and see [Claire]93-patrick standing at the door , watching [us]1454-us . “ Soon . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i ruffle [his]93-patrick hair and smile . “ Thanks for hanging out with [me]93-patrick last night . Next time [I]93-patrick get to pick the movie . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick swings [his]93-patrick arms happily . “ Okay . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick turns toward [[his]93-patrick mother]3642-his mother and smiles proudly . With one last wave , [I]0-i get into [[my]0-i car]316-my car and drive away . Half an hour out on [the highway]1457-the highway , and [[my]0-i car]316-my car begins to shudder . [I]0-i turn the radio down to listen to the engine . [I]0-i accelerate , and it shudders again . What ’s going on ? [I]0-i slow down and continue to drive , but [the car]371-the car seems to have no power . What in [the world]259-the world ? [It]371-the car begins to shudder violently , and it limps along for a while . [I]0-i eventually pull [the car]371-the car over and turn it off . [I]0-i sit for a moment and then turn it back on . It wo n’t click over . The engine ticks as [it]371-the car tries to start , but it just wo n’t . “ Oh , come on . [You]0-i ’ve got to be kidding [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [This car]1462-this car is fucking new . [I]0-i try to start [it]1462-this car again and again . Screw this . [I]0-i get out and slam the door shut . [I]0-i take out [my]0-i phone and [google tow trucks]1463-google tow trucks . This is the last thing [I]0-i need . [Claire]93-patrick [I]0-i type the email . [Mr. Scott]163-mr. scott , It was lovely meeting [you]163-mr. scott [I]0-i ’m interrupted by [my]0-i phone ringing . The name [Paul]156-paul lights up the screen . Oh no . [I]0-i exhale heavily . [I]0-i do n’t even want to speak to [him]163-mr. scott . [Our]1464-our date on Friday was the longest night of [my]0-i life . It ’s Monday , and [I]0-i know [he]163-mr. scott ’s calling to see if [I]0-i ’m going to Pilates tonight . Damn it . Now it ’s just going to be awkward . What a stupid move to date [someone from [my]0-i favorite Pilates class]1465-someone from my favorite pilates class . [My]0-i mind goes to [Tristan]74-tristan . [I]0-i ca n’t believe that [he]74-tristan was waiting for [me]0-i to come [home]341-home from [my]0-i date . [I]0-i smile at the thought of [him]74-tristan at [home]341-home alone with [[my]0-i kids]617-my kids . Oh well . . . at least [he]74-tristan survived , [I]0-i guess . [I]0-i ignore the call and go back to [my]0-i email . Then . . . knock , knock . “ Come in , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call as [my]0-i eyes stay glued to [my]0-i computer . The door opens and closes . “ [Anderson]96-fletcher , ”[0-i] [I]0-i hear the deep , flirty voice purr . [I]0-i look up to see [Tristan Miles]74-tristan in all [his]74-tristan glory . Perfectly fitting dark - navy suit , a crisp white shirt , and a navy tie . [His]74-tristan hands are in [his]74-tristan pockets , and [he]74-tristan looks very much like [the Miles Media heir that [he]74-tristan is]1469-the miles media heir that he is . [His]74-tristan dark hair is messed to just - fucked perfection . “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [Our]1470-our eyes meet , and [my]0-i stomach flutters . [He]74-tristan ’s so damn gorgeous that [I]0-i ca n’t stand it . “ Hello . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles . “ Hi . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i turn back to [my]0-i computer , unsure what to say . “ What are [you]74-tristan doing here ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i came to take [you]74-tristan out for lunch . ”[0-i] [I]0-i keep typing . “ [Claire]93-patrick , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asserts . “ Look at [me]74-tristan , please . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i drag [my]0-i eyes to meet [his]74-tristan . The funny , flirty expression [I]0-i ’m used to has been replaced by one of new determination . “ Why would [you]74-tristan want to take [me]0-i out to lunch ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]74-tristan walks around to stand in front of [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan takes [my]0-i hand and pulls [me]0-i up out of [my]0-i chair and into [his]74-tristan arms . “ Because [I]74-tristan ca n’t fight this anymore . [I]74-tristan ca n’t pretend that [I]74-tristan do n’t want [you]0-i . Because [I]74-tristan do . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan body is hard and strong against [mine]0-i , and as [I]0-i stare up at [him]74-tristan , [I]0-i lose [my]0-i ability to speak . [He]74-tristan leans down and kisses [me]0-i softly . [His]74-tristan lips hover over [mine]0-i . “ [Tris]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [I]0-i ’m sick of playing these stupid fucking games . ”[0-i] “ Such as ? ”[74-tristan] “ Stop acting dumb , [Anderson]96-fletcher ; it does n’t suit [you]96-fletcher at all . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan tucks a piece of [my]0-i hair behind [my]0-i ear . “ [I]74-tristan do n’t want [you]0-i to go out with [that Pilates fuckwit]3796-that pilates fuckwit again . ”[74-tristan] “ Why ? ”[74-tristan] “ Because [I]74-tristan want [you]0-i all to [myself]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ And yet [you]74-tristan expect [me]74-tristan to share ? ”[74-tristan] “ No . [I]0-i wo n’t see [anyone else]3451-anyone else either . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan for a moment as [I]0-i try to keep up with the conversation . “ Speak English , [Tristan]74-tristan . What are [you]74-tristan proposing ? ”[0-i] “ Casual monogamy . ”[74-tristan] “ Casual monogamy ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk . “ Is that a thing ? ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan pulls [me]0-i close and bumps [me]0-i with [his]74-tristan hips . “ [We]3798-we ’ll make it a thing . ”[74-tristan] “ And may [I]74-tristan ask how ? ”[74-tristan] “ Well . . . [I]74-tristan ’ll only see [you]0-i , and [you]0-i ’ll only see [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]0-i do n’t know if [I]0-i can do that . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile against [his]74-tristan lips as [he]74-tristan moves closer and kisses [me]0-i . “ Too bad . ”[74-tristan] [Our]1471-our lips crash together as [he]74-tristan holds [my]0-i face in [his]74-tristan hands . “ [I]74-tristan do n’t have a choice in the matter , so [we]1471-our need to do this . ”[74-tristan] “ Why do n’t [you]74-tristan have a choice ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Because [I]0-i only want [you]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pull into [the loading zone]1472-the loading zone and give [Fletcher]96-fletcher a wave . [He]74-tristan smiles as [he]74-tristan sees [me]0-i and runs over and jumps in . [He]74-tristan ’s carrying a suit bag and is rustling around and not closing [the car]371-the car door . “ Hi , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i put [my]0-i indicator on . “ Quick , [I]74-tristan ’m not allowed to pull in [here]3039-here . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan slams the door , and [I]0-i pull back out into the traffic . “ Hi , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan replies . “ Hi . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile over at [him]74-tristan and rub [his]74-tristan leg . “ Look at [you]74-tristan , [[my]0-i big working boy]3584-my big working boy . ”[0-i] [I]0-i glance into the back seat . “ What ’s in the bag ? ”[0-i] “ Oh . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles proudly . “ [Tristan]74-tristan bought [me]74-tristan a present . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i eyes flick over to [him]74-tristan in surprise . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] “ [He]74-tristan said [I]0-i ’ve been working really hard , so [he]74-tristan wanted to reward [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]0-i serious ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan nods with a proud smirk . “ [Fletch]145-fletch , [I]74-tristan ’m so proud of [you]145-fletch for trying so hard . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i eyes swing to the back seat . “ What is it ? ”[74-tristan] “ A new suit . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown over at [him]74-tristan . “ How much did that cost ? ”[0-i] “ Like three thousand dollars . ”[74-tristan] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i scoff . “ [Mom]123-mom , [I]0-i tried to tell [him]74-tristan it was too much , and [he]74-tristan told [me]0-i [I]0-i ca n’t wear cheap suits if [I]0-i want to be taken seriously . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i watch [the road]1474-the road , and [my]0-i heart drops . [Wade]85-wade would have loved to have bought [Fletch]145-fletch [his]145-fletch first nice suit . Annoyance fills [me]0-i . [I]0-i know [I]0-i should be grateful , but [I]0-i feel like [Tristan]74-tristan has stepped over the line . This was something that [I]0-i wanted to do . [I]0-i ’m [[his]145-fletch mother]3642-his mother . . . it should have been [me]0-i . “ [Him]145-fletch and [Sammia]137-sammia took [me]0-i . [Sammia]137-sammia told [me]0-i to let [him]145-fletch buy it because [he]145-fletch has the money , and it ’s true — [I]0-i have been working very hard . ”[0-i] “ Wow . ”[0-i] [I]0-i widen [my]0-i eyes as [I]0-i act enthusiastic . “ Remind [me]0-i , who is [Sammia]137-sammia ? ”[0-i] “ [She]137-sammia ’s [[Jameson]113-jameson ’s PA]3601-jameson ’s pa . [Her]137-sammia and [Tristan]74-tristan are [good friends]3802-good friends . ”[0-i] “ Oh . ”[1476-her] [I]0-i remember [her]1476-her . [She]1476-her ’s gorgeous . “ Yeah , [I]1476-her thought [they]3803-they were going out for a while . ”[1476-her] [My]0-i eyes flick over to [him]1477-he . “ Why did [you]1477-he think that ? ”[1476-her] “ Oh , [they]3803-they go to lunch together a lot . [I]0-i just assumed . ”[0-i] [I]0-i grip the steering wheel as an unexpected burst of jealousy runs through [me]0-i . [I]0-i glance back over at [him]1477-he . “ So . . . are [they]3803-they going out ? ”[0-i] “ No . [I]0-i met [[Sammia]137-sammia ’s fiancé]3804-sammia ’s fiancé this week . Turns out [they]3803-they really are just [friends]3356-friends . ”[0-i] “ Oh . ”[0-i] Relief fills [me]0-i , and [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i assess [my]0-i emotions . Hmm . . . [I]0-i really should n’t care what [he]1477-he does . Turns out that maybe [I]0-i do . “ Do [you]1477-he like [Tristan]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask [him]1477-he . “ Yeah , [he]74-tristan ’s kind of growing on [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Why is that ? ”[1477-he] “ Well , [he]74-tristan ’s not [the bastard [he]74-tristan pretends to be]3806-the bastard he pretends to be . Put it that way . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes dart between [him]1477-he and [the road]1474-the road . “ Why do [you]1477-he say that ? ”[0-i] “ [I]1477-he do n’t know , ”[1477-he] [he]1477-he says causally as [he]1477-he stares out the window at [the people rushing by on the sidewalk]1479-the people rushing by on the sidewalk . “ [He]74-tristan ’s not who [I]1477-he thought [he]74-tristan was . ”[1477-he] “ How come ? ”[0-i] “ [I]1477-he do n’t think [he]74-tristan ’s [a bad guy in a good suit]3807-a bad guy in a good suit like [I]1477-he first thought . [I]1477-he think [he]74-tristan ’s actually [a good guy in a good suit]3808-a good guy in a good suit . ”[1477-he] [He]1477-he takes out [his]1477-he phone and starts to scroll . “ [He]74-tristan ’s actually pretty funny . ”[1477-he] [I]0-i bite [my]0-i lip to hold [my]0-i tongue . [I]0-i want to ask [him]1477-he a million questions about [Tristan Miles]74-tristan , but [I]0-i know [I]0-i ca n’t be obvious , and besides , [he]1477-he and [I]0-i are effectively just [friends]3356-friends , so it does n’t matter anyway . [My]0-i mind goes over what [he]1477-he said to [me]0-i in [[my]0-i office]298-my office earlier today . “ So . . . sleeping with only [you]0-i . . . is n’t a problem for [me]1477-he . ”[1477-he] [His]1477-he lips touched [mine]0-i . “ However , not sleeping with [you]0-i is a torture [I]1477-he wo n’t tolerate . ”[1477-he] [I]0-i smirk to [myself]0-i as [I]0-i drive . [I]0-i like the fact that [he]1477-he does n’t want [anyone else]3451-anyone else , and [I]0-i know that this is probably a disaster waiting to happen , but [I]0-i ’m going with the oblivious approach . [I]0-i ’m just not going to think about it . What will [I]0-i wear tomorrow ? Nerves flutter in [my]0-i stomach at the thought of having [him]1477-he to [myself]0-i for an hour . For the first time since [Paris]6-paris , [I]0-i find [myself]0-i being a little excited . [Marley]77-marley walks into [[my]0-i office]298-my office . “ What do [you]77-marley want to have for lunch ? ”[77-marley] “ Oh , um . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause . Shit . “ [I]0-i have an appointment today on [my]0-i lunch break . Sorry . ”[0-i] [I]0-i spin toward [her]77-marley in [my]0-i chair . It does n’t feel right lying to [[my]0-i best friend]272-my best friend , but this really needs to stay between [Tristan]74-tristan and [me]0-i . “ What are [you]77-marley going to get ? ”[74-tristan] “ Hmm . . . not sure , really . [I]77-marley ’m feeling like sushi , but then”—she[77-marley] grimaces—“I ca n’t be bothered to walk to [the good place]3809-the good place . ”[77-marley] “ Yeah , [I]0-i know . It ’s a trek . ”[0-i] [I]0-i think for a moment . “ What about [Denver]35-denver ’s ? ”[0-i] [She]77-marley screws up [her]77-marley face , as if [I]0-i ’m stupid . “ Do n’t [you]77-marley remember last time [we]1485-we went [there]3088-there ? ”[77-marley] “ No , what happened ? ”[77-marley] “ Death by risotto . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley widens [her]77-marley eyes . “ [We]1485-we nearly died that day , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i giggle . “ Oh , that ’s right . How could [I]0-i ever forget that ? ”[0-i] [We]1485-we had [risotto]164-risotto , and it upset [our]1485-we stomachs so bad that [we]1485-we were lying on [[my]0-i office]298-my office floor groaning for an hour . “ What appointment do [you]0-i have ? ”[0-i] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i try to think on [my]0-i feet . “ [Doctor]3811-doctor . Just an annual checkup . ”[0-i] [My]0-i phone beeps with a text , and [I]0-i see the name [Tristan]74-tristan light up the screen . [I]0-i turn it over so that [she]77-marley ca n’t see [his]74-tristan name . “ Cool , ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley says as [she]77-marley walks toward the door . “ What are [you]77-marley going to have ? ”[77-marley] [I]0-i call . “ Death by risotto or good sushi ? ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley shrugs . “ Hmm , probably mediocre sushi from around the corner . Save [my]77-marley feet . ”[77-marley] “ Mediocre sushi is better than no sushi at all , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ This is true . ”[0-i] [She]77-marley disappears out the door , and [I]0-i read [my]0-i text . [Anderson]85-wade , [Your]85-wade lunch date is at [Dream Downtown]36-dream downtown at 1 pm . Tris . xo [I]0-i smile and glance at [my]0-i clock . Hmm , that ’s a weird place to have lunch . Must be so that [nobody]3093-nobody sees [us]1488-us . One hour until [I]0-i get to see [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i walk into [the foyer of [the Dream Downtown hotel]1490-the dream downtown hotel]1489-the foyer of the dream downtown hotel right at one o’clock . “ Hello . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i hear [his]74-tristan deep voice behind [me]0-i . [I]0-i spin toward [him]74-tristan , and [my]0-i heart catches in [my]0-i throat . [He]74-tristan ’s wearing a gray suit and a cream shirt with a navy tie . [His]74-tristan dark curled hair is unruly , and [he]74-tristan looks completely edible . “ Hi . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . [His]74-tristan hungry eyes drop down [my]0-i body . “ [I]74-tristan ’ve already ordered lunch for [us]1492-we . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan have ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan glances toward the reception desk , as if guilty of a sinister crime . “ Yes , it ’s in [the private dining room]3042-the private dining room . ”[74-tristan] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ This way , please . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan turns and walks off toward [the elevator]571-the elevator , and [I]0-i follow [him]74-tristan . [We]1492-we get in . [He]74-tristan pushes the number seven , the doors close , and [we]1492-we begin to go up . “ Where is [this . . . private dining room]3813-this . . . private dining room ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]74-tristan ca n’t tell [you]0-i , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says dryly . “ It ’s private . ”[74-tristan] “ So it ’s [a super - private dining room]3814-a super - private dining room ? ”[74-tristan] “ Precisely . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan continues to look straight ahead . “ How did [you]74-tristan know how to find [it]3813-this . . . private dining room if it ’s so private ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i play along . “ [[[My]74-tristan uncle]3815-my uncle ’s sister ’s husband ’s brother ’s mother - in - law]3816-my uncle ’s sister ’s husband ’s brother ’s mother - in - law told [me]74-tristan about it , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan replies without hesitation . “ Oh , [I]74-tristan see . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile and put [my]0-i head down . [This man]284-this man kills [me]0-i . The doors open , and [he]74-tristan strides down [the hallway]3666-the hallway on a mission and presents a key from [his]74-tristan pocket at one of the doors . “ This is n’t [a private dining room]3817-a private dining room ; this is [a hotel room]3818-a hotel room . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan winks darkly . “ Semantics . ”[74-tristan] “ How so ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan turns the key and opens the door . “ [You]0-i will be eating , and . . . it ’s private . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan stands back to let [me]0-i in . [The room]370-the room is quaint with a king - size bed and [a lovely bathroom]1496-a lovely bathroom . The curtains are drawn , and it ’s dark , lit only by the lamps . A platter of food covered with a silver lid and a bottle of champagne are on the table . [I]0-i turn toward [him]74-tristan . “ [You]74-tristan ’ve already been up [here]3039-here ? ”[0-i] “ Well , [I]74-tristan had to organize [your]74-tristan lunch . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan rolls [his]74-tristan eyes , as if [I]0-i ’m stupid . “ This is [a dining room]3820-a dining room . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i look around [the room]370-the room . “ And [you]74-tristan drew the curtains for [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ Yes . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan steps toward [me]0-i . “ Did n’t want to scare [you]0-i with [[my]74-tristan member]3821-my member . Thought [I]74-tristan would ease [you]0-i back into the saddle . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i burst out laughing . “ [[Your]74-tristan member]3822-your member ? ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan lips dust [mine]0-i , [his]74-tristan tongue slowly sliding through [my]0-i lips as [he]74-tristan takes [my]0-i face in [his]74-tristan hands . Oh man . . . the way [he]74-tristan kisses . [I]0-i open [my]0-i eyes to see [his]74-tristan are closed . [He]74-tristan ’s totally in the moment with [me]0-i . “ Do [you]0-i know how fucking horny [I]74-tristan am , [Anderson]85-wade ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers against [my]0-i mouth . [I]0-i smile . “ Probably as horny as [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ No . [I]0-i win . [I]0-i ’ve jerked off three times today in preparation for this . [You]0-i ’ll be lucky if [I]0-i have anything left for [you]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i burst out laughing . “ Oh , [I]0-i missed [your]74-tristan sense of humor . ”[0-i] [We]1498-we fall serious for a moment as [our]1498-we eyes search [each other]286-each other ’s . [I]0-i missed more than [his]74-tristan sense of humor , but [I]0-i ’ll never admit it . “ [I]74-tristan need [you]0-i naked , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [His]74-tristan concentration drops to [my]0-i blouse , and [he]74-tristan begins to slowly unbutton it . [My]0-i heart is beating so fast as [I]0-i stand before [him]74-tristan . How is this happening ? [We]1498-we ’ve been in [the room]370-the room together for all of two minutes . This is lust . . . pure , unadulterated lust . “ What were [you]74-tristan thinking about when [you]74-tristan jerked off ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [His]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ [You]0-i . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i heart constricts in [my]0-i chest as [my]0-i eyes search [his]74-tristan again . [I]0-i know this is casual and probably sleazy sex . But damn it , it feels like more . It feels like a lifetime since [I]0-i ’ve been in [his]74-tristan arms . [He]74-tristan undoes [my]0-i last button and slides [my]0-i blouse over [my]0-i shoulder and carefully places it over the back of the couch . [His]74-tristan lips go to [my]0-i neck as [he]74-tristan slowly unzips [my]0-i zipper and slides [my]0-i skirt down . [He]74-tristan nips [my]0-i neck with [his]74-tristan teeth and then takes [my]0-i skirt fully off and carefully places it on the chair . “ [We]3823-we do n’t want any creases in [your]0-i clothes when [you]0-i go back to work . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i frown . How many times before has [he]74-tristan had this kind of lunch date ? [He]74-tristan knows the drill . . . [I]0-i push the thought to the back of [my]0-i mind . Do n’t go there . [He]74-tristan steps back from [me]0-i ; [his]74-tristan eyes drop down [my]0-i body , and [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes to block [him]74-tristan out . [My]0-i nerves are at an all - time high . [I]0-i know [I]0-i am nothing like [the women [he]74-tristan ’s used to]1501-the women he ’s used to . “ [You]0-i know . . . , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [I]0-i stare at a spot on the carpet — anything to take [myself]0-i away from the intensity of [his]74-tristan gaze on [my]0-i body . [He]74-tristan drags [my]0-i face to [his]74-tristan . “ [I]74-tristan had forgotten how beautiful [you]0-i are , [Anderson]85-wade . ”[74-tristan] If [I]0-i could answer [him]74-tristan with something witty , [I]0-i would . But [I]0-i ca n’t . [I]0-i ’m overwrought with the feelings [he]74-tristan brings out in [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan bends and kisses [my]0-i clavicle and then one by one takes [my]0-i nipples into [his]74-tristan mouth through [my]0-i bra . [I]0-i hold [my]0-i breath to try to stop it from quivering , to try to at least act a little cool . [He]74-tristan drops lower to [my]0-i stomach . [He]74-tristan trails kisses lower and lower and then drops to [his]74-tristan knees in front of [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan nibbles [my]0-i sex through [my]0-i panties , and [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes as [I]0-i nearly combust . Oh , dear God . . . [He]74-tristan pulls [my]0-i panties to the side and kisses [me]0-i softly there . . . oh fucking hell . [I]0-i feel [his]74-tristan exhale on [my]0-i skin , and [I]0-i hold [my]0-i breath as [I]0-i wait for a reaction . [He]74-tristan inhales sharply and then , as if unable to help it , licks [me]0-i deep with [his]74-tristan thick tongue . [He]74-tristan moans in appreciation , and it sends a rumble through [my]0-i sex . [My]0-i legs nearly cave in under [me]0-i . [I]0-i glance up and catch sight of [us]1502-us in the mirror . [Me]0-i in [my]0-i black lace underwear . [Him]74-tristan in a full suit and tie , on [his]74-tristan knees in front of [me]0-i . [I]0-i look down at [him]74-tristan , and [his]74-tristan eyes are closed in pleasure , as if [he]74-tristan might die if [he]74-tristan does n’t get to taste [me]0-i . Impatient with licking around [my]0-i panties , [he]74-tristan slides them down , throws them to the side , and then walks [me]0-i backward over to the bed . [He]74-tristan slowly takes [my]0-i bra off and then lays [me]0-i down and spreads [my]0-i legs wide . [His]74-tristan eyes roam over [my]0-i flesh . [I]0-i ’m completely at [his]74-tristan mercy . Here for [his]74-tristan pleasure . [We]1503-we stare at [each other]286-each other as the energy swirls between [us]1503-we like wildfire . When [Tristan Miles]74-tristan has [me]0-i naked . . . nothing else matters . All [I]0-i care about is pleasing [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan bends and takes [my]0-i thighs in [his]74-tristan hands and holds [me]0-i wide as [his]74-tristan tongue begins to swirl deep in [my]0-i sex . [My]0-i back arches off the bed , and [I]0-i writhe beneath [him]74-tristan . [My]0-i hands twist in [his]74-tristan wavy hair , and [I]0-i drag [his]74-tristan face up so [I]0-i can look at [him]74-tristan . [His]74-tristan lips glisten with [my]0-i arousal , and [his]74-tristan eyes are a beautiful shade of “ come fuck [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ Get up here , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [He]74-tristan licks [me]0-i again , [his]74-tristan eyes closing once more , and it becomes very clear that [he]74-tristan is n’t in control of [his]74-tristan actions anymore . [He]74-tristan ’s working on instinct now , sheer male instinct . [His]74-tristan body has taken over ; it does n’t matter what [I]0-i ask for . [He]74-tristan needs to do it [his]74-tristan way . . . at least this time , anyway . [He]74-tristan keeps eating [me]0-i , deeper and deeper as [he]74-tristan loses all control . [His]74-tristan face thrashes from side to side , and [his]74-tristan whiskers burn [my]0-i sensitive skin . Fucking hell . . . so good . [My]0-i back begins to arch in pleasure ; [my]0-i face contorts as [I]0-i try to hold it . “ [Tris]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whimper as [I]0-i pull [his]74-tristan hair between [my]0-i fingers . “ Up here . Come up here . ”[0-i] [I]0-i want to kiss [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i desperately want to kiss [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan grazes [his]74-tristan teeth against [my]0-i clitoris , and [I]0-i cry out as [I]0-i burst into orgasm . [I]0-i shudder hard as [he]74-tristan softly licks [me]0-i through it . For five minutes [he]74-tristan continues as [I]0-i stare at the ceiling and shudder and see stars . [I]0-i think that ’s the hardest [I]0-i ’ve ever come . God damn , [he]74-tristan ’s so fucking good at this . [I]0-i come to [my]0-i senses and realize that [he]74-tristan ’s still completely dressed in [his]74-tristan suit . [I]0-i sit up with a renewed determination and crawl onto [my]0-i knees . “ Stand up , ”[0-i] [I]0-i breathe . [His]74-tristan eyes flicker with fire , and [he]74-tristan stands up as [I]0-i unzip [his]74-tristan trousers . [His]74-tristan cock is rock hard and sitting above the waist of [his]74-tristan briefs . Preejaculate is beading on the end . [I]0-i should undress [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i should take [my]0-i time . What [I]0-i want is to suck [him]74-tristan . . . hard . [I]0-i want to make [him]74-tristan blow , fully dressed in [his]74-tristan expensive suit . [I]0-i kiss [his]74-tristan dick , and [he]74-tristan runs [his]74-tristan hand tenderly through [my]0-i hair as [he]74-tristan looks on . What is it about the two of [us]1505-we together ? [We]1505-we do n’t even need to speak ; it ’s like [we]1505-we have a secret language . [I]0-i can tell what [he]74-tristan ’s thinking , just by [his]74-tristan touch . [I]0-i begin to lick [him]74-tristan with a flat tongue . [Our]1505-we eyes are locked . [He]74-tristan loves this . [He]74-tristan pulls [my]0-i hair back into a ponytail on top of [my]0-i head as [he]74-tristan watches , and [I]0-i smile around [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan wants in [my]0-i mouth — that ’s why [he]74-tristan ’s pulling [my]0-i hair back from [my]0-i face . [I]0-i lick everywhere , but [I]0-i wo n’t put [him]74-tristan completely in [my]0-i mouth , and [he]74-tristan begins to move [my]0-i head by the grip [he]74-tristan has on [my]0-i hair to try to get in . [I]0-i lick up the length of [his]74-tristan shaft , and then [I]0-i whisper , “ Fuck [my]0-i mouth , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan inhales deeply and pushes [his]74-tristan cock down [my]0-i throat . [His]74-tristan preejaculate is salty , and the grip [he]74-tristan has on [my]0-i hair near painful . [He]74-tristan slides out and then pumps back in as [his]74-tristan eyes roll back in [his]74-tristan head . “ Fuck , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan moans . “ Harder , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i whisper around [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan pushes in deep again , and this time [I]0-i flick [my]0-i tongue . [His]74-tristan cock jerks , and [he]74-tristan staggers forward . [He]74-tristan ’s close already . [We]1506-we find a rhythm . [His]74-tristan hands grip [my]0-i hair , and as [I]0-i kneel naked on the bed , [he]74-tristan fucks [my]0-i mouth . Long and deep , the moans coming out of [him]74-tristan are the hottest sounds [I]0-i ’ve ever heard . [His]74-tristan grip becomes painful as [he]74-tristan slams into [my]0-i mouth , and [he]74-tristan tips [his]74-tristan head back . With a deep moan , [he]74-tristan comes in a rush . The hot semen fills [my]0-i mouth , and [I]0-i drink it down like [a pro]1507-a pro . [He]74-tristan struggles for air and tips [his]74-tristan head back to the ceiling , and [I]0-i lick [him]74-tristan up as [I]0-i continue to empty [his]74-tristan beautiful body . Then [I]0-i stand and take [his]74-tristan jacket off , and [I]0-i undo [his]74-tristan tie and slowly unbutton [his]74-tristan shirt . [He]74-tristan looks on in a strange detached state , [his]74-tristan face full of awe . [I]0-i slide [his]74-tristan shirt over [his]74-tristan shoulders and am blessed with a view of [his]74-tristan thick , muscular chest with its scattering of dark hair . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i kiss [his]74-tristan chest . “ [I]0-i ’ve missed [your]74-tristan beautiful body . ”[0-i] [I]0-i kiss lower and take [him]74-tristan into [my]0-i mouth again , and [he]74-tristan pulls [me]0-i up . [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i , and it ’s tender and meaningful and everything that a hotel hookup is not . “ Fuck [me]74-tristan , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ [You]0-i need to fuck [me]74-tristan , [Anderson]85-wade . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i pull [his]74-tristan pants down in one quick movement . [He]74-tristan disappears and grabs a handful of condoms with urgency . [He]74-tristan throws them on the side table and rolls one on . [He]74-tristan pushes [me]0-i backward , and [I]0-i fall onto the mattress with a giggle as [he]74-tristan climbs over [me]0-i . In one hard pump [he]74-tristan slides in deep . [Our]1508-our mouths fall open as [we]1508-our stare at each other . [Our]1508-our hearts racing hard in [our]1508-our chests . [He]74-tristan pulls out and slides back in deep , and [my]0-i body ripples around [his]74-tristan as it tries to deal with [his]74-tristan size . [Not all men]1509-not all men are created equal . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is bona fide proof of that . Sex with [him]74-tristan . . . is otherworldly . “ [I]74-tristan ’ve been looking forward to wrecking [your]0-i vagina all day , [Anderson]85-wade , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [I]0-i burst out laughing , and [he]74-tristan slams in hard . “ Get [your]0-i fucking legs up . ”[74-tristan] The water runs over [my]0-i back , and [I]0-i smile as [my]0-i head leans against [his]74-tristan broad chest . “ [You]0-i know , when [I]74-tristan teased [you]0-i about drinking granny tea , [I]74-tristan had no idea how granny [you]0-i could actually get , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mutters dryly . [I]0-i giggle . “ [You]74-tristan are [a lucky boy]3824-a lucky boy . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i ’m wearing a shower cap so that [I]0-i do n’t go back to work with wet hair . “ [You]0-i know , this is a very expensive lunch for [you]0-i every day . How much does [this hotel]815-this hotel cost , anyway ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles down at [me]0-i as [he]74-tristan readjusts [my]0-i granny shower cap . “ Worth every penny . ”[74-tristan] It ’s Friday , and contrary to the two lunch dates a week [we]1510-we agreed on , [we]1510-we have spent three lunch breaks together here this week . [I]0-i ’ve lied to everyone in [[my]0-i office]298-my office about where [I]0-i have been . [I]0-i ’m [a bad boss]1512-a bad boss doing bad things with [a bad man]579-a bad man . [We]1510-we ca n’t get enough of [each other]286-each other . “ [I]0-i ’ve got to go , [baby]3208-baby , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Hmm . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan holds [me]0-i tightly in [his]74-tristan arms . “ Do n’t leave [me]74-tristan , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan teases . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i kiss [him]74-tristan . “ [I]0-i have to . ”[0-i] [I]0-i drag [myself]0-i from [his]74-tristan arms and dry [myself]0-i as [he]74-tristan stays in the shower . “ Are [you]74-tristan not going back to work ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i dress . [He]74-tristan begins to wash [his]74-tristan hair . “ No . How did [you]74-tristan know ? ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan have an overnight bag with [you]74-tristan today . ”[74-tristan] “ Oh , [I]74-tristan ’m going to [the gym]3827-the gym . ”[74-tristan] “ Okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i remember something . “ Did [you]74-tristan get [[your]74-tristan car]3480-your car back ? ”[0-i] “ Hopefully [I]74-tristan can pick [it]3480-your car up this afternoon . If not , [I]74-tristan have another lined up for the weekend . ”[74-tristan] “ Okay . ”[74-tristan] “ Can [we]3829-we do Monday lunch ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks as [he]74-tristan rinses the shampoo from [his]74-tristan hair . “ Wednesday is too far away , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan adds . [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan for a moment , and [he]74-tristan ’s right : Wednesday is too far away . “ Yes , perhaps . [I]74-tristan ’ll call [you]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] What ’s happening here ? [I]0-i dismiss [my]0-i questions and lean in and kiss [him]74-tristan . “ Goodbye . ”[0-i] “ Can [you]0-i pass [me]74-tristan [my]74-tristan conditioner out of [my]74-tristan bag before [you]0-i go , please ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks . [I]0-i go out and retrieve [his]74-tristan conditioner from [his]74-tristan bag and notice [his]74-tristan phone is lighting up . [I]0-i hand the conditioner over . “ [Your]74-tristan phone has been ringing . ”[0-i] [I]0-i put it on the bathroom counter . “ Bye , [Tris]74-tristan . ”[0-i] “ Bye , [babe]3682-babe . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a sexy wink , and [I]0-i smirk as [my]0-i eyes drop down [his]74-tristan naked body . Hmm , [I]0-i ’ve died and gone to lunch - break heaven . [Tristan]74-tristan [I]0-i listen to the door bang , and [I]0-i smile as a warmth floods through [me]0-i . [Claire Anderson]81-claire makes [me]0-i happy . Stupidly fucking happy . To the point where [I]0-i ’m nearly driving [myself]0-i insane with [my]0-i goofy grin . [I]0-i put the conditioner in [my]0-i hair and screw up [my]0-i face . Oh God . That shit stinks . [I]0-i do n’t remember it smelling like that before . [I]0-i lean out of the shower and throw the small bottle into the trash can , and [I]0-i see [my]0-i phone dancing on the counter . The name [Mechanic]165-mechanic lights up the screen . Yes . . . [[my]0-i car]316-my car . “ Hello , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer , trying not to drip on the phone . “ Oh , hello , is that [Tristan]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] “ Yes . Speaking . ”[165-mechanic] “ Hello , it ’s [Steven]166-steven from [Aston Martin]34-aston martin calling . ”[165-mechanic] “ Is [[my]0-i car]316-my car ready to pick up ? ”[0-i] “ No , unfortunately not . [We]3832-we ’ve only just been able to discover what ’s wrong with it . [It]316-my car ’s had [us]3832-we baffled all week . ”[165-mechanic] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ Okay , what is it ? ”[0-i] “ Um . ”[1516-he] [He]1516-he pauses . “ [I]1516-he do n’t know how to put this . ”[1516-he] [I]0-i frown . “ [Someone]3143-someone has put sugar in the gas tank . ”[1516-he] “ What ? ”[0-i] “ [Someone who had access to [your]0-i key]3834-someone who had access to your key has put a shit ton of sugar in [your]0-i tank . [It]3835-it seized the motor . ”[0-i] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face . “ Are [you]1516-he kidding [me]0-i ? Who would . . . ”[0-i] [My]0-i voice trails off . [The wizard]3629-the wizard . “ Okay , ”[3629-the wizard] [I]0-i snap . “ That ’s fine . Just fix it , and let [me]0-i know when it ’s ready . ”[0-i] “ Sorry , [sir]3836-sir . ”[0-i] Anger boils [my]0-i blood , and [I]0-i run [my]0-i fingers through [my]0-i hair . [My]0-i scalp burns . Oww . [I]0-i pull [my]0-i hand down and see it ’s full of hair . [My]0-i eyes widen . What the fuck ? [I]0-i grab [my]0-i hair , and it comes out in chunks . “ [I]0-i ’ve got to go , ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . “ Okay , [sir]3836-sir , so — ”[0-i] [I]0-i hang up on [him]3629-the wizard and run to get back under the shower . [My]0-i scalp is burning to fuck , and [my]0-i hair feels like jelly as [I]0-i try to rinse it out . [I]0-i think back to the words [Harry]141-harry said to [me]0-i when [I]0-i last saw [him]3629-the wizard . “ [Tick]161-tick . Tock . ”[141-harry] [My]0-i eyes widen in horror . [That evil wizard]1518-that evil wizard has put hair - removal cream in [my]0-i conditioner . . . and fucked up [[my]0-i car]316-my car . [I]0-i wash [my]0-i hair like [a madman]3596-a madman . [I]0-i ’m going to be bald . [My]0-i anger erupts like never before . “ [Tick]161-tick . Fucking . Tock . Prepare to die , [motherfucker]3331-motherfucker . ”[0-i] Chapter 15 For half an hour , [I]0-i stand under the water . [I]0-i get out briefly and google How to stop hair - removal cream from working ? Water and shampoo remove hair - removal cream . [I]0-i go to use [my]0-i shampoo , and then [I]0-i eye the bottle suspiciously . Fuck that . [I]0-i reach out and throw that bottle into the trash as well . Who knows what that shit of [a kid]3487-a kid has done to anything ? [I]0-i use [the hotel]612-the hotel ’s cheap and nasty shampoo . [I]0-i rinse [my]0-i hair for another twenty minutes , and then [I]0-i get out and look in the mirror . [My]0-i hair feels like fairy floss — some places worse than others . . . but all in all , it ’s fucked . [I]0-i dial [Jameson]113-jameson ’s number . “ Hey , ”[113-jameson] [he]113-jameson answers . “ Meet [me]113-jameson out front of [the building]379-the building in ten minutes . ”[113-jameson] “ [I]0-i ca n’t . ”[0-i] “ [Jameson]113-jameson , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper through gritted teeth . “ Meet [me]0-i , or else prepare to bail [me]0-i out of [prison]3840-prison tonight for killing [a minor]3841-a minor . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[0-i] “ [That kid]3471-that kid . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pinch the bridge of [my]0-i nose , unable to believe it . “ [He]3471-that kid put sugar in the gas tank of [[my]0-i Aston Martin]3843-my aston martin . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[0-i] “ Oh , it gets better . [He]3471-that kid also put hair - removal cream in [my]0-i fucking conditioner bottle . ”[0-i] “ [He]3471-that kid did not . ”[0-i] “ [Jameson]113-jameson , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper angrily . “ [My]0-i hair looks like singed pubes , so [you]113-jameson either take [me]0-i to [a fucking bar]3844-a fucking bar , or that ’s it . . . [I]0-i ’m going crazy . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets . “ And [I]0-i wo n’t be held responsible for [my]0-i actions , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . [He]1523-you bursts out laughing . “ Are [you]0-i fucking serious right now ? ”[1523-you] “ [Deadly]168-deadly . ”[1523-you] “ Jesus Christ , [Tris]74-tristan . Who is [this fucking kid]3845-this fucking kid ? ”[1523-you] “ Someone on [my]0-i hit list . See [you]1523-you in ten . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hang up and look in the mirror at [my]0-i fuzzy hair . [I]0-i try to part it and push it to the side , but it ’s all fuzzy and sticking up on end . [I]0-i make a fist at the mirror . “ When [I]0-i get ahold of [you]1523-you , [kid]1004-kid . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i storm out and grab [my]0-i bag . [I]0-i take out [my]0-i toiletry bag and throw the entire thing in the trash . Who knows what [that fucker]1524-that fucker has done ? [I]0-i sip [my]0-i beer and glare at [[my]0-i infuriating brother]1525-my infuriating brother across the bar table . Every time [he]1525-my infuriating brother looks at [me]0-i , [he]1525-my infuriating brother bursts out laughing . [He]1525-my infuriating brother ’s been doing this for half an hour . [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head in disgust . “ If [I]0-i could run [my]0-i fingers through [my]0-i hair in dismay , [I]0-i would . But [I]0-i ca n’t . . . because it will fucking fall out . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh deeply . “ This is not going to work for [me]0-i . [My]0-i hair is an asset , ”[0-i] [I]0-i splutter . “ How will [I]0-i walk around like this ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i widen [my]0-i eyes as a vision comes through . “ How will [I]0-i face [people]406-people in meetings ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i pinch the bridge of [my]0-i nose . “ Hi , [I]0-i ’m here to take over [[your]113-jameson company]3049-your company . Do n’t mind [me]0-i . [I]0-i got fucked up by [a thirteen - year - old]3849-a thirteen - year - old . ”[0-i] [Jameson]113-jameson puts [his]113-jameson head into [his]113-jameson hands and laughs hard . [His]113-jameson shoulders and back are racked with giggles . [I]0-i sip [my]0-i beer , unimpressed . “ Go ahead ; laugh all [you]113-jameson want , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter dryly . “ This is fucking hilarious . ”[0-i] “ It actually is , ”[113-jameson] [he]113-jameson says with a laugh . “ [I]113-jameson would say hysterical . ”[113-jameson] [I]0-i glare at [him]113-jameson , and when [he]113-jameson finally stops laughing and comes back to earth , [he]113-jameson says , “ In all seriousness , what are [you]0-i going to do ? ”[113-jameson] “ Well , [I]113-jameson want to go over there and rip [him]113-jameson [a new asshole]3850-a new asshole . ”[113-jameson] [He]113-jameson laughs again . “ But [I]113-jameson wo n’t , because [Claire]81-claire will kick [me]113-jameson out . ”[113-jameson] “ And that ’s a problem ? ”[113-jameson] “ Yes . It ’s a fucking problem . [This woman]848-this woman has [me]0-i by the balls , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper angrily . “ [You]0-i know what [I]0-i ’m doing tonight ? ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[113-jameson] “ Unbeknown to [Claire]81-claire , [I]113-jameson ’m driving an hour to watch movies with [[her]81-claire youngest boy]3852-her youngest boy . . . who is actually [a pretty cool little kid]3853-a pretty cool little kid , mind [you]0-i , but whatever . While [I]113-jameson pretend to [the other two kids]3854-the other two kids that [I]113-jameson am just [[her]81-claire friend]3855-her friend . ”[113-jameson] [He]113-jameson frowns . “ Then , if [I]113-jameson ’m lucky , [I]113-jameson ’ll be allowed to sleep on [the concrete lounge]3856-the concrete lounge so that [the Muff Cat]138-muff can piss on [my]113-jameson head . ”[113-jameson] [He]113-jameson drops [his]113-jameson head and laughs once more . “ Will [you]113-jameson stop fucking laughing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [I]113-jameson ca n’t help it . ”[113-jameson] [He]113-jameson chuckles . “ So [this kid]1040-this kid is the one who attacked [you]0-i with the underpants ? ”[113-jameson] “ No , this is [the kid who hanged the teddy]3858-the kid who hanged the teddy . . . [the serial - killer one]3859-the serial - killer one . ”[113-jameson] [Jameson]113-jameson puts [his]113-jameson hand over [his]113-jameson mouth to stifle [his]113-jameson laugh once more . “ This is fucking hilarious , [Tris]74-tristan . [I]113-jameson swear to [God]97-god [you]74-tristan ’re being punked or some shit . [I]113-jameson could n’t make this shit up if [I]113-jameson tried . ”[113-jameson] [I]0-i run [my]0-i fingers over [my]0-i lips as [I]0-i agree with [his]113-jameson theory . “ It ’s like an elaborate plan to set [me]0-i up to fail . ”[0-i] “ Well , that ’s what [he]113-jameson ’s doing . [He]113-jameson wants [you]74-tristan to stop hanging around . [He]113-jameson ’s effectively pushing [you]74-tristan out . Quite smart , if [you]74-tristan ask [me]0-i , and very effective . ”[0-i] [I]0-i narrow [my]0-i eyes and punch [my]0-i fist . “ Anyway , it ’s easily fixed . ”[113-jameson] [He]113-jameson shrugs as [he]113-jameson sips [his]113-jameson beer . “ Leave . Move on . [She]3860-she sounds like more trouble than [she]3860-she ’s worth . ”[113-jameson] “ Nope , not happening . ”[113-jameson] [He]113-jameson screws up [his]113-jameson face . “ [You]113-jameson really like [this girl]3861-this girl ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ [I]0-i do . ”[0-i] “ Realistically , though , where is this going to go ? [I]113-jameson mean , long term [you]74-tristan are n’t going to be with [her]3861-this girl . Why put [yourself]74-tristan through hell with [[her]3861-this girl kids]3496-her kids if [you]74-tristan and [she]3861-this girl are n’t suited anyway ? ”[113-jameson] “ Look , [I]113-jameson do n’t know what ’s going on with [us]3863-us , but [I]113-jameson do know that [I]113-jameson want to be with [her]3861-this girl in the right now , and [a fucktard little kid]3864-a fucktard little kid is n’t winning and keeping [her]3861-this girl from [me]113-jameson . ”[113-jameson] “ What would happen if [you]113-jameson go over there accusing [him]3864-a fucktard little kid and going out of [your]113-jameson mind like [you]113-jameson want to ? ”[0-i] “ [She]3861-this girl ’ll kick [me]0-i out . Hands down , [I]0-i come second to [the kids]3077-the kids . Actually . . . [I]0-i probably come third after [Woofy]135-woofy . No , fourth , after [the Muff]138-muff . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sip [my]0-i beer . “ It ’s not even a question . [I]0-i do n’t even have a fucking rank . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take another sip . “ [I]0-i am rankless in [that house]3470-that house . ”[0-i] [He]1526-he smiles into [his]1526-he beer , and [we]1527-we both sit there for a moment in silence as [we]1527-we think . “ [You]0-i know , [we]1527-we would have pulled this shit when [we]1527-we were [kids]3313-kids if [Mom]123-mom tried to date [someone else]1358-someone else . Can [you]1526-he imagine what [we]1527-we would have collectively done ? ”[1526-he] “ [I]0-i guess . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh into [my]0-i beer . “ [We]1527-we ’d always conspire to get rid of [[our]1527-we governesses]3869-our governesses . [They]3869-our governesses were dropping like flies for a while there . ”[0-i] “ Then there was [Maria]169-maria . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk . “ [She]169-maria put a stop to that . ”[113-jameson] [Jameson]113-jameson chuckles . “ Hottest fucking nanny [I]0-i ever saw . . . [I]0-i wonder what ever happened to [her]169-maria ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug , and [we]1528-we sit in silence for a while as [I]0-i troll [my]0-i mind . “ Unless . . . , ”[0-i] [I]0-i murmur as a plan takes shape in [my]0-i mind . “ Unless what ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile broadly . “ Do [you]113-jameson know where there ’s [a hardware store in [New York]5-new york]3870-a hardware store in new york ? [I]0-i need a few things . ”[0-i] “ Why ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i stand with renewed determination . “ [Jameson]113-jameson . . . if [you]113-jameson ca n’t beat [them]3871-them , join [them]3871-them . ”[113-jameson] [He]113-jameson pinches the bridge of [his]113-jameson nose . “ Oh Jesus . Here [we]3872-we go . ”[113-jameson] [I]0-i wink . “ Whatever [you]113-jameson are thinking , it ’s a bad idea . ”[0-i] [I]0-i slap [him]113-jameson on the back . “ Let ’s go . [We]3872-we ’re doing this ! ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m not involved . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile broadly . “ Oh , yes [you]113-jameson are . ”[0-i] [Claire]81-claire [I]0-i drive down [the state highway]1529-the state highway with a smile on [my]0-i face . [I]0-i ’ve had a wonderful week , with lunch dates made in heaven , and [the kids]3077-the kids ’ things have been running smoothly . Well , maybe it ’s not so much that [the kids]3077-the kids are running smoothly as it is that [I]0-i ’m not stressed , and things are n’t getting to [me]0-i like [they]3077-the kids sometimes do . It ’s amazing what laughter and orgasms do for the soul . [My]0-i mind goes to [Tristan]74-tristan and the way [he]74-tristan makes [me]0-i laugh . [I]0-i ’ve never met [anyone like [him]74-tristan]1532-anyone like him before . [He]74-tristan ’s hard , handsome , and professional on the outside and playful and caring on the inside . Insanely hot right through . [I]0-i get a vision of [us]1533-us meeting throughout the week and how [he]74-tristan has ordered [my]0-i favorite food and drinks for lunch . How [he]74-tristan bought [me]0-i a shower cap so that [my]0-i hair would n’t get wet when [I]0-i showered . How [he]74-tristan pulls the drapes before [I]0-i get there because [he]74-tristan wants [me]0-i to feel comfortable in [my]0-i skin . [He]74-tristan does n’t know that [I]0-i notice these things , but [I]0-i do . How could [I]0-i not ? [He]74-tristan ’s always making sure that [I]0-i ’m taken care of . There ’s a gentle , caring side to [him]74-tristan that [I]0-i adore . [I]0-i call [Harry]141-harry , putting [my]0-i phone on speaker in [the car]371-the car . “ Hey , [Mom]3387-mom , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry says . “ Hi , [honey]3091-honey . How was [your]3091-honey day ? ”[141-harry] “ Hmm , okay , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry says . “ Can [I]141-harry go to [Justine]170-justine ’s party tomorrow night ? ”[141-harry] [I]0-i scrunch up [my]0-i face . Damn it . [Justine]170-justine is [a girl [he]141-harry knows whose parents go away every weekend and leave [her]170-justine home alone with [[her]170-justine elder sisters]1536-her elder sisters]1535-a girl he knows whose parents go away every weekend and leave her home alone with her elder sisters . The only problem is [[Justine]170-justine ’s sisters]1537-justine ’s sisters are n’t even [home]341-home most of the time . “ What ’s the party for ? ”[1537-justine ’s sisters] “ It ’s [her]170-justine birthday . [She]170-justine ’s fourteen . ”[0-i] “ Are [[her]170-justine parents]3875-her parents going to be [home]341-home ? ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry hesitates . “ Um . . . yes . ”[141-harry] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . That means no . “ [I]0-i ’ll see how [you]141-harry behave . ”[0-i] “ Can [I]141-harry , [Mom]3387-mom , please ? ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry begs . “ If [I]141-harry behave , can [I]141-harry go to the party ? ”[141-harry] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes again . “ [I]0-i ’m not bargaining with [you]141-harry to behave , [Harry]141-harry . [You]141-harry should want to behave anyway . [You]141-harry ’re thirteen , not two . ”[0-i] “ Well , can [I]0-i go ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i want [you]141-harry to clean up [the porch]912-the porch for [me]0-i . Put all the shoes back in the shoebox , and straighten things up . ”[0-i] “ Oh , [Mom]123-mom , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry moans . “ [They]3879-they are n’t even [my]141-harry shoes . [I]141-harry ’m not putting [everyone else]3594-everyone else ’s shoes away . That ’s not fair . ”[141-harry] [My]0-i anger simmers . “ Goodbye , [Harry]141-harry . ”[0-i] “ So can [I]0-i go to the party ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i narrow [my]0-i eyes . God , it would be so much easier to barter with [this kid]1040-this kid , but [I]0-i know there ’ll be alcohol at this party , and if [he]1040-this kid starts drinking and goes off the rails now at this young age , [I]0-i have absolutely no chance of reigning [him]1040-this kid back in . [He]1040-this kid ’s too strong a personality . “ [Harrison]141-harry , [you]141-harry want to be treated as [an adult]3881-an adult , but [you]141-harry act like [a baby]3882-a baby . ”[1040-this kid] “ [Mom]3387-mom , ”[1040-this kid] [he]1040-this kid moans . “ [I]1040-this kid ’m going , ”[1040-this kid] [he]1040-this kid snaps . “ Clean [the porch]912-the porch , and do [your]1040-this kid jobs , and [we]3885-we will discuss it , ”[1040-this kid] [I]0-i snap back as [I]0-i lose [my]0-i patience . “ Where ’s [Patrick]93-patrick ? ”[0-i] “ [I]1040-this kid do n’t know . Goodbye . ”[1040-this kid] [He]1040-this kid hangs up . [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . That little twerp . [He]1040-this kid drives [me]0-i mad . [I]0-i call [Patrick]93-patrick . [I]0-i had to give [him]93-patrick a phone so that [he]93-patrick could contact [me]0-i whenever [he]93-patrick wanted and so that [I]0-i could call [him]93-patrick . “ Hi , [Mama]171-mama , ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick says happily . “ Hi , [buddy]3394-buddy . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i smile . “ [I]0-i ’m on [my]0-i way [home]341-home . ”[0-i] “ Oh , okay . ”[172-nancy] “ Where are [you]93-patrick ? ”[0-i] “ [Nancy]172-nancy and [I]172-nancy are at [the park]3888-the park . ”[172-nancy] [Nancy]172-nancy , [[our]1540-our babysitter]1541-our babysitter , gets [the boys]3247-the boys off to [school]3101-school for [me]0-i in the mornings and stays until five thirty in the afternoons . [She]172-nancy works a night job , so [she]172-nancy has to leave right on time . [I]0-i ’m usually [home]341-home fifteen minutes after [she]172-nancy leaves , so it works out well . “ Okay , [darling]3709-darling , see [you]3709-darling soon . ”[0-i] “ Bye , [Mama]171-mama . Love [you]3709-darling . ”[0-i] “ Love [you]3709-darling too . Bye . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hang up and smile . [[My]0-i sweet , placid child]1545-my sweet , placid child . [I]0-i had to get one out of the three , [I]0-i suppose . Although [Fletcher]96-fletcher has really turned the corner since [he]96-fletcher started this internship , and [I]0-i hate to admit it , but [I]0-i think that [Tristan]74-tristan has had a lot to do with it . [His]96-fletcher tough love approach has worked wonders with [Fletch]145-fletch , but of course , it could just be the fact that [he]145-fletch ’s growing up too . [Fletcher]96-fletcher is [a good kid]1546-a good kid , and [his]96-fletcher only crime is that [he]96-fletcher ’s too protective of [me]0-i . To the point where if [Harry]141-harry is giving [me]0-i grief , [Fletcher]96-fletcher goes ballistic , and [I]0-i have to break [them]1547-them up from a fistfight . [Harry]141-harry , on the other hand , is an entirely different kettle of fish . [He]141-harry ’s naughty wherever [he]141-harry goes and no matter who [he]141-harry ’s with . [[His]141-harry teachers]1109-his teachers are constantly calling [me]0-i about [his]141-harry behavior , and last year [he]141-harry even nearly got expelled from [school]3101-school . [I]0-i ’ve had [him]141-harry at [therapy]1550-therapy . [I]0-i ’ve had [him]141-harry at [behavioral psychologists]1551-behavioral psychologists . [You]1552-you name it — [I’ve]0-i done it . Diet , exercise programs , no blue lights on screens . . . nothing has worked . It pains [me]0-i to admit it , but [Harry]141-harry needs [[his]141-harry dad]358-his dad . More than the other two , and [I]0-i ’m so out of [my]0-i depth that [I]0-i have no idea what to do with [him]141-harry . At this point , [my]0-i only goal is to get through each day without an all - out war . If [I]0-i can get into bed at night , and [I]0-i have n’t had a call from [school]3101-school about [him]141-harry , and [we]1555-we have n’t had a run - in , it ’s been a very good day . [I]0-i let [him]141-harry get away with a lot more than [I]0-i should , simply so that [Patrick]93-patrick and [Fletcher]96-fletcher do n’t have to put up with [his]141-harry dramatics and [my]0-i screaming . It ’s not fair to [them]1556-them to have to live with it , so [I]0-i tiptoe around [Harry]141-harry to keep the peace . It ’s not right , but at this point , it ’s all [I]0-i can do . “ Hello , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher calls as [he]96-fletcher answers the door . “ [Mom]123-mom , [Tristan]74-tristan is here . ”[96-fletcher] “ What ? ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i hear [Patrick]93-patrick call . [He]93-patrick goes running through [the house]924-the house to the door like [a maniac]1558-a maniac . “ [Tristan]74-tristan ! ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick cries in excitement . “ Hey , [buddy]3394-buddy , ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i hear [Tristan]74-tristan ’s deep voice reply . What ’s [he]74-tristan doing here ? Nerves dance in [my]0-i stomach , and [I]0-i walk out to see [Patrick]93-patrick hugging [Tristan]74-tristan ’s leg . [Fletcher]96-fletcher rolls [his]96-fletcher eyes in a “ [he]74-tristan ’s so embarrassing ”[96-fletcher] way , and [I]0-i smile at [the beautiful man before [me]0-i]1559-the beautiful man before me . “ Hi . ”[0-i] [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ Hello , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[74-tristan] The air buzzes between [us]1560-us . It ’s there again , like it is every time [we]1560-us ’re together — this feeling between [us]1560-us where [I]0-i want to take [him]74-tristan into [my]0-i arms and kiss [him]74-tristan . It does n’t feel natural being platonic . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan was made for touching . [He]74-tristan ’s wearing jeans and a T - shirt and a navy cap . [I]0-i love [him]74-tristan dressed like this , all casual and hot . “ [I]74-tristan came to watch movies with [Patrick]93-patrick , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan announces . What ? [Patrick]93-patrick ’s eyes widen in amazement . “ [You]74-tristan did ? ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick looks to [me]0-i . “ [He]74-tristan came to see [me]93-patrick , [Mom]3387-mom . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i smile at [[my]0-i baby]355-my baby ’s over - the - top excitement . “ Thank [you]93-patrick . That ’s very nice . ”[0-i] [Patrick]93-patrick grabs [Tristan]74-tristan by the hand and pulls [him]74-tristan to [the living room]1371-the living room . “ What do [you]74-tristan want to watch ? ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick gasps . “ Oh , [Mom]123-mom . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick turns to [me]0-i , and it ’s obvious [his]93-patrick little mind is going a million miles per minute . “ Do [we]3892-we have popcorn ? Can [you]74-tristan go and get some for [us]3892-we ? ”[93-patrick] [His]93-patrick eyes widen as [he]93-patrick remembers something else . “ Oh . [Tristan]74-tristan , do [you]74-tristan want pizza ? [I]93-patrick know it ’s [your]74-tristan favorite . [Mom]123-mom , can [we]3892-we have pizza , please ? ”[93-patrick] [Tristan]74-tristan messes up [Patrick]93-patrick ’s hair . “ [I]74-tristan ’ll have whatever [you]74-tristan ’re having . ”[74-tristan] [They]1563-they fall onto the couch together , and [Patrick]93-patrick sits so close [he]93-patrick ’s almost on top of [him]93-patrick . What is [he]93-patrick doing here ? It ’s Friday night . Surely [he]93-patrick has better things to do than hang out with [[my]0-i kids]617-my kids . Maybe [he]93-patrick wants to be [here]3039-here . . . excitement runs through [me]0-i . Stop it . Play it cool . [He]93-patrick ’s probably just being nice . . . so nice . “ Give [Tristan]74-tristan some room , [bubba]3893-bubba , ”[0-i] [I]0-i remind [him]93-patrick . [Patrick]93-patrick ’s face falls as [he]93-patrick realizes what [he]93-patrick ’s doing , and [he]93-patrick moves back . [Tristan]74-tristan grabs [him]93-patrick and pulls [him]93-patrick close again . “ It ’s cool . Stay close , [brother]3894-brother . ”[74-tristan] [Patrick]93-patrick smiles goofily up at [him]74-tristan , and [I]0-i bite [my]0-i lip to hide [my]0-i smile as [my]0-i heart swells . Seeing [Patrick]93-patrick with [Tristan]74-tristan is chicken soup for [my]0-i soul . So . Cute . [Harry]141-harry stomps down [the stairs]290-the stairs and stops still when [he]141-harry sees [[our]1567-our visitor]1568-our visitor . “ What are [you]141-harry doing [here]3039-here ? ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry snaps . “ [Harry]141-harry , ”[141-harry] [I]0-i warn [him]141-harry . [Tristan]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan hand up to silence [me]0-i . “ [I]74-tristan ’m here to visit [Patrick]93-patrick and [[your]93-patrick mother]3465-your mother and [Fletch]145-fletch . What are [you]141-harry doing [here]3039-here ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]141-harry live [here]3039-here , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry gasps , indignant . “ [We]3899-we ’re watching movies . Go away , [Harry]141-harry , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick barks as [he]93-patrick flicks through the channels with the remote . [Harry]141-harry glares at [Tristan]74-tristan , and [Tristan]74-tristan winks back with a smirk . “ [I]141-harry thought [[your]74-tristan car]3480-your car broke down , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry blurts . “ Oh , it ’s at [the police station]3901-the police station . ”[141-harry] “ What for ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ It turns out that [somebody]3902-somebody put sugar in the gas tank , but it ’s okay . [They]3902-somebody ’re getting the fingerprints from [the car]371-the car now that [we]3902-somebody know what is wrong . ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry stares at [him]74-tristan . [Tristan]74-tristan smiles and casually looks at [his]74-tristan watch . “ [They]3902-somebody should be making an arrest tonight sometime . ”[74-tristan] “ Oh , what are [they]3902-somebody going to do ? ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry scoffs . “ Vandalism is a crime , [Harrison]141-harry . Google the jail time . [I]141-harry ’m not making this up . ”[141-harry] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i look between [them]1569-them . What ’s going on here ? Have [I]0-i missed part of the conversation ? Oh dear God , no . . . it was n’t [Harry]141-harry , was it ? [Harry]141-harry scratches [his]141-harry head and looks around nervously . “ [Mom]123-mom . [I]141-harry . . . [I]141-harry . . . can [I]141-harry go to [[Brendan]173-brendan ’s house]3904-brendan ’s house ? ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry stammers . “ It ’s urgent . ”[141-harry] “ Okay , yes , but only for half an hour . ”[141-harry] “ Okay . ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry runs out the back , and the door slams hard behind [him]141-harry . “ Wonder what ’s wrong with [him]141-harry ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan asks . “ [I]74-tristan do n’t know . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i look out the window and see [him]141-harry run into [the garage]3397-the garage . “ [He]141-harry looks like [he]141-harry saw a ghost . ”[121-jesus] [Jesus]121-jesus . “ What do [you]93-patrick want to watch , [Tricky]174-tricky ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan asks . [Patrick]93-patrick frowns . “ Tricky ? ”[93-patrick] “ Well , [your]93-patrick name has the word trick in it . ”[74-tristan] “ [It]3905-it does ? ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick gasps . [Tristan]74-tristan frowns . “ Yes , it does . [You]93-patrick know that . ”[74-tristan] [Patrick]93-patrick ’s little face falls in disappointment that [he]93-patrick does n’t . “ [Patrick]93-patrick has dyslexia , ”[0-i] [I]0-i announce . [Tristan]74-tristan ’s face falls . “ [You]93-patrick do ? ”[74-tristan] [Patrick]93-patrick twists [his]93-patrick little hands together nervously on [his]93-patrick lap . “ [I]93-patrick ’m getting better at it . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick looks to [me]0-i . “ Are n’t [I]93-patrick , [Mom]123-mom ? ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i smile broadly . “ [You]93-patrick are , [baby]3208-baby . [I]0-i ’m so proud of how hard [you]93-patrick ’re working . ”[0-i] [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes hold [mine]0-i , and [I]0-i know [he]93-patrick wants to ask a million questions but is holding [his]93-patrick tongue . [Patrick]93-patrick taps [his]93-patrick leg and seemingly brings [him]93-patrick back to the moment . “ What do [you]93-patrick want to watch ? ”[93-patrick] “ Ahh ! ”[1571-we] [We]1571-we hear [Harry]141-harry scream from outside . [I]0-i hear something hit the side of [the house]924-the house with force . “ What in [the world]259-the world ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . [Harry]141-harry comes stomping in like [a madman]3596-a madman . [His]141-harry face is murderous . “ What ’s wrong ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ This . ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry holds up [his]141-harry skateboard . “ What about it ? ”[141-harry] “ The wheels are missing . ”[141-harry] All four wheels are missing from [his]141-harry skateboard . [Patrick]93-patrick ’s mouth falls open in horror . “ Oh no , ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick whispers . “ That ’s terrible , ”[74-tristan] says [Tristan]74-tristan casually . “ Who on earth would have been in [[your]74-tristan garage]3908-your garage , [Wizard]162-wizard ? ”[74-tristan] “ That ’s what [I]141-harry want to know , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry snaps . [He]141-harry storms back out of [the room]370-the room and out into [the yard]1575-the yard . “ When [I]141-harry find out . . . ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry calls . “ What are [we]3909-we watching ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan asks [Patrick]93-patrick . “ [Jurassic Park]37-jurassic park ? ”[74-tristan] “ One or two ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan asks . “ [I]74-tristan prefer two . ”[74-tristan] “ Okay . ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick bounces in excitement . “ [We]3909-we ’ll watch two . ”[93-patrick] “ Shall [I]0-i order pizza ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . This is turning out to be the best night ever . “ Yes , please . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan smiles . [His]74-tristan naughty eyes hold [mine]0-i , and they have that tender glow in them that [he]74-tristan gets sometimes . . . [I]0-i find [myself]0-i quite giddy . Could [this man]284-this man be any more gorgeous ? “ Would [you]74-tristan like a glass of wine ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask [him]74-tristan . “ [I]0-i wo n’t be able to drive if [I]0-i do . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i can stay on the couch , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick splutters hopefully . “ Ca n’t [he]74-tristan , [Mom]123-mom ? ”[93-patrick] “ [Tristan]74-tristan probably has somewhere better to go , [bubba]3893-bubba , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ No . [I]74-tristan ’m exactly where [I]74-tristan want to be . [I]74-tristan ’ll stay , if that ’s okay . ”[74-tristan] Hope fills [my]0-i chest . Okay . . . what the heck is going on here ? “ [You]0-i have got to be kidding [me]141-harry , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry cries from outside . [I]0-i glance to [Tristan]74-tristan and see [him]74-tristan close [his]74-tristan eyes , as if to stop [himself]74-tristan from laughing . [Harry]141-harry bursts through the door . “ The wheels of [my]141-harry bike are missing too . ”[141-harry] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ All the bikes ’ wheels are missing , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan cries . “ [Someone]3143-someone has broken into [[our]3912-our garage]3913-our garage and booby - trapped everything ! ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan yells . “ When [I]74-tristan find out who it is — ”[74-tristan] “ [You]141-harry should call [the police]337-the police , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says as [he]74-tristan raises an eyebrow at [Harry]141-harry . “ Yes . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Maybe [I]74-tristan should . ”[74-tristan] “ No , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry stammers . “ It ’s fine . [It]3143-someone will be one of [[my]74-tristan friends]3915-my friends playing a trick . [I]74-tristan ’ll find [them]3143-someone . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan takes off into [the backyard]1404-the backyard again . “ [Fletcher]96-fletcher ! ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan calls . “ Come outside and help [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan and [Patrick]93-patrick return to the television , and [I]0-i walk into [the kitchen]928-the kitchen to get [our]1579-our wine . This feels so weird having [him]74-tristan [here]3039-here . Like normal . . . “ [Claire]93-patrick , what ’s the Wi - Fi password ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan calls . “ Hang on . [I]74-tristan ’ll find it . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i rattle through the drawer and call it out . “ Do [you]74-tristan want red or white wine ? ”[0-i] “ Whatever [you]0-i ’re having , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan calls back . “ That stuff [I]74-tristan had last week was nice . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i take it out of the fridge . “ The stuff [you]74-tristan drank without permission ? ”[0-i] “ Uh - huh , that one . Went down well . ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry storms back into [the house]924-the house , the door slams , and [he]141-harry stomps back up [the stairs]290-the stairs . [I]0-i frown . What is [he]141-harry doing ? “ [I]0-i thought [you]141-harry were going to [[Brendan]173-brendan ’s house]3904-brendan ’s house ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . “ [I]141-harry ca n’t get [there]3088-there ! ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry calls angrily . “ [Someone]3143-someone took all [my]141-harry wheels . [I]141-harry ’m going to go on the PlayStation . ”[141-harry] “ Okay , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . Jeez , [I]0-i wonder who took [his]141-harry damn wheels . Great . More money that [I]0-i do n’t need to spend . [I]0-i take [our]1583-our wine and walk back into [the living room]1371-the living room to see [Patrick]93-patrick and [Tristan]74-tristan sitting together closely and watching [their]1585-their movie . [Tristan]74-tristan has kicked [his]74-tristan shoes off and has [his]74-tristan feet up on the coffee table , and [Patrick]93-patrick has done the same . [I]0-i stand at the door and watch [them]1585-their in awe . How has this happened ? [I]0-i did not expect [my]0-i Friday night to turn out like this . [He]141-harry did n’t mention anything about coming over tonight . And here [he]141-harry is , hanging with [[my]0-i kids]617-my kids and not running for [the hills]3648-the hills . Wonders never cease . [Harry]141-harry ’s door bangs open from [upstairs]3043-upstairs , and [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . God , [this kid]1040-this kid is [a fucking drama queen]1590-a fucking drama queen . “ Why is the internet not working ? ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry calls . “ [I]0-i do n’t know , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . [He]141-harry ’s really beginning to piss [me]0-i off with all this stomping around . “ Reboot it , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan calls . “ [I]74-tristan did n’t ask [you]0-i . ”[74-tristan] [His]141-harry bedroom door bangs shut again . [Patrick]93-patrick rolls [his]93-patrick eyes at [[his]93-patrick brother]918-his brother ’s dramatics . [I]0-i take a seat on the other couch and curl [my]0-i legs up underneath [me]0-i , but [I]0-i ’m not watching the movie ; [I]0-i ’m watching [these two]1592-these two together . [They]1592-these two ’re talking and discussing things like [long - lost friends]1593-long - lost friends , and [I]0-i ’m amazed at how well [they]1592-these two ’re getting on . [Harry]141-harry appears again . “ The damn internet keeps dropping out , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry yells . “ [You]141-harry ’re [a big boy]1137-a big boy , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says . “ Go fix it . ”[74-tristan] [Harry]141-harry glares at [Tristan]74-tristan and takes off again . Ten minutes later [we]1594-we hear slamming [upstairs]3043-upstairs and [Harry]141-harry yelling in frustration . “ [Harrison]141-harry , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . “ What are [you]141-harry doing up there ? ”[0-i] “ This internet , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry cries . “ It ’s so crap [I]141-harry ca n’t believe it . ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry marches down [the stairs]290-the stairs and checks the modem and walks into [the living room]1371-the living room . “ [I]141-harry ’ve had enough of this , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry cries . “ It ’s making [me]141-harry crazy . ”[141-harry] [Tristan]74-tristan watches [him]141-harry with a smile . “ What . . . is . . . so . . . funny ? ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry sneers . “ Tick . Tock , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan replies . [Harry]141-harry ’s eyes widen , and [Tristan]74-tristan winks at [him]141-harry . [I]0-i look between [the two of them]1598-the two of them ; [their]1598-the two of them eyes are locked . Huh ? “ What does that mean ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Nothing , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry snaps through gritted teeth . [He]141-harry marches [upstairs]3043-upstairs and slams the door . [Tristan]74-tristan smiles into [his]74-tristan wine and continues to watch the television , as if nothing has happened . “ What was that about ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]74-tristan have no idea ; [the wizard]3629-the wizard has gone mad , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mutters dryly . It ’s late . [Harry]141-harry and [Patrick]93-patrick are in bed , and [Tristan]74-tristan is talking to [Fletcher]96-fletcher in [[his]74-tristan room]359-his room . [They]1598-the two of them ’ve been chatting for a while . [I]0-i creep up [the hall]1414-the hall and peer through the crack of the door . [Tristan]74-tristan is lying on [Fletcher]96-fletcher ’s bed , throwing a tennis ball up in the air and catching it as [they]1598-the two of them speak . [Fletcher]96-fletcher is sitting at [his]96-fletcher desk , on the computer . “ So where did [you]96-fletcher go then ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan asks . “ Back to [[[my]74-tristan friend]3156-my friend ’s house]3922-my friend ’s house for a while . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i frown . What are [they]1598-the two of them talking about ? [I]0-i lean in closer so that [I]0-i can hear . “ So . . . Fletch . ”[0-i] [Tristan]74-tristan hesitates , as if choosing [his]74-tristan words carefully . “ [You]96-fletcher know how to put on a condom . . . right ? ”[74-tristan] What the fuck ? How dare [he]74-tristan ask that . [Fletcher]96-fletcher is nowhere near having sex . “ No , not really . ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher sighs . “ What if [I]96-fletcher fuck [it]3923-it up and do it wrong ? Can it come off midway ? ”[96-fletcher] [My]0-i eyes widen in horror . What ? “ Yeah , it can , and it ’s [your]96-fletcher responsibility to know this shit . Condoms are [the boy]3924-the boy ’s job . [You]96-fletcher need to practice before [you]96-fletcher get [there]3088-there . ”[0-i] [I]0-i put [my]0-i hand over [my]0-i mouth . Oh [my]0-i God . [[My]0-i baby]355-my baby . . . [I]0-i quickly walk down [the stairs]290-the stairs . [My]0-i ears . . . what the hell did [I]0-i just hear ? [I]0-i go to the kitchen sink and pour [myself]0-i a glass of wine and chug it down . [I]0-i do it again . [I]0-i ’m feeling overwhelmed and nervous and happy and terrified . “ Hey , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan whispers from behind [me]0-i . “ There [you]0-i are . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i turn to [him]74-tristan . “ Thank [you]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ For what ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i swallow the lump in [my]0-i throat . “ For being [here]3039-here . It means a lot . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan leans in and tenderly kisses [me]0-i . [My]0-i eyes close at the feeling of [his]74-tristan lips against [mine]0-i . [We]1604-we stare at [each other]286-each other in [the semidarkened kitchen]1606-the semidarkened kitchen . . . and [God]97-god , [I]0-i want [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i want all of [him]74-tristan . But this is wrong . . . this is [[Wade]85-wade ’s house]1607-wade ’s house . “ [I]0-i have to take a shower , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Okay . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan smiles and softly kisses [me]0-i again . [His]74-tristan kiss has just the right amount of suction , and [I]0-i feel it between [my]0-i legs . [Tristan]74-tristan being here feels special . Too special . [I]0-i push [myself]0-i off [him]74-tristan and step back , and without another word , [I]0-i rush from [the room]370-the room . Half an hour later , [I]0-i stand under the water in [my]0-i shower . Guilt is coursing through [my]0-i veins . It feels real . And [I]0-i know it ca n’t be , because [he]74-tristan is n’t [[my]0-i forever man]1609-my forever man . [[My]0-i forever man]1609-my forever man died . [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face in tears . [Wade]85-wade . [I]0-i ’m so sorry . [I]0-i have n’t thought about [[my]0-i beautiful husband]1191-my beautiful husband since [Tristan]74-tristan came back into [my]0-i life . [My]0-i nightly ritual of going through [my]0-i day in [my]0-i mind with [him]74-tristan and telling [him]74-tristan [I]0-i love [him]74-tristan has fallen by the wayside . [I]0-i ’ve lain in bed and thought about [another man]531-another man , [the same man who ’s been [downstairs]3119-downstairs with [[Wade]85-wade ’s son]1615-wade ’s son]1613-the same man who ’s been downstairs with wade ’s son . [Paris]6-paris was about fun and finding [myself]0-i again . This time it ’s different . This time it ’s a closeness , a sense of belonging , and it feels a lot like love . What kind of [a wife]1616-a wife am [I]0-i if [I]0-i can have feelings for [someone else]1358-someone else so easily ? This is [[Wade]85-wade ’s house]1607-wade ’s house ; these are [[his]85-wade sons]306-his sons . [Tristan]74-tristan should n’t be [here]3039-here . [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head in disgust with [myself]0-i . [I]0-i ’m just confused . [He]74-tristan ’s [the first man [I]0-i ’ve dated]1621-the first man i ’ve dated . . . fucked . . . what the hell are [we]1622-we even doing ? There are no boundaries . [I]0-i need boundaries . [I]0-i get a vision of [Patrick]93-patrick and [Tristan]74-tristan sitting close together on the couch , watching movies and chatting , and [my]0-i heart constricts . [Wade]85-wade would have given anything to have watched a movie with [Patrick]93-patrick , to know [him]93-patrick . To get the chance to tell [him]93-patrick that [he]93-patrick loved [him]93-patrick . [I]0-i imagine [Patrick]93-patrick and how much [he]93-patrick would have adored [[his]93-patrick father]357-his father . [They]1624-they would have been [best friends]1625-best friends . [I]0-i angrily swipe the tears away , terrified that [I]0-i wo n’t be able to stop crying when [I]0-i need to . For five years [I]0-i ’ve cried [here]3039-here . It ’s [the only place [[my]0-i kids]617-my kids ca n’t see that [I]0-i ’m not coping]1627-the only place my kids ca n’t see that i ’m not coping . When [the world]259-the world gets too much , [I]0-i go to [[my]0-i sadness sanctuary]1630-my sadness sanctuary , [the place where [I]0-i can cry alone]1631-the place where i can cry alone . [I]0-i ’ve cried buckets of tears in this shower . If the walls could talk , [they]1632-they would tell a very sad story indeed . [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes and take deep breaths , [my]0-i ritual to stop the tears . Breathe in . . . and out . Breathe in . . . and out . It ’s okay . It ’s okay . . . stop crying . Stop crying . [I]0-i shake [my]0-i hands around and wash [my]0-i face . [I]0-i wash [my]0-i hair and go through the process as [I]0-i think of other things . Other things [I]0-i can deal with ; other things do n’t hurt . Nothing could ever hurt as much as losing [him]1633-him . [My]0-i eyes fill with tears anew . Stop it . [I]0-i get out , dry [myself]0-i , and then dress in [my]0-i pajamas . [I]0-i put [my]0-i head around the corner and see that [downstairs]3119-downstairs all is in darkness . [Tristan]74-tristan would be lying on the couch down there , waiting for [me]0-i to come and say good night . [I]0-i ca n’t . [I]0-i do n’t want [him]1633-him to see [me]0-i like this . [I]0-i ’m so fragile that [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i ’m about to break . And maybe [I]0-i am . [I]0-i turn off the light , get into bed , and stare up at the ceiling as tears run down [my]0-i face and into [my]0-i ears . [I]0-i ’ve never felt so guilty before . [I]0-i ’ve never done anything to ever feel guilt . [I]0-i ’m having some kind of personal crisis , but . . . it will be better in the morning . Everything is always better in the morning . Go to sleep . [My]0-i door opens , and [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes . [I]0-i feel the bed dip . “ Hey , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan whispers . “ Where ’s [my]74-tristan good night kiss ? ”[74-tristan] The lump in [my]0-i throat is so big that [I]0-i ca n’t speak . [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face in the darkness . Please go away . [He]74-tristan leans down to kiss [me]0-i and stops . “ [You]0-i ’re crying . ”[74-tristan] “ No , [I]0-i ’m not , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper through tears . “ Hey . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan flicks the lamp on , and [his]74-tristan face falls . “ [Baby]176-baby , what ’s wrong ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [I]0-i scrunch [my]0-i lips together tight , because nothing [I]0-i say will make sense . Not even to [me]0-i . [His]74-tristan eyes search [mine]0-i . “ What is it ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head , embarrassed . “ [I]0-i ’m just getting [my]0-i period — overemotional , ”[0-i] [I]0-i lie . “ [I]74-tristan ’m sorry . It ’s nothing . [I]74-tristan get like this sometimes . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan lies down beside [me]0-i and pulls [me]0-i into [his]74-tristan arms and holds [me]0-i tight , and the kindness of the act makes [me]0-i lose it . [I]0-i scrunch [my]0-i face up in tears against [his]74-tristan chest . “ Shh , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan murmurs into [my]0-i hair . “ Are [you]0-i okay , [sweetheart]3927-sweetheart ? ”[74-tristan] This is n’t who [you]1635-you are . Stop being so fucking nice ! “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [He]74-tristan kisses [my]0-i forehead as [he]74-tristan holds [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan feels so warm and here . . . and kind . . . and loveable . . . and here . “ [I]74-tristan do n’t like [you]0-i being upset , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan murmurs . “ [I]74-tristan ’m staying here with [you]0-i . ”[74-tristan] “ No , [Tris]74-tristan . [You]74-tristan can’t — [the kids]3077-the kids . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan ’m not leaving [you]0-i upset like this , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ [Baby]176-baby , [I]74-tristan ’m fine . [I]74-tristan ’m just emotional . [Hormones]177-hormones . It sucks being [a woman]417-a woman sometimes . [I]74-tristan ’ll see [you]74-tristan in the morning ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile through tears . [He]74-tristan pushes [my]0-i hair back from [my]0-i forehead as [he]74-tristan stares down at [me]0-i . The air swirls between [us]1636-us , and [I]0-i want to blurt out why [I]0-i ’m crying . Because [I]0-i think that [I]0-i love [him]74-tristan and that [I]0-i ’m going to lose [him]74-tristan too . [He]74-tristan opens [his]74-tristan mouth , as if [he]74-tristan wants to say something , but [he]74-tristan does n’t . Unspoken words hang between [us]1636-us , a promise . . . a feeling . . . a curse . “ Good night , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile softly through tears , and [I]0-i cup [his]74-tristan face with [my]0-i hand . [I]0-i run [my]0-i thumb over [his]74-tristan stubble . “ [You]74-tristan ’re such [a beautiful man]683-a beautiful man , [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [He]74-tristan smiles . “ Those hormones are making [you]0-i crazy . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i giggle , and then [he]74-tristan bends and slowly kisses [me]0-i . The guilt comes back , and [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face in tears against [his]74-tristan . “ [Claire]93-patrick . ”[0-i] [His]74-tristan eyes search [mine]0-i . “ Talk to [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head , unable to speak . “ Good night , [Tris]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Go to bed . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn [my]0-i back on [him]74-tristan , and [he]74-tristan sits and watches [me]0-i for a while . Eventually [he]74-tristan gets up and leaves . The door clicks quietly behind [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes and whisper into the darkness , “ [I]0-i think [I]0-i love [you]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry into [my]0-i pillow , and overcome with fear [I]0-i jump up and put [my]0-i wedding rings back on . [I]0-i need to feel the safety and protection of [Wade]85-wade . . . [[my]0-i husband]3060-my husband . [I]0-i stare at the rings on [my]0-i finger and feel a familiar comfort in their weight . “ [Wade]85-wade , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Help [me]0-i . Help [me]0-i through this . Why is this hurting so badly ? ”[0-i] It ’s as if the empty feeling that hurt [my]0-i heart when [he]85-wade died is hurting again as something fills the void space . [Someone else]1358-someone else . Oh God . [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face in tears and let [myself]0-i cry . [I]0-i walk [downstairs]3119-downstairs with a spring in [my]0-i step . Daylight , and a new day . [I]0-i cried for hours last night . It was sad , lonely , and long — and , [I]0-i hate to admit it , cathartic . Something that [I]0-i needed to do . [I]0-i have n’t dealt with the possibility of dating [Tristan]74-tristan at all . It ’s been a shock to [my]0-i system having [him]74-tristan here with [[my]0-i children]602-my children , and [I]0-i have no idea what the outcome will be , but [I]0-i have begun the process of working it out . “ Morning , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [he]74-tristan comes into view . [He]74-tristan ’s stretching on the couch — just woken up , by the look of things — and [he]74-tristan smiles sleepily up at [me]0-i . “ Good morning , [Anderson]85-wade . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile . [He]74-tristan only calls [me]0-i [Anderson]85-wade when [we]1641-we are alone and [he]74-tristan ’s flirting . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i look around . “ Where are [the children]365-the children ? ”[0-i] “ Who fucking cares ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan grabs [me]0-i by the leg and tries to pull [me]0-i down on [him]74-tristan . In the process , [he]74-tristan grabs [my]0-i hand and notices something and then stops dead still . [My]0-i rings . [I]0-i forgot to take them off . Oh no . [His]74-tristan eyes flick to [mine]0-i , and then without saying a word [he]74-tristan sits up . “ [Tris]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper nervously . [He]74-tristan throws [his]74-tristan shirt over [his]74-tristan head . “ [I]74-tristan ’ve got to go . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pulls [his]74-tristan jeans up . “ Where are [you]74-tristan going ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i ask , half - panicked . “ [Home]341-home . ”[0-i] [I]0-i grab [his]74-tristan arm . “ What ’s the rush ? ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan jerks [his]74-tristan arm away from [me]0-i . [His]74-tristan hurt eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ [I]74-tristan do n’t sleep with [married women]3933-married women , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i heart drops . [He]74-tristan begins to throw [his]74-tristan things together like [a madman]3596-a madman . “ What are [you]74-tristan doing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ What does it fucking look like ? [I]0-i ’m leaving . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan sits down to put on [his]74-tristan shoes . “ [You]93-patrick know , if [you]93-patrick had those rings on the entire time , it would be different . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan rips the laces out of [his]74-tristan shoes aggressively . “ But [you]93-patrick purposely put them back on . ”[74-tristan] “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . “ [You]93-patrick ’re [a fucking liar]3934-a fucking liar , [Claire]93-patrick , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers angrily . “ [I]74-tristan ’ve never lied to [you]93-patrick . ”[74-tristan] “ What was last night ? ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes hold [his]74-tristan . “ [You]74-tristan told [me]0-i [you]74-tristan were hormonal . ”[0-i] [His]74-tristan chest rises and falls as [he]74-tristan battles to contain [his]74-tristan anger . [I]0-i look on , helpless to stop the train wreck as it happens before [my]0-i eyes . “ But [you]93-patrick were thinking about [him]74-tristan , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ [You]93-patrick were crying because [you]93-patrick were thinking about [him]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head in shame . . . it ’s true ; [I]0-i was . [He]74-tristan grabs [his]74-tristan things and storms out the door . [I]0-i hear [[his]74-tristan rented car]1643-his rented car pull out and drive down [the street]264-the street . [My]0-i heart breaks into a million pieces , and [I]0-i want to run after [him]74-tristan and beg [him]74-tristan to stay . But [I]0-i wo n’t . . . because [he]74-tristan was going to leave anyway . [I]0-i ca n’t give [him]74-tristan the life that [he]74-tristan wants . [He]74-tristan was never [mine]1645-mine to keep . [[My]0-i forever man]1609-my forever man died . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan was just on loan . Chapter 16 [Tristan]74-tristan [I]0-i exhale heavily as [I]0-i watch the numbers climb . Hurry up . Even the elevator is pissing [me]0-i off today . It ’s Monday , and after the worst weekend in history , work is the very last place [I]0-i want to be . [She]1647-she dumped [me]0-i . The doors open , and [I]0-i stride out and through [the foyer]276-the foyer . “ Morning , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say to [the girls at reception]1649-the girls at reception . [Sammia]137-sammia ’s eyes widen as [she]137-sammia looks at [me]0-i , and then [she]137-sammia bursts out laughing . “ What happened to [your]0-i hair ? ”[137-sammia] “ Bad product . ”[0-i] [I]0-i storm past . [She]137-sammia dives out of [her]137-sammia seat and follows [me]0-i up [the corridor]573-the corridor , determined to make fun of [me]0-i . “ What product is that bad ? ”[137-sammia] [I]0-i dump [my]0-i briefcase on [my]0-i desk , and [I]0-i take off [my]0-i jacket . “ The one [I]0-i used , apparently . Now if [you]137-sammia do n’t mind . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i gesture to the door . [She]137-sammia sits on the corner of [my]0-i desk . “ How was [your]0-i weekend ? ”[137-sammia] [she]137-sammia asks . [I]0-i sit down and turn [my]0-i computer on . “ [Ordinary]178-ordinary . [Yours]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ Great . [I]137-sammia had the most romantic weekend of all time , ”[137-sammia] [she]137-sammia gushes . [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Do n’t [you]0-i want to hear what [I]137-sammia did ? ”[137-sammia] [she]137-sammia asks . “ No . [I]137-sammia ’m in an extremely bad mood , and it will be in [your]137-sammia best interest not to talk to [me]137-sammia for the rest of the year . [I]137-sammia ’m bad company . ”[137-sammia] “ [I]137-sammia seriously doubt that , ”[137-sammia] [she]137-sammia says as [she]137-sammia watches [me]0-i . “ Do [you]0-i need coffee ? ”[137-sammia] “ Yes , please . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hit [my]0-i keyboard with force . [She]137-sammia walks to the door and turns back , eyeing [me]0-i carefully . “ Are [you]0-i okay ? ”[137-sammia] [I]0-i type [my]0-i code in . “ Of course [I]0-i am , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [I]0-i ’m always okay . ”[0-i] [She]137-sammia gives [me]0-i a stifled smile and disappears out the door . Two minutes later , [Fletcher]96-fletcher appears at the door and says , “ Hey . ”[96-fletcher] “ Hey , [Fletch]145-fletch . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i sigh as [I]0-i gesture to the chair at [my]0-i desk . [He]96-fletcher walks in and takes a seat . “ How was [your]96-fletcher date ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i read through [my]0-i emails . “ Pretty good . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes flick to [him]96-fletcher . “ How good ? ”[0-i] “ Not that good . ”[0-i] “ [Fletcher]96-fletcher . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn back to [my]0-i emails . “ Ignore [my]96-fletcher previous advice about stepping up to the challenge . Stay the hell away from [women]410-women altogether . [They]410-women ’re more trouble than [they]410-women ’re worth . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher frowns . “ Why ’s that ? ”[96-fletcher] “ [They]410-women just are . ”[0-i] [I]0-i bash [my]0-i keyboard again . “ Trust [me]0-i on this one . ”[0-i] “ What do [you]0-i want [me]96-fletcher to do today ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher asks . “ [We]3936-we have meetings across [town]3684-town all afternoon . If [you]96-fletcher can , get started on the preparation for those , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ Read through the minutes from the last meetings with [these particular clients]3938-these particular clients . [I]0-i want [you]96-fletcher to know what ’s going on when [we]3936-we get [there]3088-there . ”[0-i] “ Okay , sure thing . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher gets up and walks to the door and turns back to [me]0-i . “ Do [you]96-fletcher know what ’s wrong with [Mom]123-mom ? ”[96-fletcher] [My]0-i eyes rise to meet [his]96-fletcher . “ Why do [you]96-fletcher ask ? ”[96-fletcher] “ Because [she]1651-her sat on [the balcony]281-the balcony and stared into space for nine hours straight yesterday . ”[0-i] [My]0-i stomach drops . [I]0-i hate the thought of [her]1651-her upset . “ [I]0-i think [she]1651-her ’s missing [[your]96-fletcher dad]3941-your dad , [buddy]3394-buddy . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . [He]96-fletcher nods . “ Yeah , probably . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher shrugs . “ Okay , [I]96-fletcher ’ll get started . ”[96-fletcher] “ Thanks . ”[0-i] [I]0-i go back to [my]0-i emails and stare at the screen . [My]0-i mind goes back to Friday night . There [I]0-i was , sleeping alone on [[her]1651-her cement lounge]1652-her cement lounge , pining to hold [her]1651-her in [my]0-i arms . And [she]1651-her was missing [him]96-fletcher . [My]0-i stomach twists in regret , because [I]0-i know that no matter what happens between [Claire]93-patrick and [me]0-i . . . [I]0-i will never come first . [Everyone]382-everyone will always come before [me]0-i . And it should n’t upset [me]0-i . . . but it does . All [my]0-i life [I]0-i ’ve been prepared to do a job that [not many people]1654-not many people could handle . [I]0-i take over [companies]1655-companies and destroy [them]1655-companies — take what is n’t mine . [I]0-i hate that it applies to [her]1651-her too . [She]1651-her will always be [[Wade Anderson]85-wade ’s wife]1656-wade anderson ’s wife . [I]0-i let [myself]0-i become too attached to [her]1651-her . From the moment [I]0-i left [Paris]6-paris , all [I]0-i have thought about is [her]1651-her . [I]0-i ’ve chased [her]1651-her , [I]0-i ’ve called [her]1651-her , [I]0-i ’ve booked [hotel rooms]1657-hotel rooms and begged to see [her]1651-her every lunch hour , [I]0-i ’ve gone to [[her]1651-her house]3500-her house and put up with shit from [[her]1651-her children]1059-her children . And for the first time ever since [I]0-i ’ve been dating , [I]0-i ’ve done everything [I]0-i could to try to make [someone]3143-someone happy . And [she]1651-her was missing [him]3143-someone . [I]0-i feel stupid , but worst of all , for the first time , [I]0-i feel hurt . [I]0-i do n’t like it . [Sammia]137-sammia appears with a big slice of chocolate cake on a plate and a cup of coffee . “ Here [we]3943-we go . ”[137-sammia] [She]137-sammia smiles sweetly . “ Sugar for the fuzzy bear . ”[137-sammia] [She]137-sammia messes up [my]0-i hair , and [I]0-i swat [her]137-sammia away . “ [I]0-i am not a fuzzy bear , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap , annoyed . “ Have [you]137-sammia seen a mirror , [Tris]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] “ Should n’t [you]137-sammia be doing something right now ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ [You]137-sammia know , like working ? ”[137-sammia] [She]137-sammia giggles . “ Now there ’s a thought . ”[137-sammia] “ [Sammia]137-sammia , ”[113-jameson] [we]1661-we hear [Jameson]113-jameson ’s voice call from reception . “ Where are [you]137-sammia ? ”[113-jameson] [She]137-sammia sighs , and [I]0-i smile into [my]0-i coffee cup . [Sammia]137-sammia is [[Jameson]113-jameson ’s PA]3601-jameson ’s pa , and [he]3601-jameson ’s pa ’s [a taskmaster]1663-a taskmaster . [He]3601-jameson ’s pa arrives at the door and breaks into a broad smile when [he]3601-jameson ’s pa sees [me]0-i . “ For Christ ’s sake , [Sammia]137-sammia , book [him]3601-jameson ’s pa into [a fucking barbershop]3944-a fucking barbershop today , please . ”[3601-jameson ’s pa] “ Fuck off . It ’s not that bad , ”[0-i] [I]0-i huff . “ It ’s appalling . Have [you]137-sammia looked at [yourself]137-sammia ? ”[3601-jameson ’s pa] [he]3601-jameson ’s pa scoffs . “ Yes , but [I]0-i can get a haircut , and [you]137-sammia ’re still ugly . Both of [you]137-sammia , get out of [[my]0-i office]298-my office , ”[0-i] [I]0-i demand . [Sammia]137-sammia laughs , and [they]1664-they both disappear down [the corridor]573-the corridor . [I]0-i walk into [the bathroom]584-the bathroom and peer into the mirror . [My]0-i hair is the consistency of cotton wool and standing on end . “ Fuck this , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [I]0-i wet [my]0-i fingers and pull them through [my]0-i hair as [I]0-i try to control it . [I]0-i go back to [my]0-i desk and buzz [Sammia]137-sammia . “ Hi , ”[137-sammia] [she]137-sammia answers . “ Can [you]0-i book [me]137-sammia in with [a barber]3946-a barber , please ? ”[137-sammia] “ Already done . Twelve forty - five at [Max]179-max ’s on Sixth . ”[0-i] “ What would [I]0-i do without [you]137-sammia , [Sam]180-samuel ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Probably call [[your]137-sammia own personal assistant]3947-your own personal assistant . ”[0-i] [I]0-i lean back in [my]0-i chair and smile . “ And if [you]137-sammia did n’t have a habit of making [them]3948-them all fall in love with [you]137-sammia , [Tris]74-tristan , [they]3948-them could be on this floor instead of [downstairs]3119-downstairs , and [I]0-i would n’t have to do all [your]137-sammia crap . ”[0-i] “ Stop with the dramatics . [You]137-sammia love [my]93-patrick crap . Addicted to it , actually . ”[93-patrick] “ [I]0-i am . Got to go . [[Your]137-sammia brother]3950-your brother is on the rampage . ”[0-i] [I]0-i chuckle and hang up . Now , where was [I]0-i ? Oh , that ’s right . . . back to feeling like shit and swearing off [women]410-women for all of eternity . This is fucked . [Claire]93-patrick [I]0-i sit at [my]0-i desk and stare into space . [I]0-i keep seeing [Tristan]74-tristan ’s face and the way it fell when [he]74-tristan saw the wedding rings on [my]0-i finger . [I]0-i ’m sad , but [I]0-i do n’t know how to get around this . [I]0-i understand why [Tristan]74-tristan is hurt about [my]0-i rings , and [I]0-i did n’t mean to leave them on . But then , on the other hand , how can [I]0-i feel guilty for wanting to wear [my]0-i wedding rings ? [He]74-tristan was [[my]0-i husband]3060-my husband ; it ’s [my]0-i right to put them on when [I]0-i ’m upset . Is it necessary ? No . Is it calming for [me]0-i ? Most definitely yes . Is it selfish when [you]1669-you ’re seeing [someone else]1358-someone else ? Probably . But it is what it is . [I]0-i want to call [him]74-tristan , but [I]0-i do n’t know what to say , because [I]0-i do n’t feel like [I]0-i should apologize for feeling guilty for falling in love with [him]74-tristan . Falling in love with [him]74-tristan . . . God , can [you]1669-you hear [yourself]1669-you , [Claire]93-patrick ? Am [I]0-i really in love with [Tristan Miles]74-tristan ? Or am [I]0-i in love with the happiness that [he]74-tristan brings [me]0-i and the way that [he]74-tristan makes [me]0-i feel ? But then . . . is n’t that the same thing anyway ? And why would [you]1669-you let [yourself]1669-you fall for [someone]3143-someone when [you]1669-you already know that it is going to end soon ? Is it ? Of course it is . [I]0-i ca n’t let [[my]0-i boys]1672-my boys become attached to [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i ca n’t risk [them]1672-my boys being hurt again . [I]0-i ca n’t lose [another person [I]0-i love]1673-another person i love . . . [I]0-i would n’t survive it . [I]0-i keep going around and around in [my]0-i head and always end up at the same place . [I]0-i want [Tristan]74-tristan . [I]0-i ’m scared of [Tristan]74-tristan . [I]0-i put [my]0-i head into [my]0-i hands on [my]0-i desk . [I]0-i ’m so confused . [I]0-i pace back and forth in [[my]0-i office]298-my office . [I]0-i ’m sure [I]0-i ’ve worn a threadbare trail in the carpet . This week has been a complete write - off . It ’s Thursday , and [I]0-i ’ve achieved nothing but an ulcer in [my]0-i stomach from worrying . [Tristan]74-tristan has n’t called [me]0-i once , and [he]74-tristan ’s not going to . If [I]0-i want this , [I]0-i know it ’s up to [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan ’s not chasing [me]0-i this time . Back and forth [I]0-i walk . For some reason , [I]0-i feel like today it ’s all coming to a head . [I]0-i ca n’t put it off any longer . [I]0-i need to call [him]74-tristan so [I]0-i know where [we]1675-we stand . All this uncertainty is making [me]0-i sick . [I]0-i can lie to [the world]259-the world all [I]0-i want , but [I]0-i ca n’t lie to [myself]0-i . [I]0-i like being with [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i nervously dial [his]74-tristan number . It begins to ring , and [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes . “ Please pick up . ”[0-i] “ Hello , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan snaps in a clipped tone . [I]0-i can hear the anger in [his]74-tristan voice . “ Hi , [Tris]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ Hello , [Claire]93-patrick . Yes , what is it ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . [He]74-tristan ’s not going to make this easy . [I]0-i should have known that . “ Can [I]0-i see [you]74-tristan , please ? ”[0-i] “ No , that wo n’t be necessary . ”[74-tristan] “ [Tris]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ Please . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan stays silent . “ [We]3951-we really need to talk . [I]74-tristan ’ve had the most terrible week without [you]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] Silence . “ Can [you]74-tristan book [[our]3951-we hotel room]3952-our hotel room ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask hopefully . “ [I]74-tristan ’m not sneaking around with [a married woman]3953-a married woman , [Claire]93-patrick , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan fires back . “ No , [baby]3208-baby , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i whisper in a moment of weakness . “ [I]0-i ’m not married . [I]0-i ’m missing [you]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan inhales sharply . That ’s the first time [I]0-i ’ve shown [him]74-tristan any semblance of emotion . Damn it , and it was over the phone . “ Please , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [We]3955-we really need to talk . ”[0-i] “ Fine , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan snaps . “ One o’clock . ”[74-tristan] “ Okay . ”[0-i] Excitement runs through [me]0-i . “ [I]0-i ’ll see [you]74-tristan then . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hang up and smile . For the first time in five days , [I]0-i have hope . [I]0-i nervously walk into [the foyer]276-the foyer just around one o’clock . [I]0-i left work early so [I]0-i would n’t be late , and [I]0-i walk over to [[our]1678-our usual meeting spot]1679-our usual meeting spot by [the elevator]571-the elevator . [Tristan]74-tristan comes out of [the restaurant]269-the restaurant . “ [Claire]93-patrick . ”[74-tristan] “ Hi . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan ’ve got [us]1678-our a table in [the restaurant]269-the restaurant . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan ’s had a haircut , but [he]74-tristan ’s still as sexy as hell . [He]74-tristan turns and walks back into [the restaurant]269-the restaurant without waiting for [me]0-i . [No room]1683-no room . “ Okay . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i follow [him]74-tristan over to a table by the window , and [he]74-tristan waits to push in [my]0-i chair — even when severely pissed , [he]74-tristan has to use [his]74-tristan manners . It ’s so intrinsic to [him]74-tristan that [he]74-tristan would n’t even realize [he]74-tristan ’s doing it . [I]0-i nervously sit down and wait for [him]74-tristan to do the same . [He]74-tristan pours two glasses of water and calls [the waiter]277-the waiter over . “ Can [we]3957-we have some menus , please ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan looks at [his]74-tristan watch . “ [We]3957-we ’ll have to be out of [here]3039-here in forty - five minutes , as [I]74-tristan have a meeting . Make that happen , please . ”[74-tristan] “ Yes , [sir]3836-sir . ”[277-the waiter] [The waiter]277-the waiter takes off in a hurry . [Nerves]181-nerves dance in [my]0-i stomach as [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan . [[My]0-i Tris]1686-my tris is n’t here . [I]0-i ’m dealing with [[Tristan]74-tristan Miles the takeover king in all [his]74-tristan glory]1687-tristan miles the takeover king in all his glory . [He]74-tristan steeples [his]74-tristan hands under [his]74-tristan chin as [his]74-tristan eyes come to [me]0-i . “ Hi . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile . “ [I]0-i already said hello . What do [you]74-tristan want , [Claire]93-patrick ? ”[0-i] “ Will [you]74-tristan stop ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Stop what ? ”[0-i] “ Stop being aggressive . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i am not being aggressive . What have [I]0-i said that ’s aggressive ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . Maybe this was a bad idea . “ [I]74-tristan wanted to talk about Saturday morning . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan watches [me]0-i , [his]74-tristan hands under [his]74-tristan chin , [his]74-tristan pointer finger running up the side of [his]74-tristan face . [My]0-i eyes drop down to the hella expensive watch on [his]74-tristan wrist , a reminder of how different [we]1688-we really are . “ What about it ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks . “ The way [you]0-i left . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]0-i left because [you]0-i lied to [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [Tris]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [I]0-i lean over and take [his]74-tristan hand across the table . “ [You]0-i have to understand that grief is a weird thing . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause as [I]0-i try to articulate [my]0-i feelings . “ [I]0-i can be fine and going along smoothly , and then something simple will bring up a memory , like . . . [I]0-i can hear a song , and it will flip a switch , and [I]0-i ’m instantly taken back . It feels so recent and so raw that [I]0-i can barely breathe . It breaks [me]0-i . [I]0-i have no warning that it ’s about to happen , and [I]0-i ca n’t stop it when it does . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan scratches the back of [his]74-tristan head in frustration . “ What has this got to do with [me]74-tristan ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i squeeze [his]74-tristan hand in [mine]0-i . “ [I]0-i was upset on Friday night because . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause . “ Because why ? ”[0-i] “ Because [I]74-tristan realized [I]74-tristan have feelings for [you]74-tristan . [I]74-tristan was n’t crying tears of grief , [Tristan]74-tristan . [I]74-tristan was crying tears of guilt . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i . [I]0-i feel stupid admitting this . It ’s been five years — [I]0-i should have healed by now . [My]0-i eyes well . “ [I]0-i thought [we]3960-we were just fucking , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [He]74-tristan frowns and leans forward . “ [Claire]93-patrick . . . [I]74-tristan ’ve never just fucked [you]93-patrick . Never once have [we]3960-we just fucked , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [I]0-i blink , trying to get rid of these stupid tears . [I]0-i wipe them away angrily . “ [Tris]74-tristan , [I]0-i just do n’t . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause , trying to work out how to say what [I]0-i have to say . “ [You]74-tristan do n’t what ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i know that [we]3960-we have an expiration date . ”[0-i] “ Why ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan frowns . “ Why would [you]74-tristan say that ? ”[74-tristan] “ Because [you]74-tristan told [me]0-i [yourself]74-tristan that all of [your]74-tristan relationships have an expiry date . ”[0-i] [I]0-i give [him]74-tristan a sad smile . “ And besides , [you]74-tristan are young and — ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i are only four years older than [me]74-tristan , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers angrily . “ Do n’t use that as an excuse . ”[74-tristan] “ [You]0-i will want [a family]3425-a family of [your]0-i own soon . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i are only thirty - eight , [Claire]93-patrick . [You]0-i could give [me]74-tristan [[my]74-tristan own children]3962-my own children , if that ’s what [we]3963-we decided . [We]3963-we could make it work , all of [us]3963-we together . ”[74-tristan] What ? [My]0-i face falls in shock . “ [You]0-i ’ve thought about this ? ”[0-i] “ Of course [I]74-tristan ’ve fucking thought about this , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan snaps . “ [I]74-tristan would n’t be pursuing this if [I]74-tristan did n’t see a future . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan , lost for words . “ [Claire]93-patrick , [you]93-patrick need to talk to [me]0-i . Right now . This is the time , because [I]0-i ’m just about to fucking walk out of [your]93-patrick life . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan , and [I]0-i know that [I]0-i need to be honest about [my]0-i feelings . The time for playing is over . This is something . [I]0-i did n’t imagine it at all . “ [Tris]74-tristan . There are three other hearts connected to [mine]0-i . If [you]93-patrick leave [me]0-i . . . [you]93-patrick leave [them]602-my children . ”[0-i] [Our]1689-our eyes are locked . “ And [I]0-i do n’t know if [I]0-i could risk [them]602-my children ever losing . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i scrunch up [my]0-i face at the thought of [[my]0-i children]602-my children going through another heartbreak . “ [They]602-my children would n’t survive it . [They]602-my children are already broken , [Tristan]74-tristan . [[My]0-i sons]442-my sons are damaged . ”[0-i] “ What are [you]1691-i saying ? ”[1691-i] [he]1691-i asks . “ [I]1691-i ’m saying [you]0-i need to think about this . ”[1691-i] “ [Claire]93-patrick , [I]0-i make important decisions every day . Decisions worth millions of dollars . [I]0-i am not flippant nor easily distracted . [I]0-i ’ve been with [a lot of [women]410-women]3965-a lot of women , and this thing with [you]93-patrick — it is n’t going away . It ’s only getting stronger , and [I]0-i know what [I]0-i want . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes search [his]1691-i . “ What ’s that ? ”[0-i] “ [I]1691-i want [you]93-patrick , [Claire]93-patrick . From the moment [I]1691-i left [Paris]6-paris , [I]1691-i have wanted [you]93-patrick . ”[1691-i] Hope blooms in [my]0-i chest . “ [I]1691-i went away and thought about [my]1691-i preconceived ideas and what being with [you]93-patrick means . [Nobody else]850-nobody else interests [me]1691-i in the slightest , and sure . . . ”[1691-i] [He]1691-i pauses . “ [I]1691-i ’ll admit it — [the boys]3247-the boys freaked [me]1691-i out at first . . . and [I]1691-i did n’t handle that too well . But then [I]1691-i realized that [they]3247-the boys are a part of [you]93-patrick , and if [I]1691-i want [you]93-patrick , [I]1691-i have to want [them]3247-the boys . [I]1691-i have a long way to go with [them]1692-them , but [we]3969-we ’ll get there eventually . ”[1691-i] [I]0-i remember how fast [he]1691-i ran out the first day [he]1691-i met [them]1692-them . It was like a comedy skit , only worse . [He]1691-i takes [my]0-i hand . “ [Claire]93-patrick . When [I]1691-i ’m with [you]93-patrick , [I]1691-i do n’t want to be anywhere else . [I]1691-i would rather sleep on [[your]93-patrick lounge]3970-your lounge than be alone at [[my]1691-i apartment]3971-my apartment . ”[1691-i] [I]0-i listen . “ Because [I]0-i ’m close to [you]93-patrick . . . and . . . . [I]0-i ’m close to [them]602-my children . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes well with tears once more at the mention of [[my]0-i children]602-my children . [He]1691-i gets it . “ [I]1691-i want to try , ”[1691-i] [he]1691-i whispers . “ [I]1691-i want to try the proper relationship thing — [girlfriend]3110-girlfriend , [kids]3313-kids , house in [the suburbs]3152-the suburbs , and the mangy animals . ”[1691-i] [I]0-i smile over at [the dreamy man sitting in front of [me]0-i]1694-the dreamy man sitting in front of me . “ [I]0-i ’m a lot to take on , [Tris]74-tristan . ”[0-i] “ [Claire]93-patrick . ”[1691-i] [He]1691-i pauses , as if searching for the right words . “ The way [you]93-patrick make [me]1691-i feel is worth anything , ”[1691-i] [he]1691-i whispers . [We]1695-we stare at [each other]286-each other . The air swirls between [us]1695-we , and [God]97-god , if [I]0-i did n’t love [this man]284-this man before , [I]0-i just might now . “ Are [you]93-patrick sure ? [You]93-patrick ’re sure ? ”[1691-i] [He]1691-i rolls [his]1691-i eyes . “ Positive . ”[1691-i] “ And [you]1691-i ’ll tell [me]0-i straightaway if things change ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Because [I]0-i completely understand if it all gets too much . [I]0-i would never want [you]1691-i to stay if [you]1691-i did n’t want to . ”[0-i] “ [You]1691-i have [my]0-i word . ”[0-i] [I]0-i think on this for a moment . [I]0-i had made plans in case it all worked out . “ [We]3975-we need some time alone to work this out . [I]0-i ’m going to come and stay in [New York]5-new york with [you]1691-i for the weekend , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . [He]1691-i frowns . “ How ? ”[1691-i] “ [The kids]3077-the kids can go to [[my]1691-i parents]3977-my parents ’ for the weekend . But [Fletcher]96-fletcher will need to take Monday off , if that ’s okay . ”[1691-i] [He]1691-i comes around to [my]0-i side of the table . “ [He]96-fletcher can take the whole fucking week off . ”[1691-i] [He]1691-i kisses [me]0-i , and it ’s soft and tender . [I]0-i feel [myself]0-i melt against [him]1691-i . [We]1698-we hug and hold [each other]286-each other tight . “ [I]0-i ’ve missed [you]1691-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [He]1691-i nips [my]0-i bottom lip with [his]1691-i teeth , and [I]0-i smile against [him]1691-i . “ [You]1691-i ’re going to pay for putting [me]1691-i through this shit . ”[1691-i] “ [I]0-i ca n’t wait , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Do [you]1691-i really have a meeting ? ”[0-i] “ Fuck it — unfortunately yes . ”[0-i] [My]0-i Uber pulls to a halt , and [I]0-i pay [the driver]376-the driver and get out as [I]0-i peer up at [the building in front of [me]0-i]1701-the building in front of me . [Tristan]74-tristan wanted [[his]74-tristan driver]1702-his driver to come and collect [me]0-i , but [I]0-i did n’t want to make a fuss . It was easy getting [here]3039-here . “ Hello . . . [Ms. Anderson]182-anderson ? ”[0-i] a voice from behind [me]0-i says . [I]0-i turn in surprise . “ Yes ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m [Calvin]133-calvin , [[Tristan]74-tristan ’s driver]3978-tristan ’s driver . [We]3979-we met last month , on [your]0-i arrival from [Paris]6-paris . [He]74-tristan asked [me]0-i to meet [you]0-i and let [you]0-i into [[his]74-tristan apartment]3980-his apartment . [He]74-tristan ’s been held up in a meeting . ”[0-i] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i grip [my]0-i overnight bag with white - knuckle force . Why am [I]0-i so nervous ? “ Of course . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ Thank [you]1704-he . ”[0-i] “ Can [I]1704-he take [your]1704-he bag for [you]1704-he ? ”[1704-he] “ No , thank [you]1704-he . [I]1704-he ’ve got it . ”[1704-he] [He]1704-he nods with a kind smile . “ Very well . ”[1704-he] [He]1704-he leads [me]0-i in through [the fancy foyer]1705-the fancy foyer , and [we]1706-we get into [the elevator]571-the elevator . [He]1704-he pushes the number fourteen . [I]0-i do n’t know what to say , so [I]0-i say nothing at all . How many women has [he]1704-he shown up to [[Tristan]74-tristan ’s apartment]1708-tristan ’s apartment in the past ? Stop it . Why would that even cross [my]0-i mind ? And why would [I]0-i let it bother [me]0-i anyway ? [Everyone]382-everyone has a past , even [me]0-i . [We]1706-we ride in silence to [the fourteenth floor]1710-the fourteenth floor , and the doors open . [I]0-i follow [him]1704-he down [the wide , glamorous corridor]1711-the wide , glamorous corridor , and [he]1704-he passes [me]0-i a key . “ This is [the apartment]827-the apartment . ”[1704-he] [He]1704-he opens the door with [his]1704-he own key and stands back to let [me]0-i in . “ Will [you]1704-he be needing anything else , [Ms. Anderson]182-anderson ? ”[1704-he] “ No . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile awkwardly . It ’s been a long time since [I]0-i ’ve been called Ms. “ Thank [you]0-i . ”[1704-he] [He]1704-he turns to walk down [the corridor]573-the corridor . “ Oh , [Calvin]133-calvin ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Yes . ”[1704-he] [He]1704-he turns back toward [me]0-i . “ Did [Tristan]74-tristan say how long [he]74-tristan would be ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]0-i ’m going back to [[his]74-tristan office]1161-his office now to collect [him]74-tristan , and in this traffic , [he]74-tristan ’ll be another hour . ”[0-i] “ Okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . Good — that gives [me]0-i enough time for a shower . “ Thanks . ”[0-i] [I]0-i walk in and close the door , and [I]0-i look around . [I]0-i scratch the back of [my]0-i neck in confusion . “ Holy shit , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . For five minutes [my]0-i eyes drink in the visual sensation . [Tristan]74-tristan ’s words from lunch come back to [me]0-i : “ [I]74-tristan would rather sleep on [[your]0-i cement lounge]3983-your cement lounge than be alone in [[my]74-tristan apartment]3971-my apartment . ”[74-tristan] “ [[You]74-tristan poor , stupid man]3985-you poor , stupid man , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper out loud . “ What could be better than here ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i drop [my]0-i bag off [my]0-i shoulder with a thud . [The apartment]827-the apartment is gigantic . [[My]0-i house]3381-my house would fit in [here]3039-here four times . [It]3381-my house ’s [an old warehouse that ’s been converted]1716-an old warehouse that ’s been converted . [The perimeter]1717-the perimeter has huge glass windows , the floor is polished concrete , and [the place]838-the place has a super - trendy industrial vibe . Huge colorful rugs soften the floor , and the walls have colorful abstract art everywhere . The furniture is modern and minimalistic . “ Wow . ”[0-i] [I]0-i walk through [the living area]927-the living area . [It]927-the living area has a huge slouchy navy couch . A three - seater and a two - seater and two one - seaters . A big chunky timber coffee table in the middle , and a gigantic television . [I]0-i walk through to [the kitchen]928-the kitchen — chunky timber and metal . [An island]1721-an island sits in the middle with stools around [it]1721-an island . [I]0-i count them — nine in total . [I]0-i look to the dining table and see that it seats eighteen . [God]97-god , nine stools and eighteen chairs . How many [friends]3356-friends does [he]1723-he have over for dinner at once ? [I]0-i open the fridge and am surprised to see that it is fully stocked with healthy food . Hmm , [he]1723-he must cook . Hell , [I]0-i really do n’t know [him]1723-he at all , do [I]0-i ? [I]0-i walk down [the hallway]3666-the hallway , past [an office]1725-an office , [a gymnasium]1726-a gymnasium , [another living area]1727-another living area , [a bathroom]1728-a bathroom . Then finally [a bedroom]1729-a bedroom , [another bedroom]1730-another bedroom , [another bedroom]1730-another bedroom . What the hell ? How many [bedrooms]1732-bedrooms are there ? [Another bedroom]1730-another bedroom , and then [I]0-i get to two big double doors that open into [the master suite]1734-the master suite . [My]0-i eyes widen , and [I]0-i break into a stupid giggle . [[[My]0-i kids]617-my kids ’ bedrooms]1736-my kids ’ bedrooms would fit into [[his]1723-he walk - in closet]1737-his walk - in closet . Rows of expensive suits and shoes are all lined up . Everything is neat and in rows . [It]1738-it looks like [a high - end men ’s boutique]1739-a high - end men ’s boutique . [The bedroom]1740-the bedroom walls are dark navy , the linen and furniture are white , and a huge pop art abstract is on the wall in hot pinks . Huge palms tower in big white pots , and it looks just like a magazine . [I]0-i run [my]0-i hand through the leaves of the palm as [I]0-i look around . “ Wow , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper out loud . “ Very impressive , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[0-i] [I]0-i peek into [the bathroom]584-the bathroom to see [it]584-the bathroom ’s in a white stone ; [it]584-the bathroom ’s huge , with a circular bathtub sitting in the center . “ Just fucking wow . ”[0-i] [I]0-i walk back out to [the foyer]276-the foyer and collect [my]0-i bag in a rush . “ Now to make [myself]0-i utterly irresistible . ”[0-i] [I]0-i raise [my]0-i eyebrows at the challenge . “ Like that ’s possible . ”[0-i] [I]0-i lie back in the deep bath . [The room]370-the room is steamy , the water is hot , and [my]0-i glass of champagne is ice cold . Now this . . . is living . Starting [my]0-i weekend away with a bang . [I]0-i mean , how could [I]0-i resist ? [I]0-i put [my]0-i feet up on the end of the bathtub and slide deep into the water with a relaxed smile . From the corner of [my]0-i eye [I]0-i see something , and [I]0-i look up to see [Tristan]74-tristan . [His]74-tristan hands are in the pockets of [his]74-tristan expensive suit , and [he]74-tristan ’s leaning up against the doorjamb as [he]74-tristan watches [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a slow , sexy smile . “ [Anderson]182-anderson . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile and slide down a little deeper into the water . “ [You]182-anderson ’re late . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan jerks [his]74-tristan tie hard as [he]74-tristan pushes off the door toward [me]0-i . “ And [you]0-i look spectacular in [[my]74-tristan bathtub]3986-my bathtub . ”[74-tristan] “ Are [you]74-tristan getting in ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]74-tristan smiles darkly as [he]74-tristan tears [his]74-tristan jacket over [his]74-tristan shoulders . “ [I]74-tristan am most definitely . . . getting in . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan begins to unbutton [his]74-tristan shirt . [I]0-i giggle . “ [Dirty bastard]3987-dirty bastard . ”[0-i] “ At [your]0-i service . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan throws [his]74-tristan shirt to the side , and [my]0-i stomach flutters at the sight of [his]74-tristan chest . Wide and muscular , with a scattering of dark hair that dwindles down to a small trail that disappears into [his]74-tristan pants . [I]0-i smile into [my]0-i glass of champagne as [I]0-i watch . This is one hell of a strip show . [He]74-tristan slides [his]74-tristan zipper down , and [my]0-i breath catches as [I]0-i see that [his]74-tristan cock is hard and sitting up above the waistband of [his]74-tristan black briefs . [He]74-tristan ’s hard from watching [me]0-i . What universe is this ? [He]74-tristan kicks off [his]74-tristan shoes and socks and slides [his]74-tristan trousers down in one sharp movement , and [I]0-i giggle like [a schoolgirl]1744-a schoolgirl . “ What is that laugh ? [I]0-i ’ve never heard [you]74-tristan do that before . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile bashfully , embarrassed that [he]74-tristan caught that . “ Is that a rain giggle ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks with a raised brow as [he]74-tristan steps into the water . [I]0-i frown . “ Rain giggle ? ”[0-i] “ [You]74-tristan know , the one [you]74-tristan do before [you]74-tristan get dripping wet ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i laugh out loud . “ [[You]74-tristan idiot]3207-you idiot , ”[0-i] [I]0-i scoff . “ [I]0-i ’m in a bath . [I]0-i am dripping wet . ”[0-i] [His]74-tristan eyes dance with delight . “ Admit it , [Anderson]182-anderson — [some places]3989-some places are wetter than others . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sits down and pulls [me]0-i over [him]74-tristan as the water sloshes over the side and onto the floor . [I]0-i laugh . For the first time in a long time , [I]0-i feel so wild and free . [My]0-i legs straddle [his]74-tristan , and [his]74-tristan fingers slide through [my]0-i open sex . [He]74-tristan ’s completely right . [I]0-i ’m so fucking wet right now . [His]74-tristan eyes are locked on [mine]0-i as [he]74-tristan slowly circles [his]74-tristan fingers through [my]0-i sex . “ Now this is how [you]0-i should greet [me]74-tristan every day . Naked and wet . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i mouth falls open . Oh God , that feels good . [We]1745-we stare at [each other]286-each other as [I]0-i float above [him]74-tristan . It ’s as if [we]1745-we have both been waiting to touch [each other]286-each other all week , and [we]1745-we ca n’t control [ourselves]1745-we any longer . Conversation is irrelevant when [we]1745-we are naked together . [Our]1745-we bodies speak for [us]1745-we . [He]74-tristan slowly slides a finger in , then two , and [I]0-i wince as [he]74-tristan pushes a third thick finger deep into [my]0-i sex . [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan mouth to [my]0-i ear . “ [I]74-tristan want [you]0-i to fuck [my]74-tristan hand , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ [You]0-i clench hard , and [you]0-i fuck [my]74-tristan fingers , [Anderson]182-anderson . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i eyes roll back in [my]0-i head . God , [his]74-tristan dirty talk fries [my]0-i brain . [I]0-i could come just by listening to [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i begin to rock , and [his]74-tristan eyes flicker with darkness . A sensuality runs between [us]1748-us . It ’s dark and uninhibited , and for the first time since [we]1748-us ’ve been together , [I]0-i want to let go of all control . [I]0-i want to be owned . [[My]0-i Tristan]1749-my tristan . [I]0-i rock hard , and [he]74-tristan clenches [his]74-tristan jaw as [he]74-tristan watches [me]0-i , salivating as [he]74-tristan waits for [his]74-tristan turn . [My]0-i eyes close , and [I]0-i tip [my]0-i head back in ecstasy . “ So good , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whimper . “ So . Fucking . Good . ”[0-i] [His]74-tristan bites [my]0-i neck hard as [he]74-tristan loses control . [Our]1748-us bodies writhe together in pleasure , the water sloshing like a water rapid . “ Condom , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ No condom , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i stammer . “ [I]0-i ’m on the pill . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan stops still . [His]74-tristan gaze meets [mine]0-i , and [his]74-tristan eyes darken . [I]0-i can see the moment [he]74-tristan loses control . “ Get on [my]74-tristan fucking cock . ”[74-tristan] In one quick movement [he]74-tristan lifts [me]0-i and impales [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan ’s deep , thick , and hard , and [I]0-i cry out at [his]74-tristan possession . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whimper . [His]74-tristan hands go to [my]0-i hip bones , and [he]74-tristan begins to slide [me]0-i up and over [his]74-tristan body . [Our]1750-our eyes are locked . [Our]1750-our jaws hang slack . The feeling is overwhelmingly good . Too good . [I]0-i ca n’t hold it . “ [I]0-i ’m going to come , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whimper . [He]74-tristan slams [me]0-i down hard . “ Do n’t [you]0-i fucking dare , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan growls . [My]0-i knees are up around [his]74-tristan shoulders , and [his]74-tristan body slams into [me]0-i deep . . . so deep . “ [Anderson]182-anderson , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan snaps to try to bring [me]0-i back to the here and now . [I]0-i begin to shudder , and [he]74-tristan clenches [his]74-tristan jaw to try to stop it , but there ’s no chance ; it ’s too good to stop . [Our]1750-our movements are nearly violent , and the water is sloshing everywhere . So big . . . so , so deep . [His]74-tristan eyes roll back in [his]74-tristan head , and [he]74-tristan slams [me]0-i hard . [I]0-i cry out , and [he]74-tristan holds [himself]74-tristan close . [I]0-i feel the telling jerk as [he]74-tristan comes inside [my]0-i body . [His]74-tristan cock quivers deep inside of [me]0-i . . . so , so good to have [his]74-tristan semen fill [me]0-i . Perfection . [I]0-i see stars . Perfect colored stars , in every shade of wonderful . [I]0-i fall against [his]74-tristan chest , and [he]74-tristan holds [me]0-i tight . [We]1750-our pant as [we]1750-our cling to [each other]286-each other . “ So much for [me]74-tristan playing hard to get , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ [You]0-i were playing easy to fuck . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile against [his]74-tristan chest . [He]74-tristan chuckles . “ Yeah , [I]74-tristan ’m good at that game . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile . “ [The master]3990-the master . ”[74-tristan] Two hours later [I]0-i am crumpled and sleepy in [Tristan]74-tristan ’s bed . That was one hell of a sex session . [He]74-tristan fucked [me]0-i every which way — so good that [I]0-i ’m in an orgasm - induced stupor . [His]74-tristan hand roams up and over [my]0-i hip , and [he]74-tristan kisses the side of [my]0-i face . “ [I]74-tristan ’m going to get [us]3991-us some dinner . ”[74-tristan] “ Hmm . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile dreamily with [my]0-i eyes closed . “ [I]74-tristan had planned on cooking , but [I]74-tristan seriously ca n’t be fucked , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan murmurs . “ [I]74-tristan ’ll get [us]3991-us some takeaway . [I]74-tristan ’m starving . ”[74-tristan] “ Hmm . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i again and pulls [me]0-i close and holds [me]0-i tight . [I]0-i smile at the feeling of [him]74-tristan up against [my]0-i body . “ Back soon . ”[0-i] [I]0-i come to [my]0-i senses , and [I]0-i sit up on [my]0-i elbow . “ Wait , where are [you]74-tristan going ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’ll walk around [the corner]3679-the corner . There ’s a strip of [restaurants]362-restaurants . What do [you]74-tristan feel like ? ”[0-i] “ Umm . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i try to wake [myself]0-i up . “ Do [you]74-tristan want [me]0-i to come ? ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i do n’t have to . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan climbs out of bed . [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan dress , and [I]0-i know [I]0-i really should make an effort . “ Get [me]74-tristan some clothes , and [I]74-tristan ’ll come . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan walks into [[his]74-tristan closet]1752-his closet and retrieves a pair of [his]74-tristan shorts and a baggy sweater . [He]74-tristan throws them on top of [me]0-i , and they hit [my]0-i head . “ Not those . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ [My]0-i clothes . ”[0-i] “ No , [I]74-tristan ’m not going looking for [your]0-i clothes . [We]3994-we ’re going around [the corner]3679-the corner for two minutes . Throw them on . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan grabs [my]0-i hand and pulls [me]0-i out of bed . [He]74-tristan yanks the sweater over [my]0-i head , and [I]0-i bend and pull the baggy gray Nike basketball shorts on . [I]0-i grab [my]0-i elastic band and pull [my]0-i hair up into a messy bun . [I]0-i look a complete disaster , and [I]0-i put [my]0-i arms out wide . “ Still want to be [[my]74-tristan boyfriend]3996-my boyfriend ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan looks [me]0-i up and down and smiles mischievously . “ Come to think of it . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i giggle as [he]74-tristan takes [me]0-i into [his]74-tristan arms . [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i as [I]0-i wrap [my]0-i arms around [his]74-tristan neck . “ [I]74-tristan like having [you]0-i here , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers as [he]74-tristan holds [me]0-i close . “ [I]74-tristan like being here . ”[74-tristan] [Our]1753-we lips touch , and [I]0-i smile . “ Impersonating [you]0-i could be [my]74-tristan new hobby . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan chuckles as [he]74-tristan pulls [me]0-i by the hand . “ [I]74-tristan ’m fucking starving , [woman]3081-woman . ”[74-tristan] [We]1753-we ride [the elevator]571-the elevator [downstairs]3119-downstairs , and luckily [nobody]3093-nobody is in [the foyer]276-the foyer . [I]0-i glance down at [myself]0-i and cringe . Oh [my]0-i God , [I]0-i look appalling . [He]74-tristan takes [my]0-i hand , and [we]1753-we walk out onto [the street]264-the street . So different to where [I]0-i live . [I]0-i catch sight of [our]1753-we reflection in the window , and [I]0-i have to bite [my]0-i lip to stop [my]0-i huge goofy smile . [We]1753-we are holding hands in public . [We]1753-we ’re really going to try this relationship thing . Is this happening ? [We]1753-we turn the corner , and [my]0-i eyes widen in horror . “ Oh no , [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [The street]264-the street is busy and bustling . “ [I]74-tristan look ridiculous . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan arm around [me]0-i and pulls [me]0-i close . “ Shut up , [Anderson]182-anderson . [You]0-i look beautiful to [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [my]0-i temple , and [I]0-i smile against [him]74-tristan . “ Just fucked — suits [you]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile up at [[my]0-i handsome date]1760-my handsome date . [He]74-tristan makes [me]0-i feel beautiful . Never once since [we]1761-we ’ve been together have [I]0-i ever felt uncomfortable in [my]0-i skin with [him]74-tristan . Everything between [us]1761-we just feels so organic and natural . “ What do [you]0-i feel like , [babe]3682-babe ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks as [he]74-tristan looks along [the street]264-the street . “ Whatever . [I]74-tristan like all food . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile . [He]74-tristan leads [me]0-i farther down [the street]264-the street . [The restaurants]1764-the restaurants are all trendy and hip . [Beautiful people]1765-beautiful people are everywhere . “ [Thai]183-thai ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks . “ Uh - huh . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i shrug . “ Sounds good . ”[0-i] [We]1761-we go in , and [he]74-tristan orders . [The foyer]276-the foyer is packed with [people]406-people , so [we]1761-we go back out on [the street]264-the street to wait . [He]74-tristan is standing behind [me]0-i with [his]74-tristan arm around [my]0-i neck , and [we]1761-we hear , “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [We]1761-we both turn to see [a beautiful blonde woman]1769-a beautiful blonde woman . [She]1769-a beautiful blonde woman ’s wearing a tight black leather skirt that sits just above [her]1769-a beautiful blonde woman knees with sky - high stilettos and a fitted hot - pink top . [Her]1769-a beautiful blonde woman perfect blonde hair is styled to perfection , and [I]0-i think [she]1769-a beautiful blonde woman just might be [the most gorgeous woman [I]0-i ’ve ever seen]1770-the most gorgeous woman i ’ve ever seen . [He]74-tristan smiles broadly . “ [Melina]184-melina , hi . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [her]1769-a beautiful blonde woman on the cheek as [I]0-i stand back . [Her]1769-a beautiful blonde woman eyes come to [me]0-i , and [she]1769-a beautiful blonde woman looks [me]0-i up and down . “ [Melina]184-melina , meet [Claire]93-patrick , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan introduces [me]0-i . “ [[My]74-tristan girlfriend]3999-my girlfriend . ”[74-tristan] Oh shit , [he]74-tristan ’s telling [people]406-people already ? Ca n’t [I]0-i at least get used to it [myself]0-i first ? [Her]1769-a beautiful blonde woman mouth drops open as [she]1769-a beautiful blonde woman stares at [me]0-i . After a beat , [she]1769-a beautiful blonde woman remembers [her]1769-a beautiful blonde woman manners and puts [her]1769-a beautiful blonde woman hand out . “ Hi , [I]1769-a beautiful blonde woman ’m [Melina]184-melina . . . [the ex - girlfriend]4000-the ex - girlfriend . ”[1769-a beautiful blonde woman] Oh fuck . The blood drains out of [my]0-i face . [I]0-i look like shit . [Her]1769-a beautiful blonde woman attention goes to [Tristan]74-tristan . “ [I]1769-a beautiful blonde woman did n’t know [you]74-tristan were seeing [anyone]393-anyone . ”[1769-a beautiful blonde woman] “ Yes . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan smiles and puts [his]74-tristan arm around [my]0-i shoulders and pulls [me]0-i close . “ [Claire]93-patrick and [I]74-tristan have been together for a couple of months , very happy . How are [you]74-tristan doing ? Are [you]74-tristan seeing [anyone]393-anyone ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i just want [the earth]1772-the earth to swallow [me]0-i up . . . this is [[his]74-tristan ex - girlfriend]1773-his ex - girlfriend . . . what the actual fuck does [he]74-tristan see in [me]0-i ? [Her]1773-his ex - girlfriend eyes come back to [me]0-i , and [I]0-i can see [she]1773-his ex - girlfriend ’s thinking the exact same thing . “ No , still processing things . ”[1773-his ex - girlfriend] [Her]1773-his ex - girlfriend eyes turn back to [Tristan]74-tristan . “ [I]1773-his ex - girlfriend have n’t seen [you]74-tristan out in a long time . ”[1773-his ex - girlfriend] “ No , [I]74-tristan have n’t been out . [I]74-tristan spend a lot of time at [[Claire]93-patrick ’s on [Long Island]10-long island]4003-claire ’s on long island , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan lies . [I]0-i do n’t know what ’s going on here , but [I]0-i feel like [he]74-tristan ’s giving [her]1773-his ex - girlfriend a message of some sort . “ [Long Island]10-long island . ”[74-tristan] [She]1773-his ex - girlfriend frowns as [she]1773-his ex - girlfriend looks between [us]1774-us . “ Yeah , well , [Claire]93-patrick ’s got [kids]3313-kids , so it ’s good for [them]3313-kids out there . ”[1773-his ex - girlfriend] [Her]1773-his ex - girlfriend eyes widen in horror . “ [You]74-tristan have [kids]3313-kids ? ”[1773-his ex - girlfriend] Oh hell , please earth . . . swallow [me]0-i up . “ Yes . ”[1773-his ex - girlfriend] [I]0-i fake a smile . “ [Three boys]3075-three boys . ”[1773-his ex - girlfriend] [Her]1773-his ex - girlfriend eyes go back to [Tristan]74-tristan in question . “ [[Your]74-tristan mother]3465-your mother did n’t mention any of this to [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles casually . “ Yeah , well , it ’s a bit awkward for poor [Mom]123-mom to be in the middle . [You]74-tristan probably should start cutting ties with [her]123-mom . ”[74-tristan] Oh . . . realization hits . [She]1773-his ex - girlfriend wants [him]74-tristan back and has been best friends with [[his]74-tristan mother]3642-his mother to try to weasel back in . [She]1773-his ex - girlfriend blinks , as if not able to believe what [he]74-tristan has just said . Awkward . “ [I]0-i ’m going to check on [our]4008-our order . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ Lovely to meet [you]74-tristan , [Melina]184-melina . ”[0-i] “ Likewise , ”[1773-his ex - girlfriend] [she]1773-his ex - girlfriend says deadpan . “ [I]74-tristan ’m coming , [babe]3682-babe , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says as [he]74-tristan grabs [my]0-i hand . “ Bye , [Melina]184-melina . Lovely to see [you]184-melina . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [her]1773-his ex - girlfriend on the cheek . [I]0-i walk into [the restaurant]269-the restaurant , and [he]74-tristan comes in and stands behind [me]0-i and puts [his]74-tristan arms around [my]0-i neck . [I]0-i glance over to see [Melina]184-melina stopped still on [the street]264-the street , staring at [us]1778-us through the window . “ Jesus , [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Sorry , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan murmurs into [my]0-i hair . “ [I]74-tristan had to be rude . [We]1778-us broke up six months ago , and [she]184-melina ’s still calling [[my]74-tristan mother]762-my mother three times a week for coffee dates . Pisses [me]74-tristan off . ”[74-tristan] [She]184-melina turns and walks up [the street]264-the street , and [my]0-i stomach drops in pity for [her]184-melina . “ [She]184-melina ’s beautiful . ”[184-melina] “ [She]184-melina is , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan replies . “ Why did n’t it work out with [her]184-melina ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , distracted by [her]184-melina beauty . [He]74-tristan kisses [my]0-i temple and holds [his]74-tristan cheek to [mine]0-i . “ Because [she]184-melina was n’t [you]0-i . ”[74-tristan] Chapter 17 [I]0-i wake slowly . [The room]370-the room is semidark , and it feels weird not hearing a lawn mower . The faint sound of traffic in the background is almost relaxing . [I]0-i look over to [the man sleeping beside [me]0-i]1781-the man sleeping beside me . [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me ’s on [his]1781-the man sleeping beside me back . [His]1781-the man sleeping beside me dark hair and olive skin are a striking contrast to the crisp white linen , and [his]1781-the man sleeping beside me thick black lashes flutter , as if [he]1781-the man sleeping beside me ’s dreaming . [His]1781-the man sleeping beside me pouty big red lips softly part as [he]1781-the man sleeping beside me inhales . [I]0-i ’ve never been with such [a beautiful - looking man]1782-a beautiful - looking man before . Everything about [him]1781-the man sleeping beside me is out of a catalog . Tall , dark , and handsome . A rippled and naturally athletic body . . . but it ’s what ’s inside that calls to [me]0-i . Underneath the fancy wrapping and the Miles Media surname . . . is [a beautiful , gentle soul]1783-a beautiful , gentle soul . [The man inside of this perfect body]1784-the man inside of this perfect body is who [I]0-i want . The rest of [him]1781-the man sleeping beside me is just window dressing . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i inhale deeply with hope . This is a revelation . [I]0-i ’ve found [a man who ticks every box]1785-a man who ticks every box , and okay , there may be some issues with [[my]0-i children]602-my children , but would n’t [I]0-i have that with [any man [I]0-i meet]1787-any man i meet ? [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me wants to try , and God damn it , [I]0-i ’m giving it [my]0-i best go . [I]0-i run the backs of [my]0-i fingers through the hair on [his]1781-the man sleeping beside me lower stomach that leads down to [his]1781-the man sleeping beside me pubic hair . The power of touch . [I]0-i never knew how much [I]0-i needed it , craved it . And now that [we]1788-we ’ve acknowledged that what ’s between [us]1788-we is more , [I]0-i can hardly keep [my]0-i needy hands off [him]1781-the man sleeping beside me . [Mine]1789-mine . [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me ’s looking forward to the future , and for the first time in a long time . . . so am [I.]0-i [His]1781-the man sleeping beside me eyes slowly open on a deep inhale , and [I]0-i smile over at [him]1781-the man sleeping beside me . “ Morning . ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me pulls [me]0-i close and holds [me]0-i tight . “ [Anderson]182-anderson , [you]182-anderson ’re like a fucking rooster . Why are [you]182-anderson awake so early ? ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] “ Just admiring the view . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i kiss [his]1781-the man sleeping beside me chest . [His]1781-the man sleeping beside me naked skin up against [mine]0-i is warm and hard . . . perfect . [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me pulls out of [my]0-i arms and gets up and goes into [the bathroom]584-the bathroom , and [I]0-i lie in bed wearing a stupid smile . [I]0-i ca n’t wipe it off [my]0-i face . After a while [he]1781-the man sleeping beside me comes back and lies on [his]1781-the man sleeping beside me side , facing [me]0-i . [His]1781-the man sleeping beside me eyes are still sleepy , and it ’s obvious [he]1781-the man sleeping beside me was n’t ready to wake yet . “ What ? ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [he]1781-the man sleeping beside me mumbles . “ Nothing . . . feeling happy . ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me smiles sleepily . [His]1781-the man sleeping beside me eyes drift back closed . [I]0-i lean up onto [my]0-i elbow and stare over at [him]1781-the man sleeping beside me . “ How many [women]410-women have [you]1781-the man sleeping beside me slept with , [Tris]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] “ Too many to admit to , ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [he]1781-the man sleeping beside me replies , eyes still closed . “ Oh . ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [I]0-i think for a moment . What does that mean ? How many is too many to admit to ? Jeez . “ [You]1781-the man sleeping beside me wore a condom , though , right ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Yes , [Anderson]182-anderson , [I]0-i wore a condom . [You]182-anderson do n’t have an STD . Go back to sleep . ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i lips to hide [my]0-i smile . “ [You]1781-the man sleeping beside me . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i try to articulate what [I]0-i want to say . “ [You]1781-the man sleeping beside me did n’t wear a condom with [[your]1781-the man sleeping beside me girlfriends]3339-your girlfriends , though , did [you]1781-the man sleeping beside me ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , [I]1781-the man sleeping beside me did , actually . ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me shrugs . “ Well , not [[my]1781-the man sleeping beside me second girlfriend]4013-my second girlfriend , but [she]1791-this second girlfriend was [the only one apart from [you]0-i]4014-the only one apart from you . ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me has spoken of [this second girlfriend]1791-this second girlfriend before . “ [You]1781-the man sleeping beside me loved [her]1791-this second girlfriend a lot , did n’t [you]1781-the man sleeping beside me ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Is this a Saturday morning or [a Spanish fucking Inquisition]4015-a spanish fucking inquisition ? ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [he]1781-the man sleeping beside me mutters dryly . [I]0-i giggle . “ [I]1781-the man sleeping beside me want to get to know [you]1781-the man sleeping beside me . [I]1781-the man sleeping beside me ’m going to ask [you]1781-the man sleeping beside me questions all day long . ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] “ Hmm . ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me frowns , unimpressed , eyes still closed . “ [You]1781-the man sleeping beside me ask [me]0-i a question now , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ This is how [we]4016-we learn about [each other]286-each other . ”[0-i] [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me reaches over , drags [my]0-i body to [his]1781-the man sleeping beside me , and kisses [my]0-i forehead . “ [I]1781-the man sleeping beside me do n’t care what happened to [you]0-i before [me]1781-the man sleeping beside me . [I]1781-the man sleeping beside me only care about [us]4016-we . ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me pulls [me]0-i tighter and kisses [my]0-i temple again . “ Go back to sleep , [Anderson]182-anderson , ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [he]1781-the man sleeping beside me murmurs , eyes still closed . [I]0-i smile . [I]0-i love [him]1781-the man sleeping beside me like this . All sleepy and docile . “ [I]0-i ’m not tired . [You]0-i go back to sleep . [I]0-i ’ll keep watching [you]0-i like [a stalker]4018-a stalker . ”[0-i] “ Hmm . ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me snuggles back into [his]1781-the man sleeping beside me pillow , unfazed by [my]0-i comment . “ [You]1781-the man sleeping beside me ’re [a weird person]4019-a weird person . ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [I]0-i lean up onto [my]0-i elbow again and smile at [the resting god in front of [me]0-i]1792-the resting god in front of me . [I]0-i ’m not even joking ; [I]0-i would pay good money to watch this spectacular blanket show . “ It ’s okay , [Tris]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [I]0-i ’ve only ever murdered [two men]4020-two men in [their]4020-two men sleep before . [You]1781-the man sleeping beside me ’re completely safe . ”[0-i] [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me opens one eye . “ The fact that that even crosses [your]1781-the man sleeping beside me mind to say is somewhat concerning , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [I]0-i smile mischievously . “ Shh , go to sleep , [baby]3208-baby . . . nighty night . ”[0-i] [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me smirks , realizing that [I]0-i ’m not going to let [him]1781-the man sleeping beside me go back to sleep . [He]1781-the man sleeping beside me flicks the blankets back , exposing [his]1781-the man sleeping beside me naked body . “ [I]1781-the man sleeping beside me suppose [you]0-i can help [yourself]0-i , ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [he]1781-the man sleeping beside me huffs , as if [I]0-i am an inconvenience . “ [I]1781-the man sleeping beside me am sleeping through it , though . Do n’t expect any input from [me]1781-the man sleeping beside me . ”[1781-the man sleeping beside me] [I]0-i laugh and kiss [his]1781-the man sleeping beside me chest as [I]0-i work [my]0-i way down [his]1781-the man sleeping beside me body toward [his]1781-the man sleeping beside me dick . “ Yes , [dear]3179-dear , whatever [you]3179-dear say . ”[0-i] [We]1793-we walk into [the restaurant]269-the restaurant hand in hand . It ’s nine o’clock on Saturday night , and [we]1793-we ’re only just going out for dinner in [trendy downtown [Manhattan]38-manhattan]1795-trendy downtown manhattan . What is this ulterior cool universe ? [I]0-i ’m usually tucked up in bed about now , too exhausted to even read . [I]0-i ’ve been thinking about it , and [I]0-i ’ve come to the conclusion that when [most people]1796-most people begin to see [each other]286-each other , it ’s a date and then a sweet goodbye . Casual at first , and maybe after a while a sleepover once in a while . It ’s slow and even tempered , and it builds over time . [Tristan]74-tristan and [I]0-i have done it all backward . [Our]1793-we first meeting was a fight ; then out of the blue [he]1781-the man sleeping beside me asked [me]0-i out . [We]1793-we met at a conference , had two hookups , then spent an entire weekend together . Then [we]1793-we did n’t see [each other]286-each other for six weeks , had another fight in [[his]1781-the man sleeping beside me office]1161-his office — this time , over [[my]0-i son]1115-my son . Reconnected , had a week of mind - blowing lunchtime sex and another sleepover on [my]0-i couch , had another fight , then did n’t see [each other]286-each other for another week , and now [we]1793-we are spending an entire weekend together again . It seems like [we]1793-we are all or nothing , but this time is different . . . [we]1793-we made a promise to [each other]286-each other of a possible tomorrow . Being here in [New York]5-new york with [him]1781-the man sleeping beside me has been perfect . [We]1793-we had a lazy morning , and [he]1781-the man sleeping beside me made [me]0-i breakfast . Then [we]1793-we went for a walk and had lunch in a café on [the edge of [a park]1804-a park]1803-the edge of a park and read the papers . [We]1793-we ’ve laughed and talked and kissed like [schoolkids]1805-schoolkids , made love , and had a late - afternoon sleep from which [we]1793-we did n’t even wake up until seven o’clock . No rushing , no timeline to adhere to with [the kids]3077-the kids , nothing to cook or clean , nothing to wash , and nowhere [we]1793-we had to be . [We]1793-we could just be [us]1793-we , together . It ’s been a perfect Saturday . [Tristan]74-tristan leads [me]0-i into [the restaurant]269-the restaurant by the hand . “ Hello , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles , ”[74-tristan] says [the man at reception]1808-the man at reception . “ Hello , [Bill]185-bill , ”[1808-the man at reception] [he]1808-the man at reception replies . [Tristan]74-tristan casually glances over at [me]0-i , and [our]1793-we eyes lock . [He]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a sexy wink . [My]0-i heart somersaults in [my]0-i chest , and [I]0-i bite [my]0-i bottom lip to stifle [my]0-i over - the - top smile . It ’s the strangest feeling . It ’s like a heavy dark cloud has been lifted , and happiness is literally beaming out of [me]0-i . [I]0-i can feel [myself]0-i glowing . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan makes [me]0-i happy . . . deliriously happy . [We]1809-we follow [the waiter]277-the waiter as [he]277-the waiter leads [us]1809-we through [the restaurant]269-the restaurant to a table for two in the back corner . [The restaurant]269-the restaurant is small and darkened , and candlelight flickers on all of the tables . [The waiter]277-the waiter pulls out [my]0-i chair , and [we]1809-we both sit down . “ Can [I]277-the waiter get [you]0-i something to drink ? ”[277-the waiter] [he]277-the waiter asks . [Tristan]74-tristan opens the wine list . “ What do [you]0-i want , [babe]3682-babe ? ”[277-the waiter] [he]277-the waiter asks , distracted . “ [I]0-i ’m easy , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply as [I]0-i go through the choices . Anything will be good , if [I]0-i ’m honest . “ [Red]186-red ? ”[0-i] “ Uh - huh . ”[277-the waiter] “ [I]277-the waiter ’ll have a bottle of the Malbec , please . ”[277-the waiter] [He]277-the waiter closes the menu . “ Excellent choice , [sir]3836-sir . [We]4025-we have a batch from [France]9-france . ”[277-the waiter] “ Thank [you]277-the waiter . ”[277-the waiter] [He]277-the waiter smiles as [he]277-the waiter passes the menu back . [The waiter]277-the waiter walks off , and [Tristan]74-tristan ’s attention comes back to [me]0-i . “ [You]277-the waiter come [here]3039-here often ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]277-the waiter shrugs . “ [I]277-the waiter used to . Mainly only now when [[my]277-the waiter brother]530-my brother [Elliot]127-elliot is in [town]3684-town . [Nocello]39-nocello is [one of [[our]4030-our favorite restaurants in [Manhattan]38-manhattan]4031-our favorite restaurants in manhattan]4029-one of our favorite restaurants in manhattan . [I]277-the waiter used to be [here]3039-here a lot more than [I]277-the waiter am now . ”[277-the waiter] [I]0-i smile over at [him]277-the waiter . “ [You]277-the waiter ’re close to [Elliot]127-elliot ? ”[277-the waiter] “ Yeah , [he]127-elliot ’s in [town]3684-town this weekend , actually . ”[277-the waiter] “ [He]127-elliot is ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , surprised . “ [He]127-elliot and [Christopher]128-christopher have flown in for an art auction that ’s on tomorrow night . [I]0-i was going to talk to [you]277-the waiter about it , actually . Do [you]277-the waiter want to go ? ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes widen . “ [They]4034-they flew in from [London]40-london just for an art auction ? ”[0-i] “ Yeah , ”[277-the waiter] [he]277-the waiter replies casually . “ [They]4034-they fly around [the world]259-the world for art auctions . [Elliot]127-elliot is into collecting art . [He]127-elliot has a very impressive portfolio , actually . [He]127-elliot started collecting back when [we]1816-our were [kids]3313-kids . ”[277-the waiter] “ How do [you]277-the waiter start collecting art when [you]277-the waiter are [a kid]3487-a kid ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . [The waiter]277-the waiter returns to the table with [our]1816-our bottle of wine . [He]277-the waiter pops the cork and pours a little into a glass . [He]277-the waiter hands it to [Tristan]74-tristan , who takes a sip and swooshes it around [his]74-tristan mouth like the snob that [he]74-tristan is . “ Hmm . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan rolls [his]74-tristan lips . “ That ’s lovely . Thank [you]0-i . ”[277-the waiter] [The waiter]277-the waiter then fills [our]1816-our glasses as [I]0-i smirk over at [[my]0-i rich boy]1818-my rich boy . [He]1818-my rich boy comes from [another world than [mine]0-i]1819-another world than mine . If [I]0-i ever doubted it before , [I]0-i know it now . [The waiter]277-the waiter leaves [us]1816-our alone , and [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes meet [mine]0-i . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] “ Nothing . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile dreamily over at [him]74-tristan . “ Carry on with [your]74-tristan story . How in the hell does [someone]3143-someone begin to collect art as [a child]3292-a child ? ”[0-i] “ Oh . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan breaks into a breathtaking smile . “ [He]74-tristan bought a picture from a yard sale with [his]74-tristan allowance when [he]74-tristan was fourteen , and it ended up being very valuable . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i listen intently . “ Back in college , [he]74-tristan would go to [the art facility]4040-the art facility and buy paintings from [the art students]4041-the art students . [He]74-tristan still has them all in storage . [He]74-tristan has a real eye for evolving talent . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan sips [his]74-tristan wine , as if [he]74-tristan has this conversation every day . “ And [Christopher]128-christopher ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [He]74-tristan ’s into art too ? ”[0-i] “ No , [he]74-tristan ’s just [[Elliot]127-elliot ’s art wingman]4042-elliot ’s art wingman . [He]74-tristan likes the thrill of the auctions . It ’s a game to [him]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile into [my]0-i wineglass . [I]0-i love hearing the dynamics of [[his]74-tristan family]1821-his family . “ This auction tomorrow night is a big one . ”[0-i] “ Why is that ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ [Elliot]127-elliot is obsessed with [this artist]4043-this artist , has all [her]4043-this artist paintings that have gone up for auction . ”[0-i] “ Who is [she]4043-this artist ? ”[0-i] “ [We]4044-we have no idea ; [her]4043-this artist name is [Harriet Boucher]187-harriet boucher . [She]4043-this artist ’s [an older recluse]4045-an older recluse , apparently . [We]4044-we have searched and searched for [this woman]848-this woman . [She]4043-this artist ’s been the topic of many a drinking session . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i imagine [them]1822-them stalking [a reclusive artist]1823-a reclusive artist . “ And [you]0-i think [I]1824-his ’m [a weird person]4019-a weird person . ”[1824-his] [He]1824-his chuckles and sips [his]1824-his wine . “ [I]1824-his suppose it does seem weird from the outside . ”[1824-his] “ So how . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause because [I]0-i do n’t know how to articulate what [I]0-i want to say . “ How what ? ”[0-i] “ How was it decided what [each of [[you]1824-his boys]3580-you boys]4048-each of you boys would do in [the company]3076-the company ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ Like how were the positions given to each of [you]1824-his ? ”[0-i] [He]1824-his frowns and sips [his]1824-his drink , contemplating [his]1824-his answer . “ [I]1824-his guess it was based on what [we]4051-we are individually good at . ”[1824-his] [I]0-i listen . “ [Jameson]113-jameson is good at control . [He]113-jameson is very . . . ”[1824-his] [His]1824-his voice trails off . “ [You]0-i will meet [him]113-jameson next weekend . ”[1824-his] “ When ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . Oh God . [I]0-i ’m already dreading meeting [that man]3170-that man . “ [We]4051-we have an industry cocktail party . [I]0-i want [you]0-i to come and meet [[my]0-i family]4052-my family . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile “ Great , ”[0-i] [I]0-i lie . Fuck , what will [I]0-i wear ? [I]0-i sip [my]0-i drink as [I]0-i internally begin to go through [my]0-i wardrobe . Nope , [I]0-i have nothing . . . [I]0-i ’ll have to buy something new . [God]97-god , [I]0-i hate shopping . “ [Elliot]127-elliot is into the graphics of [the company]3076-the company . [He]127-elliot oversees the visual representation of all things [Miles]127-elliot . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ [Christopher]128-christopher manages human resources . [He]128-christopher likes [people]406-people . [Managing staff]4055-managing staff is [his]128-christopher thing . ”[0-i] “ And [you]1826-he ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ What about [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ How did [you]1826-he get to do the acquisitions ? ”[1826-he] [He]1826-he smiles into [his]1826-he wineglass . “ [I]1826-he ’m good at numbers and taking calculated risks . ”[1826-he] [I]0-i listen , fascinated . “ Meaning what ? ”[0-i] “ Well , [I]0-i can look at [a company]3104-a company and [its]3104-a company figures and do a due diligence report , and from that [I]0-i know whether [the company]3076-the company is worth anything moving forward . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i know , now that [I]1826-he know [you]0-i , [I]1826-he ca n’t imagine [you]0-i — and do n’t take this the wrong way — destroying [companies]1655-companies . ”[1826-he] [He]1826-he gives [me]0-i a sad smile ; [his]1826-he eyes hold [mine]0-i , and understanding dawns on [me]0-i . On [our]1827-our first night together , [he]1826-he told [me]0-i that [he]1826-he has insecurities , but just because [I]0-i ca n’t see them does n’t mean [they]1828-they are n’t [there]3088-there . This is [his]1826-he insecurity . [He]1826-he ’s [a good guy]1830-a good guy doing a job [he]1826-he ’s not proud of . [I]0-i get a lump in [my]0-i throat as [I]0-i imagine what [he]1826-he must feel as [he]1826-he tears [a company]3104-a company apart in the name of profit . [I]0-i smile over at [him]1826-he . “ [You]1826-he know , [Tris]74-tristan , out of [all the people [I]0-i have met in [my]0-i life]4059-all the people i have met in my life , [you]1826-he have been the biggest surprise . ”[0-i] “ Why is that ? ”[0-i] “ [You]1826-he ’re not at all who [I]0-i thought [you]1826-he were . ”[0-i] “ Who did [you]1826-he think [I]0-i was ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i reach over and take [his]1826-he hand . “ Somebody that [I]0-i could never have feelings for . ”[0-i] The air crackles between [us]1832-us . “ What are those feelings , [Claire]93-patrick ? ”[1826-he] [He]1826-he picks up [my]0-i hand and kisses [my]0-i fingertips . “ [You]0-i keep hinting at these feelings , but [you]0-i have n’t told [me]1826-he what they actually are . ”[1826-he] [Our]1832-us eyes are locked , and [he]1826-he knows that [I]0-i know that [I]0-i ’m in love with [him]1826-he . [He]1826-he wants [me]0-i to tell [him]1826-he . [He]1826-he ’s waiting to hear the three sacred words ; [I]0-i know [he]1826-he is . Those magical words swirl between [us]1832-us so often — the closeness and tenderness after [we]1832-us make love . [I]0-i can almost hear them whispered in the air . [I]0-i know [he]1826-he does too . It ’s too soon . [I]0-i need to be sure . [I]0-i need to know that this is going to work , because once [I]0-i tell [him]1826-he that [I]0-i love [him]1826-he , [I]0-i ca n’t take it back . “ [You]1826-he know , [Tris]74-tristan . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause . “ [I]0-i do n’t want to sound insecure , because [I]0-i ’m not . [I]0-i ’m more than happy with who [I]0-i am . But [I]0-i do wonder what [you]1826-he see when [you]1826-he look at [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [He]1826-he leans [his]1826-he face onto [his]1826-he hand as [he]1826-he watches [me]0-i . [I]0-i feel suddenly uncomfortable . Why did [I]0-i say that ? “ [You]1826-he know what [I]0-i see , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ [I]0-i do n’t see anything . . . it ’s how [I]0-i feel . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take [his]1826-he hand again . “ For the first time in [my]0-i life . . . ”[0-i] [He]1826-he frowns , as if getting the wording right in [his]1826-he head . “ How do [you]1826-he feel , [Tris]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [His]1826-he eyes meet [mine]0-i . “ Like [myself]1826-he . ”[1826-he] Emotion fills [my]0-i heart . “ [I]0-i feel that when [I]0-i ’m with [you]1826-he , [I]0-i ’m who [I]0-i ’m supposed to be . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile softly . “ It ’s like . . . ”[1826-he] [He]1826-he frowns . “ It ’s like [I]1826-he ’ve gone back to being [a teenager]4060-a teenager , and [you]1826-he ’re reprogramming everything [I]1826-he thought [I]1826-he ever knew . ”[1826-he] “ Is that a bad thing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper , confused . “ [I]0-i do n’t want to reprogram [you]1826-he . ”[0-i] “ No . ”[1826-he] [He]1826-he frowns . “ Wrong choice of words . [I]1826-he mean , [you]1826-he ’re showing [me]1826-he what [I]1826-he want as opposed to what [I]1826-he was supposed to want . ”[1826-he] “ [You]1826-he mean [[my]0-i kids]617-my kids ? ”[0-i] “ No , ”[0-i] [he]1826-he whispers . “ [I]1826-he mean [you]0-i . ”[1826-he] [I]0-i frown . “ [You]0-i ’re everything [I]0-i never knew [I]0-i wanted . Feminine but strong . [Your]0-i beautiful body . ”[0-i] [He]1826-he smiles softly . “ [Your]0-i selflessness with [[your]0-i boys]4062-your boys . ”[1826-he] [I]0-i watch [him]1826-he as [my]0-i heart somersaults in [my]0-i chest . “ [You]0-i put [everyone]382-everyone ’s needs before [yourself]0-i , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[1826-he] [My]0-i stomach clenches . “ And for the first time in [my]1826-he life , [you]0-i make [me]1826-he want to put [someone]3143-someone before [me]1826-he . ”[1826-he] [I]0-i ’m overcome with emotion . “ Thank [you]1826-he , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ For what ? ”[0-i] “ For being everything that [I]1826-he thought [you]0-i were n’t . ”[1826-he] [He]1826-he smiles . “ No , thank [you]0-i . ”[1826-he] [He]1826-he raises [his]1826-he glass to [mine]0-i . “ For being exactly who [I]1826-he thought [you]0-i were . ”[1826-he] [I]0-i smile through tears . “ Who , [a bitch]501-a bitch ? ”[1826-he] [He]1826-he chuckles as [he]1826-he clinks [our]1833-we glasses together . “ [A raving bitch with a magical vagina]4066-a raving bitch with a magical vagina . ”[1826-he] [I]0-i laugh out loud . It ’s official — [I]0-i do love [this man]284-this man . . . [I]0-i really do . [I]0-i just wish [I]0-i could tell [him]1826-he . [I]0-i straighten [my]0-i dress . “ Do [I]0-i look okay ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [Tristan]74-tristan leads [me]0-i through [the crowd]433-the crowd . [We]1833-we ’ve just arrived at the auction and are weaving [our]1833-we way through [the people]634-the people to the other side of [the room]370-the room to meet [[his]74-tristan two younger brothers]1838-his two younger brothers . [I]0-i ’m sick with nerves . “ [You]0-i looking fucking hot , [Anderson]182-anderson . Stop it , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers as [he]74-tristan strides through [the crowd]433-the crowd . God , this is a nightmare . Why did [I]0-i agree to this ? [We]1833-we are in [a trendy art gallery warehouse]1840-a trendy art gallery warehouse ; [the crowd]433-the crowd is eclectic and buzzing with excitement . Huge abstract paintings are on the walls , and [people]406-people are gathered in front of [them]1843-them , admiring [their]1843-them beauty . Loud funky music is being piped through [the space]839-the space , and [waiters]1845-waiters are circling with silver trays and glasses of champagne . This is another world , far from [the school homework [I]0-i ’m usually doing on the dining room table on a Sunday night]1846-the school homework i ’m usually doing on the dining room table on a sunday night . [We]1833-we get to [a clearing]1847-a clearing . “ There [they]1848-two men standing and looking at a painting are . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan smiles as [he]74-tristan leads [me]0-i toward [two men standing and looking at a painting]1848-two men standing and looking at a painting . [They]1848-two men standing and looking at a painting are handsome and similar to [Tristan]74-tristan : dark hair and tall and built — the family resemblance is strong . Dressed in jeans and sports jackets , [they]1848-two men standing and looking at a painting look as much like [fashion models]1849-fashion models as [[their]1848-two men standing and looking at a painting brother]1850-their brother does . “ Hey . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan laughs as [we]1833-we get to [them]1848-two men standing and looking at a painting . [They]1848-two men standing and looking at a painting both spin toward [us]1833-we , and [their]1848-two men standing and looking at a painting eyes light up . “ [Tris]74-tristan . ”[1848-two men standing and looking at a painting] [They]1848-two men standing and looking at a painting both laugh as [they]1848-two men standing and looking at a painting all shake hands . “ This is [Claire]93-patrick . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan smiles proudly . “ This is [Elliot]127-elliot and [Christopher]128-christopher , [[my]74-tristan two younger brothers]4067-my two younger brothers . ”[74-tristan] “ Hi , ”[0-i] [I]0-i breathe . . . oh God , this is hell . [Their]1848-two men standing and looking at a painting eyes widen as [they]1848-two men standing and looking at a painting stare at [me]0-i , and then , as if remembering [their]1848-two men standing and looking at a painting manners , [they]1848-two men standing and looking at a painting smile . “ Hello , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[1848-two men standing and looking at a painting] [Elliot]127-elliot shakes [my]0-i hand first . “ Lovely to meet [you]93-patrick . ”[127-elliot] [He]127-elliot ’s businesslike and emits a dominant power — quite daunting , actually . “ Hi . ”[128-christopher] [Christopher]128-christopher smiles and leans in and kisses [me]0-i on the cheek . “ Hi , [Claire]93-patrick . [I]128-christopher ’ve heard a lot about [you]93-patrick . So lovely to finally get to meet [you]93-patrick . ”[128-christopher] [Christopher]128-christopher is much more relaxed , it seems , and [he]128-christopher looks like [Tristan]74-tristan . [He]128-christopher ’s [my]0-i favorite — [I]0-i can already tell . “ So . . . ”[128-christopher] [Christopher]128-christopher smiles as [he]128-christopher looks between [us]1851-us , making small talk . “ What have [you]1851-us two been doing all weekend ? ”[128-christopher] From [my]0-i peripheral vision , [I]0-i can see [Elliot]127-elliot looking [me]0-i up and down as [he]127-elliot stands back and sips [his]127-elliot champagne . What is [he]127-elliot thinking ? God , [I]0-i just want the earth to swallow [me]0-i up . “ Oh , [you]0-i know . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan smiles as [he]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan arm around [me]0-i . “ Bit of this and a bit of that . ”[74-tristan] [Christopher]128-christopher laughs . That ’s code for sex . And [he]128-christopher ’s right ; [we]1851-us ’ve been at it like rabbits all weekend . It ’s a wonder [I]0-i can walk . [Tristan]74-tristan holds [his]74-tristan champagne glass up toward the painting [we]1851-us are standing in front of . “ So this is [Harriet Boucher]187-harriet boucher ? ”[74-tristan] [Elliot]127-elliot ’s eyes light up as [he]127-elliot stares at the huge canvas in front of [us]1851-us . “ This is [her]187-harriet boucher . ”[127-elliot] [He]127-elliot smiles at it in awe . “ Spectacular , is n’t it ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan scrunches up [his]74-tristan nose , unimpressed . “ Meh , it ’s okay . ”[128-christopher] [Christopher]128-christopher laughs . “ [I]74-tristan could take it or leave it , to be honest too . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan and [Christopher]128-christopher begin to chat between [themselves]1852-themselves . [Elliot]127-elliot ’s eyes come to [me]0-i . “ What do [you]127-elliot think , [Claire]93-patrick ? ”[127-elliot] “ Beauty is in the eye of [the beholder]4068-the beholder , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . [He]127-elliot smiles softly as [his]127-elliot eyes go back to admiring the painting . “ Yes , it is . ”[127-elliot] “ [Tristan]74-tristan says that [you]127-elliot love [this artist]4043-this artist ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask , trying to make conversation . “ [I]0-i do . ”[0-i] [He]127-elliot gives [me]0-i a lopsided smile . “ Not love [her]4043-this artist as such , but [I]127-elliot admire [her]4043-this artist work . [She]4043-this artist is by far [[my]127-elliot favorite artist]4070-my favorite artist . ”[127-elliot] “ Why ? ”[127-elliot] [He]127-elliot frowns , puzzled by [my]0-i question . “ [I]127-elliot guess . . . hmm . ”[127-elliot] [He]127-elliot thinks for a moment . “ [Her]4043-this artist paintings speak to [me]127-elliot . [I]127-elliot ca n’t explain it . ”[127-elliot] [I]0-i smile softly as [I]0-i stand beside [him]127-elliot and stare at the canvas . “ How romantic . ”[0-i] [His]127-elliot eyes come to [me]0-i . “ Really ? ”[127-elliot] “ If [I]127-elliot were [an artist]4071-an artist , all [I]127-elliot would want in life is for [my]127-elliot paintings to speak to [someone]3143-someone . ”[127-elliot] [He]127-elliot smiles and turns [his]127-elliot attention back to the painting . “ [I]127-elliot suppose . ”[127-elliot] “ So [you]127-elliot know [her]4043-this artist ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ No , [I]0-i ’ve never seen [her]4043-this artist . [I]0-i go to every auction , but [she]4043-this artist never attends . [She]4043-this artist ’s elderly , from what [I]0-i know . ”[0-i] “ And [you]127-elliot have a few of [her]4043-this artist paintings ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]0-i ’ve bought five at auctions , although there are thirty in circulation . It is [my]0-i aim to own all of them at some stage . They never come up for sale . ”[0-i] “ Are they all in storage ? ”[1853-he] “ No , [her]4043-this artist paintings are in [[my]0-i homes]4073-my homes . They are personal to [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i watch [him]1853-he . [He]1853-he ’s not intense like [I]0-i first thought ; [he]1853-he ’s deep . [A man in a suit]1854-a man in a suit comes out with a roll - out little table thingy . “ [We]1857-we are about to begin the auction for [Harriet Boucher]187-harriet boucher , ”[1854-a man in a suit] [he]1854-a man in a suit calls . [The people in [the room]370-the room]1855-the people in the room all turn and make [their]1855-the people in the room way over to where [we]1857-we stand . [The crowd]433-the crowd gathers in a semicircle around the painting . [Tristan]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan hand on the small of [my]0-i back and smiles as [he]74-tristan watches . [A woman]417-a woman comes and stands opposite [us]1857-we in [the crowd]433-the crowd . [She]417-a woman ’s honey blonde and innocent looking . [She]417-a woman has a ballerina look about [her]417-a woman . Perfect posture and innately feminine . [Elliot]127-elliot ’s and [her]417-a woman eyes meet across [the crowd]433-the crowd , and [they]1862-them stare at [each other]286-each other . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i watch [them]1862-them ; [I]0-i can feel the electricity as it bounces between [them]1862-them . [Elliot]127-elliot leans into [Tristan]74-tristan . “ Black dress , red lips . Who the fuck is [she]417-a woman ? ”[127-elliot] [he]127-elliot whispers . “ Never seen [her]417-a woman before , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan whispers back . [Elliot]127-elliot turns to [Christopher]128-christopher and whispers the same thing to [him]128-christopher . [Christopher]128-christopher looks over at [her]417-a woman and frowns . “ No idea . ”[128-christopher] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i listen to [them]1862-them . [Tristan]74-tristan moves behind [me]0-i and puts [his]74-tristan arm around [my]0-i waist as [he]74-tristan pulls [me]0-i close . [He]74-tristan kisses [my]0-i temple . “ Do [you]0-i want another drink ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ No , thanks . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile . [I]0-i ’m too busy watching [Elliot]127-elliot and [this girl]3861-this girl mentally fuck [each other]286-each other across [the room]370-the room . [The auctioneer]1867-the auctioneer begins . “ The second auction for tonight is the painting Serendipity by [Harriet Boucher]187-harriet boucher . ”[1867-the auctioneer] [I]0-i look at the painting . It ’s an abstract in greens and blues , and it almost looks like rays of light shining down from heaven . It really is magical . [I]0-i can see why [Elliot]127-elliot loves it . “ Do [we]4074-we have an opening bid ? ”[1867-the auctioneer] [the auctioneer]1867-the auctioneer asks . “ Two hundred thousand , ”[127-elliot] [Elliot]127-elliot says calmly . [My]0-i eyes widen . . . what the fuck ? “ Two fifty , ”[1869-an older man] [an older man]1869-an older man replies . [Elliot]127-elliot glares at [his]127-elliot competition . “ Three fifty , ”[127-elliot] [he]127-elliot fires back . Holy shit . . . this is a real art auction , the kind [you]1870-you see on cable . “ Three seventy , ”[417-a woman] [a woman]417-a woman calls . [Elliot]127-elliot rolls [his]127-elliot eyes — [another bidder]1872-another bidder . [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes dance with delight as [he]74-tristan looks on . [Christopher]128-christopher leans in and whispers something to [Elliot]127-elliot . [He]128-christopher nods once , as if understanding . “ Half a million , ”[127-elliot] [Elliot]127-elliot announces . [The room]370-the room falls silent . [The older man]1874-the older man narrows [his]1874-the older man eyes . “ Seven fifty . ”[1874-the older man] [Elliot]127-elliot clenches [his]127-elliot jaw in anger . [Tristan]74-tristan begins to chuckle . “ It ’s on , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ One million dollars , ”[74-tristan] [Elliot]127-elliot fires back . “ One point one , ”[680-the man] [the man]680-the man fires back . “ Fuck , ”[127-elliot] [Elliot]127-elliot whispers . [Christopher]128-christopher leans in and says something to [Elliot]127-elliot . [He]128-christopher seems to think for a moment . [He]128-christopher ’s telling [him]127-elliot what to bid . It seems that [Christopher]128-christopher has a lot of pull in what [Elliot]127-elliot does . “ Do [we]4075-we have another bid ? ”[1867-the auctioneer] [the auctioneer]1867-the auctioneer asks . “ One point one is [our]4075-we last call . ”[1867-the auctioneer] “ One point four , ”[127-elliot] [Elliot]127-elliot snaps . [The crowd]433-the crowd lets out an audible gasp . [Elliot]127-elliot ’s jaw tilts to the sky in satisfaction , and [Tristan]74-tristan smiles broadly . [I]0-i look among [the Miles brothers]1878-the miles brothers . [These men]1879-these men are wealthy beyond measure . [They]1879-these men do n’t seem rattled at all—$1.4 million for a fucking painting . . . what the hell ? “ One million four hundred and ten thousand dollars , ”[1880-the other bidder] [the other bidder]1880-the other bidder replies . “ One point five , ”[127-elliot] [Elliot]127-elliot fires back . [The man]680-the man shakes [his]680-the man head . “ [I]680-the man ’m out . ”[680-the man] [The auctioneer]1867-the auctioneer turns to [the woman]522-the woman . [She]522-the woman shakes [her]522-the woman head . “ [I]522-the woman ’m out too . ”[522-the woman] [The crowd]433-the crowd waits and looks around . “ Do [we]4076-we have any more offers ? ”[1867-the auctioneer] [the auctioneer]1867-the auctioneer asks . “ One point five once . . . twice . . . three times . Last call . ”[1867-the auctioneer] [He]1867-the auctioneer brings down [his]1867-the auctioneer hammer . “ Sold , to [the man in the navy jacket]4077-the man in the navy jacket , [Elliot Miles]127-elliot . ”[1867-the auctioneer] [Elliot]127-elliot laughs in delight , and [Tristan]74-tristan and [Christopher]128-christopher shake [his]127-elliot hand in congratulations . [He]127-elliot looks up and around [the room]370-the room . “ Where did [she]4077-the man in the navy jacket go ? ”[127-elliot] [he]127-elliot asks . “ Who ? ”[127-elliot] [Tristan]74-tristan frowns . “ [The blonde]387-the blonde , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan replies as [he]74-tristan scans [the room]370-the room . “ [She]4077-the man in the navy jacket was right here . ”[74-tristan] “ [She]4077-the man in the navy jacket left , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ As soon as [you]127-elliot bid [your]127-elliot last bid , [she]4077-the man in the navy jacket left . [I]0-i saw [her]4077-the man in the navy jacket walk out the front doors . ”[0-i] [Elliot]127-elliot turns and storms toward the door . “ Excuse [me]1867-the auctioneer , [sir]3836-sir , ”[1867-the auctioneer] [the auctioneer]1867-the auctioneer calls after [him]127-elliot . “ [We]4080-we need details . ”[1867-the auctioneer] “ Go find [her]4077-the man in the navy jacket , ”[127-elliot] [he]127-elliot says to [[his]127-elliot brothers]347-his brothers . [Christopher]128-christopher marches out the front door to look for [her]1890-her as [Elliot]127-elliot talks to [the auctioneer]1867-the auctioneer . [Tristan]74-tristan goes looking for [her]1890-her too . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i watch . . . [I]0-i just got a firsthand look at how [the Miles boys]1892-the miles boys operate . [They]1892-the miles boys see something [they]1892-the miles boys want , and [they]1892-the miles boys go after it hard . Impressive . [I]0-i straighten [Tristan]74-tristan ’s tie as [he]74-tristan looks down at [me]0-i . It ’s Monday morning , and [I]0-i do n’t want this weekend to end . “ There . ”[0-i] [I]0-i dust off [his]74-tristan shoulders as [I]0-i pretend to be happy about [us]1893-we parting . “ [You]0-i look extra handsome today . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan smiles softly down at [me]0-i . “ [You]0-i know , [I]74-tristan could get used to this sweet version of [Claire]93-patrick . ”[74-tristan] “ Extra handsome . . . for [a bastard]767-a bastard , [I]74-tristan mean . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smirks . “ More [your]0-i style . ”[74-tristan] [We]1893-we kiss , [his]74-tristan tongue gently stroking [mine]0-i . [We]1893-we linger over [each other]286-each other ’s lips for an extended time , and [I]0-i run [my]0-i fingers through [his]74-tristan hair . [We]1893-we ’ve had the most wonderful weekend . [We]1893-we went out after the auction last night , and [I]0-i laughed and laughed with [[his]74-tristan brothers]347-his brothers . [They]347-his brothers ’re as funny and smart as [Tristan]74-tristan is . “ When will [I]0-i see [you]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Are [you]74-tristan getting needy , [Anderson]182-anderson ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ A little . ”[0-i] “ About fucking time . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pushes the hair back from [my]0-i face as [he]74-tristan stares down at [me]0-i . “ Tonight , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan replies . “ Tonight ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan . “ [You]74-tristan do n’t have to come tonight . [We]4082-we have to ease [the kids]3077-the kids into this , and [I]0-i know [you]74-tristan hate the couch . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan rolls [his]74-tristan eyes . “ [I]74-tristan ’m coming tonight . [I]74-tristan wo n’t stay over . ”[74-tristan] “ Okay , but remember , [we]4082-we ’re just [friends]3356-friends at this stage to [them]3077-the kids . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hunch up [my]0-i shoulders . “ [I]0-i really need [them]3077-the kids to be okay with this , [Tris]74-tristan . ”[0-i] “ [They]3077-the kids will be . ”[74-tristan] “ [Harry]141-harry . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wince . “ Is a nightmare , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan replies . [I]0-i widen [my]0-i eyes . “ Stop that . [I]0-i ’m allowed to call [him]74-tristan a nightmare ; [you]74-tristan are not . Just like [I]0-i ’m allowed to call [you]74-tristan a nightmare , and [they]3077-the kids are not . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan rolls [his]74-tristan eyes . “ However [you]0-i put it . [I]74-tristan ’ll see [you]74-tristan tonight . Let ’s go out for dinner . [The five of [us]4085-the five of us]4085-the five of us . ”[74-tristan] “ Really ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ That ’s very [Brady Bunch]188-brady bunch . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan grabs [my]0-i behind and brings [me]0-i closer to [his]74-tristan pelvis . [I]0-i can feel a hint of hardness in [his]74-tristan trousers . “ Does [the guy]4086-the guy fuck [the mother]4087-the mother in [the bathroom of [the restaurant]269-the restaurant on [The Brady Bunch]188-brady bunch]4088-the bathroom of the restaurant on the brady bunch ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i giggle . “ Surely not . And do n’t get any ideas . That is not happening . [[My]0-i children]602-my children will never know that [we]4085-the five of us have sex . Like ever . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a sexy wink . “ [I]74-tristan mean it , [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan would n’t . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles . “ Why are [you]0-i smiling , then ? ”[74-tristan] “ Because [I]0-i know what [a horny fuckmaster two thousand]4091-a horny fuckmaster two thousand [[their]602-my children mother]4092-their mother is . ”[0-i] [I]0-i burst out laughing in surprise . “ [A horny fuckmaster two thousand]4091-a horny fuckmaster two thousand ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , it ’s the latest sex toy . ”[74-tristan] “ And what does this toy do ? ”[74-tristan] “ Deep throats like [a champion]4094-a champion . With a churning pussy that melts [my]0-i cock . ”[0-i] [My]0-i mouth falls open as [I]0-i feign horror . “ [You]0-i will never see [my]74-tristan deep - throating skills again if [you]0-i keep going . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles against [my]0-i lips as [he]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i . “ [I]74-tristan had a great weekend . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile up at [him]74-tristan . “ The best . ”[0-i] “ Hmm . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan eyes close , and [I]0-i feel [his]74-tristan dick harden up against [me]0-i . “ Did n’t [you]74-tristan say [you]74-tristan had a meeting ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [You]74-tristan must be [a faulty model]4095-a faulty model . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i again . “ Why is that ? ”[74-tristan] “ [The horny fuckmaster two thousand]4096-the horny fuckmaster two thousand does n’t speak . [I]0-i specifically asked for one without a voice box . ”[0-i] [I]0-i burst out laughing again . “ Go to work , [[you]74-tristan fool]3209-you fool . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pull [my]0-i dress over [my]0-i head and smooth it down . It ’s navy and fitted and hangs just below the knees with spaghetti straps . [I]0-i look at [myself]0-i in the mirror . [The kids]3077-the kids are back [home]341-home from [[my]0-i parents]3977-my parents ’ and are [downstairs]3119-downstairs waiting for [me]0-i to get ready so that [we]1900-we can go out to dinner . [I]0-i have n’t told [them]3077-the kids yet that [Tristan]74-tristan is coming . Not quite sure how to broach it with [them]3077-the kids , to be honest . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i go over the glorious weekend [Tristan]74-tristan and [I]0-i just had together . [I]0-i ’m on cloud nine . [I]0-i ’m not fighting with [the kids]3077-the kids over [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i do n’t want that to be the big defining moment when [they]3077-the kids have to adjust to [me]0-i dating again . [I]0-i ’m just going to ease [him]74-tristan in as [[our]1900-we friend]1902-our friend , and then one day [they]3077-the kids will hopefully get along enough so that [they]3077-the kids like having [him]74-tristan around . Sounds easy in theory . . . right ? There is a knock at the door , and [my]0-i heart jumps . [He]74-tristan ’s here . [I]0-i hear footsteps running to the door . “ [Tristan]74-tristan ! ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick yells in excitement . “ Hello . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i hear [his]74-tristan deep voice echo through [the house]924-the house . “ What are [you]74-tristan doing here ? ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry barks . “ [I]141-harry ’m coming to dinner . Where ’s [Mom]123-mom ? ”[141-harry] “ [Mom]3387-mom only booked for four , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry says . “ Well , that ’s funny , ”[141-harry] [Tristan]74-tristan replies . “ Because [I]74-tristan booked [the restaurant]269-the restaurant , and [I]74-tristan booked for five . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i listen to the banter . “ This is a family - only dinner , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry replies , unimpressed . “ Be quiet , [Harry]141-harry , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick snaps . “ [You]141-harry ’re ruining everything . ”[93-patrick] “ Yes , [Wiz]189-wiz , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says . “ Good advice from [[your]189-wiz little brother]4100-your little brother . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile . [He]74-tristan has a nickname for [everyone]382-everyone . [Even the cat]1905-even the cat is called [Muff Cat]138-muff — Muff wo n’t do . [I]0-i walk around the corner and down the stairs . [Tristan]74-tristan looks up , and [our]1906-our eyes meet . [He]74-tristan smiles softly up at [me]0-i as [my]0-i stomach flutters . “ Hello , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Hi . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan smiles dreamily . The air circles between [us]1906-our , and [I]0-i just want to run into [his]74-tristan arms — but [I]0-i ca n’t , of course . [[My]0-i three bouncers]1907-my three bouncers are here to protect [me]0-i . “ Thank [you]141-harry for coming , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say as [I]0-i hit the bottom step . “ That ’s okay , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan replies . “ [I]74-tristan had nothing better to do . ”[74-tristan] [Harry]141-harry folds [his]141-harry arms with an exaggerated eye roll . “ Oh great , this is all [I]141-harry need , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry huffs . “ The night is ruined . ”[141-harry] “ Do n’t be rude , [Harry]141-harry , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply calmly . “ [Tristan]74-tristan is [[my]0-i friend]3156-my friend , and [I]0-i invited [him]74-tristan to come with [us]4102-us . ”[0-i] “ Who knows why , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry mutters under [his]141-harry breath . “ [We]4102-us leave in ten minutes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Would [you]74-tristan like a drink , [Tristan]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , please , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry says . “ Lead the way . ”[141-harry] [I]0-i walk out into [the kitchen]928-the kitchen , and [Tristan]74-tristan follows [me]0-i . [I]0-i take out two glasses and pour [us]1909-us each some wine . [He]74-tristan clinks [his]74-tristan glass with [mine]0-i and gives [me]0-i a tender smile . It feels so weird . Things are different ; there ’s a closeness between [us]1909-us . “ To drinking on Monday nights . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile and take a sip . “ [You]74-tristan ’re a bad influence on [me]0-i , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . [I]0-i never drink on a school night . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan narrows [his]74-tristan eyes , as if thinking . “ What am [I]74-tristan exactly allowed to say to [the wizard]3629-the wizard ? Give [me]74-tristan some boundaries to work with here . ”[74-tristan] “ Nothing , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ [You]74-tristan will be [the adult in the relationship]4104-the adult in the relationship ; [he]3629-the wizard ’s just [a child]3292-a child . [A confused , angry , naughty little boy]4106-a confused , angry , naughty little boy . [He]3629-the wizard ’s unsettled , and [he]3629-the wizard does n’t like change . Like [most kids]4107-most kids , [he]3629-the wizard acts up out of fear . [He]3629-the wizard needs time to adjust . . . but [he]3629-the wizard will come around and see how wonderful [you]74-tristan are . [I]0-i know [he]3629-the wizard will . ”[0-i] [I]0-i put [my]0-i hand on [his]1910-his as it sits on the kitchen counter . “ [You]74-tristan need to be patient with [him]3629-the wizard . ”[0-i] “ What , nothing ? ”[1910-his] [He]1910-his frowns . “ Not one word ? ”[1910-his] “ No . ”[1910-his] [He]1910-his rolls [his]1910-his eyes . “ Why ? What would [you]1910-his like to say ? ”[1910-his] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]1910-his do n’t know . ”[1910-his] [He]1910-his shrugs . “ Put [yourself]74-tristan in [my]1910-his shoes for a moment . If this was [[your]74-tristan daughter]4108-your daughter , and [I]1910-his was coming into [[her]4108-your daughter house]3500-her house , what would [you]74-tristan want [me]1910-his to do with [her]4108-your daughter . . . be patient , or fight with [her]4108-your daughter and put [you]74-tristan in the middle ? ”[1910-his] [He]1910-his sips [his]1910-his drink and looks at [me]0-i flatly , clearly unimpressed with [my]0-i boundaries . “ [I]1910-his just want [you]74-tristan to ignore [him]1910-his , [Tris]74-tristan . [He]1910-his ’s baiting [you]74-tristan for a fight . And [I]1910-his can defend [you]74-tristan if [you]74-tristan ’re ignoring [him]1910-his and being [the adult]1075-the adult , but if [you]74-tristan get into an open fight with [a thirteen - year - old]3849-a thirteen - year - old . . . [I]1910-his ’m on [his]1910-his side . Every time . ”[1910-his] [Tristan]74-tristan rolls [his]1910-his eyes into [his]1910-his wineglass . [I]0-i smile sweetly . “ First rule of being [a mom]4112-a mom : [the kids]3077-the kids always come first . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan leans into [me]0-i . “ When do [I]74-tristan come first ? ”[74-tristan] “ When [we]1911-we ’re alone , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ What do [I]74-tristan get for not strangling [him]1910-his ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ [Me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i hold [my]0-i hands out . “ All of [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan smiles , and the air crackles between [us]1911-we . “ [You]0-i drive a hard bargain , [Anderson]182-anderson . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i eyes drop to [his]74-tristan lips , and [I]0-i ’m so grateful that [we]1911-we ’re having this conversation . “ [I]0-i just wish [I]0-i could kiss [you]74-tristan right now . ”[0-i] “ So . . . [we]1911-we ca n’t even kiss ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan frowns . “ What can [we]1911-we fucking do ? ”[74-tristan] “ Not until [they]4114-they know [we]1911-we are dating . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan tips [his]74-tristan head back and drains [his]74-tristan glass . “ That ’ll do [me]74-tristan . Let ’s go . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan walks out into [the living room]1371-the living room . “ Come on , [we]1911-we ’re leaving , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan calls . [I]0-i listen to [him]74-tristan and [Patrick]93-patrick as [they]1913-they talk . [Fletcher]96-fletcher is out there too now . [I]0-i hear [Harry]141-harry stomp down [the stairs]290-the stairs . “ [I]74-tristan ’m having dessert for dinner , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan announces . “ Oh , good idea , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan agrees . “ [Me]74-tristan too . [Let]4115-let [’s]4115-let all do that — sugar coma , here [we]4115-let come . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile . [God]97-god . [Harrison]141-harry has no idea who [he]141-harry is trying to piss off here . [Tristan]74-tristan can outdo [anyone]393-anyone in any annoying contest . [I]0-i walk out into [the living area]927-the living area , and [Tristan]74-tristan turns to [me]0-i . “ [You]0-i got a coat , [Mama]171-mama ? It ’s going to get cold out , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks . “ [I]74-tristan do n’t need one . [I]74-tristan ’m fine . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i grab [my]0-i bag and see [Tristan]74-tristan disappearing up [the stairs]290-the stairs . “ What are [you]74-tristan doing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i call after [him]74-tristan . “ Getting [you]74-tristan a coat . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smirk . [Control freak]1918-control freak . [He]74-tristan wants it to be cold now so that [he]74-tristan can say “ [I]74-tristan told [you]0-i so . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan reappears a few moments later with a cardigan for [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan flicks it over [his]74-tristan shoulder and takes [Patrick]93-patrick ’s hand . “ Come on , let ’s go . ”[74-tristan] [We]1919-we follow [him]74-tristan out the front and over to [[his]74-tristan car]809-his car . The lights flash as [we]1919-we approach [it]809-his car . [He]74-tristan opens the front door and pushes the seat forward . “ Climb in the back . ”[74-tristan] [We]1919-we all peer into the tiny back seat . “ [We]1919-we ’re not going to fit into [this sardine car]4116-this sardine car , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry moans . “ This is not [a sardine car]4117-a sardine car ; it ’s an [Aston Martin]34-aston martin , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan replies through gritted teeth . “ Nothing fishy about it , although [I]74-tristan can always arrange a seat in the trunk , if [you]141-harry would prefer . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i lips to hide [my]0-i smile . “ Climb in , [baby]3208-baby . It ’s fine . ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry rolls [his]141-harry eyes and climbs in . “ [You]141-harry get in the middle , [Tricky]174-tricky , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan directs . [Patrick]93-patrick climbs in next . “ Now [you]141-harry , [Fletch]145-fletch . ”[93-patrick] [We]1921-we watch as [Fletcher]96-fletcher squeezes [his]96-fletcher way into the back seat . [Their]1922-their shoulders are all bunched up , and [their]1922-their knees are around [their]1922-their chins . [Tristan]74-tristan frowns as [he]74-tristan peers in at [them]1922-their . “ Great , [they]1922-their do n’t fit , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mutters under [his]74-tristan breath as [he]74-tristan slams the door shut . “ [We]1921-we can take [[my]0-i car]316-my car , ”[0-i] [I]0-i offer . “ It will be fine this one time , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan snaps . [We]1921-we get in and drive to [the restaurant]269-the restaurant . [The boys]3247-the boys whine and moan about how squashed and uncomfortable [they]3247-the boys are , and with every mile [we]1921-we travel , [I]0-i can see [Tristan]74-tristan ’s face becoming a little more red . It ’s fun watching [him]74-tristan fight to hold [his]74-tristan tongue . Maybe [he]74-tristan wo n’t be so insistent on doing the family - dinner thing in the future . [We]1921-we get to [the restaurant]269-the restaurant , and [the girl at the desk]1926-the girl at the desk smiles broadly . “ Hello , booking for [Miles]74-tristan , please , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says . “ It ’s [Anderson]96-fletcher , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry whispers loudly . “ There are [four Andersons]42-four andersons and only one [Miles]74-tristan . It ’s hardly a Miles booking , is it ? ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry huffs , as if outraged . [Tristan]74-tristan stares at [Harry]141-harry blankly . [I]0-i so wish [I]0-i could read [his]141-harry mind . This is really quite comical . “ That ’s enough , [Harry]141-harry , ”[0-i] [I]0-i remind [him]141-harry . [We]1921-we are shown to [our]1921-we seats . “ [Your]141-harry table . ”[0-i] “ Thank [you]141-harry . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan smiles . “ Sit here . ”[74-tristan] [Fletcher]96-fletcher pats the chair next to [him]96-fletcher . [Tristan]74-tristan moves to sit next to [him]96-fletcher . “ [I]74-tristan want to sit next to [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[74-tristan] [Patrick]93-patrick whines as [he]93-patrick taps the chair beside [him]93-patrick . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , sit next to [me]93-patrick , please . ”[93-patrick] [Tristan]74-tristan comes over to [my]0-i side . “ To save arguments , [I]74-tristan ’m sitting next to [Mom]123-mom . ”[74-tristan] [Harry]141-harry rolls [his]141-harry eyes . [We]1927-we all sit down , and as if [he]141-harry has been waiting all night to say it , [Tristan]74-tristan blurts out . “ There ’s a reason [I]141-harry wanted to have dinner tonight , [Claire]93-patrick , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry says loudly so that [everyone]382-everyone can hear what [he]141-harry says . [I]0-i frown . “ There is ? ”[0-i] The table falls silent . “ Yes . ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry straightens [his]141-harry tie , as if preparing [himself]141-harry for something . “ [I]141-harry was wondering if [you]93-patrick would like to go out with [me]141-harry next weekend . ”[141-harry] [My]0-i face falls . “ Like on a date ? ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry whispers , mortified . “ Yes , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan replies , unrattled . “ Like on a date . [I]74-tristan would like to be [[your]93-patrick boyfriend]4120-your boyfriend , [Claire Anderson]81-claire . What do [you]93-patrick say ? ”[74-tristan] Chapter 18 “ [She]81-claire says no . That ’s what [she]81-claire says , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry snaps . “ What a stupid question — as if [she]81-claire would go out with [you]93-patrick , anyway . ”[141-harry] [My]0-i mouth falls open as [I]0-i stare at [Tristan]74-tristan . What in [the world]259-the world ? This is not taking it slow at all . [He]74-tristan smiles sweetly . “ Well ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]0-i . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look around at [[my]0-i children]602-my children . [Patrick]93-patrick is smiling hopefully , [Harry]141-harry is glaring at [Tristan]74-tristan , and [Fletcher]96-fletcher looks like [he]96-fletcher ’s swallowed a fly . “ [I]96-fletcher . . . umm . . . ”[96-fletcher] “ Well , [you]93-patrick did say [you]93-patrick were ready to have [a friend]3196-a friend again , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says . “ [Someone]3143-someone to go to the movies and out to dinner with . [A boyfriend]4123-a boyfriend , if [you]93-patrick will . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i have no words ; [this man]284-this man is the living end . “ And as [I]284-this man see it , [you]93-patrick have four choices , ”[284-this man] [he]284-this man continues . [I]0-i frown . “ [I]0-i do ? ”[0-i] “ Yes . ”[284-this man] [He]284-this man carries on with [his]284-this man sales pitch . “ [You]93-patrick can go out with [that man [you]93-patrick met in [Paris]6-paris]4124-that man you met in paris . ”[284-this man] [He]284-this man pours [us]1932-us each a glass of water from the table jug . “ However , that would mean that [you]93-patrick all have to move to [France]9-france . ”[284-this man] [He]284-this man sips [his]284-this man water with a casual shrug . “ And of course , [Muff Cat]138-muff and Woofy ca n’t move to [Paris]6-paris , so [they]3247-the boys would have to move in with [me]284-this man . ”[284-this man] [The boys]3247-the boys ’ faces fall in horror . “ [I]141-harry am not moving to [Paris]6-paris , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry snaps in an outrage . “ [Me]96-fletcher neither , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher whispers angrily . “ No way in hell . ”[96-fletcher] “ [Me]93-patrick three , ”[93-patrick] says [Patrick]93-patrick . [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes dance with delight . [I]0-i see what [he]74-tristan ’s doing here . “ [I]0-i do n’t know ; [Paris]6-paris may be good for [us]3247-the boys . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ No way , [Mom]123-mom , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry whispers angrily . “ [You]123-mom can forget about it . [I]141-harry ’m calling [Grandma]94-grandma ; [she]94-grandma wo n’t like this at all . ”[141-harry] “ What are the other choices ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i play along . “ [You]123-mom could go out with [Pilates Paul]156-paul , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry offers . “ Oh , [he]141-harry ’s nice . ”[141-harry] [I]0-i smile sweetly . “ [I]0-i do like [him]141-harry . Great choice . ”[0-i] [Tristan]74-tristan looks at [me]0-i deadpan . “ [He]141-harry ’s boring , [Claire]93-patrick , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mutters dryly . “ But so handsome , right ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan narrows [his]74-tristan eyes , and [I]0-i bite [my]0-i lip to hide [my]0-i giggle . “ [I]141-harry ’m getting a headache , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry says as [he]141-harry holds [his]141-harry temples . “ No , [Mom]123-mom , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher snaps . “ That ’s just embarrassing . [He]141-harry wears a pink sweatband around [his]141-harry head to Pilates . ”[96-fletcher] “ Yes , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan hisses . “ Exactly [my]74-tristan point , [Fletch]145-fletch . [He]141-harry will bring the [Anderson]96-fletcher name into disrepute . ”[74-tristan] “ [He]141-harry is weird , [Mom]123-mom , ”[93-patrick] agrees [Patrick]93-patrick . “ [You]0-i have to admit it . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i let out an overexaggerated sigh . “ Okay , what is [my]0-i other choice ? ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i could meet someone new who has [kids]3313-kids . ”[0-i] [I]0-i blink . This is n’t what [I]0-i thought [he]74-tristan was going to say . “ But whenever [he]74-tristan comes over , [he]74-tristan will bring [[his]74-tristan children]323-his children , and [they]323-his children will have to have [a bedroom to stay in]4127-a bedroom to stay in . So [Harry]141-harry and [Patrick]93-patrick will have to share [a bedroom]1729-a bedroom from now on . ”[74-tristan] [Harry]141-harry ’s face is getting redder and redder ; [he]141-harry ’s about to blow . “ Why does [Fletcher]96-fletcher get [[his]96-fletcher own room]4129-his own room ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan demands . [Tristan]74-tristan sips [his]74-tristan drink . [He]74-tristan ’s loving this . “ Because [Fletcher]96-fletcher is [an adult]3881-an adult , and [he]96-fletcher needs [[his]96-fletcher own room]4129-his own room . But then . . . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pauses , as if thinking , for added effect . “ [Those other kids]4132-those other kids will use a lot of internet , maybe all the data . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head to hide [my]0-i smile . . . oh , [he]74-tristan ’s good . “ [They]4132-those other kids ’ll also eat all of the food , and [they]4132-those other kids wo n’t have [a skateboard]4133-a skateboard or [bike]4134-bike at [[your]0-i house]4135-your house , so [you]0-i will have to share all of [your]0-i things . ”[74-tristan] The blood drains from [Harry]141-harry ’s face as [he]141-harry listens . “ That ’s if [they]4132-those other kids are [n’t girls]4136-n’t girls . ”[74-tristan] “ [Girls]3167-girls ? ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry gasps as [he]141-harry chokes on [his]141-harry water . “ No way . [You]0-i are not going out with [anyone]393-anyone with [kids]3313-kids , [Mom]123-mom . [I]141-harry forbid it , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry whispers through gritted teeth . “ Oh . ”[141-harry] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i play along . “ [I]0-i kind of liked the idea of having [more kids]4140-more kids around . ”[0-i] “ Or not , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan mutters under [his]74-tristan breath . “ Well . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile at [the gorgeous , conniving man beside [me]0-i]1934-the gorgeous , conniving man beside me . “ What is [my]0-i last choice ? ”[0-i] “ [Me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ And why should [I]0-i pick [you]141-harry to be [[my]0-i boyfriend]3996-my boyfriend ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ That ’s a very good question , [Claire]93-patrick , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry says as [he]141-harry takes a piece of paper out of [his]141-harry suit coat pocket . “ [I]141-harry have prepared a list of [my]141-harry attributes . ”[141-harry] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i lips to hide [my]0-i smile at [his]141-harry shenanigans . [He]141-harry unfolds the paper and begins to read from the list of points [he]141-harry has written . “ [I]141-harry ’m good looking . ”[141-harry] [Patrick]93-patrick smiles goofily up at [Tristan]74-tristan . “ It ’s true ; [you]74-tristan are . ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry bounces in [his]141-harry chair excitedly . “ Oh God , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry moans . “ Here [we]4142-we go . ”[141-harry] “ [You]74-tristan do n’t have to move to [another country]4143-another country and leave [[your]74-tristan pets]4144-your pets homeless and vulnerable . ”[0-i] [I]0-i laugh , and [Fletcher]96-fletcher rolls [his]96-fletcher eyes . “ [You]74-tristan do n’t have to share [a bedroom]1729-a bedroom with [anyone]393-anyone . ”[96-fletcher] “ [I]141-harry ’m not doing that anyway , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry cuts [him]74-tristan off . “ Do n’t get any ideas , [Mom]123-mom . ”[141-harry] “ [I]74-tristan ’m getting [a bigger car]4147-a bigger car , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan continues . “ [You]74-tristan are ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i frown . [I]0-i put [my]0-i hand out for the paper . “ Show [me]74-tristan where it says that on the list . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pulls the paper out of [my]0-i grasp . “ That was a recently added point , [Claire]93-patrick . Do n’t interrupt [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i giggle . “ [I]74-tristan ’m fun . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan straightens [his]74-tristan tie . [I]0-i swoon across the table . . . [you]74-tristan got that right , [baby]3208-baby . [You]74-tristan are so fun . “ [You]74-tristan are not fun , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry huffs . “ [You]74-tristan ’re boring . ”[141-harry] [Tristan]74-tristan flicks the paper down in disgust . “ How am [I]74-tristan boring ? Name one time [I]74-tristan have been boring . ”[74-tristan] “ Right now . This is boring , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry fires back . “ [You]74-tristan ’re boring , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan mutters dryly . “ Shut up , [Wizard]162-wizard , and listen to [my]74-tristan points . ”[74-tristan] “ [He]74-tristan ’s not boring , [Mom]123-mom , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick whispers , as if feeling the need to remind [me]0-i . “ [I]93-patrick live in [New York]5-new york , so [I]93-patrick can come and visit [you]0-i , and [you]0-i can come to [[my]93-patrick house]3381-my house and visit [me]93-patrick , if [you]0-i like . [Nobody]3093-nobody has to move anywhere , and it ’s no big deal to visit . ”[93-patrick] [They]1936-they all listen intently . “ And , ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick adds , “ [I]93-patrick am [an excellent cook]4150-an excellent cook . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i frown . “ [You]93-patrick cook ? ”[0-i] “ Yes . Yes , [I]93-patrick do . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick flicks the paper in front of [him]93-patrick . “ [My]93-patrick specialty is baking brownies and chocolate cake . [They]1936-they asked [me]93-patrick to make a cookbook on chocolate desserts once , which [I]93-patrick gracefully declined . ”[93-patrick] [The boys]3247-the boys ’ faces fall , and [I]0-i struggle to hide [my]0-i laugh . “ Well . [I]0-i ’m very impressed , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ [You]93-patrick do have some excellent assets . ”[0-i] “ [I]93-patrick do . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick smiles proudly . The table falls silent . “ [I]74-tristan propose a vote , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says . “ A vote ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i frown . “ Yes . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick smiles proudly . “ [We]3247-the boys all have to vote who [[your]0-i mom]3703-your mom is going to have as [a boyfriend]4123-a boyfriend . ”[93-patrick] “ [I]141-harry did n’t agree to this , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry says . “ No , Wiz , [you]0-i have to pick one for [Mom]123-mom . Think very carefully about it , and remember , majority vote wins , ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick says quickly as a disclaimer . [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes find [mine]0-i , and [I]0-i smile softly as [I]0-i try to send [him]74-tristan a telepathic message : [I]0-i love [you]74-tristan . “ All in favor of [you]74-tristan moving to [France]9-france , hold [your]74-tristan hands up . ”[0-i] [I]0-i go to put [my]0-i hand up , and [Tristan]74-tristan screws up [his]74-tristan nose in a warning . [I]0-i giggle . “ Okay , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says , carrying on with the proceedings . “ All those in favor of sharing [bedrooms]1732-bedrooms and internet , raise [your]74-tristan hands . ”[74-tristan] [Everyone]382-everyone sits still . “ [All those in favor of [me]74-tristan being [[your]74-tristan mom ’s boyfriend]4155-your mom ’s boyfriend]4154-all those in favor of me being your mom ’s boyfriend , raise [your]74-tristan hand . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan hand up . [Patrick]93-patrick nearly touches the ceiling [his]93-patrick hand shoots up so fast . [Fletcher]96-fletcher frowns as [he]96-fletcher contemplates the question , and [Tristan]74-tristan looks over and raises an eyebrow in a warning . [Fletcher]96-fletcher shrugs and sheepishly puts [his]96-fletcher hand half up . “ So . . . what are [my]0-i other options ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [Tristan]74-tristan looks at [me]0-i deadpan . “ [Pathetic Pilates Paul]156-paul , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan snaps . “ Oh , [I]0-i do like [him]156-paul , though , ”[0-i] [I]0-i tease . [Tristan]74-tristan narrows [his]74-tristan eyes . “ But [I]74-tristan guess between [you]0-i and [him]156-paul , [I]74-tristan would prefer [you]0-i . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i raise [my]0-i hand , and [Tristan]74-tristan smiles and gives [me]0-i a sexy wink . [Harry]141-harry crosses [his]141-harry arms in front of [him]141-harry , outraged at such a vote . “ What ’s it going to be , [Wiz]189-wiz ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan asks . “ Who are [you]74-tristan voting for ? ”[74-tristan] [Harry]141-harry looks around the table as [he]141-harry weighs up all the options . “ [I]141-harry ’m voting for . . . ”[141-harry] [We]1939-we all hold [our]1939-we breath . “ [I]141-harry ’m going with Pilates [Paul]156-paul . ”[141-harry] [My]0-i heart sinks . [I]0-i was hoping [he]74-tristan ’d pick [Tristan]74-tristan . “ Oh well . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan sighs . “ How sad that [you]74-tristan lost . Majority vote wins , and it ’s four against one . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sips [his]74-tristan drink . “ [I]74-tristan can drop [you]74-tristan at [Pilates [Paul]156-paul ’s house]4156-pilates paul ’s house on the way [home]341-home , if [you]74-tristan wish . [I]74-tristan ’m sure [he]156-paul has a spare pink headband for [you]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [Harry]141-harry glares at [him]74-tristan . [Tristan]74-tristan smiles broadly back . [Tristan]74-tristan sits back in [his]74-tristan chair , proud of how the vote went . “ Well , [I]74-tristan have to say [I]74-tristan ’m very relieved . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan reaches over and takes [my]0-i hand in [his]74-tristan . [The boys]3247-the boys ’ eyes all nearly pop from [their]3247-the boys sockets as [they]3247-the boys watch . “ What are [you]3247-the boys ordering , [boys]4158-boys ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks casually , as if nothing is wrong . “ [I]74-tristan ’m having the steak . ”[74-tristan] Over the next hour [I]0-i sit as [a spectator]1941-a spectator and watch [Tristan]74-tristan interact with [the boys]3247-the boys . [He]74-tristan chats and listens and laughs , and [I]0-i really have to wonder how it is that [he]74-tristan ’s so good with [them]3247-the boys . It ’s as if [he]74-tristan has a world of experience with [teenagers]853-teenagers , when [he]74-tristan actually has none . [Harry]141-harry is obnoxious and constantly trying [his]141-harry hardest to ruffle [him]141-harry , but [Tristan]74-tristan casually deflects [his]74-tristan comments , as if [he]74-tristan has n’t heard them . [Patrick]93-patrick hangs on [his]93-patrick every word and has [his]93-patrick chair up so close to [Tristan]74-tristan ’s that [he]93-patrick is almost on [his]93-patrick lap . [His]93-patrick little hand rests on [Tristan]74-tristan ’s thigh as [they]1944-they talk . And [Fletcher]96-fletcher — well , [he]96-fletcher and [Tristan]74-tristan speak a language that nobody other than [the two of [them]1944-they]1598-the two of them gets . [They]1944-they snicker and laugh at private jokes . [The waitress]1274-the waitress arrives with the hugest pile of ice cream and cake . It ’s shaped like a spaceship . “ Here [we]1947-we go . ”[1274-the waitress] [She]1274-the waitress smiles . “ Death by Chocolate . ”[1274-the waitress] [She]1274-the waitress sets it down in front of [Harry]141-harry , and [we]1947-we all gasp as [we]1947-we stare at the mountain of sugar . [She]1274-the waitress sets [our]1947-we tiny little desserts in front of [the rest of [us]1947-we]1948-the rest of us . “ Thank [you]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ Well , well , well , Wiz , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says . “ [I]74-tristan ’ll make a bet with [you]141-harry . If [you]141-harry eat every last bite of that , [you]141-harry get to pick what dinner [I]74-tristan make tomorrow night . ”[74-tristan] [Harry]141-harry ’s eyes hold [his]74-tristan , [his]141-harry interest suddenly piqued . “ Anything [I]141-harry want ? ”[141-harry] “ Anything , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan replies . “ Cockroaches . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan snickers . [The boys]3247-the boys and [I]0-i groan in horror . [Tristan]74-tristan cracks [his]74-tristan knuckles . “ [My]74-tristan specialty , actually . Crumbed or fried ? ”[74-tristan] [The waitress]1274-the waitress walks past . “ Excuse [me]74-tristan , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan calls to [her]1274-the waitress . “ Yes . ”[74-tristan] “ Can [we]4159-we have a pot of english breakfast tea with milk , please ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan gestures to [me]0-i . “ Of course , ”[1274-the waitress] [she]1274-the waitress replies as [she]1274-the waitress disappears into [the kitchen]928-the kitchen . [I]0-i look over at [the beautiful man beside [me]0-i]1952-the beautiful man beside me . [He]1952-the beautiful man beside me knows that [I]0-i like granny tea with [my]0-i dessert . [He]74-tristan pays attention to the small things , and it ’s the small things that matter . “ But , [Wiz]189-wiz , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan adds , “ if [you]189-wiz do n’t eat all that dessert , every last bite , [you]189-wiz have to cook what [I]74-tristan want for dinner tomorrow night . ”[74-tristan] “ Deal , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry snaps . “ Piece of cake . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan gets to work on [his]74-tristan mountain of dessert , and [I]0-i watch [[my]0-i family]4052-my family around the table . It ’s like [Tris]74-tristan has always been [here]3039-here , and it ’s bizarre — in one dinner [he]74-tristan has [the boys]3247-the boys all agreed that [we]1956-us ’re dating . [They]3247-the boys seem weirdly okay with [him]74-tristan holding [my]0-i hand . . . and [he]74-tristan has opened [them]3247-the boys up to having dinner with [us]1956-us again tomorrow night . There ’s a reason [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is [the takeover king]1957-the takeover king . When [he]74-tristan knows what [he]74-tristan wants , [he]74-tristan goes and gets it . A charming , aggressive sales pitch that is second to none . [The master magician]1958-the master magician . “ Oh God , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry moans from the back seat . “ [I]141-harry ’m going to be sick . ”[141-harry] “ If [you]74-tristan vomit on [us]1956-us , [I]96-fletcher ’m breaking [your]74-tristan nose , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher warns [him]74-tristan . [Tristan]74-tristan smiles . [His]74-tristan eyes flick up to the rearview mirror to [a very full and sick Harry]1959-a very full and sick harry . “ Maybe [you]141-harry should punch [him]74-tristan in the stomach now , [Fletch]145-fletch . . . [you]141-harry know , just for fun . ”[74-tristan] “ Oh no . [Mom]3387-mom ! ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry cries . “ Tell [them]1956-us to stop talking . [I]141-harry ’m serious ; [I]141-harry might throw up . ”[141-harry] “ [Wimp]190-wimp , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan mouths to [himself]74-tristan as [we]1960-we drive . [I]0-i look over at [his]74-tristan pleased - with - [himself]74-tristan face . “ [I]0-i ’m quite sure this is some form of child abuse . ”[0-i] [Tristan]74-tristan lets out an evil laugh . “ Death by Chocolate , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says in a monster voice . “ Prepare to die . ”[74-tristan] “ Oh , stop talking about it , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry moans . “ [I]141-harry ca n’t even think about chocolate anymore . ”[141-harry] “ Whatever [you]141-harry do , [Wiz]4161-wiz , do n’t think about fish milkshakes or slimy brains or anything gross . ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry wails in pain . “ [Tristan]74-tristan ! ”[141-harry] [the whole car]1961-the whole car cries . “ If [he]74-tristan throws up on [me]96-fletcher , [I]96-fletcher ’m rubbing it on [you]74-tristan , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher calls . “ Yeah ! ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick yells . “ [Me]93-patrick too . ”[93-patrick] “ [You]74-tristan do know”—I[74-tristan] look over at [the master teaser]1962-the master teaser as [he]74-tristan drives—“if [he]74-tristan throws up , it is in [[your]74-tristan car]3480-your car . Who do [you]74-tristan think is cleaning it up ? Because it wo n’t be [me]93-patrick . ”[93-patrick] [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes dart to [me]0-i in horror . [He]74-tristan did n’t think of that , did [he]74-tristan ? [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan foot down and steps on the gas . [His]74-tristan eyes flick to the rearview mirror and [Harry]141-harry . “ Hang on , [Wiz]189-wiz . Nearly there , [buddy]3394-buddy . ”[74-tristan] An hour later , [we]1963-we walk out the front door and toward [[Tristan]74-tristan ’s car]1964-tristan ’s car , parked on [the street]264-the street . [He]74-tristan came in for a little while but is leaving now . [Patrick]93-patrick is holding [Tristan]74-tristan ’s hand . [He]93-patrick has n’t left [us]1963-we alone for a minute . [Surprisingly]191-surprisingly , [Fletcher]96-fletcher and [Harrison]141-harry are lingering too . “ So . . . [I]74-tristan wonder where [I]74-tristan can buy cockroaches . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan sighs . “ Is there like a market or something ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile . [He]74-tristan lost the bet . [Harry]141-harry is picking what [we]1963-we eat tomorrow night . “ [I]0-i ’m not eating cockroaches , [Harrison]141-harry , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Pick something more food - like . ”[0-i] [Harry]141-harry twists [his]141-harry lips as [he]141-harry thinks . “ Umm . . . ”[141-harry] “ Something good , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says . “ [I]74-tristan want to show off [my]74-tristan culinary skills to [[your]141-harry mother]3465-your mother . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i giggle . Little does [he]74-tristan know there is no need to show off — [I]0-i am utterly impressed already . “ [Mom]123-mom likes pasta carbonara , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick says . [His]93-patrick eyes widen , as if [he]93-patrick ’s surprised that [he]93-patrick remembers that piece of information . “ [I]93-patrick do . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i smile . “ It ’s [Harry]141-harry ’s pick , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan replies . “ Umm . . . ”[74-tristan] [Harry]141-harry looks over to [me]0-i , and [I]0-i know [he]141-harry wants to pick something horrible but now will feel bad if [I]0-i do n’t get [my]0-i favorite meal . “ Fine . ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry sighs . “ [Carbonara]43-carbonara it is . ”[141-harry] “ Okay , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says as [he]74-tristan looks among [us]1966-us . “ Pasta it is . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan eyes come to [me]0-i , and [I]0-i know [he]74-tristan ’s internally navigating how to say goodbye with all [[our]1966-us spectators]1967-our spectators . “ [Tricky]174-tricky . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan messes up [Patrick]93-patrick ’s hair . “ [Fletch]145-fletch and [Wiz]189-wiz . See [you]0-i tomorrow . ”[74-tristan] [They]1966-us all stand and wait for [him]74-tristan to drive off . Go inside , will [you]1968-you ? [He]74-tristan reaches up and tenderly touches [my]0-i face . “ [Anderson]96-fletcher . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i heart nearly explodes in [my]0-i chest , and [I]0-i want to throw [myself]0-i into [his]74-tristan arms . “ Goodbye , [Tris]74-tristan . ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick still has [Tristan]74-tristan ’s hand in a viselike grip . [He]93-patrick looks up [the road]1474-the road with a worried face . “ [I]93-patrick do n’t want [you]0-i to go [home]341-home , ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick stammers . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan frowns . “ What if there ’s [a drunk driver]4166-a drunk driver ? ”[74-tristan] [He]93-patrick looks around in a panic . “ It ’s very dark , and . . . it ’s not safe . ”[1970-drunk driver] [Drunk driver]1970-drunk driver . [He]1970-drunk driver ’s referring to the way [[his]93-patrick father]357-his father died . “ [Darling]192-darling , it ’s okay . There ’s no need to worry , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . [Patrick]93-patrick ’s eyes are filled with tears . “ What if something goes wrong ? ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick whispers as [he]93-patrick looks between [us]1972-us . “ Bad things happen to [good people]4167-good people , [Mom]123-mom . ”[93-patrick] [My]0-i heart breaks . [Tristan]74-tristan drops to [his]74-tristan knee in front of [Patrick]93-patrick and looks up at [him]93-patrick . “ [You]74-tristan ’re worried about [me]74-tristan driving [home]341-home ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan frowns as [he]74-tristan pushes the hair back from [Patrick]93-patrick ’s forehead . [Patrick]93-patrick fidgets nervously with [his]93-patrick fingers and nods , ashamed . [Tristan]74-tristan stares at [him]93-patrick for a moment and then stands . “ Okay . ”[74-tristan] “ Okay what ? ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick replies . “ Okay , [I]93-patrick wo n’t go [home]341-home . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i frown . [He]74-tristan takes [Patrick]93-patrick ’s hand and begins to walk back into [the house]924-the house . “ Come on . [I]74-tristan ’ll sleep on the couch . ”[74-tristan] “ [Tris]74-tristan , it ’s okay . [You]74-tristan do n’t have to , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . [He]74-tristan turns back to [me]0-i . “ Yeah , [I]74-tristan do , [Claire]93-patrick . [I]74-tristan do n’t want [him]74-tristan to worry about anything , least of all [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan turns , and with [Fletch]145-fletch and [Harry]141-harry trailing behind [them]1974-them , [they]1974-them disappear into [the house]924-the house . [I]0-i blink . . . huh ? What just happened ? [I]0-i stand in the dark and stare at [[my]0-i house]3381-my house . [I]0-i do n’t want [him]74-tristan to worry about anything , least of all [me]0-i . Emotion overwhelms [me]0-i , and [I]0-i get a lump in [my]0-i throat . It ’s been so long since [I]0-i ’ve felt like this . It feels nice . [Tristan]74-tristan [I]0-i toss and turn as [I]0-i try to get comfortable . Who fucking designed this piece - of - shit couch ? [They]1977-they should be fired on the spot . What if there ’s [a drunk driver]4166-a drunk driver ? [Patrick]93-patrick ’s words come back to [me]0-i , and [my]0-i heart breaks . . . [that poor little kid]1979-that poor little kid . [He]1979-that poor little kid ’s so small , half the size of [other kids [his]1979-that poor little kid age]1980-other kids his age ; [he]1979-that poor little kid has reading difficulties ; and now [I]0-i find out that [he]1979-that poor little kid ’s so traumatized about [drunk drivers]1981-drunk drivers that [he]1979-that poor little kid worries . God , what a nightmare . [I]0-i think about how excited [he]1979-that poor little kid was that [I]0-i was staying , and [I]0-i smile to [myself]0-i . [I]0-i hear the stair creak , and [I]0-i glance up to see [Claire]93-patrick tiptoeing down in the darkness . [She]1982-she ’s wearing a white nightdress , [her]1982-she hair is in a messy braid , and [she]1982-she looks as beautiful as ever . [I]0-i scoot over to make room . “ Hi . ”[1982-she] [She]1982-she smiles as [she]1982-she sits beside [me]0-i on the couch . “ Hi . ”[1982-she] [I]0-i put [my]0-i hand on [her]1982-she thigh . Finally , [I]0-i can touch [her]1982-she . [She]1982-she brushes the hair back from [my]0-i forehead as [she]1982-she watches [me]0-i in the darkness . [We]1983-we stare at [each other]286-each other , and it ’s there between [us]1983-we , this magical spell [she]1982-she casts on [me]0-i . It swirls in the air , steals [my]0-i breath , and makes [me]0-i ache for [her]1982-she . [She]1982-she cups [my]0-i face in [her]1982-she hand and stares at [me]0-i for a moment . “ [I]1982-she love [you]0-i , [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[1982-she] [she]1982-she whispers . [I]0-i get a lump in [my]0-i throat as [my]0-i eyes search [hers]1982-she . “ A . . . great deal , actually . ”[1982-she] “ It ’s about fucking time , [Anderson]96-fletcher , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [She]1982-she smiles as [she]1982-she leans down and kisses [me]0-i softly . [Her]1982-she lips linger over [mine]0-i . [Our]1985-our faces meld together as [we]1985-our hold [each other]286-each other tight . This is special . . . [she]1982-she is special . “ [I]1982-she . . . ”[1982-she] [She]1982-she puts [her]1982-she finger over [my]0-i lips . “ This is n’t about how [you]0-i feel , ”[1982-she] [she]1982-she cuts [me]0-i off . “ This is about [me]1982-she . . . loving [you]0-i . [I]1982-she wanted to tell [you]0-i , and [I]1982-she know it ’s premature . But [I]1982-she ca n’t hold it in anymore . It does n’t matter how [you]0-i feel about [me]1982-she , but [I]1982-she wanted [you]0-i to know how [I]1982-she feel about [you]0-i . ”[1982-she] [I]0-i smile up at [the beautiful woman in front of [me]0-i]1987-the beautiful woman in front of me , and [I]0-i tuck a piece of [her]1987-the beautiful woman in front of me hair behind [her]1987-the beautiful woman in front of me ear . [I]0-i do love [you]1987-the beautiful woman in front of me . [I]0-i pull [her]1987-the beautiful woman in front of me down to [me]0-i , and [we]1988-we kiss more urgently . [My]0-i tongue swipes through [her]1987-the beautiful woman in front of me open lips with a hunger for intimacy . “ This needs to be celebrated . ”[0-i] “ [I]1987-the beautiful woman in front of me know . ”[1987-the beautiful woman in front of me] [She]1987-the beautiful woman in front of me smiles against [my]0-i lips . “ But [we]1988-we ca n’t . ”[1987-the beautiful woman in front of me] [We]1988-we kiss again . “ Not yet , ”[1987-the beautiful woman in front of me] [she]1987-the beautiful woman in front of me breathes . “ Can [you]1987-the beautiful woman in front of me lie with [me]0-i for a while ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [I]0-i can do that . ”[0-i] [She]1987-the beautiful woman in front of me gets under [my]0-i blanket and lies half over [my]0-i body and kisses [my]0-i chest . [We]1988-we lie together in the darkness . It ’s quiet , and [I]0-i can feel [her]1987-the beautiful woman in front of me heartbeat against [my]0-i chest . It ’s not sexual or urgent but a closeness and a sense of belonging to each other . A deep connection . [She]1987-the beautiful woman in front of me ’s snuggled into [my]0-i chest , and [I]0-i smile into the darkness . [She]1987-the beautiful woman in front of me loves [me]0-i . For the first time in [my]0-i life , [I]0-i feel at [home]341-home . [We]1988-we walk down [the bustling street]1990-the bustling street . “ That went well , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . [We]1988-we just had a meeting across [town]3684-town , and a price was agreed to on [a company [we]1988-we have been trying to get for over twelve months]1992-a company we have been trying to get for over twelve months . “ It did , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher replies . “ Watch what happens now , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [They]4170-they will suddenly be urgent for the takeover to happen . ”[0-i] “ Why is that ? ”[96-fletcher] “ This is what happens — [they]4170-they resist and resist so that by the time [we]1988-we take over , [they]4170-they are so over it that [they]4170-they just want to get out . ”[96-fletcher] “ No way , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher gasps as [he]96-fletcher stops in front of [a shop]1993-a shop window . [He]96-fletcher takes out [his]96-fletcher phone and takes a photo of something . “ What ? ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i go back to see what [he]96-fletcher ’s looking at . “ That ’s [Harrison]141-harry ’s screen saver . ”[96-fletcher] “ What is ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ [The rocket]4171-the rocket . It ’s [a model that [you]96-fletcher have to build]4172-a model that you have to build . ”[0-i] “ Huh ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i peer into [the shop]1994-the shop to see a huge red - and - gold rocket with all the bells and whistles on display . “ [Harry]141-harry likes this kind of thing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ This is [his]141-harry ultimate . [Mom]123-mom wo n’t buy it for [him]141-harry because [she]123-mom says [he]141-harry wo n’t be able to do it . It ’s way too hard . [He]141-harry ’s asked for it two Christmases in a row . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare at the model as [my]0-i mind races . Hmm . . . “ Very interesting , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter under [my]0-i breath . “ Wait till [I]96-fletcher send [him]141-harry the pic . [He]141-harry ’s going to go batshit crazy , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher whispers . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i stare at [the elusive spaceship]1995-the elusive spaceship . “ That ’s a normal state for [him]141-harry , is n’t it ? ”[0-i] [Fletch]145-fletch shrugs . “ [I]0-i guess . ”[0-i] “ Let ’s check it out . ”[0-i] [I]0-i walk into [the store]3181-the store , and the bell goes off over the door . This is very old school . “ Can [I]1997-an old man with white hair help [you]0-i ? ”[1997-an old man with white hair] [an old man with white hair]1997-an old man with white hair asks . [He]1997-an old man with white hair looks a little like [Santa Claus]193-santa claus . “ Yes , [I]1997-an old man with white hair was interested in the spaceship model in the window . ”[1997-an old man with white hair] “ Oh . ”[1997-an old man with white hair] [He]1997-an old man with white hair twists [his]1997-an old man with white hair hands together . “ That ’s for [experienced modelers]4173-experienced modelers only . [I]1997-an old man with white hair doubt [you]0-i would be able to complete it . ”[1997-an old man with white hair] [I]0-i stare at [him]1997-an old man with white hair deadpan . Do n’t assume [you]1997-an old man with white hair know what [I]0-i can do . “ And what makes [you]1997-an old man with white hair think [we]4174-we would n’t be able to do this ? ”[1997-an old man with white hair] “ Well . ”[1997-an old man with white hair] [He]1997-an old man with white hair gives [me]0-i a condescending smile . “ [I]1997-an old man with white hair can see [you]0-i are not [a modeler]4175-a modeler . ”[1997-an old man with white hair] “ How so ? ”[1997-an old man with white hair] “ Well . ”[1997-an old man with white hair] [He]1997-an old man with white hair holds [his]1997-an old man with white hair hands up toward [Fletcher]96-fletcher and [me]0-i . “ [Your]0-i suits tell [me]1997-an old man with white hair [you]0-i are in big business . ”[1997-an old man with white hair] [Fletcher]96-fletcher and [I]0-i exchange a glance . Do n’t piss [me]0-i off , [old man]1998-old man . “ [We]0-i ’ll take it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [I]0-i must advise — ”[0-i] “ Wrap it up , ”[0-i] [I]0-i cut [him]1997-an old man with white hair off . [He]1997-an old man with white hair raises [his]1997-an old man with white hair eyebrows . “ Very well . ”[1997-an old man with white hair] [He]1997-an old man with white hair disappears out the back . “ [Old wanker]4176-old wanker , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [I]0-i know , right ? ”[0-i] [Fletcher]96-fletcher whispers back . Five whole minutes later [he]1997-an old man with white hair comes back with the biggest box [I]0-i ’ve ever seen . “ That will be six hundred and twenty - five dollars . ”[1997-an old man with white hair] “ What ? ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes widen . “ For a toy ? ”[1997-an old man with white hair] [He]1997-an old man with white hair gives [me]0-i that smile again , and [I]0-i imagine [myself]0-i hitting [him]1997-an old man with white hair over the head with the gigantic box . “ Fine , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap as [I]0-i take out [my]0-i wallet . “ This better take [us]4177-us to the moon when [it]4178-it ’s built . ”[0-i] “ If it ’s built . ”[1997-an old man with white hair] [He]1997-an old man with white hair smirks . [I]0-i raise an eyebrow at [the know - it - all old man]1999-the know - it - all old man . “ [You]0-i know , it would n’t hurt to brush up on [your]0-i customer service . . . it ’s severely lacking . ”[1997-an old man with white hair] [He]1997-an old man with white hair smiles sweetly . “ [We]4177-us do n’t do returns , so when [you]0-i realize [I]1997-an old man with white hair was right and [you]0-i were wrong , do n’t ask for [your]0-i money back , [Mr. . . . Big Business]4179-mr. . . . big business . ”[1997-an old man with white hair] [I]0-i stare at [the man over the counter]2000-the man over the counter as [I]0-i imagine [myself]0-i sticking the rocket up [his]1997-an old man with white hair ass . [Fletcher]96-fletcher grabs [my]0-i arm to distract [me]0-i . “ Goodbye , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher says as [he]96-fletcher pulls [me]0-i from [the shop]1994-the shop . [We]2002-we stumble out onto [the street]264-the street with the huge box . “ What ’s [his]1997-an old man with white hair fucking problem ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper angrily . “ [I]0-i hate [that old bastard]4180-that old bastard . ”[0-i] “ Yeah , well , [I]0-i ’m pretty sure [he]1997-an old man with white hair hates [you]0-i too . ”[0-i] “ [Tristan]74-tristan , [[your]74-tristan mother]3465-your mother is on [her]3465-your mother way down to [[your]74-tristan office]3433-your office . ”[137-sammia] [Sammia]137-sammia ’s voice comes through [my]0-i intercom . “ Thanks , [Sam]180-samuel . ”[137-sammia] [I]0-i hit send on the email [I]0-i ’ve been writing . Then . . . knock , knock . “ Come in , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . [[My]0-i mother]762-my mother ’s warm smile comes into view , and [I]0-i stand immediately . “ Hello , [Mom]123-mom . ”[0-i] [I]0-i rush to [her]762-my mother and kiss [her]762-my mother cheek . “ Hello , [darling]3709-darling . ”[762-my mother] [She]762-my mother hugs [me]0-i . “ [I]762-my mother just came to check on [[my]762-my mother favorite son]4184-my favorite son . ”[762-my mother] [I]0-i chuckle . [She]762-my mother says that to [all four of [us]2005-all four of us]2005-all four of us . . . apparently , [we]2005-all four of us are each [[her]762-my mother favorite son]2006-her favorite son . “ Take a seat . Do [you]762-my mother want some tea ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Yes , please , that would be lovely . ”[762-my mother] [She]762-my mother sits down and crosses [her]762-my mother legs . [I]0-i hit the intercom . “ [Sammia]137-sammia , can [you]762-my mother ask [someone]3143-someone to bring in some tea for [Mom]3387-mom , please ? ”[0-i] “ Sure can . ”[0-i] “ Thanks . ”[0-i] [My]0-i attention turns back to [[my]0-i mother]762-my mother . “ So . . . ”[0-i] “ So . . . ”[762-my mother] [She]762-my mother widens [her]762-my mother eyes with a smile . “ [I]762-my mother ’ve had a hysterical [Melina]184-melina at [[our]4187-our apartment]4188-our apartment all day . ”[762-my mother] “ Oh God . ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Do n’t roll [your]0-i eyes , [Tristan]74-tristan . [She]762-my mother ’s very hurt . ”[0-i] “ [Mom]123-mom . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stand in exasperation . “ [We]4187-our broke up six months ago . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i were taking a break . ”[0-i] “ There ’s no such thing as a break , [Mom]123-mom . That ’s what [you]0-i say to try and make it less painful . As soon as [you]0-i hear the word break . . . it means it ’s over . [Everyone]382-everyone knows that . ”[762-my mother] [She]762-my mother exhales heavily and looks at [me]0-i . “ What ? ”[762-my mother] “ [She]762-my mother said [you]0-i ’re seeing [someone]3143-someone . ”[762-my mother] “ [I]0-i am . ”[0-i] [I]0-i lean [my]0-i behind on [my]0-i desk and fold [my]0-i arms . . . here [we]2008-we go . “ Why have n’t [you]0-i told [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ Because [you]0-i ’re still playing tea parties with [Melina]184-melina three times a week . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ And [I]0-i do n’t need [anyone]393-anyone ’s approval , [Mom]123-mom . . . not this time . ”[0-i] [She]762-my mother watches [me]0-i , and [I]0-i know a million questions are on the tip of [her]762-my mother tongue . “ Who is [she]184-melina ? ”[762-my mother] [I]0-i clench [my]0-i jaw . [I]0-i am not in the mood for this . “ [Her]184-melina name is [Claire]93-patrick . ”[0-i] “ And who is [Claire]93-patrick . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ [Somebody . . . special]4192-somebody . . . special . ”[0-i] [She]762-my mother watches [me]0-i intently . “ It ’s serious , then ? ”[762-my mother] “ Yes . ”[0-i] “ [She]184-melina ’s divorced ? ”[0-i] “ [Widowed]194-widowed . [Three boys]3075-three boys . And yes , [Mom]123-mom , [I]0-i ’m in love with [her]184-melina , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . [Her]762-my mother eyebrows rise in surprise . “ How old is [she]184-melina ? ”[762-my mother] [My]0-i eyes drop to the ground . “ How old is [she]184-melina , [Tristan]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] “ Thirty - eight . ”[762-my mother] “ So — ”[0-i] [She]762-my mother cuts [herself]762-my mother off . “ So what , [Mom]123-mom ? What do [you]123-mom want to say ? ”[762-my mother] “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[762-my mother] [She]762-my mother pauses , as if choosing [her]762-my mother words carefully . “ If [you]0-i end up with [this woman]848-this woman , [you]0-i wo n’t have [children]336-children of [your]0-i own . [She]184-melina does n’t have much time — that ’s if [she]184-melina even wanted to . ”[762-my mother] “ Probably not . ”[0-i] [I]0-i inhale sharply . [I]0-i hate the cold hard facts . “ And [you]123-mom ’re okay with this ? ”[0-i] “ [I]762-my mother have to be , [Mom]123-mom . It is what it is , and [I]762-my mother ca n’t turn off [my]762-my mother feelings for [her]184-melina . [I]762-my mother tried that already . And perhaps [she]184-melina could , [Mom]123-mom . [She]184-melina ’s only thirty - eight , and [you]123-mom never know . [We]4196-we may be blessed with [a child]3292-a child . ”[762-my mother] “ [Tris]74-tristan , ”[2009-she] [she]2009-she whispers . “ It will take years for [her]184-melina to be ready to start again with [another man]531-another man . By then it will be too late . Deep down [you]123-mom already know that . ”[2009-she] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face . The truth hurts . “ Do n’t . ”[0-i] “ How can [I]762-my mother not worry , [darling]3709-darling ? ”[762-my mother] “ [Mom]123-mom . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ Trust [me]0-i on this . [Claire]93-patrick is nothing like anyone [I]0-i ’ve ever dated before . [You]123-mom will like [her]184-melina . There ’s a lot to like about [this woman]848-this woman . . . everything , actually . ”[0-i] [Her]2009-she worried eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ [I]2009-she ’m bringing [her]184-melina on Saturday night . ”[2009-she] [She]2009-she rolls [her]2009-she eyes . “ What does that mean ? ”[2009-she] “ It means . . . [I]2009-she ’ll see [you]0-i on Saturday night . ”[2009-she] [She]2009-she stands . “ [You]0-i ’re leaving ? ”[2009-she] “ Yes . ”[2009-she] [She]2009-she sighs . [I]0-i exhale heavily , annoyed with how [our]2010-our conversation has gone . “ And cut ties with [Melina]184-melina , please . [She]184-melina ’s [[my]0-i ex - girlfriend]4201-my ex - girlfriend . It ’s weird . ”[0-i] “ [Tristan]74-tristan , [I]0-i ’m friends with [all of [[your]74-tristan ex - girlfriends]4203-your ex - girlfriends]4202-all of your ex - girlfriends . [I]0-i ca n’t just cut [them]4202-all of your ex - girlfriends off like [you]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ [I]0-i just do n’t know how [you]74-tristan can be so coldhearted to [these women who love [you]74-tristan]4204-these women who love you . [My]0-i heart breaks for [them]4204-these women who love you . [Melina]184-melina is absolutely devastated . ”[0-i] “ [She]184-melina ’ll get over it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look [[my]0-i mother]762-my mother in the eye . “ [She]184-melina does n’t love [me]0-i , [Mom]123-mom . [She]184-melina loves [my]0-i money and [my]0-i surname . Just like the rest of [them]4204-these women who love you did . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head in disgust . “ Why would [you]0-i say that ? ”[762-my mother] [she]762-my mother snaps . “ Because it ’s the truth . [You]0-i be nice to [Claire]93-patrick . . . [she]184-melina ’s important to [me]762-my mother . ”[762-my mother] [She]762-my mother marches to the door and then looks back . “ [I]762-my mother want [[my]762-my mother son]1115-my son to have [[his]1115-my son own family]4206-his own family . ”[762-my mother] “ And [I]0-i will , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ It just may not fit into [your]762-my mother perfect little box . ”[0-i] [She]762-my mother shakes [her]762-my mother head and leaves in a huff , and [I]0-i stare at the door [she]762-my mother ’s disappeared through . A knock sounds at the door . “ Hello , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . [Fletcher]96-fletcher pokes [his]96-fletcher head around the door . “ Hi , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher says nervously . “ [I]96-fletcher ’ve got the tea [you]0-i wanted . ”[96-fletcher] “ Hey , [buddy]3394-buddy . ”[0-i] [I]0-i fall into [my]0-i seat , and [I]0-i gesture to [my]0-i desk . “ Bring it in . ”[0-i] [He]96-fletcher walks in and with shaky hands puts it down onto the desk . [He]96-fletcher lingers , as if waiting , and [my]0-i eyes rise to meet [his]96-fletcher . “ [I]96-fletcher heard what [[your]0-i mother]3465-your mother said , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher says softly . [I]0-i bite [my]0-i bottom lip in anger . “ [I]0-i ’m sorry . Ignore [her]3465-your mother . ”[0-i] “ [She]3465-your mother does n’t want [you]0-i to date [[my]96-fletcher mom]3464-my mom ? ”[96-fletcher] [His]96-fletcher eyes search [mine]0-i . [I]0-i shrug . “ [You]0-i do n’t want [[your]0-i own kids]4210-your own kids ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher asks . “ [I]96-fletcher do . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i undo [my]0-i tie with a sharp snap . “ But [I]0-i want [[your]96-fletcher mother]3465-your mother more . ”[0-i] Chapter 19 Claire [I]0-i exhale heavily and stare at the spreadsheet on the computer screen in front of [me]0-i . [I]0-i ca n’t believe [I]0-i rejected [Gabriel]86-gabriel ’s offer of help . What was [I]0-i thinking ? Obviously . . . [I]0-i clearly was n’t . [God]97-god . [I]0-i pinch the bridge of [my]0-i nose . This is a nightmare . [We]2012-we just lost the biggest advertising campaign [we]2012-we had , and it ’s not getting any better . [I]0-i ’m going to have to let [more people]2013-more people go this month . Fuck ’s sake . . . [we]2012-we ’re running on [skeleton staff]2014-skeleton staff as it is . [I]0-i do n’t know how [we]2012-we can possibly do what [we]2012-we have to do — and do it well — with the number of staff that [we]2012-we now have . [I]0-i put [my]0-i head into [my]0-i hands and let out a dejected sigh . This is hard . Harder than hard . [I]0-i do n’t know what [I]0-i ’m doing . How the hell do [I]0-i keep [us]2012-we above water for much longer ? If only [Wade]85-wade were [here]3039-here . [He]85-wade would know what to do . [He]85-wade was the brains of [our]2012-we business . Give [him]85-wade a problem , and [he]85-wade could work out a way around it . [He]85-wade saw problems as challenges or learning curves . Nothing was too big an obstacle for [him]85-wade . But [he]85-wade ’s gone . . . and now it ’s just [me]0-i . [God]97-god , [I]0-i feel so out of [my]0-i depth . [I]0-i sit and stare at the computer screen for a long time . Maybe if [I]0-i stare at it long enough , the answer will come to [me]0-i like magic . What do [I]0-i do ? What direction should [I]0-i move in ? [I]0-i know something has to change . . . but what ? Stop . Stop being so negative . [I]0-i can pull [us]2012-we out of this . [I]0-i know [I]0-i can . Reconfigure a few processes , move a few accounts . Streamline the advertising again . It will be okay . . . it has to be . Giving up [this company]3059-this company is not an option . [I]0-i wo n’t go down without a fight , and damn it , it will be okay . [I]0-i ’ll make damn sure of it . [[My]0-i office]298-my office door opens in a rush . “ Just this way , ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley says to [someone]3143-someone . [A man]280-a man comes through the door with the biggest bunch of red roses [I]0-i have ever seen . “ Delivery for [Claire Anderson]81-claire . ”[280-a man] “ That ’s [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . The roses have huge heads with a deep perfume and are in the most beautiful crystal vase . [He]280-a man places them down on [my]0-i desk . “ Sign here , please . ”[280-a man] [I]0-i sign in the allocated box . “ Thank [you]280-a man . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile broadly . “ [You]280-a man ’re welcome . Although [I]77-marley have an admission . [I]77-marley did n’t buy them . ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley and [I]0-i laugh . The joke is n’t funny , but [we]2020-we are so excited that [we]2020-we would laugh at anything , it seems . With a kind nod , [he]280-a man leaves [us]2020-we alone , and [I]0-i open the card . I’M A VERY HAPPY MAN TODAY . # TOBELOVEDBYYOU TRIS xox An over - the - top smile beams from [my]0-i face , and [Marley]77-marley snatches the card from [me]0-i . [She]77-marley reads it , and [her]77-marley eyes rise to meet [mine]0-i in confusion . “ What does that mean ? ”[77-marley] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i lips . “ To be loved by [you]0-i . ”[0-i] [She]77-marley frowns . [I]0-i shrug . [Her]77-marley eyes widen . “ [You]0-i love [him]4212-him ? ”[77-marley] [I]0-i give [her]77-marley a lopsided smile . “ [You]0-i told [him]4212-him [you]0-i love [him]4212-him ? ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley gasps . [I]0-i swing [my]0-i chair back to [my]0-i computer . “ Yes , [Marley]77-marley . [I]0-i admit it ; [I]0-i ’m in love with [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [She]77-marley falls into a seated position on [my]0-i desk and stares at [me]0-i for a while in disbelief . “ Well . . . holy fucking shit , ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley says as [she]77-marley puts [her]77-marley hands on [her]77-marley hips . “ [I]77-marley was not expecting that . ”[77-marley] “ [Me]77-marley neither . ”[77-marley] “ So . . . what ? ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley stares at [me]0-i for a moment as [she]77-marley tries to process the new information . “ [I]77-marley mean , [I]77-marley knew [you]0-i had that week of lunch fucks . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i smile at [her]77-marley analogy . “ Sounds so romantic when [you]77-marley put it like that . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i know what [I]77-marley mean . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley smirks . “ But what happened then ? And more importantly , why the fuck have n’t [you]0-i told [me]77-marley about any of this ? ”[77-marley] “ [I]0-i was just waiting to see what happened , and [I]0-i did n’t want to jinx it . ”[0-i] “ Jinx it ? ”[0-i] “ Well , sometimes when [you]0-i put something out there , it does n’t turn out how [you]0-i expect it to . ”[77-marley] “ So . . . this is turning out ? ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley frowns in surprise . “ Oh , [Marley]77-marley , ”[77-marley] [I]0-i gush as [I]0-i look at [my]0-i beautiful flowers . “ [Tristan]74-tristan is just so . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i search for the right words . “ Funny and sweet and understanding , and [he]74-tristan sleeps on the couch at [[my]0-i house]3381-my house out of respect for [[my]0-i kids]617-my kids . ”[0-i] [She]77-marley screws up [her]77-marley face in disbelief . “ [Tristan Miles]74-tristan ? ”[77-marley] “ Uh - huh . ”[77-marley] “ [Tristan Miles]74-tristan , [the arrogant , gorgeous playboy]4215-the arrogant , gorgeous playboy ? ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley repeats , as if not believing [me]0-i . [I]0-i smile with a nod . “ Yep , that ’s [him]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [She]77-marley frowns at [me]0-i . “ [I]77-marley ’m so confused . [I]77-marley thought [he]74-tristan was [a hot player who had excellent fucking capabilities]4216-a hot player who had excellent fucking capabilities . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i laugh out loud . “ [He]74-tristan ’s all of those things , but there ’s more to [him]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i read [my]0-i card again . I’M [A VERY HAPPY MAN TODAY]2021-a very happy man today . # TOBELOVEDBYYOU TRIS XOX “ To be loved by [you]77-marley . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hold the card to [my]0-i chest . And [he]2022-he is . [Marley]77-marley smiles as [she]77-marley watches [me]0-i , and finally [she]77-marley says , “ [I]77-marley love seeing [you]0-i like this . ”[77-marley] “ Like what , all dreamy and starry eyed like [a schoolgirl]1744-a schoolgirl ? ”[77-marley] “ Happy . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile softly . “ Thanks . [I]77-marley really am . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i put the card carefully back into its envelope . [I]0-i ’ll keep it in a safe place with the other card from the last lot of roses [he]2022-he gave [me]0-i . Everything from [Tristan]74-tristan is special . “ [I]0-i ’m meeting [[his]2022-he family]1821-his family on Saturday night at a black - tie dinner , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Oh jeez . ”[0-i] [Her]77-marley eyes widen . “ What are [you]0-i wearing ? ”[77-marley] “ No idea . This is [my]77-marley worst nightmare . ”[77-marley] “ What do [you]0-i have in [your]0-i wardrobe ? ”[77-marley] “ Nothing . [I]77-marley have n’t bought an evening dress in years . What the hell do [you]0-i even wear to a black - tie dinner these days ? ”[77-marley] “ [We]4219-we ’ll go shopping . Do n’t worry ; [we]4219-we ’ll find [you]0-i something . [You]0-i have to look amazing . ”[77-marley] “ [I]77-marley know . ”[77-marley] Nerves flutter in [my]0-i stomach as [I]0-i imagine meeting [[his]74-tristan parents]2023-his parents and [older brother]2024-older brother , [Jameson]113-jameson . [I]0-i know [their]2025-their opinions are important to [Tris]74-tristan . “ [I]2025-their want to look understated sexy , not like mutton dressed up as lamb . Something age appropriate but not motherly . ”[2025-their] “ Definitely , ”[77-marley] [Marley]77-marley says as [she]77-marley thinks . “ [I]77-marley ’m going to google this . ”[77-marley] “ Dress sense does n’t come up on Google , [Marley]77-marley . ”[2025-their] “ No , but [stylists]4220-stylists do . ”[77-marley] [She]77-marley wiggles [her]77-marley eyebrows . “ [I]77-marley ca n’t afford [a stylist]4221-a stylist . ”[77-marley] “ What [you]77-marley ca n’t afford is to look like a bag of shit . This is [his]4221-a stylist announcement to [the world]259-the world that [you]77-marley and [he]4221-a stylist are together . It ’s an important event , and [everyone]382-everyone is going to be looking at [you]77-marley . Do n’t worry ; [we]4224-we ’ll give [her]77-marley a strict budget to work with . ”[77-marley] [I]0-i stare at [her]77-marley as [I]0-i process [her]77-marley advice . “ Do [you]77-marley think ? Is n’t getting [a stylist]4221-a stylist a bit over the top ? ”[0-i] “ [Claire]81-claire , [everyone in that ballroom]4226-everyone in that ballroom is going to use a stylist , and besides , this is [New York]5-new york . Nothing is over the top . [I]0-i got this . Leave it to [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pull onto [[my]0-i street]2026-my street and see [the black Aston Martin]34-aston martin parked in [[my]0-i driveway]2027-my driveway , and [I]0-i bite [my]0-i lip to stifle [my]0-i smile . [He]2028-him beat [me]0-i [home]341-home . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is at [[my]0-i house]3381-my house . . . with [[my]0-i kids]617-my kids . [Wonders]195-wonders never cease . [I]0-i give a subtle shake of [my]0-i head in disbelief as [I]0-i go over the last few months . What a whirlwind . [I]0-i ’ve gone from hating [him]2028-him to tolerating [him]2028-him to sleeping with [him]2028-him to loving [him]2028-him . [I]0-i pull into [the driveway]910-the driveway and park [[my]0-i car]316-my car alongside [his]2028-him . . . and [I]0-i do love [him]2028-him . Regardless of what happens in the future , [I]0-i love [Tristan]74-tristan . [I]0-i can happily admit it now . [I]0-i walk in through the front door to the sound of oohs and aahs . “ Oh [my]141-harry God , [Mom]123-mom . Look at this , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry cries in excitement . [I]0-i turn the corner to see [them]2034-them all hunched over the dining table , a huge box front and center before [them]2034-them . “ Hello , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . “ [Mom]123-mom , look what [Tristan]74-tristan got [us]2034-them , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry screams . [I]0-i have n’t seen [him]141-harry this excited in forever . “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [my]0-i eyes flick to the gigantic box . “ The rocket ship model . ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry gasps . [My]0-i mouth falls open . “ The what ? ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry reads the back of the box . “ Holy hell , look at this , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry cries as [he]141-harry points to something on the back of the box . [I]0-i blink as [I]0-i try to keep up with what is going on here . “ [Tris]74-tristan , that model is stupidly expensive . ”[0-i] [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes rise to meet [mine]0-i , and [he]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a slow , sexy smile . “ [Anderson]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile as [my]0-i stomach flips . . . [I]0-i know that tone , and [I]0-i know that nickname . “ What have [you]74-tristan done ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]74-tristan bought Wiz a present . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan shrugs casually . “ [He]74-tristan won the bet fair and square and then did n’t get to eat cockroaches . It was only right that [I]74-tristan pay up . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan . “ And it ’s for [the other boys]4227-the other boys as well . [We]3247-the boys ’re all going to do it together . ”[0-i] [The boys]3247-the boys all smile broadly as [they]3247-the boys lean over the box and read it out loud . “ Take it out of the box and lay it all out in the colored numbers . Keep the pieces in [their]3247-the boys individual bags , though . [I]74-tristan ’m going to change [my]74-tristan clothes , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says as [he]74-tristan walks out into [the living room]1371-the living room . [The boys]3247-the boys begin to chatter in excitement as [they]3247-the boys begin to open the box . “ Get the scissors , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry directs . [I]0-i see something from the corner of [my]0-i eye , and [I]0-i turn to see [Tristan]74-tristan giving [me]0-i a come - here curl of [his]74-tristan finger . [I]0-i glance back to [the boys]3247-the boys to see that [they]3247-the boys are completely distracted , and [I]0-i give [him]74-tristan a subtle nod . [He]74-tristan disappears up [the stairs]290-the stairs to [[my]0-i bedroom]2040-my bedroom , and [I]0-i wait for a few moments . “ [I]0-i ’m going to get the washing off the line , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say , and then [I]0-i go out the back door and walk around the front and come in the front door and sneak up [the stairs]290-the stairs . [I]0-i walk into [[my]0-i bedroom]2040-my bedroom , and [he]74-tristan pounces on [me]0-i like a tiger . [He]74-tristan flicks the lock on the door and pins [me]0-i to the wall . “ [Anderson]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers darkly . [His]74-tristan lips take [mine]0-i . [I]0-i smile . “ Hi . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan grinds [himself]74-tristan up against [me]0-i , and [I]0-i can feel that [he]74-tristan ’s hard . [He]74-tristan holds [my]0-i face as [he]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i deeply . “ [You]0-i seem very pleased to see [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile . “ Needy , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan murmurs against [my]0-i lips . “ Needy for what ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i breathe . [He]74-tristan bites [my]0-i neck . “ [I]74-tristan need to be fucked , [Anderson]81-claire . . . and as [[my]74-tristan designated fuckee]4228-my designated fuckee , [you]81-claire need to find a way to make that happen . Tonight . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile as [his]74-tristan hand goes to [my]0-i behind , and [he]74-tristan drags [my]0-i body over [his]74-tristan . [His]74-tristan teeth graze [my]0-i neck , and [I]0-i smile up at the ceiling . [He]74-tristan ’s not joking ; [he]74-tristan really does need to be fucked . [I]0-i can feel the need oozing out of [him]74-tristan . “ How am [I]0-i going to do that ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [I]0-i do n’t know . Get creative . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan pushes [me]0-i back against the wall hard , and [my]0-i body weakens under [his]74-tristan power . “ On the couch tonight — or in the laundry . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i again . “ Fuck [me]74-tristan in [[my]74-tristan car]316-my car out on [the street]264-the street , for all [I]74-tristan care . [I]74-tristan just need [you]0-i to fuck [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ [[Your]74-tristan car]3480-your car is too small , ”[0-i] [I]0-i tease . [He]74-tristan grabs [my]0-i behind aggressively and bites [my]0-i bottom lip , and [I]0-i whimper . “ Do n’t dis [the car]371-the car . ”[74-tristan] With [his]74-tristan eyes locked on [mine]0-i , [he]74-tristan bends and slides [his]74-tristan hand up [my]0-i thigh and through the leg of [my]0-i panties . The backs of [his]74-tristan fingers slide through [my]0-i dripping wet flesh . [He]74-tristan clenches [his]74-tristan jaw as [his]74-tristan eyes flicker with arousal . [We]2043-we stare at [each other]286-each other as the air swirls between [us]2043-we . [I]0-i ’ve never had this before . A physical attraction so strong that all else pales in comparison . “ Or [you]0-i could fuck [me]74-tristan now , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan murmurs as [he]74-tristan slides a finger in deep . [My]0-i eyes flutter closed . God , that feels good . “ [The children]365-the children , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Are distracted . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan unzips [his]74-tristan trousers and falls into a seated position on the side of the bed and then brings [me]0-i over to straddle [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan lifts [my]0-i skirt and pulls [my]0-i panties to the side and in one sharp movement slides home deep . [Our]2043-we mouths fall open at the overwhelming pleasure . [Our]2043-we eyes are locked , and electricity crackles through the air like lightning . [He]74-tristan inhales sharply as [we]2043-we stare at [each other]286-each other . “ So . . . [you]0-i love [me]74-tristan , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers as [his]74-tristan lips take [mine]0-i . [I]0-i begin to slowly rock back and forth . Oh . . . this is good . The feeling of [him]74-tristan inside of [me]0-i is just too good . [I]0-i smile and kiss [his]74-tristan lips with an open mouth . “ [I]74-tristan do . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan mouth to [my]0-i ear . “ Fuck [me]74-tristan like [you]0-i hate [me]74-tristan , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [His]74-tristan grip tightens on [my]0-i behind , and [he]74-tristan begins to move [me]0-i aggressively over [his]74-tristan cock . Suddenly [we]2046-we are frantic . [He]74-tristan ’s lifting [me]0-i and bouncing [me]0-i down hard onto [him]74-tristan , and [I]0-i ’m trying to hold in [my]0-i moans . But it ’s hard to stay silent when [your]2047-your whole world is in beautiful Technicolor . [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan hands on the backs of [my]0-i shoulders and begins to really bring [me]0-i down hard onto [his]74-tristan large cock , and sharp , shooting stars of ecstasy begin to make [me]0-i shudder . [His]74-tristan mouth hangs slack as [he]74-tristan watches [me]0-i . “ Fuck [me]74-tristan , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mouths . “ Fuck [me]74-tristan harder , [Anderson]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i bring [my]0-i feet up onto the bed behind [him]74-tristan , bringing [me]0-i into a squat . [We]2048-we both fall still at the deep position . [He]74-tristan shudders . [His]74-tristan eyes close , and [I]0-i know this is it . The position [he]74-tristan was craving . “ [I]0-i hate [you]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [He]74-tristan chuckles and bites [my]0-i earlobe . Goose bumps scatter up [my]0-i arms . “ [I]74-tristan hate [you]0-i too , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers into [my]0-i ear with a sharp nip . “ Hate [me]74-tristan harder . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile as [he]74-tristan slams [me]0-i down , and [I]0-i shudder . [He]74-tristan holds [himself]74-tristan deep and does the same . [I]0-i feel from the telling jerk of [his]74-tristan cock that [he]74-tristan ’s right here with [me]0-i . [We]2049-we fly to the moon and back , and waves of pleasure bounce between [us]2049-we as [we]2049-we both come in a rush , and then eventually . . . and slowly . . . [we]2049-we come back to [earth]2050-earth . [Our]2049-we hearts race , and [he]74-tristan cups [my]0-i face in [his]74-tristan hands as [he]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i tenderly . “ Did [you]0-i buy [[my]74-tristan children]602-my children a spaceship so that [we]2049-we ’d have time to sneak away and have sex ? ”[74-tristan] “ Absolutely , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan pants . “ One hundred percent . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i giggle as [I]0-i climb off [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i ca n’t believe this — [he]74-tristan cares if [they]2051-they like [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan does n’t want to be tolerated ; [he]74-tristan wants to be a part of [us]2049-we . This is the first night in forever that [everyone]382-everyone has been happy together at the same time . . . including [me]0-i . “ [Genius]196-genius . ”[0-i] [I]0-i kiss [him]74-tristan softly . “ Now get out before [they]2051-they find [you]74-tristan in here . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan flops back onto the bed , arms wide , [his]74-tristan zipper undone with [his]74-tristan dick hanging out , and [I]0-i put [my]0-i hand over [my]0-i mouth to stop [myself]0-i from laughing out loud . [He]74-tristan looks up at [me]0-i . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] “ Too bad [you]0-i have to go and build [a rocket ship]4235-a rocket ship now . . . is n’t it ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan drops [his]74-tristan head back onto the bed . “ Fuck . Do n’t remind [me]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan holds [his]74-tristan hand out , and [I]0-i take it . [He]74-tristan pulls [me]0-i down on top of [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i softly as [he]74-tristan brushes the hair back from [my]0-i forehead . “ It was worth it . ”[74-tristan] Ninety minutes later “ This is bullshit , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan snaps . “ Language , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i remind [him]74-tristan as [I]0-i chop onions , and [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i look over at [the four boys sitting around the dining table]2053-the four boys sitting around the dining table . “ What kind of imbecile packages things like this ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan mutters . [They]2053-the four boys sitting around the dining table go through the bags and slide them from one place to another as [they]2053-the four boys sitting around the dining table count . “ Not this way . That way , ”[141-harry] [Harrison]141-harry snaps . “ What are [you]74-tristan going on about over there ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [You]74-tristan have n’t even started it yet ? ”[0-i] “ There are one hundred and forty — ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan mutters . “ Forty - five , ”[141-harry] [Harrison]141-harry interrupts . “ One hundred and forty - five ziplock bags of parts in this box , [Claire]81-claire . ”[141-harry] The parts are all perfectly compartmentalized into color - coded ziplock bags . [They]2053-the four boys sitting around the dining table are trying to locate a missing bag . [I]0-i smirk as [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan lose [his]74-tristan cool for the tenth time in twenty minutes . “ If it ’s too hard for [you]81-claire . . . take it back . ”[0-i] “ No ! ”[3247-the boys] [the boys]3247-the boys all cry in unison . “ Oh . . . [we]2053-the four boys sitting around the dining table ’re taking it back , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan hisses through gritted teeth . “ [We]2053-the four boys sitting around the dining table ’re taking [it]4236-it back completely built , and [I]74-tristan ’m going to stick it in the old buzzard where the sun does n’t shine . [I]74-tristan ’m putting an engine on [this mofo]4237-this mofo , and [we]2053-the four boys sitting around the dining table ’re going to fly [it]4236-it through [his]74-tristan damn shop window . ”[74-tristan] [Patrick]93-patrick looks up at [Tristan]74-tristan . “ What , in the nighttime ? ”[93-patrick] [He]74-tristan frowns as [he]74-tristan climbs onto [his]74-tristan lap . “ Yeah , [Tricky]174-tricky , that ’s it . Nighttime , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mutters , distracted . “ Why do [you]74-tristan dislike [this shopkeeper]4238-this shopkeeper so much ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i continue to chop . “ [He]4238-this shopkeeper was a jerkoff , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan mutters . “ [Tristan]74-tristan . . . language , ”[0-i] [I]0-i remind [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan looks up and frowns . “ Jerk off is n’t a swear word . It ’s a verb , [Claire]93-patrick . . . a doing word . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes , and [Fletcher]96-fletcher chuckles . “ If [you]74-tristan ca n’t say it in [church]4239-church , it is a swear word , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick announces . “ [I]74-tristan ’m pretty sure that [priests]4240-priests know the meaning of the word , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan mutters dryly . “ Why did n’t [you]74-tristan look at the instructions before [you]74-tristan bought it ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]74-tristan would have , except these are n’t instructions . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan holds up a bound book . “ These are directions on how to go insane . [People]406-people have been institutionalized while reading this book , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan flicks through the book in disgust . “ [Nobody]3093-nobody can understand these instructions . [The smartest man in [the world]259-the world]4243-the smartest man in the world could n’t . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile . So damn dramatic . “ [I]0-i thought [you]74-tristan were [the smartest man in [the world]259-the world]4243-the smartest man in the world , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Well , precisely . [I]74-tristan am , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan adds . “ But how can [I]74-tristan put something together when [I]74-tristan ca n’t even understand the stupid instructions ? ”[74-tristan] “ Give [me]141-harry that , ”[141-harry] [Harrison]141-harry sneers as [he]141-harry snatches the booklet from [Tristan]74-tristan . [He]141-harry studies the pictures and then frowns and begins to go through the bags again . “ Watch out , [Tricky]174-tricky . ”[141-harry] [Tristan]74-tristan taps [his]74-tristan little lap sitter . “ Hop up , [buddy]3394-buddy . [I]141-harry need a coffee . ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry stands and grabs a mug from the cupboard . “ [You]141-harry do n’t want a glass of wine ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]141-harry looks at [me]0-i deadpan as [he]141-harry begins collecting what [he]141-harry needs for [his]141-harry coffee . “ Do [I]141-harry appear to be relaxed to [you]0-i , [Claire]93-patrick ? Does this look like a relaxing moment in time ? ”[141-harry] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i stare at [him]141-harry . [He]141-harry ’s in navy boxer shorts , hair all messed up from nearly pulling it out . [His]141-harry sleepy orgasm glow is long gone , even though it was only a little while ago . [I]0-i giggle . “ What ? ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry mutters as [he]141-harry pours the coffee into [his]141-harry cup . “ Maybe this model thing was n’t such a great idea ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [We]4248-we ’ll get it , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry says with renewed determination as [he]141-harry stirs [his]141-harry coffee . “ If it ’s the last fucking thing [I]141-harry do , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry whispers under [his]141-harry breath . “ And it might be . ”[141-harry] [I]0-i kiss [his]141-harry shoulder , and it momentarily snaps [him]141-harry out of [his]141-harry stress . [He]141-harry kisses [my]0-i forehead . “ Stop distracting [the genius at work]4249-the genius at work , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry replies as [he]141-harry goes back to the table . [I]0-i giggle and look up to see that [Fletcher]96-fletcher has just been watching [our]2055-our interaction . [He]96-fletcher gives [me]0-i a lopsided smile and turns [his]96-fletcher attention back to the model . A frisson of guilt runs through [me]0-i . Is it weird for [him]96-fletcher seeing [me]0-i with [another man]531-another man ? Should [I]0-i talk to [him]96-fletcher about this ? What would [I]0-i say ? Hmm . . . [I]0-i ’m going to have to think about this in great detail . [I]0-i do n’t want to overdramatize it , but then [I]0-i do n’t want to sweep it under the rug either . “ That ’s it ! ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry yells . “ What is ? ”[141-harry] “ The bags — they are the wrong colors compared to what ’s in the instructions . That ’s why nothing is adding up . It ’s all labeled wrong . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher frowns . “ The red parts are orange , and the orange parts are red . The black parts are white , and the white parts are gray . That ’s why [we]4250-we ca n’t find all the pieces . The colors are all wrong . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan punches [his]74-tristan fist . “ Why [you]96-fletcher . . . tick tock . . . [old man]1998-old man . ”[74-tristan] “ Yeah , ”[141-harry] [Harrison]141-harry growls . “ Tick tock . ”[141-harry] “ Hmm . ”[2057-the stylist] [The stylist]2057-the stylist ’s eyes roam up and down [my]0-i body as [she]2057-the stylist circles [me]0-i . “ [We]4250-we have a lot to work with here . ”[2057-the stylist] [She]2057-the stylist fiddles with [my]0-i hair and tucks it behind [my]0-i ears . [She]2057-the stylist messes it up with [her]2057-the stylist fingers as [she]2057-the stylist inspects [me]0-i in great detail . [My]0-i eyes flick to [Marley]77-marley , and [she]2057-the stylist gives [me]0-i two thumbs - up , the universal symbol of “ [You]0-i can do this . ”[2057-the stylist] It ’s Wednesday , and [I]0-i ’m at the dreaded appointment with [the personal stylist]2058-the personal stylist . “ [You]0-i ’re gorgeous , [Claire]93-patrick ; there is no doubt about it . [Your]0-i bone structure is flawless , and [you]0-i have a beautiful figure . But [you]0-i do n’t dress accordingly . Why do n’t [you]0-i show it off more ? ”[2057-the stylist] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug bashfully . “ [You]0-i need to wear more fitted things . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i just do n’t want to look like [I]0-i ’m trying to be young , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply meekly . “ [You]0-i are young , [Claire]93-patrick . [You]0-i ’re only what ? Early thirties ? ”[0-i] “ [I]2057-the stylist ’m thirty - eight . ”[2057-the stylist] [She]2057-the stylist smiles as [she]2057-the stylist runs [her]2057-the stylist hand down [my]0-i shoulder and readjusts [my]0-i bra strap . “ [I]2057-the stylist style [eighty - year - olds]4252-eighty - year - olds . Trust [me]2057-the stylist . [You]0-i are young . ”[2057-the stylist] [She]2057-the stylist smiles as [she]2057-the stylist stands back to look at [me]0-i . “ Now , what do [you]0-i need ? ”[2057-the stylist] “ [I]2057-the stylist have a black - tie dinner on Saturday night . ”[2057-the stylist] “ Okay . ”[2057-the stylist] [She]2057-the stylist holds [my]0-i hair up and looks at it . “ At what time is it ? ”[2057-the stylist] [I]0-i frown , and [Marley]77-marley grabs [my]0-i phone . [Tristan]74-tristan sent [me]0-i the invitation . “ Seven p.m. ”[74-tristan] “ Okay . ”[2057-the stylist] [She]2057-the stylist takes out [her]2057-the stylist phone and makes a call . “ Hello , [Marcello]197-marcello . ”[2057-the stylist] [She]2057-the stylist listens for a moment . “ Hello , [darling]3709-darling . Listen , [I]2057-the stylist have a favor . Can [you]3709-darling do hair and makeup for [me]2057-the stylist on Saturday night , please ? ”[2057-the stylist] [I]0-i frown , and [my]0-i eyes flick to [Marley]77-marley . “ Oh . . . it ’s an emergency . [I]2057-the stylist ’m going to send [you]3709-darling images of exactly what [we]4254-we need . ”[2057-the stylist] Emergency . [I]0-i widen [my]0-i eyes in horror , and [Marley]77-marley drops [her]2057-the stylist head to hide [her]2057-the stylist smile . “ Yes , [we]4254-we have a Cinderella here . ”[2057-the stylist] [She]2057-the stylist listens , and [her]2057-the stylist eyes sweep up and down [my]0-i body . “ Okay great , [I]2057-the stylist ’ll text [you]3709-darling the address . ”[2057-the stylist] [She]2057-the stylist hangs up . “ Okay , that ’s sorted out . ”[2057-the stylist] [I]0-i smile nervously . “ [Marcello]197-marcello will come to [[your]3709-darling place]4255-your place and do [your]3709-darling hair and makeup late on Saturday afternoon . ”[0-i] [I]0-i bite [my]0-i lip to hide [my]0-i smile . [I]0-i ’ve never had that before . “ Is that necessary ? ”[0-i] “ Oh [my]0-i God , [darling]3709-darling . Yes . It ’s necessary . Now . . . let ’s go shopping . [I]0-i know exactly what [you]3709-darling need . ”[0-i] “ Okay , thanks , [Barb]198-barb . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . [I]0-i rest [my]0-i foot on top of [Tristan]74-tristan ’s leg . It ’s Thursday night , and [Tristan]74-tristan and [I]0-i are having a glass of wine and watching television in [the living room]1371-the living room . [The boys]3247-the boys have miraculously done [their]3247-the boys homework , dinner is finished and cleaned up , and now [they]3247-the boys have a precious two hours to work on [their]3247-the boys model . This bribery of [Tristan]74-tristan ’s is the best thing since sliced bread . [Everyone]382-everyone is behaving and hustling to get things done quickly so [they]382-everyone can work on it together . It ’s like the freaking twilight zone or some shit . “ Are [you]3999-my girlfriend sure that ’s okay ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i listen to [[my]0-i girlfriend]3999-my girlfriend as [we]2063-we speak on the phone . [I]0-i ’m arranging for [Harry]141-harry to stay at [[her]3999-my girlfriend place]2064-her place on Saturday night . [Fletcher]96-fletcher is staying [here]3039-here with [two friends]2066-two friends , and [Patrick]93-patrick is taken care of , but it ’s [Harry]141-harry that [I]0-i have to really check on . “ Of course , [Claire]93-patrick , [he]141-harry ’ll be fine . [We]2063-we will get pizza and watch movies . ”[141-harry] “ Thanks so much . [I]74-tristan ’ll see [you]3999-my girlfriend then . ”[74-tristan] “ Okay , see [you]0-i on Saturday , ”[3999-my girlfriend] [she]3999-my girlfriend replies , and [I]0-i hang up . [Tristan]74-tristan raises an eyebrow . “ [We]2063-we good ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks hopefully . “ All good . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ Who knew that [Tristan Miles]74-tristan would be excited about locking in [a babysitter]4257-a babysitter ? ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan chuckles and clinks [his]74-tristan glass with [mine]0-i . “ Right ? ”[74-tristan] “ Seriously , though , it is a relief . [Barb]198-barb is the only one [I]74-tristan would leave [Harrison]141-harry with . ”[74-tristan] “ What ’s gone on with [Harrison]141-harry in the past to make [you]0-i so nervous about leaving [him]141-harry ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i let out a big sigh . “ [He]141-harry can be a nightmare . ”[0-i] “ How ? [I]0-i mean , [I]0-i know [he]141-harry ’s a bit mischievous and all that , but is n’t that normal at [his]141-harry age ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i sit back and sip [my]0-i wine . “ Oh hell , where do [I]0-i start ? [He]141-harry ’s been suspended from [school]3101-school . [He]141-harry disappears for hours at a time and then lies about where [he]141-harry ’s been , sneaks off to [[friends]3356-friends ’ houses]4260-friends ’ houses without permission . [He]141-harry ’s fallen in with [this party crowd]4261-this party crowd but then denies [he]141-harry ’s been with [them]4261-this party crowd . ”[0-i] “ Suspended from [school]3101-school — what for ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ For some reason , [he]141-harry ’s under the impression that [the teachers]4263-the teachers pick on [him]141-harry . One day [he]141-harry got a project back , and [he]141-harry thought [he]141-harry should have gotten a higher grade , and [he]141-harry got into a full - blown argument with [[his]141-harry teacher]4264-his teacher . ”[0-i] “ So . . . [he]141-harry was cheeky ? ”[74-tristan] [Tris]74-tristan frowns . “ No . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head in embarrassment . “ [He]141-harry opened the window and threw [his]141-harry assignment out of it in protest . ”[0-i] [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes widen . “ But that ’s not the worst of it . [It]4265-it accidently hit [a janitor who was walking past]4266-a janitor who was walking past and scratched [his]141-harry head . [They]4266-a janitor who was walking past thought [he]141-harry needed stitches . It was mortifying . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan bites [his]74-tristan bottom lip as [he]74-tristan tries to hide a smile . “ It was so embarrassing — [you]0-i have no idea , [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan sips [his]74-tristan wine as [he]74-tristan pulls a straight face . “ [I]74-tristan can imagine . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile and rub [my]0-i foot up [his]74-tristan calf muscle . “ Thank [you]0-i . ”[0-i] [His]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i as [his]74-tristan fingers draw a circle on [my]0-i shoulder . “ For what ? ”[74-tristan] “ For making the trek out to see [me]0-i every night . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug bashfully . “ [I]0-i know [you]0-i hate the couch . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan raises [his]74-tristan eyebrows . “ Well . . . [I]74-tristan hate being at [home]341-home without [you]0-i more . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile and lean in and put [my]0-i head on [his]74-tristan shoulder . It ’s so nice having [someone]3143-someone . . . wonderful , actually . [He]74-tristan kisses [my]0-i forehead , and [we]2068-we go back to watching television and [our]2068-we blissful silence . [He]74-tristan does n’t even have to talk to [me]0-i . [Him]74-tristan just being [here]3039-here is enough to make [me]0-i happy . “ [You]0-i know , as [I]0-i was walking in [here]3039-here today , a bowerbird swooped at [my]0-i balls . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sit up with a frown . “ A what ? ”[0-i] “ [A bowerbird]4269-a bowerbird . ”[74-tristan] “ What ’s that ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]74-tristan rolls [his]74-tristan eyes at [my]0-i apparent stupidity . “ [Everyone]382-everyone knows what [a bowerbird]4269-a bowerbird is , [Claire]93-patrick . [I]74-tristan suggest [you]93-patrick google it . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan in question , and after a while [he]74-tristan replies , “ [A bowerbird]4269-a bowerbird collects blue things , [Claire]93-patrick . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan raises an eyebrow as [he]74-tristan waits for [me]0-i to get it . Oh . . . [he]74-tristan ’s telling [me]0-i [he]74-tristan has blue balls . [I]0-i smirk . “ Whatever . ”[0-i] “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[74-tristan] a voice calls out from [the kitchen]928-the kitchen . [He]74-tristan smiles as [his]74-tristan eyes widen . “ Did [you]0-i hear that ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i frown . [He]74-tristan raises [his]74-tristan eyebrows as [he]74-tristan waits for it , and eventually , the voice calls out again . “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ That ’s the first time [he]74-tristan ’s ever said [my]74-tristan name . ”[74-tristan] “ [Harry]141-harry ’s never said [your]74-tristan name ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . [He]74-tristan gives a subtle shake of [his]74-tristan head . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry calls . [Tristan]74-tristan smiles broadly . “ Yes , [Wiz]189-wiz , what is it ? ”[74-tristan] “ Can [you]141-harry help [us]2072-they for a minute , please ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan raises [his]74-tristan eyebrows in excitement at being needed . “ Coming . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan jumps up and makes [his]74-tristan way into [the kitchen]928-the kitchen . [I]0-i listen to [them]2072-they talking about the diameter of a part that [they]2072-they are trying to work out . [Tristan]74-tristan seems to think that it ’s put together backward , and [they]2072-they are in a deep discussion about the pros and cons of pulling it back apart and starting that piece again . As [I]0-i listen , [I]0-i find [myself]0-i smiling like [a goofball at the television]2073-a goofball at the television . [Happiness]199-happiness is to be loved by [you]2074-you . “ Let [him]74-tristan in , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says over the phone . [He]74-tristan glances over at [me]0-i and gives [me]0-i a sexy wink as [he]74-tristan hangs up . “ [[Your]0-i hairdresser]4273-your hairdresser is here , [Ms. Anderson]182-anderson , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan teases . “ Oh God . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i put [my]0-i head into [my]0-i hands in dismay . “ This seems . . . ”[74-tristan] “ Normal . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [my]0-i temple as [he]74-tristan walks past [me]0-i and into [the living area]927-the living area . “ [I]74-tristan ’m going to go out for a while and leave [you]0-i to it . ”[74-tristan] “ Where are [you]74-tristan going ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . It feels weird being in [[his]74-tristan apartment]3980-his apartment without [him]74-tristan . “ [I]74-tristan ’m meeting [Elliot]127-elliot and [Christopher]128-christopher at [a bar]775-a bar to watch the game . [I]74-tristan ’ll be back around six . [We]4275-we leave around six forty - five . ”[74-tristan] That will give [me]0-i time to wash off the makeup and hair before [he]74-tristan gets back if [I]0-i do n’t like it . “ Okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i softly . [His]74-tristan lips linger over [mine]0-i , and [I]0-i hold [him]74-tristan tight . “ Do [you]74-tristan need anything while [I]0-i ’m out ? ”[0-i] “ Just for [you]0-i to come [home]341-home . ”[74-tristan] A knock sounds at the door . [He]74-tristan hugs [me]0-i tight with a big smile . “ Goodbye . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan opens the door in a rush , and [we]2077-we are both taken aback . [The hairdresser]2078-the hairdresser is male . . . and hot . Like stupid hot . [He]2078-the hairdresser ’s European , in [his]2078-the hairdresser early thirties , and has blue tight jeans and a black T - shirt on . [He]2078-the hairdresser ’s muscular and fit looking . [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes flick to [me]0-i in horror , and [I]0-i smile goofily . [I]0-i know exactly what [he]74-tristan ’s thinking . “ Hello . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan holds out [his]74-tristan hand to shake [the man]680-the man ’s . “ [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ Hi , [I]680-the man ’m [Marcello]197-marcello , ”[680-the man] [the man]680-the man replies in a heavy accent as [he]680-the man shakes [his]680-the man head . “ [I]680-the man ’m here to style [Claire]93-patrick . ”[680-the man] “ Hello , that ’s [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [his]680-the man hand . [He]680-the man looks [me]0-i up and down and rubs [his]680-the man hands together playfully . “ Oh . . . this is going to be so fun . ”[680-the man] [Tristan]74-tristan looks at [him]680-the man deadpan and then at [me]0-i . “ No . . . this is going to be completely funless for [you]0-i . . . or else , ”[680-the man] [he]680-the man mutters dryly . [Marcello]197-marcello laughs . “ Oh . . . so possessive of [[his]680-the man woman]4277-his woman . [I]197-marcello love that . ”[197-marcello] [Tristan]74-tristan ’s jaw clenches , and [I]0-i giggle as [Marcello]197-marcello grabs [my]0-i shoulders and turns [me]0-i away from [him]680-the man . “ Goodbye . [She]4277-his woman will be beautiful for [you]0-i when [you]0-i return . ”[197-marcello] “ [She]4277-his woman already is , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan snaps , unimpressed . “ And [I]74-tristan ’m not going anywhere . [I]74-tristan ’ll be right out here . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan flops onto the couch in disgust . [I]0-i giggle . [He]74-tristan ’s actually ruffled . . . [I]0-i love it . “ Through here . ”[0-i] [I]0-i guide [Marcello]197-marcello to [[Tristan]74-tristan ’s en suite bathroom]2081-tristan ’s en suite bathroom , and [he]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan two big bags on the floor . [He]74-tristan looks [me]0-i up and down again . [He]74-tristan sits [me]0-i in the chair and gives [me]0-i a broad smile . “ Let [us]4278-us begin . ”[74-tristan] Three hours later [I]0-i stare at [my]0-i reflection in the mirror . [I]0-i hardly recognize [myself]0-i . [My]0-i dark hair is set into Hollywood curls , and [my]0-i makeup is out of [this world]2082-this world . It ’s all gold and bronze with fanned eyelashes and big red lips . [I]0-i look like [a movie star]2083-a movie star or something . It ’s . . . just wow . [I]0-i ’m in a black lace strapless bra and panties with a garter belt and [Tristan]74-tristan ’s oversize white shirt open and over the top . [I]0-i ’ll put [my]0-i dress on soon . [Tristan]74-tristan is getting ready in [the other bathroom]2084-the other bathroom . [I]0-i heard [him]74-tristan come [home]341-home about half an hour ago . [My]0-i eyes roam over [my]0-i face and hair and down over [my]0-i curves in the sexy lingerie , and [I]0-i smile at [my]0-i reflection . [I]0-i ’ve never seen [myself]0-i look like this , and damn it , [I]0-i ’m going to make more of an effort moving forward . [Tristan]74-tristan loves [me]0-i motherly . . . but hell , [he]74-tristan deserves sexy . And [I]0-i ’m going to try [my]0-i hardest to be that for [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan loves [me]0-i . It ’s funny , [you]2086-you know — [Tris]74-tristan has never said those elusive three words . But [he]74-tristan does n’t have to . [I]0-i already know that [he]74-tristan loves [me]0-i . Every action , every message , every effort [he]74-tristan makes to get along with [[my]0-i sons]442-my sons only cements [our]2088-our feelings . The tenderness in [his]74-tristan touch is like an open book , and words are irrelevant between [us]2088-our . Despite [our]2088-our different worlds and rocky beginning , [we]2088-our have a beautiful relationship , and [I]0-i am utterly in love with [the beautiful man that [he]74-tristan is]2089-the beautiful man that he is . The door opens , and [he]74-tristan comes into view . [He]74-tristan frowns and inhales sharply , as if seeing [me]0-i for the first time . “ [Claire]93-patrick , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan murmurs , almost to [himself]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan ’s wearing a black dinner suit , a crisp white shirt , and black bow tie . [His]74-tristan dark hair has a slight curl to it , just enough to give it that perfect just - fucked style . [He]74-tristan has the squarest jaw and dark - pink and full kissable lips , and [his]74-tristan big brown eyes hold [mine]0-i as [he]74-tristan steps forward and takes [me]0-i into [his]74-tristan arms . Without saying a word , [he]74-tristan takes [my]0-i face into [his]74-tristan hands and kisses [me]0-i . [His]74-tristan tongue explores [my]0-i open mouth , and [his]74-tristan hands undo the tie on the dressing gown . [I]0-i smile against [his]74-tristan lips . [I]0-i love that [he]74-tristan has to touch [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan steps back . [His]74-tristan eyes roam down [my]0-i lingerie - clad body , and when they rise to meet [mine]0-i , they are blazing with desire . “ Fuck , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan murmurs . As if something snaps inside of [him]74-tristan , [he]74-tristan pushes [me]0-i back to the counter and lifts [me]0-i to sit on top of it . [He]74-tristan lifts [my]0-i foot onto the countertop , and [he]74-tristan stands between [my]0-i open legs as [his]74-tristan lips take [mine]0-i . “ [You]0-i look fucking edible , [Anderson]182-anderson , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan murmurs against [my]0-i lips . As [he]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i , [I]0-i open [my]0-i eyes to see that [his]74-tristan are closed . [He]74-tristan ’s completely lost in the moment , right here with [me]0-i . [His]74-tristan hand roams over [my]0-i breasts and down [my]0-i stomach , down over [my]0-i garter belt , and down to [my]0-i panties . “ Are [you]0-i wet for [me]74-tristan ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks . [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan hand down the front of [my]0-i panties and finds that sweet spot between [my]0-i legs . [His]74-tristan eyes flicker with arousal as [he]74-tristan slides three thick fingers deep into [my]0-i sex . [My]0-i back arches as [he]74-tristan holds [me]0-i tight . “ [We]4279-we need to go , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i whimper . [He]74-tristan watches [me]0-i as [his]74-tristan fingers again slide in deep . “ No . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pumps [me]0-i hard . “ [You]0-i need to come . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i head tips back as [his]74-tristan strong fingers get to work . The sound of [my]0-i arousal sucking [him]74-tristan in and out echoes around [the room]370-the room , and [his]74-tristan dark eyes watch [my]0-i helpless face . [He]74-tristan ’s rough , so rough . . . and [I]0-i shudder as [my]0-i foot on the counter lifts and hangs in the air . [His]74-tristan kiss is aggressive , [his]74-tristan fingers strong . [My]0-i legs are up on [his]74-tristan chest . But it ’s [his]74-tristan eyes that get [me]0-i . . . locked on [mine]0-i , with such a tenderness behind them . “ [I]74-tristan love [you]0-i , [Claire]93-patrick , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [My]0-i heart collapses . Sensory overload — the best kind of sensory overload . Emotional and physical . [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i softly , with a strong pump of [his]74-tristan hand , and all [my]0-i senses crash as [I]0-i come hard . With one hand , [he]74-tristan holds [my]0-i face to [his]74-tristan ; with [his]74-tristan other [he]74-tristan tenderly lets [me]0-i ride out the high . “ [You]74-tristan love [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ So much . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan smiles against [my]0-i lips . [My]0-i heart free - falls from [my]0-i chest . God . . . [I]0-i love [this man]284-this man . [He]74-tristan unclips [my]0-i garter belt and then slides [my]0-i panties down , and [I]0-i hover somewhere in heaven as [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan . . . and then [he]74-tristan does the unthinkable . [He]74-tristan drops to [his]74-tristan knees in front of [me]0-i and spreads [my]0-i legs . [My]0-i breath catches . What ’s [he]74-tristan doing ? With [his]74-tristan dark eyes locked to [mine]0-i , [he]74-tristan pulls [me]0-i apart and licks [me]0-i with [his]74-tristan long thick tongue . [My]0-i body convulses . [His]74-tristan eyes close in pleasure as [he]74-tristan cleans [me]0-i up . [My]0-i orgasm on [his]74-tristan tongue . [I]0-i run [my]0-i fingers through [his]74-tristan hair as [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan ’s in a black dinner suit on [his]74-tristan knees before [me]0-i — a new arousal takes [me]0-i over . Deep and dangerously dark . Holy hell . . . [Tristan fucking Miles]74-tristan . Chapter 20 [The limo]2092-the limo pulls into [the large circular driveway]2093-the large circular driveway , and [I]0-i feel the nerves in [my]0-i stomach dance . As if reading [my]0-i mind , [Tristan]74-tristan leans in and kisses [my]0-i temple . “ [You]0-i look beautiful , [Anderson]182-anderson . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i blow out a deep breath . This meet - the - family thing is nerve - racking . [The driver]376-the driver opens the door , and [Tristan]74-tristan gets out and takes [my]0-i hand to help [me]0-i . [The driveway]910-the driveway and [foyer]2096-foyer are a hive of activity as [the cars]2097-the cars roll in one after the other . [Beautiful people in black - tie attire]2098-beautiful people in black - tie attire are everywhere , and [I]0-i am so glad that [I]0-i let [Marley]77-marley talk [me]0-i into getting [that stylist]2099-that stylist . [My]0-i dress is black and fitted , and it has a big thick band that wraps around the top of it from the waist up , creating a strapless look . It ’s understated and sexy . [Tristan]74-tristan loves it and told [me]0-i [I]0-i ’m to wear it every day . [He]74-tristan even made [[our]2100-we driver]2101-our driver take photos of [us]2100-we before [we]2100-we climbed into [the limo]2092-the limo . [He]74-tristan leads [me]0-i up [the stairs]290-the stairs and into [the ballroom]2104-the ballroom . [People]406-people are doing double takes as [they]406-people see [us]2100-we together . “ Hi . Hello . Hello , [Roger]200-roger , ”[406-people] [Tristan]74-tristan greets [people]406-people as [we]2100-we walk through to the seating chart . [I]0-i smirk over at [him]74-tristan . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asks . “ [You]0-i think [you]0-i ’re [a rock star]4280-a rock star or something . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan am [a fucking rock star]4281-a fucking rock star , [Anderson]182-anderson . When will [you]0-i get with the program and realize it ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a sexy wink , and [I]0-i smile broadly , happy to admit that [I]0-i ’m officially [a groupie]2107-a groupie . [He]74-tristan reads the board and looks for where [we]2100-we ’re sitting . “ Over here . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i stomach flutters as [I]0-i look to where [he]74-tristan gestured and see [[his]74-tristan entire family]2108-his entire family sitting at the table . Fuck . . . the blood drains from [my]0-i face . Meeting [the family]2109-the family is always intimidating . Meeting [the Miles family]2110-the miles family is next - level terrifying . [[His]74-tristan father]357-his father is [one of [the most respected men in [New York]5-new york]2113-the most respected men in new york , and [[his]74-tristan older brother]832-his older brother , [Jameson]113-jameson , is known for being one of [the biggest assholes in [the world]259-the world]2115-the biggest assholes in the world]2112-one of the most respected men in new york , and his older brother , jameson , is known for being one of the biggest assholes in the world . [I]0-i catch a glimpse of [Christopher]128-christopher and [Elliot]127-elliot , and [I]0-i feel slightly better — they’re really nice and not at all what [I]0-i imagined . [I]0-i ’m glad that [I]0-i at least know [them]2117-them . “ Hello . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan smiles broadly as [we]2118-we approach the table . “ This is [Claire Anderson]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan presents [me]0-i like a prized pig . “ Hello . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile awkwardly . “ This is [[my]0-i father]4282-my father , [George]201-george . [[My]0-i mother]762-my mother , [Elizabeth]99-ellie . This is [Jameson]113-jameson and [Emily]202-emily , and [you]0-i know [Elliot]127-elliot and [Christopher]128-christopher . ”[0-i] [They]2117-them all stand . [George]201-george shakes [my]0-i hand . “ Hello , [Claire]81-claire , lovely to meet [you]81-claire . ”[201-george] [[His]201-george mother]3642-his mother kisses [my]0-i cheek . “ Hello , [dear]3179-dear , so glad [you]81-claire could join [us]2117-them . ”[3642-his mother] [I]0-i smile awkwardly , and [Emily]202-emily grabs [me]0-i into an embrace and chuckles . “ [I]202-emily am absolutely thrilled to meet [you]0-i , ”[202-emily] [she]202-emily gasps . [I]0-i giggle into the embrace . . . okay , [she]202-emily is n’t what [I]0-i imagined . [Jameson]113-jameson smiles and then leans in and kisses [my]0-i cheek . “ Lovely to meet [you]0-i , [Claire]81-claire . [I]113-jameson ’ve heard so many good things . ”[113-jameson] [He]113-jameson gives [me]0-i a genuine smile , and [I]0-i breathe a sigh of relief . Oh , thank [God]97-god . . . [he]113-jameson ’s not as scary as [I]0-i thought . “ Just so [you]4285-you all know , [I]128-christopher am [Claire]81-claire ’s favorite [Miles]74-tristan . Just putting it out there , ”[128-christopher] [Christopher]128-christopher says as [he]128-christopher raises [his]128-christopher champagne glass to [me]0-i . “ Actually , [I]74-tristan am , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan replies deadpan as [he]74-tristan pulls [my]0-i chair out . [I]0-i smile and take a seat next to [Emily]202-emily . [Tristan]74-tristan sits beside [me]0-i and takes [my]0-i hand on [my]0-i lap for reassurance . [I]0-i love [him]74-tristan . “ So , [Claire]81-claire , ”[201-george] [George]201-george addresses [me]0-i as [the group]601-the group listens in . “ [You]81-claire own [Anderson Media]2-anderson media ? ”[201-george] “ Yes , [I]201-george do . ”[201-george] “ Very impressive . ”[201-george] “ Thank [you]0-i . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles warmly . “ [I]74-tristan knew [[your]0-i husband]3074-your husband . [He]3074-your husband was [a good man]3558-a good man . ”[74-tristan] “ [He]3074-your husband was . ”[201-george] “ [I]0-i attended [his]3074-your husband funeral . It was a beautiful service . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile sadly , wishing the conversation had n’t gone this way . [Tristan]74-tristan squeezes [my]0-i hand , and [I]0-i gratefully squeeze it back . [Elizabeth]99-ellie changes the subject . “ So [you]81-claire have [children]336-children ? ”[99-ellie] Oh fuck . . . this is the night from hell . “ Yes . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ [Three boys]3075-three boys . ”[0-i] “ How do [they]3075-three boys like [Tristan]74-tristan ? ”[128-christopher] [Christopher]128-christopher laughs . “ [I]128-christopher hope [they]3075-three boys ’re giving [him]74-tristan a run for [his]74-tristan money . ”[128-christopher] “ It would be payback if [they]3075-three boys did , ”[201-george] [George]201-george mutters dryly . “ [He]74-tristan was [a coot of a kid]4290-a coot of a kid . ”[201-george] [The group]601-the group laughs , and [I]0-i feel a little more at ease . “ Do [you]0-i want to go and get a drink ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan asks [me]0-i . “ Yes , please , ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i answer a little too eagerly . “ [I]202-emily ’ll come , ”[202-emily] [Emily]202-emily says . [She]202-emily ’s attractive and lovely — naturally beautiful and refreshingly unpretentious . [We]2122-we stand and make [our]2122-we way to [the bar]533-the bar . “ What do [you]0-i want , [babe]3682-babe ? ”[74-tristan] [Tris]74-tristan asks . “ Fucking anything , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper back . “ Okay , drunk and disorderly in front of [[my]74-tristan parents]3977-my parents , coming right up , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan replies . [I]0-i grab [his]74-tristan hand and pull [him]74-tristan back to [me]0-i as [he]74-tristan goes to walk off . “ On second thought , one drink . Do n’t let [me]74-tristan drink any more than that . Being drunk here is [my]74-tristan worst nightmare . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan and [Emily]202-emily chuckle , and [he]74-tristan turns to [her]202-emily . “ What do [you]202-emily want , [Em]202-emily ? ”[74-tristan] “ [Bubbles]203-bubbles , please . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan disappears to [the bar]533-the bar , leaving [me]0-i alone with [Emily]202-emily . “ It ’s pretty nerve - racking meeting [them]4293-them , is n’t it ? ”[202-emily] [Emily]202-emily says . Relief fills [me]0-i — [she]202-emily ’s normal . “ God , [I]202-emily know . [I]202-emily ’m so nervous . ”[202-emily] [She]202-emily takes [my]0-i hand . “ Do n’t be ; [they]4293-them ’re really lovely . Not at all what [you]0-i think . ”[202-emily] “ Thanks . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile gratefully . “ So . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ [You]202-emily ’re married ? ”[0-i] “ Yes , [Jay]204-jay and [I]202-emily got married three months ago . ”[202-emily] “ Oh , that ’s wonderful . Congratulations . ”[202-emily] “ Thanks . ”[202-emily] [She]202-emily smiles . “ Still in the honeymoon phase . [Tristan]74-tristan told [me]202-emily that [you]202-emily live on [Long Island]10-long island ? ”[202-emily] “ Yes , it ’s [a ways out of [New York]5-new york]4294-a ways out of new york but great for [the boys]3247-the boys . ”[202-emily] “ Oh , well , [we]4296-we live in [New Jersey]45-new jersey . ”[202-emily] “ Really ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask in surprise . “ [We]4296-we stay in [New York]5-new york maybe two nights a week at most . [I]0-i wanted to get [Jay]204-jay out of [the city]4297-the city and into a more relaxed lifestyle . ”[0-i] “ [He]204-jay ’s stressed ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ God . ”[0-i] [She]202-emily rolls [her]202-emily eyes . “ Massively . [His]204-jay workload is ridiculous . [He]204-jay ’s a lot better since [we]4296-we got married , and [he]204-jay works from [home]341-home on Fridays now . ”[202-emily] [I]0-i stare at [her]202-emily in a state of shock . This is not what [I]0-i expected at all . [The Miles Media group]2125-the miles media group has always seemed so invincible . . . never in a million years would [I]0-i imagine [the CEO]1101-the ceo is battling stress , although it ’s totally understandable that [he]1101-the ceo is . [Tristan]74-tristan reappears with [our]2127-us drinks and puts [his]74-tristan arm around [me]0-i and kisses [my]0-i temple . “ Are [you]0-i all right ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i nod . “ Thanks . ”[74-tristan] “ Well , there ’s an ugly face if [I]0-i ever saw one , ”[0-i] [I]0-i hear a deep English male voice say . [We]2127-us all turn to see [two men]4020-two men walking toward [us]2127-us . [One]1170-one is blond and gorgeous . [The other]2130-the other is tall , dark , and handsome . “ Hey . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan laughs out loud as [he]74-tristan pulls [them]4020-two men into an embrace . [My]0-i eyes flick to [Emily]202-emily , and [she]202-emily laughs too . [The three men]2131-the three men laugh , and then [Tristan]74-tristan introduces [us]2127-us . “ [Claire]81-claire , please meet [Spencer Jones]205-spencer and [Sebastian Garcia]206-sebastian , [[my]74-tristan friends from [London]40-london]4299-my friends from london . And [you]81-claire both know [Emily]202-emily . [Jameson]113-jameson and [Sebastian]206-sebastian met in [Italy]46-italy at college . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]206-sebastian ’ve been trying to get rid of [them]4299-my friends from london ever since . ”[206-sebastian] [Sebastian]206-sebastian smiles with a wink . [Tristan]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan hand on [my]0-i shoulder and pulls [me]0-i close , and [Emily]202-emily laughs . “ How are [[my]202-emily favorite [London]40-london villains]4300-my favorite london villains ? ”[202-emily] [she]202-emily asks . It ’s obvious [she]202-emily knows [them]2132-them quite well . “ Very well , ”[205-spencer] [Spencer]205-spencer replies . [He]205-spencer has this boyish - charm thing going on . [He]205-spencer turns [his]205-spencer attention back to [Tristan]74-tristan . “ Where have [you]74-tristan been ? ”[205-spencer] “ [I]74-tristan ’ve been here , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan replies . [He]74-tristan tips [his]74-tristan champagne glass toward [me]0-i . “ With [Claire]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [Sebastian]206-sebastian ’s eyes come to [me]0-i , and then [he]74-tristan snaps [his]74-tristan fingers , as if remembering something . “ Did [you]2133-them two meet in [France]9-france ? ”[74-tristan] “ This is [her]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan smiles broadly . Wait . . . what ? [He]74-tristan ’s told [them]2133-them about [me]0-i ? [I]0-i glance over to [Emily]202-emily , and [she]202-emily hunches [her]202-emily shoulders , as if excited . [Sebastian]206-sebastian glances over and sees [Jameson]113-jameson talking to [some men]2134-some men and walks up and grabs [him]113-jameson in a headlock from behind . [They]2133-them laugh loudly . “ Back in a minute , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan whispers , and [he]74-tristan and [Spencer]205-spencer join [them]2133-them . [The four men]2135-the four men laugh as [they]2135-the four men talk , and [I]0-i watch [them]2135-the four men for a moment . “ Who are [they]2135-the four men ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [They]2135-the four men are [the naughtiest men in all of [England]47-england]4301-the naughtiest men in all of england , ”[202-emily] [Emily]202-emily whispers . “ And [the most gorgeous]4302-the most gorgeous . ”[202-emily] “ [God]97-god , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i watch [them]2135-the four men . [I]0-i have never seen [such handsome men]2136-such handsome men all in one place . All of [them]2135-the four men are freaking delicious . “ [You]0-i ’re not wrong . ”[2135-the four men] “ [Spencer Jones]205-spencer is [the world ’s biggest player]4303-the world ’s biggest player . ”[202-emily] “ [He]205-spencer ’s [the blond]4304-the blond ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ That ’s [him]205-spencer . Ridiculously good looking , is n’t [he]205-spencer ? ”[0-i] “ [The other one]386-the other one is more gorgeous . What ’s [his]386-the other one name again ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [Sebastian Garcia]206-sebastian . [His]386-the other one marriage just broke up recently . ”[0-i] “ Really ? [He]386-the other one ’s [a player]769-a player too ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ No , [[his]386-the other one wife]4307-his wife slept with [[their]4307-his wife gardener]4308-their gardener . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i look at [the beautiful man]2137-the beautiful man . [He]2137-the beautiful man ’s tall , dark , and European . “ Is [she]4307-his wife mad ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i gasp . “ Apparently . ”[2138-she] [She]2138-she shrugs . “ Must be absolutely off [her]4307-his wife fucking tree , ”[2138-she] [she]2138-she mutters . [I]0-i giggle , and [Emily]202-emily smiles and clinks [her]202-emily glass with [mine]0-i . “ It ’s so good to finally meet [you]0-i , ”[2138-she] [she]2138-she whispers as [she]2138-she again takes [my]0-i hand in [hers]2138-she . “ Oh , thanks . ”[2138-she] [I]0-i smile . “ Thank God [you]0-i ’re normal . [I]0-i thought [you]0-i were going to be [a supermodel taking selfies]4309-a supermodel taking selfies all night . ”[0-i] [She]2138-she bursts out laughing . “ Ha . No , that would be [[Tristan]74-tristan ’s ex - girlfriends]4310-tristan ’s ex - girlfriends . ”[2138-she] [I]0-i cringe . “ [I]2138-she do n’t really fit the mold , do [I]2138-she ? ”[2138-she] “ Thankfully not . ”[2138-she] [She]2138-she laughs . [I]0-i glance over and into the gaze of [Tristan]74-tristan in [his]74-tristan black dinner suit . [His]74-tristan dark wavy hair and square jaw light up [the room]370-the room . [He]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a slow , sexy smile and a wink , and [my]0-i heart somersaults in [my]0-i chest . [I]0-i ’m feeling like [the luckiest girl in [the world]259-the world]2140-the luckiest girl in the world tonight . [He]74-tristan loves [me]0-i . [Tristan]74-tristan ’s fingers trail a circle on [my]0-i bare shoulder as [I]0-i sit at the table and talk to [Emily]202-emily . It ’s been a great night filled with laughter , [handsome men]2142-handsome men , and intelligent conversation . Not at all what [I]0-i expected . From the corner of [my]0-i eye [I]0-i can see [Elizabeth]99-ellie watching the two of [us]2143-we together . [She]99-ellie has n’t had to look very hard — [Tristan]74-tristan has been all over [me]0-i all night . [He]74-tristan ’s most definitely not shy with affection . “ [The boys]3247-the boys are going to [a bar]775-a bar for a few drinks . Do [you]202-emily want to go ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan leans in and whispers . “ Are [you]202-emily going ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i turn to [Emily]202-emily . “ Apparently . ”[202-emily] [She]202-emily smirks into [her]202-emily wineglass . “ [I]202-emily ’ve had enough champagne for a lifetime . . . but whatever . ”[202-emily] “ [Me]0-i too . ”[0-i] [I]0-i giggle , but it will be nice to get to know [everyone]382-everyone in a not - so - formal setting . “ Okay , sure , sounds good . ”[2143-we] [We]2143-we say [our]2143-we goodbyes , and twenty minutes later [I]0-i find [myself]0-i outside and waiting on the curb for [a limo]893-a limo with [Emily]202-emily , [the four Miles brothers]2146-the four miles brothers , and [Spencer Jones]205-spencer . [Everybody]3458-everybody has had too much to drink , and [we]2143-we are cackling like [schoolgirls]2148-schoolgirls . [These guys]2149-these guys are hilarious . “ Where the fuck is [Seb]206-sebastian ? ”[205-spencer] [Spencer]205-spencer frowns , looking around [the crowd]433-the crowd as [people]406-people pour out of [the function center]2152-the function center . “ [He]4313-he ’s with [two girls]1169-two girls inside , ”[127-elliot] [Elliot]127-elliot replies as [he]127-elliot types a message to [someone]3143-someone on [his]127-elliot phone . “ [Jesus Christ]121-jesus , ”[205-spencer] [Spencer]205-spencer whispers . “ If [he]4313-he does n’t hurry , [we]4315-we ’re leaving without [him]4313-he . ”[205-spencer] “ [I]127-elliot ’m pretty sure [he]4313-he does n’t give a fuck , ”[127-elliot] [Elliot]127-elliot replies flatly . [Tristan]74-tristan takes [his]74-tristan jacket off and puts it around [my]0-i shoulders . [He]74-tristan pulls [me]0-i into [his]74-tristan arms and smiles down at [me]0-i . [I]0-i have the urge to kiss [him]74-tristan , but [I]0-i wo n’t . . . [everyone]382-everyone is here . [He]74-tristan leans down and kisses [me]0-i anyway , and [I]0-i smile against [his]74-tristan lips . [He]74-tristan knows what [I]0-i want . [Sebastian]206-sebastian walks out with [a gorgeous girl on each arm]2155-a gorgeous girl on each arm . “ [The girls]400-the girls are coming with [us]4317-us , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan announces . “ Hi , [girls]3167-girls . ”[74-tristan] [Everyone]382-everyone laughs . “ What ’s [your]387-the blonde name ? ”[205-spencer] [Spencer]205-spencer asks [the blonde]387-the blonde as [he]74-tristan picks up [her]387-the blonde hand and kisses it . “ Fuck off . [She]2155-a gorgeous girl on each arm ’s with [me]206-sebastian , ”[206-sebastian] [Sebastian]206-sebastian says . [Spencer]205-spencer shrugs and turns to [the brunette]2158-the brunette . “ So . . . what ’s [your]387-the blonde name ? ”[205-spencer] “ Also with [me]206-sebastian , ”[206-sebastian] [Sebastian]206-sebastian replies deadpan . “ [Greedy prick]4319-greedy prick , ”[205-spencer] [Spencer]205-spencer snaps as [he]74-tristan drops [her]387-the blonde hand like a hot potato . “ Get [your]74-tristan own . ”[206-sebastian] [Sebastian]206-sebastian winks to [him]74-tristan . [We]2159-we all laugh , and [the girls]400-the girls cuddle closer into [Sebastian]206-sebastian . What the hell . . . [two women]2161-two women ? Jeez . [I]0-i glance over to see [Elliot]127-elliot and [Christopher]128-christopher talking to [a group of girls in [the cab line]2163-the cab line]2162-a group of girls in the cab line . [The women]457-the women are all laughing on cue as [the boys]3247-the boys flirt up a storm . [I]0-i imagine what [these boys]2166-these boys are like when [they]2166-these boys are out on [the town]1212-the town together . [I]0-i wonder if [Tristan]74-tristan has had [two women]2161-two women before . . . of course [he]74-tristan has . [All these men]2169-all these men have . [Rich , funny , gorgeous , and intelligent]2170-rich , funny , gorgeous , and intelligent . [The jackpot of [eligible bachelors]2172-eligible bachelors]2171-the jackpot of eligible bachelors . [Tristan]74-tristan smiles goofily down at [me]0-i and kisses [me]0-i again . [He]74-tristan really is quite tipsy . And gorgeous . [Two limousines]2173-two limousines pull up , and [Jameson]113-jameson opens the door . “ [Elliot]127-elliot , [Christopher]128-christopher , ”[113-jameson] [he]113-jameson calls as [he]113-jameson helps [Emily]202-emily into [the car]371-the car . [We]2175-we all climb in , and [Sebastian]206-sebastian and [Spencer]205-spencer and [the girls]400-the girls climb into [the car]371-the car behind [us]2175-we . “ [Club 42]48-club 42 , please , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says . “ Sure thing . ”[74-tristan] [The driver]376-the driver smiles as [he]376-the driver pulls out into the traffic . [The boys]3247-the boys are loud and joking , and laughter is filling [the car]371-the car . [The car]371-the car accelerates , and [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i get a rush of adrenaline . This is a fun night . [I]0-i giggle as [I]0-i watch [Tristan]74-tristan and [Christopher]128-christopher together . [They]3247-the boys ’re like two peas in a pod . [They]3247-the boys laugh at the same things , share private jokes , and finish [each other]286-each other ’s sentences . Similar looking , almost identical personalities , and nowhere near what [I]0-i thought [they]3247-the boys were . Warm and friendly , not [a cold soul sucker in sight]2183-a cold soul sucker in sight . From what [I]0-i can tell , [Elliot]127-elliot and [Jameson]113-jameson are similar and look alike too . It ’s late . Last time [I]0-i looked , it was four o’clock in the morning , and [we]2184-we are now collectively drunk . [We]2184-we ’re in [a small nightclub kind of bar]2185-a small nightclub kind of bar , and [the boys]3247-the boys must come [here]3039-here a lot because [they]3247-the boys know [all the staff]2188-all the staff and [the DJ]2189-the dj . There are n’t [a lot of [people]406-people]2190-a lot of people left , and [they]2192-they ’ve just called last drinks . [I]0-i ’ve had the best night ever . [Emily]202-emily and [I]0-i have gotten on like [a house on fire]2193-a house on fire , and [the boys]3247-the boys are everything [I]0-i never expected . Kind and funny . [Sarcastic]207-sarcastic like [Tris]74-tristan , but lovely just the same . “ As [I]2189-the dj play the final song for the night , ”[2189-the dj] [the DJ]2189-the dj says into the mic , “ with [the Miles boys in [the house]924-the house]4320-the miles boys in the house , [I]2189-the dj had to play [their]4320-the miles boys in the house anthem . ‘ Freak [Me]2189-the dj ’ by [Silk]208-silk . ”[2189-the dj] A tantric beat rings out . Freak [me]0-i , [baby]3208-baby ( ah , yeah ) Freak [me]0-i , [baby]3208-baby ( mm , just like that ) Freak [me]0-i , [baby]3208-baby ( ah , yeah ) [The boys]3247-the boys all laugh out loud and cheer . [I]0-i ’m instantly dragged to the dance floor , and [the boys]3247-the boys all begin to dance as if it ’s the best song in [the world]259-the world . [Tristan]74-tristan pushes [me]0-i out and then twirls [me]0-i . “ What is this song ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i laugh out loud as [I]0-i am bounced back to [his]74-tristan body with force . [He]74-tristan smiles down at [me]0-i as [he]74-tristan moves [us]2202-our to the beat . “ This was [our]2202-our boarding school anthem . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pushes [me]0-i out again and then spins [me]0-i and brings [me]0-i back to [him]74-tristan , and [I]0-i ca n’t contain [my]0-i laughter . “ [We]2202-our played this song in [[our]2202-our dorm]4322-our dorm every day for [our]2202-our entire schooling life . [We]2202-our all know it word for word . ”[0-i] [I]0-i giggle and look around , and [I]0-i see a very drunk [Jameson]113-jameson dirty dancing with [Emily]202-emily as [he]74-tristan sings to [her]202-emily . [Elliot]127-elliot and [Christopher]128-christopher have found [girls]3167-girls somewhere and are singing to [them]3167-girls . [Sebastian]206-sebastian is dirty dancing with [[his]74-tristan two girls]2204-his two girls , and [Spencer]205-spencer has jumped up onstage and has dragged [a waitress]1272-a waitress with [him]74-tristan . [They]2206-they are slow dancing to the music . [I]0-i listen to the words and laugh out loud as [Tristan]74-tristan twirls [me]0-i around . Let [me]0-i lick [you]0-i up and down till [you]0-i say stop Let [me]0-i play with [your]0-i body , [baby]3208-baby , make [you]0-i real hot Let [me]0-i do all the things [you]0-i want [me]0-i to do “ This is the song [you]74-tristan sang while at [school]3101-school ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i giggle . [Sex maniacs]2208-sex maniacs , [the lot of [them]2208-sex maniacs]2209-the lot of them . “ Yep . ”[2208-sex maniacs] [Tristan]74-tristan smiles down at [me]0-i . “ [Your]74-tristan favorite song was about licking [women]410-women up and down ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i ask in horror . “ One hundred percent . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pushes [me]0-i out and spins [me]0-i hard , and [I]0-i laugh out loud . [He]74-tristan rocks [us]2210-us side to side as [he]74-tristan holds [my]0-i hand in [his]74-tristan . “ Still is . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan leans down and kisses [me]0-i softly , and [his]74-tristan eyes twinkle with a certain something . “ Speaking of which , let ’s go [home]341-home , [Anderson]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile up at [the beautiful man in front of [me]0-i]2211-the beautiful man in front of me . “ [I]0-i thought [you]2211-the beautiful man in front of me ’d never ask . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hear a vibration on the side table , and [I]0-i frown . Bzzz . . . bzzz . . . bzzz . [Tristan]74-tristan lets out a deep sigh . “ Who the fuck ’s that ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan mumbles . It stops , and [we]2210-us both relax . It starts again . Bzzz . . . bzzz . . . bzzz . [Tristan]74-tristan sits up onto [his]74-tristan elbow and leans over to get [my]0-i phone . [He]74-tristan fumbles and drops it , and it slips between the bed and the side table . “ Fuck off , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [My]0-i head begins to thump . “ Oh God , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whimper . “ What the fuck happened last night ? ”[0-i] The phone continues to ring , and [Tristan]74-tristan puts the back of [his]74-tristan forearm over [his]74-tristan eyes . “ Fuck off . . . whoever [you]0-i are , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan moans . [I]0-i wake properly and sit up . Shit . “ [Tris]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [The kids]3077-the kids . ”[0-i] “ Jesus . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan stands and feels around for the missing phone . [He]74-tristan ’s naked , and [his]74-tristan hair is standing on end . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan . What a sight for sore eyes . [We]2212-we can still hear [my]0-i phone vibrating from its unknown location . [He]74-tristan reaches in and pulls it out and holds it in the air . “ Found [the fucker]4327-the fucker . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan frowns at the screen as [he]74-tristan reads it , and then [his]74-tristan face drops . “ It ’s [Barb]198-barb . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan passes it over . “ Hello , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ What ’s wrong ? ”[0-i] “ Hi , [Claire]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] “ What is it ? ”[0-i] [My]0-i heart begins to beat faster . “ [Harry]141-harry ’s missing . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]0-i got up to go to [the bathroom]584-the bathroom just after three a.m. and stuck [my]0-i head in to check on [him]141-harry , and [he]141-harry was n’t in bed . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sit up in a rush . “ What do [you]74-tristan mean ? ”[0-i] “ [He]141-harry snuck out , [Claire]81-claire , and [he]141-harry has n’t come back . ”[0-i] [I]0-i begin to hear [my]0-i heartbeat in [my]0-i ears . “ Why did n’t [you]74-tristan call [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . “ [I]0-i did , but [you]74-tristan have n’t been answering . ”[0-i] “ Oh [my]0-i God , [I]0-i ’m so sorry . ”[0-i] “ [We]4329-we ’ve looked everywhere and contacted [all of [[his]141-harry friends]4331-his friends]4330-all of his friends . [We]4329-we thought [he]141-harry would come back before [we]4329-we were supposed to wake up so [he]141-harry would n’t get caught , but [nobody]3093-nobody has seen [him]141-harry . ”[0-i] [My]0-i heart drops . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan whispers . “ [Harry]141-harry ’s missing . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan screws up [his]74-tristan face . “ Huh ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]0-i ’m on [my]0-i way . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hang up and jump out of bed . Chapter 21 The hour - long car trip to [Long Island]10-long island has been a living hell . [Tristan]74-tristan is quiet and has [his]74-tristan hand protectively on [my]0-i leg , and [I]0-i ’m staring out the window , trying to hold back tears . [I]0-i ’ve called [Harrison]141-harry no fewer than a hundred times , and [I]0-i know [his]141-harry phone is probably about to go dead . [Fletcher]96-fletcher and [[his]96-fletcher friends]4331-his friends are all out looking for [him]141-harry . No sign . “ [He]141-harry ’ll be fine , ”[74-tristan] [Tris]74-tristan whispers . “ Where could [he]141-harry be ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [My]0-i eyes fill with tears as [I]0-i lose the ability to hold it in any longer . “ [Baby]3208-baby . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan arm around [me]0-i and pulls [me]0-i close . “ [I]74-tristan ’ll find [him]141-harry . [I]74-tristan promise [you]0-i , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers into [my]0-i hair . “ [I]74-tristan am going to kill [him]141-harry when [I]74-tristan find [him]141-harry . . . but [I]74-tristan will find [him]141-harry , regardless . ”[74-tristan] [We]2214-we pull onto [[my]0-i street]2026-my street , and [I]0-i see [[my]0-i friends]3915-my friends ’ and [parents]1228-parents ’ cars all at [[my]0-i house]3381-my house . [My]0-i heart drops in [my]0-i chest . [I]0-i should n’t have gone last night . [The car]371-the car stops . “ Thank [you]762-my mother , ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry . [I]0-i get out and run inside , and [[my]0-i mother]762-my mother ’s scared eyes meet [mine]0-i . “ [Mom]3387-mom , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Where is [he]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i do n’t know , love . [We]2221-we ’ve looked everywhere . ”[0-i] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face in tears . “ Oh [my]762-my mother God . ”[762-my mother] [She]762-my mother pulls [me]0-i into a hug , and the door bangs behind [us]2221-we . [I]0-i turn to see [Tristan]74-tristan awkwardly standing in [the foyer]276-the foyer , unsure what to do . “ Oh , [Mom]123-mom and [Dad]98-dad , this is [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan smiles and shakes [their]2223-their hands . “ Hello , nice to meet [you]2223-their . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]2224-my dad ’m going to kill [that kid]3471-that kid when [I]2224-my dad find [him]3471-that kid , ”[2224-my dad] [[my]0-i dad]2224-my dad murmurs . [Tristan]74-tristan raises [his]74-tristan eyebrows , and [I]0-i know [he]74-tristan ’s thinking get in line . “ [I]74-tristan ’m going to call [Fletch]145-fletch and see where [he]3471-that kid is , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says . “ Okay . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan disappears out the front door . “ [I]0-i ’m going to call [the police]337-the police , ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . “ Good idea , ”[123-mom] [Mom]123-mom says . “ [He]3471-that kid ’ll be somewhere asleep , [Claire]81-claire , ”[123-mom] [[my]0-i dad]2224-my dad reassures [me]0-i . “ Just give [it]4337-it another hour . ”[123-mom] “ [He]3471-that kid ’s here , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan calls . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i stammer as [I]0-i run out onto [the porch]912-the porch . [Tristan]74-tristan points , and [we]2227-we see [Harrison]141-harry pushing [his]141-harry bike up [the street]264-the street . It looks like it has a flat tire or something . [He]141-harry ’s dirty and wet and has a backpack on [his]141-harry back . [He]141-harry looks like [he]141-harry ’s been through a war . [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head in relief , and then a sudden surge of anger rages through [me]0-i like a rapid . [I]0-i march down [the front yard]990-the front yard until [I]0-i get to [him]141-harry . “ Where have [you]141-harry been ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry . [He]141-harry rolls [his]141-harry eyes . “ Why were n’t [you]0-i answering [your]0-i phone ? ”[141-harry] “ [I]141-harry lost it , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry barks with attitude . “ Where were [you]0-i ? ”[141-harry] “ Out ! ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry yells . “ [You]0-i . . . selfish little shit . ”[141-harry] Something snaps inside of [me]0-i . “ [You]141-harry are grounded ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i scream as [I]0-i lose all of [my]0-i control . “ Get in [that house]3470-that house , and do not come out of [[your]141-harry bedroom]3761-your bedroom ever again , ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry . [I]0-i push [his]141-harry back to try to make [him]141-harry get [there]3088-there faster . At least when [he]141-harry ’s in [there]3088-there , [I]0-i know [he]141-harry ’s safe . [I]0-i can protect [him]141-harry from [himself]141-harry . “ [Typical]209-typical , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry mutters under [his]141-harry breath as [he]141-harry storms past [me]0-i . “ [Harrison Anderson]141-harry , [you]141-harry are in so much trouble ! ”[141-harry] [I]0-i yell after [him]141-harry . “ [You]141-harry ’ve lost it — the phone , the internet . Every damn thing [you]141-harry own . . . is gone . ”[0-i] “ [I]141-harry hate [you]0-i . ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry storms inside and marches up [the stairs]290-the stairs . “ [I]141-harry hate [you]0-i all ! ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry yells . [[His]141-harry bedroom]2233-his bedroom door slams shut . Tears roll down [my]0-i face , and [I]0-i ’m shaking in anger . [I]0-i am furious . . . beyond furious . Fuming . “ [We]2234-they ’ll get going , [love]4340-love . ”[123-mom] [Mom]123-mom smiles sadly as [she]123-mom rubs [my]0-i arm . “ Glad [he]141-harry ’s [home]341-home safe . Good luck . ”[123-mom] [They]2234-they turn to [Tristan]74-tristan . “ Nice to meet [you]74-tristan . ”[2234-they] “ [You]74-tristan too . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan forces a smile , and [they]2234-they leave . [I]0-i begin to pace back and forth while [I]0-i wring [my]0-i hands . “ What am [I]0-i going to do with [this fucking kid]3845-this fucking kid , [Tristan]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry . “ [He]3845-this fucking kid ’s out of control and does n’t even care . ”[0-i] [Tristan]74-tristan exhales heavily . “ [I]74-tristan ’ll go call [Fletcher]96-fletcher , let [him]96-fletcher know [he]3845-this fucking kid ’s here . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan disappears out the front door . [Tristan]74-tristan [I]0-i dial [Fletcher]96-fletcher ’s number . “ Hey , [Tris]74-tristan . ”[0-i] “ Hey , [buddy]3394-buddy , [he]3845-this fucking kid ’s [home]341-home , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Are [you]0-i kidding [me]74-tristan ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan growls . “ [I]74-tristan ’ve been riding around all night looking for [him]3845-this fucking kid . [I]74-tristan ’m going to kill [him]3845-this fucking kid . ”[74-tristan] “ Yeah , [I]0-i know . Thanks . Hey . . . [[your]74-tristan mom]3703-your mom is freaking out . Can [you]74-tristan come [home]341-home ? ”[0-i] “ On [my]0-i way . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hang up , exhale heavily , and look out over [the street]264-the street . Where was [he]74-tristan ? [I]0-i glance down and see [his]74-tristan dirty backpack dumped next to the door , and [I]0-i pick it up and go through it . Everything is sopping wet . Where the fuck was [he]74-tristan ? Did it rain here overnight ? A sweater , a bottle of water , some wrappers from chocolate . [I]0-i undo the zipper of the side pocket and pull out a crumpled , wet packet of cigars . What ? [I]0-i read the label . Not just any cigars — expensive ones . Where the fuck did [he]74-tristan get the money for these ? [He]74-tristan smokes ? Jesus , what next ? [He]74-tristan said [he]74-tristan lost [his]74-tristan phone . Is that a lie too , or did it just get wet ? [I]0-i dial [his]74-tristan number again . “ Hello , ”[417-a woman] [a woman]417-a woman answers . [I]0-i frown , surprised . “ Hello , [I]417-a woman . . . ”[417-a woman] [I]0-i hesitate , unsure what to say . “ [You]417-a woman found [my]417-a woman phone ? ”[417-a woman] “ Yes , [dear]3179-dear , ”[522-the woman] [the woman]522-the woman replies . [She]522-the woman sounds elderly . “ Thank [you]0-i so much . ”[522-the woman] [I]0-i hesitate . “ It ’s actually [a friend]3196-a friend ’s phone . Can [I]522-the woman come pick it up ? ”[522-the woman] “ Of course . [I]522-the woman am at [Sixty Napier Street]49-sixty napier street . ”[522-the woman] “ Whereabouts is that ? ”[522-the woman] “ [Suffolk County]50-suffolk county . ”[0-i] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face . [Suffolk County]50-suffolk county . . . that ’s at least fifteen miles from [here]3039-here . “ Where did [you]417-a woman find it ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ On [the street]264-the street , in [the gutter]4350-the gutter , just half an hour ago . ”[0-i] “ Was it raining there last night ? ”[522-the woman] “ Yes , poured all night . Luckily the phone was in the ziplock bag . ”[0-i] What ? This is n’t making any sense at all . “ Okay , see [you]417-a woman soon . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hang up , scribble the address down , and walk inside to [Claire]81-claire . “ [I]0-i ’m just going to [the grocery store]4351-the grocery store . [I]0-i ’ll need to take [[your]81-claire car]3480-your car . Do [you]81-claire want anything ? ”[0-i] “ No , thanks . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire sighs heavily , as if [she]81-claire has the weight of [the world]259-the world on [her]81-claire shoulders . [I]0-i take [her]81-claire into [my]0-i arms and softly kiss [her]81-claire . “ [He]4353-he ’s [home]341-home now , [babe]3682-babe . [You]81-claire can relax . ”[0-i] [I]0-i brush the hair back from [her]81-claire face . [She]81-claire smiles up at [me]0-i . “ [I]81-claire love [you]0-i . ”[81-claire] “ [I]81-claire love [you]81-claire too . ”[81-claire] Feels good hearing that . [I]0-i smile and kiss [her]81-claire again . “ Back soon . ”[0-i] Half an hour later [I]0-i pull up to the address and knock on the front door . “ Hello , ”[2240-the lady] [the lady]2240-the lady answers . “ Hi , [I]2240-the lady ’m here for the phone . Thank [you]0-i so much for answering [my]2240-the lady call . ”[2240-the lady] “ Oh , that ’s okay , [dear]3179-dear . ”[2240-the lady] [She]2240-the lady smiles warmly . “ [I]2240-the lady ’ll just get it . ”[2240-the lady] [She]2240-the lady disappears inside and then returns and hands it over . [I]0-i stare at the phone in [my]0-i hand . Carefully placed in a ziplock bag . “ Where did [you]2240-the lady find it ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Up on the corner of [Elm and Second]51-elm and second . ”[0-i] “ Okay , thanks . [I]0-i really appreciate it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i walk out and get into [[my]0-i car]316-my car and put the street names into the GPS . What are [you]2240-the lady up to , [Wizard]162-wizard ? [I]0-i pull [the car]371-the car up slowly at the corner of [Elm and Second]51-elm and second and stare at the huge black metal gates in front of [me]0-i and read the sign . [SUFFOLK COUNTY CEMETERY]2243-suffolk county cemetery [My]0-i heart drops . There ’s only [one person [I]0-i know who may be [here]3039-here]2244-one person i know who may be here . [Wade Anderson]85-wade . [He]85-wade was coming to see [[his]85-wade dad]358-his dad . Sadness fills [me]0-i as the pieces of the puzzle click into place . With a heavy heart , [I]0-i turn [the car]371-the car on and do a U - turn . [I]0-i need to get back . It ’s just around six o’clock , and [I]0-i finish up the dinner [I]0-i ’ve cooked for [us]2248-us — spaghetti bolognese . [I]0-i need some carbs before [I]0-i curl up and die . [Claire]81-claire fell asleep on the couch watching a movie , and [Patrick]93-patrick and [Fletcher]96-fletcher are sitting on the bench talking to [me]0-i . [My]0-i mind is n’t here with [them]2249-them ; it ’s up with [Harrison]141-harry in [[his]141-harry room]359-his room . [He]141-harry ’s grounded , and [I]0-i ’ve listened to [Claire]93-patrick take [his]141-harry every privilege from [him]141-harry this afternoon . It ’s none of [my]0-i business , and [I]0-i ca n’t intrude . . . but [I]0-i feel for [the kid]1032-the kid . [I]0-i dish [him]1032-the kid up a large bowl of dinner , slather it in grated cheese , and put some garlic bread and a drink on a tray . [He]1032-the kid ’s not allowed out of [[his]1032-the kid room]359-his room . [I]0-i ’ll take [him]1032-the kid dinner before [Claire]93-patrick wakes . [I]0-i make [my]0-i way [upstairs]3043-upstairs and knock on the door . No answer . [I]0-i slowly open it to see [him]1032-the kid lying with [his]1032-the kid back to the door . “ [I]0-i brought [you]1032-the kid some dinner , [Wiz]189-wiz . ”[0-i] No answer . [He]1032-the kid ignores [me]0-i . Hmm . . . [I]0-i walk in and close the door behind [me]0-i . [I]0-i place the tray down on [his]1032-the kid desk and put [my]0-i hands on [my]0-i hips as [I]0-i watch [him]1032-the kid . “ [You]1032-the kid all right ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Get out . ”[0-i] [He]1032-the kid sighs sadly . [I]0-i sit on the end of the bed , trying to work out what to say . “ [I]0-i found [your]1032-the kid phone . ”[0-i] [His]1032-the kid eyes flick to [me]0-i . “ [A lady]4357-a lady found it , and [I]1032-the kid went and picked it up . ”[1032-the kid] [His]1032-the kid eyes drop to the floor . “ Why do n’t [you]0-i tell [[your]1032-the kid mother]3465-your mother that [you]0-i go to [the cemetery]4359-the cemetery ? ”[1032-the kid] [He]1032-the kid clenches [his]1032-the kid jaw but remains silent . “ Is that where [you]0-i are whenever [you]0-i go missing ? ”[1032-the kid] [His]1032-the kid eyes meet [mine]0-i , and [I]0-i know that it is . “ How long does it take [you]1032-the kid to ride out there on [[your]1032-the kid bike]4360-your bike ? ”[1032-the kid] It ’s fifteen miles — must take [him]1032-the kid ages . [He]1032-the kid stays silent . “ [You]1032-the kid got a flat tire last night , and [you]1032-the kid could n’t get [home]341-home ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ And then it poured rain , and [you]1032-the kid were stuck in it for hours as [you]1032-the kid walked [home]341-home ? ”[0-i] [He]1032-the kid still does n’t answer [me]0-i . “ [I]0-i ’m not against [you]1032-the kid here , [Wiz]189-wiz . [I]0-i ’m on [your]1032-the kid side . ”[0-i] [I]0-i put [my]0-i hand on [his]1032-the kid foot . “ [I]0-i ’m trying to work out what the fuck is going on with [you]1032-the kid . Why would n’t [you]1032-the kid just ask [[your]1032-the kid mother]3465-your mother to take [you]1032-the kid [there]3088-there ? Why do [you]1032-the kid lie about where [you]1032-the kid ’ve been ? ”[0-i] “ Because whenever [she]3465-your mother goes [there]3088-there , [she]3465-your mother cries for a week , and [I]97-god ca n’t stand seeing [her]3465-your mother sad . ”[97-god] [God]97-god . [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head , and [we]2254-we sit in silence for a while . “ Where did [you]2255-you get the money for the cigars ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [His]2255-you eyes flick to [me]0-i in horror . “ [You]0-i ’re not in trouble . ”[2255-you] [He]2255-you stays quiet , and then eventually [he]2255-you replies , “ [I]2255-you saved [my]2255-you allowance for six months . ”[2255-you] [I]0-i frown in confusion . [He]2255-you turns away and looks at the wall . “ They were for [Dad]98-dad , ”[2255-you] [he]2255-you whispers softly . [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes as a sadness fills [my]0-i chest . [Poor fucking kid]2256-poor fucking kid . “ Just tell [[your]2255-you mom]3703-your mom where [you]2255-you were . [She]3703-your mom wo n’t be angry at [you]2255-you , ”[0-i] [I]0-i urge . “ What for ? [She]3703-your mom ’ll just haul [me]0-i back to [the psychologist]4367-the psychologist . [I]0-i would rather [her]3703-your mom be angry than worried . [I]0-i ’m done with [the shrinks]4368-the shrinks . ”[0-i] [We]2257-we sit in silence for a while , and [I]0-i do n’t know what to say . “ Have [your]2255-you dinner , and then why do n’t [you]2255-you come down , and [we]2257-we ’ll build [[our]2257-we spaceship]4369-our spaceship for a few hours . ”[2258-his] [He]2258-his stays still , staring at the wall . “ No , thanks . ”[2258-his] [I]0-i put [his]2258-his phone on the bedside table . “ Here ’s [your]2255-you phone . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn toward the door . “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn back to [him]2258-his . “ Can [you]2258-his not tell [her]4370-her ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod . “ Sure thing . ”[0-i] [I]0-i trudge down [the stairs]290-the stairs with a heavy heart and walk out to find [Claire]93-patrick packing up the spaceship model and [Fletcher]96-fletcher standing nearby . “ What are [you]2258-his doing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Putting this in the Goodwill bin . ”[0-i] “ Why ? ”[0-i] “ Because [he]2258-his ’s lying , and [I]0-i wo n’t tolerate it . [I]0-i ’m not taking [his]2258-his crap anymore , [Tristan]74-tristan . [I]0-i ’m done with it . There is no excuse for [his]2258-his behavior . ”[0-i] “ Leave it on the table , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i said leave it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . How the fuck do [I]0-i defend [him]2260-him without telling [her]2261-you what [I]0-i know ? “ Why are [you]0-i suddenly on [his]2258-his side ? ”[2261-you] [she]2261-you snaps back . “ What ’s gotten into [you]0-i ? ”[2261-you] “ Just fucking ease up on [him]2258-his , will [you]2261-you ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ Have [your]2261-you dinner , have a shower , and go to bed . [The boys]3247-the boys and [I]0-i will clean up . Leave [Harrison]141-harry alone for the moment . [You]2261-you ’re tired and emotional . Things will seem better tomorrow ; deal with it then . ”[0-i] [Fletcher]96-fletcher gives [me]0-i a lopsided smile . “ [Tricky]174-tricky , [you]174-tricky ready for dinner ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . [Patrick]93-patrick comes bouncing in from [the living room]1371-the living room . “ Yes , [my]93-patrick favorite . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i sit in [[my]0-i car]316-my car and watch [Harrison]141-harry as [he]141-harry walks up [the road]1474-the road . [I]0-i ’m outside [[his]141-harry school]2265-his school , it ’s just around three o’clock , it ’s finished for the day , and [I]0-i have no fucking idea what [I]0-i ’m doing . Well , [I]0-i do , but [I]0-i ’m pretty sure [Claire]93-patrick would go postal if [she]2266-she did . Too bad . . . [I]0-i have to do this . It ’s been eating at [me]0-i all day . [I]0-i drive [the car]371-the car up alongside [him]141-harry . “ Wiz , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . [He]141-harry turns and frowns . “ What are [you]0-i doing here ? ”[141-harry] “ Get in . ”[141-harry] “ No . ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry keeps walking . “ Get in , or [I]0-i ’m telling [her]4372-her , ”[0-i] [I]0-i threaten . [He]141-harry glares at [me]0-i , exhales heavily , and walks around and gets into [[my]0-i car]316-my car . “ What ? ”[141-harry] [I]0-i hand [him]141-harry a packet of cigars , just like the ones that got wet . [He]141-harry frowns as [he]141-harry looks at them in [his]141-harry hand . “ Do [you]141-harry want to go see [[your]141-harry dad]3941-your dad ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [His]141-harry eyes search [mine]0-i , and [he]141-harry drops [his]141-harry head and stares at the cigars once more . That means yes . [I]0-i pull out into [the street]264-the street , and after a very silent car ride , [I]0-i park [the car]371-the car at [the cemetery]4359-the cemetery . [He]141-harry climbs out , and [I]0-i tentatively follow [him]141-harry through the tombstones . [It]4359-the cemetery ’s beautiful here , with green lush lawns , and immaculately kept . WADE ANDERSON BELOVED HUSBAND AND FATHER FOREVER LOVED , SADLY MISSED [I]0-i put [my]0-i hands into [my]0-i suit pockets as [I]0-i look on . [Harrison]141-harry wipes the nameplate clean with [his]141-harry shirt and straightens the flowers , and [I]0-i can tell that [he]141-harry comes [here]3039-here often . Alone . [I]0-i get a lump in [my]0-i throat as [I]0-i watch [him]141-harry . With a shaky hand , [he]141-harry opens the packet and gets out a cigar and carefully places it on [the grave]2273-the grave . “ Here they are , [Dad]98-dad , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry whispers . “ [Your]98-dad favorite . ”[141-harry] [I]0-i clench [my]0-i jaw . This is too much . [He]141-harry takes one out and holds it in [his]141-harry hand , and then [he]141-harry passes one to [me]0-i . [I]0-i frown in surprise . [I]0-i take it , pull out a lighter from [my]0-i pocket , and flick it on . [He]141-harry stares at [me]0-i for a moment , shocked . [I]0-i bend and light [my]0-i cigar and inhale deeply , and then [I]0-i hold it alight for [him]141-harry . [He]141-harry does the same . [He]141-harry takes in a big breath and coughs as [he]141-harry chokes , and [I]0-i chuckle as [I]0-i blow out the thin stream of smoke . [I]0-i hold the cigar up and look at it . “ Not bad . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ [You]141-harry got good taste , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say to [the tombstone]2274-the tombstone . [Harrison]141-harry fights a smile as [he]141-harry takes another drag . [He]141-harry puffs the smoke out like a dragon , and [I]0-i can tell [he]141-harry does n’t normally smoke . “ This is [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[141-harry] [Harrison]141-harry says to [the tombstone]2274-the tombstone . [I]0-i smile and dip [my]0-i head in a greeting . “ [Mr. Anderson]210-mr. anderson . ”[0-i] [Harrison]141-harry looks at [me]0-i for a moment and then touches the tombstone . “ [You]0-i can touch it . ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry pats it , as if to entice [me]0-i . [He]141-harry wants [me]0-i to shake hands with [[his]141-harry dad]358-his dad . [I]0-i walk over and put [my]0-i hand on the top of the cold hard stone . Goose bumps scatter up [my]0-i arms , and a weird emotion overwhelms [me]0-i . In some strange way , [I]0-i feel like this is the changing of [the guard]2277-the guard . [The family [he]141-harry loved]2278-the family he loved . . . is now with [me]0-i . In [my]0-i care , for [me]0-i to love . “ Nice to meet [you]141-harry , [Wade]85-wade , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [Claire]93-patrick [I]0-i watch [the man in the expensive navy suit and perfect posture]2279-the man in the expensive navy suit and perfect posture — [the big - time city businessman who looks so out of place here]2280-the big - time city businessman who looks so out of place here . [He]2279-the man in the expensive navy suit and perfect posture slowly lifts the cigar to [his]2279-the man in the expensive navy suit and perfect posture lips and inhales deeply . [He]2279-the man in the expensive navy suit and perfect posture says something to [the young boy [he]2279-the man in the expensive navy suit and perfect posture ’s with]2281-the young boy he ’s with , then exhales the smoke in a thin stream . [His]2279-the man in the expensive navy suit and perfect posture hand rests on [the boy]3924-the boy ’s shoulder as [they]2283-they continue [their]2283-they conversation . [My]0-i heart constricts . [I]0-i lean up against the tree in [the cemetery]4359-the cemetery . [Their]2283-they silhouettes blur through tears as [I]0-i watch [Harrison]141-harry and [Tristan]74-tristan standing over [[Wade]85-wade ’s grave]2285-wade ’s grave . If [someone]3143-someone cut [my]0-i heart open with a knife , it would be less painful than watching this . [The man whom [I]0-i love , taking [[my]0-i son]1115-my son to see [[his]1115-my son dead father]2289-his dead father . . . smoking a cigar with [them]2283-they]2287-the man whom i love , taking my son to see his dead father . . . smoking a cigar with them . And [I]0-i know that [Harrison]141-harry is too young to smoke , and [they]2283-they should n’t be doing this . [I]0-i should be furious . [I]0-i should be appalled . . . but then . . . [Wade]85-wade loved cigars . [My]0-i chest shudders as [I]0-i try to get a hold on [my]0-i emotions . This would be so special to [Wade]85-wade . . . having a cigar with [[his]85-wade son]2290-his son . [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes , the pain unbearable . [I]0-i went to pick up [Harrison]141-harry from [school]3101-school so [I]0-i could try to talk to [him]141-harry alone , and then [I]0-i saw [him]141-harry getting into [[Tristan]74-tristan ’s car]1964-tristan ’s car , and [I]0-i followed [them]2293-them [here]3039-here . This is the last thing [I]0-i expected to see . [I]0-i do n’t want [them]2293-them to see [me]0-i . [I]0-i turn and walk back to [[my]0-i car]316-my car , the tears streaming down [my]0-i face . [I]0-i get in , and without looking back , [I]0-i drive [home]341-home in tears . [I]0-i ’m in love with [a beautiful man]683-a beautiful man . [I]0-i toss the salad in the bowl and glance at the clock . Seven o’clock . [The boys]3247-the boys have done [their]3247-the boys chores and are watching television . [My]0-i heart is bursting with love , and [I]0-i am totally in awe of [Tristan]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan did something , [he]74-tristan did something very special for [me]0-i . . . and for [Wade]85-wade — and to know that [he]74-tristan has [Harry]141-harry ’s back when [I]0-i did n’t cuts [my]0-i heart wide open . [I]0-i ’ve just realized that [he]74-tristan has a specialized skill that , no matter what , [I]0-i could n’t give [[my]0-i boys]1672-my boys . Perspective . This is what [they]1672-my boys ’ve been craving . This is what [they]1672-my boys ’ve been missing in [their]1672-my boys lives . No wonder [I]0-i was struggling so hard with [them]1672-my boys . [I]0-i could n’t see [the forest]2300-the forest for the trees . [Harry]141-harry did n’t mention going to [the cemetery]4359-the cemetery , and [I]0-i have n’t brought up anything about the weekend . [I]0-i ’m acting normal because [I]0-i ’m not sure what to say . Whatever [he]74-tristan and [Tristan]74-tristan have talked about , [he]74-tristan wants to keep to [himself]74-tristan . If [he]74-tristan wanted [me]0-i to know , [he]74-tristan would have told [me]0-i . [The Aston Martin]34-aston martin pulls up in [the driveway]910-the driveway . “ [Tristan]74-tristan ’s [here]3039-here ! ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick yells as [he]93-patrick runs for the front door . [Fletcher]96-fletcher caught [the subway]2303-the subway [home]341-home . [I]0-i ’m not actually sure where [Tris]74-tristan has been since then . [I]0-i watch through the window as [Patrick]93-patrick opens [Tristan]74-tristan ’s car door and talks a million miles per minute . [Tristan]74-tristan listens and laughs . [He]74-tristan ’s so patient with [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan passes [him]74-tristan [his]74-tristan laptop bag , and [Patrick]93-patrick proudly carries it in . [Fletcher]96-fletcher goes to the door to greet [him]74-tristan , and [Harry]141-harry stays sitting on the couch . “ Hello , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says as [he]74-tristan walks into [the living room]1371-the living room . [His]74-tristan eyes find [Harry]141-harry across [the room]370-the room , and [he]141-harry gives [him]141-harry a nod . [Harry]141-harry gives [him]141-harry a lopsided smile , and [my]0-i heart soars . It ’s going to be okay . . . it ’s all going to be okay . “ Hello , [Anderson]141-harry , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan purrs in [his]74-tristan oh - so - sexy deep voice . [I]0-i take [him]74-tristan into [my]0-i arms . “ Hello , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[0-i] [I]0-i lean up and kiss [him]74-tristan softly , and [he]74-tristan frowns , surprised [I]0-i ’m kissing [him]74-tristan in front of [the boys]3247-the boys . “ Where have [you]74-tristan been ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [I]0-i had a meeting this afternoon and . . . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan hesitates as [he]74-tristan thinks of a lie . “ [I]74-tristan had a busy afternoon . ”[74-tristan] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile up at [my]0-i gorgeous liar . “ Dinner ’s nearly ready . ”[0-i] “ Good . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i softly again . “ [I]74-tristan ’m starving . ”[74-tristan] Chapter 22 [Tristan]74-tristan [I]0-i stand in the elevator and turn up [my]0-i nose . What is that smell ? [I]0-i got up and left early , trained with [[my]0-i personal trainer]2308-my personal trainer , and got dressed in [the bathroom at [the gym]3827-the gym]2309-the bathroom at the gym . [I]0-i look around at [[my]0-i surroundings]2311-my surroundings . [This elevator]2312-this elevator stinks . What the fuck cleaning products are [they]2313-they using ? The doors open , and [I]0-i stride out . “ Morning , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say to [the girls at reception]1649-the girls at reception . “ Morning , ”[0-i] [they]1649-the girls at reception all reply . [I]0-i can still smell it . Ugh , it ’s horrendous . Must have permeated [my]0-i nostrils . It ’s foul . What the heck is it ? [I]0-i walk into [[my]0-i office]298-my office and begin to sniff around . Is it the carpet ? [I]0-i push the intercom . “ [Sammia]137-sammia , what is that godawful fucking smell ? ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[0-i] “ Can [you]0-i smell something ? ”[0-i] “ No . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i can smell something . ”[0-i] “ Maybe [you]0-i wore too much aftershave . ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Whatever . Can [you]0-i make sure [[my]0-i car]316-my car is here to pick [me]0-i up right at nine , please ? [I]0-i need to be early for [my]0-i meeting this morning . ”[0-i] “ Already booked , [boss]4376-boss . ”[0-i] “ Thanks . ”[0-i] [I]0-i walk into [[my]0-i bathroom]2316-my bathroom and wash [my]0-i hands . Maybe [I]0-i touched something at [the gym]3827-the gym ? [I]0-i take a seat at [my]0-i desk and turn on [my]0-i computer . [I]0-i wince from the odor . “ Oh [my]0-i God , this is intolerable , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter . [I]0-i push the intercom again . “ [Sammia]137-sammia , can [you]137-sammia come here for a moment , please ? ”[2318-she] [She]2318-she sighs . “ Fine . ”[2318-she] [I]0-i go back to [my]0-i computer . Moments later [she]2318-she walks in . “ Yes ? ”[2318-she] “ What is that smell ? ”[2318-she] [She]2318-she screws up [her]2318-she nose as [she]2318-she inhales . “ Hmm . . . [I]2318-she can smell something . ”[2318-she] “ See . [I]2318-she told [you]0-i . ”[2318-she] [She]2318-she sniffs . . . and sniffs . [She]2318-she walks around and then leans in toward [me]0-i . “ It ’s [you]0-i . ”[2318-she] [My]0-i eyes widen in horror , and [I]0-i sniff the sleeve of [my]0-i suit . “ What ? ”[0-i] [She]2318-she leans in and sniffs again . “ Smells like cat piss . ”[2318-she] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i explode . [I]0-i jump from [my]0-i chair and tear off [my]0-i jacket . [I]0-i glance down , and [I]0-i see a faint mark on [my]0-i shoes — [my]0-i four - thousand - dollar fucking shoes . “ That fucking [Muff Cat]138-muff has pissed in [my]0-i overnight bag ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i scream . [Sammia]137-sammia puts [her]137-sammia hands over [her]137-sammia mouth and bursts out laughing . [I]0-i kick off [my]0-i shoes , tear off [my]0-i socks , and take off [my]0-i shirt and tie and throw them into a pile on the floor . “ Burn these fucking things . All of them ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i yell . “ [I]0-i do n’t have fucking time for this . ”[0-i] [I]0-i march out of [the office]3078-the office and down past [reception]378-reception . “ Hell yeah . ”[211-mallory] [Mallory]211-mallory from reception giggles as [she]211-mallory sees [me]0-i shirtless . “ Boom . ”[211-mallory] [Sammia]137-sammia laughs out loud behind [me]0-i . “ [I]137-sammia ’ll say , ”[137-sammia] [she]137-sammia chimes in . “ Not funny ! ”[137-sammia] [I]0-i cry as [I]0-i storm into [[Jameson]113-jameson ’s office]2321-jameson ’s office . [He]113-jameson ’s just arrived and glances up from [his]113-jameson desk . “ What the fuck are [you]0-i doing ? ”[113-jameson] [He]113-jameson frowns . “ Give [me]113-jameson [your]0-i clothes . ”[113-jameson] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i hold [my]0-i hand out . “ That [Muff Cat]138-muff pissed on [my]0-i clothes , and [I]0-i have the most important meeting of the year . Give [me]0-i [your]0-i fucking suit . ”[0-i] [He]113-jameson bursts out laughing . “ [I]0-i ’m not joking , ”[0-i] [I]0-i bark . “ Give [me]0-i [your]113-jameson clothes and shoes . Right now . ”[0-i] [Sammia]137-sammia and [Mallory]211-mallory are laughing hard at the door . “ Not fucking funny , [you]2322-the three of them two , ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry . “ [Sammia]137-sammia , call [Claire]93-patrick and tell [her]4377-her the cat is going to hell . When [I]0-i get ahold of that thing . . . tick fucking tock . ”[0-i] [I]0-i punch [my]0-i fist hard . [The three of them]2322-the three of them burst out laughing again . [Jameson]113-jameson stands and begins to unbutton [his]113-jameson shirt . “ [I]113-jameson thought [Elliot]127-elliot and [Christopher]128-christopher were coming in today . Take [their]2322-the three of them suits . ”[113-jameson] “ [They]2322-the three of them wo n’t be [here]3039-here until after ten . [They]2322-the three of them have a breakfast meeting . ”[113-jameson] “ [Sammia]137-sammia , can [you]137-sammia find [Jameson]113-jameson some clothes , please ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . “ Do [I]2323-i have to ? ”[2323-i] [She]2323-i sighs dreamily . [He]113-jameson hands over [his]113-jameson shirt , and [we]2324-we suddenly become aware of [the three reception girls standing at the door]2325-the three reception girls standing at the door watching , and [we]2324-we both glance over . [Sammia]137-sammia gives [us]2324-we a goofy smile and shrugs . “ Do n’t mind [us]2324-we ; this is the most exciting thing that ’s happened in [the office]3078-the office for like . . . forever . ”[137-sammia] [I]0-i glance at [Jameson]113-jameson , and [he]113-jameson rolls [his]113-jameson eyes . What must [we]2324-we look like , both shirtless and half - undressed in [the office]3078-the office ? “ Fucking perverts , ”[0-i] [I]0-i huff . “ Go watch some porn or something . ”[0-i] “ This is better . ”[137-sammia] [Sammia]137-sammia sighs again . “ Jesus Christ , ”[113-jameson] [Jameson]113-jameson mutters under [his]113-jameson breath . [The girls]400-the girls all giggle and slowly return to [their]400-the girls desks . [Jameson]113-jameson hands over [his]113-jameson shirt and tie and suit and shoes and socks , and [I]0-i change into [them]2328-them . [Elliot]127-elliot comes in the door unexpectedly , and [his]127-elliot face falls when [he]127-elliot sees [Jameson]113-jameson sitting at [his]127-elliot desk in only [his]127-elliot boxer shorts . “ What the hell is going on ? ”[127-elliot] “ [Claire]93-patrick ’s cat pissed on [his]127-elliot clothes . ”[113-jameson] [Jameson]113-jameson smirks . “ [He]127-elliot has a meeting . Can [you]0-i go and buy [me]113-jameson a new suit ? ”[113-jameson] [Elliot]127-elliot ’s brows rise in horror , and [he]127-elliot looks to [me]0-i . “ Do n’t fucking say it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i growl . [He]127-elliot bursts out laughing . “ [You]0-i fucking idiot . ”[127-elliot] [I]0-i storm out of [the office]3078-the office as [I]0-i do [my]0-i tie . “ Goodbye , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call as [I]0-i storm through [the office]3078-the office . “ This is not the morning [I]0-i had in fucking mind . ”[0-i] “ Good luck ! ”[400-the girls] [the girls]400-the girls all call . “ [I]400-the girls hope [you]0-i do n’t run into any more cats out there . ”[400-the girls] “ Shut up , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap as [I]0-i step into [the elevator]571-the elevator . “ This is n’t fucking funny . ”[0-i] It ’s just around four o’clock when [Sammia]137-sammia ’s voice echoes through the intercom . “ [Tris]74-tristan , [[your]74-tristan mom]3703-your mom is here . ”[137-sammia] [I]0-i hit send on [my]0-i email . . . great . “ Send [her]137-sammia in . ”[0-i] [I]0-i knew this was coming . [I]0-i stand and go to the door and open it . [Her]137-sammia lovely face comes into view , and [I]0-i smile . “ Hello , [Mom]123-mom . ”[0-i] “ Hello , [darling]3709-darling . ”[137-sammia] [She]137-sammia smiles as [she]137-sammia walks past [me]0-i . [She]137-sammia takes a seat at [my]0-i desk , and [I]0-i hit the intercom . “ [Mallory]211-mallory , can [you]211-mallory bring [[my]137-sammia mother]762-my mother in some tea , please ? ”[137-sammia] “ Of course . ”[137-sammia] [She]137-sammia smiles and stares at [me]0-i . “ Yes ? ”[137-sammia] [I]0-i smirk . “ [Claire]93-patrick ’s lovely . ”[0-i] “ [She]137-sammia is . ”[0-i] [I]0-i rest [my]0-i elbow on [my]0-i desk and steeple [my]0-i fingers up over [my]0-i temple . [She]137-sammia stays silent . “ But . . . ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [She]137-sammia hesitates . “ Come on , [Mother]212-mother , [you]0-i have come here for a reason today . What is it ? ”[137-sammia] “ [Tristan]74-tristan . . . ”[137-sammia] [She]137-sammia pauses . “ Why do [you]0-i think [you]0-i like [Claire]93-patrick ? ”[137-sammia] “ [I]137-sammia do n’t like [her]137-sammia , [Mom]123-mom . [I]137-sammia love [her]137-sammia . ”[137-sammia] [She]137-sammia inhales sharply . “ [Tris]74-tristan . ”[137-sammia] [She]137-sammia stands and walks to the window and stares out over [the city]4297-the city . “ Ever since [you]0-i were [a child]3292-a child , [you]0-i have had a very strong personality trait . ”[137-sammia] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i listen . “ And so far in business , it has served [you]0-i well . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stay silent . “ But now [I]0-i feel [I]0-i must make [you]0-i aware of it , because [I]0-i fear it is affecting [you]0-i personally . ”[0-i] “ What are [you]137-sammia talking about , [Mom]123-mom ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh , annoyed . [She]137-sammia turns to [me]0-i . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , [you]0-i like to fix things . ”[137-sammia] [I]0-i frown harder . What ? “ [You]0-i do n’t destroy [companies]1655-companies ; [you]0-i buy [them]1655-companies to fix [them]1655-companies . It is [your]0-i natural ability to sense when something needs [you]0-i . [You]0-i have always been like this , even when [you]0-i were [a tiny little boy]4385-a tiny little boy . [You]0-i are attracted to [people who need help]4386-people who need help . ”[137-sammia] [I]0-i stare at [her]137-sammia . “ Think about it . [The staff that [you]0-i [yourself]0-i hire]4387-the staff that you yourself hire always have an issue that [they]4387-the staff that you yourself hire need to overcome . ”[137-sammia] [My]0-i mind instantly goes to [Fletcher]96-fletcher . “ [The companies that [you]0-i want]4388-the companies that you want always are in trouble . ”[96-fletcher] “ That ’s [my]137-sammia job , [Mom]123-mom . ”[137-sammia] “ No , [Tristan]74-tristan , [nobody]3093-nobody ever told [you]74-tristan that [you]74-tristan need to buy [companies in trouble]4390-companies in trouble . [You]74-tristan took that on [yourself]74-tristan . Are [you]74-tristan in love with [Claire]93-patrick because [she]4391-her needs [you]74-tristan to fix [her]4391-her ? ”[2334-her] “ No , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap , annoyed . “ [[Her]4391-her sons]4392-her sons , do [they]4392-her sons have problems ? Because [I]0-i can guarantee the bigger the problems [they]4392-her sons have , the more [you]74-tristan will be attracted to [them]4392-her sons . ”[0-i] [I]0-i clench [my]0-i jaw as [I]0-i watch [her]2334-her . “ [Every girlfriend [you]74-tristan have ever had]4393-every girlfriend you have ever had has needed fixing . . . except [Mary]213-mary . ”[0-i] [My]0-i nostrils flair at the mention of [her]2334-her name . [Mary]213-mary was [[my]0-i second girlfriend]4013-my second girlfriend . [I]0-i grieved [her]213-mary for years after [we]2336-we broke up . “ [You]74-tristan loved [Mary]213-mary , [Tristan]74-tristan . With all [your]74-tristan heart [you]74-tristan loved [her]213-mary . But [she]213-mary did n’t need fixing , so [you]74-tristan felt that [you]74-tristan had to leave [her]213-mary . ”[0-i] [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head and stare at the carpet as a piece of [my]0-i puzzle falls into place . . . the world begins to spin . . . is [she]2337-she right ? “ Why do [you]74-tristan think [you]74-tristan were so heartbroken breaking up with [her]213-mary ? And yet [you]74-tristan could n’t take [her]213-mary back , ”[123-mom] [Mom]123-mom says . “ Could [you]74-tristan ? ”[123-mom] [My]0-i eyes search [hers]2337-she . “ [You]74-tristan are about to perhaps give up the chance to have [[your]74-tristan own children]4394-your own children for [a woman [you]74-tristan think [you]74-tristan need to fix]4395-a woman you think you need to fix . [Those boys]4396-those boys will never be [yours]74-tristan , [Tristan]74-tristan . [They]4396-those boys are [hers]213-mary and [his]74-tristan . ”[2337-she] [I]0-i begin to hear [my]0-i heartbeat in [my]0-i ears . “ [I]2337-she love [Claire]93-patrick , [Mom]123-mom . ”[2337-she] “ [I]2338-i know [you]74-tristan do , [darling]3709-darling . There ’s a lot to love . ”[2338-i] [She]2338-i smiles softly and cups [my]0-i face in [her]2338-i hand . “ But before [you]0-i go any further with [her]213-mary and [[her]213-mary children]1059-her children , [I]2338-i need [you]0-i to do something . ”[2338-i] “ What ? ”[2337-she] “ [You]74-tristan do this for [me]2338-i , and [I]2338-i will never ever bring this up again , and [I]2338-i ’ll embrace [Claire]93-patrick and [[her]213-mary boys]4399-her boys as if [they]4399-her boys are [my]2338-i own . ”[2338-i] “ What do [you]74-tristan want ? ”[2338-i] “ [I]0-i want [you]0-i to go and see [Mary]213-mary . ”[0-i] [I]0-i clench [my]0-i jaw . [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i can . It hurts [me]0-i just to think of [her]2339-her . “ After seeing [her]2339-her , if [you]0-i can honestly tell [me]2339-her that [you]0-i do n’t have any feelings for [Mary]213-mary and what [I]2339-her am saying is n’t right , [you]0-i have [my]2339-her blessing with [Claire]93-patrick . ”[2339-her] “ [Mary]213-mary ’s probably married by now , [Mom]123-mom . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ [She]213-mary ’s still in love with [you]0-i , [Tristan]74-tristan . [She]213-mary never got over [you]0-i . ”[0-i] [My]0-i chest tightens , and [I]0-i frown in pain . “ [I]2340-i speak to [her]213-mary often . ”[2340-i] [She]2340-i hands [me]0-i a card with [her]2340-i name and address . “ [She]213-mary ’s expecting [your]0-i call today . ”[2340-i] [Claire]93-patrick [I]0-i read the text and frown . That ’s weird . Hi babe , Something has come up tonight . [I]0-i ’ll see [you]0-i tomorrow . Love [you]0-i xoxox [He]0-i ’s never texted [me]0-i before about not seeing [me]0-i . In fact , [he]0-i ’s never not seen [me]0-i . From the day that [Patrick]93-patrick asked [him]0-i not to leave , [he]0-i never has . Uneasiness fills [me]0-i . [I]0-i spoke to [him]0-i this morning in [[his]0-i limo]2341-his limo , and [he]0-i was going postal about [Muff]138-muff — no mention of anything going on tonight , though . [I]0-i frown and text back . Okay , have a good night . Love [you]0-i , xoxox It ’s late , ten o’clock , and [I]0-i stare at [my]0-i phone as [I]0-i sit at the [kitchen]2342-kitchen counter . [Tristan]74-tristan has n’t called [me]0-i to say good night . Something feels off , but [I]0-i ca n’t put [my]0-i finger on it . [Fletcher]96-fletcher has been hovering around [me]0-i all night , and [I]0-i wonder what went on at [the office]3078-the office today . [He]0-i ’s now pretending to make a drink and not wanting to go to bed . “ How was [Tristan]74-tristan at work today ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [His]0-i haunted eyes meet [mine]0-i . What is that look ? “ Is something wrong , [Fletch]145-fletch ? ”[0-i] [He]0-i twists [his]0-i hands in front of [him]0-i , as if nervous . “ Where did [Tristan]74-tristan say [he]74-tristan was tonight ? ”[0-i] [he]0-i asks quietly . [My]0-i stomach drops . “ Something came up . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes search [his]0-i . “ Do [you]0-i know where [he]74-tristan is tonight ? ”[0-i] [He]0-i nods , but [he]0-i stays silent . “ [You]145-fletch can tell [me]0-i , [baby]3208-baby . Nothing bad is going to happen . [Tristan]74-tristan and [I]0-i are [adults]4401-adults . ”[0-i] [He]0-i tentatively sits down beside [me]0-i at the counter . “ [[His]74-tristan mother]3642-his mother came to see [him]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ [I]0-i should n’t have , but [I]0-i listened at the door . ”[0-i] “ Why ? ”[0-i] “ Because last time [she]3642-his mother was [there]3088-there , [I]0-i heard [her]3642-his mother warning [Tristan]74-tristan that [he]74-tristan would n’t have [[his]74-tristan own children]4404-his own children if [he]74-tristan stayed with [you]0-i . ”[0-i] [My]0-i heart drops . “ What did [Tristan]74-tristan say to that ? ”[0-i] “ [He]74-tristan said [he]74-tristan knew , but [he]74-tristan wanted [you]0-i more . ”[0-i] [I]0-i get a lump in [my]0-i throat , overwhelmed that [he]2344-he would make that sacrifice to be with [me]0-i . “ What did [she]3642-his mother say today ? ”[2344-he] “ [She]3642-his mother said that [Tristan]74-tristan only wants things that [he]74-tristan can fix . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ [She]3642-his mother said that it ’s part of [his]74-tristan personality , that [he]74-tristan ’s drawn to people who need [him]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [He]2344-he is — [I]0-i already know that . [He]2344-he drops [his]2344-he head and frowns , as if not wanting to elaborate . “ Go on , [baby]3208-baby . ”[2344-he] [I]0-i smile . “ It ’s okay . ”[0-i] “ [She]3642-his mother said that [she]3642-his mother thinks [Tristan]74-tristan is still in love with [[his]74-tristan ex - girlfriend]1773-his ex - girlfriend and that [he]74-tristan only left [her]3642-his mother because [she]3642-his mother did n’t need to be fixed . ”[0-i] [My]0-i heart drops . [I]0-i know which [ex - girlfriend [she]2344-he ’s talking about]2345-ex - girlfriend she ’s talking about . [He]2344-he ’s talked about [her]2345-ex - girlfriend she ’s talking about often . “ [She]3642-his mother thinks that [Tristan]74-tristan is only with [you]0-i because [we]2346-we are all so damaged , and [he]74-tristan wants to help [us]2346-we . ”[2344-he] Ouch . . . [My]0-i eyes fill with tears , and [I]0-i blink to try to get rid of them before [Fletcher]96-fletcher sees . [We]2346-we stare at [each other]286-each other for a moment . “ Where is [he]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [He]74-tristan went to see [Mary]213-mary . [He]74-tristan went to see if [he]74-tristan still loves [her]213-mary . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sit in the dark on [the front porch]922-the front porch in the seat swing and rock gently back and forth . It ’s 12:40 a.m. [I]0-i ca n’t sleep . How could [I]0-i ? It ’s quiet and still ; only the creak of the chair can be heard . [Elizabeth]99-ellie is right . In [my]0-i heart of hearts , [I]0-i know [she]99-ellie ’s right . [Tristan]74-tristan is n’t [a soul sucker]2349-a soul sucker . . . [he]74-tristan ’s [a savior]2350-a savior . [An angel in a perfect suit]2351-an angel in a perfect suit , [he]74-tristan hides behind [his]74-tristan asshole title . [He]74-tristan ’s [a good man who takes no credit]2352-a good man who takes no credit . [I]0-i rock back and forth as [I]0-i think . [He]74-tristan came in [here]3039-here like [a white knight]3050-a white knight , against all odds , and even though [he]74-tristan knew [we]2355-we were n’t right for [each other]286-each other , [he]74-tristan saw how damaged [I]0-i was , and so [he]74-tristan fought for [us]2355-we . [He]74-tristan fought to save [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan thawed [me]0-i from [my]0-i frozen state . [I]0-i get a vision of [him]74-tristan and [Harry]141-harry at [[Wade]85-wade ’s grave]2285-wade ’s grave yesterday , and [my]0-i heart breaks . [[My]0-i boys]1672-my boys are going to lose [another man [they]1672-my boys admire and care about]2359-another man they admire and care about . [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face in tears . [I]0-i really loved [him]74-tristan . It hurts to know why [he]74-tristan loved [me]0-i . The tears roll down [my]0-i face as [I]0-i try to wrap [my]0-i head around dealing with another loss . [He]74-tristan loved [Mary]213-mary , and [he]74-tristan left [her]213-mary because [he]74-tristan felt [he]74-tristan had to . [I]0-i do n’t want that for [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i want [him]74-tristan to be happy and live [his]74-tristan life with [his]74-tristan true love . [He]74-tristan deserves that . [We]2360-we all deserve that . [I]0-i wipe [my]0-i eyes and take out [my]0-i phone , and [I]0-i call [his]74-tristan number . It goes to voice mail . [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i prepare to push the words past [my]0-i lips . “ Hi , [Tris]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile sadly . “ It ’s [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause as [I]0-i try to get the wording right . “ [I]0-i hope everything went well with [you]74-tristan and [Mary]213-mary tonight . ”[0-i] [My]0-i face crumples . “ [I]0-i just want [you]74-tristan to know that [I]0-i understand and . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head . “ And . . . thank [you]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face . “ Thank [you]74-tristan for trying with [us]4407-us . [I]0-i appreciate it more than [you]74-tristan know . . . but [I]0-i ’m letting [you]74-tristan go . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wipe the tears as they roll down [my]0-i face . “ [I]0-i want [you]74-tristan to be with [her]4408-she . [[Your]74-tristan mother]3465-your mother is right . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile sadly . “ [She]4408-she ’s [the one [you]74-tristan really love]4410-the one you really love . ”[0-i] “ No , [she]4408-she ’s not . ”[74-tristan] The voice comes from behind [me]0-i . [I]0-i turn to see [Tristan]74-tristan standing behind [me]0-i on the grass . [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan hands on [his]74-tristan hips , indignant . “ What fucking bullshit are [you]0-i going on with , [woman]3081-woman ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan frowns . “ What are [you]74-tristan doing here ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i stand . [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan hands out wide , as if [I]0-i ’m [a fool]2361-a fool . “ [I]74-tristan ’m coming [home]341-home to sleep — what does it look like ? ”[74-tristan] “ But . . . [Mary]213-mary ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan takes [me]0-i into [his]74-tristan arms , and [his]74-tristan lips softly take [mine]0-i . “ [Mary]213-mary . . . , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Was like seeing [a sister]4413-a sister . Nothing there at all . Just like [I]0-i knew it would be . [I]0-i went [there]3088-there to mollify [[my]0-i mother]762-my mother . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan love [you]0-i . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i softly . “ And to be honest , [I]74-tristan ’m glad [I]74-tristan went , because it proved something to [me]74-tristan . . . [[my]74-tristan mother]762-my mother ’s got it all wrong . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan takes [my]0-i face into [his]74-tristan hands , and [I]0-i stare up at [him]74-tristan through tears . “ [You]0-i and [the boys]3247-the boys . . . are saving [me]74-tristan . Not the other way around . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan lips touch [mine]0-i , and [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face against [his]74-tristan . “ [I]74-tristan love [you]0-i , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ [I]74-tristan do n’t want to be anywhere else . In fact [I]74-tristan ’ve decided that [I]74-tristan want to move in [here]3039-here . ”[74-tristan] Hope blooms in [my]0-i chest . “ [You]74-tristan do ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan have some of [my]74-tristan stuff in [the car]371-the car . [I]74-tristan was actually at [home]341-home packing [a suitcase]4421-a suitcase . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan gestures out to [the street]264-the street , and [I]0-i see [a brand - new black]2363-a brand - new black [Range Rover]53-range rover . “ What is [that car]4422-that car ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . [He]74-tristan shrugs casually . “ [I]74-tristan got [us]4423-us [a new car]4424-a new car . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile up at [the beautiful man in front of [me]0-i]2211-the beautiful man in front of me . “ Are [you]74-tristan sure about this . . . about [us]4423-us , [Tris]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [Claire]93-patrick . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan smiles down at [me]0-i as [he]74-tristan pushes the hair back from [my]0-i face . “ [I]74-tristan love [you]0-i more than anything . This . . . is where [I]74-tristan want to be . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan lips take [mine]0-i . “ And [I]74-tristan ’m going to kill [Fletcher]96-fletcher for listening through doors , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan adds . [I]0-i giggle through tears . “ And [the Muff Cat]138-muff is going fucking down . [I]0-i ’m going [inside]4425-inside to piss in [its]138-muff bed right now . ”[0-i] [I]0-i laugh out loud as [he]74-tristan drags [me]0-i into [the house]924-the house . “ And how dare [you]0-i think [I]74-tristan was in love with [Mary]213-mary ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ [I]74-tristan ’m fucking [your]0-i ass for that , [Anderson]96-fletcher . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan slaps [me]0-i hard on the behind as [I]0-i take the bottom step . [I]0-i giggle . [[My]0-i man]2366-my man is [home]341-home . [Tristan]74-tristan hovers in [the kitchen]928-the kitchen , making [his]74-tristan coffee , and [I]0-i brace [myself]0-i . [I]0-i have to talk to [the boys]3247-the boys . [I]0-i just want to make it a casual conversation as [they]3247-the boys sit at the counter eating [their]3247-the boys breakfast . “ So . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown as [I]0-i swallow the sand in [my]0-i throat . “ [I]74-tristan wanted to talk to [[you]3247-the boys boys]3580-you boys . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan drains [his]74-tristan coffee cup and rushes into [the living room]1371-the living room . [He]74-tristan does n’t want to hear this . “ Yeah . ”[74-tristan] [They]3247-the boys all keep eating [their]3247-the boys cereal . “ [I]3247-the boys was wondering if [Tristan]74-tristan could move in . ”[3247-the boys] [They]3247-the boys all stop eating and stare at [me]0-i . “ It would mean that . . . ”[3247-the boys] [I]0-i pause , feeling faint . “ It would mean that [he]74-tristan would live here with [us]4427-us . . . and that [he]74-tristan does n’t have to sleep on the couch anymore — that ’s all . It ’s beginning to hurt [his]74-tristan back . ”[3247-the boys] “ Okay , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick says as [he]93-patrick eats . [I]0-i look to [the other two]1099-the other two . “ And of course , [he]74-tristan would become part of [[our]4427-us family]4428-our family now . ”[0-i] [Tristan]74-tristan reappears through the door , and [Harry]141-harry ’s eyes rise to meet [his]74-tristan . “ Do [you]74-tristan want to move in here ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan nods . “ Yes . ”[74-tristan] [Harry]141-harry shrugs and keeps chewing . “ What does that mean ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask nervously . “ Yeah . . . okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Okay what ? ”[0-i] “ If [he]74-tristan must . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan ’s and [my]0-i eyes meet . Surely it ca n’t be that simple . [I]0-i turn [my]0-i attention to [Fletcher]96-fletcher . “ [I]96-fletcher ’ll think about it . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher glares at [Tristan]74-tristan , and [I]0-i remember what [he]96-fletcher heard yesterday . “ Okay , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says . “ Come on . [We]4429-we need to leave soon . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher turns to [Harry]141-harry . “ [You]141-harry get [your]141-harry grade back today , do n’t [you]141-harry , [Wiz]4161-wiz ? ”[96-fletcher] “ Yeah . ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry sighs . “ [I]141-harry wo n’t pass . [I]141-harry never do . ”[141-harry] “ [I]74-tristan predict [you]141-harry ’re getting a one hundred , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan replies with a smile . “ That assignment was on point . [I]74-tristan checked it [myself]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [Fletcher]96-fletcher goes up to get [his]96-fletcher things , and [I]0-i follow [Tristan]74-tristan out to [the car]371-the car . “ Oh [my]0-i God , [Fletcher]96-fletcher said no , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ It will be fine . [I]0-i ’ll talk to [him]96-fletcher today . [He]96-fletcher ’s angry at [me]0-i ; [he]96-fletcher ’ll be fine . ”[0-i] [He]96-fletcher smiles down at [me]0-i . “ [I]96-fletcher love [you]2373-my beautiful man . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i giggle up at [[my]0-i beautiful man]2373-my beautiful man . “ [I]0-i love [you]2373-my beautiful man too . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan ’s angry voice bellows through [the entire house]2374-the entire house . “ Thirty ! ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher yells . “ A fucking thirty ? Are [you]0-i kidding [me]96-fletcher ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher cries as [he]96-fletcher holds the paper in the air . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , language , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . [Fletcher]96-fletcher and [Patrick]93-patrick sit quietly on the couch as [they]2375-they watch , scared to speak . [Harry]141-harry has just shown [Tristan]74-tristan [his]141-harry grade for the space assignment [they]2375-they have done over the last week . “ There is no way in hell this assignment is a thirty ! ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry yells as [he]141-harry begins to pace . “ What are [these idiotic , stupid . . . incompetent assholes]4431-these idiotic , stupid . . . incompetent assholes doing at [this school]4432-this school ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher bellows . “ [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson hates [me]141-harry . ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry sighs . “ Will [you]96-fletcher calm down ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i say to [Tristan]74-tristan . “ Stop swearing . ”[0-i] “ No . [I]96-fletcher will not , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher growls . “ That ’s it — tomorrow morning , nine a.m. , [I]96-fletcher am at [that fucking school]4433-that fucking school . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher punches [his]96-fletcher fist . “ Tick . . . tock . . . [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Good grief , this is all [I]0-i need . ”[0-i] Chapter 23 The thing about loving [a powerful man]2376-a powerful man is knowing when to stand back and let [him]2376-a powerful man take the reins . Today [I]0-i ’m doing just that . “ What is [he]74-tristan doing out there ? ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick frowns . [I]0-i dip [my]0-i head to peer out the window and onto [the front porch]922-the front porch to see [Tristan]74-tristan pacing , hands on hips , muttering to [himself]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan ’s been up since five o’clock , dressed in [his]74-tristan suit , and ready for battle . [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson is going down . . . and to be honest [I]0-i feel like calling ahead and warning [her]214-mrs. henderson . [She]214-mrs. henderson needs to run . It was [his]74-tristan first official night here with [me]0-i last night , and [he]74-tristan did n’t even come to bed until well after [I]0-i was asleep , and [he]74-tristan was up before [I]0-i woke this morning . [I]0-i missed the entire thing . [He]74-tristan stayed up and went through all of [Harrison]141-harry ’s past assignments and tests . [He]74-tristan interviewed [Harrison]141-harry in great detail about the goings - on in class and when and why [he]141-harry has been sent out or suspended . [I]0-i know that [Harrison]141-harry is a handful , and [I]0-i ’ve been sympathetic to [the teachers]4263-the teachers about [his]141-harry behavior up until this point . But [Tristan]74-tristan has assured [me]0-i that there is more to this story than [I]0-i realize . [I]0-i ’m pretty sure [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson is going to regret giving [Harry]141-harry such a low grade . [He]74-tristan sticks [his]74-tristan head in the front door . “ Are [you]0-i ready ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan calls . “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan raises [his]74-tristan eyebrows impatiently . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] “ [You]74-tristan ’re not going to be passive aggressive to [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson , are [you]74-tristan ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan clenches [his]74-tristan jaw . “ Nope . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan gestures toward [the car]371-the car impatiently , and [the boys]3247-the boys walk past [him]74-tristan into [the front yard]990-the front yard . “ [I]3247-the boys ’m going to be aggressive aggressive . ”[3247-the boys] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes . “ Can [you]74-tristan not ? ”[3247-the boys] “ [Claire]93-patrick . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pinches the bridge of [his]74-tristan nose . “ [I]74-tristan will not for one fucking minute have [him]74-tristan treated in this manner , and if [you]93-patrick are asking [me]74-tristan to bite [my]74-tristan tongue . . . it ’s best [you]93-patrick do n’t come . ”[74-tristan] “ [Christ Almighty]215-christ almighty , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter under [my]0-i breath . “ Can [you]74-tristan just be calm , please ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [You]74-tristan ’re stressing [me]0-i out . ”[0-i] “ [I]74-tristan ’m stressing [you]93-patrick out ? ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan points to [his]74-tristan chest incredulously . “ Do n’t come , [Claire]93-patrick . Sit in [the car]371-the car . Because [I]74-tristan am telling [you]93-patrick right now : [I]74-tristan ’m not about to take shit from [this fucking teacher]4435-this fucking teacher . ”[74-tristan] Oh jeez . [I]0-i brush past [him]74-tristan and get into [the car]371-the car . [It]371-the car ’s big and black and has a new - car smell . [Patrick]93-patrick and [Harry]141-harry bounce in the back . [They]2383-they love it and made [Tristan]74-tristan drive [them]2383-they around [the block]2384-the block ten times last night . [I]0-i watch [Tristan]74-tristan leave [the house]924-the house and lock the door . [He]74-tristan takes a deep breath , drops [his]74-tristan shoulders , and undoes [his]74-tristan suit jacket with one hand as [he]74-tristan walks toward [the car]371-the car . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan . . . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is here , [the takeover king]1957-the takeover king . [The take - no - shit , get - what - [he]74-tristan - wants man whom [I]0-i used to hate]2388-the take - no - shit , get - what - he - wants man whom i used to hate is here batting . . . for [us]2389-us . Somehow , [he]74-tristan has taken [[my]0-i naughty little boy]2390-my naughty little boy under [his]74-tristan wing . [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i ’ve ever loved [him]74-tristan like [I]0-i do right now . [He]74-tristan gets in and slams the door . “ [Harrison]141-harry , [you]141-harry will be coming to the meeting with [us]2389-us , please . ”[74-tristan] [Harry]141-harry ’s eyes widen in horror . “ But — ”[74-tristan] “ No buts . [You]141-harry need to learn how to defend [yourself]141-harry . ”[74-tristan] Oh jeez . [I]0-i slide down in the seat in dread . [I]0-i do n’t even want to come to this meeting [myself]0-i . . . maybe [I]0-i can sit in [the car]371-the car ? Ten minutes later [we]2392-we pull up at [the school]2393-the school , and [Tristan]74-tristan parks [the car]371-the car . [We]2392-we walk into [the office]3078-the office . [The receptionist]2396-the receptionist does a double take as [she]2396-the receptionist sees [him]74-tristan . [Her]2396-the receptionist eyes flick to [me]0-i and then back to [him]74-tristan , as if questioning what [he]74-tristan ’s doing here with [us]2392-we . [She]2396-the receptionist ’s [a real bitch]2397-a real bitch , [this one]2398-this one , and [I]0-i ’ve had run - ins with [her]2396-the receptionist before . “ Can [I]2396-the receptionist help [you]74-tristan ? ”[2396-the receptionist] [she]2396-the receptionist asks flatly . “ Hello , [I]2396-the receptionist ’m [Tristan Miles]74-tristan . [I]2396-the receptionist would like a meeting with [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson , [the principal]4436-the principal , [the vice - principal]4437-the vice - principal , and [someone from [the parent - teacher association]4439-the parent - teacher association]4438-someone from the parent - teacher association , please . ”[2396-the receptionist] [Her]2396-the receptionist eyes flick to [me]0-i , and [I]0-i swallow the lump in [my]0-i throat . “ When for ? ”[2396-the receptionist] “ Now . ”[2399-he] [He]2399-he stares at [her]2396-the receptionist deadpan , and [I]0-i really wish [the earth]1772-the earth would swallow [me]0-i up . “ What is this in regard to ? ”[2396-the receptionist] [she]2396-the receptionist asks . “ [Harrison Anderson]141-harry . ”[2396-the receptionist] “ About ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan glares at [her]2396-the receptionist . “ Can [you]2396-the receptionist please just do [your]2396-the receptionist allocated job and book the appointment ? This is a private matter . ”[74-tristan] [Harrison]141-harry looks up at [Tristan]74-tristan and gives [him]74-tristan a hopeful smile , and [Tristan]74-tristan takes [his]74-tristan hand . [I]0-i wither . . . oh crap . [Aggressive aggressive]216-aggressive aggressive , here [we]2401-we go . [She]2396-the receptionist glares at [him]2399-he and then twists [her]2396-the receptionist lips in annoyance . “ That wo n’t be possible . [You]2399-he need to book a meeting at least two weeks in advance . ”[2396-the receptionist] “ All right . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan fakes a smile . “ [I]74-tristan would like [you]2396-the receptionist to get [the board of education]4440-the board of education on the phone for [me]74-tristan immediately . ”[74-tristan] [Her]2396-the receptionist eyes widen . “ What for ? ”[2396-the receptionist] “ [I]2396-the receptionist would like to make a formal complaint to [them]4440-the board of education . It is [your]2396-the receptionist duty to contact [them]4440-the board of education on [my]2396-the receptionist behalf in the instance of a crisis , is it not ? ”[2396-the receptionist] [She]2396-the receptionist stares at [him]2399-he , shocked , and [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head to hide [my]0-i smile . [He]2399-he ’s such [an arrogant ass]2402-an arrogant ass . [He]2399-he takes a seat in [the waiting area]2403-the waiting area , crosses [his]2399-he legs , and sits back , as if [he]2399-he owns [the place]838-the place . “ What are [you]2399-he doing ? ”[2396-the receptionist] [she]2396-the receptionist asks . “ [I]2399-he ’m not leaving until [I]2399-he have that meeting or speak to [the education board]4441-the education board . ”[2399-he] [He]2399-he shrugs casually . “ The choice is [yours]2399-he . ”[2399-he] [He]2399-he taps the chair beside [him]2399-he , and [Harrison]141-harry sits down . “ Just a minute , ”[2396-the receptionist] [she]2396-the receptionist says . [She]2396-the receptionist disappears into [[the principal]4436-the principal ’s office]2406-the principal ’s office . [I]0-i know where it is — [I’ve]0-i been [there]3088-there many times before . [I]0-i take a seat beside [them]2408-them , and [I]0-i ca n’t look at [him]2399-he — or [I]0-i ’ll burst out laughing . [She]2396-the receptionist reappears a moment later . “ [Mrs. Smithers]217-mrs. smithers , [the principal]4436-the principal , has had an opening . [She]2396-the receptionist can see [you]2399-he now . [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson is in class , so [she]2396-the receptionist wo n’t be attending . ”[2396-the receptionist] “ Make that call . The meeting does n’t go ahead without [her]2396-the receptionist , ”[2399-he] [he]2399-he says as [he]2399-he lifts [his]2399-he chin defiantly . [She]2396-the receptionist stares at [him]2399-he for a moment , as if doing an internal risk assessment . [He]2399-he glares at [her]2396-the receptionist with a silent “ do n’t fuck with [me]2399-he ”[2399-he] attitude . “ Just a minute . ”[2396-the receptionist] [She]2396-the receptionist scurries back into [[the principal]4436-the principal ’s office]2406-the principal ’s office . “ No talking in here , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan whispers to [Harry]141-harry . [Harry]141-harry nods . “ Okay . ”[141-harry] [She]2396-the receptionist reappears a moment later . “ This way , please . ”[2396-the receptionist] [She]2396-the receptionist shows [us]2411-us into [the office]3078-the office . [Mrs. Smithers]217-mrs. smithers and [the vice - principal]4437-the vice - principal are seated at the desk . “ Hello . ”[2399-he] [He]2399-he smiles calmly . “ [My]2399-he name is [Tristan Miles]74-tristan , and this is [Claire Anderson]81-claire , [[my]2399-he partner]4443-my partner , and [I]2399-he ’m sure [you]2414-their know [Harrison]141-harry . ”[2399-he] [He]2399-he shakes [their]2414-their hands . [Their]2414-their eyes flick to [each other]286-each other . “ Take a seat , please . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan turns toward [the rude receptionist]2416-the rude receptionist . “ [You]2416-the rude receptionist will need to stay and take minutes , please . ”[74-tristan] [Her]2416-the rude receptionist mouth falls open . “ What ? ”[2416-the rude receptionist] “ [I]2399-he want this meeting documented . Who will take notes , ”[2399-he] [he]2399-he replies as [he]2399-he looks among [them]2414-their , “ if not [you]2416-the rude receptionist ? ”[2399-he] [I]0-i bite [my]0-i lip to hide [my]0-i smile . Oh , [he]2399-he ’s something else . [Mrs. Smithers]217-mrs. smithers nods . “ Yes , okay . [Sheridan]218-sheridan , take the minutes , please . ”[217-mrs. smithers] [She]217-mrs. smithers passes [her]217-mrs. smithers a notepad and pencil . [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson rushes into [the room]370-the room all flustered . “ [I]214-mrs. henderson ’m here . ”[214-mrs. henderson] [She]214-mrs. henderson falls into a seat and glances over at [Harrison]141-harry . [Mrs. Smithers]217-mrs. smithers links [her]217-mrs. smithers fingers together on the desk . “ How can [I]217-mrs. smithers help [you]2399-he , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles ? ”[217-mrs. smithers] “ [I]2399-he would like to discuss the education of [Harrison]141-harry and , in particular , the grading system of [his]141-harry work . ”[2399-he] [He]2399-he pulls the assignment from the inside pocket of [his]2399-he jacket . “ [He]141-harry got a thirty on this . Please explain to [me]2399-he why . ”[2399-he] [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson shrugs . “ It was n’t any good . ”[214-mrs. henderson] [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes flicker with anger . “ In whose opinion ? ”[74-tristan] “ [Mine]74-tristan , and as [[his]141-harry teacher]4264-his teacher , what [I]74-tristan say goes . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan sits back , angered , and [I]0-i wince . . . jeez . Here [we]2418-we go . “ Is that so ? ”[2399-he] [He]2399-he smirks . “ [I]2399-he would like this assignment independently graded . ”[2399-he] “ No , that ’s not possible , and why would [you]2399-he want to do that ? ”[74-tristan] “ Because [Harrison Anderson]141-harry is being victimized by [you]2399-he because [you]2399-he have a personality clash with [him]141-harry . ”[2399-he] “ Oh please , ”[214-mrs. henderson] [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson huffs . “ [I]214-mrs. henderson try and teach [him]141-harry , but there is nothing in [his]141-harry head . ”[214-mrs. henderson] [The principal]4436-the principal lets out an audible gasp . [Tristan]74-tristan smiles . “ And there it is . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan turns to [the receptionist]2396-the receptionist . “ Did [you]2396-the receptionist get that ? ”[2396-the receptionist] [The receptionist]2396-the receptionist nods nervously . “ [You]74-tristan ’ve just signed [your]74-tristan termination letter , [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson . ”[2396-the receptionist] [He]74-tristan smiles sweetly . [She]214-mrs. henderson glares at [Harry]141-harry . “ [I]214-mrs. henderson ’ve personally checked this assignment , and it is not a thirty — perhaps an eighty at worst . [You]141-harry grade [him]141-harry low on every test on some personal power trip . ”[214-mrs. henderson] “ Oh , that is rubbish , ”[214-mrs. henderson] [she]214-mrs. henderson scoffs . [Tristan]74-tristan pulls out a folder from [his]74-tristan briefcase . “ [I]74-tristan have every single test of [Harrison]141-harry ’s right here , and [I]74-tristan would like [an independent grader]4445-an independent grader . ”[74-tristan] “ [He]141-harry ’s rude , and [he]141-harry needs to repeat . ”[214-mrs. henderson] “ [He]141-harry ’s gifted and tired of being discriminated against . Tell [me]214-mrs. henderson , [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson , have [you]214-mrs. henderson ever had [his]141-harry IQ tested ? ”[214-mrs. henderson] “ No . . . but — ”[74-tristan] “ Do [you]214-mrs. henderson think it ’s possible that [you]214-mrs. henderson are intimidated by [this child]4446-this child , and [you]214-mrs. henderson purposely try and get [him]141-harry sent out of class so that [he]141-harry does n’t activate [your]214-mrs. henderson own inferiority complex ? ”[214-mrs. henderson] “ Oh , that ’s ridiculous , ”[217-mrs. smithers] [Mrs. Smithers]217-mrs. smithers retorts . “ [You]214-mrs. henderson are very rude , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . ”[217-mrs. smithers] [Tristan]74-tristan turns [his]74-tristan attention to [her]217-mrs. smithers . “ On another topic , [Mrs. Smithers]217-mrs. smithers , [I]74-tristan would like a report on what [you]214-mrs. henderson are doing to help [Patrick Anderson]93-patrick . ”[74-tristan] [Her]217-mrs. smithers eyes widen . “ For what ? ”[217-mrs. smithers] “ [He]93-patrick has dyslexia , and under state law [[your]214-mrs. henderson school]4447-your school receives special funding for extra help for [him]93-patrick . Where is it ? ”[74-tristan] Oh , [he]74-tristan ’s good . “ [I]217-mrs. smithers do n’t appreciate [you]74-tristan coming in [here]3039-here and slinging [your]74-tristan accusations around , ”[217-mrs. smithers] [Mrs. Smithers]217-mrs. smithers snaps . [Tristan]74-tristan glares at [her]217-mrs. smithers . “ And [I]74-tristan do n’t appreciate incompetence . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan stands . “ [You]214-mrs. henderson will be hearing from [the education board]4441-the education board with regard to this matter . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan takes [Harry]141-harry ’s hand . “ [Harrison]141-harry wo n’t be back . Nor [Patrick]93-patrick , for that matter . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i eyes widen . . . what ? “ And where are [you]74-tristan going to send [him]141-harry ? ”[214-mrs. henderson] [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson smirks sarcastically . “ [They]1855-the people in the room ’ll be attending [Trinity School]54-trinity school . ”[214-mrs. henderson] “ Ha , ”[217-mrs. smithers] [Mrs. Smithers]217-mrs. smithers laughs . “ [He]141-harry wo n’t get in [there]3088-there . [They]1855-the people in the room wo n’t take [him]141-harry with [his]141-harry behavior record . ”[217-mrs. smithers] “ [We]4451-we ’ll see . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles at [the people in [the room]370-the room]1855-the people in the room with an eerie confidence . “ [You]214-mrs. henderson know , [intelligent people]4452-intelligent people scare [stupid people]4453-stupid people . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan turns to [the woman]522-the woman taking notes . “ Did [you]522-the woman get that ? ”[522-the woman] [She]522-the woman glares at [him]74-tristan . “ What does that supposed to mean ? ”[522-the woman] [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson snaps . “ What is that supposed to mean , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan corrects [her]522-the woman . “ Let ’s go ; [we]2425-we are wasting [our]2425-we time here . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan marches out the door , leading [Harrison]141-harry by the hand , and [we]2425-we walk out through [the playground]2426-the playground . [I]0-i had considered moving [schools]2427-schools before but thought [the boys]3247-the boys had had enough changes to deal with . “ Do [you]74-tristan want to go and say goodbye to [[your]74-tristan friends]4454-your friends ? ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan asks [him]74-tristan . “ Nah , [[my]74-tristan friends]3915-my friends do n’t even go here anymore . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan frowns down at [him]74-tristan . “ Who do [you]74-tristan hang around with now ? Where are [[your]74-tristan friends]4454-your friends from ? ”[74-tristan] “ Sports and [the skate park]4457-the skate park . ”[74-tristan] “ So . . . what about at [school]3101-school ? ”[74-tristan] “ [I]0-i sit alone every day . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan . . . and [my]0-i heart breaks . God , this is worse than [I]0-i ever imagined . [We]2429-we climb into [the car]371-the car , and [Tristan]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan seat belt on . “ Good riddance , [Mrs. Henderson]214-mrs. henderson , [you]214-mrs. henderson stupid old bag . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pulls out into the traffic . [I]0-i smirk as [I]0-i look out the window . [I]0-i ’m in love with [Superman]220-superman . [[My]0-i hero]2431-my hero . [The boys]3247-the boys all bounce in excitement on the couch , and [Harry]141-harry dials [Tristan]74-tristan ’s number . “ [You]0-i need to hurry ! ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry cries before hanging up . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i sip [my]0-i wine . The big game is on , and [the boys]3247-the boys are really into it . It ’s funny — [they]3247-the boys have never been into watching it before . [Tristan]74-tristan has gotten [them]3247-the boys totally addicted . [They]3247-the boys all sit together on one couch and scream and laugh and yell at [the ref]2434-the ref . Days of [Tristan]74-tristan living with [us]2435-we have turned into weeks and then months . Seven wonderful months , to be exact . [[Our]2435-we home]328-our home is happy for the first time in a long time . [The boys]3247-the boys adore [him]74-tristan , [I]0-i am so happy , and even [Muff]138-muff is obsessed with [[my]0-i boyfriend]3996-my boyfriend . [He]138-muff follows [him]138-muff around , purring . If [I]0-i could just get over these work issues , [my]0-i life would be perfect . [I]0-i ’m losing control of [Anderson Media]2-anderson media . [We]2435-we have no advertising contracts left , and [nobody]3093-nobody is renewing . [We]2435-we ’re on skeleton staff , and [I]0-i lie awake every night worrying about money . [Tristan]74-tristan has no idea . [I]0-i have no doubt [he]74-tristan will be furious with [me]0-i for not telling [him]74-tristan when [he]74-tristan finally finds out , but [I]0-i do n’t want to tell [him]74-tristan until [I]0-i absolutely have to . [He]74-tristan already does so much for [me]0-i and [the boys]3247-the boys . [He]74-tristan insists on paying for [their]3247-the boys private schooling . [He]74-tristan drops them there every morning and has [[his]74-tristan driver]1702-his driver pick [them]3247-the boys up every afternoon and bring [them]3247-the boys [home]341-home . Never in a million years did [I]0-i think [[my]0-i sons]442-my sons would be picked up from [the most exclusive school in [New York]5-new york]2444-the most exclusive school in new york every day by [a limo]893-a limo . And besides , [I]0-i do n’t want to appear weaker than [I]0-i already feel . If [he]74-tristan knows about [my]0-i situation , then [I]0-i have to talk about it with [him]74-tristan , and at the moment , [he]74-tristan ’s [[my]0-i safe place]2446-my safe place , where nothing is corrupted . [I]0-i want [him]74-tristan to be proud of [me]0-i , like [I]0-i am of [him]74-tristan . The door bursts open , and [Tristan]74-tristan comes racing in . “ What ’s happening ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan cries as [he]74-tristan stares at the television . “ [You]0-i missed the kickoff ! ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry yells . [Tristan]74-tristan throws [his]74-tristan jacket off and marches into [the kitchen]928-the kitchen . “ Hey , [baby]3208-baby , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says as [he]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i quickly . [I]0-i smile up at [him]74-tristan , but before [I]0-i have time to reply , [he]74-tristan grabs a beer from the fridge and runs back out into [the living room]1371-the living room to [the boys watching the game]2449-the boys watching the game . “ No ! ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan cries . [They]2449-the boys watching the game all begin to yell at something in the game . [I]0-i smile , and an unwanted resentment falls over [me]0-i . [I]0-i wish [I]0-i could be so excited about something . [I]0-i have this black cloud of fear hanging over [me]0-i . Everything that [Wade]85-wade worked so hard to build is disappearing before [my]0-i eyes . [He]85-wade wanted [the boys]3247-the boys to attend [a public school in [Long Island]10-long island]2451-a public school in long island , and [they]3247-the boys are n’t . [He]85-wade wanted [them]3247-the boys to grow up without excess money . [I]0-i ’m pretty sure having [a limo]893-a limo pick [them]3247-the boys up from [school]3101-school every day blows that out of the water . And now [Anderson Media]2-anderson media , the career that [Wade]85-wade worked so hard on creating — [his]85-wade biggest dream was to hand it down to [the boys]3247-the boys . Now [I]0-i ’m losing it . . . [I]0-i ’m losing that too . [I]0-i exhale heavily as [I]0-i go back to [my]0-i laptop . [Wade]85-wade . . . help [me]0-i . [I]0-i ’m tired . This week has been a never - ending roll of meetings with the board . [We]2455-we are in the final stages of staying afloat , and [I]0-i do n’t know what to do . [I]0-i look over to [Tristan]74-tristan as [he]74-tristan drives . “ Where are [we]2455-we going ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]74-tristan smiles over at [me]0-i like the cat that got the cream . [He]74-tristan picks up [my]0-i hand and kisses [my]0-i fingertips . “ [I]74-tristan have a surprise for [you]0-i . ”[74-tristan] [The boys]3247-the boys chatter in the back seat among [themselves]3247-the boys , and [I]0-i try to calm [my]0-i nerves . [I]0-i ’m not in the mood for surprises . [I]0-i ’m so anxious that [I]0-i ’m nearly suffocating . If something drastic does n’t happen , if [I]0-i do n’t get a big injection of funds from somewhere , the writing is on the wall — [the liquidators]3051-the liquidators will be moving in within the next six to eight weeks and taking [[my]0-i company]3058-my company from [me]0-i . [I]0-i will be forced into bankruptcy . [The company]3076-the company insolvent . [I]0-i want to talk to [Tristan]74-tristan about it , but [I]0-i do n’t want [him]74-tristan to worry or feel that [he]74-tristan has to put the money in . [I]0-i already declined the Ferrara offer ; now [my]0-i only other option is to sell to [Miles Media]78-miles media , but then [I]0-i know [I]0-i ’ll hold that grudge against [Tristan]74-tristan forever . [He]74-tristan will always be the man who took [Wade]85-wade ’s dream from [us]2460-us , and [I]0-i really do n’t want it to affect [our]2460-us relationship . Because [I]0-i know if it does come to that . . . it will . How could it not ? [I]0-i think back to how hard [Wade]85-wade worked so that [he]85-wade would have something to hand down to [[his]85-wade sons]306-his sons . And in the five and a half years since [his]85-wade death , [I]0-i have effectively killed everything [he]85-wade worked for . [I]0-i ’m sick to [my]0-i stomach . [Tristan]74-tristan chats and laughs with [the boys]3247-the boys , carefree as [he]74-tristan drives , and an unwelcome jealousy fills [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan has no idea what it ’s like to struggle . [He]74-tristan ’s never had to do it . [I]0-i know [he]74-tristan works so hard and deserves everything [he]74-tristan has , but it ’s . . . [I]0-i ca n’t even articulate what it is [I]0-i ’m feeling . . . resentment , maybe ? [I]0-i do n’t know why [I]0-i ’m feeling like this now , but with the oncoming demise of [Anderson Media]2-anderson media , it ’s suddenly eating at [me]0-i . Maybe [I]0-i ’m just hormonal , or maybe it ’s because of the way [we]2463-we met . From day one [I]0-i have always known that [[Wade]85-wade ’s company]2464-wade ’s company has been on [Miles Media]78-miles media ’s acquisitions list . [They]2465-they wanted it , made no secret of it . It ’s how [we]2463-we met . [I]0-i pushed it out of [my]0-i mind for so long . . . but now that it ’s impending , it ’s all [I]0-i can think about . Everything [Wade]85-wade wanted is coming to an end , and [I]0-i just do n’t know how to stop it . [We]2463-we pull up on [the street]264-the street in front of [a grand house]2467-a grand house , and [Tristan]74-tristan smiles over at [me]0-i . “ What ’s this ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask flatly . [A man]280-a man gets out of [the car]371-the car in front of [us]2463-we and smiles broadly . [Tristan]74-tristan waves . “ Come on , [boys]4158-boys , [Claire]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] “ What are [we]2463-we doing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown . “ Looking at [this house]1046-this house . ”[0-i] “ What for ? ”[74-tristan] “ Because [I]280-a man want to buy [it]1046-this house for [us]2463-we . ”[280-a man] [He]280-a man climbs out of [the car]371-the car , and [the boys]3247-the boys bounce out after [him]280-a man . “ What ? ”[3247-the boys] [I]0-i frown . [He]280-a man waves [me]0-i out . . . fucking hell , [I]0-i do n’t have time for this shit . [I]0-i get out of [the car]371-the car and walk up to [him]280-a man as [he]280-a man talks to [the man]680-the man . “ [Michael]149-michael , this is [Claire]81-claire , [[my]280-a man partner]4443-my partner , ”[280-a man] [he]280-a man introduces [me]0-i . “ Hello . ”[280-a man] [I]0-i fake a smile as [I]0-i shake [his]280-a man hand . “ And these are [[my]0-i boys]1672-my boys , [Fletcher]96-fletcher , [Harrison]141-harry , and [Patrick]93-patrick . ”[0-i] The hairs on the back of [my]0-i neck rise . [[His]280-a man boys]2474-his boys . [They]2474-his boys are [[Wade]85-wade ’s boys]2475-wade ’s boys . “ What [a beautiful family [you]0-i have]4464-a beautiful family you have . ”[149-michael] [Michael]149-michael smiles as [he]149-michael leads [us]2476-us up [the path]1355-the path toward [the house]924-the house . “ Yes , [I]149-michael do . ”[149-michael] [Tristan]74-tristan smiles proudly . [He]74-tristan ’s holding [Patrick]93-patrick ’s hand and has [his]74-tristan other hand on [Harry]141-harry ’s shoulder protectively . [Fletcher]96-fletcher walks with [them]2474-his boys as [they]2474-his boys go into [the house]924-the house . [I]0-i begin to see red . Why is [he]74-tristan showing [me]0-i [houses]2480-houses ? [I]0-i ’m not fucking moving from [Long Island]10-long island . [I]0-i own [[my]0-i house]3381-my house . [I]0-i ’m comfortable [there]3088-there . . . [we]2483-our ’re comfortable [there]3088-there . [It]3088-there ’s [[our]2483-our home]328-our home . It ’s what [Wade]85-wade wanted . [I]0-i begin to hear [my]0-i angry heartbeat in [my]0-i ears as [I]0-i trail behind . Calm down . . . calm down . . . calm down . [You]2486-you ’re just stressed ; calm the fuck down . [The house]924-the house is huge and set on [a large plot of land in [a leafy suburb about twenty minutes out of [New York]5-new york]2489-a leafy suburb about twenty minutes out of new york]2488-a large plot of land in a leafy suburb about twenty minutes out of new york . [Michael]149-michael begins [his]149-michael sales pitch . “ This is [the foyer]276-the foyer . ”[149-michael] [It]924-the house ’s about the size of [[our]2483-our current living room]2490-our current living room and has a grand sweeping staircase that splits into two near the top level . [Tristan]74-tristan smiles and takes [my]0-i hand excitedly . “ [I]74-tristan ’ll show [them]4466-them around , [Michael]149-michael , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says . [My]0-i eyes flick to [him]74-tristan in question . What ? [He]74-tristan ’s been [here]3039-here before ? How long has [he]74-tristan been looking for [a house on the sly]2492-a house on the sly ? [I]0-i begin to fume inside . “ Of course . ”[149-michael] [Michael]149-michael smiles . “ [I]149-michael ’ll wait outside . ”[149-michael] [Michael]149-michael disappears out the front door , and [Tristan]74-tristan smiles proudly . “ Pretty sweet , right ? ”[74-tristan] “ Hmm , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply as [I]0-i look around . “ Out here is [the kitchen]928-the kitchen . ”[0-i] [We]2493-we walk through to [a large kitchen]2494-a large kitchen , and [I]0-i roll [my]0-i lips in annoyance . “ [Wiz]189-wiz and [I]74-tristan could cook up a storm , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says . [Harry]141-harry ’s eyes widen in excitement . [I]0-i hate it . [Wade]85-wade has never lived [here]3039-here ; [his]85-wade memories are in [[our]2493-we current house]2496-our current house . [I]0-i do n’t want new ones without [him]85-wade . [I]0-i do n’t want to erase everything that [he]85-wade stood for . Why does n’t [Tristan]74-tristan get that ? [My]0-i pulse begins to throb in [my]0-i temples , and [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i ’m about to explode . [I]0-i am now seeing red . [I]0-i ca n’t deal with this . “ This is [the living area]927-the living area , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan gushes . [The boys]3247-the boys run to the back windows . “ Oh [my]93-patrick God , look at the pool , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick cries . “ [It]924-the house has [a pool bar]4469-a pool bar , [Mom]123-mom , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher gasps . “ [You]0-i ’re not old enough to drink , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ And look , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan says as [he]74-tristan leads [me]0-i through [the house]924-the house excitedly . “ This could be [[your]0-i office]3433-your office . ”[74-tristan] [We]2499-we peer into [a room]818-a room . [It]818-a room has a large window seat and looks out onto [a leafy veranda]2501-a leafy veranda . “ And this could be [[my]74-tristan office]298-my office , next door . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan shows [me]0-i into [the office]3078-the office . “ There ’s [a bathroom]1728-a bathroom down here . [A second living area for [the boys]3247-the boys]4473-a second living area for the boys . [A gymnasium]1726-a gymnasium . ”[74-tristan] [The boys]3247-the boys run through [the house]924-the house in excitement . [Fury]221-fury begins to burn a hole in [my]0-i stomach . How dare [he]74-tristan ? [He]74-tristan leads [me]0-i [upstairs]3043-upstairs and down [the hall]1414-the hall . “ Look at [the master suite]1734-the master suite , [Claire]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan pulls [me]0-i into [the room]370-the room , and [I]0-i look around as [I]0-i try to hold [my]0-i sarcastic tongue . [It]370-the room ’s beautiful and the size of half [[my]0-i current house]2508-my current house . “ And [the bathroom]584-the bathroom . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles excitedly . [I]0-i peer in , and [it]370-the room has a huge white - marble bath like [I]0-i ’ve always fantasized about . “ Look at the size of [[your]0-i closet]4478-your closet , [babe]3682-babe . ”[0-i] Something snaps deep inside of [me]0-i . “ It ’s not [[my]0-i closet]4480-my closet , [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i bark . [He]74-tristan pulls [me]0-i into [his]74-tristan arms . “ But [you]0-i like it . . . right ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i look around as [I]0-i search for something nonbitchy to say . [I]0-i ’ve got nothing . [The boys]3247-the boys all scream in excitement as [they]3247-the boys look at the rest of [the upstairs]2510-the upstairs . “ [I]141-harry ’m having [this room]1415-this room , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry cries . “ [I]93-patrick want this one ! ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick yells . “ [I]93-patrick can see the pool from [mine]93-patrick . ”[93-patrick] [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes search [mine]0-i . “ What do [you]74-tristan think ? ”[74-tristan] “ About what ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ Do [you]74-tristan like it ? [I]0-i think [I]0-i ’ll make an offer today . ”[0-i] “ An offer for what ? ”[74-tristan] “ To buy [it]1415-this room for [us]4482-us to live in — what else ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face at [his]74-tristan presumption . “ [I]0-i do n’t want to live [here]3039-here . ”[0-i] “ Why not ? ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan face falls . “ [It]3039-here ’s close to [[the boys]3247-the boys ’ new school]4485-the boys ’ new school . [You]0-i , [Fletch]145-fletch , and [I]74-tristan all work in [New York]5-new york . [There]3088-there ’s [a yard]4487-a yard for [Muff]138-muff and Woofy . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan smiles as [he]74-tristan pulls [me]0-i into [his]74-tristan arms again . “ [It]3039-here ’s perfect for [us]4488-us . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]0-i ’m not moving , [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i insist . “ [I]0-i want to live in [the house [we]4488-us are in]4489-the house we are in . ”[0-i] “ [Claire]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says flatly , and [I]0-i know [he]74-tristan ’s about to give [me]0-i [his]74-tristan hard - core sales pitch . [I]0-i can already tell [he]74-tristan ’s made up [his]74-tristan mind on [this house]1046-this house , and when [Tristan Miles]74-tristan decides [he]74-tristan wants something , [he]74-tristan does n’t give up until [he]74-tristan gets it . [I]0-i ’m shutting this down right now . “ [I]0-i ’m not moving , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ End of story . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pull away from [him]74-tristan and storm [downstairs]3119-downstairs and out to [the car]371-the car . “ How was it ? ”[0-i] [Michael]149-michael smiles as [I]0-i walk out onto [the street]264-the street . “ Lovely , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ Can [you]0-i see [yourself]0-i living [here]3039-here ? ”[149-michael] [He]149-michael winks . [I]0-i glare at [him]74-tristan as the last of [my]0-i patience dissipates . “ No . [I]0-i ca n’t , actually . ”[0-i] [I]0-i get into [the car]371-the car and slam the door , and ten minutes later [Tristan]74-tristan and [the boys]3247-the boys amble out of [the house]924-the house . [I]0-i watch as [he]74-tristan talks to [Michael]149-michael as [the boys]3247-the boys all listen , and then finally [they]3247-the boys get into [the car]371-the car . [The boys]3247-the boys are all excited and talking about everything [they]3247-the boys have just seen . [Tristan]74-tristan gives [me]0-i a sideways glance , annoyed with [me]0-i . “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ Do n’t give [me]74-tristan what , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan growls as [he]74-tristan pulls out into [the street]264-the street . “ [You]0-i did n’t even look at it . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]74-tristan do n’t have to . [I]74-tristan ’m not moving from [[my]74-tristan home in [Long Island]10-long island]4491-my home in long island . ”[74-tristan] “ [It]4491-my home in long island ’s too small for [us]4492-us . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan rolls [his]74-tristan eyes , as if [I]0-i ’m [an idiot]267-an idiot , and [my]0-i blood begins to boil . “ [I]74-tristan want [[my]74-tristan boys]1672-my boys to have room to have [[their]1672-my boys friends]4494-their friends over , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan asserts angrily . Something snaps inside of [me]0-i . [Wade]85-wade had plans for [[his]85-wade sons]306-his sons , and [I]0-i ca n’t ignore [them]306-his sons . [I]0-i wo n’t . “ [They]306-his sons are [[Wade]85-wade ’s boys]2475-wade ’s boys , ”[0-i] [I]0-i bark . “ [You]74-tristan need to stop calling [them]306-his sons [[your]74-tristan boys]4062-your boys . ”[0-i] [The car]371-the car falls deathly silent . [He]74-tristan narrows [his]74-tristan eyes at [me]0-i . “ What the fuck is that supposed to mean ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i glare out the front windshield and cross [my]0-i arms , too angry to form words . “ [You]74-tristan do know , [Claire]81-claire . . . that when [we]4497-we get married — ”[0-i] “ If [we]4497-we get married , ”[0-i] [I]0-i fume . “ [I]0-i will be adopting [the boys]3247-the boys . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i explode . [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan for a moment in utter shock . . . what the fuck ? [He]74-tristan wants to adopt [them]2525-them . “ That ’s not happening , [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ What ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan screams . “ [They]2525-them already have [a father]3177-a father , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [I]0-i want [them]2525-them as [[my]0-i sons]442-my sons in the eyes of the law . ”[0-i] “ Well , [you]74-tristan ca n’t fucking have [them]2525-them legally . [You]74-tristan get to live with [them]2525-them — that ’s enough . ”[74-tristan] “ [Mom]123-mom ! ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher cries from the back . “ Stop it . ”[96-fletcher] [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes bulge from their sockets . [His]74-tristan eyes flick between [the road]1474-the road and [me]0-i . “ So [you]0-i ’re telling [me]74-tristan [I]74-tristan can care for [them]2525-them , [I]74-tristan can love [them]2525-them , but [I]74-tristan ca n’t ever call [them]2525-them [[my]74-tristan sons]442-my sons . ”[74-tristan] “ [They]2525-them have [a father]3177-a father , ”[0-i] [I]0-i repeat . “ And [they]2525-them will remember and respect [his]3177-a father wishes . ”[0-i] “ [He]3177-a father ’s fucking dead , [Claire]81-claire , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan barks . “ And [I]74-tristan wo n’t be punished because [he]3177-a father ’s gone . [I]74-tristan want [them]2525-them legally to be [[my]74-tristan sons]442-my sons . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i lose the last of [my]0-i control . “ It ’s never fucking happening , ”[0-i] [I]0-i splutter . “ [They]2525-them are [my]2527-he and [[Wade]85-wade ’s sons]4504-wade ’s sons . Not [yours]81-claire . [They]2525-them will never be [yours]81-claire . [I]2527-he told [you]81-claire to find [someone else]1358-someone else and have [[your]81-claire own children]4394-your own children — [you]81-claire ca n’t have [Wade]85-wade ’s . ”[2527-he] [He]2527-he punches the steering wheel as [he]2527-he loses control , and [we]2528-we all jump . [Patrick]93-patrick starts to cry . “ [You]0-i ’re scaring [him]2527-he . ”[93-patrick] [Tristan]74-tristan grips the steering wheel with white - knuckle force . [His]74-tristan eyes fill with tears as [he]74-tristan stares straight ahead . Why did [I]0-i say that ? Tears well in [my]0-i eyes , and [I]0-i angrily wipe them away . [We]2528-we drive in silence the rest of the way , and [he]2527-he pulls into [the driveway]910-the driveway . [He]2527-he leaves [the car]371-the car going . “ Are [you]74-tristan coming , [Tris]74-tristan ? ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry whispers . “ No , [buddy]3394-buddy , ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan replies as [he]74-tristan stares straight ahead . “ [I]74-tristan ’ll call [you]3394-buddy later . ”[74-tristan] “ No , [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick begs . “ Please come in . ”[93-patrick] [He]74-tristan begins to cry . “ Do n’t go . ”[93-patrick] [He]93-patrick grabs [him]74-tristan over the back of [his]93-patrick seat as [he]93-patrick begs [him]74-tristan not to leave . [Tristan]74-tristan closes [his]74-tristan eyes . [I]0-i get out of [the car]371-the car , angry that [[my]0-i children]602-my children would choose [him]74-tristan over [me]0-i . Surely [they]602-my children get [my]0-i point ? Do n’t [they]602-my children have any loyalty to [[their]602-my children father]2533-their father ? “ Get out of [the car]371-the car , ”[0-i] [I]0-i demand to [the boys]3247-the boys . [Fletcher]96-fletcher gets out . “ Get out of [the car]371-the car , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . [Patrick]93-patrick slowly gets out . [Harry]141-harry sits tight . “ Get out of [the car]371-the car , [Harrison]141-harry . ”[93-patrick] “ [I]0-i ’m going with [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i ’m furious . How dare [he]74-tristan say that in front of [the boys]3247-the boys and put [me]0-i in the position where [they]3247-the boys think [I]0-i ’m [the bad guy]2536-the bad guy ? [I]0-i ’m being loyal to [[their]3247-the boys father]2533-their father . . . and so should [they]3247-the boys . “ [You]74-tristan will do no such thing . ”[0-i] [I]0-i yank the door open and grab [his]74-tristan arm as [he]74-tristan fights [me]0-i . “ Let [me]74-tristan go ! ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan screams as [he]74-tristan kicks at [me]0-i . “ [I]74-tristan want to stay with [him]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan pinches the bridge of [his]74-tristan nose , overwhelmed by the situation . [I]0-i struggle to get [him]74-tristan out as [the two other boys]2538-the two other boys watch in horror , and [I]0-i slam the car door hard . The tires screech as [Tristan]74-tristan takes off like [a maniac]1558-a maniac . [I]0-i turn to [the boys]3247-the boys . Tears run down [their]3247-the boys faces as [they]3247-the boys glare at [me]0-i . “ [I]141-harry hate [you]0-i , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry cries . “ Make [him]74-tristan come back . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan runs inside and slams the door . “ [You]0-i ruined everything , [Mom]123-mom ! ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick yells . [They]3247-the boys turn and run inside after [Harry]141-harry . [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes . . . fuck , how the hell did that escalate to this ? Chapter 24 Love is stupid . [Love]222-love is blind . [Love]222-love is [a fucking bitch]2541-a fucking bitch ! [I]0-i have the shower on full bore to block out the sound of [my]0-i heart breaking . . . [I]0-i do n’t want [the boys]3247-the boys to see [me]0-i cry . [I]0-i stand under the hot water as the tears run down [my]0-i face . The lump in [my]0-i throat is big , the hole in [my]0-i heart a giant crevasse . Where the hell did that argument come from ? [I]0-i had no idea any of that was on [Tristan]74-tristan ’s agenda . It shocked [me]0-i — scared the hell out of [me]0-i , if [I]0-i ’m honest . [I]0-i get a vision of the hurt in [Tristan]74-tristan ’s eyes , and [my]0-i heart drops . What have [I]0-i done ? [I]0-i pushed away [the only person who has [my]0-i back]2543-the only person who has my back . [Tristan]74-tristan . [[My]0-i beautiful [Tristan]74-tristan]2544-my beautiful tristan , [the man who loves [me]0-i]2545-the man who loves me . [The one who has cared for [all of [us]2547-all of us]2547-all of us]2546-the one who has cared for all of us . . . [the man who would literally walk across fire to please [me]0-i . . . wants to take on [[my]0-i children]602-my children]2548-the man who would literally walk across fire to please me . . . wants to take on my children , and [I]0-i just . . . ca n’t . [I]0-i ca n’t be that irresponsible and blinded by love . Why would [he]74-tristan want to adopt [them]602-my children ? What benefit would it have for [him]74-tristan ? If [he]74-tristan ’s with [me]0-i , [he]74-tristan has [them]602-my children . Letting [him]74-tristan adopt [them]602-my children only gives [him]74-tristan the power to take [them]602-my children if [he]74-tristan does n’t need [me]0-i anymore . [No woman in [her]2550-no woman in her right mind right mind]2550-no woman in her right mind would allow [a future partner]2551-a future partner to adopt [[her]2550-no woman in her right mind children]1059-her children by law . Not when [they]602-my children are already happy and stable . There is no reason for [him]74-tristan to want it . . . other than if [we]2553-we break up . [He]74-tristan wants legal assurance that no matter what happens between [us]2553-we , [he]74-tristan will always have [them]602-my children . No . [I]0-i ’m sorry . [I]0-i ca n’t give [him]74-tristan that . Because [I]0-i know that if [we]2553-we ever broke up , it would be because [he]74-tristan cheated or did something to have caused it . [I]0-i would never do anything to end [us]2553-we — [I]0-i love [him]74-tristan too much . And in that event , there is no way in hell [I]0-i would be packing up [[my]0-i sons]442-my sons to go to [[his]74-tristan house]2555-his house every weekend to play happy family with [[his]74-tristan new girlfriend]2556-his new girlfriend . [No woman]2557-no woman would ever agree to this . No matter how in love [she]2557-no woman was . No matter who [the man]680-the man was . . . no matter what [[her]2557-no woman sons]4392-her sons wanted . [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face in tears when [I]0-i picture [their]4392-her sons broken little faces as [he]74-tristan drove off . [You]2560-you did the right thing , whispers [my]0-i conscience . “ Did [I]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ Because it sure does n’t feel like it . ”[0-i] [My]0-i shoulders rack with sobs ; [I]0-i have this sick , heavy , fucked - up lead ball in [my]0-i stomach . [I]0-i want to throw up or run away , and [I]0-i want to go to [him]74-tristan . . . but [I]0-i ca n’t do any of those things . [I]0-i stand for a long time under the hot water . With every minute that passes , along comes a little more guilt . The vile taste runs through [my]0-i bloodstream like poison . [I]0-i ’m sickened by what [I]0-i said to [him]74-tristan this afternoon , mortified that [I]0-i could be so cold and hurtful . [He]74-tristan ’s only ever loved [us]2561-us . “ [I]74-tristan feel like [I]74-tristan betrayed [[my]74-tristan best friend]272-my best friend . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i see the tears in [his]74-tristan eyes when [I]0-i said those horrible things , and [I]0-i cry harder . “ Oh God , [I]0-i ’m done with this stress . Why is nothing damn easy with [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i sob . “ Why does everything have to be so fucking hard ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i want to live in [this house]1046-this house with [[my]0-i boys]1672-my boys . . . and [Tristan]74-tristan . That ’s it . Nothing fancy , nothing different . Why does [he]74-tristan want things to change ? It does n’t have to be like this . [The boys]3247-the boys are n’t talking to [me]0-i . [They]3247-the boys ’re all in [[their]3247-the boys bedrooms]2565-their bedrooms , [the house]924-the house is quiet and sad , and [I]0-i know [Tristan]74-tristan is alone and heartbroken in [[his]74-tristan apartment]3980-his apartment . [I]0-i slide down the wall and sit on the hard , cold tiles . [I]0-i roll into a ball to try to protect [myself]0-i from the pain . But there is no antidote for this situation . . . [I]0-i ’m going to lose [him]74-tristan . Maybe [I]0-i did already . Sadness is heavy . [Sadness]223-sadness is still . [I]0-i lie in the darkness and watch the time tick by : 11:53 p.m. [My]0-i mind goes to [[my]0-i beautiful man]2373-my beautiful man . What ’s [he]74-tristan doing ? [I]0-i ca n’t do this . [I]0-i ca n’t lie here and do nothing . [I]0-i have to try to fix this . [I]0-i ca n’t go to sleep without speaking to [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i lean over and grab [my]0-i phone from the side table and dial [his]74-tristan number . [My]0-i heart beats nervously as [I]0-i wait for [him]74-tristan to pick up . It stops ringing . . . [he]74-tristan declined the call . [My]0-i stomach sinks . [He]74-tristan ’s never rejected a call from [me]0-i . . . ever . [I]0-i think for a moment , and [I]0-i text . [I]0-i ’m sorry about today , [I]0-i do n’t know what happened . It spiraled out of control . [I]0-i ’ll call [you]2569-you tomorrow . Goodnight , [I]0-i love [you]2569-you . xoxo [I]0-i watch and see the read symbol come up . [I]0-i smile . . . [he]74-tristan saw it . [I]0-i wait as [I]0-i hold [my]0-i breath . “ Reply , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [I]0-i hold [my]0-i breath as [I]0-i wait . Nothing . [I]0-i watch and watch . . . and wait . [My]0-i eyes fill with tears . “ Reply , [baby]3208-baby . ”[0-i] But [he]74-tristan does n’t , and [I]0-i know [he]74-tristan ’s not going to . [My]0-i heart drops to a new low , and the tears come hard and fast . [I]0-i ’ve ruined everything . [I]0-i sit and stare at the figures on [my]0-i computer , trying to miraculously find an extra $ 200,000 . [I]0-i ’ve sold [[our]2570-our holiday home]2571-our holiday home , [I]0-i ’ve sold all of [our]2570-our shares . Everything that [Wade]85-wade and [I]0-i accumulated in [our]2570-our time together is gone . And now to keep [the man [I]0-i love]2572-the man i love , [I]0-i ’m expected to hand [[his]2572-the man i love children]323-his children over as well . That ’s an unfair request . Surely [Tristan]74-tristan must know that . How can [he]74-tristan not see [my]0-i point ? [I]0-i feel like there ’s this big black cloud hanging over [me]0-i and that [I]0-i ’ll never truly be happy . [I]0-i must have been bad in [my]0-i last life , because [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i ’m being punished for something . [I]0-i ’ve loved [two men]4020-two men in [my]0-i life . [One]1170-one [I]0-i lost to death . [The other]2130-the other . . . [I]0-i rest [my]0-i hand under [my]0-i chin and stare into space , wondering if [I]0-i could have handled yesterday better . There ’s no question [I]0-i could have . But . . . [I]0-i stand by what [I]0-i said . [I]0-i do n’t want [anyone]393-anyone to adopt [[my]0-i boys]1672-my boys . [I]0-i wo n’t give over that power to [someone else]1358-someone else . Even if that [someone]3143-someone is [the love of [my]0-i life]2581-the love of my life . It ’s not just [Tristan]74-tristan — this is n’t personal . This is sensible . [They]1672-my boys are [[Wade]85-wade ’s sons]4504-wade ’s sons . [They]1672-my boys will always be [[Wade]85-wade ’s sons]4504-wade ’s sons . [My]0-i every instinct is telling [me]0-i this is something that [I]0-i should never do . Always trust [your]2584-your gut . A message comes through on [my]0-i phone . It ’s from [Tristan]74-tristan . Can [we]2585-we talk ? Relief fills [me]0-i . [I]0-i write back . Please . [He]74-tristan replies . [[Our]2585-we hotel]2586-our hotel , 1 pm . [I]0-i smile , hopeful . See [you]74-tristan then . [I]0-i love [you]74-tristan . xoxox At one o’clock [I]0-i hold [my]0-i breath as [I]0-i walk into [the foyer of [[our]2585-we hotel]2586-our hotel]2587-the foyer of our hotel . [We]2585-we ’ve been [here]3039-here many times before . Always in excitement . Today it ’s in dread . [Tristan]74-tristan stands over near [the elevator]571-the elevator , and [my]0-i stomach flutters when [I]0-i see [him]74-tristan wearing [his]74-tristan power suit and standing the way [he]74-tristan does , straight and proud . [I]0-i know that if [he]74-tristan really wants something , it ’s nonnegotiable . “ Hi . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ Hello . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan dips [his]74-tristan head , and in that moment fear runs through [me]0-i . [He]74-tristan ’s not going to let this go . [I]0-i ’m going to lose [him]74-tristan . [We]2585-we get into [the elevator]571-the elevator and ride up to [[our]2585-we floor]2592-our floor in silence . Oh my God . . . no . Do n’t let this happen . [I]0-i stand behind [him]74-tristan silently as [he]74-tristan opens the door , and [I]0-i walk in and take a seat on the bed . [He]74-tristan closes the door and walks straight to the bar and pours [himself]74-tristan a scotch . “ Do [you]0-i want a drink ? ”[74-tristan] “ No , thanks . ”[74-tristan] In slow motion [he]74-tristan sips [his]74-tristan scotch . [His]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ [Tristan]74-tristan . . . what [I]74-tristan said yesterday — ”[74-tristan] “ Yes , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan cuts [me]0-i off . “ Let ’s talk about that . ”[74-tristan] [Nerves]181-nerves begin to thump in [my]0-i chest . “ [You]74-tristan need to understand where [I]181-nerves am coming from . [I]181-nerves love [you]74-tristan . [I]181-nerves want to spend the rest of [my]181-nerves life with [you]74-tristan . ”[181-nerves] [I]0-i pause . “ But ? ”[0-i] “ But [I]74-tristan made promises to [[my]74-tristan first husband]4513-my first husband . [These children]4514-these children are [his]4513-my first husband , and [I]74-tristan need to honor [his]4513-my first husband wishes . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan clenches [his]74-tristan jaw ; [his]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ [We]4515-we decided to live in [that house]3470-that house for a reason . ”[74-tristan] “ Such as ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile , grateful that [he]74-tristan ’s at least listening to [me]0-i . “ [Wade]85-wade wanted [that house]3470-that house . [We]4515-we could have afforded better , but [he]85-wade wanted [that house]3470-that house . [He]85-wade wanted [the boys]3247-the boys to grow up in [Long Island]10-long island . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan stares at [me]0-i , and [I]0-i have no idea what [he]74-tristan ’s thinking . “ [He]85-wade wanted [the boys]3247-the boys to go to [a public school]4521-a public school , and yet [I]74-tristan let [you]0-i take [them]3247-the boys out . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan screws up [his]74-tristan face in anger . “ [You]0-i would keep [them]3247-the boys in [a school that is no good for [them]3247-the boys]4522-a school that is no good for them , just to prove a fucking point ? ”[74-tristan] “ No , ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer as [I]0-i begin to panic . “ [You]74-tristan were right on that one . [I]0-i know [you]74-tristan were — it was for the best . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wring [my]0-i hands in front of [me]0-i . “ [I]0-i ’m stressed out . [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i ’m losing control , and [I]0-i just want things to stay the same between [us]4523-us . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan puts [his]74-tristan hands in [his]74-tristan suit pockets and smiles as [he]74-tristan drops [his]74-tristan head in amusement . Oh no . . . [I]0-i know that look . “ So . . . what [you]74-tristan are saying , [Claire]81-claire , is that [you]74-tristan want [me]0-i to step in and be [Wade]85-wade . ”[0-i] [My]0-i face falls . “ What ? No . ”[0-i] “ Yes , [you]74-tristan do . ”[74-tristan] “ [I]0-i do n’t . [I]0-i swear . ”[0-i] “ [You]74-tristan want [me]0-i to live in [[Wade]85-wade ’s house]1607-wade ’s house , with [[Wade]85-wade ’s wife]4525-wade ’s wife . . . with [[Wade]85-wade ’s children]4526-wade ’s children . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare at [him]74-tristan . “ What about fucking [me]74-tristan , [Claire]81-claire ? ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan cries . “ Where the fuck is [my]74-tristan life ? ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i eyes fill with tears at [his]74-tristan anger . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [I]0-i want [[my]0-i own wife]4527-my own wife , [Claire]81-claire , with [[my]0-i own children]3962-my own children and to live in [a fucking house that [we]4530-we choose together]4529-a fucking house that we choose together . ”[0-i] Tears overfill [my]0-i eyes , and [I]0-i swipe them away angrily . “ [You]74-tristan told [me]0-i when [we]4530-we met that there were three hearts connected to [yours]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan begins to pace . “ Did [you]74-tristan not ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i stay silent . “ Answer [me]74-tristan . . . fuck it ! ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan screams . [I]0-i jump . “ Yes . ”[0-i] “ So now that [I]74-tristan ’m in love with those hearts , and [I]74-tristan want them as [[my]74-tristan sons”—he]4531-my sons”—he[74-tristan] glares at [me—“you]74-tristan tell [me]0-i that [I]0-i ca n’t have them ? ”[0-i] [His]74-tristan silhouette blurs . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Please try and see this from [my]0-i point of view . ”[0-i] “ [You]0-i ’re selfish , [Claire]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan eyes fill with tears . [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head as fear overwhelms [me]0-i . [I]0-i ’m going to lose [him]74-tristan too . “ [I]0-i deserve to have [[my]0-i own family]4532-my own family . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i know [you]74-tristan do , ”[0-i] [I]0-i murmur . “ [I]0-i want [the boys]3247-the boys as [mine]0-i . ”[0-i] “ [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head . “ [I]0-i ca n’t . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan clenches [his]74-tristan jaw . “ [You]0-i know . . . [[my]74-tristan mother]762-my mother told [me]74-tristan way back then . . . that [they]3247-the boys would always be [[another man]531-another man ’s sons]4536-another man ’s sons , that [you]0-i would always be [[another man]531-another man ’s wife]4538-another man ’s wife . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ That [you]0-i would never truly be [[my]74-tristan family]4052-my family — [I]74-tristan would always be [the stand - in]4540-the stand - in . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face in tears . [He]74-tristan ’s so hurt . [He]74-tristan shakes [his]74-tristan head . “ [I]74-tristan ca n’t live with that , [Claire]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] “ What are [you]74-tristan saying ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [His]74-tristan eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ [I]74-tristan ’m saying goodbye . . . [I]74-tristan ’m [nobody]3093-nobody ’s backup plan . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i try to contain [my]0-i sobs . “ No , [Tris]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i beg . [His]74-tristan haunted eyes hold [mine]0-i . . . a silent beg for [me]0-i to stop [him]74-tristan . [We]2593-we stare at [each other]286-each other , and this is it . The defining moment where [I]0-i choose between [my]0-i past and [my]0-i present . Regret hangs in the air between [us]2593-we , and [I]0-i want to do as [he]74-tristan asks . [I]0-i want to concede to [his]74-tristan demands . Anything to keep [him]74-tristan here with [me]0-i . But [I]0-i just ca n’t . . . and it ’s killing [me]0-i . Eventually , [he]74-tristan turns and leaves . The door clicks quietly as it closes behind [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i sob out loud into the silence . [He]74-tristan ’s gone . The days are long . . . but the nights are endless . Sleeping without [him]74-tristan is a hell that [I]0-i ca n’t endure . So [I]0-i do n’t . [I]0-i pace . . . all night . Back and forth , back and forth . . . until [my]0-i legs ache . It ’s been nine days since [Tristan]74-tristan left [me]0-i . Nine days in sheer hell . [The house]924-the house is silent , the laughter gone . [The boys]3247-the boys are barely speaking to [me]0-i . Not only have [I]0-i broken [my]0-i heart ; [I]0-i ’ve broken the four others that [I]0-i love the most . [[My]0-i sons]442-my sons ’ and [Tristan]74-tristan ’s . [I]0-i stare at [my]0-i computer . [I]0-i have no urge to be at work . . . to be at [home]341-home . . . to breathe . [My]0-i phone buzzes across [my]0-i desk , and the name [Fletcher]96-fletcher lights up the screen . “ Hey , [buddy]3394-buddy . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i smile . Hopefully [he]74-tristan ’s talking to [me]0-i again . “ [Tristan]74-tristan is leaving , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] “ [He]74-tristan ’s going to [Paris]6-paris . ”[0-i] “ For how long ? ”[0-i] “ [He]74-tristan just transferred [my]0-i internship to [Jameson]113-jameson . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stand as [my]0-i eyes widen . “ What ? ”[0-i] “ [He]74-tristan said [he]74-tristan ’s not coming back , [Mom]3387-mom . [You]0-i really did it , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers angrily . [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face in tears , so close to the edge of [the cliff]2599-the cliff [I]0-i can almost feel [myself]0-i hitting the bottom . “ [I]0-i ’m coming , ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . “ Keep [him]74-tristan there ; [I]0-i ’m coming . ”[0-i] [I]0-i grab [my]0-i bag and run . [Marley]77-marley stands up as [I]0-i run past [her]77-marley . “ What in [the world]259-the world ? ”[77-marley] “ [I]0-i ’m out for the day , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . “ Huh ? ”[77-marley] [she]77-marley calls after [me]0-i . “ But [you]0-i have a meeting in an hour . ”[77-marley] “ Cancel it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call as [I]0-i run into [the elevator]571-the elevator . [I]0-i hit the button with force . “ Come on , come on . ”[0-i] [I]0-i ca n’t let [him]2601-him go . [He]2601-him ca n’t go . The doors slowly close , and [I]0-i tap [my]0-i foot nervously . “ Hurry . ”[0-i] [I]0-i drag [my]0-i hands through [my]0-i hair as [I]0-i begin to perspire . . . no . . . no . . . no , this ca n’t be happening . [The elevator]571-the elevator slowly goes down , and the doors open . [A heap of [people]406-people]2603-a heap of people are standing there waiting . “ Sorry . ”[0-i] [I]0-i slam the button to close the doors . “ No time for [you]2603-a heap of people . ”[0-i] The door closes as [their]2603-a heap of people faces fall . [I]0-i get to the ground floor and sprint through [the foyer]276-the foyer and run out into [the street]264-the street with [my]0-i arm in the air . “ Taxi ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i call as [a cab]2607-a cab drives past . [Another man]531-another man is waiting on the curb for [a cab]2607-a cab too . “ Oh [my]0-i God , ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry to [him]531-another man . “ This is an emergency ; [[my]531-another man boyfriend]3996-my boyfriend is leaving [me]531-another man . ”[531-another man] [He]531-another man winces . “ Because [I]0-i ’m selfish , ”[0-i] [I]0-i pant as [I]0-i run up [the street]264-the street , arm stretched high . “ Now [he]3996-my boyfriend ’s flying to [Paris]6-paris without saying goodbye . ”[531-another man] [He]531-another man rolls [his]531-another man eyes . “ [You]0-i are not getting [my]531-another man cab . ”[531-another man] “ [I]0-i do n’t want [[your]531-another man damn cab]4546-your damn cab , ”[0-i] [I]0-i bark . [A cab]2607-a cab pulls up , and [I]0-i dive into the back of [it]2607-a cab like [a maniac]1558-a maniac . “ [I]0-i ’ve got [my]0-i own . [The Miles Media building]1155-the miles media building , please , ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . “ Hey ! ”[680-the man] [the man]680-the man calls as [he]680-the man watches [me]0-i drive off . [I]0-i give [him]680-the man a half wave . “ Bye . ”[0-i] [I]0-i crane [my]0-i neck to look at the traffic jam ahead . “ Can [you]680-the man drive fast , please ? This is an emergency . ”[0-i] “ Okay , [lady]4548-lady . ”[680-the man] [He]680-the man swerves and turns down [a side street]2614-a side street . [My]0-i phone rings , and the name [Fletcher]96-fletcher lights up the screen . “ Hello , ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i stammer . “ [He]680-the man ’s gone , [Mom]123-mom . ”[0-i] [My]0-i face falls . “ What ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare out the window . [I]0-i do n’t believe this . “ Which airport is [he]680-the man going to ? ”[0-i] “ Hang on . ”[680-the man] [He]680-the man puts the phone down and asks [someone]3143-someone , “ [Which airport]4549-which airport ? ”[680-the man] “ [JFK]55-jfk , ”[417-a woman] [I]0-i hear [a woman]417-a woman reply . “ [Terminal two]4550-terminal two . ”[417-a woman] “ [JFK]55-jfk , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher snaps . “ [Terminal two]4550-terminal two . ”[96-fletcher] “ Okay , [I]0-i got it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hang up . “ Change of plans ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i yell to [the driver]376-the driver . “ [JFK Airport]56-jfk airport . [Terminal two]4550-terminal two . Please hurry ; this is a life - and - death situation . ”[0-i] [The driver]376-the driver does a sharp U - turn , and [I]0-i hold on for dear life . Thirty minutes later [we]2619-we arrive . [I]0-i throw [him]680-the man the money and get out and run . [The check - in area]2620-the check - in area is busy and bustling , and [I]0-i look around frantically . Where is [he]680-the man ? Where . . . [I]0-i turn a full 360 - degree circle . Where is [he]680-the man ? [I]0-i dial [Fletcher]96-fletcher ’s number . “ Hello , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher snaps . “ Where is [he]680-the man ? [I]0-i ca n’t find [him]680-the man . [I]0-i ’m at [the airport]3237-the airport . Call [him]680-the man , and find out where [he]680-the man is , ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry as [I]0-i look around frantically . “ Okay . [Sammia]137-sammia , call [him]680-the man and find out where [he]680-the man is . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher comes back to [me]0-i . “ Stay on the line , [Mom]123-mom . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i hold the phone really close , and [I]0-i hear [Sammia]137-sammia talking to [Tristan]74-tristan in the background . “ [He]680-the man ’s still in [the car]371-the car , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher whispers . “ [He]680-the man ’s just pulling up now . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i hang up and run out through the front doors , and [I]0-i see [the long black limo]2621-the long black limo pulling in at the other end of [the terminal]2622-the terminal . [I]0-i kick off [my]0-i shoes , pick them up , and run . [Tristan]74-tristan gets out slowly . [He]74-tristan takes [his]74-tristan luggage out of the trunk . Three suitcases . [He]74-tristan ’s leaving [me]0-i . [I]0-i run as fast as [I]0-i can through [the crowd]433-the crowd , and as [I]0-i approach [him]74-tristan , [he]74-tristan glances up and sees [me]0-i and stops what [he]74-tristan ’s doing . [I]0-i throw up [my]0-i arms in desperation . “ What are [you]74-tristan doing ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry . [He]74-tristan drops [his]74-tristan head , [his]74-tristan armor firmly in place . “ [Claire]81-claire , do n’t cause a scene . ”[74-tristan] “ Do n’t cause a scene ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry . “ [You]74-tristan ’re just going to leave [us]4555-us . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan stares at [me]0-i and clenches [his]74-tristan jaw . Damn it , [I]0-i ’ve hurt [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i rush to [him]74-tristan and take [him]74-tristan into [my]0-i arms . “ [Tris]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [I]0-i love [you]74-tristan . [I]0-i do n’t want [you]74-tristan to leave . [I]0-i ’m just stressed about losing the business , and [I]0-i said awful things . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan frowns . “ Losing the business ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i screw up [my]0-i face in tears . “ It ’s gone . ”[0-i] [I]0-i wipe the tears out of [my]0-i eyes angrily . “ [I]0-i ca n’t hold it any longer . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan expression abruptly changes . “ Why did n’t [you]0-i tell [me]74-tristan ? ”[74-tristan] “ Because [I]0-i did n’t want [you]74-tristan to know that [I]0-i could n’t do it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [I]0-i wanted [you]74-tristan to be proud of [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [He]74-tristan stares at [me]0-i , shock on [his]74-tristan face . “ And then [you]0-i wanted to change everything and [the house]924-the house and [the boys]3247-the boys , and [I]74-tristan was overwhelmed and . . . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head in despair . This is all coming out wrong . “ If [you]74-tristan have [me]74-tristan , [you]74-tristan already have [the boys]3247-the boys — [you]74-tristan do n’t need to adopt [them]3247-the boys . ”[74-tristan] [His]74-tristan back straightens . “ It ’s nonnegotiable , [Claire]81-claire . ”[74-tristan] [My]0-i face falls . “ What ? ”[74-tristan] “ If [I]74-tristan marry [you]74-tristan , [I]74-tristan want to adopt [the boys]3247-the boys . ”[74-tristan] “ Why do [you]74-tristan want to change things ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . “ Because . . . [I]0-i want [[my]0-i own family]4532-my own family . ”[0-i] “ But [I]74-tristan love [you]74-tristan . ”[74-tristan] “ It is n’t enough . ”[0-i] [My]0-i face falls . Oh [my]0-i God . . . this really is the end ; [my]0-i eyes fill with tears , and [we]2624-we stare at [each other]286-each other as [everyone else]3594-everyone else in [the airport]3237-the airport disappears . [I]0-i take a step back from [him]2628-i to try to protect [myself]0-i from what [he]2628-i ’s saying . “ [I]2628-i would give up having [[my]2628-i own children]3962-my own children , [Claire]81-claire , so that [I]2628-i do n’t lose [yours]81-claire . ”[2628-i] A tear rolls down [my]0-i cheek , and the lump in [my]0-i throat nearly closes over . “ [I]0-i love [them]3962-my own children . [I]0-i want [them]3962-my own children as [[my]0-i sons]442-my sons . [I]0-i want [their]3962-my own children surname to be [Anderson]81-claire - [Miles]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shake [my]0-i head , unable to push the word no past [my]0-i lips . “ [You]0-i just want to take [them]3962-my own children , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [You]0-i ’ve already taken [me]0-i over ; [you]0-i ca n’t take over [[my]0-i sons]442-my sons . [They]3962-my own children are not up for grabs . [You]0-i want power . [I]0-i know how [you]0-i work , [Tristan]74-tristan — [you]0-i always have to be in charge . ”[0-i] [His]2629-he face falls . “ Is that what [you]2629-he think ? ”[2629-he] [I]0-i nod . What else could it be ? [He]2629-he drops [his]2629-he head ; [his]2629-he face is solemn . “ Goodbye , [Claire]81-claire . ”[2629-he] “ Why ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry . “ Why do [you]0-i want this so much ? ”[2629-he] [He]2629-he turns to [me]0-i like the devil [himself]2629-he . “ Because [I]2629-he deserve [[my]2629-he own family]4532-my own family , God damn it . And [I]2629-he love [them]4532-my own family , and if [you]0-i ca n’t see that , [I]2629-he do n’t even fucking know who [you]0-i are . ”[2629-he] [My]0-i heart drops . [He]2629-he leans forward . “ All this time . . . [I]2629-he thought [you]0-i loved [me]2629-he , ”[2629-he] [he]2629-he whispers through tears . [He]2629-he pauses as [my]0-i eyes search [his]2629-he . “ Guess not . ”[2629-he] “ [Tris]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [He]2629-he turns and marches through the doors and into [the airport]3237-the airport . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . [He]2629-he keeps walking . “ [Tristan]74-tristan ! ”[2629-he] [I]0-i cry . The private doors open , and [he]2629-he walks through [them]2631-them without looking back . [Security guards]2632-security guards step in front of [them]2631-them to block [me]0-i from running after [him]2629-he . [He]2629-he ’s gone . [Tristan]74-tristan Fourteen days and fourteen nights . . . living without [her]2633-her . Without [them]2631-them . [I]0-i sip [my]0-i beer as [I]0-i stare at the football game on the screen . [I]0-i ’m in [the busiest American pub in [Paris]6-paris]2634-the busiest american pub in paris . [People]406-people are everywhere . [I]0-i hear [their]406-people voices in the distance ; the echoes of [their]406-people jovial laughter fill the space . But [I]0-i feel as if [I]0-i ’m hovering above [them]406-people , not really here , not really there . In a detached state , cut . . . to the bone . If it were a physical injury , [I]0-i would be in intensive care , barely clinging to life . The heart hurts more than any injury ever could . It beats weakly . . . barely at all . Every breath that [I]0-i take feels like [my]0-i chest is about to cave in . Every exhale a struggle . The walls have closed in , the dust has settled , and yet nothing has changed . [The world]259-the world is spinning at a million miles per minute , but the silence without [them]2631-them . . . is deafening . [I]0-i never knew what it felt like to lose someone [you]2637-you loved . A heartbeat that once [we]2638-we shared , [I]0-i can no longer hear . [I]0-i lost four pieces of [myself]0-i on the same day . [[My]0-i entire world]2639-my entire world . [I]0-i sip [my]0-i beer as [I]0-i stare at the television screen on the wall . [I]0-i want to talk to [[my]0-i boys]1672-my boys . . . [I]0-i want to kiss [[my]0-i girl]2641-my girl . And then [I]0-i remember the painful truth . That neither are [mine]0-i — [they]1672-my boys will never be [mine]0-i . [They]1672-my boys belong to [him]2642-him . [My]0-i phone buzzes in [my]0-i pocket , and the name [Jameson]113-jameson lights up the screen . “ Hey , ”[0-i] [I]0-i answer . “ [You]2642-him all right ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’m fine , [Jay]204-jay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ [Elliot]127-elliot and [Christopher]128-christopher are on [their]4565-their way . ”[0-i] “ That ’s not necessary . ”[0-i] “ Hmm . . . [I]0-i kind of think it is . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stay silent . “ Where are [you]0-i ? ”[2642-him] [he]2642-him asks . “ In [a bar]775-a bar . ”[2642-him] “ Alone ? ”[0-i] “ Yep . ”[0-i] [I]0-i roll [my]0-i eyes and catch sight of [myself]0-i in the mirror behind [the bar]533-the bar . [I]0-i see [him]2642-him , [the man whom [the world]259-the world sees]2644-the man whom the world sees , [the heartless takeover king in the expensive suit]2646-the heartless takeover king in the expensive suit . [The one who ’s dead inside]2647-the one who ’s dead inside . This time , [they]2648-they ’re right . . . [I]0-i am . “ [I]0-i got to go . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ Promise [me]0-i [you]0-i ’re all right . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i ’ll call [you]0-i tomorrow . [I]0-i ’m fine , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply as [I]0-i hang up . But [I]0-i do n’t know if [I]0-i ’m fine . [I]0-i do n’t even know what [I]0-i am anymore , who [I]0-i am . . . [I]0-i frown and sip [my]0-i drink . This is an emptiness that [I]0-i do n’t know how to fight . [The waiter]277-the waiter wipes [the bar]533-the bar . “ [Another one]4567-another one ? ”[277-the waiter] [he]277-the waiter asks . “ Yes . ”[277-the waiter] [I]0-i nod once . “ Keep them coming . ”[0-i] [I]0-i read down the list of unopened emails , and [I]0-i frown . Anderson Media . [She]2651-her emailed [me]0-i from [her]2651-her work account . [I]0-i click the email open . [Dear Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles , [I]0-i have fought all [I]0-i can , [I]0-i have nothing left to give . With no financial relief in sight , [I]0-i would like to accept [your]82-mr. miles offer to acquire [Anderson Media]2-anderson media . [I]0-i would like assurance that [all staff]2652-all staff will keep [their]2652-all staff positions within [the company]3076-the company or offered alternative employment . Please find the attached financials and spreadsheets that [you]82-mr. miles require for the due diligence . [Your]82-mr. miles first offer will be accepted . Sincerely , [Claire Anderson]81-claire [I]0-i stare at the email , void of emotion . How long has [she]2651-her been struggling to keep [her]2651-her business afloat ? Why did n’t [she]2651-her tell [me]0-i ? [My]0-i mind goes back to the first time [we]2654-we met and how aggressive [I]0-i was with [her]2651-her . [I]0-i was so hell bent on taking [[her]2651-her company]2655-her company that [I]0-i did n’t care about anything else , no matter how much [I]0-i was attracted to [her]2651-her — it was the company acquisition that [I]0-i wanted . [I]0-i remember how determined [she]2651-her was to fight to the end . The fire [she]2651-her had inside of [her]2651-her was so bright that [I]0-i could feel it . It was the thing that drew [me]0-i to [her]2651-her . Determination like that is so rare these days ; it ’s not often [I]0-i come across it . That very same determination to be independent has now driven a wedge between [us]2654-we . [It]2656-it has all along , if [I]0-i ’m honest . [I]0-i had to fight to be in [her]2651-her life , and now [I]0-i have to choose between what [I]0-i know [I]0-i deserve and what [she]2651-her wants . Both things should be the same . It ’s heartbreaking that they are n’t even on the same page . [I]0-i exhale heavily as these depressing thoughts fill [my]0-i soul . How did it get to this ? What must it be like to lose something that [you]2657-you fought so hard for so long to keep ? [I]0-i imagine how gutted [she]2651-her must be . The timing could n’t be worse . “ [Claire]81-claire , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Why did n’t [you]81-claire tell [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i exhale heavily and click open the financial spreadsheets . Time to separate business and pleasure . . . or in this case , business and heartbreak . There will be [no winner]2658-no winner here . [Claire]81-claire “ Can [we]4568-we go away with [Uncle Bob]224-bob this weekend fishing ? ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry asks . [I]0-i smile in relief . This is the first time [Harry]141-harry has talked to [me]0-i all week . “ Where ’s [he]224-bob going ? ”[141-harry] “ Down to [Bear Mountain]57-bear mountain . [He]224-bob called and asked if [Patrick]93-patrick and [I]0-i could go . ”[0-i] “ Oh . ”[0-i] [I]0-i stare at [him]141-harry for a moment . “ [You]141-harry really want to go away fishing now ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [Typical kids]2659-typical kids — don’t understand that [I]0-i need [them]2659-typical kids close right now . “ Is [Fletcher]96-fletcher going ? ”[2659-typical kids] “ No , [Fletcher]96-fletcher said [he]96-fletcher did n’t want to after working all week . ”[141-harry] “ [I]0-i ’ll think about it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . [He]141-harry stares at [me]0-i for a beat , as if waiting for [me]0-i to say something . “ Do [you]141-harry want to talk about Saturday ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]141-harry puts [his]141-harry hand on [his]141-harry hip with attitude . “ Are [you]0-i going to call [Tristan]74-tristan and apologize ? ”[141-harry] “ [I]141-harry already went and saw [Tristan]74-tristan , [Harry]141-harry . ”[141-harry] [His]141-harry face lights up in excitement . “ What did [he]74-tristan say ? ”[141-harry] [I]0-i shrug as [I]0-i search for the right words . “ [We]2660-we decided that [we]2660-we ’re just going to be [friends]3356-friends for the moment , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply as [I]0-i sip [my]0-i coffee . [He]141-harry does n’t need to know the ins and outs of [our]2660-we conversation at [the airport]3237-the airport . [I]0-i do n’t want to remember it [myself]0-i . [He]141-harry frowns . “ So . . . [he]74-tristan ’s not coming back ? ”[141-harry] [My]0-i heart drops . “ No , [honey]3091-honey . Remember , [I]141-harry told [you]3091-honey that [he]74-tristan had to go to [Paris]6-paris to work for a while . ”[141-harry] [I]0-i take [his]141-harry hand and hold it in [mine]0-i . “ [You]3091-honey need to understand why [Tristan]74-tristan and [I]0-i have a different opinion on the adoption thing . ”[0-i] [He]141-harry stares at [me]0-i . “ [Tristan]74-tristan is n’t [[your]0-i dad]3941-your dad , [Harry]141-harry , and although [we]4572-we all love [each other]286-each other , sometimes things do n’t turn out the way that [we]4572-we want [them]4574-them to . [Tristan]74-tristan was [[my]141-harry boyfriend]3996-my boyfriend , and going forward , [I]141-harry ’m not sure where [we]4572-we stand with that . [I]141-harry ’m sad too . This is affecting all of [us]4572-we . But [he]74-tristan will always be [[your]0-i friend]4576-your friend , [Harry]141-harry . [Nobody]3093-nobody will ever take that from [the two of [you]0-i]4578-the two of you . ”[141-harry] “ [Dad]98-dad ’s dead , [Mom]123-mom . And [he]98-dad ’s not coming back , ”[2662-he] [he]2662-he spits . “ And [Tristan]74-tristan wants to be [[my]2662-he new dad]4579-my new dad . . . and [you]141-harry wo n’t let [him]74-tristan . ”[2662-he] [My]0-i eyes fill with tears at [his]2662-he cold attitude . “ [Harry]141-harry . ”[2662-he] “ [You]0-i ruined it , ”[2662-he] [he]2662-he blurts out like a poison . “ [You]0-i ’ve ruined everything . ”[2662-he] [He]2662-he storms off . “ [Harry]141-harry , come back here ! ”[2662-he] [I]0-i call after [him]2662-he . [He]2662-he marches up [the stairs]290-the stairs and slams [[his]2662-he bedroom]2233-his bedroom door hard . [I]0-i drag [my]0-i hand down [my]0-i face . God , this is a fucking nightmare . The first two months [Tristan]74-tristan and [I]0-i were together , [Harry]141-harry hated [him]2662-he with a passion , and now . . . [he]2662-he ’s the one who ’s unable to cope with all of this . There are three hearts connected to [mine]0-i . [I]0-i dial [[my]0-i brother]530-my brother ’s phone number and wait as it rings . “ Hey , [sis]4580-sis , ”[2662-he] [he]2662-he replies , and [I]0-i can tell [he]2662-he ’s smiling . “ Hey , ”[2662-he] [I]0-i breathe . [I]0-i love [[my]0-i brother]530-my brother , and at times like this [I]0-i just want to go and sleep on [his]2662-he couch so that [I]0-i can be close to [him]2662-he . [He]2662-he makes everything seem better , and [I]0-i have no doubt that ’s why [[my]0-i boys]1672-my boys are seeking [him]2662-he out . “ How [you]0-i doing ? ”[2662-he] [he]2662-he asks . “ Okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ How [you]2662-he really doing ? ”[0-i] “ Pretty crap . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile sadly . “ Thought so . ”[0-i] “ [You]2662-he really want to take [the boys]3247-the boys fishing this weekend ? ”[0-i] “ Yeah , sure . When [Harry]141-harry called [me]0-i — ”[0-i] “ [Harry]141-harry called [you]2662-he ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i interrupt [him]2662-he . “ Yeah , said [he]141-harry wanted to get away for the weekend with [the boys]3247-the boys . ”[0-i] [I]0-i get a lump in [my]0-i throat . . . [he]2662-he ’s really missing [Tris]74-tristan . “ Anyway , ”[2662-he] [he]2662-he continues , “ [I]2662-he ’m happy to go . [I]2662-he could use some time with [them]3247-the boys too . ”[2662-he] “ Okay . ”[2662-he] “ [I]2662-he ’ll text [Harry]141-harry all the details and keep in contact with [him]141-harry , ”[2662-he] [he]2662-he says . “ Thanks . ”[2662-he] [I]0-i sigh sadly . [My]0-i heart feels like it ’s about to break from guilt . “ Hey . . . sis ? ”[224-bob] [Bob]224-bob says . “ Yeah . ”[224-bob] “ Are [you]0-i sure [you]0-i ’re doing the right thing with [Tristan]74-tristan ? [Everybody]3458-everybody seems pretty damn heartbroken over there . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes fill with tears . “ No , [Bob]224-bob , [I]0-i ’m not , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [You]224-bob might want to work it out pretty soon . . . before it ’s too late . ”[0-i] [I]0-i get a lump in [my]0-i throat . “ [I]0-i know , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper through tears . Too late . A feeling [I]0-i am all too familiar with . After [Wade]85-wade died , there were so many things that [I]0-i had left unsaid . . . it was too late to tell [him]2662-he . “ [You]0-i okay ? ”[0-i] “ Uh - huh , ”[0-i] [I]0-i lie as [I]0-i wipe [my]0-i tears . “ It ’s been a rough week . [I]0-i ’ll survive . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile sadly . “ [I]0-i always do . ”[0-i] “ Bye , [darlin ’]4584-darlin ’ . Love [you]4584-darlin ’ . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i love [you]4584-darlin ’ too . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sit and stare at [my]0-i phone for a moment until [I]0-i ca n’t stop [myself]0-i anymore . [I]0-i text [Tristan]74-tristan . [I]0-i love [you]74-tristan , xoxo [I]0-i hit send and stare at [my]0-i phone , and eventually the word appears . Read . [He]74-tristan ’s read the message . [I]0-i wait . . . and [I]0-i wait . . . and [I]0-i wonder what [he]74-tristan ’s doing right now . Text [me]0-i back . . . please . But [he]74-tristan does n’t , and [I]0-i cry because [I]0-i know that it ’s probably already too late . [I]0-i sit in front of [[Fletcher]96-fletcher ’s building]2668-fletcher ’s building in [the loading bay]2669-the loading bay . It ’s Friday afternoon , and [I]0-i ’m picking [him]74-tristan up from work . [The boys]3247-the boys left to go on [their]3247-the boys fishing trip straight from [school]3101-school . It ’s just the two of [us]2672-us for three days . [I]0-i watch [him]74-tristan walk out the front doors with [Jameson]113-jameson . [They]2673-they ’re talking and laughing . Does [Jameson]113-jameson know about [Tristan]74-tristan and [me]0-i ? [Jameson]113-jameson glances over at [the car]371-the car and nods [his]113-jameson head . [He]113-jameson turns [his]113-jameson attention straight back to [Fletcher]96-fletcher . [He]113-jameson knows all right , and [he]113-jameson ’s pissed . [The whole world]2675-the whole world thinks [I]0-i ’m doing the wrong thing . . . maybe [I]0-i am . [I]0-i love [Tristan]74-tristan . With all of [my]0-i heart , [I]0-i love [Tristan]74-tristan . [I]0-i would give anything to have [him]74-tristan back in [my]0-i life . But [I]0-i ca n’t give control to [someone]3143-someone over [[my]0-i children]602-my children ; [I]0-i just ca n’t . It ’s nonnegotiable . And if [he]74-tristan loved [me]0-i , [he]74-tristan would understand why . This is n’t an acquisition ; this is n’t just another takeover . These are [[my]0-i children]602-my children . [Wade]85-wade ’s flesh and blood , and [I]0-i wo n’t sign [them]602-my children over . No matter how much it kills [me]0-i . And it might . . . [I]0-i ’ve never felt so sad . Well , that ’s a lie — [I]0-i have felt this sad , but it was a different sad . It was grief , a deep dark hole of grief . This time , [my]0-i love is very much alive and well . It ’s a torture that [I]0-i ca n’t explain . [I]0-i know [Tristan]74-tristan is hurting , too , and [I]0-i ca n’t comfort [him]74-tristan , and [I]0-i ca n’t get through to [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan wo n’t answer [my]0-i calls . [He]74-tristan wo n’t listen to [me]0-i . And [I]0-i said some horrible things that [I]0-i wish [I]0-i could take back , but in the end , [I]0-i stand by [my]0-i decision . Why ca n’t [he]74-tristan see that ? [Fletcher]96-fletcher comes and gets into [the car]371-the car . “ Hi , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan says as [he]74-tristan throws [his]74-tristan bag into the back seat . “ Hi . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i smile over at [him]74-tristan . “ How was [your]74-tristan day ? ”[74-tristan] “ Yeah , good . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pull out into the traffic . “ Let ’s go out for dinner , just [the two of [us]3165-the two of us]3165-the two of us . ”[0-i] “ Ah . . . ”[74-tristan] [He]74-tristan hesitates . “ [You]74-tristan do n’t want to ? ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i frown over at [him]74-tristan . [He]74-tristan scrunches [his]74-tristan nose up . “ Not really . [I]74-tristan ’m tired . It ’s been a big week at work . [I]74-tristan just want to go [home]341-home and chill , if that ’s okay . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i nod , saddened . “ Okay , takeout it is . ”[0-i] The drive [home]341-home is made in silence . [I]0-i thought [Fletcher]96-fletcher was okay about [Tristan]74-tristan and [me]0-i , but maybe that ’s just because [he]96-fletcher was quiet . Now that [I]0-i ’m alone with [him]74-tristan , [I]0-i ’m sensing more of [his]74-tristan feelings . [He]74-tristan ’s angry . With every mile [we]2681-we drive , the silence builds more animosity between [us]2681-we . [We]2681-we get closer to [home]341-home , and [I]0-i pull into [the bottle shop]2683-the bottle shop . “ [I]0-i ’m just going to run in and get a bottle of wine . ”[0-i] [Fletcher]96-fletcher rolls [his]96-fletcher eyes , unimpressed . [I]0-i get out of [the car]371-the car and slam the door , annoyed . Since when is getting a bottle of wine a fucking crime ? [I]0-i walk around [the shop]1994-the shop as [I]0-i mutter to [myself]0-i angrily . [I]0-i ’ve lost [Tristan]74-tristan for standing up for [[my]0-i kids]617-my kids on behalf of [[their]617-my kids dead father]2687-their dead father , and now [they]617-my kids are n’t talking to [me]0-i ? What a joke . And no matter how much [they]617-my kids love [Tristan]74-tristan , [they]617-my kids ca n’t love [him]74-tristan as much as [I]0-i do . [I]0-i march back out to [the car]371-the car with a bee in [my]0-i bonnet . [Damn kids]2689-damn kids . [I]0-i start [the car]371-the car , and [we]2691-we drive the two blocks [home]341-home . [Fletcher]96-fletcher gets out and slams the door and marches inside . Something inside of [me]0-i snaps , and [I]0-i storm in after [him]96-fletcher . [I]0-i find [him]96-fletcher in [the kitchen]928-the kitchen . “ What is [your]96-fletcher problem , [Fletcher]96-fletcher ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ If [you]0-i do n’t know what [my]96-fletcher problem is , then [you]0-i ’re purposely ignoring [my]96-fletcher problem , ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher snarls . [I]0-i ’m taken aback with [his]96-fletcher aggression . [Fletcher]96-fletcher never gets angry with [me]0-i — never . “ [You]0-i are old enough to understand this , [Fletch]145-fletch . [I]96-fletcher ’m not [the bad guy]2536-the bad guy [here]3039-here . [I]96-fletcher ’m acting on behalf of [[your]0-i dad]3941-your dad . ”[96-fletcher] “ What ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher cries as [he]96-fletcher screws up [his]96-fletcher face in disgust . “ [You]0-i think that [you]0-i ’re acting on behalf of [Dad]98-dad ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher scoffs . [I]0-i put [my]0-i hands on [my]0-i hips . “ What is that supposed to mean ? ”[0-i] “ [Dad]98-dad sent [Tristan]74-tristan for [us]4590-us , [Mom]123-mom . ”[96-fletcher] [His]96-fletcher eyes search [mine]0-i . “ Do n’t [you]0-i see ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher yells . “ [Dad]98-dad was the one who found [Tristan]74-tristan and sent [him]74-tristan to [us]4590-us . ”[96-fletcher] [His]96-fletcher eyes well with tears . “ What the hell would [a man like [Tristan Miles]74-tristan]4591-a man like tristan miles want with [us]4590-us . . . if [Dad]98-dad had n’t arranged it in [heaven]4592-heaven ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher cries . [My]0-i face falls . Pain sears [my]0-i heart . The thought of [[my]0-i beautiful [Wade]85-wade searching for a new dad for [[his]85-wade children]323-his children]2694-my beautiful wade searching for a new dad for his children breaks [my]0-i heart , because [I]0-i know it is something that [he]85-wade would do . If [he]85-wade could send [the best man on [the planet]2697-the planet]2696-the best man on the planet to [me]0-i , [he]85-wade would have . [He]85-wade did . [The room]370-the room begins to spin . Everything becomes foggy as [I]0-i imagine [Wade]85-wade watching [me]0-i from [heaven]4592-heaven with [my]0-i broken heart . . . [[his]85-wade children]323-his children with [their]323-his children broken hearts . . . unable to help [us]2701-us . “ [You]0-i ’re [the only one who does n’t see it]4593-the only one who does n’t see it , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher snaps . “ [You]0-i think [[your]0-i dad]3941-your dad sent [Tristan]74-tristan for [us]2701-us ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [I]96-fletcher know it , [Mom]123-mom . [Harry]141-harry and [Patrick]93-patrick know it . . . why do n’t [you]0-i know it ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher whispers through tears . “ How ca n’t [you]0-i see it , [Mom]123-mom ? When it ’s all [we]2701-us can see . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head and stare at the ground . Tears run down [my]0-i face . They are hot and taste salty . [He]96-fletcher runs out the front door , and it slams behind [him]96-fletcher . [I]0-i put [my]0-i face into [my]0-i hands . This heartbreak , this pain . . . [I]0-i ca n’t do it anymore . Make it stop . The sun peeks through the curtains , and [I]0-i listen to the lawn mower next door . Every now and then it runs over a rock , and it makes a jarring sound . Why do [they]2702-they have to mow [their]2702-they fucking lawn every Saturday morning and wake [the entire neighborhood]2703-the entire neighborhood ? [They]2702-they do n’t even work . Why ca n’t [they]2702-they do it during the week ? Why so early on the weekend ? [I]0-i get up and go to [the bathroom]584-the bathroom and peer through the side of the drapes at [the perpetrator]2705-the perpetrator . [I]0-i should storm down there and give [them]2702-they a piece of [my]0-i mind . But [I]0-i wo n’t , because this has been annoying [me]0-i for years now , and [I]0-i just smile every time [I]0-i see [them]2702-they . [They]2702-they ’ve had to put up with [[my]0-i hooligan kids]2706-my hooligan kids throwing balls into [[their]2702-they yard]2707-their yard and riding [[their]2702-they bikes]2708-their bikes across [[their]2702-they lawn]2709-their lawn as a shortcut . [I]0-i guess [we]2710-we ’re even . [I]0-i grab [my]0-i phone and return to bed . [I]0-i cried all night last night . [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i ’m having a fucking breakdown or something . Things ca n’t get any worse . [I]0-i do feel a little better today , though , so that ’s something . [I]0-i go onto Facebook and scroll through . [I]0-i go to Instagram and browse for a while , and then a video comes up from [[my]0-i brother]530-my brother ’s story . [He]530-my brother ’s dancing in [a bar]775-a bar . Huh ? [I]0-i go back and watch it again . It must be old footage . [He]530-my brother ’s out in the boondocks camping with [the boys]3247-the boys . . . where is [this bar]2714-this bar ? [I]0-i read the caption : dancing the night away . Huh ? [I]0-i flick through to [Bob]224-bob ’s Facebook page and scroll down . Sure enough , [he]530-my brother ’s posted a pic of [himself]530-my brother getting on [a plane]3261-a plane , with the caption [Florida]27-florida here [I]0-i come . What ? [I]0-i immediately dial [his]530-my brother number . It rings out , and [I]0-i call again . “ Hello , ”[530-my brother] [he]530-my brother answers groggily in a very hungover voice . “ Where are [you]530-my brother ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ [Florida]27-florida . ”[0-i] “ Where are [the boys]3247-the boys ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ Huh ? ”[0-i] “ Where are [the boys]3247-the boys ? ”[0-i] “ What do [you]530-my brother mean ? [They]3247-the boys canceled and said [they]3247-the boys could n’t go . [I]0-i came here with [[my]0-i buddies]4597-my buddies . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sit up in bed . “ [Bob]224-bob , [they]4597-my buddies ’re not here . [I]0-i have n’t seen [them]4597-my buddies since Friday morning . ”[0-i] “ What ? ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i thought [they]4597-my buddies were with [you]2716-you ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i cry . “ [I]2716-you thought [they]4597-my buddies were with [you]0-i ! ”[2716-you] [he]2716-you cries back . “ Oh my God , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [my]0-i eyes widen . “ What ? ”[0-i] “ [They]4597-my buddies ’ve run away , [Bob]224-bob . ”[0-i] “ Holy fuck , call [the police]337-the police . ”[0-i] Chapter 25 Tristan [I]0-i sit out on [the balcony of [[my]0-i hotel room in [Paris]6-paris]2718-my hotel room in paris]2717-the balcony of my hotel room in paris . [I]0-i just got back from [the hotel gym]2719-the hotel gym and am going in to [the office]3078-the office this afternoon . [I]0-i ’m still working on the due diligence for [Anderson Media]2-anderson media . [I]0-i want the deal closed early this week if possible . The sooner [I]0-i move on to new things , the better . [I]0-i need to drag [myself]0-i off the floor here . [I]0-i ca n’t go on like this . [I]0-i just want it over with . [[My]0-i room]3158-my room phone rings , and [I]0-i frown . Who would be calling [me]0-i in [the hotel]612-the hotel ? [Nobody]3093-nobody ever does . [I]0-i walk inside and answer . “ Bonjour . ”[0-i] “ [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles ? ”[0-i] “ Oui . ”[0-i] “ Vous avez des visiteurs . ”[0-i] ( Translation : [You]0-i have [some visitors]2724-some visitors . ) [I]0-i frown . “ Qui est - ce ? ”[0-i] ( Translation : Who is it ? ) “ Juste une minute . ”[2725-he] ( Translation : Just a minute . ) [He]2725-he passes the phone to [someone]3143-someone . “ [Tris]74-tristan ? ”[2725-he] [I]0-i frown and screw up [my]0-i face in confusion . . . what ? “ [Harry]141-harry ? ”[2725-he] “ Come and get [us]2727-they . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes nearly bulge from their sockets . “ [I]0-i ’ll be right down . ”[0-i] [I]0-i run to the door and hit the elevator button . [They]2727-they ’re here . [I]0-i watch the dial over the doors , and [I]0-i tap [my]0-i foot . Come on . . . come on . The doors open , and [I]0-i rush out and look around to see [Harry]141-harry and [Patrick]93-patrick sitting on [the lounge]3139-the lounge waiting for [me]0-i . [They]2727-they look up and see [me]0-i , and [both]2729-both come running at [me]0-i at a million miles per minute . [They]2727-they nearly bowl [me]0-i over as [they]2727-they grab a leg each to hug . [I]0-i put [my]0-i arms around [them]2727-they and hold [them]2727-they tight . “ Where ’s [Mom]123-mom ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper into [their]2727-they hair . “ [We]2727-they ran away . ”[0-i] [My]0-i mouth falls open in horror . “ [[Your]2727-they mother]3465-your mother does n’t know [you]2727-they ’re [here]3039-here ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i gasp . [They]2727-they both shake [their]2727-they heads . “ Nope . ”[2727-they] “ Oh [my]0-i God . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take out [my]0-i phone . “ [She]3465-your mother ’s going to be fucking frantic . ”[0-i] [I]0-i call [Claire]81-claire . “ [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire cries in a panic . “ [They]2727-they ’ve run away . ”[81-claire] “ [They]2727-they just turned up here , ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer . “ What ? ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire gasps . “ [Patrick]93-patrick and [Harrison]141-harry just turned up at [[my]81-claire hotel in [Paris]6-paris]4601-my hotel in paris . ”[81-claire] “ What the hell ? ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire gasps . “ Really ? ”[81-claire] “ Yes . ”[81-claire] “ [They]2727-they ’re okay , [they]2727-they ’re okay , ”[81-claire] [I]0-i hear [her]81-claire tell [someone]3143-someone . “ Where are [you]81-claire ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ In [the police station]3901-the police station . Oh [my]81-claire God , [Tristan]74-tristan , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire cries in relief . “ Oh [my]81-claire God . It ’s okay , [Fletcher]96-fletcher . [They]2727-they ’re safe , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire says . [I]0-i flick the peak of [Harry]141-harry ’s cap . “ [You]141-harry ’re in so much trouble , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mouth . “ [I]141-harry do n’t care , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry mouths back with attitude . “ [I]81-claire ’m on [my]81-claire way , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire stammers . “ [Fletcher]96-fletcher and [I]81-claire will catch [the first flight]4603-the first flight out . ”[81-claire] “ Okay . ”[2731-the two boys] “ Bye , [Tris]74-tristan . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire hangs up . [I]0-i look down at [the two boys]2731-the two boys as [they]2731-the two boys stare up at [me]0-i . “ What are [you]2731-the two boys two thinking ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap . “ [[Your]2731-the two boys mother]3465-your mother has been frantic , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i gesture to [the elevator]571-the elevator . “ [[You]2731-the two boys two]4605-you two are in so much trouble [I]0-i ca n’t even believe it , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper angrily . [They]2731-the two boys both smile up at [me]0-i , and [my]0-i heart constricts . [I]0-i bend and take [them]2731-the two boys both in [my]0-i arms . “ [[You]2731-the two boys little shits]4606-you little shits , ”[0-i] [I]0-i murmur into [their]2731-the two boys hair . “ [We]2731-the two boys came to get [you]0-i , ”[0-i] [Patrick]93-patrick whispers into [my]0-i shoulder . “ [We]2731-the two boys want [you]0-i as [[our]2731-the two boys dad]4607-our dad . [We]2731-the two boys do n’t care what [Mom]123-mom says . It ’s up to [us]2731-the two boys , anyway . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i grip [them]2731-the two boys tighter in [my]0-i arms , and [I]0-i could just burst into tears . [We]2733-we hold on to [each other]286-each other tightly for a long time , and [I]0-i ’m quite sure [everyone around]2735-everyone around is watching . [I]0-i take [their]2731-the two boys hands , and [we]2733-we get into [the elevator]571-the elevator . “ Do [you]2731-the two boys know how dangerous that was ? How the hell did [you]2731-the two boys get on [a plane]3261-a plane , anyway ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ With [your]2731-the two boys credit card . ”[0-i] [My]0-i mouth falls open . “ [You]2731-the two boys stole [my]0-i credit card ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i gasp . “ Oh my God . [Harrison]141-harry , ”[0-i] [I]0-i scold [him]2737-him . “ [You]141-harry are unbelievable . ”[0-i] “ No , [I]0-i borrowed it . It was in [Mom]123-mom ’s drawer . ”[0-i] The credit card [I]0-i had given to [Claire]81-claire for emergencies . The one [she]81-claire refused to use . “ [You]141-harry are grounded for life , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i hold [his]2737-him hand . [He]2737-him smiles cheekily up at [me]0-i , and [I]0-i smirk down at [him]2737-him . [I]0-i fucking love [this kid]1040-this kid . [We]2739-we get to [[my]0-i hotel suite]2740-my hotel suite , and [I]0-i flop onto [the lounge]3139-the lounge . [They]2742-they both sit nearly on top of [me]0-i . [They]2742-they tell [me]0-i how [they]2742-they lied to [Bob]224-bob and to [Claire]81-claire and sneaked out and caught [the train]3546-the train to [the airport]3237-the airport and then somehow got on [a plane]3261-a plane without being stopped . [They]2742-they tell [me]0-i every single detail about [their]2742-they last fifteen hours , and [I]0-i can hardly believe it . [Patrick]93-patrick ’s little arms are tight around [my]0-i neck as [we]2746-we converse , and [Harrison]141-harry ’s hand is on [my]0-i thigh . [They]2742-they are animated and cutting each other off and so proud of [themselves]2742-they for actually pulling it off . “ Why did [you]141-harry come here ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i look between [them]2742-they . “ Because [we]2742-they love [you]141-harry , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry says . “ And [we]2742-they ’re staying with [you]141-harry until [you]141-harry come [home]341-home . . . and [you]141-harry ca n’t make [us]2742-they leave . [You]141-harry ’re [[our]2742-they dad]4607-our dad , and [dads]4611-dads belong with [[their]4611-dads kids]4612-their kids . ”[141-harry] [I]0-i pull [them]2742-they close and hold [them]2742-they tight . “ [I]0-i love [you]2742-they too , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper into [their]2742-they hair . [My]0-i heart bursts with love for [these boys]2166-these boys . [I]0-i smile . It seems all this lying makes for [two sweaty kids]2748-two sweaty kids . “ And [[you]2166-these boys two]4605-you two need a shower . [You]2166-these boys stink . ”[2742-they] [They]2742-they moan . “ Where ’s [Fletch]145-fletch ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask as [I]0-i lead [them]2742-they into [the bathroom]584-the bathroom . “ [He]145-fletch would n’t leave [Mom]123-mom alone for the weekend . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile proudly . Always looking out for [[his]2750-his mom]1343-his mom . “ That ’s [[my]0-i boy]4614-my boy . ”[0-i] It ’s just now 3:40 a.m. , and the text [I]0-i ’ve been waiting for arrives from [Claire]81-claire . Just pulling up at [the hotel]612-the hotel now . [She]81-claire ’s here . [I]0-i text back . [Concierge]2753-concierge knows [you]2754-you are coming , [They]2753-concierge have a key for [you]2754-you . A reply bounces back . See [you]2754-you soon . [I]0-i begin to pace ; [my]0-i heart is in [my]0-i throat . [Claire]81-claire ’s going to flip [her]81-claire fucking lid . [My]0-i God , that was so dangerous , what [the boys]3247-the boys did . Just wait till [I]0-i get ahold of [the airline responsible]2756-the airline responsible . [I]0-i take deep breaths . [I]0-i ’m nervous to see [her]81-claire . It ’s been a long , lonely , and hellish few weeks . The door lock clicks , and the door slowly opens . [Fletcher]96-fletcher walks in , and [I]0-i pull [him]96-fletcher in for a hug . Then [I]0-i see [Claire]81-claire , and [my]0-i heart drops . [She]81-claire ’s distraught , in tears , and pale . [She]81-claire looks like [she]81-claire ’s lost a lot of weight . “ [Baby]3208-baby , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [She]81-claire screws [her]81-claire face into tears , and [I]0-i take [her]81-claire in [my]0-i arms . [She]81-claire cries against [my]0-i shoulder as [I]0-i hold [her]81-claire tight . “ Shh , they ’re okay , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper into [her]81-claire hair . “ [They]2758-they ’re asleep . It ’s okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i lead [her]81-claire by the hand into [the bedroom]1740-the bedroom , and [she]81-claire kisses both [their]2758-they foreheads as [they]2758-they sleep . “ [I]96-fletcher ’m going to kill those two knuckleheads , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher whispers . “ Get in line , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter as [I]0-i watch [Claire]81-claire sob over [them]2758-they . [I]0-i turn to [Fletcher]96-fletcher and pull [him]96-fletcher into [my]0-i arms again . “ [Good boy]4616-good boy for staying with [[your]96-fletcher mother]3465-your mother , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [I]0-i slap [him]96-fletcher on the back . “ Where am [I]96-fletcher sleeping ? ”[96-fletcher] [he]96-fletcher asks . “ [I]96-fletcher ’m exhausted . ”[96-fletcher] “ In [the room next door]4618-the room next door . ”[0-i] “ Good night , [Mom]123-mom , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher whispers . [Claire]81-claire wraps [her]81-claire arms around [him]96-fletcher . “ Thank [you]96-fletcher so much , [Fletch]145-fletch . Good night , [sweetheart]3927-sweetheart . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i close [the boys]3247-the boys ’ door , and [we]2760-we walk out into [the living room]1371-the living room . [I]0-i ’m waiting for [her]81-claire onslaught . [I]0-i turn toward [her]81-claire . “ [Claire]81-claire — ”[0-i] “ [I]81-claire love [you]0-i , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire cuts [me]0-i off . [Her]81-claire eyes are filled with tears , the pain in them unbearable for [me]0-i to look at . “ Whatever [you]0-i want [me]81-claire to do , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire whispers . “ Wherever [you]0-i want [me]81-claire to live . [I]81-claire ’ll do it . ”[81-claire] [Her]81-claire eyes search [mine]0-i . “ Just do n’t leave [me]81-claire again . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire sobs . “ [I]81-claire ca n’t stand it . [I]81-claire ca n’t do this without [you]0-i , [Tris]74-tristan . ”[81-claire] [Her]81-claire chest heaves with tears , and it ’s obvious [she]81-claire ’s been crying a long time . “ Please do n’t leave [me]81-claire again , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire begs in a whisper . “ [Baby]176-baby , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i pull [her]81-claire close . [I]0-i ’ve never seen [her]81-claire like this . “ [I]0-i ’m not . [I]0-i promise . [I]0-i love [you]81-claire . [We]4620-we can do it [your]81-claire way . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hold [her]81-claire tight . “ As long as [I]0-i ’m with [you]81-claire , it will be okay . [I]0-i do n’t need papers ; it ’s okay . ”[0-i] For a long time , [she]81-claire stays and cries in [my]0-i arms . [I]0-i hate seeing [her]81-claire like this . [She]81-claire ’s completely broken . [She]81-claire ’s usually always so strong . “ Come on . Shower . ”[0-i] [I]0-i lead [her]81-claire into [the bathroom]584-the bathroom and turn the hot water on . [I]0-i slowly undress [her]81-claire . [She]81-claire stands before [me]0-i , weak and fragile . So not like [my]0-i strong [Claire]81-claire . [My]0-i heart constricts at how much weight [she]81-claire ’s lost . [I]0-i walk [her]81-claire in under the water , and [her]81-claire sad eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ Can [you]81-claire get in with [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i take [my]0-i clothes off and step in , and [we]2763-we hold [each other]286-each other under the hot water . [Her]81-claire head is on [my]0-i chest , [my]0-i arms wrapped around [her]81-claire small frame . This is n’t like [our]2763-we normal showers together . This is n’t about sex ; it ’s about love . [My]0-i love . . . for [her]81-claire . “ [I]0-i love [you]81-claire , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [She]81-claire screws [her]81-claire face up into [my]0-i neck . “ Do n’t leave [me]81-claire again . ”[81-claire] “ [I]0-i wo n’t , ”[0-i] [I]0-i promise [her]81-claire . [She]81-claire clings to [me]0-i . This is going to take a while to get over . For both of [us]2763-we . But [she]81-claire ’s here . [[My]0-i family]4052-my family is here with [me]0-i . [We]2763-we will get through this . [We]2763-we have to . [I]0-i lie on [my]0-i side and watch [Claire]81-claire sleep . [She]81-claire ’s utterly exhausted . It ’s all caught up with [her]81-claire — the stress at work , [our]2763-we breakup , and then [the boys going missing]2766-the boys going missing have [her]81-claire so wound up that [she]81-claire could n’t stop crying last night . [Her]81-claire body simply gave out . Enough was enough , and in the end , [I]0-i gave [her]81-claire two sleeping pills so that [she]81-claire could finally relax enough to fall asleep . [I]0-i hear an argument from [the other room]2767-the other room , and [I]0-i smile . Who knew that the sound of early - morning bickering could sound so good ? [I]0-i get up and go to investigate . “ [I]96-fletcher do n’t care if [you]141-harry did n’t bring any other shorts , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher snaps to [Harry]141-harry . “ [You]141-harry ’re not wearing [mine]96-fletcher . No wonder [I]96-fletcher could n’t find any of [my]96-fletcher things to pack — they’re all in [your]141-harry suitcase . ”[96-fletcher] “ Shh , [Mom]123-mom ’s asleep , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i walk into [the room]370-the room . “ What ’s going on ? ”[0-i] “ [Harry]141-harry stole all of [my]96-fletcher clothes , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher whispers angrily . “ [I]96-fletcher did not . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher looks to [me]0-i . “ All [my]96-fletcher shorts do n’t fit [me]96-fletcher anymore . ”[96-fletcher] “ It ’s too early for this . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ Give [Fletcher]96-fletcher back [his]96-fletcher shorts . [I]0-i ’ll buy [you]0-i new ones today , [Harrison]141-harry . ”[0-i] “ Well , that ’s not fair , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher snaps . “ Why does [he]96-fletcher get new shorts ? ”[96-fletcher] “ Can [I]93-patrick have new shorts ? ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick asks from bed . “ [I]141-harry ’ve been growing lately , and [I]141-harry need all - new clothes . ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry rolls [his]141-harry eyes . “ Oh , stop it . [You]0-i have not grown . ”[141-harry] [I]0-i look among [the bickering boys]2769-the bickering boys , and a broad smile crosses [my]0-i face . [I]0-i ’m actually grateful to be hearing [them]2769-the bickering boys fight . . . who would have ever thought ? “ [I]0-i ’ll buy [you]2769-the bickering boys all new clothes today , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . [Their]2769-the bickering boys eyes widen . “ But right now , [I]0-i want [you]2769-the bickering boys to get dressed , go [downstairs]3119-downstairs to [the restaurant]269-the restaurant , and have breakfast , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ Eat something healthy from the buffet . ”[0-i] “ Are [you]0-i coming ? ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick asks . “ [I]93-patrick ’m going to stay here with [Mom]123-mom . [You]2769-the bickering boys ’ll be fine with [Fletcher]96-fletcher . Do n’t go anywhere else . ”[93-patrick] [I]0-i point to [the two troublemakers]2770-the two troublemakers . “ [You]2769-the bickering boys come straight back up to [the room]370-the room when [you]2769-the bickering boys ’re done . [I]0-i mean it ; [[you]2769-the bickering boys two]4605-you two are seriously grounded for life . Nowhere without [an adult]3881-an adult . Ever . ”[0-i] [Fletcher]96-fletcher gives a smug smile to [[his]96-fletcher two brothers]2771-his two brothers . [He]96-fletcher loves that [I]0-i class [him]96-fletcher as [an adult]3881-an adult . [I]0-i make [myself]0-i a coffee , and [they]2770-the two troublemakers shower and mess around , and about half an hour later [they]2770-the two troublemakers go [downstairs]3119-downstairs for breakfast . [Claire]81-claire [I]0-i hear the front door shut behind [the boys]3247-the boys , and [I]0-i call out , “ [Tris]74-tristan ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ’ve been waiting for [them]2770-the two troublemakers to leave . [I]0-i knew if [I]0-i got up before [they]2770-the two troublemakers went , [I]0-i would have to go to breakfast with [them]2770-the two troublemakers , and [I]0-i want some time . [He]2775-his appears at the door . “ Hey . ”[2775-his] [He]2775-his ’s wearing nothing but navy boxer shorts . [His]2775-his beautiful body is on display . [I]0-i pull the covers back in an invitation . [He]2775-his smiles and locks the door and climbs in and pulls [me]0-i into [his]2775-his arms . “ Are [you]0-i all right ? ”[2775-his] [he]2775-his whispers . [I]0-i close [my]0-i eyes as [I]0-i lean against [his]2775-his chest . “ God , [I]0-i ’m sorry about last night . [I]0-i was [a basket case]4626-a basket case . ”[0-i] “ Do n’t be . [You]0-i are so stressed ; [I]0-i ’m worried about [you]0-i . ”[0-i] [I]0-i hug [him]2775-his tighter . Feels so good to be safe in [his]2775-his big strong arms . [He]2775-his takes [my]0-i face in [his]2775-his hands . “ Why did n’t [you]0-i tell [me]2775-his before about [Anderson Media]2-anderson media being in trouble ? ”[2775-his] [I]0-i run [my]0-i hand down over [his]2775-his washboard stomach . “ [I]0-i did n’t want [you]2775-his to worry . ”[0-i] “ Stop it . [We]4627-we need to talk about this . ”[2775-his] [He]2775-his pushes [my]0-i hand away . “ So . . . [you]0-i took it all on [yourself]0-i ? ”[2775-his] “ [Tris]74-tristan . ”[0-i] [I]0-i sigh . “ From day one [you]2775-his have been [[my]0-i knight in shining armor]4628-my knight in shining armor . Just for once [I]0-i wanted [you]2775-his to be proud of [me]0-i . ”[0-i] [His]2775-his eyes search [mine]0-i . “ [I]2775-his am proud of [you]2775-his ; how could [you]2775-his ever think otherwise ? ”[2775-his] [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head as sadness rolls in . “ Because [I]2775-his ’m not proud of [myself]2775-his for losing [Wade]85-wade ’s company , and [I]2775-his do n’t know how [you]2775-his could ever be . ”[2775-his] [He]2775-his pushes the hair back from [my]0-i face as [his]2775-his eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ It ’s [[your]2775-his company]3049-your company too , [Claire]81-claire . Do n’t forget that . [Wade]85-wade may have started it , but [you]2775-his have flown the flag for five years alone . ”[2775-his] Five years alone . . . just hearing those words brings tears to [my]0-i eyes , and [I]0-i blink to try to hide them . [I]0-i ’ve felt so alone . “ [Baby]176-baby . ”[74-tristan] [Tristan]74-tristan pulls [me]0-i close and kisses [my]0-i forehead . “ Let [me]74-tristan in , [Claire]81-claire . [I]74-tristan do n’t want [you]81-claire to have to go through anything alone anymore . ”[74-tristan] [He]2775-his takes [my]0-i face in [his]2775-his hands and stares into [my]0-i eyes . “ Okay ? ”[2775-his] [I]0-i nod through tears . [His]2775-his lips take [mine]0-i with a tenderness that rips [my]0-i heart wide open , and [I]0-i tear up again . [I]0-i ’ve missed [[my]0-i man]2366-my man . [I]0-i slide [my]0-i hand down [his]2775-his boxer shorts and run [my]0-i fingers through [his]2775-his pubic hair . [His]2775-his eyes hold [mine]0-i , and [I]0-i take [him]2775-his in [my]0-i hand and slowly stroke [him]2775-his . [I]0-i feel the blood rushing around [his]2775-his body , [his]2775-his cock hardening , and [I]0-i stroke [him]2775-his again . [Our]2777-our eyes are locked . This is when [we]2777-our are at [our]2777-our best . Alone in bed , under the covers . Nobody here but [us]2777-our and the love that [we]2777-our share . “ [I]0-i need [you]2775-his , ”[0-i] [I]0-i murmur . [He]2775-his takes [my]0-i face in [his]2775-his hands and kisses [me]0-i slowly . [His]2775-his tongue does a seductive dance against [mine]0-i , waking [my]0-i dormant body from its sleep . [I]0-i continue to slowly stroke [him]2775-his as [he]2775-his gets harder and harder . [Our]2777-our lips are locked . [God]97-god , how did [I]0-i think [I]0-i could ever live without [him]2775-his ? No wonder [my]0-i heart was broken . [He]2775-his makes it beat . [His]2775-his fingers find the spot between [my]0-i legs . “ Open , ”[2775-his] [he]2775-his breathes against [my]0-i lips . [I]0-i roll onto [my]0-i back and spread [my]0-i legs , and [he]2775-his leans up onto [his]2775-his elbow beside [me]0-i . [He]2775-his slides two thick fingers deep inside [me]0-i . [My]0-i back arches in pleasure . “ That ’s it , ”[2775-his] [he]2775-his breathes . “ [I]2775-his know how to relax [you]0-i , [baby]3208-baby . ”[2775-his] [His]2775-his lips slowly take [mine]0-i as [he]2775-his begins to pump [me]0-i . The ripples of pleasure begin to build . [I]0-i put [my]0-i hands on [his]2775-his forearm as [he]2775-his works [me]0-i , [his]2775-his movement getting rougher and rougher . [His]2775-his dark eyes hold [mine]0-i , and the bed begins to hit the wall with force . [Tristan Miles]74-tristan is [the king of finger fucking]2778-the king of finger fucking . [He]74-tristan gives it to [me]0-i so good before [we]2779-we even get to the intercourse part . [He]74-tristan has so much strength in [his]74-tristan hand that [I]0-i have no chance against [him]74-tristan . No defense against [his]74-tristan skill . When [he]74-tristan has [me]0-i like this , [he]74-tristan owns [me]0-i . Who am [I]0-i kidding ? [He]74-tristan owns [me]0-i wherever [we]2779-we are . [He]74-tristan pushes [my]0-i legs back so they are bent against [my]0-i chest , and [he]74-tristan really lets [me]0-i have it . The sound of [my]0-i wet body sucking [him]74-tristan in echoes throughout [the room]370-the room . “ Mmm , ”[0-i] [I]0-i moan as [he]74-tristan watches [me]0-i . [My]0-i eyes are rolled back in [my]0-i head , and [I]0-i hover somewhere in subspace . “ [I]0-i need [you]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i pant . [I]0-i grab the back of [his]74-tristan head and drag [him]74-tristan to [me]0-i . “ Fuck [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i plead . With dark eyes , [he]74-tristan rises above [me]0-i , and [I]0-i wrap [my]0-i legs around [his]74-tristan waist . [He]74-tristan slides home deep . [We]2781-we bother shudder , close to losing control . [We]2781-we kiss , and it ’s slow and tender and moves in time with [his]74-tristan body deep inside of [mine]0-i . “ [I]74-tristan missed [you]0-i , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan murmurs against [my]0-i lips . [I]0-i grip [him]74-tristan tighter . [I]0-i ca n’t believe [I]0-i nearly lost [him]74-tristan . [I]0-i bear down and shudder hard . [His]74-tristan eyes flutter with fire , and [he]74-tristan pulls out and slams back in . Oh . . . here [we]2781-we go . [He]74-tristan rises above [me]0-i on straightened arms and begins to pump [me]0-i with full force . [His]74-tristan knees are wide , and [my]0-i hands are on [his]74-tristan behind . [I]0-i feel [him]74-tristan flex as [he]74-tristan gets all the way in . So good . . . so fucking good . “ Fuck , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan growls through gritted teeth . “ Knees up . ”[74-tristan] [I]0-i bring [my]0-i knees up to rest on [his]74-tristan shoulders , and [his]74-tristan eyes roll back . [I]0-i smile up at [him]74-tristan in wonder . “ [I]0-i love [you]74-tristan , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [He]74-tristan kisses [me]0-i aggressively , and then [he]74-tristan lets [me]0-i have it . Both barrels . The bed hits the wall so hard [I]0-i think [he]74-tristan might knock it down . [He]74-tristan bites [my]0-i neck , and [I]0-i ca n’t take it . [I]0-i clench and convulse as [I]0-i come hard . [He]74-tristan holds [himself]74-tristan deep as [he]74-tristan does the same . [We]2782-we move together slowly to completely empty [his]74-tristan body into [mine]0-i . “ [I]74-tristan missed [you]0-i , ”[74-tristan] [he]74-tristan whispers . [I]0-i hold [him]74-tristan tight in [my]0-i arms . “ [I]0-i missed [you]0-i too . ”[0-i] [Tristan]74-tristan [We]2782-we ’re back in [Long Island]10-long island now , and [I]0-i look around at [[her]2783-her bedroom]2784-her bedroom and slide [my]0-i hand up over [Claire]81-claire ’s hip as [she]2783-her sleeps . [I]0-i inhale deeply and smile into [her]2783-her hair . Today ’s the day . “ Morning . ”[2783-her] [She]2783-her sleepily sighs . “ [I]2783-her ’m getting up , [babe]3682-babe . ”[2783-her] “ Hmm , ”[2783-her] [she]2783-her murmurs with [her]2783-her eyes closed . “ Why so early ? ”[2783-her] “ [I]2783-her ’m taking [the boys]3247-the boys to [the expo in [New York]5-new york]4633-the expo in new york , remember ? ”[2783-her] “ Oh , that ’s right , ”[2783-her] [she]2783-her replies . [Her]2783-her eyes are firmly shut . “ Do [you]0-i want [me]2783-her to get up to see [you]0-i off ? ”[2783-her] “ No , [I]2783-her got it . [The boys]3247-the boys are already up . [I]2783-her can hear [them]3247-the boys [downstairs]3119-downstairs . Stay [here]3039-here and sleep in . ”[2783-her] “ Okay . ”[2783-her] [She]2783-her smiles as [she]2783-her wraps [her]2783-her arms around [me]0-i and holds [me]0-i tight . “ [I]2783-her love [you]2783-her . ”[2783-her] [I]0-i kiss [her]2783-her softly . “ [I]0-i love [you]2783-her too . ”[0-i] [I]0-i climb out of bed , quickly shower , and make [my]0-i way [downstairs]3119-downstairs . [The boys]3247-the boys are eating [their]3247-the boys cereal with huge grins on [their]3247-the boys faces . “ Are [we]2787-we ready ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Yeah , sure are , ”[93-patrick] whispers [Patrick]93-patrick excitedly . [I]0-i smile . “ Hurry up . [We]2787-we need to go . ”[0-i] [We]2787-we walk down [the mall]2788-the mall in [New York]5-new york . It ’s snowing , and Christmas carols play loudly throughout [the space]839-the space . [Patrick]93-patrick is holding [my]0-i hand , and [Harry]141-harry and [Fletcher]96-fletcher are by [my]0-i side . [We]2787-we ’ve been looking for hours . Still nothing [I]0-i like . “ What if [we]2787-we do n’t find one ? ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry asks . “ [We]2787-we will . ”[141-harry] “ [You]0-i should have had one made . ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher sighs with a roll of [his]96-fletcher eyes . “ [I]96-fletcher did n’t have time . ”[96-fletcher] [The boys]3247-the boys and [I]0-i are looking for an engagement ring for [Claire]81-claire . [We]2787-we ’re finally going to be [a family]3425-a family . “ When do [you]0-i need it for ? ”[2787-we] “ Well , [we]2787-we leave in three weeks for [Aspen]58-aspen , and [my]0-i plan is to ask [her]81-claire on Christmas Eve , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply as [we]2787-we walk . “ [I]0-i ’ve got everything arranged . Now [we]2787-we just need the ring . ”[0-i] Nerves flutter in [my]0-i stomach . Finally . [[My]0-i wife]2792-my wife . [I]0-i ’ve never wanted anything so badly . “ Let ’s hope [she]81-claire says yes , eh ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i add . “ [She]81-claire better , ”[0-i] [Harry]141-harry snaps as [we]2787-we walk . [He]141-harry takes [my]0-i hand in [his]141-harry . “ [She]81-claire ’s going to ruin the entire trip if [she]81-claire does n’t . ”[141-harry] [I]0-i chuckle . “ Agreed . Two weeks ’ skiing in [Aspen]58-aspen is going to be very uncomfortable if [she]81-claire says no . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i picture [our]2787-we first New Year ’s Eve together as [a family]3425-a family , and [I]0-i do n’t know if [I]0-i ’ve ever been this excited about a vacation before . “ Of course [she]81-claire ’s going to say yes , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher scoffs . “ As if [she]81-claire wo n’t . ”[96-fletcher] “ [I]141-harry bet [she]81-claire cries . ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry smiles dreamily , as if imagining [her]2794-her face . “ [She]81-claire always cries when good things happen . ”[141-harry] “ Remember , not a word to [anyone]393-anyone about this . ”[0-i] [I]0-i widen [my]0-i eyes at [Patrick]93-patrick to remind [him]93-patrick specifically . If [anyone]393-anyone is going to blab to [Claire]81-claire , it ’s [him]93-patrick , but [I]0-i did n’t want to leave [them]2796-them out of this . “ [I]93-patrick know , ”[93-patrick] [he]93-patrick says in disgust . “ It ’s a big secret . ”[93-patrick] “ [You]93-patrick ’ll ruin Christmas if [you]93-patrick tell , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher adds . “ [I]93-patrick wo n’t , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick snaps . “ Stop saying [I]93-patrick ’ll tell , because [I]93-patrick wo n’t . ”[93-patrick] [We]2797-we keep walking and walking and walking . “ Where is it , [Fletch]145-fletch ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . [He]93-patrick checks the directions on [his]93-patrick phone . “ Just around this corner . ”[93-patrick] [We]2797-we walk around the corner , and there it is . [NEW YORK DIAMOND TRADERS]59-new york diamond traders “ This is it . ”[2797-we] [We]2797-we all stand still and stare at the sign . “ This makes [me]0-i nervous , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [Me]96-fletcher too , ”[96-fletcher] replies [Fletcher]96-fletcher . “ What if [we]2797-we get one [she]4638-she hates ? ”[96-fletcher] “ [We]2797-we wo n’t . ”[0-i] With renewed determination , [I]0-i lead [the boys]3247-the boys into [the jewelry store]2799-the jewelry store , and [we]2797-we look around . “ Can [I]2797-we help [you]96-fletcher , [sir]3836-sir ? ”[2797-we] [the man behind the counter]2800-the man behind the counter asks . “ Yes , ”[96-fletcher] [Fletcher]96-fletcher interrupts . “ [We]2797-we ’re looking for an engagement ring . ”[96-fletcher] [I]0-i smile , proud that [he]96-fletcher now speaks so confidently to [strangers]2801-strangers . “ For [[my]93-patrick mom]3464-my mom , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick adds . “ Well . ”[93-patrick] [The salesman]2802-the salesman ’s eyes widen in delight . “ How wonderful . ”[2802-the salesman] “ Yes , it is . ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry beams happily as [he]141-harry swings [my]0-i arm by the hand . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i watch [the boys]3247-the boys . [They]3247-the boys ’re as excited about this as [I]0-i am . [I]0-i ’m so glad [I]0-i included [them]3247-the boys in this . “ What are [you]96-fletcher after , [sir]3836-sir ? ”[2802-the salesman] [the salesman]2802-the salesman asks . “ Gold . ”[2802-the salesman] [I]0-i look to [Fletcher]96-fletcher in question , and [he]96-fletcher nods . “ Yes , eighteen - karat gold . A solitaire diamond , not too big and flashy , but the diamond has to be perfect . ”[96-fletcher] “ Okay . This way , please . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher leads [us]2805-us over to a glass cabinet where diamond rings are displayed in rows . “ Thank [you]96-fletcher , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ This could take a while . ”[0-i] “ Of course . [I]3247-the boys ’ll leave [you]96-fletcher to it . [I]3247-the boys ’ll be just over here when [you]96-fletcher need [me]3247-the boys . ”[3247-the boys] [The boys]3247-the boys and [I]0-i all peer into the cabinet . “ Do [you]96-fletcher see any [you]96-fletcher like ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Hmm . ”[0-i] [Patrick]93-patrick cranes [his]93-patrick neck as [he]93-patrick looks . “ [I]93-patrick ’m trying to imagine if [I]93-patrick were [a girl]3263-a girl . ”[93-patrick] “ [You]141-harry would n’t have to imagine too hard , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry mutters dryly . “ That one . ”[141-harry] [Fletcher]96-fletcher points to a ring that sits on its own . A solitaire diamond ring in a black velvet case sparkles perfectly in the light . “ Oh yeah , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry whispers . “ [I]141-harry like that one too . ”[141-harry] “ What do [you]141-harry think , [Tricky]174-tricky ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Hmm . ”[0-i] [He]141-harry frowns as [he]141-harry concentrates . “ [I]141-harry think [she]4643-she might like a love - heart one instead . [You]0-i know , for love . ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry screws up [his]141-harry face in disgust . “ [She]4643-she is n’t ten , ”[141-harry] [he]141-harry scoffs . “ [Nobody]3093-nobody likes love - heart rings . ”[141-harry] “ [I]0-i think it would be nice , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply as [I]0-i stare at the ring in front of [us]2807-we . “ But maybe [Mom]123-mom would prefer a round one . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ Good idea , though , [Tricky]174-tricky . ”[0-i] [I]0-i rub [his]141-harry little head and mess up [his]141-harry hair . [He]141-harry smiles up at [me]0-i . “ [I]141-harry suppose . ”[141-harry] “ Excuse [me]0-i , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call to [the salesman]2802-the salesman . “ Yes . ”[0-i] “ Can [we]2807-we look at this one , please ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i point to the ring [we]2807-we like . “ Of course . ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry takes it out of the cabinet and passes it over . [We]2807-we all stare at it in [my]0-i hand . “ Can [you]141-harry tell [me]0-i about it ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Yes , this is a perfect - cut solitaire two - karat diamond . Eighteen - karat gold in a traditional setting . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i stare at it . [I]0-i think this is it . “ Can [we]2807-we have a moment alone , please ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Of course . ”[141-harry] [He]141-harry leaves [us]2807-we alone . “ What do [you]96-fletcher reckon ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i pass it to [Fletcher]96-fletcher . [He]96-fletcher studies it carefully . “ [I]96-fletcher love this one . ”[96-fletcher] [He]96-fletcher passes it to [Harry]141-harry , who inspects it in great detail . [He]141-harry nods in approval . [He]141-harry passes it to [Patrick]93-patrick , who immediately drops it on the ground . “ [Patrick]93-patrick , [[you]93-patrick idiot]3207-you idiot , ”[141-harry] [Harry]141-harry whispers angrily . “ Watch what [you]93-patrick ’re doing . ”[141-harry] “ It ’s slippery , ”[93-patrick] [Patrick]93-patrick stammers . “ Oh [my]0-i God . [I]0-i ’m sorry , ”[0-i] [I]0-i stammer to [the salesman]2802-the salesman as [we]2810-we all dive to the floor to retrieve it . [I]0-i pick it up and stare at it in [my]0-i fingers , and a broad smile crosses [my]0-i face . “ This is it . ”[0-i] [I]0-i turn to [the salesman]2802-the salesman . “ [We]2810-we ’ll take it , please . ”[2802-the salesman] Snow is falling , and [the boys]3247-the boys all stare out the window of [[our]2810-we chalet]2813-our chalet . It ’s Christmas Eve , and [we]2810-we are sitting by the open fire , next to the Christmas tree . This Christmas seems special . . . it is special . [My]0-i first with [them]3247-the boys . [Claire]81-claire smiles over at [me]0-i . “ Thank [you]0-i for bringing [us]2810-we [here]3039-here . ”[81-claire] [She]81-claire kisses [me]0-i softly . “ It ’s perfect . ”[81-claire] “ [Boys]4158-boys , ”[0-i] [I]0-i call . [They]3247-the boys all run to [us]2810-we and sit down , excited for what ’s to come . “ [We]2810-we have something for [you]4158-boys . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . [Patrick]93-patrick puts [his]93-patrick hand over [his]93-patrick mouth so that [he]93-patrick does n’t blurt it out . [Claire]81-claire ’s eyes come to [me]0-i in question . [I]0-i drop to [my]0-i knee in front of [her]81-claire and hold out the ring . “ [Claire]81-claire , will [you]81-claire marry [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [The three boys]2814-the three boys all bounce on the spot in excitement . [Claire]81-claire giggles and pulls [me]0-i in to kiss [her]81-claire . “ [I]81-claire thought [you]0-i ’d never ask . ”[81-claire] [We]2815-we kiss , and [the boys]3247-the boys high - five . “ [I]81-claire ’ve got a Christmas present for [you]0-i too , [Tris]74-tristan , ”[81-claire] [she]81-claire whispers . [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i kiss [her]81-claire again , and then [she]81-claire takes [my]0-i hand and puts it over [her]81-claire stomach . “ [You]0-i ’re going to be [a father]3177-a father . ”[81-claire] [My]0-i world stops . [She]81-claire smiles through tears . “ [I]81-claire ’m two months pregnant . ”[81-claire] [I]0-i stare at [her]81-claire wide eyed ; then [I]0-i look to [the boys , who are wide eyed too]2817-the boys , who are wide eyed too . What the . . . [Claire]81-claire giggles as [my]0-i hand rests tenderly over [her]81-claire stomach . “ Be careful what [you]0-i wish for , [Mr. Miles]82-mr. miles . Now [you]0-i have four . ”[81-claire] Two weeks later [I]0-i exhale heavily as [I]0-i stand outside [[Jameson]113-jameson ’s office]2321-jameson ’s office door . [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head as [I]0-i brace [myself]0-i . [I]0-i ’m about to do something [I]0-i ’ve never imagined in [my]0-i wildest dreams . [I]0-i knock twice . “ Come in , ”[2819-he] [he]2819-he calls . Without a word , [I]0-i walk in and hand [him]2819-he the envelope . [He]2819-he frowns . “ What ’s this ? ”[2819-he] “ [My]2819-he resignation . ”[2819-he] “ What ? ”[2819-he] [His]2819-he eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ Tell [me]2819-he [you]0-i ’re joking . ”[2819-he] “ [I]2819-he ’m taking over as CEO of [Anderson Media]2-anderson media . [Fletcher]96-fletcher and [I]2819-he are going to run it together . ”[2819-he] [His]2819-he face falls . “ [I]2819-he do n’t think — ”[2819-he] “ The decision ’s already been made , [Jay]204-jay , ”[0-i] [I]0-i cut [him]2819-he off . “ [I]0-i ’m going . ”[0-i] “ What did [Claire]81-claire say ? ”[2819-he] “ [She]81-claire does n’t know yet . ”[2819-he] [He]2819-he frowns . “ [You]0-i are leaving [[your]0-i family company]4649-your family company to run [[someone else]1358-someone else ’s company]4651-someone else ’s company ? That ’s madness . ”[2819-he] [I]0-i drop [my]0-i head . “ [I]2819-he ca n’t let [you]0-i do this , ”[2819-he] [he]2819-he stammers . “ [I]2819-he ’m going to run [[[my]2819-he sons]442-my sons ’ company]4653-my sons ’ company . . . for [them]442-my sons . [I]2819-he can build it back up so that by the time [they]442-my sons are old enough to take it over , it will be booming . ”[2819-he] [His]2819-he eyes hold [mine]0-i , and [he]2819-he gives [me]0-i a slow smile . “ [You]0-i ’re [a good man]3558-a good man , [Tristan]74-tristan . ”[2819-he] [He]2819-he pulls [me]0-i into a hug and kisses [my]0-i cheek . [I]0-i want to blurt out that [we]2820-we are pregnant and not to be sad , because this is the beginning of something wonderful — a life with [the woman [I]0-i love]2821-the woman i love and [four beautiful children]2822-four beautiful children — but [I]0-i ca n’t . [We]2820-we ’ve agreed to keep the pregnancy to [ourselves]2820-we for another month until [Claire]81-claire reaches [her]81-claire second trimester . However , [I]0-i ’m well aware that this is the end of [my]0-i time working with [[my]0-i brothers]3275-my brothers , and for that [I]0-i truly am devastated . It wo n’t be the same not working with [them]3275-my brothers . [My]0-i eyes well with tears as [we]2820-we hug . The ending of an era . Eventually [I]0-i pull out of [his]2824-his arms and walk toward the door . “ When will [you]0-i be back ? ”[2824-his] [he]2824-his asks . [I]0-i turn back to [him]2824-his . “ When [[my]0-i boys]1672-my boys are [men]409-men . ”[0-i] The End ACKNOWLEDGMENTS It takes [an army]2825-an army to write a book , and [I]0-i undoubtedly have the best army on [earth]2050-earth . To [Sammia]137-sammia , [Lindsey]225-lindsey , and [[my]0-i Montlake team at [Amazon]60-amazon]2827-my montlake team at amazon , thank [you]2828-you for believing in [me]0-i and [my]0-i work — [your]2828-you support has been amazing . Publishing with [you]2828-you has been a dream come true . To [[my]0-i wonderful assistant of three years]2829-my wonderful assistant of three years , [Kellie]226-kellie , who [we]2830-we all know is [the real boss around here]2831-the real boss around here . Thank [you]2828-you for everything [you]2828-you do : the travel , the covers , the books , [my]0-i meltdowns . . . [you]2828-you handle it all with a beautiful smile on [your]2828-you face . [I]0-i am so grateful for [our]2830-we friendship . To [[my]0-i gorgeous beta readers]2832-my gorgeous beta readers , [Rachel]227-rachel , [Nicole]228-nicole , [Vicki]229-vicki , [Rena]230-rena , [Amanda]231-amanda , [Nadia]232-nadia , and [Lisa]99-ellie : [[you]2832-my gorgeous beta readers guys]3199-you guys are the best . Thank [you]2832-my gorgeous beta readers for everything that [you]2832-my gorgeous beta readers do for [me]0-i . [You]2832-my gorgeous beta readers make [me]0-i so much better . To [[my]0-i family]4052-my family , the loves of [my]0-i life . [I]0-i love [you]2832-my gorgeous beta readers . [Xoxoxo]61-xoxoxo . To [[my]0-i beloved friends]2835-my beloved friends in [the Swan Squad]2836-the swan squad , thank [you]2832-my gorgeous beta readers for [your]2832-my gorgeous beta readers friendship and keeping [me]0-i sane . And last but not least , to [[my]0-i beautiful readers]2837-my beautiful readers : it is because of [you]2832-my gorgeous beta readers that [I]0-i get to live this wonderful life , and words do n’t seem enough to express [my]0-i gratitude . Thank [you]2832-my gorgeous beta readers so much for reading [my]0-i books . Thank [you]2832-my gorgeous beta readers so much for [your]2832-my gorgeous beta readers continued support . Thank [you]2832-my gorgeous beta readers so much for believing in [my]0-i characters and stories as much as [I]0-i do . Dreams really do come true . [Tee xoxoxox]233-tee xoxoxox Read on for the first chapter of T L Swan†™ s backlist title [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters , available to buy now ! Prologue [ALINA MASTERS]234-alina masters 1984–2013 WIFE AND [BELOVED MOTHER]2838-beloved mother . IN [GOD]62-god ’S HANDS [WE]2839-we TRUST . Grief . [The Grim Reaper of life]2840-the grim reaper of life . [Stealer of joy , hope , and purpose]2841-stealer of joy , hope , and purpose . Some days are bearable . Other days [I]0-i can hardly breathe , and [I]0-i suffocate in a world of regret where good reason has no sense . [I]0-i never know when those days will hit , only that when [I]0-i wake , [my]0-i chest feels constricted and [I]0-i need to run . [I]0-i need to be anywhere but here , dealing with this life . [My]0-i life . [[Our]2839-we life]2842-our life . Until [you]2843-you left . The sound of a distant lawn mower brings [me]0-i back to the present , and [I]0-i glance over at [[the cemetery]4359-the cemetery ’s caretaker]2845-the cemetery ’s caretaker . [He]2845-the cemetery ’s caretaker ’s concentrating as [he]2845-the cemetery ’s caretaker weaves among [the tombstones]2846-the tombstones , careful not to clip or damage one as [he]2845-the cemetery ’s caretaker passes . It ’s dusk , and the mist is rolling in for the night . [I]0-i come [here]3039-here often to think , to try to feel . [I]0-i ca n’t talk to [anyone]393-anyone . [I]0-i ca n’t express [my]0-i true feelings . [I]0-i want to know why . Why did [you]2849-you do this to [us]2839-we ? [I]0-i clench [my]0-i jaw as [I]0-i stare at [[my]0-i late wife]2850-my late wife ’s tombstone . [We]2839-we could have had it all . . . but , [we]2839-we did n’t . [I]0-i lean down and brush the dust away from [her]2850-my late wife name and rearrange the pink lilies that [I]0-i have just placed in the vase . [I]0-i touch [her]2850-my late wife face on the small oval photo . [She]2850-my late wife stares back at [me]0-i , void of emotion . Stepping back , [I]0-i drop [my]0-i hands in the pockets of [my]0-i black overcoat . [I]0-i could stand here and stare at [this headstone]2851-this headstone all day — sometimes [I]0-i do — but [I]0-i turn and walk to [the car]371-the car without looking back . [[My]0-i Porsche]2853-my porsche . Sure , [I]0-i have money and [two kids who love [me]0-i]2854-two kids who love me . [I]0-i ’m at the top of [my]0-i professional field , working as [a judge]2855-a judge . [I]0-i have all the tools to be happy , but [I]0-i ’m not . [I]0-i ’m barely surviving ; holding on by a thread . Playing the facade to [the world]259-the world . [Dying inside]2857-dying inside . Half an hour later , [I]0-i arrive at [Madison’s]63-madison’s — [[my]0-i therapist]2858-my therapist . [I]0-i always leave [here]3039-here relaxed . [I]0-i do n’t have to talk , [I]0-i do n’t have to think , [I]0-i do n’t have to feel . [I]0-i walk through the front doors on autopilot . “ Good afternoon , [Mr. Smith]235-mr. smith . ”[0-i] [Hayley]236-hayley , [the receptionist]2396-the receptionist , smiles . “ [[Your]235-mr. smith room]3203-your room is waiting , [sir]3836-sir . ”[236-hayley] “ Thank [you]3836-sir . ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown , feeling like [I]0-i need something more today . Something to take this edginess off . A distraction . “ [I]236-hayley ’ll have [someone extra]4659-someone extra today , [Hayley]236-hayley . ”[236-hayley] “ Of course , [sir]3836-sir . Who would [you]3836-sir like ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i frown and take a moment to get it right . “ Hmm . [Hannah]237-hannah . ”[0-i] “ So , [Hannah]237-hannah and [Belinda]150-belinda ? ”[236-hayley] “ Yes . ”[236-hayley] “ No problem , [sir]3836-sir . Make [yourself]0-i comfortable and [they]4662-they will be right up . ”[0-i] [I]0-i take [the lift]2861-the lift to [the exclusive penthouse]2862-the exclusive penthouse . Once there [I]0-i make [myself]0-i a scotch and stare out the smoked - glass window overlooking [London]40-london . [I]0-i hear the door click behind [me]0-i , and [I]0-i turn toward the sound . [Hannah]237-hannah and [Belinda]150-belinda stand before [me]0-i , smiling . [Belinda]150-belinda has long blonde hair , while [Hannah]237-hannah is [a brunette]2863-a brunette . There ’s no denying [they]2864-they ’re both young and beautiful . “ Hello , [Mr. Smith]235-mr. smith , ”[2864-they] [they]2864-they say in unison . [I]0-i sip [my]0-i scotch as [my]0-i eyes drink them in . “ Where would [you]235-mr. smith like [us]2864-they , [sir]3836-sir ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i unbuckle [my]0-i belt . “ On [your]235-mr. smith knees . ”[0-i] Chapter 1 [Brielle Customs]64-brielle customs is ridiculously slow , and [a man]280-a man has been pulled into [the office]3078-the office up ahead . It all looks very suspicious from [my]0-i position at the back of the line . “ What do [you]235-mr. smith think [he]280-a man did ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper as [I]0-i crane [my]0-i neck to spy the commotion up ahead . “ [I]238-emerson do n’t know , something stupid , probably , ”[238-emerson] [Emerson]238-emerson replies . [We]2867-we shuffle toward the desk as the line moves a little quicker . [We]2867-we ’ve just arrived in [London]40-london to begin [our]2867-we yearlong working holiday . [I]0-i ’m going to work for [a judge]2855-a judge as [a nanny]2869-a nanny , while [Emerson]238-emerson , [[my]0-i best friend]272-my best friend , is working for [an art auctioneer]2871-an art auctioneer . [I]0-i ’m terrified , yet excited . “ [I]238-emerson wish [we]2867-we had come a week earlier so [we]2867-we could have spent some time together , ”[238-emerson] [Emerson]238-emerson says . “ Yeah , [I]238-emerson know , but [she]238-emerson needed [me]238-emerson to start this week because [she]238-emerson ’s going away next week . [I]238-emerson need to learn [the kids]3077-the kids ’ routine . ”[238-emerson] “ Who leaves [[their]3077-the kids kids]4612-their kids alone for three days with [a complete stranger]4666-a complete stranger ? ”[202-emily] [Em]202-emily frowns in disgust . [I]0-i shrug . “ [[My]0-i new boss]3548-my new boss , apparently . ”[0-i] “ Well , at least [I]238-emerson can come and stay with [you]238-emerson next week . That ’s a bonus . ”[238-emerson] [My]0-i position is residential , so [[my]0-i accommodation]2872-my accommodation is secure . However , [poor Emerson]238-emerson will be living with [two strangers]2873-two strangers . [She]238-emerson ’s freaking out over it . “ Yeah , but [I]0-i ’m sneaking [you]238-emerson in , ”[0-i] [I]0-i say . “ [I]0-i do n’t want it to look like [we]4668-we ’re partying or anything . ”[0-i] [I]0-i look around [the airport]3237-the airport . [It]3237-the airport ’s busy , bustling , and [I]0-i already feel so alive . [Emerson]238-emerson and [I]0-i are more than just [young travelers]2875-young travelers . [Emerson]238-emerson is trying to find [her]238-emerson purpose , and [I]0-i ’m running from a destructive past , one that involves [me]0-i being in love with [an adulterous prick]2876-an adulterous prick . [I]0-i loved [him]2876-an adulterous prick . [He]2876-an adulterous prick just did n’t love [me]0-i . Not enough , anyway . If [he]2876-an adulterous prick had , [he]2876-an adulterous prick would have kept it in [his]2876-an adulterous prick pants , and [I]0-i would n’t be at [Heathrow Airport]65-heathrow airport feeling like [I]0-i ’m about to throw up . [I]0-i look down at [myself]0-i and smooth the wrinkles from [my]0-i dress . “ [She]4669-she ’s picking [me]0-i up . Do [I]0-i look okay ? ”[0-i] [Emerson]238-emerson looks [me]0-i up and down , smiling broadly . “ [You]0-i look exactly how [a twenty - five - year - old nanny from [Australia]66-australia]4670-a twenty - five - year - old nanny from australia should . ”[238-emerson] [I]0-i bite [my]0-i bottom lip to stop [myself]0-i from smiling stupidly . That was a good answer . “ So , what ’s [[your]0-i boss]4671-your boss ’s name ? ”[238-emerson] [she]238-emerson asks . [I]0-i rustle around in [my]0-i bag for [my]0-i phone and scroll through the emails until [I]0-i get to the one from [the nanny agency]2877-the nanny agency . “ [Mrs. Julian Masters]239-julian masters . ”[238-emerson] [Emerson]238-emerson nods . “ And what ’s [her]239-julian masters story again ? [I]238-emerson know [you]238-emerson ’ve told [me]238-emerson before , but [I]238-emerson ’ve forgotten . ”[238-emerson] “ [She]239-julian masters ’s [a Supreme Court judge]4672-a supreme court judge , widowed five years ago . ”[2877-the nanny agency] “ What happened to [the husband]4673-the husband ? ”[238-emerson] “ [I]0-i do n’t know , but apparently [she]239-julian masters ’s quite wealthy . ”[0-i] [I]0-i shrug . “ [Two kids]4674-two kids , well behaved . ”[0-i] “ Sounds good . ”[238-emerson] “ [I]238-emerson hope so . [I]238-emerson hope [they]4674-two kids like [me]238-emerson . ”[238-emerson] “ [They]4674-two kids will . ”[2878-we] [We]2878-we move forward in the line . “ [We]2878-we are definitely going out at the weekend though , yes ? ”[2878-we] “ Yes . ”[0-i] [I]0-i nod . “ What are [you]0-i going to do until then ? ”[238-emerson] [Emerson]238-emerson shrugs . “ Look around . [I]238-emerson start work on Monday and it ’s Thursday today . ”[238-emerson] [She]238-emerson frowns as [she]238-emerson watches [me]0-i . “ Are [you]0-i sure [you]0-i can go out on the weekends ? ”[238-emerson] “ Yes , ”[0-i] [I]0-i snap , exasperated . “ [I]0-i told [you]238-emerson a thousand times , [we]2878-we ’re going out on Saturday night . ”[0-i] [Emerson]238-emerson nods nervously . [I]0-i think [she]238-emerson may be more nervous than [I]0-i am , but at least [I]0-i ’m acting brave . “ Did [you]238-emerson get [your]238-emerson phone sorted ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ No , not yet . [I]0-i ’ll find [a phone shop]4675-a phone shop tomorrow so [I]0-i can call [you]238-emerson . ”[0-i] “ Okay . ”[2879-we] [We]2879-we are called to the front of the line , and finally , half an hour later , [we]2879-we walk into [the arrivals lounge of [Heathrow International Airport]67-heathrow international airport]2880-the arrivals lounge of heathrow international airport . “ Do [you]0-i see [our]2879-we names ? ”[238-emerson] [Emerson]238-emerson whispers as [we]2879-we both look around . “ No . ”[238-emerson] “ Shit , [no one]3360-no one is here to pick [us]2879-we up . Typical . ”[238-emerson] [She]238-emerson begins to panic . “ Relax , [they]4677-they will be here , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter . “ What do [we]2879-we do if [no one]3360-no one turns up ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i raise [my]0-i eyebrow as [I]0-i consider the possibility . “ Well , [I]0-i do n’t know about [you]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit , but [I]0-i ’m going to lose [my]0-i shit . ”[0-i] [Emerson]238-emerson looks over [my]0-i shoulder . “ Oh , look , there ’s [your]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit name . [She]4679-she must have sent [a driver]4680-a driver . ”[238-emerson] [I]0-i turn to see [a tall , broad man in a navy suit]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit holding a sign with the name [Brielle Johnston]240-brielle on it . [I]0-i force a smile and wave meekly as [I]0-i feel [my]0-i anxiety rise like a tidal wave in [my]0-i stomach . [He]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit walks over and smiles at [me]0-i . “ [Brielle]240-brielle ? ”[2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit] [His]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit voice is deep and commanding . “ Yes , that ’s [me]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit , ”[2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit] [I]0-i breathe . [He]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit holds out [his]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit hand to shake [mine]0-i . “ [Julian Masters]239-julian masters . ”[2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit] What ? [My]0-i eyes widen . [A man]280-a man ? [He]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit raises [his]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit eyebrows . “ Um , so , [I]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit ’m . . . [I]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit ’m [Brielle]240-brielle , ”[2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit] [I]0-i stammer as [I]0-i push [my]0-i hand out . “ And this is [[my]0-i friend]3156-my friend [Emerson]238-emerson , who [I]0-i ’m traveling with . ”[0-i] [He]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit takes [my]0-i hand in [his]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit , and [my]0-i heart races . A trace of a smile crosses [his]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit face before [he]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit covers it . “ Nice to meet [you]0-i . ”[2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit] [He]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit turns to [Emerson]238-emerson and shakes [her]238-emerson hand . “ How do [you]0-i do ? ”[2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit] [My]0-i eyes flash to [Emerson]238-emerson , who is clearly loving this shit . [She]238-emerson grins brightly . “ Hello . ”[238-emerson] “ [I]0-i thought [you]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit were [a woman]417-a woman , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [His]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit brows furrow . “ Last time [I]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit checked [I]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit was [all man]4683-all man . ”[2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit] [His]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit eyes hold [mine]0-i . Why did [I]0-i just say that out loud ? Oh [my]0-i God , stop talking . This is so awkward . [I]0-i want to go [home]341-home . This is a bad idea . “ [I]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit ’ll wait over here . ”[2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit] [He]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit gestures to the corner before marching off in that direction . [My]0-i horrified eyes meet [Emerson]238-emerson ’s , and [she]238-emerson giggles , so [I]0-i punch [her]238-emerson hard in the arm . “ Oh , [my]0-i fuck , [he]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit ’s [a fucking man]4684-a fucking man , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper angrily . “ [I]238-emerson can see that . ”[238-emerson] [She]238-emerson smirks , [her]238-emerson eyes fixed on [him]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit . “ Excuse [me]238-emerson , [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters ? ”[238-emerson] [I]0-i call after [him]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit . [He]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit turns . “ Yes . ”[2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit] [We]2884-we both wither under [his]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit glare . “ [We]2884-we . . . [we]2884-we are just going to use [the bathroom]584-the bathroom , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper nervously . With one curt nod , [he]2881-a tall , broad man in a navy suit gestures to the right . [We]2884-we look up and see the sign . [I]0-i grab [Emerson]238-emerson by the arm and drag [her]238-emerson into [the bathroom]584-the bathroom . “ [I]0-i ’m not working with [a stuffy old man]4686-a stuffy old man ! ”[0-i] [I]0-i shriek as [we]2884-we burst through the door . “ It will be okay . How did this happen ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i take out [my]0-i phone and scroll through the emails quickly . [I]0-i knew it . “ It says [woman]3081-woman . [I]0-i knew it said [woman]3081-woman . ”[0-i] “ [He]4686-a stuffy old man ’s not that old , ”[238-emerson] [she]238-emerson calls out from [[her]238-emerson cubicle]2886-her cubicle . “ [I]238-emerson would prefer to work for [a man]280-a man than [a woman]417-a woman , to be honest . ”[238-emerson] “ [You]0-i know what , [Emerson]238-emerson ? This is a shit idea . How the hell did [I]238-emerson let [you]238-emerson talk [me]238-emerson into this ? ”[238-emerson] [She]238-emerson smiles as [she]238-emerson exits [the cubicle]2887-the cubicle and washes [her]238-emerson hands . “ It does n’t matter . [You]0-i ’ll hardly see [him]4686-a stuffy old man anyway , and [you]0-i ’re not working weekends when [he]4686-a stuffy old man ’s [home]341-home . ”[238-emerson] [She]238-emerson ’s clearly trying to calm [me]0-i . “ Stop with the carry on . ”[238-emerson] Stop the carry on . Steam feels like it ’s shooting from [my]0-i ears . “ [I]238-emerson ’m going to kill [you]238-emerson . [I]238-emerson ’m going to fucking kill [you]238-emerson . ”[238-emerson] [Emerson]238-emerson bites [her]238-emerson lip to stifle [her]238-emerson smile . “ Listen , just stay with [him]4686-a stuffy old man until [we]4692-we find [you]0-i something else . [I]238-emerson will get [my]238-emerson phone sorted tomorrow , and [we]4692-we can start looking elsewhere for another job , ”[238-emerson] [she]238-emerson reassures [me]0-i . “ At least [someone]3143-someone picked [you]0-i up . [Nobody]3093-nobody cares about [me]238-emerson at all . ”[238-emerson] [I]0-i put [my]0-i head into [my]0-i hands as [I]0-i try to calm [my]0-i breathing . “ This is a disaster , [Em]202-emily , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . Suddenly every fear [I]0-i had about traveling is coming true . [I]0-i feel completely out of [my]0-i comfort zone . “ It ’s going to be one week . . . tops . ”[0-i] [My]0-i scared eyes lift to hold [hers]238-emerson , and [I]0-i nod . “ Okay ? ”[238-emerson] [She]238-emerson smiles as [she]238-emerson pulls [me]0-i into a hug . “ Okay . ”[238-emerson] [I]0-i glance back in the mirror , fix [my]0-i hair , and straighten [my]0-i dress . [I]0-i ’m completely rattled . [We]2888-we walk back out and take [our]2888-we place next to [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters . [He]71-mr. masters ’s in [his]71-mr. masters late thirties , immaculately dressed , and kind of attractive . [His]71-mr. masters hair is dark with a sprinkle of gray . “ Did [you]0-i have a good flight ? ”[71-mr. masters] [he]71-mr. masters asks as [he]71-mr. masters looks down at [me]0-i . “ Yes , thanks , ”[71-mr. masters] [I]0-i push out . Oh , that sounded so forced . “ Thank [you]71-mr. masters for picking [us]2888-we up , ”[0-i] [I]0-i add meekly . [He]71-mr. masters nods with no fuss . [Emerson]238-emerson smiles at the floor as [she]2889-her tries to hide [her]2889-her smile . [That bitch]2890-that bitch is loving this shit . “ [Emerson]238-emerson ? ”[2891-a blond man] a male voice calls . [We]2888-we all turn to see [a blond man]2891-a blond man , and [Emerson]238-emerson ’s face falls . Ha ! Now it ’s [my]0-i turn to laugh . “ Hello , [I]2891-a blond man ’m [Mark]241-mark . ”[2891-a blond man] [He]2891-a blond man kisses [her]2889-her on the cheek and then turns to [me]0-i . “ [You]0-i must be [Brielle]240-brielle ? ”[2891-a blond man] “ Yes . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile , then turn to [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters . “ And this is . . . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause because [I]0-i do n’t know how to introduce [him]71-mr. masters . “ [Julian Masters]239-julian masters , ”[71-mr. masters] [he]71-mr. masters finishes for [me]0-i , adding in a strong handshake . [Emerson]238-emerson and [I]0-i fake smile at [each other]286-each other . Oh , dear God , help [me]0-i . [Emerson]238-emerson stands and talks with [Mark]241-mark and [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters , while [I]0-i stand in uncomfortable silence . “ [The car]371-the car is this way . ”[71-mr. masters] [He]71-mr. masters gestures to the right . [I]0-i nod nervously . Oh God , do n’t leave [me]0-i with [him]71-mr. masters . This is terrifying . “ Nice to meet [you]2893-you , [Emerson]238-emerson and [Mark]241-mark . ”[71-mr. masters] [He]71-mr. masters shakes [their]2893-you hands . “ Likewise . Please look after [[my]238-emerson friend]3156-my friend , ”[238-emerson] [Emerson]238-emerson whispers as [her]2894-her eyes flick to [mine]0-i . [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters nods , smiles , and then pulls [my]0-i luggage behind [him]71-mr. masters as [he]71-mr. masters walks to [the car]371-the car . [Emerson]238-emerson pulls [me]0-i into an embrace . “ This is shit , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper into [her]2894-her hair . “ It will be fine . [He]71-mr. masters ’s probably really nice . ”[0-i] “ [He]71-mr. masters does n’t look nice , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ Yeah , [I]241-mark agree . [He]71-mr. masters looks like a tool , ”[241-mark] [Mark]241-mark adds as [he]241-mark watches [him]71-mr. masters disappear through [the crowd]433-the crowd . [Emerson]238-emerson throws [[her]238-emerson new friend]2897-her new friend a dirty look , and [I]0-i smirk . [I]0-i think [[her]238-emerson friend]3855-her friend is more annoying than [mine]0-i , but anyway . . . “ [Mark]241-mark , look after [[my]71-mr. masters friend]3156-my friend , please ? ”[71-mr. masters] [He]71-mr. masters beats [his]71-mr. masters chest like a gorilla . “ Oh , [I]238-emerson intend to . ”[238-emerson] [Emerson]238-emerson ’s eyes meet [mine]0-i . [She]238-emerson subtly shakes [her]238-emerson head , and [I]0-i bite [my]0-i bottom lip to hide [my]0-i smile . [This guy]3044-this guy is [a dick]2900-a dick . [We]2901-we both look over to see [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters looking back impatiently . “ [I]0-i better go , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . “ [You]71-mr. masters have [[my]0-i apartment]3971-my apartment details if [you]71-mr. masters need [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] “ [I]238-emerson ’ll probably turn up in an hour . Tell [[your]71-mr. masters roommates]4699-your roommates [I]238-emerson ’m coming in case [I]238-emerson need a key . ”[238-emerson] [She]238-emerson laughs and waves [me]0-i off , and [I]0-i go to [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters . [He]71-mr. masters sees [me]0-i coming and then starts to walk again . God , can [he]71-mr. masters not even wait for [me]0-i ? So rude . [He]71-mr. masters walks out of [the building]379-the building into [the VIP parking section]2903-the vip parking section . [I]0-i follow [him]71-mr. masters in complete silence . Any notion that [I]0-i was going to become friends with [[my]0-i new boss]3548-my new boss has been thrown out the window . [I]0-i think [he]71-mr. masters hates [me]0-i already . Just wait until [he]71-mr. masters finds out that [I]0-i lied on [my]0-i résumé and [I]0-i have no fucking idea what [I]0-i ’m doing . Nerves flutter in [my]0-i stomach at the thought . [We]2905-we get to [a large , swanky black SUV]2906-a large , swanky black suv , and [he]71-mr. masters clicks it open to put [my]0-i suitcase in the trunk . [He]71-mr. masters opens the back door for [me]0-i to get in . “ Thank [you]71-mr. masters . ”[71-mr. masters] [I]0-i smile awkwardly as [I]0-i slide into the seat . [He]71-mr. masters wants [me]0-i to sit in the back when the front seat is empty . [This man]284-this man is odd . [He]71-mr. masters slides into the front seat and eventually pulls out into the traffic . All [I]0-i can do is clutch [my]0-i handbag in [my]0-i lap . Should [I]0-i say something ? Try to make conversation ? What will [I]0-i say ? “ Do [you]71-mr. masters live far from [here]3039-here ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i ask . “ Twenty minutes , ”[71-mr. masters] [he]71-mr. masters replies , [his]71-mr. masters tone clipped . Oh . . . is that it ? Okay , shut up now . [He]71-mr. masters does n’t want a conversation . For ten long minutes , [we]2908-we sit in silence . “ [You]71-mr. masters can drive [this car]1462-this car when [you]71-mr. masters have [the children]365-the children , or [we]2908-we have [a small minivan]4703-a small minivan . The choice is [yours]71-mr. masters . ”[71-mr. masters] “ Oh , okay . ”[0-i] [I]0-i pause for a moment . “ Is this [[your]71-mr. masters car]3480-your car ? ”[0-i] “ No . ”[71-mr. masters] [He]71-mr. masters turns onto [a street]2909-a street and into [a driveway with huge sandstone gates]2910-a driveway with huge sandstone gates . “ [I]71-mr. masters drive [a Porsche]68-a porsche , ”[71-mr. masters] [he]71-mr. masters replies casually . “ Oh . ”[71-mr. masters] [The driveway]910-the driveway goes on and on and on . [I]0-i look around at [the perfectly kept grounds]2912-the perfectly kept grounds and [rolling green hills]2913-rolling green hills . With every meter [we]2914-we pass , [I]0-i feel [my]0-i heart beat just that bit faster . As if it is n’t bad enough that [I]0-i ca n’t do the whole nanny thing . . . [I]0-i really ca n’t do the rich thing . [I]0-i have no idea what to do with [polite company]2915-polite company . [I]0-i do n’t even know what fork to use at dinner . [I]0-i ’ve got [myself]0-i into a right mess here . [The house]924-the house comes into focus , and the blood drains from [my]0-i face . It ’s not [a house]3365-a house , not even close . [It]924-the house ’s [a mansion]2918-a mansion , white and sandstone with a castle kind of feel to [it]924-the house , with [six garages to the left]2919-six garages to the left . [He]2920-he pulls into [the large circular driveway]2093-the large circular driveway , stopping under the awning . “ [[Your]2920-he house]4135-your house is beautiful , ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . [He]2920-he nods , as [his]2920-he eyes stay fixed out front . “ [We]4706-we are fortunate . ”[2920-he] [He]2920-he gets out of [the car]371-the car and opens [my]0-i door for [me]0-i . [I]0-i climb out as [I]0-i grip [my]0-i handbag with white - knuckle force . [My]0-i eyes rise to [the luxurious building in front of [me]0-i]2923-the luxurious building in front of me . This is an insane amount of money . [He]2920-he retrieves [my]0-i suitcase and wheels it around to the side of [the building]379-the building . “ [[Your]0-i entrance]4707-your entrance is around to the side , ”[2920-he] [he]2920-he says . [I]0-i follow [him]2920-he up [a path]2925-a path until [we]2926-we get to a door , which [he]2920-he opens and lets [me]0-i walk through . There is [a foyer]2927-a foyer and [a living area in front of [me]0-i]2928-a living area in front of me . “ [The kitchen]928-the kitchen is this way . ”[2920-he] [He]2920-he points to [the kitchen]928-the kitchen . “ And [[your]0-i bedroom]3761-your bedroom is in the back - left corner . ”[2920-he] [I]0-i nod and walk past [him]2920-he , into [the apartment]827-the apartment . [He]2920-he stands at the door but does n’t come in . “ [The bathroom]584-the bathroom is to the right , ”[2920-he] [he]2920-he continues . Why is n’t [he]2920-he coming in [here]3039-here ? “ Okay , thanks , ”[0-i] [I]0-i reply . “ Order any groceries [you]0-i want on the family shopping order and . . . ”[0-i] [He]2920-he pauses , as if collecting [his]2920-he thoughts . “ If there is anything else [you]0-i need , please talk to [me]2920-he first . ”[2920-he] [I]0-i frown . “ First ? ”[2920-he] [He]2920-he shrugs . “ [I]2920-he do n’t want to be told about a problem for the first time when reading a resignation letter . ”[2920-he] “ Oh . ”[2920-he] Did that happen before ? “ Of course , ”[0-i] [I]0-i mutter . “ If [you]0-i would like to come and meet [the children]365-the children . . . ”[2920-he] [He]2920-he gestures to [a hallway]2932-a hallway . “ Yes , please . ”[2920-he] Oh God , here [we]2933-we go . [I]0-i follow [him]2920-he out into [a corridor]2934-a corridor with glass walls that looks out onto [the main house]2935-the main house , which is about four meters away . [A garden]2936-a garden sits between [the two buildings]2937-the two buildings creating [an atrium]2938-an atrium , and [I]0-i smile as [I]0-i look up in wonder . There is a large window in [the main house]2935-the main house that looks into [the kitchen]928-the kitchen . [I]0-i can see beyond that into [the living area]927-the living area , where [a young girl]2942-a young girl and [small boy]2943-small boy are watching television together . [We]2933-we continue to the end of [the glass corridor]2944-the glass corridor , where [a staircase with six steps]2945-a staircase with six steps leads up to [the main house]2935-the main house . [I]0-i blow out a breath , and [I]0-i follow [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters up the stairs . “ [Children]336-children , come and meet [[your]336-children new nanny]4713-your new nanny . ”[71-mr. masters] [The little boy]2947-the little boy jumps down and rushes over to [me]0-i , clearly excited , while [the girl]2948-the girl just looks up and rolls [her]2948-the girl eyes . [I]0-i smile to [myself]0-i , remembering what it ’s like to be [a typical teenager]2949-a typical teenager . “ Hello , [I]2947-the little boy ’m [Samuel]180-samuel . ”[2947-the little boy] [The little boy]2947-the little boy smiles as [he]2947-the little boy wraps [his]2947-the little boy arms around [my]0-i legs . [He]2947-the little boy has dark hair , wears glasses , and is so damn cute . “ Hello , [Samuel]180-samuel . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile . “ This is [Willow]242-willow , ”[2947-the little boy] [he]2947-the little boy introduces . [I]0-i smile at [the teenage girl]2951-the teenage girl . “ Hello . ”[2951-the teenage girl] [She]2951-the teenage girl folds [her]2951-the teenage girl arms across [her]2951-the teenage girl chest defiantly . “ Hi , ”[2951-the teenage girl] [she]2951-the teenage girl grumbles . [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters holds [her]2951-the teenage girl gaze for a moment , saying so much with just one look . [Willow]242-willow eventually holds [her]242-willow hand out for [me]0-i to shake . “ [I]242-willow ’m [Willow]242-willow . ”[242-willow] [I]0-i smile as [my]0-i eyes flash up to [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters . [He]71-mr. masters can keep [her]242-willow under control with just a simple glare . [Samuel]180-samuel runs back to [the lounge]3139-the lounge , grabs something , and then comes straight back . [I]0-i see a flash . Click , click . What the hell ? [He]71-mr. masters has a small instant Polaroid camera . [He]71-mr. masters watches [my]0-i face appear on the piece of paper in front of [him]71-mr. masters before [he]71-mr. masters looks back up at [me]0-i . “ [You]0-i ’re pretty . ”[71-mr. masters] [He]71-mr. masters smiles . “ [I]71-mr. masters ’m putting this on the fridge . ”[71-mr. masters] [He]71-mr. masters carefully affixes it to the fridge with a magnet . [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters seems to become flustered for some reason . “ Bedtime for [[you]2953-you two]4605-you two , ”[71-mr. masters] [he]71-mr. masters instructs , and [they]2953-you both complain . [He]71-mr. masters turns [his]71-mr. masters attention back to [me]0-i . “ [[Your]2953-you kitchen]4715-your kitchen is stocked with groceries , and [I]71-mr. masters ’m sure [you]2953-you ’re tired . ”[71-mr. masters] [I]0-i fake a smile . Oh , [I]0-i ’m being dismissed . “ Yes , of course . ”[0-i] [I]0-i go to walk back down to [[my]0-i apartment]3971-my apartment , and then turn back to [him]71-mr. masters . “ What time do [I]0-i start tomorrow ? ”[0-i] [His]71-mr. masters eyes hold [mine]0-i . “ When [you]0-i hear [Samuel]180-samuel wake up . ”[0-i] “ Yes , of course . ”[0-i] [My]0-i eyes search [his]71-mr. masters as [I]0-i wait for [him]71-mr. masters to say something else , but it does n’t come . “ Good night , then . ”[0-i] [I]0-i smile awkwardly . “ Good night . ”[0-i] “ Bye , [Brielle]240-brielle . ”[180-samuel] [Samuel]180-samuel smiles , and [Willow]242-willow ignores [me]0-i , walking away and up [the stairs]290-the stairs . [I]0-i walk back down into [[my]0-i apartment]3971-my apartment and close the door behind [me]0-i . Then [I]0-i flop onto the bed and stare up at the ceiling . What have [I]0-i done ? It ’s midnight and [I]0-i ’m thirsty , but [I]0-i have looked everywhere and still can not find a glass . There ’s no other option ; [I]0-i ’m going to have to sneak up into [the main house]2935-the main house to find one . [I]0-i ’m wearing [my]0-i silky white nightdress , but [I]0-i ’m sure [they]2958-they are all in bed . Sneaking out into [the darkened corridor]2959-the darkened corridor , [I]0-i can see into [the lit - up house]2960-the lit - up house . [I]0-i suddenly catch sight of [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters sitting in the armchair reading a book . [He]71-mr. masters has a glass of red wine in [his]71-mr. masters hand . [I]0-i stand in the dark , unable to tear [my]0-i eyes away . There ’s something about [him]71-mr. masters that fascinates [me]0-i , but [I]0-i do n’t quite know what it is . [He]71-mr. masters stands abruptly , and [I]0-i push [myself]0-i back against the wall . Can [he]71-mr. masters see [me]0-i here in the dark ? Shit . [My]0-i eyes follow [him]71-mr. masters as [he]71-mr. masters walks into [the kitchen]928-the kitchen . The only thing [he]71-mr. masters ’s wearing is [his]71-mr. masters navy - blue boxer shorts . [His]71-mr. masters dark hair has messy , loose waves on top . [His]71-mr. masters chest is broad , [his]71-mr. masters body is . . . [My]0-i heart begins to beat faster . What am [I]0-i doing ? [I]0-i should n’t be standing here in the dark , watching [him]71-mr. masters like [a creep]2962-a creep , but for some reason [I]0-i ca n’t make [myself]0-i look away . [He]71-mr. masters goes to stand by the [kitchen counter]2963-kitchen counter . [His]71-mr. masters back is to [me]0-i as [he]71-mr. masters pours [himself]71-mr. masters another glass of red . [He]71-mr. masters lifts it to [his]71-mr. masters lips slowly , and [my]0-i eyes run over [his]71-mr. masters body . [I]0-i push [myself]0-i against the wall harder . [He]71-mr. masters walks over to the fridge and takes off the photo of [me]0-i . What ? [He]71-mr. masters leans [his]71-mr. masters ass on the counter as [he]71-mr. masters studies it . What is [he]71-mr. masters doing ? [I]0-i feel like [I]0-i ca n’t breathe . [He]71-mr. masters slowly puts [his]71-mr. masters hand down the front of [his]71-mr. masters boxer shorts , and then [he]71-mr. masters seems to stroke [himself]71-mr. masters a few times . [My]0-i eyes widen . What the fuck ? [He]71-mr. masters puts [his]71-mr. masters glass of wine on the counter and turns the main light off , leaving only a lamp to light [the room]370-the room . With [my]0-i picture in [his]71-mr. masters hand , [he]71-mr. masters disappears up [the hall]1414-the hall . What the hell was that ? [I]0-i think [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters just went up to [[his]71-mr. masters bedroom]2233-his bedroom to jerk off to [my]0-i photo . Oh . [My]0-i . God . Knock , knock . [My]0-i eyes are closed , but [I]0-i frown and try to ignore the noise . [I]0-i hear it again . Tap , tap . What is that ? [I]0-i roll toward the door , and [I]0-i see it slowly begin to open . [My]0-i eyes widen , and [I]0-i sit up quickly . [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters comes into view . “ [I]71-mr. masters ’m so sorry to bother [you]0-i , [Miss Brielle]243-miss brielle , ”[71-mr. masters] [he]71-mr. masters whispers . [He]71-mr. masters smells like [he]71-mr. masters ’s freshly showered , and [he]71-mr. masters ’s wearing an immaculate suit . “ [I]71-mr. masters ’m looking for [Samuel]180-samuel . ”[71-mr. masters] [His]71-mr. masters gaze roams down to [my]0-i breasts hanging loosely in [my]0-i nightdress , and then [he]71-mr. masters snaps [his]71-mr. masters eyes back up to [my]0-i face , as if [he]71-mr. masters ’s horrified at what [he]71-mr. masters just did . “ Where is [he]180-samuel ? ”[71-mr. masters] [I]0-i frown . “ Is [he]180-samuel missing ? ”[71-mr. masters] “ There [he]180-samuel is , ”[71-mr. masters] [he]71-mr. masters whispers as [he]71-mr. masters gestures to [the lounger]2967-the lounger . [I]0-i look over to see [Samuel]180-samuel curled up with [his]180-samuel teddy in the diluted light of [the room]370-the room . [My]0-i mouth falls open . “ Oh no , what ’s wrong ? ”[0-i] [I]0-i whisper . Did [he]180-samuel need [me]0-i and [I]0-i slept through the whole thing ? “ Nothing , ”[71-mr. masters] [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters murmurs as [he]71-mr. masters picks [Samuel]180-samuel up and rests [[his]71-mr. masters son]2290-his son ’s head on [his]71-mr. masters strong shoulder . “ [He]180-samuel ’s [a sleepwalker]4716-a sleepwalker . Sorry to disturb [you]0-i . [I]71-mr. masters ’ve got this now . ”[71-mr. masters] [He]71-mr. masters leaves [the room]370-the room with [[his]71-mr. masters small son]2971-his small son safely asleep in [his]71-mr. masters arms . The door gently clicks closed behind [them]2972-them . [I]0-i lie back down and stare at the ceiling in the silence . [That poor little boy]2973-that poor little boy . [He]2973-that poor little boy came in here to see [me]0-i , and [I]0-i did n’t even wake up . [I]0-i was probably snoring , for fuck ’s sake . What if [he]2973-that poor little boy was scared ? Oh , [I]0-i feel like shit now . [I]0-i blow out a deep breath , lift [myself]0-i up to sit on the edge of the bed , and put [my]0-i head into [my]0-i hands . [I]0-i need to up [my]0-i game . If [I]0-i ’m in charge of looking after [this kid]1040-this kid , [I]0-i ca n’t have [him]2973-that poor little boy wandering around at night on [his]2973-that poor little boy own . Is [he]2973-that poor little boy that lonely that [he]2973-that poor little boy was looking for company from [me]0-i — [a complete stranger]4666-a complete stranger ? Unexplained sadness rolls over [me]0-i , and [I]0-i suddenly feel like the weight of [the world]259-the world is on [my]0-i shoulders . [I]0-i look around [[my]0-i room]3158-my room for a moment as [I]0-i think . Eventually , [I]0-i get up and go to [the bathroom]584-the bathroom , and then [I]0-i walk to the window to pull the heavy drapes back . It ’s just getting light , and a white mist hangs over [the paddocks]2979-the paddocks . Something catches [my]0-i eye , and [I]0-i look down to see [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters walking out to [the garage]3397-the garage . Wearing a dark suit and carrying a briefcase , [he]71-mr. masters disappears , and moments later [I]0-i see [[his]71-mr. masters Porsche]2981-his porsche pull out and disappear up [the driveway]910-the driveway . [I]0-i watch as the garage door slowly closes behind [him]71-mr. masters . [He]71-mr. masters ’s gone to work for the day . What the hell ? [[His]71-mr. masters son]2290-his son was just found asleep on [my]0-i lounger , and [he]71-mr. masters just plops [him]2290-his son back into [his]71-mr. masters own bed and leaves for the day . Who does that ? Well , screw this , [I]0-i ’m going to go and check on [him]71-mr. masters . [He]71-mr. masters ’s probably [upstairs]3043-upstairs crying , scared out of [his]71-mr. masters brain . [Stupid men]2985-stupid men . Why do n’t [they]2985-stupid men have an inch of fucking empathy for anyone but [themselves]2985-stupid men ? [He]71-mr. masters ’s eight , for Christ ’s sake ! [I]0-i walk up into [the main house]2935-the main house . The lamp is still on in [the living room]1371-the living room , and [I]0-i can smell the eggs that [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters cooked [himself]71-mr. masters for breakfast . [I]0-i look around and then go up the grand staircase . Honestly , what the hell have [I]0-i gotten [myself]0-i into [here]3039-here ? [I]0-i ’m in [[some stupid rich twat]2989-some stupid rich twat ’s house]2990-some stupid rich twat ’s house , worried about [[his]71-mr. masters child]2991-his child who [he]71-mr. masters clearly does n’t give a fuck about . [I]0-i storm up the stairs , taking two at a time . [I]0-i get to the top , and the change of scenery suddenly makes [me]0-i feel nervous . It ’s luxurious up here . [The corridor]573-the corridor is wide , and the cream carpet feels lush beneath [my]0-i feet . A huge mirror hangs in [the hall]1414-the hall on the wall . [I]0-i catch a glimpse of [myself]0-i and cringe . God , no wonder [he]71-mr. masters was looking at [my]0-i boobs . They are hanging out everywhere , and [my]0-i hair is wild . [I]0-i readjust [my]0-i nightgown over [my]0-i breasts and continue up [the hall]1414-the hall . [I]0-i pass a living area that seems to be for [the children]365-the children , with big comfy loungers inside [it]2996-it . [I]0-i pass [a bedroom]1729-a bedroom , and then [I]0-i get to a door that is closed . [I]0-i open it carefully and allow [myself]0-i to peer in . [Willow]242-willow is fast asleep — still scowling , though . [I]0-i smirk and slowly shut [her]242-willow door to continue down [the hall]1414-the hall . Eventually , [I]0-i get to a door that is slightly ajar . [I]0-i peer around it and see [Samuel]180-samuel sound asleep , tucked in nice and tight . [I]0-i walk into [[his]180-samuel room]359-his room and sit on the side of the bed . [He]180-samuel ’s wearing bright - blue - and - green dinosaur pajamas , and [his]180-samuel little glasses are on [his]180-samuel side table , beside [his]180-samuel lamp . [I]0-i find [myself]0-i smiling as [I]0-i watch [him]180-samuel . Unable to help it , [I]0-i put [my]0-i hand out and push the dark hair from [his]180-samuel forehead . [[His]180-samuel bedroom]2233-his bedroom is neat and tidy , filled with expensive furniture . It kind of looks like [you]3001-you would imagine [[a child]3292-a child ’s bedroom set out in a perfect family movie]3003-a child ’s bedroom set out in a perfect family movie . Everything in [this house]1046-this house is the absolute best of the best . Just how much money does [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters have ? There ’s a bookcase , a desk , a wingback chair in the corner , and a toy box . The window has a bench seat running underneath it , and there are a few books sitting in a pile on the cushion , as if [Samuel]180-samuel reads there a lot . [I]0-i glance over to the armchair in the corner to [his]180-samuel school clothes all laid out for [him]180-samuel . Everything is there , folded neatly , right down to [his]180-samuel socks and shiny , polished shoes . [His]180-samuel school bag is packed , too . [I]0-i stand and walk over to look at [his]180-samuel things . [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters must do this before [he]180-samuel goes to bed . What must it be like to bring [children]336-children up alone ? [My]0-i mind goes to [[his]180-samuel wife]4307-his wife and how much [she]4307-his wife is missing out on . [Samuel]180-samuel is so young . With one last look at [Samuel]180-samuel , [I]0-i creep out of [the room]370-the room and head back down [the hall]1414-the hall , until something catches [my]0-i eye . A light is on in [the en suite bathroom of [the main bedroom]3010-the main bedroom]3009-the en suite bathroom of the main bedroom . That must be [[Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters ’s bedroom]3011-mr. masters ’s bedroom . [I]0-i look left and then right ; [nobody]3093-nobody is awake . [I]0-i wonder what [[his]180-samuel room]359-his room is like , and [I]0-i ca n’t stop [myself]0-i from tiptoeing closer to inspect it . Wow . The bed is clearly king size , and [the room]370-the room is grand , decorated in all different shades of coffee , complimented with dark antique furniture . A huge , expensive gold - and - magenta embroidered rug sits on the floor beneath the bed . The light in the wardrobe is on . [I]0-i peer inside and see business shirts all lined up , neatly in a row . Super neatly , actually . [I]0-i ’m going to have to make sure [I]0-i keep [[my]0-i room]3158-my room tidy or [he]180-samuel ’ll think [I]0-i ’m [a pig]3016-a pig . [I]0-i smirk , because [I]0-i am one according to [his]180-samuel standards of living . [I]0-i turn to see [his]180-samuel bed has already been made , and [my]0-i eyes linger over the velvet quilt and lush pillows there . Did [he]180-samuel really touch [himself]180-samuel in [there]3088-there last night as [he]180-samuel thought of [me]0-i , or am [I]0-i completely delusional ? [I]0-i glance around for the photo of [me]0-i , but [I]0-i do n’t see it . [He]180-samuel must have taken it back [downstairs]3119-downstairs . An unexpected thrill runs through [me]0-i . [I]0-i may return the favor tonight in [[my]0-i own bed]3019-my own bed . [I]0-i walk into [the bathroom]584-the bathroom . [It]584-the bathroom ’s all black and gray , and very modern . Once again , [I]0-i notice that everything is very neat . There is a large mirror , and [I]0-i can see that a slender cabinet sits behind [it]3021-it . [I]0-i push the mirror , and the door pops open . [My]0-i eyes roam over the shelves . [You]3022-you can tell a lot about [people]406-people by [[their]406-people bathroom cabinet]3024-their bathroom cabinet . Deodorant . Razors . Talcum powder . Condoms . [I]0-i wonder how long ago [[his]180-samuel wife]4307-his wife died . Does [he]180-samuel have [a new girlfriend]3026-a new girlfriend ? It would n’t surprise [me]0-i . [He]180-samuel is kind of hot , in an old way . [I]0-i see a bottle of aftershave , and [I]0-i pick it up , removing the lid before [I]0-i lift it up to [my]0-i nose . Heaven in a bottle . [I]0-i inhale deeply again , and [Mr. Masters]71-mr. masters ’s face suddenly appears in the mirror behind [me]0-i . “ What the hell do [you]0-i think [you]0-i ’re doing ? ”[180-samuel] [he]180-samuel growls . ABOUT [THE AUTHOR]246-the author [A psychologist in [her]246-the author former life]3028-a psychologist in her former life , [T L Swan]244-t l swan is now seriously addicted to the thrill of writing and can†™ t imagine a time when [she]246-the author never did . [She]244-t l swan resides in [Sydney]69-sydney , [Australia]66-australia , with [[her]244-t l swan husband]3029-her husband and [[their]3030-their three children]3031-their three children , where [she]244-t l swan is living out [her]244-t l swan own happily ever after with [[her]244-t l swan first true love]3032-her first true love .